Sole-Earner Husband Slammed By Unemployed Wife For Getting The Expensive Coffee, He Snaps
Coffee has the potential to make us do things we might not necessarily be proud of.
Sure, there’s the caffeine rush that we need to contend with. But also, it might mix with everything else we’re going through. Like exhaustion and stress.
Or more precisely, like exhaustion from being the sole provider in the household with your better half struggling mentally on top of being unemployed.
This next story may or may not have happened under the influence of caffeine, but it definitely happened because of coffee.
More Info: Reddit
Coffee has the potential to make us do things we might not necessarily be proud of. Family feuds are no exception
Image credits: Scouse Smurf (not the actual image)
A husband recently turned to Reddit’s AITA community for some perspective on an issue he’s been having. Lately, he switched coffee brands to a fancier blend. In his words, he moved from a $15 bag that lasted him about 5 weeks to a $12 one that lasts him anywhere between a bit over a week to two weeks. If you calculate how much it would actually cost across 5 weeks, it would be roughly $40—a difference of $25.
Why is this a problem? You see, OP’s wife is currently unemployed, has some medical problems, and is suffering from depression on top of it all. In turn, this has led to her doing less work around the house. The household problem has been going on for 6 months at this point, and 12 for the job.
This husband snapped at his wife for criticizing his shift to a more expensive coffee blend, despite being the sole provider
Image Credits: u/aitacoffepurchase
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual image)
OP does pick up the slack, but there is only so much that a sole provider can do before exhaustion kicks in, and then everything else that it entails will start coming out of the woodwork. OP did note that she is working hard on the issue, they’ve had the talk, but he still ends up having to ask.
Anywho, the point of conflict happened when she kept bugging him about the price of the coffee. Initially, he had shown that his coffee splurge is well within the grocery budget, and it’s rare for them to exceed it, so it’s not like OP is reckless about it.
Image Credits: u/aitacoffepurchase
Image credits: zenjazzgeek (not the actual image)
It wasn’t enough of a justification, or so it seems, as he bought another bag, and it was a problem. She confronted him by saying that he’s spending way too much on that fancy coffee of his, suggesting they switch back to the old stuff.
Given the context—him working, paying for groceries, having to pick up the slack—he snapped. Hard.
“The one with the job gets to make the grocery choices. Work again or contribute to the household and you can have a say in what we buy,” said OP. Needless to say, the wife did not take kindly to that, called him a cold-hearted a-hole, and stormed out.
OP did not try to come off as grumpy, and he did explain himself more in the comments, where folks declared him NTA
OP continued in the comments as well, responding to some of the commenters who were of the opinion that he isn’t the jerk in this situation. Among the things he said, he explained how he truly loves her, wants her to get better, and doesn’t mean to come off as a grumpy old man in the post.
People understood OP’s efforts, and he is trying his best, so the criticism is not justified on any level. Others pointed out that her response and criticism seems to come from her depression, her feeling bad about herself and her situation. Regardless, it’s not OP’s fault here.
The post received quite a bit of attention on the r/AITA subreddit. As of this moment, the article has over 11,500 upvotes, and a Reddit award. It also generated some engagement in the community in the form of 1,800 comments
You can read the post in context here. Otherwise, you can also comment your thoughts on this whole situation, or if you can’t be bothered, tell us what you’d do for a good blend of coffee in the comment section below!
NTA. As someone who deals with depression on and off. Yea, it sucks, but for OP... they're going to end up driving themselves into some kind of breakdown when they've got to constantly be responsible for someone else, especially when this person is bitching at them for spending the money THEY earned on coffee for themselves. I mean, c'mon. I feel for the girl having depression, but I feel like OP needs a break, and the gf needs more help. Perhaps a stay in respite, etc. Or if, worst case scenario, she refuses or just can't get better... a breakup. OP has to put themselves first at some point. It sounds heartless and selfish, but it isn't. Self care is important because it means that hopefully, less people will be depressed, meaning less stress on the system, so that people can get help easier.
I completely agree with you. I have depression as well and I don't beat up the people I love about what they buy with their own money. If she is struggling this much, when he makes a therapy appointment, she needs to keep it and get help.
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You can be mentally ill and a d**k. I'm morbidly depressed, and also very lazy.
I've got pretty bad ADHD and I overwork myself to compensate. I snap at people easily. And I acknowledge that: my ADHD isn't an excuse for any shitty behavior I exhibit.
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NTA. As someone who deals with depression on and off. Yea, it sucks, but for OP... they're going to end up driving themselves into some kind of breakdown when they've got to constantly be responsible for someone else, especially when this person is bitching at them for spending the money THEY earned on coffee for themselves. I mean, c'mon. I feel for the girl having depression, but I feel like OP needs a break, and the gf needs more help. Perhaps a stay in respite, etc. Or if, worst case scenario, she refuses or just can't get better... a breakup. OP has to put themselves first at some point. It sounds heartless and selfish, but it isn't. Self care is important because it means that hopefully, less people will be depressed, meaning less stress on the system, so that people can get help easier.
I completely agree with you. I have depression as well and I don't beat up the people I love about what they buy with their own money. If she is struggling this much, when he makes a therapy appointment, she needs to keep it and get help.
Load More Replies... You can be mentally ill and a d**k. I'm morbidly depressed, and also very lazy.
I've got pretty bad ADHD and I overwork myself to compensate. I snap at people easily. And I acknowledge that: my ADHD isn't an excuse for any shitty behavior I exhibit.
Load More Replies...
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