Parents Expect Son To Share His Huge Inheritance With Half-Siblings, Can’t Believe He Won’t
Interview With Expert
The topic of inheritance can often come with mixed feelings. It can be a huge relief to suddenly see a large sum of money coming your way, but most of us would much rather have our parents around than be able to afford a new home. And along with inheritances often comes some family drama surrounding who’s entitled to what.
One teen recently found out that he would be receiving a substantial sum of money that his mother set aside for him before she passed away. His father, however, believes that he deserves some of the money to take care of himself and his new family. Below, you’ll find the full story that was shared on Reddit, as well as a conversation with Katherine Fox, CFP, Founder of Sunnybranch Wealth.
This teen recently found out that he would be inheriting a large sum of money from his mother’s side of the family
Image credits: ASphotostudio (not the actual image)
But his father and stepmother believe that they’re entitled to some of the funds too
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual image)
Image credits: NothingThick4824
Later, the teen responded to some replies from readers and provided more details on the situation
“[OP’s] mom did a great job by having a plan in place, but she could have taken it a step further to talk about the plan with her husband while she was alive”
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to Katherine Fox, CFP®, Founder of Sunnybranch Wealth, an investment advisory firm for inheritors. Katherine was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain why it’s so important for parents to have a plan in place for their assets before they die.
“The first reason is to avoid the probate process. When you die without a will, it is called dying ‘intestate.’ When you die intestate, your full estate will go through a state-run probate process and your assets will pass according to the intestacy laws in your state,” Katherine shared. “The probate process can be time-consuming and expensive and it is easier for your heirs to avoid that process.”
“The second reason is to ensure your assets pass the way you want them to. If you die without a will and your assets pass according to your states intestacy laws, you don’t have a say over where money goes after you die,” the expert continued. “These laws vary by state, but typically all money goes to your surviving spouse. If you don’t have a surviving spouse, it may be split equally by your children. If you don’t have children, it would be split by other close relatives. The problem is that not everyone wants their money to go this way! Imagine if [the OP’s] mom hadn’t set up her estate plan – their dad would have gotten all the money and they would have gotten nothing. This is clearly not what OP’s mom wanted.”
Having a plan in place can also prevent fights between family members, Katherine noted. “OP’s mom did a great job by having a plan in place, but she could have taken it a step further to talk about the plan with her husband while she was alive. She could have avoided this situation, he could have understood why money was being left to their child.”
The expert says that disputes between siblings are also common after a parent passes. “Once your parents are dead, you can’t be mad at them for making a mistake and not writing a will,” Katherine explained. “The only person you have to be mad at is a sibling who has a different idea of what your parents would have wanted. It can lead to family-ending fights.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
“If you have money that originated a generation or two back on one side of the family, it is common for that money to pass directly to children and skip spouses”
Despite the fact that the father in this story felt he deserved some of his former spouse’s money, Katherine says that spouses are never entitled to inheritance. “If you have a couple who has been married for many years and built wealth together, the surviving spouse would likely receive all/most of the family wealth after the first spouse dies,” she noted. “However, as in [this] situation, if you have money that originated a generation or two back on one side of the family, it is common for that money to pass directly to children and skip spouses. The reasoning is that money should be kept ‘in the family’ and not be made available for use by people who marry into the family.”
“Another common situation when spouses don’t inherit is if someone came into a second or third marriage with assets,” Katherine added. “In that case, money often passes directly to children and avoids the step-parent. This situation can turn extremely messy when the step-parent feels entitled to assets, not unlike OP’s situation.”
In this situation, the expert says it makes perfect sense for the money to go to him, rather than his dad. “This is EXPLICITLY what his mom wanted! This is money that his maternal grandparents made by selling a successful business,” Katherine explained. “Why would their maternal grandparents give money from their side of the family to a son-in-law?”
She noted that two likely explanations exist for the plan OP’s family set up. “One possible explanation is that the teen’s grandparents put a share of their business into a trust for their daughter, with OP as the contingent beneficiary,” Katherine told Bored Panda. “It is also possible that OP’s mom already owned a share of the business and put it into trust for her child. In either case, [the teen’s] grandparents were the trustees and their job was to steward and grow that wealth for him to inherit.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
“If he takes the time to educate himself and make smart decisions, this money could set him up for the rest of his life”
“From the AITA post, it is clear that the teen’s mom and grandparents built a plan explicitly so that he would inherit this money,” the expert continued. “They made the conscious decision to exclude OP’s dad in case he remarried and wanted to use the money for his step-wife and other children. And this is exactly what ended up happening! The teen’s mom and grandparents did not want his dad to use the money to support his future family, they wanted the money to stay in their own family. OP is 100% in the right to keep this money for himself. There is no confusion about his mom’s intent for him to have this money for his future needs.”
Katherine added that she feels deeply for the OP. “While he is 100% in the right, it doesn’t feel good to have adults who should know better saying you’re selfish for not sharing an inheritance. If he came to me, I would encourage him to take space from his dad and step-mom while they figure out what to do next. I would not want him to be pressured into giving any (let alone half!) of his inheritance away.”
“This is a lot of money to inherit at 18. OP should lean on his grandparents to figure out how to save and invest his inheritance for the future,” the expert continued. “He is young, and if he takes the time to educate himself and make smart decisions, this money could set him up for the rest of his life.”
“For anyone worried about their parent’s estate plan, or doesn’t have an estate plan in place to protect their kids – PLEASE start these conversations with your family today!” Katherine says. “Imagine if OP’s mom didn’t have an estate plan. This money could have gone 100% to her husband and his new wife and been used to support their kids and family. Do you think they would have shared half of it with OP? I seriously doubt it.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this teen is wrong for keeping his inheritance to himself? Feel free to share, and then you can check out another Bored Panda article discussing inheritance drama!
Image credits: Nataliya Vaitkevich (not the actual image)
Most of the readers agreed that there’s nothing wrong with the teen keeping the money for himself
Some, however, thought that he should share at least a small amount with his family
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The YTA posts make my blood boil. He can pay uni, have a nice start in life. The dad and stepmum should take care of the other kids. Not this boys problem. I hope they will leave him alone otherwise he should go live with his grandparents if possible. The mother, sadly deceased, knew what she was doing.
Agreed, he had no say in gaining a step mum and step siblings, no choice in it whatsoever. That was about his dad choosing a new love and addition to the family. He is not responsible for them and the choices he played no part in, end of. Mum and grandparents wanted their bloodline to have this money, that's him and only him here in the scenario. He owes it to his mum and grandparents to use the money as they intented it to be used, not how the very people they were determined they were not saving this money for want access and to use it.
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OP is technically already helping the family financially. Once they turn 18, any future $ they had been planning to spend to help kiddo out can be used for the other kids. Just cause OP doesn't give them a lump sum doesn't mean they aren't profitting from this.
Money tends to bring out the beast in most folks, doesn't it? OP is wise not to split his inheritance. It's a sure bet that his father and stepmother won't be satisfied with whatever they get. Best to refer to the grandparents. In fact, it might be a good idea to move in with them, if it's possible. In addition to harassing OP constantly, I wouldn't put it past those greedy adults to try and get their hands on OP'S money by any means.
The YTA people saying OP is going to lose his family over money aren’t getting it. If he loses his family over this money, it’s because THEY were greedy and selfish, not him.
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The YTA comments confuse me. They act like this kid came into the money by way of some "lottery." The kid literally lost his Mom at age 7. THAT'S how he got the money. His mother had to pass on in order for him to receive the money. He didn't "win" a lottery, he lost his mother. He probably really misses his mom and that money is a huge connection to her and a token of her love for her kid. If she left him expensive jewelry or family heirlooms should he be expected to share that too? Sure, maybe there's plenty for OP to share but that should be left up to OP. No one else should pressure or try to coerce that money away because it's not just some "lottery." It has sentimental value. And the mother gave that to OP, she did not want that money going anywhere else.
Wow, these YTA posts who claim that OP has an obligation to the family that includes setting up a business (for what? One needs to be good at that kind of stuff for a business to flourish) and a "nice Bahamas holiday" - i.e. wasting the money. If they hadn't put pressure on OP, he might have given his siblings a bit to help with their education on his own, but after that s**t show, nope. He can help them later in life as well. I agree with YTA that one shares good fortune with friends - just seems that this family isn't OP's 'friends'...
The moment he gives them "just a small portion," they'll expect more. "Oh college cost more. I need a car to commute. You can pay my rent, right?"
Anyone who called OP the A in this situation has missed the point so completely, it's maddening. His late mother ensured he could go to college without a lifetime of student loan debt, he could pursue any career or interest he had which would give him the greatest opportunities in life. He is just barely a legal adult so planning for a home and possible move in the future are also on the table. If his dad and stepmom had reacted more graciously themselves and ASKED, not TOLD him, how giving some portion of his inheritance to his siblings (who, by the sounds of it, OP doesn't feel close to), that would have been far more understandable. But as it stands, I 100% support OP keeping things as they are when his dad and stepmom just acted like this would be how it's handled.
All those yta people are something else. Even with the money Dad should still be splitting things in three. He still needs to support his son regardless what the mom does. It's still his kid n regardless of what mom n grandparents did dad is still 50% responsible for paying for care. Because that is still his son.
People sure have a strong opinion over what other people should do with *their* money. Here's a tip. If he *wants* to help/split with his siblings, great. What a nice gesture. If he doesn't, there's zero obligation. And no, regardless of how much money it is or what someone else would do in their situation, not sharing is does not make one an AH. Every family and situation is different. And judging this kid for not helping out based on your life experience makes you an AH. If I were in that scenario, I might be inclined to help out UNTIL they started the pressure campaign. Once that happened, that door would have closed immediately. It's his money. Period. Let him use it as he sees fit.
Nta and the way the parents expected him to share really soured any potential of him making a kinf gesture to help them out. I know if I were him I would help out my siblings but I also know that my family would never expect such a thing so that probably changes it because ive actually been on the other side of this. I have a step sister who was in a similar situation and much older than me and when I went to college I learned that she actually had set aside some money for me to help out with college. Neither my parents or I knew about it and we were bowled over by it because it was absolutely not expected.
There is a lot of context missing from this story. His mother set this up while still married to the kid's dad? So I guess this implies that a) she knew that their marriage was going to end, either through divorce or her death, maybe because she was ill, and b) that regardless of why the marriage ended, the relationship wasn't very good that she would suspect her then husband to become greedy this way. Obviously she didn't care for him enough to leave him any of the money. It sounds like there was a lot of troubled relationships in this family. As for the OP, his relationship with his dad and step family doesn't sound great either. If he were close to his now family, he would probably have not kept this such a secret, but I think the drama in the family runs deeper than what the OP has described.
« His mother set this up while still married to the kid's dad? » Yes, and whatever the reason, she was right to. Thinking of her kid’s future seems legit to me, regardless of her relationship with the father.
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My Uncle passed away five days ago. His wishes are for his step children / grandchildren to benefit from his estate. I have zero issues with his wishes, he was loved by all of us and my side of the family are well settled financially and his children / grandchildren are a bit younger than all of us. They are starting their way in life and that money will help them find their feet at Uni, Apprenticeships, house deposit etc. I couldn’t imagine a better way for his estate to be used. He was a generous, loving man in life and hopefully his estate will continue that, his family (whilst not his direct bloodline) are the most loving and caring bunch, they have lost the rock in their life, the money is totally irrelevant, they have lost way more than I can imagine. Money doesn’t make up for our loss but I know it’ll give them a leg up so why would any of us dispute his wishes? Some things are more important than money. I love them and I hope that we all continue to be connected by him.
Obviously, all these YTA posters are jealous this kid has money and they don't!!! In no way, shape, or form is this boy an AH. His mom and grandparents planned very carefully to assure his future. And ANYONE saying that anyone but this boy deserves a dime are rotten POS. Like if they found $500K in a bag in a resale shop, they wouldn't keep every penny!! I guarentee they wouldn't bring it to the people running the shop and say "I found this in a bag you have for sale, I wouldn't feel right keeping it" Watch it Pinocchio, you're gonna put somebody's eye out with that thing!!!
He's keeping his money like his mother wanted. Everyone saying YTA are the selfish, entitled aholes. It's an inheritance from his DEAD mother who didn't want her husbands future children benefitting. He's honouring her wishes.
No, No. No. The money is for him. Their wanting money does not make it theirs, nor do they have any right to even expect it. Father may make an issue out of it since he is still living at home, and he may need to move to grandparents if it creates more problems because they are NOT going to let it go, they want that money. And I'd change tune and tell them that he has no access until age 25, and only grandparents can touch it.
Start looking at the points of the responders. NTA responders have high points, YTA responders have very few or negative points. That says a lot about the type of people who commented on the original post.
NTA. Your mum is your guardian angel. She's is watching over you. Use your new wealth wisely as intended. You now have a foot on the ladder many only dream of. Your mum & grandparents were/are very loving & wise, on your behalf, bless them. Stand your ground kiddo & watch your back. It's not your responsibility to support the others.
He's already been contributing since the death of his mom his Dad has been cashing large monthly social security checks that will continue all through college unless the boy decides to have that money also diverted to him.
Load More Replies... My (biologically half-)sister got a lump sum when she turned 18 from her father passing away. It wasn't HUGE but it was a good help to start in life. I got none of it and didn't expect any. However, my sister (or I) would never hesitate to help out one another. We're not even that close, but that's just the way we are. We help one another when we can. That's why I understand those parents' disappointment. I wouldn't expect my son to split evenly this inheritance, that's not what the money was for. But I would have hoped he would naturally want to help his siblings. If it means helping out with a bit of this money for tuition, why not? Just a gesture, significant enough to show he cares, but not so much that it would significantly reduce his inheritance. As a mother, I would be proud for my son to show kindness and love to his (new) siblings. By the way, getting an inheritance as a lump sum as 18 is the most desastrous idea you could think of. Stagger it!
This is cringe and unacceptable. Money can really show the real image of people. My advice for you is to lawyer up. Seek legal guidance. I know this https://orglaw.com.au/will-dispute-lawyers-brisbane/ have very good lawyers as my mom happened to experience the same. Do not let them get your inheritance.
OP has absolutely no obligation to pay a single penny for the step/half siblings, as it was made clear by his mother they’ve no business taking money from his inheritance, because he owes them nothing; & it’s from OP’s mom, therefore it’s HER wish to provide solely for her OWN child! They don’t get to freeload off someone else’s money, whether they share a father or not. I’d also make sure everything is legally set up so they can’t try to sue OP for part of the inheritance. I can also relate, as I’m awaiting a settlement for a medical negligence case & the first thing we did is see our family solicitor & fix it legally; to ensure my so-called “dad” & his current partner won’t try to seek guardianship of me & the money, if anything happens to my mum (as I’m autistic). They once tried to get custody of me as a child, telling ridiculous lies about my mum. Glad they didn’t win, as I suffered mental/emotional abuse from that woman just staying weekends (& I’m now NC with both of them). 😐🙅♀️
I'm a bit conflicted here. I know it's OP's prerogative to decide whether to share the inheritance or not. But he's saying like his dad and step mom is some random people trying to get his money. It's never indicated that they treat him bad - seems like a normal family. I would feel betrayed too if someone who I thought was my brother found significant amount of wealth and decide not to help the family a bit when he can.
If I won the lottery I would share it, at least with my mom and brother, but I would keep more of it. If I was gifted an inheritance, especially one that was set up so I wouldn’t have to share, I would not. These were his mother’s wishes, respect them.
Definitely NTA! Since dad and stepmom have been saving money and splitting it between all three kids, tell them to take your portion and split it between the other two. There, problem solved. Oh is it not enough? Not your problem. Don't let anyone tell you that you're the a*****e in this situation because you're not. It's absolutely abhorrent how quickly money can create problems within a family.
The person saying “give a hundred K to this one” “give a hundred K to that one” and “take everyone on a vacation to the Bahamas” THIS nonsense is why it was put into a trust. So he didn’t blow his mom’s and grandparents’ life savings on stupid c**p. A million dollars is not that much money. College and house, What if he can’t gind a job? Has medical issues? You don’t burn through a third of the capital like you’re Santa Claus. It’s to last OP’s life.
Everyone saying YTA are the real AHs that are jealous and would act EXACTLY like the father. No one owes anyone a portion of an inheritance. An inheritance is meant ONLY and SPECIFICALLY for the person named. NO ONE ELSE, NO EXCEPTOINS.
I agree with everyone who said that he is NTA. In California, say San Francisco, you can't even buy a house with a million. Being 17, it is a really good start on education. He can go to school without the burden of having school loan debts. He would also have a nice down payment on a home or go on a worldwide trip. I do suggest he have his grandparents guide him as well as an honest financial advisor.
A million dollars doesn't go very far these days. Heck, 4 years of college and his own house will blow through that before he knows it.
Unless I've read it wrong, it's a stepsister and a half-brother, so the OP shares a father with him. My advice would be not to make any quick decisions but make sure to think it through before saying a definite no to helping family at all. This kind of thing destroys families and I wonder if the OP's mother would want him to risk losing the relationship with his father and brother over it.
NTA, but he should tell his Dad to take whatever the Dad had saved for his college, and use it for his half siblings. Could he afford to give each of his siblings £25k towards college? Certainly. But he isn't obligated to, and shouldn't be pressured into it. Personally, I would suggest that the parents give all the money they've saved for college so far to the 16yo, then start saving for the 5yo, with the understanding that the 16yo will repay half of what she received into the college fund for the 5yo once she's working. Not sharing it with siblings doesn't mean he's being wasteful. £500k - £1m, depending on location, should easily pay for college, and at least a sizable deposit on a house. If he has anything left after buying his first house, which is very dependent on location, then that's a start on a retirement fund or a college fund for his own kids. It is money that his mother and grandparents wanted to go to him, and his children, not to his half siblings.
If it were me, I would let them have a LOAN, but not until they signed something stating that it was a loan, expected to be repaid in full. I'd also include a minimal interest rate that doesn't kick in for 10 years or so. That's far better than you can get at any financial institution.
I don't think this is an easy AITA situation. Yes it is his money to do with as he pleases. Yes he doesn't owe them a share. Yes his mom didn't want his dad to spend it on other kids. Yes his maternal family worked for it. Still, this is exactly what is wrong with oir society. He's not required to share everything equally. And his brother is five, he shouldn't have to hive him anything now. His sister is looking for scholarships, so maybe she doesn't need any. But still this is generational wealth and OP didn't earn it himself and his 'my money, they're not my problem' attitude is callous. He shouldn't give into the pressure of his father and just give his siblings money now, but he also shouldn't behave as if it's not egoistical to not even thinking of supporting his current living family in case of need. He's not indicating that he's mistreated and despite not being well off his father tried to support him.
That he doesn't even think about the option of giving his sister an interest free loan in case she can't get a full scholarship and with regard of the crude situation with student loans in the US is definitely a tad bit unkind. He should at least consider supporting his family in case of unforeseen emergencies, even if he shouldn't just give them an equal share. We have a s****y, cold and callous world out there were everyone only thinks about themselves. He's continuing that. Another coq in the machine of being selfish to the end if he doesn't even consider giving an affordable student loan
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OP could, if he chooses to, drop $50K into protected education trusts for each of his siblings and not feel a thing financially. Having nothing mentioned in the post, I assume his family life, other than mom dieing, is good. Going the route of not sharing or not even giving it any thought could be the nuclear option which could destroy any relationship he has with them. Of course, the way it's written, I think OP's family life isn't all that great to begin with so he may be best off not sharing and going to live with the GP's.
$50k is possibly 10% so not exactly nothing. The bigger problem is the way his father and stepmother jumped all over it with pressuring him. Had they taken it in stride, it is probably more likely he would be inclined to share some. Either way it’s not his obligation to take care of his father’s child and stepchild.
Load More Replies... The YTA posts make my blood boil. He can pay uni, have a nice start in life. The dad and stepmum should take care of the other kids. Not this boys problem. I hope they will leave him alone otherwise he should go live with his grandparents if possible. The mother, sadly deceased, knew what she was doing.
Agreed, he had no say in gaining a step mum and step siblings, no choice in it whatsoever. That was about his dad choosing a new love and addition to the family. He is not responsible for them and the choices he played no part in, end of. Mum and grandparents wanted their bloodline to have this money, that's him and only him here in the scenario. He owes it to his mum and grandparents to use the money as they intented it to be used, not how the very people they were determined they were not saving this money for want access and to use it.
Load More Replies... OP is technically already helping the family financially. Once they turn 18, any future $ they had been planning to spend to help kiddo out can be used for the other kids. Just cause OP doesn't give them a lump sum doesn't mean they aren't profitting from this.
Money tends to bring out the beast in most folks, doesn't it? OP is wise not to split his inheritance. It's a sure bet that his father and stepmother won't be satisfied with whatever they get. Best to refer to the grandparents. In fact, it might be a good idea to move in with them, if it's possible. In addition to harassing OP constantly, I wouldn't put it past those greedy adults to try and get their hands on OP'S money by any means.
The YTA people saying OP is going to lose his family over money aren’t getting it. If he loses his family over this money, it’s because THEY were greedy and selfish, not him.
Load More Replies... The YTA comments confuse me. They act like this kid came into the money by way of some "lottery." The kid literally lost his Mom at age 7. THAT'S how he got the money. His mother had to pass on in order for him to receive the money. He didn't "win" a lottery, he lost his mother. He probably really misses his mom and that money is a huge connection to her and a token of her love for her kid. If she left him expensive jewelry or family heirlooms should he be expected to share that too? Sure, maybe there's plenty for OP to share but that should be left up to OP. No one else should pressure or try to coerce that money away because it's not just some "lottery." It has sentimental value. And the mother gave that to OP, she did not want that money going anywhere else.
Wow, these YTA posts who claim that OP has an obligation to the family that includes setting up a business (for what? One needs to be good at that kind of stuff for a business to flourish) and a "nice Bahamas holiday" - i.e. wasting the money. If they hadn't put pressure on OP, he might have given his siblings a bit to help with their education on his own, but after that s**t show, nope. He can help them later in life as well. I agree with YTA that one shares good fortune with friends - just seems that this family isn't OP's 'friends'...
The moment he gives them "just a small portion," they'll expect more. "Oh college cost more. I need a car to commute. You can pay my rent, right?"
Anyone who called OP the A in this situation has missed the point so completely, it's maddening. His late mother ensured he could go to college without a lifetime of student loan debt, he could pursue any career or interest he had which would give him the greatest opportunities in life. He is just barely a legal adult so planning for a home and possible move in the future are also on the table. If his dad and stepmom had reacted more graciously themselves and ASKED, not TOLD him, how giving some portion of his inheritance to his siblings (who, by the sounds of it, OP doesn't feel close to), that would have been far more understandable. But as it stands, I 100% support OP keeping things as they are when his dad and stepmom just acted like this would be how it's handled.
All those yta people are something else. Even with the money Dad should still be splitting things in three. He still needs to support his son regardless what the mom does. It's still his kid n regardless of what mom n grandparents did dad is still 50% responsible for paying for care. Because that is still his son.
People sure have a strong opinion over what other people should do with *their* money. Here's a tip. If he *wants* to help/split with his siblings, great. What a nice gesture. If he doesn't, there's zero obligation. And no, regardless of how much money it is or what someone else would do in their situation, not sharing is does not make one an AH. Every family and situation is different. And judging this kid for not helping out based on your life experience makes you an AH. If I were in that scenario, I might be inclined to help out UNTIL they started the pressure campaign. Once that happened, that door would have closed immediately. It's his money. Period. Let him use it as he sees fit.
Nta and the way the parents expected him to share really soured any potential of him making a kinf gesture to help them out. I know if I were him I would help out my siblings but I also know that my family would never expect such a thing so that probably changes it because ive actually been on the other side of this. I have a step sister who was in a similar situation and much older than me and when I went to college I learned that she actually had set aside some money for me to help out with college. Neither my parents or I knew about it and we were bowled over by it because it was absolutely not expected.
There is a lot of context missing from this story. His mother set this up while still married to the kid's dad? So I guess this implies that a) she knew that their marriage was going to end, either through divorce or her death, maybe because she was ill, and b) that regardless of why the marriage ended, the relationship wasn't very good that she would suspect her then husband to become greedy this way. Obviously she didn't care for him enough to leave him any of the money. It sounds like there was a lot of troubled relationships in this family. As for the OP, his relationship with his dad and step family doesn't sound great either. If he were close to his now family, he would probably have not kept this such a secret, but I think the drama in the family runs deeper than what the OP has described.
« His mother set this up while still married to the kid's dad? » Yes, and whatever the reason, she was right to. Thinking of her kid’s future seems legit to me, regardless of her relationship with the father.
Load More Replies... My Uncle passed away five days ago. His wishes are for his step children / grandchildren to benefit from his estate. I have zero issues with his wishes, he was loved by all of us and my side of the family are well settled financially and his children / grandchildren are a bit younger than all of us. They are starting their way in life and that money will help them find their feet at Uni, Apprenticeships, house deposit etc. I couldn’t imagine a better way for his estate to be used. He was a generous, loving man in life and hopefully his estate will continue that, his family (whilst not his direct bloodline) are the most loving and caring bunch, they have lost the rock in their life, the money is totally irrelevant, they have lost way more than I can imagine. Money doesn’t make up for our loss but I know it’ll give them a leg up so why would any of us dispute his wishes? Some things are more important than money. I love them and I hope that we all continue to be connected by him.
Obviously, all these YTA posters are jealous this kid has money and they don't!!! In no way, shape, or form is this boy an AH. His mom and grandparents planned very carefully to assure his future. And ANYONE saying that anyone but this boy deserves a dime are rotten POS. Like if they found $500K in a bag in a resale shop, they wouldn't keep every penny!! I guarentee they wouldn't bring it to the people running the shop and say "I found this in a bag you have for sale, I wouldn't feel right keeping it" Watch it Pinocchio, you're gonna put somebody's eye out with that thing!!!
He's keeping his money like his mother wanted. Everyone saying YTA are the selfish, entitled aholes. It's an inheritance from his DEAD mother who didn't want her husbands future children benefitting. He's honouring her wishes.
No, No. No. The money is for him. Their wanting money does not make it theirs, nor do they have any right to even expect it. Father may make an issue out of it since he is still living at home, and he may need to move to grandparents if it creates more problems because they are NOT going to let it go, they want that money. And I'd change tune and tell them that he has no access until age 25, and only grandparents can touch it.
Start looking at the points of the responders. NTA responders have high points, YTA responders have very few or negative points. That says a lot about the type of people who commented on the original post.
NTA. Your mum is your guardian angel. She's is watching over you. Use your new wealth wisely as intended. You now have a foot on the ladder many only dream of. Your mum & grandparents were/are very loving & wise, on your behalf, bless them. Stand your ground kiddo & watch your back. It's not your responsibility to support the others.
He's already been contributing since the death of his mom his Dad has been cashing large monthly social security checks that will continue all through college unless the boy decides to have that money also diverted to him.
Load More Replies... My (biologically half-)sister got a lump sum when she turned 18 from her father passing away. It wasn't HUGE but it was a good help to start in life. I got none of it and didn't expect any. However, my sister (or I) would never hesitate to help out one another. We're not even that close, but that's just the way we are. We help one another when we can. That's why I understand those parents' disappointment. I wouldn't expect my son to split evenly this inheritance, that's not what the money was for. But I would have hoped he would naturally want to help his siblings. If it means helping out with a bit of this money for tuition, why not? Just a gesture, significant enough to show he cares, but not so much that it would significantly reduce his inheritance. As a mother, I would be proud for my son to show kindness and love to his (new) siblings. By the way, getting an inheritance as a lump sum as 18 is the most desastrous idea you could think of. Stagger it!
This is cringe and unacceptable. Money can really show the real image of people. My advice for you is to lawyer up. Seek legal guidance. I know this https://orglaw.com.au/will-dispute-lawyers-brisbane/ have very good lawyers as my mom happened to experience the same. Do not let them get your inheritance.
OP has absolutely no obligation to pay a single penny for the step/half siblings, as it was made clear by his mother they’ve no business taking money from his inheritance, because he owes them nothing; & it’s from OP’s mom, therefore it’s HER wish to provide solely for her OWN child! They don’t get to freeload off someone else’s money, whether they share a father or not. I’d also make sure everything is legally set up so they can’t try to sue OP for part of the inheritance. I can also relate, as I’m awaiting a settlement for a medical negligence case & the first thing we did is see our family solicitor & fix it legally; to ensure my so-called “dad” & his current partner won’t try to seek guardianship of me & the money, if anything happens to my mum (as I’m autistic). They once tried to get custody of me as a child, telling ridiculous lies about my mum. Glad they didn’t win, as I suffered mental/emotional abuse from that woman just staying weekends (& I’m now NC with both of them). 😐🙅♀️
I'm a bit conflicted here. I know it's OP's prerogative to decide whether to share the inheritance or not. But he's saying like his dad and step mom is some random people trying to get his money. It's never indicated that they treat him bad - seems like a normal family. I would feel betrayed too if someone who I thought was my brother found significant amount of wealth and decide not to help the family a bit when he can.
If I won the lottery I would share it, at least with my mom and brother, but I would keep more of it. If I was gifted an inheritance, especially one that was set up so I wouldn’t have to share, I would not. These were his mother’s wishes, respect them.
Definitely NTA! Since dad and stepmom have been saving money and splitting it between all three kids, tell them to take your portion and split it between the other two. There, problem solved. Oh is it not enough? Not your problem. Don't let anyone tell you that you're the a*****e in this situation because you're not. It's absolutely abhorrent how quickly money can create problems within a family.
The person saying “give a hundred K to this one” “give a hundred K to that one” and “take everyone on a vacation to the Bahamas” THIS nonsense is why it was put into a trust. So he didn’t blow his mom’s and grandparents’ life savings on stupid c**p. A million dollars is not that much money. College and house, What if he can’t gind a job? Has medical issues? You don’t burn through a third of the capital like you’re Santa Claus. It’s to last OP’s life.
Everyone saying YTA are the real AHs that are jealous and would act EXACTLY like the father. No one owes anyone a portion of an inheritance. An inheritance is meant ONLY and SPECIFICALLY for the person named. NO ONE ELSE, NO EXCEPTOINS.
I agree with everyone who said that he is NTA. In California, say San Francisco, you can't even buy a house with a million. Being 17, it is a really good start on education. He can go to school without the burden of having school loan debts. He would also have a nice down payment on a home or go on a worldwide trip. I do suggest he have his grandparents guide him as well as an honest financial advisor.
A million dollars doesn't go very far these days. Heck, 4 years of college and his own house will blow through that before he knows it.
Unless I've read it wrong, it's a stepsister and a half-brother, so the OP shares a father with him. My advice would be not to make any quick decisions but make sure to think it through before saying a definite no to helping family at all. This kind of thing destroys families and I wonder if the OP's mother would want him to risk losing the relationship with his father and brother over it.
NTA, but he should tell his Dad to take whatever the Dad had saved for his college, and use it for his half siblings. Could he afford to give each of his siblings £25k towards college? Certainly. But he isn't obligated to, and shouldn't be pressured into it. Personally, I would suggest that the parents give all the money they've saved for college so far to the 16yo, then start saving for the 5yo, with the understanding that the 16yo will repay half of what she received into the college fund for the 5yo once she's working. Not sharing it with siblings doesn't mean he's being wasteful. £500k - £1m, depending on location, should easily pay for college, and at least a sizable deposit on a house. If he has anything left after buying his first house, which is very dependent on location, then that's a start on a retirement fund or a college fund for his own kids. It is money that his mother and grandparents wanted to go to him, and his children, not to his half siblings.
If it were me, I would let them have a LOAN, but not until they signed something stating that it was a loan, expected to be repaid in full. I'd also include a minimal interest rate that doesn't kick in for 10 years or so. That's far better than you can get at any financial institution.
I don't think this is an easy AITA situation. Yes it is his money to do with as he pleases. Yes he doesn't owe them a share. Yes his mom didn't want his dad to spend it on other kids. Yes his maternal family worked for it. Still, this is exactly what is wrong with oir society. He's not required to share everything equally. And his brother is five, he shouldn't have to hive him anything now. His sister is looking for scholarships, so maybe she doesn't need any. But still this is generational wealth and OP didn't earn it himself and his 'my money, they're not my problem' attitude is callous. He shouldn't give into the pressure of his father and just give his siblings money now, but he also shouldn't behave as if it's not egoistical to not even thinking of supporting his current living family in case of need. He's not indicating that he's mistreated and despite not being well off his father tried to support him.
That he doesn't even think about the option of giving his sister an interest free loan in case she can't get a full scholarship and with regard of the crude situation with student loans in the US is definitely a tad bit unkind. He should at least consider supporting his family in case of unforeseen emergencies, even if he shouldn't just give them an equal share. We have a s****y, cold and callous world out there were everyone only thinks about themselves. He's continuing that. Another coq in the machine of being selfish to the end if he doesn't even consider giving an affordable student loan
Load More Replies... OP could, if he chooses to, drop $50K into protected education trusts for each of his siblings and not feel a thing financially. Having nothing mentioned in the post, I assume his family life, other than mom dieing, is good. Going the route of not sharing or not even giving it any thought could be the nuclear option which could destroy any relationship he has with them. Of course, the way it's written, I think OP's family life isn't all that great to begin with so he may be best off not sharing and going to live with the GP's.
$50k is possibly 10% so not exactly nothing. The bigger problem is the way his father and stepmother jumped all over it with pressuring him. Had they taken it in stride, it is probably more likely he would be inclined to share some. Either way it’s not his obligation to take care of his father’s child and stepchild.
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