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Men Take Back $100-Worth Of Gifts After Overhearing Homophobic Jokes, Family Goes Berserk
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Men Take Back $100-Worth Of Gifts After Overhearing Homophobic Jokes, Family Goes Berserk

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Having a large family to celebrate with during the holiday season can be a huge blessing. The more the merrier during gatherings, and the holidays can feel extra special when you’re surrounded by loving aunts, uncles and cousins.

However, a large family can also be a curse if not every relative is open-minded. Below, you’ll find a story that was recently shared on Reddit, detailing how one man decided to place a few of his family members on the naughty list after overhearing them making offensive comments during their Christmas celebration.

This man was excited to host his family’s Christmas gathering at him and his boyfriend’s new home

Image credits: Binyamin Mellish / Pexels (not the actual photo)

But after hearing some offensive comments made by family members, he decided that not everyone deserved their Christmas presents

Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: freestocks / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Julia Larson / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: tommyandone / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Clint Patterson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

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The majority of LGBT+ individuals still face discrimination today

While it can be painful to keep Christmas presents from loved ones who you were excited to spoil this holiday season, no one is entitled to gifts. That’s why the naughty list exists, after all, and I’m pretty sure Santa would not be okay with homophobia. Despite the fact that over 7% of adults in the United States identify as LGBTQ+, discrimination against queer people has still not been eradicated. 

Stonewall reports that less than half of lesbian, gay, bi and trans people feel comfortable being open and honest about their sexual orientation or gender identity in front of all of their family members. And one in five LGBT individuals have been the target of negative comments or inappropriate conduct from colleagues at work.

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64% of queer people have experienced anti-LGBT violence or abuse, and nearly a quarter of LGBT people have witnessed healthcare workers make discriminatory comments in regards to someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity. 

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Nearly half of the members of the gay community are estranged from at least one relative

It’s heartbreaking enough that non-straight people experience hate and violence anywhere, but unfortunately, this discrimination often doesn’t even end at home. One 2023 survey of 3,695 LGBT adults between the ages of 18 and 25 in the UK found that 46% of them are estranged from at least one relative, and nearly a third noted that they’re unsure if their parents or guardians would actually accept them as they are.

Although 62% of adults in the US now say that they would be comfortable with one of their children coming out to them as gay, there are still 13% of adults who say they would not be comfortable with having a queer child at all. Nearly one in five parents also admit that they wouldn’t be comfortable if their child wanted to start using they/them pronouns.

Despite the progress that has been made for the LGBT+ community in recent decades, it still requires bravery to come out of the closet, and sadly, homophobic jokes are still not seen as offensive by everyone.

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Image credits: tommyandone / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)

It’s important to teach children from a young age that homophobia is no laughing matter

The uncle who shared this story on Reddit understood that his cousins and niece are younger and may not be aware of how harmful their comments were. But this was the perfect opportunity to educate them, as homophobia will continue to rear its ugly head until adults ensure that kids and young adults know not to make such hurtful remarks.

While parents might be tempted to ignore or avoid the topic of homosexuality, it’s important to normalize it from a young age, or it may become stigmatized in young people’s minds. If they’ve never seen or heard about gay people until they’re teens, they might consider them to be strange. Or worse, they might be downright hateful towards them. And for young queer people trying to understand their own identities, it can be extremely confusing to never have your own feelings acknowledged and validated. 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this uncle was right to keep the gifts he bought for his relatives? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes, look no further than right here

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The man later responded to a couple of replies from readers and shared additional information on the situation

Readers assured the uncle that he did nothing wrong and sent messages of support to him and his boyfriend

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heatherphilpot avatar
Hphizzle
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He did exactly the right thing. Confront them. Make it clear what they did was wrong. Asked for an apology. Communicated the consequences for not apologizing. Then follow through. It was handled beautifully by OP. It’s the unsupportive/homophobic adults that escalated it.

laurenstern avatar
Lauren S
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like great parenting, especially the way you phrase it. I hope (if they want) they get to grow their family. Add more people like OP and his partner to the world.

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itsjustme223 avatar
Shane S
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The core question seems to be about taking back the gifts. No one is ‘entitled’ to gifts. You can refuse to give a gift for any reason, at any point. They are late teens and therefore should be mature enough to take disappointment. They sound very spoiled. Good for you for not tolerating bigotry in your own house.

haoyun2001 avatar
María Hermida
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not "disappointment"; this is "consequences". As it seems obvious their parents have taught them nothing about tolerance, empathy, or simply admitting they were wrong, poor OP had to teach them. They are old enough to know. The biggest problem here, as usual, are the parents. I'm sorry for OP and his boyfriend. They seem to be good people.

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jppennington avatar
JayWantsACat
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is all learned behavior from the parents, who had an opportunity to use this as teaching moment for their kids. Something along the lines of "words and actions can have consequences" and said not getting a gift is the price for being a******s. But, nope. Instantly got mad about the kids no longer getting gifts whille still trying to take their own. F**k these people. They've shown who they really are and aren't worth your love nor your money going forward.

zoe_x_ avatar
Zoe Vokes
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn’t have blamed the parents for their kid’s behaviour (it could have been learnt from friends, the internet, etc) if they hadn’t been so dismissive about what happened and expected the presents still. The parents could have so easily said, “You upset somebody in their own home, when they’ve been kind enough to host and buy you presents. If you know that you’ve upset somebody, even accidentally, you should apologise.”

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cherylhayesbent avatar
Chez2202
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the hell type of parents do these people have? I am 49. In the 70’s and 80’s when I was a child my parents had openly gay friends who were a big part of our lives and it never occurred to me that they were any different to any of our other friends. Why are people still using a person’s sexuality as a stick to beat them with? Grow the f**k up!

carolineplotner_1 avatar
rorschach-penguin
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You understand that that wasn't common at all, right? The overwhelming sentiment towards LGBTQ+ people in the 70s and 80s was NOT positive or neutral; it was negative. Including in the first world—Europe, Canada/the US, Australia...

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c_o_shea avatar
C.O. Shea
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As long as "family" has something to gain from you, they'll pretend plenty. The minute my wife and I announced we were moving 100 miles away... I was suddenly pronounced too stupíd to own a house (nevermind I had owned two already). The reason... they were losing their dog sitter of eight... yup, eight German shepherds. Cut bait, OP. My life blossomed for it.

lisamai-wood avatar
Lee
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people have shown who they really are. Believe that and don't waste any more oxygen on them. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to have them in your life.

sukebind avatar
Flora Porter
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At a minimum, all those family members need to learn better manners - you can't expect to insult someone and still get presents from them. I'm not doing presents for most of my family this year as had enough of spending money and making sure they get the presents in time only for them to treat me like a poor relation.

laura_ketteridge avatar
arthbach
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"It was only a joke!" is often said to try to excuse homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism etc. In this instance It's not a joke it's homophobia, pure and simple.

stephanie_24 avatar
Stephanie
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just want to commend OP for being such an amazing protective boyfriend. It must have taken alot to kick them out and even confront in the first place. Many let things slide for the sake of "keeping the peace"; and as someone who never had anyone in her corner for exactly that reason, I think what OP did is 100% warranted and a very beautiful thing. Also: brava to the sister!

nigelsulley avatar
Nigel Sulley
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Go to someone's home, make offensive comments and jokes about the hosts, then get upset when host reacts like a normal human being.. not only would I take back the gifts.. i would have unwrapped them in front of them to show them what they lost out on.

michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first time they refused to apologize, they should have been put out the door and on the sidewalk. And you would have been doing them an enormous favor by demonstrating the seriousness of the matter.

ba1923a avatar
Bill Allen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People’s lack of critical thinking drives me crazy. And I like “over the top” jokes quite a bit. I was having a beer and private conversation with my sister-in-law the other day. I’m a 70 year old straight feller and she is 74. Talking about a couple of members of her extended family who are gay she says, “I’m for letting people live their lives as long as they don’t rub it in my face.” I responded like this. This is why I don’t like to discuss politics and sexuality with most of my family. It’s statements like that “don’t rub it in my face” that drive me crazy. I’ve heard these kinds of things all my life about “other people.” In the 1960’s it was common for me to hear people saying exactly those things when talking about Black people who were trying to just get the general society to treat them like human beings. And it’s the same now with gays and transgender folk. She nodded her head as if she understood and could see the logic. I hope it sticks.

xczechr avatar
xczechr
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I couldn't imagine being the kind of person that would go into someone's house as their guest, insult them, then refuse to apologise when called out on it, then complain when said host refused to give me a gift. What a bunch of entitled brats.

madmcqueen avatar
Mad McQueen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is no way that being called out for being rude in someone's home doesn't mean they aren't owed an apology. The parents should have stood by you an your bf over that and agreed to make them say they were sorry and totally not be given those gifts. Mean and spiteful and hurtful to a couple opening their new home to family is just not fine in any regards. At least you know who the greedy ones are and can adjust your price range the next holiday season if you agree to see them again. And they should write an apology too. And if you think you still owe them a gift go to the dollar store and find something to exchange the pricey gift to them for a give them that. Hey a gift is a gift. But malicious words need reprocussions.

ephemeraimaging avatar
Zoe Belen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think any apology would be fake and leave a bad taste in the mouth after this - and homophobic nonsense would be the cutoff for me at that point. I'd be going LC/NC at that point. They have shown you who they are, believe them. If they ever grow up and out of it, I would expect them to make the first move for reconciliation, and without any expectation of recompense in the form of gifts as well. They'd get nothing from me, lol, for the next fifty years!

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the_true_opifex avatar
Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hiding hatred and bigotry behind "jokes" doesn't magically make that bigotry and hate okay. Rather it's just another tactic for normalising homophobia (along with every other kind of bigotry). Those nasty little brats got what they deserved.

davidbrown_12 avatar
David Brown
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never thought it was anyone's business who someone falls in love with. If two people love each other that's enough for me. With that no one especially family has any right to make hurtful jokes. That's not something to let slide. They should have to own up and apologize without question. They could have had their gifts with one simple apology but kids being kids decided that wasn't the direction they wanted to go. The fact the family got sideways about it says allot about them as well. Keep standing your ground my dude. It's obviously them losing out not y'all.

j_nieuw avatar
Jayjay
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WOW, you did the right thing! Greedy little scratchers with no life of their own. Your partner sounds like a superdecent guy! Be proud that you valued him over the trolls! And, I would like you to know (even though it is so sad that your own family is so indecent): when the trolls are gone, genuine people can enter your lives! However, do not become distrusting OR too trusting of the new people entering. Life is a balance.

miss-hoodoo avatar
Petra Schaap
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the only thing i can make of this is that the family only cares for the presents and not for them.

net0 avatar
Margaret Weaver
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't just have taken the gifts away, I'd have donated them to a shelter or charity, preferably something supporting gender diversity. Reeeally grind that "I'm choosing humans OVER you three monsters" point home. Jokes are fine, but backpedalling when gifts are revoked is VILE. That just shows they knew they were being horrible, but lacked the spine to take their licks. Homophobia is one thing, but a homophobe playing ally for personal gain, is outright despicable.

travellingtrainer avatar
Hey!
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is always some kind of truth behind a joke. NTA. OP did the right thing. It's a privilege to receive gifts, not mandatory and not due.

shaunnmunn avatar
Shaunn Munn
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have more trouble with your so-called aunts/uncles. They are worse than their kids. Hope you have a great Christmas surrounded by people who really love you. Family doesn't need to be by blood only. ♥

kraneiathedancingdryad avatar
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

LMAO.. you went from the cool relative to the strict one... And good on you. If they're old enough to make those kind of comments they're old enough to buy their own lego sets etc. That the kid's parents didn't back you up speaks volumes too. Use caution when dealing with them from now on and don't hesitate to cut them out of your life if needed.

lunashau avatar
Ash
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's possible that the kids' laughing along with the 24-yr-old's jokes might have been just not knowing how to shut down a bad social situation. But their refusal to apologize afterward is more concerning. I know it's hard as a teenager to apologize, it's very uncomfortable, but if they really didn't mean it then they should have apologized. NTA.

eliyahu-rooff avatar
Eliyahu Rooff
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's clear that they were only there for the gifts and food; not for the company of their hosts. While they're free to say what they think, it has consequences that they don't like.

ronniebeaton avatar
Ronnie Beaton
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP should send his idiot family a video of him and BF burning the presents.

jppurves avatar
JP Purves
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't care how good some of the family members have been to OP in the past. The three who made the jokes are parroting what their parents/elders feel and say behind OP and his SO's backs. I would go low/no contact with all of them. They aren't worthy of carefully selected, expensive gifts.

shdw107 avatar
Shadow
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA and I agree with 'Outoftea and grumpy' it sucks but humans are not born racist, homophobic or haters. It is proven to be learned behavior. Even if the offenders did not initially hear such things at home, say they heard such comments at school, among friends, it is normal behavior to then go home and among friends and repeat. Then the words are either shut down immediately or given acceptance, kind of like you OP, sorry, but you even gave acceptance to the teen girls (they're kids) NO! That's a perfect, yet missed opportunity to step in and say, "Hey, we overheard you two, and you know, you might not have realized but those words are really hurtful and cruel." SOMEONE needs to step up and say, NO! That talk is not okay. Now if onstage, at a comic club out in the open, is one thing. But those girls knew. They weren't talking openly with everyone. I'm an advocate and you do have many, many people who embrace, support and advocate for you! Well done!

drkbabs avatar
Keley Babs
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hopefully it'll be a learning point for those young adults about frogging around and finding out.

dk_5 avatar
LapCat
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He gave them the opportunity to rectify what they did, and they chose not to and instead make excuses instead of taking accountability. And there was consequences for this lack of accountability. Simple as that.

negatoriswrecks avatar
Negatoris Wrecks
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People throw or excuse that quote forgetting in the movie the "too gay to function" comment made the kid incredibly hurt and upset.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm just glad to hear that there are people who are willing to hold teenagers accountable for their s****y behaviour. I'm currently suffering because the parents of a teenaged relative allow them to behave however they damn well please, because the poor thing is just a child, you *must* understand. No, Becky, I do not have to understand when your s****y brat gets their friends to call me at 1 a.m. to tell me to kill myself because I'm unemployed and struggling to find a job. I *really*. REALLY. Don't need to understand. I, too, was a teenager once, but somehow I managed to get through it without bullying people and wishing death on them.

ephemeraimaging avatar
Zoe Belen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't matter whether anyone is gay or not, speaking this way about people whose house you are visiting should get you kicked out, period. How hurtful to hear something like that about your SO or yourself. And then to still expect presents takes the biscuit! He handled it perfectly IMO. Any apology now would be fake and not worth accepting.

lilylavender avatar
Lily Lavender
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was absolutely right. As a bisexual woman, I would do that too. I don't allow hate, nor do I hate anyone, but that was self-defence.

lisa518us avatar
Alpacas_Are_Life
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, instead of apologizing for making "jokes" in very bad taste, they blame you for hearing them. You definitely did the right thing. There need to be consequences for bad behavior. As the saying goes "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen".

l_murphy avatar
L. Murphy
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gee, I thought the little Zoomer's cared about EVERYONES"S feelings and were so WOKE! F**k those little shits because they have no shame over what they did, they are just greedy and selfish.

mechanician avatar
Mechanician
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe this was a teaching moment missed. It could have turned into miserable, painful drama regardless, but a calmer discussion with the three offenders could have brought out the apology in a sincere way. I'm thinking a bit of Socrates, a dash of Solomon, and a few sincere remarks about what relationships with these young people mean to someone who has no good relationships left with his own family because of hom0phobia. Use the word, define it, and ask the kids, why do people abandon loved ones because of it? Maybe it's not too late to write a letter to the whole family, bringing these thoughts out I to the open. Here's what you,mean to us,Here's what we wanted to Showalter of you at Christmas. Why did this go so wrong? Were we trying too hard? Does this joke really seem funny to anyone?

caiusvanslooten avatar
a piece of toast
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We make very harsh joke in my family too, however if you explain you're feelings, everyone will understand and will comfort you

adrianvaldez avatar
Adrian Valdez
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Per the last comments, please no one use the police as your personal bouncer. I’m sure you can think of better ways to handle a non-hostile situation. Endangering police and others over something as small as this is just a ridiculous waste

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
4 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

So how did this work out for you? Did anyone become less homophonic as a result of this big fight? No, they did not, in fact they double downed. You never change any kid by punishing them or shouting at them. They should have left the conversation knowing how sad and disappointed in them you were and I bet at least one would have apologized sincerely by the end of the party.

kaylacapps avatar
whiterabbit
Community Member
4 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Nobody is the a**hole here. People can say and laugh at whatever jokes they want and you can refuse to give presents to whoever you want.

ephemeraimaging avatar
Zoe Belen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you'd be ok with someone coming to your house and insulting you and yours, and just let it roll off your back? I would like to see your real-life reaction to that. Or are you one of those people who says 'it was only a joke' for the pleasure of spiting someone?

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heatherphilpot avatar
Hphizzle
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He did exactly the right thing. Confront them. Make it clear what they did was wrong. Asked for an apology. Communicated the consequences for not apologizing. Then follow through. It was handled beautifully by OP. It’s the unsupportive/homophobic adults that escalated it.

laurenstern avatar
Lauren S
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like great parenting, especially the way you phrase it. I hope (if they want) they get to grow their family. Add more people like OP and his partner to the world.

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itsjustme223 avatar
Shane S
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The core question seems to be about taking back the gifts. No one is ‘entitled’ to gifts. You can refuse to give a gift for any reason, at any point. They are late teens and therefore should be mature enough to take disappointment. They sound very spoiled. Good for you for not tolerating bigotry in your own house.

haoyun2001 avatar
María Hermida
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not "disappointment"; this is "consequences". As it seems obvious their parents have taught them nothing about tolerance, empathy, or simply admitting they were wrong, poor OP had to teach them. They are old enough to know. The biggest problem here, as usual, are the parents. I'm sorry for OP and his boyfriend. They seem to be good people.

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jppennington avatar
JayWantsACat
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is all learned behavior from the parents, who had an opportunity to use this as teaching moment for their kids. Something along the lines of "words and actions can have consequences" and said not getting a gift is the price for being a******s. But, nope. Instantly got mad about the kids no longer getting gifts whille still trying to take their own. F**k these people. They've shown who they really are and aren't worth your love nor your money going forward.

zoe_x_ avatar
Zoe Vokes
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn’t have blamed the parents for their kid’s behaviour (it could have been learnt from friends, the internet, etc) if they hadn’t been so dismissive about what happened and expected the presents still. The parents could have so easily said, “You upset somebody in their own home, when they’ve been kind enough to host and buy you presents. If you know that you’ve upset somebody, even accidentally, you should apologise.”

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cherylhayesbent avatar
Chez2202
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the hell type of parents do these people have? I am 49. In the 70’s and 80’s when I was a child my parents had openly gay friends who were a big part of our lives and it never occurred to me that they were any different to any of our other friends. Why are people still using a person’s sexuality as a stick to beat them with? Grow the f**k up!

carolineplotner_1 avatar
rorschach-penguin
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You understand that that wasn't common at all, right? The overwhelming sentiment towards LGBTQ+ people in the 70s and 80s was NOT positive or neutral; it was negative. Including in the first world—Europe, Canada/the US, Australia...

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c_o_shea avatar
C.O. Shea
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As long as "family" has something to gain from you, they'll pretend plenty. The minute my wife and I announced we were moving 100 miles away... I was suddenly pronounced too stupíd to own a house (nevermind I had owned two already). The reason... they were losing their dog sitter of eight... yup, eight German shepherds. Cut bait, OP. My life blossomed for it.

lisamai-wood avatar
Lee
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people have shown who they really are. Believe that and don't waste any more oxygen on them. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to have them in your life.

sukebind avatar
Flora Porter
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At a minimum, all those family members need to learn better manners - you can't expect to insult someone and still get presents from them. I'm not doing presents for most of my family this year as had enough of spending money and making sure they get the presents in time only for them to treat me like a poor relation.

laura_ketteridge avatar
arthbach
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"It was only a joke!" is often said to try to excuse homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism etc. In this instance It's not a joke it's homophobia, pure and simple.

stephanie_24 avatar
Stephanie
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just want to commend OP for being such an amazing protective boyfriend. It must have taken alot to kick them out and even confront in the first place. Many let things slide for the sake of "keeping the peace"; and as someone who never had anyone in her corner for exactly that reason, I think what OP did is 100% warranted and a very beautiful thing. Also: brava to the sister!

nigelsulley avatar
Nigel Sulley
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Go to someone's home, make offensive comments and jokes about the hosts, then get upset when host reacts like a normal human being.. not only would I take back the gifts.. i would have unwrapped them in front of them to show them what they lost out on.

michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first time they refused to apologize, they should have been put out the door and on the sidewalk. And you would have been doing them an enormous favor by demonstrating the seriousness of the matter.

ba1923a avatar
Bill Allen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People’s lack of critical thinking drives me crazy. And I like “over the top” jokes quite a bit. I was having a beer and private conversation with my sister-in-law the other day. I’m a 70 year old straight feller and she is 74. Talking about a couple of members of her extended family who are gay she says, “I’m for letting people live their lives as long as they don’t rub it in my face.” I responded like this. This is why I don’t like to discuss politics and sexuality with most of my family. It’s statements like that “don’t rub it in my face” that drive me crazy. I’ve heard these kinds of things all my life about “other people.” In the 1960’s it was common for me to hear people saying exactly those things when talking about Black people who were trying to just get the general society to treat them like human beings. And it’s the same now with gays and transgender folk. She nodded her head as if she understood and could see the logic. I hope it sticks.

xczechr avatar
xczechr
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I couldn't imagine being the kind of person that would go into someone's house as their guest, insult them, then refuse to apologise when called out on it, then complain when said host refused to give me a gift. What a bunch of entitled brats.

madmcqueen avatar
Mad McQueen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is no way that being called out for being rude in someone's home doesn't mean they aren't owed an apology. The parents should have stood by you an your bf over that and agreed to make them say they were sorry and totally not be given those gifts. Mean and spiteful and hurtful to a couple opening their new home to family is just not fine in any regards. At least you know who the greedy ones are and can adjust your price range the next holiday season if you agree to see them again. And they should write an apology too. And if you think you still owe them a gift go to the dollar store and find something to exchange the pricey gift to them for a give them that. Hey a gift is a gift. But malicious words need reprocussions.

ephemeraimaging avatar
Zoe Belen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think any apology would be fake and leave a bad taste in the mouth after this - and homophobic nonsense would be the cutoff for me at that point. I'd be going LC/NC at that point. They have shown you who they are, believe them. If they ever grow up and out of it, I would expect them to make the first move for reconciliation, and without any expectation of recompense in the form of gifts as well. They'd get nothing from me, lol, for the next fifty years!

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the_true_opifex avatar
Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hiding hatred and bigotry behind "jokes" doesn't magically make that bigotry and hate okay. Rather it's just another tactic for normalising homophobia (along with every other kind of bigotry). Those nasty little brats got what they deserved.

davidbrown_12 avatar
David Brown
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never thought it was anyone's business who someone falls in love with. If two people love each other that's enough for me. With that no one especially family has any right to make hurtful jokes. That's not something to let slide. They should have to own up and apologize without question. They could have had their gifts with one simple apology but kids being kids decided that wasn't the direction they wanted to go. The fact the family got sideways about it says allot about them as well. Keep standing your ground my dude. It's obviously them losing out not y'all.

j_nieuw avatar
Jayjay
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WOW, you did the right thing! Greedy little scratchers with no life of their own. Your partner sounds like a superdecent guy! Be proud that you valued him over the trolls! And, I would like you to know (even though it is so sad that your own family is so indecent): when the trolls are gone, genuine people can enter your lives! However, do not become distrusting OR too trusting of the new people entering. Life is a balance.

miss-hoodoo avatar
Petra Schaap
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the only thing i can make of this is that the family only cares for the presents and not for them.

net0 avatar
Margaret Weaver
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't just have taken the gifts away, I'd have donated them to a shelter or charity, preferably something supporting gender diversity. Reeeally grind that "I'm choosing humans OVER you three monsters" point home. Jokes are fine, but backpedalling when gifts are revoked is VILE. That just shows they knew they were being horrible, but lacked the spine to take their licks. Homophobia is one thing, but a homophobe playing ally for personal gain, is outright despicable.

travellingtrainer avatar
Hey!
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is always some kind of truth behind a joke. NTA. OP did the right thing. It's a privilege to receive gifts, not mandatory and not due.

shaunnmunn avatar
Shaunn Munn
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have more trouble with your so-called aunts/uncles. They are worse than their kids. Hope you have a great Christmas surrounded by people who really love you. Family doesn't need to be by blood only. ♥

kraneiathedancingdryad avatar
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

LMAO.. you went from the cool relative to the strict one... And good on you. If they're old enough to make those kind of comments they're old enough to buy their own lego sets etc. That the kid's parents didn't back you up speaks volumes too. Use caution when dealing with them from now on and don't hesitate to cut them out of your life if needed.

lunashau avatar
Ash
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's possible that the kids' laughing along with the 24-yr-old's jokes might have been just not knowing how to shut down a bad social situation. But their refusal to apologize afterward is more concerning. I know it's hard as a teenager to apologize, it's very uncomfortable, but if they really didn't mean it then they should have apologized. NTA.

eliyahu-rooff avatar
Eliyahu Rooff
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's clear that they were only there for the gifts and food; not for the company of their hosts. While they're free to say what they think, it has consequences that they don't like.

ronniebeaton avatar
Ronnie Beaton
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP should send his idiot family a video of him and BF burning the presents.

jppurves avatar
JP Purves
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't care how good some of the family members have been to OP in the past. The three who made the jokes are parroting what their parents/elders feel and say behind OP and his SO's backs. I would go low/no contact with all of them. They aren't worthy of carefully selected, expensive gifts.

shdw107 avatar
Shadow
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA and I agree with 'Outoftea and grumpy' it sucks but humans are not born racist, homophobic or haters. It is proven to be learned behavior. Even if the offenders did not initially hear such things at home, say they heard such comments at school, among friends, it is normal behavior to then go home and among friends and repeat. Then the words are either shut down immediately or given acceptance, kind of like you OP, sorry, but you even gave acceptance to the teen girls (they're kids) NO! That's a perfect, yet missed opportunity to step in and say, "Hey, we overheard you two, and you know, you might not have realized but those words are really hurtful and cruel." SOMEONE needs to step up and say, NO! That talk is not okay. Now if onstage, at a comic club out in the open, is one thing. But those girls knew. They weren't talking openly with everyone. I'm an advocate and you do have many, many people who embrace, support and advocate for you! Well done!

drkbabs avatar
Keley Babs
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hopefully it'll be a learning point for those young adults about frogging around and finding out.

dk_5 avatar
LapCat
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He gave them the opportunity to rectify what they did, and they chose not to and instead make excuses instead of taking accountability. And there was consequences for this lack of accountability. Simple as that.

negatoriswrecks avatar
Negatoris Wrecks
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People throw or excuse that quote forgetting in the movie the "too gay to function" comment made the kid incredibly hurt and upset.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm just glad to hear that there are people who are willing to hold teenagers accountable for their s****y behaviour. I'm currently suffering because the parents of a teenaged relative allow them to behave however they damn well please, because the poor thing is just a child, you *must* understand. No, Becky, I do not have to understand when your s****y brat gets their friends to call me at 1 a.m. to tell me to kill myself because I'm unemployed and struggling to find a job. I *really*. REALLY. Don't need to understand. I, too, was a teenager once, but somehow I managed to get through it without bullying people and wishing death on them.

ephemeraimaging avatar
Zoe Belen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't matter whether anyone is gay or not, speaking this way about people whose house you are visiting should get you kicked out, period. How hurtful to hear something like that about your SO or yourself. And then to still expect presents takes the biscuit! He handled it perfectly IMO. Any apology now would be fake and not worth accepting.

lilylavender avatar
Lily Lavender
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was absolutely right. As a bisexual woman, I would do that too. I don't allow hate, nor do I hate anyone, but that was self-defence.

lisa518us avatar
Alpacas_Are_Life
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, instead of apologizing for making "jokes" in very bad taste, they blame you for hearing them. You definitely did the right thing. There need to be consequences for bad behavior. As the saying goes "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen".

l_murphy avatar
L. Murphy
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gee, I thought the little Zoomer's cared about EVERYONES"S feelings and were so WOKE! F**k those little shits because they have no shame over what they did, they are just greedy and selfish.

mechanician avatar
Mechanician
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe this was a teaching moment missed. It could have turned into miserable, painful drama regardless, but a calmer discussion with the three offenders could have brought out the apology in a sincere way. I'm thinking a bit of Socrates, a dash of Solomon, and a few sincere remarks about what relationships with these young people mean to someone who has no good relationships left with his own family because of hom0phobia. Use the word, define it, and ask the kids, why do people abandon loved ones because of it? Maybe it's not too late to write a letter to the whole family, bringing these thoughts out I to the open. Here's what you,mean to us,Here's what we wanted to Showalter of you at Christmas. Why did this go so wrong? Were we trying too hard? Does this joke really seem funny to anyone?

caiusvanslooten avatar
a piece of toast
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We make very harsh joke in my family too, however if you explain you're feelings, everyone will understand and will comfort you

adrianvaldez avatar
Adrian Valdez
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Per the last comments, please no one use the police as your personal bouncer. I’m sure you can think of better ways to handle a non-hostile situation. Endangering police and others over something as small as this is just a ridiculous waste

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
4 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

So how did this work out for you? Did anyone become less homophonic as a result of this big fight? No, they did not, in fact they double downed. You never change any kid by punishing them or shouting at them. They should have left the conversation knowing how sad and disappointed in them you were and I bet at least one would have apologized sincerely by the end of the party.

kaylacapps avatar
whiterabbit
Community Member
4 months ago

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Nobody is the a**hole here. People can say and laugh at whatever jokes they want and you can refuse to give presents to whoever you want.

ephemeraimaging avatar
Zoe Belen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you'd be ok with someone coming to your house and insulting you and yours, and just let it roll off your back? I would like to see your real-life reaction to that. Or are you one of those people who says 'it was only a joke' for the pleasure of spiting someone?

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