Boy Keeps Being Forgotten By Parents, Until They Demand He Give Them $350K College Fund
Being one child in a large family can be hard, particularly when it’s pretty clear that your parents have decided to put most of their attention on your siblings. In these sorts of situations, the parents should, perhaps, not be surprised when the neglected child ends up making their own decisions.
A young man wondered if he was in the wrong for refusing to hand over his college fund to help pay for his sister’s stomach surgery. While it would immensely improve her quality of life, he wondered why they needed his money in particular.
In a larger family, some kids will end up feeling like they never received enough attention
Image credits: Piron Guillaume (not the actual photo)
One teen refused to hand over the college fund his grandparents set up for him
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Overall_Sherbert_355
Image credits: Piron Guillaume (not the actual photo)
Being constantly overlooked by your parents is a form of neglect
Generally, discussions of childhood neglect focus on physical health and nutrition. Unfortunately, some families are unable or unwilling to give their offspring the food, shelter, and lifestyle they need to develop in a healthy manner. However, kids and young adults still need attention, which is something OP seems to not have gotten due to the abundance of siblings his parents ended up fostering.
While it might be admirable that OP’s parents decided to take in so many children, it does raise the question of if it’s at all worth it. After all, OP, their biological child has ended up feeling neglected, ignored, and tasked with helping raise kids while himself still being a child. While it’s not as visible as physical neglect, developmental and emotional neglect is still a major issue.
In the worst cases, this sort of neglect has been associated with cognitive and emotional difficulties. This is not to go as far as to claim that OP actually has these, rather, it’s just an illustration of the damage it can cause. This, quite easily, explains why he is reluctant to hand over his college fund.
Image credits: CDC (not the actual photo)
The parents are being manipulative about their kid’s responsibilities
After all, OP most likely feels that after years of being ignored, he deserves this one opportunity. It’s important to note that his grandparents appear to agree, which lends some credence to this emotion. At the same time, there is the very good question of why exactly would he feel the responsibility to help his siblings. After all, it’s the parent’s job, particularly with children they choose to bring into the family.
The parents are also doing something quite selfish by asking OP for the money. Ultimately, his little sister would greatly benefit from the surgery, however, they are creating a situation where, for the rest of her life, the sister will be told that her pain is the result of her brother not forking over some cash.
A responsible adult will understand that, ultimately, it is the parent’s responsibility and if they want money from someone, they have best to earn it. While some readers might think that OP’s story is biased in his favor, the actions of the grandparents also point to the fact that this level of neglect is visible from the outside.
OP is right to feel unhappy that it’s always his money that ends up used for his siblings
All in all, as many of the commenters would suggest, OP should not feel bad for holding on to the money. Additionally, the parents did set money aside for the siblings but appear to feel entitled to OP’s fund. This makes it look like they are less interested in helping the little sister at all costs and, instead, are trying to find the “cheapest” way to do it.
The grandparents and OP have recognized that this money might be his best chance at making a life for himself, particularly when denied the opportunity by his parents. Perhaps, if we are being hopeful, the adults will see OP’s refusal as a sort of wake-up call and begin to understand just how much they have ignored his needs.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Some readers needed more information
Commenters thought OP was justified and shared their sympathies for his experiences
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
371Kviews
Share on Facebook
Something stinks here...far too many conflicting elements. I have worked with troubled kids for nearly 30 years. I understand the system all too well and although it varies state-to-state in the US, some key elements are the same: foster kids are covered by the state for healthcare. If you adopt a child with special needs, there are programs that help cover medical costs. A family with multiple children, bio, adopted, foster, can receive government help with healthcare costs. Someone is lying here and the entire story sounds fishy as heck.
yeah that's true. I had a feeling that the parents are lying about it to steal money from their son. Especially considering their history with him. There's a pattern.
Load More Replies...
Speaking as a former foster child, this story about having to pay for a foster child's surgery is absolute b******t. The state completely covers all medical expenses--ALL of them, including dental. The parents are using their son to grandstand in front of their family, friends, and neighbors. This nonsense should have been reported to Social Services years ago. They would have then determined that these people were not financially fit to raise the kids, and had them placed elsewhere. On top of that, if it was determined that the stipends were misused, the parents would have been required to reimburse the state.
OP needs to get out of there ASAP, with his grandparents' help. Once out, he needs to file a complaint with the state. He's been shortchanged enough; his future will be next without intervention. NTA.
Load More Replies...
I also am the eldest in a family where I am bio and the others foster. The same thing happened to me, I was on my own as a kid, never got help, moved away to make my own success while my parents spent all their time and money on the foster (later adopted) kids. They sometimes said they did it for me to have siblings but all I feel like I got out of it was less love and attention and more pain as these kids had pretty bad issues to work through that affected the entire family. After all that, my adopted siblings are ungrateful even though they had so much attention and care, are still mooching off my parents, I'm basically no contact with my siblings. Now my parents moved here so I can take care of them when they're old. I resent my parents so much for what they did. I wish I'd been an only child. I would tell this kid to keep that college fund because if he doesn't keep that for himself he will get nothing.
I adopted two of my foster kids and can tell you that they had state health insurance until they turned eighteen. We also had to prove that we were able to provide for their needs, all their needs, before being allowed to adopt! It sounds like this is a bid to get their hands on your college fund for selfish reasons! Don’t let them guilt trip you into anything before you have all the facts!
They don't want him going to college because they would lose a slave to help them with their other children. He's been parentified and they're trying to trap him there forever to do their job.
My heart hurts for this poor boy. Almost reminds of the book "A Child Called It". Where for some reason, 1 child was just hated by his mom and the rest of the family followed along. Honestly at 17 I'd be making things difficult for them. Not going home after school, join all the clubs you can. Don't need parental permission to join a club. Get a part time job and just stay out of that house as much as possible. Don't baby sit. Post about them on social media and embarrass them to all the friends and family. Just go to friend's houses without telling them which friend. Honestly enter your rebellious phase, but keep your grades up and don't do drugs or alcohol. Get your exit plan ready for the day you turn 18 and then leave. You do not need their permission to go anywhere you wanna go at 18. Talk with your grandparents. And do not give them a dime. I'm a mom of 2, and they do NOT owe me a single thing. I owed them a good childhood and solid foundation to become good adults.
THIS! Talk to the Grands and ask them what they think.
Load More Replies...
I hope that 17 year old kid gets out of there ASAP. His parents are monsters.
Why are these people fostering children if they apparently don´t have enough money for that many kids?
Many others have said there are holes in this story about medical care for foster and adopted kids. There’s Medicaid if nothing else. Anyway, these parents are money bottomless holes. The grandparents realize this. Op can pour every penny of their college fund and every penny they ever earn into this hole and it won’t fill it up, people who have bottomless money holes are trying to fill another need. To speculate, the parents are trying to prove that they are selfless and loved. I also think they want to turn OP into a third parent, dedicated to caring for the children and possibly replacing them in the future, rather than one of the children.
Your grandparents sound like wonderful people. Go somewhere you can not be overheard, and call your grandparents right now and ask them if you could move in with them tonight and finish high school. You NEED to get away from your toxic parents tonight. Say nothing to anyone until your grandparents are there to pick you up! They are the only family you have that will have your best interests at heart. As their child, you parents shouldnt have even burdened you about your financial difficulties at all. Parents are supposed to sheild their children from this stress. You're probably a senior in H.S. like my son and i know this is the most stressful school year for both of us. Let your parents worry bout your sister What would they do if there wasnt ever any money left you? They would figure it out. Which is what you need to let them do! You have grades/GPA to maintain, all the senior graduation events to enjoy and college application deadlines to worry about. Go NO Contact as well
As the mom of two children adopted from foster care, our state provides Medicaid for the children, as well as a monthly stipend until they are 18, even if adopted. Other states may be different, but that's how it is in Louisiana. Odds are it is similar in other states. If so, these parents are terrible people.
I don't think this would be a problem in any other civilised country. The education and health care would be free. The parents might be AH anyway neglecting OP's other needs but the rest wouldn't be a issue.
Not sure it's truly an issue here, sounds like the parents are gaslighting the OP.
Load More Replies...
In addition to what the others are saying re foster/post adoption care services, you can get insurance through the marketplace for like 500$ for a family, if not less. I used to work for Blue Cross Blue Shield and one thing i learned is that only medically unnecessary surgeries are forced to be paid out of pocket. Say the doctors believe it only has a 1% chance of improving the child's life. With all the resources out there, these parents obviously just want to take away the one asset their oldest son has and prevent him from doing better with his life. I hope he had an eye opening from all the helpful comments and moves out. Im the eldest child and was a live in maid, babysitter and source of income as i found out when i turned 18 and moved out that my mom had stolen all of my social security money, 900$/ month for the 3 years after my dad passed. (They bought their 4 bedroom house in 1998 for $32,000 so my money was 3x the mortgage each month, definitely not reasonable expenses)
Wow! I'm so sorry to hear that. If that money was meant for you I think you could go to the SS office and make a claim against them. So wrong!
Load More Replies... 
My sister and her husband adopted their son at birth and he is still covered medically, they don't have to worry about it until he's I believe 18.
something is very wrong here. None of that adds up properly. I think the parents are using the money for other things.
NTA and if you can, ask to move in with your grandparents. That way you'll be safe. God forbid if the parents took out life insurance on you. I don't mean to be morbid, but WTF? Why sooooo many fosters? Money. Now they want more money? Seriously are you sure they are all adopted? No checks coming in? Your parents are class A scam artists and they want your money. Get out now!! Let them worry about their issues, those issues are NOT YOURS. Not your kids, not your problems. And for anyone thinking I'm outrageous I knew an adoptive mother who sold her child to pedophiles. the FBI got involved and the horrible mother sits in jail. Hopefully for the rest of her life. There are some awful people out there that will do anything for money. Go live with your grandparents for a year or two, go to college, and live your life. Be safe.
It's not your responsibility to care or fund children that are not yours. You're the sibling not the parent. If they're foster children then your parents need to step back and think about if they can really handle having all these kids they cannot financially take care of.
Get a gofundme started for her surgery...Its your parents job to pay for her medical and not yours. If the get to treating you too bad then ask your grandparents if you can stay with them. You deserve to go to College and be the someone you want to be. God bless you
They likely are just Right Wing Dbags that think college is "liberal brainwashing" and are lying to try and stop him from going to college.
Load More Replies...
Get online or go to a school counselor. Get apications going for college. Apply for scholarships (just to cover bases). Have your escape plan for graduation. As soon as you graduate move to college (if you can't move to grandparents now). You need to get distance from this toxic situation.
I'm suspecting that the parents are padding their estimate substantially to get as much money as possible out of the account. I would insist on speaking to the sister's doctor, and the hospital billing department, to find out what the real story is. What are the projected benefits from the surgery? How much do they estimate it will cost? Do they have any programs to help fund surgery for an uninsured child, or could she have access to medicaid? Do they have a payment plan that could let the parents pay over time? The answer to that last one is almost 100% certainly yes - they don't expect anyone to be able to pay quarter of a million out of pocket. The kid needs to move out ASAP, and move in with grandparents. He should keep his college fund, or at least ask his grandparents to help him get to the facts, and make any payment direct to the hospital, not via the parents.
I think he should keep his college fund no matter what the facts are regarding the younger child. Her problems are the parents' responsibility.
Load More Replies...
This story personally reminds me of why some people should never have kids and why some people should never adopt or foster. This happens in my own family and me and my sibling are both bio. Fake or not these situations happen sometimes and it's pretty much the reason why I think some people shouldn't have a kid live with them. Sometimes no good comes from it.
If you can't move in with your grandparents, use some of the money to move out on your own. I did when I was your age. I'm sure your grandparents would help with cosigning a lease. You seem to have far more reasons to go than stay. Also, your grandparents saved all that money for YOUR future. Do not disrespect them by feeding your parents' poor decision making. I'm not trying to be harsh but make you see that you are not obligated. Money is hard to make and obviously your grandparents love you so much to do that for you. Be good to those who are good to you.
There's no need to take your money at all. You are not the one responsible for paying for surgeries. Your parents could start a "gofundme" or get a loan or take a second out or get a 2nd job for a few years. There are many options. Demanding a child give up something is not a successful way to handle your life's challenges when other options are available. The parents are probably jealous of the money. Beyond that, I think they're over pricing the operation. I don't know where you live but the average price in the US for complicated surgeries is about $100,000, so if you feel you need to ante up I'd be asking for an pre-surgical bill of sevices so you can see for yourself. No bill....no money. If they say they can't get you any just know I have gotten them. It will have doctor costs, hospital costs, and anesthesia costs. Then they can call the insurance company up and ask how much they will pay. OR just say no. It is not your responsibility.
NTA and please do not give your parents the money something stinks in that story and it's not u please don't share that money u can do alot with it to set your self up!
Foster parents get funds from the state to foster each child. They also get medical coverage for those children. If they were able to adopt a child, that child has medical coverage for a number of years there after. Your parents just want access to the money your grandparents gave you. Don't be a fool and give away your future.
I call BS!!! In the process of Foster parent process now and I have to prove I am financially capable. I had to show bank statements, they question my debt, and they can even decline you due to your car not being a newer model. That's JUST to foster which is easier than the adoption process with is govern by the court in most cases of a foster adopted path. These people either slipped through the system (which happenes) as they are horrible people using kids as a cash cow or this whole story is BS. The 17 could call the system to rat on his parents about what they are doing and requesting of him. Technically he's 17 still a minor. If the social worker that mostly deals with this family finds out ...they in trouble.
Hospitals also provide financial aid or even waive the costs of surgical procds, etc when their is financial need. They just have to apply.
Why would someone keep adopting so many kids when they can’t afford it?? I don’t understand. If they had taken money from you in the past that your grandparents gave you, and they neglected you in so many ways, then I definitely wouldn’t be giving up your college fund. You are NTA! The other question is, is the fund just in a bank account, or is it in some kind of educational fund program? They are on bad terms with your grandparents because they don’t agree with what your parents did.
NTA. It was my understanding that foster parents were given a stipend. I don't know if your passengers still foster or what. Your parents say that your not helping financially takes away your sister's future. But college is YOUR future. I get that she's 5 and not to blame. However, you aren't her parent not are you responsible for her. It's amazing that her surgery costs relatively close to your college fund. If you are in the US, your parents should be on the ACA - Affordable Care Act. If they truly don't have insurance, please talk to your grandparents. It might be important to use a bit of your college fund to get on the ACA so you don't have any unwelcome health surprises.
Something smells fishy here. I'm not sure we are getting the full picture from OP....there is a hint of entitlement and no sense of concern for a little girl that needs life changing surgery. There are many ways to get through college and it does not cost as much as $350k.
These "parents " seem like they love the recognition of taking in all these poor unfortunate souls. So many questions I'd love to ask this young man... Who are they setting themselves up to impress? The community in general? Their church (if they have one)? Do they know another couple who has successfully fostered/adopted several children? They're obviously screwed up and I guarantee they have a motivation no matter how twisted it is. There's something in this for them, it's not just mental illness...what are the odds of a married couple having the exact same delusions? The grandparents are onto them, though. He never mentions either parent working (which would be a great way to have health insurance). I'd bet them $270,000.00 that they're making a living off of the foster kids. What would happen if he told them he'll ask the grandparents for $30,000.00 out of his fund as soon as they withdraw $30,000.00 from the other 8 kids' funds? I'm not convinced those funds exist
NTA times infinity. Move in with g & g until you turn 18 then decide where to go and what to do with your life. You don't owe your parents a GD thing.
Parent of a biological kid with serious medical issues. There is a medicaid waiver ( Katie Beckett) that provides medicaid to kids with severe issues even if the parents make decent money. These parents are LYING to the OP to make him feel guilty and hand over the money. They absolutely are not paying for an operation or anything else.
America is special, a child has to decide on their future because medical care is not free. Just have a national heath service ffs.
NTA, I agree with many whi say talk with Grandparents and see if you can move in with them. It isn't your responsibility to fork over you college fund to your parents. My opinion is that you need to get out of that house, your parents are toxic to you. They need to get a wakeup call that you are not their fallback bank! Once you get a job after college I feel they will continue to look to you to provide for the family. I'm happy you have the support of your Grandparents as your parents are lacking hugely in that area. Wishing you the best in the future.
This is fishy. As a parent of a 3 year old with vast medical needs, I can tell you there are county hospitals with free insurance programs, there is Medicaid and CHIP. I had to start there before getting him private insurance. The cons of state insurance is the wait, sometimes a few months, to a year, BUT the costs are next to nothing, or free. These parents just want the money, and I'd be asking what sort of surgery this is because I have had several surgeries, as has my Dad, and my son has an eye surgery coming up and none were anywhere near that amount.
As soon as you turn 18 take YOUR money and run!!! Don't look back you're not going that way!!! If necessary go to your Grandparents and tell them everything! You have been thru a lot of mental and emotional duress, so it's ok to be overwhelmed and confused... Unfortunately we all don't get awesome parents. My mother was meaner than a rattlesnake and tormented me because I look like my Father! Just don't waste it on a stoopid degree... Go to Harley, Boat motor and Jet Ski repair school and live on the beach making bank chasing scantily clad babes!! Good Luck!
Honestly.. I know it sounds like not much of an answer. But the so called parents need therapy. This sounds like compounded mental issues. So many questions and possibilities and none of them good.
I agree with everyone here, but Im wondering if its a surgery not covered/approved by insurance?
The child with the stomach ailment should ask the grandparents for support.
This is another poor creative writing exercise. As Darth Starfish says below - too many holes in the story for it to be at all believable. If you're going to copy/paste reddit threads, please look for more truthful ones. But good on the fictional grandparents for socking away almost half a million in less than ten years.
I can assure you that this c**p goes on in foster care more than you know. Having been in the system, I never saw a nickel of that monthly stipend. But I DID see where the money was being spent: cable TV (which we rarely got to watch), a new truck, a boat, and some land. Oh yes, the foster parents spent good money on their grandkids; us siblings got our clothing from Kmart. They couldn't afford the cost of a student body card, but they COULD afford to spend $101 to have a dog's ears cropped. It was at that point that I realized just how little we meant to those people. When we left that hellhole, guess what happened to all of those perks?
Load More Replies... Likely the parents are controlling Religious Right Wing nuts who do not want their children to go to college because they got it into their Imagination from political and/or religious lies that education is "liberal indoctrination". This could be multiplied if the OP is the result of a prior relationship/proof that someone had a child out of wedlock, from infidelity or from SA and their brainwashing forced them to have him anyways so as not to be hypocrites. His parents seem to be on a Pro-Life High Horse of Pride but also resent him for taking them off the path of abstract ideology and starting them down the path of deed.
Hey Marcellus II do you realize how much money that is and even if he does split it, he will end up with so much debt from college. Knowing how much the surgery that takes more than half.
Load More Replies... Something stinks here...far too many conflicting elements. I have worked with troubled kids for nearly 30 years. I understand the system all too well and although it varies state-to-state in the US, some key elements are the same: foster kids are covered by the state for healthcare. If you adopt a child with special needs, there are programs that help cover medical costs. A family with multiple children, bio, adopted, foster, can receive government help with healthcare costs. Someone is lying here and the entire story sounds fishy as heck.
yeah that's true. I had a feeling that the parents are lying about it to steal money from their son. Especially considering their history with him. There's a pattern.
Load More Replies... Speaking as a former foster child, this story about having to pay for a foster child's surgery is absolute b******t. The state completely covers all medical expenses--ALL of them, including dental. The parents are using their son to grandstand in front of their family, friends, and neighbors. This nonsense should have been reported to Social Services years ago. They would have then determined that these people were not financially fit to raise the kids, and had them placed elsewhere. On top of that, if it was determined that the stipends were misused, the parents would have been required to reimburse the state.
OP needs to get out of there ASAP, with his grandparents' help. Once out, he needs to file a complaint with the state. He's been shortchanged enough; his future will be next without intervention. NTA.
Load More Replies... I also am the eldest in a family where I am bio and the others foster. The same thing happened to me, I was on my own as a kid, never got help, moved away to make my own success while my parents spent all their time and money on the foster (later adopted) kids. They sometimes said they did it for me to have siblings but all I feel like I got out of it was less love and attention and more pain as these kids had pretty bad issues to work through that affected the entire family. After all that, my adopted siblings are ungrateful even though they had so much attention and care, are still mooching off my parents, I'm basically no contact with my siblings. Now my parents moved here so I can take care of them when they're old. I resent my parents so much for what they did. I wish I'd been an only child. I would tell this kid to keep that college fund because if he doesn't keep that for himself he will get nothing.
I adopted two of my foster kids and can tell you that they had state health insurance until they turned eighteen. We also had to prove that we were able to provide for their needs, all their needs, before being allowed to adopt! It sounds like this is a bid to get their hands on your college fund for selfish reasons! Don’t let them guilt trip you into anything before you have all the facts!
They don't want him going to college because they would lose a slave to help them with their other children. He's been parentified and they're trying to trap him there forever to do their job.
My heart hurts for this poor boy. Almost reminds of the book "A Child Called It". Where for some reason, 1 child was just hated by his mom and the rest of the family followed along. Honestly at 17 I'd be making things difficult for them. Not going home after school, join all the clubs you can. Don't need parental permission to join a club. Get a part time job and just stay out of that house as much as possible. Don't baby sit. Post about them on social media and embarrass them to all the friends and family. Just go to friend's houses without telling them which friend. Honestly enter your rebellious phase, but keep your grades up and don't do drugs or alcohol. Get your exit plan ready for the day you turn 18 and then leave. You do not need their permission to go anywhere you wanna go at 18. Talk with your grandparents. And do not give them a dime. I'm a mom of 2, and they do NOT owe me a single thing. I owed them a good childhood and solid foundation to become good adults.
THIS! Talk to the Grands and ask them what they think.
Load More Replies... I hope that 17 year old kid gets out of there ASAP. His parents are monsters.
Why are these people fostering children if they apparently don´t have enough money for that many kids?
Many others have said there are holes in this story about medical care for foster and adopted kids. There’s Medicaid if nothing else. Anyway, these parents are money bottomless holes. The grandparents realize this. Op can pour every penny of their college fund and every penny they ever earn into this hole and it won’t fill it up, people who have bottomless money holes are trying to fill another need. To speculate, the parents are trying to prove that they are selfless and loved. I also think they want to turn OP into a third parent, dedicated to caring for the children and possibly replacing them in the future, rather than one of the children.
Your grandparents sound like wonderful people. Go somewhere you can not be overheard, and call your grandparents right now and ask them if you could move in with them tonight and finish high school. You NEED to get away from your toxic parents tonight. Say nothing to anyone until your grandparents are there to pick you up! They are the only family you have that will have your best interests at heart. As their child, you parents shouldnt have even burdened you about your financial difficulties at all. Parents are supposed to sheild their children from this stress. You're probably a senior in H.S. like my son and i know this is the most stressful school year for both of us. Let your parents worry bout your sister What would they do if there wasnt ever any money left you? They would figure it out. Which is what you need to let them do! You have grades/GPA to maintain, all the senior graduation events to enjoy and college application deadlines to worry about. Go NO Contact as well
As the mom of two children adopted from foster care, our state provides Medicaid for the children, as well as a monthly stipend until they are 18, even if adopted. Other states may be different, but that's how it is in Louisiana. Odds are it is similar in other states. If so, these parents are terrible people.
I don't think this would be a problem in any other civilised country. The education and health care would be free. The parents might be AH anyway neglecting OP's other needs but the rest wouldn't be a issue.
Not sure it's truly an issue here, sounds like the parents are gaslighting the OP.
Load More Replies... In addition to what the others are saying re foster/post adoption care services, you can get insurance through the marketplace for like 500$ for a family, if not less. I used to work for Blue Cross Blue Shield and one thing i learned is that only medically unnecessary surgeries are forced to be paid out of pocket. Say the doctors believe it only has a 1% chance of improving the child's life. With all the resources out there, these parents obviously just want to take away the one asset their oldest son has and prevent him from doing better with his life. I hope he had an eye opening from all the helpful comments and moves out. Im the eldest child and was a live in maid, babysitter and source of income as i found out when i turned 18 and moved out that my mom had stolen all of my social security money, 900$/ month for the 3 years after my dad passed. (They bought their 4 bedroom house in 1998 for $32,000 so my money was 3x the mortgage each month, definitely not reasonable expenses)
Wow! I'm so sorry to hear that. If that money was meant for you I think you could go to the SS office and make a claim against them. So wrong!
Load More Replies... My sister and her husband adopted their son at birth and he is still covered medically, they don't have to worry about it until he's I believe 18.
something is very wrong here. None of that adds up properly. I think the parents are using the money for other things.
NTA and if you can, ask to move in with your grandparents. That way you'll be safe. God forbid if the parents took out life insurance on you. I don't mean to be morbid, but WTF? Why sooooo many fosters? Money. Now they want more money? Seriously are you sure they are all adopted? No checks coming in? Your parents are class A scam artists and they want your money. Get out now!! Let them worry about their issues, those issues are NOT YOURS. Not your kids, not your problems. And for anyone thinking I'm outrageous I knew an adoptive mother who sold her child to pedophiles. the FBI got involved and the horrible mother sits in jail. Hopefully for the rest of her life. There are some awful people out there that will do anything for money. Go live with your grandparents for a year or two, go to college, and live your life. Be safe.
It's not your responsibility to care or fund children that are not yours. You're the sibling not the parent. If they're foster children then your parents need to step back and think about if they can really handle having all these kids they cannot financially take care of.
Get a gofundme started for her surgery...Its your parents job to pay for her medical and not yours. If the get to treating you too bad then ask your grandparents if you can stay with them. You deserve to go to College and be the someone you want to be. God bless you
They likely are just Right Wing Dbags that think college is "liberal brainwashing" and are lying to try and stop him from going to college.
Load More Replies... Get online or go to a school counselor. Get apications going for college. Apply for scholarships (just to cover bases). Have your escape plan for graduation. As soon as you graduate move to college (if you can't move to grandparents now). You need to get distance from this toxic situation.
I'm suspecting that the parents are padding their estimate substantially to get as much money as possible out of the account. I would insist on speaking to the sister's doctor, and the hospital billing department, to find out what the real story is. What are the projected benefits from the surgery? How much do they estimate it will cost? Do they have any programs to help fund surgery for an uninsured child, or could she have access to medicaid? Do they have a payment plan that could let the parents pay over time? The answer to that last one is almost 100% certainly yes - they don't expect anyone to be able to pay quarter of a million out of pocket. The kid needs to move out ASAP, and move in with grandparents. He should keep his college fund, or at least ask his grandparents to help him get to the facts, and make any payment direct to the hospital, not via the parents.
I think he should keep his college fund no matter what the facts are regarding the younger child. Her problems are the parents' responsibility.
Load More Replies... This story personally reminds me of why some people should never have kids and why some people should never adopt or foster. This happens in my own family and me and my sibling are both bio. Fake or not these situations happen sometimes and it's pretty much the reason why I think some people shouldn't have a kid live with them. Sometimes no good comes from it.
If you can't move in with your grandparents, use some of the money to move out on your own. I did when I was your age. I'm sure your grandparents would help with cosigning a lease. You seem to have far more reasons to go than stay. Also, your grandparents saved all that money for YOUR future. Do not disrespect them by feeding your parents' poor decision making. I'm not trying to be harsh but make you see that you are not obligated. Money is hard to make and obviously your grandparents love you so much to do that for you. Be good to those who are good to you.
There's no need to take your money at all. You are not the one responsible for paying for surgeries. Your parents could start a "gofundme" or get a loan or take a second out or get a 2nd job for a few years. There are many options. Demanding a child give up something is not a successful way to handle your life's challenges when other options are available. The parents are probably jealous of the money. Beyond that, I think they're over pricing the operation. I don't know where you live but the average price in the US for complicated surgeries is about $100,000, so if you feel you need to ante up I'd be asking for an pre-surgical bill of sevices so you can see for yourself. No bill....no money. If they say they can't get you any just know I have gotten them. It will have doctor costs, hospital costs, and anesthesia costs. Then they can call the insurance company up and ask how much they will pay. OR just say no. It is not your responsibility.
NTA and please do not give your parents the money something stinks in that story and it's not u please don't share that money u can do alot with it to set your self up!
Foster parents get funds from the state to foster each child. They also get medical coverage for those children. If they were able to adopt a child, that child has medical coverage for a number of years there after. Your parents just want access to the money your grandparents gave you. Don't be a fool and give away your future.
I call BS!!! In the process of Foster parent process now and I have to prove I am financially capable. I had to show bank statements, they question my debt, and they can even decline you due to your car not being a newer model. That's JUST to foster which is easier than the adoption process with is govern by the court in most cases of a foster adopted path. These people either slipped through the system (which happenes) as they are horrible people using kids as a cash cow or this whole story is BS. The 17 could call the system to rat on his parents about what they are doing and requesting of him. Technically he's 17 still a minor. If the social worker that mostly deals with this family finds out ...they in trouble.
Hospitals also provide financial aid or even waive the costs of surgical procds, etc when their is financial need. They just have to apply.
Why would someone keep adopting so many kids when they can’t afford it?? I don’t understand. If they had taken money from you in the past that your grandparents gave you, and they neglected you in so many ways, then I definitely wouldn’t be giving up your college fund. You are NTA! The other question is, is the fund just in a bank account, or is it in some kind of educational fund program? They are on bad terms with your grandparents because they don’t agree with what your parents did.
NTA. It was my understanding that foster parents were given a stipend. I don't know if your passengers still foster or what. Your parents say that your not helping financially takes away your sister's future. But college is YOUR future. I get that she's 5 and not to blame. However, you aren't her parent not are you responsible for her. It's amazing that her surgery costs relatively close to your college fund. If you are in the US, your parents should be on the ACA - Affordable Care Act. If they truly don't have insurance, please talk to your grandparents. It might be important to use a bit of your college fund to get on the ACA so you don't have any unwelcome health surprises.
Something smells fishy here. I'm not sure we are getting the full picture from OP....there is a hint of entitlement and no sense of concern for a little girl that needs life changing surgery. There are many ways to get through college and it does not cost as much as $350k.
These "parents " seem like they love the recognition of taking in all these poor unfortunate souls. So many questions I'd love to ask this young man... Who are they setting themselves up to impress? The community in general? Their church (if they have one)? Do they know another couple who has successfully fostered/adopted several children? They're obviously screwed up and I guarantee they have a motivation no matter how twisted it is. There's something in this for them, it's not just mental illness...what are the odds of a married couple having the exact same delusions? The grandparents are onto them, though. He never mentions either parent working (which would be a great way to have health insurance). I'd bet them $270,000.00 that they're making a living off of the foster kids. What would happen if he told them he'll ask the grandparents for $30,000.00 out of his fund as soon as they withdraw $30,000.00 from the other 8 kids' funds? I'm not convinced those funds exist
NTA times infinity. Move in with g & g until you turn 18 then decide where to go and what to do with your life. You don't owe your parents a GD thing.
Parent of a biological kid with serious medical issues. There is a medicaid waiver ( Katie Beckett) that provides medicaid to kids with severe issues even if the parents make decent money. These parents are LYING to the OP to make him feel guilty and hand over the money. They absolutely are not paying for an operation or anything else.
America is special, a child has to decide on their future because medical care is not free. Just have a national heath service ffs.
NTA, I agree with many whi say talk with Grandparents and see if you can move in with them. It isn't your responsibility to fork over you college fund to your parents. My opinion is that you need to get out of that house, your parents are toxic to you. They need to get a wakeup call that you are not their fallback bank! Once you get a job after college I feel they will continue to look to you to provide for the family. I'm happy you have the support of your Grandparents as your parents are lacking hugely in that area. Wishing you the best in the future.
This is fishy. As a parent of a 3 year old with vast medical needs, I can tell you there are county hospitals with free insurance programs, there is Medicaid and CHIP. I had to start there before getting him private insurance. The cons of state insurance is the wait, sometimes a few months, to a year, BUT the costs are next to nothing, or free. These parents just want the money, and I'd be asking what sort of surgery this is because I have had several surgeries, as has my Dad, and my son has an eye surgery coming up and none were anywhere near that amount.
As soon as you turn 18 take YOUR money and run!!! Don't look back you're not going that way!!! If necessary go to your Grandparents and tell them everything! You have been thru a lot of mental and emotional duress, so it's ok to be overwhelmed and confused... Unfortunately we all don't get awesome parents. My mother was meaner than a rattlesnake and tormented me because I look like my Father! Just don't waste it on a stoopid degree... Go to Harley, Boat motor and Jet Ski repair school and live on the beach making bank chasing scantily clad babes!! Good Luck!
Honestly.. I know it sounds like not much of an answer. But the so called parents need therapy. This sounds like compounded mental issues. So many questions and possibilities and none of them good.
I agree with everyone here, but Im wondering if its a surgery not covered/approved by insurance?
The child with the stomach ailment should ask the grandparents for support.
This is another poor creative writing exercise. As Darth Starfish says below - too many holes in the story for it to be at all believable. If you're going to copy/paste reddit threads, please look for more truthful ones. But good on the fictional grandparents for socking away almost half a million in less than ten years.
I can assure you that this c**p goes on in foster care more than you know. Having been in the system, I never saw a nickel of that monthly stipend. But I DID see where the money was being spent: cable TV (which we rarely got to watch), a new truck, a boat, and some land. Oh yes, the foster parents spent good money on their grandkids; us siblings got our clothing from Kmart. They couldn't afford the cost of a student body card, but they COULD afford to spend $101 to have a dog's ears cropped. It was at that point that I realized just how little we meant to those people. When we left that hellhole, guess what happened to all of those perks?
Load More Replies... Likely the parents are controlling Religious Right Wing nuts who do not want their children to go to college because they got it into their Imagination from political and/or religious lies that education is "liberal indoctrination". This could be multiplied if the OP is the result of a prior relationship/proof that someone had a child out of wedlock, from infidelity or from SA and their brainwashing forced them to have him anyways so as not to be hypocrites. His parents seem to be on a Pro-Life High Horse of Pride but also resent him for taking them off the path of abstract ideology and starting them down the path of deed.
Hey Marcellus II do you realize how much money that is and even if he does split it, he will end up with so much debt from college. Knowing how much the surgery that takes more than half.
Load More Replies...
77
88