Stuff that rocks relationships, even decades long, that you can't just 'get over'. And it underpins every single hamster wheel argument about why stuff isn't working.
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I cant get over knowing how and why and when the exact circumstance things went bad - only to be told I have a false memory syndrome. And also I should have alerted everyone sooner.
Severing contact with my long term ex girlfriend/ best friend...... We were together for a long time but it was a far from normal relationship... An open relationship with me, an asexual male and her , a predominantly lesbian bisexual.... Worked pretty well for a long time but fell apart for many complicated reasons.... We remained best friends, but she wanted to move interstate for her career.... But didn't want to leave what we had. I ended up moving house and never told her or ever saw or spoke to her again..... I live with the guilt, even 20 yrs down the track, that I really fkn hurt her.... But It was for the best..... I've googled her in the past and it seems she went places I could have never had taken her..... Still tears me apart, but better to be a martyr than a millstone....
Mate how widen are your shoulders? And what did you expect or want? You describe yourself as an asexual male and her as woman who is fully sexual. If you acted as her 'Agony Aunt' for years and this, maybe, was part of your personal growth then all is part of the maturation process. She needed to grow and you needed to grow. I'm certain that as far as she is concerned - you just lost touch. She sounds likes she's doing fine. And I'm concerned that you think you are asexual and guilty. I doubt you are either. Reconnect with this woman online, she sounds like the person who will give you a boot in the niceties. Don't be a martyr or a stalker. Head up. Walk tall. Best x
I was really sick as a little kid. People always asked about it, and I felt like my parents abandoned me (they didn't). Since then, I have always secretly harbored distrust for people and the feeling that I am still defective. It has affected how I view people my entire life.
Thankfully I am slowly learning to step past it now.
Being sick as a young-un is really hard. You spend so much time in hospital, and if the hospital tells your parents they have to leave to accommodate ward structures - in accordance with other very sick kids and their needs. Where are you? Poorly and alone without the love and support of the people who love you best. And who want you to be alive the most. Doctors and nurses want the best outcome for you, but they can never make a ward a home. And of course they are shift workers. You never know who are going to see next. How do you build a feeling of being loved in that situation? As a small child you can't possibly be in command of anything, let alone your own feelings. Being an adult changes perception, but it's hard to detach yourself from what you believed about 'other people'. Wisdom like that can be a gift you can explore. Find your friends i assure you they do exist. Not everyone is 'other people'. Best love.
My mother. About twenty years ago she tried to accuse my stepdad of groping my niece who was 8 or so at the time. She called her one friend and told her about it and the friend called me because she didn’t believe it, it didn’t seem like something my stepdad would ever do. Later that week, I spoke with the niece and came to the conclusion that it didn’t happen. I called the friend back, told her I’d talked with the niece and there was nothing to mother’s story and that if it came up again, I’d deal with it then. A few months later, the friend died so her daughter asked me to tell mother. Mother became overly upset and dramatic about this news and proceeded to tell me about how the friend had been helping her figure out what to do about a terrible situation. I told her to stop right there because I knew all about it and had spoken with the niece and determined there was nothing to her story and for her to either drop it altogether or call the police or CPS. She insisted that she knew what she saw then hung up on me. I never told anyone about it, trying to keep peace within my family. (It was one of many such secrets about horrible things my mother said or did that I kept to myself because letting it out would make life difficult for my beloved stepdad.) That was the last I heard about it until 2018 when my stepdad and I were on a road trip and he brought it up. Before then, I had no idea he even knew what she had tried to do to him. He was surprised I knew, had stood up for him, and never told anyone else in the family and he thanked me. After a few moments, he spoke again and said that she had held it over his head ever since. He said it had changed him, changed how he was with all the kids. He stopped hugging and kissing and loving on them like he used to, stopped roughhousing and playing around with them. They’d want to come sit on his lap and he’d have to stand up and walk away for fear of what mother would say to him, make up about him if she saw. He was killed in a motorcycle accident in a few months ago. He was the best man I’ve ever known. He was truly one of my best friends. He was the glue that held our family together. I haven’t spoken to my mother since his funeral. Most of my family doesn’t understand why. I had a heart attack exactly one month after my dad died. My mother never called me. She’s cut both me and my son out of her will. I will never speak to her again.
And will that be more than a glancing blow to her? Doubt it. Parents like that aren't worth it, they never blame themselves - my mother is a c**t who thinks she's a hero and that I suffer paranoia. Walk away buddy. Bored Panda isn't the place for this, we can't know each others hearts. Do know that there are people who've had same, and that the only thing you can do is sit back give it perspective in terms of how you are going to grow. And what you are going to build for you and your son. She's never going to own up. And if you want revenge you won't get it. Build your life for your little family now mate.
