This Student Asks People Online If She Ruined Her Classmate’s Career By Reporting Him For His Aggressive Behavior
Having a bright and successful future for a lot of people means working and studying hard from a very early age. For this reason, a lot of young students try to get the best grades possible and to snatch a place at highly prestigious internships that might lead to getting a job there. What we tend to forget sometimes is that studying and working hard are not the only things that are taken into consideration when someone wants to hire you. A good worker also has to have morals and principles that they follow. However, not everyone thinks so and this story that was shared on Reddit perfectly illustrates that. Reddit user @Anonymous33- decided to share the situation that she was involved in and to ask for people’s advice.
More Info: Reddit
Being a student comes with its own challenges that at the end of the day make them more prepared for life
Image credits: m00by
The woman who is a 20-year-old student shared that a lot of students in her country try to find an internship during their college years because it increases their chances of getting a better job in the future. The author of the story also shared that she’s been talking with a guy she called R, adding that they are also in the same study program.
A college student decided to share a story of a time she refused to go on a date with a guy who was her classmate
Image credits: Anonymous33-
The Redditor continued her story by saying that R started flirting with her and even asked her out. The woman politely declined the invitation and even apologized if she’d made an impression that she was interested in him. After this, R was gone, but not for long. After a couple of days, he was back and asked her out again, to which she gave the same answer. The guy justified his absence by saying that he gave her some time to rethink her answer. This got the woman mad and so she asked him to leave her alone.
Image credits: Anonymous33-
After her refusal, the guy started harassing her, to which she reacted by confronting him on social media
Image credits: Anonymous33-
This conversation got to a point where R got mad and called the student “all the names under the moon” after which she blocked him and his friends who were on his side and were starting to pick on her too. This made the narrator go on social media and tell her followers about the situation and also add screenshots of their conversations. One of the people who saw her stories was a placement mentor at her college. This person found this behavior of R to be appalling, so he told the head of the department about this situation
Soon responsible people at her college found out about this and suspended the guy
Image credits: Anonymous33-
One of the professors at this college decided that she should forgive him so he could have his internship back
Image credits: Anonymous33-
Soon after, the woman was called to his office to prove that this all really happened and provide them with proof. As it turned out, this behavior is not tolerated in their college and could lead to suspension. R got suspended for 3 months and lost his internship at a prestigious government company. After hearing this, a professor, who was indicated as professor P and who liked R very much, called the woman to his office and pushed her to take back what was said about student R. What followed later was a meeting with the head of the department, professor P, R, and his parents as well as the narrator of the story. When she was asked if she was willing to forgive him, she refused, so his punishment continued. This made his parents and the professor get mad at the young woman who they saw as ruining his career and accused her of doing all of this because she sees him as his competitor.
Image credits: Anonymous33-
The woman declined to let him get away with this, making a lot of people at her college say that she took this too far
Image credits: Anonymous33-
The woman revealed that now that their internship has started, she doesn’t feel good about all of this and is doubting her choices because she feels pressure from other people. A lot of her groupmates tell her that she took it too far and now ruined this guy’s future. People online disagreed with this, saying that it was his own fault and that people like him shouldn’t be given such internship opportunities in the first place. This story opened a discussion about how women are treated and what horrible situations they have to go through every day.
What is your take on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
Despite the student doubting her choices, a lot of users online supported her and said that what she did was totally right
The woman elaborated a little bit more on the situation in the comments section
266Kviews
Share on FacebookAnd here is everything that is wrong with the system. Man behaves abusively towards a woman because she turned him down. Man gets called out for it and punished for his actions. Everyone turns on the woman for "ruining his career." Victim blaming at its worst.
Because even though we live in the 21st century, a man's career is still valued more than a woman's safety.
Load More Replies...People can change their shitty attitudes, but rarely are they ever motivated to learn and change them if they never face any real consequences. Also...for christ's sake people (tbf, mostly guys it seems) why the hell do so many get butthurt and nasty just because someone doesn't want to go out with them? It's one of those traits that I think indicates much nastier traits are just under the surface waiting to come out when someone freaks the f**k out just because they're told 'no'.
Professor P is just such an asshole, she rightfully reported R for harassing her, and then there's just this shithead who is too sexist for his own good and is now blaming her when she did absolutely nothing wrong! She should report Professor P. She has every right, and he would deserve it.
It takes so much courage to report someone for harassment. This young woman should feel proud of herself. Because the more people report, the easier it will become for others. She should not back down. Wrong doers need to be punished. This not only changes their future behavior, it also teaches others that this behavior is unacceptable. If her friends don't support her, then she needs new friends. This woman is a hero.
Remember the Stanford rape case of Brock Turner? A former Stanford swimmer who sexually assaulted an unconscious woman was sentenced to six months in jail because a longer sentence would have "a severe impact on him," according to a judge.The woman, now 23, told BuzzFeed News she was disappointed with the “gentle” sentence and angry that Turner still denied sexually assaulting her. “Even if the sentence is light, hopefully this will wake people up," she said. "I want the judge to know that he ignited a tiny fire. If anything, this is a reason for all of us to speak even louder.” (2016)
And this was with 2 male witnesses who literally caught him in the act and had to pull him off of her unconscious form. Not even a "he said, she said" situation.
Load More Replies...Wtf is wrong with people. ONLY forgive him if he actually apologizes, not because it could "ruin his career". The guy made no actual effort to apologize, didn't buy her a new car, and was an immature piece of crap in the first place. IF he thinks she led him on, then said no, just move on. There is never an excuse for getting that many friends to harass her.
I am curious..... how does a new car belong into this story?
Load More Replies...You be a jerk, you get treated like a jerk (meaning the guy). In all fairness, all she did was post his s**t online and the rest was more or less out of her control. That's what you get for being a prick, my dude. Hope he learned a lesson on how to be a decent human being instead of an entitled man-child that feels he deserves women.
Let me guess - India. The student who lost his internship definitely reaped what he sowed. OP gave him plenty of chances to drop it. He did not. Play stupid games; win stupid prizes. And Professor P can f**k right off with that gaslighting bullshit. He needs to be exposed for the misogynist asshole that he is. Hope he loses tenure and is fired for his reprehensible behavior.
More likely the United States. In India, university is called "University" not "college", and internships are the norm in the USA and rarely so anywhere else. [I clicked through to reddit and read the OP's post]. Part of the problem with these things is haughty westerners thinking this only happens in "other" countries. This sort of stuff is rampant in the USA, the UK, Australia. Ask any women in academia. They know.
Load More Replies...Never say something in secret that you would not want to be held accountable for in public! Why is calling somebody names via text somehow not as bad as doing it face to face? If there really is a difference then it is even more cowardly. He behaved like an ill-mannered, frustrated toddler and insulted somebody. Surprise - actions have consequences, welcome to the adult world! Better for him to learn that now than later when it will cost him not only an internship but maybe a real job. That professor backing him up is just as bad as the guy himself. I wonder if 90% of the students really love him or if there wouldn't be some who could tell a story or two about the prof as well... And I would not be too worried about ruining that guy's career either - it unfortunately seems that some people still find men suitable for being president who want to "grab 'em by the pūssy"...
No, good on OP. Maybe he'll learn now, rather than getting to a high-level position and being the office rapist.
She did absolutely nothing wrong. This guy and those who call him the victim are the problem. I only hope that he or his family don't retaliate with violence, which is always a possibility depending on what country this happened in. I hope she stays safe and has a fantastic career. As for him, he can rot in Hell along with those who think like him.
I think the reaction of the university was overblown, but that's hardly OP's fault. She did what she had to to protect herself from a creepy stalkerish guy.
Nope and I'm an old geezer. Even a relic like me, growing up in a largely patriarchal society, think the OP did the right thing. The kid is like 20 and he acted like a 5 year old brat throwing a tantrum. We don't need more self centered entitled asswipes. He has to learn.
He is a sociopat of some kind. You/OP are the first to say it out loud. Nobody should accept any persons harresment behavior. And boys/men ARE responsible for their actions... ALL OF THEM
We live in a world where feminine people are shamed for saying yes too much and shamed for saying no
Nta, you were harassed by a man so selfish and unrespectful that thought he was giving you a second chance and made his friends harass you. He got what he was looking for.
Not cracking down on a$$holes like this is what leads to the all-too-common toxic work environments for women at the corporate level.
So important she talked about it and he had to face consequences. That guy will be the same one that continues it throughout his career. Hopefully now with real consequences he has learnt his lesson. This is why women don't enter certain professions because of this crap.
Old-school rules for asking for marriage actually work really well for modern dating policy: after you've met publicly and get along well, you ask ONCE, if she says no she can explain why but has no obligation to, after enough time (6-12 mo) has passed and/or circumstances have changed (moving, death, other big life-changing event that may lead to reconsidering option) you are allowed to ask ONCE MORE, and then, if she still says no, you never bring it up again. You certainly do not get to trash-talk her or insult her for her choice: you understand you either misjudged her interest or aren't what she's looking for, and either way that reflects more poorly on you than her.
That's exactly why women are afraid to report abuse and to seek help. Some textbook victim shaming is happening here and professors are involved. This guy was at fault, the girl only stood for herself.
Please let this be a reminder, and tell your children, siblings and friends of every gender to save any texts, messages or emails that can be threatening, libelous or harrassing. Otherwise it's their word against another's.
This sounds like she is in either India or some middle eastern country that is male-dominated and still thinks women can be treated as property. She did exactly what she should have. No man is entitled to "have" any woman he desires.
I see the problem in a University that gives a harassment victim the choice between saying "everything is OK, i overreacted" and having the agressor's carreer seriously damaged or destroyed. Maybe there would be a somewhat more appropriate punishment. It's this stupid all or nothing thinking that destroyed this young man's carreer. The victim never asked for him to be suspended, she just wanted him to face concequences for his actions.
NTA. Anyone that acts as he did, regardless of gender needs to be shown that actions have consequences. I don't know who needs to hear this but your interest or feelings of attraction for another person do not require acknowledgment or reciprocation (unless you are in an actual relationship). No means NO! It does not mean maybe or try again later. You do not get to read anything into it. No is a rejection or your overtures and YOU NEED TO ACCEPT IT because it is not up for debate. You don't get to ask why either. You don't get to ask anything as you are not entitled to an explanation.
NTA. He's an abusive a-hole, and from his mother's reaction - she raised him that way (yes I'm going to continually blame mothers lording their sons as Gods and creating this mentality in them). Do not back down. He will continue to do this to other women. Ignore all the people telling you that you were too harsh and should apologize. Would they feel the same if he kept harassing you until he raped you? No. He is being protected because that's what men do for other men in this twisted world. Raise hell, take it to the dean of the college, let the dean know that their professors are pressurizing victims into apologizing for being harassed to protect the abuser. Go see a lawyer too. They want to label you a b**ch, then go ahead and be one. Don't let this asshat get away with this.
RECORD EVERYTHING. (If the law allows it where you live), keep a hidden voice recorder, not your phone, to protect you during interactactions; your prof has threatened you and enabled abuse. This seems likely to escalate. This whole situation is disgusting and pathetically common.
The guy was an asshole. She did the right thing -- hell, she was entitled to kick his ass much sooner.
And if she reports these other bullies for also harassing her, she gets a "reputation", sigh....
I read stuff like this and I get really sick of hearing how improved things are for women's rights. And good people perpetuate the myth that traditionally (re: naturally), women were subservient and not treated equally. It's come up three times today on BP. But in reality, how women are treated just gets worse and worse on average. Traditionally (re: naturally), societies are egalitarian.
It's better to stop his career now, then when he will be CEO and in the in the center of harassment scandal. Maybe he will learn something, what his parents obviously didn't tech him about.
So keep a log of anything you hear him say, and report him after graduation
Personally I would have used that as his warning. I'm not saying you did wrong but for me I would have moved on knowing he will f**k up again and the first second he messes up a second time it's over. I hate that he was like I gave you two days to think why you still saying no. Like wtf is that s**t he's psycho and can't accept you don't love him. You blocked him at every turn and he gets others involved. You defended yourself tbh and if his mates want to keep bullying you then let's see where they end up
Why exactly does someone get a pass? Do you also think someone shouldn't go to jail until they rape someone a second time? Why are you asking someone to just ignore abusive behavior? Wtf is wrong with you?
Load More Replies...Why? She didn't even report him. Someone saw the posts and took action. She then just told the truth when asked. I bet you are the type of person who says a woman was "asking for it" if she wears sexy clothing.
Load More Replies...Soooo, if the stalker dude continues to harass women it is somehow now the OP's fault, because men apparently can't be responsible for their own actions or what? That's super sexist all-around. Maybe the OP should have at least slept with this crazy AH for the greater good of women or so, too? Seriously, I don't want to believe you are a woman.
Load More Replies...And here is everything that is wrong with the system. Man behaves abusively towards a woman because she turned him down. Man gets called out for it and punished for his actions. Everyone turns on the woman for "ruining his career." Victim blaming at its worst.
Because even though we live in the 21st century, a man's career is still valued more than a woman's safety.
Load More Replies...People can change their shitty attitudes, but rarely are they ever motivated to learn and change them if they never face any real consequences. Also...for christ's sake people (tbf, mostly guys it seems) why the hell do so many get butthurt and nasty just because someone doesn't want to go out with them? It's one of those traits that I think indicates much nastier traits are just under the surface waiting to come out when someone freaks the f**k out just because they're told 'no'.
Professor P is just such an asshole, she rightfully reported R for harassing her, and then there's just this shithead who is too sexist for his own good and is now blaming her when she did absolutely nothing wrong! She should report Professor P. She has every right, and he would deserve it.
It takes so much courage to report someone for harassment. This young woman should feel proud of herself. Because the more people report, the easier it will become for others. She should not back down. Wrong doers need to be punished. This not only changes their future behavior, it also teaches others that this behavior is unacceptable. If her friends don't support her, then she needs new friends. This woman is a hero.
Remember the Stanford rape case of Brock Turner? A former Stanford swimmer who sexually assaulted an unconscious woman was sentenced to six months in jail because a longer sentence would have "a severe impact on him," according to a judge.The woman, now 23, told BuzzFeed News she was disappointed with the “gentle” sentence and angry that Turner still denied sexually assaulting her. “Even if the sentence is light, hopefully this will wake people up," she said. "I want the judge to know that he ignited a tiny fire. If anything, this is a reason for all of us to speak even louder.” (2016)
And this was with 2 male witnesses who literally caught him in the act and had to pull him off of her unconscious form. Not even a "he said, she said" situation.
Load More Replies...Wtf is wrong with people. ONLY forgive him if he actually apologizes, not because it could "ruin his career". The guy made no actual effort to apologize, didn't buy her a new car, and was an immature piece of crap in the first place. IF he thinks she led him on, then said no, just move on. There is never an excuse for getting that many friends to harass her.
I am curious..... how does a new car belong into this story?
Load More Replies...You be a jerk, you get treated like a jerk (meaning the guy). In all fairness, all she did was post his s**t online and the rest was more or less out of her control. That's what you get for being a prick, my dude. Hope he learned a lesson on how to be a decent human being instead of an entitled man-child that feels he deserves women.
Let me guess - India. The student who lost his internship definitely reaped what he sowed. OP gave him plenty of chances to drop it. He did not. Play stupid games; win stupid prizes. And Professor P can f**k right off with that gaslighting bullshit. He needs to be exposed for the misogynist asshole that he is. Hope he loses tenure and is fired for his reprehensible behavior.
More likely the United States. In India, university is called "University" not "college", and internships are the norm in the USA and rarely so anywhere else. [I clicked through to reddit and read the OP's post]. Part of the problem with these things is haughty westerners thinking this only happens in "other" countries. This sort of stuff is rampant in the USA, the UK, Australia. Ask any women in academia. They know.
Load More Replies...Never say something in secret that you would not want to be held accountable for in public! Why is calling somebody names via text somehow not as bad as doing it face to face? If there really is a difference then it is even more cowardly. He behaved like an ill-mannered, frustrated toddler and insulted somebody. Surprise - actions have consequences, welcome to the adult world! Better for him to learn that now than later when it will cost him not only an internship but maybe a real job. That professor backing him up is just as bad as the guy himself. I wonder if 90% of the students really love him or if there wouldn't be some who could tell a story or two about the prof as well... And I would not be too worried about ruining that guy's career either - it unfortunately seems that some people still find men suitable for being president who want to "grab 'em by the pūssy"...
No, good on OP. Maybe he'll learn now, rather than getting to a high-level position and being the office rapist.
She did absolutely nothing wrong. This guy and those who call him the victim are the problem. I only hope that he or his family don't retaliate with violence, which is always a possibility depending on what country this happened in. I hope she stays safe and has a fantastic career. As for him, he can rot in Hell along with those who think like him.
I think the reaction of the university was overblown, but that's hardly OP's fault. She did what she had to to protect herself from a creepy stalkerish guy.
Nope and I'm an old geezer. Even a relic like me, growing up in a largely patriarchal society, think the OP did the right thing. The kid is like 20 and he acted like a 5 year old brat throwing a tantrum. We don't need more self centered entitled asswipes. He has to learn.
He is a sociopat of some kind. You/OP are the first to say it out loud. Nobody should accept any persons harresment behavior. And boys/men ARE responsible for their actions... ALL OF THEM
We live in a world where feminine people are shamed for saying yes too much and shamed for saying no
Nta, you were harassed by a man so selfish and unrespectful that thought he was giving you a second chance and made his friends harass you. He got what he was looking for.
Not cracking down on a$$holes like this is what leads to the all-too-common toxic work environments for women at the corporate level.
So important she talked about it and he had to face consequences. That guy will be the same one that continues it throughout his career. Hopefully now with real consequences he has learnt his lesson. This is why women don't enter certain professions because of this crap.
Old-school rules for asking for marriage actually work really well for modern dating policy: after you've met publicly and get along well, you ask ONCE, if she says no she can explain why but has no obligation to, after enough time (6-12 mo) has passed and/or circumstances have changed (moving, death, other big life-changing event that may lead to reconsidering option) you are allowed to ask ONCE MORE, and then, if she still says no, you never bring it up again. You certainly do not get to trash-talk her or insult her for her choice: you understand you either misjudged her interest or aren't what she's looking for, and either way that reflects more poorly on you than her.
That's exactly why women are afraid to report abuse and to seek help. Some textbook victim shaming is happening here and professors are involved. This guy was at fault, the girl only stood for herself.
Please let this be a reminder, and tell your children, siblings and friends of every gender to save any texts, messages or emails that can be threatening, libelous or harrassing. Otherwise it's their word against another's.
This sounds like she is in either India or some middle eastern country that is male-dominated and still thinks women can be treated as property. She did exactly what she should have. No man is entitled to "have" any woman he desires.
I see the problem in a University that gives a harassment victim the choice between saying "everything is OK, i overreacted" and having the agressor's carreer seriously damaged or destroyed. Maybe there would be a somewhat more appropriate punishment. It's this stupid all or nothing thinking that destroyed this young man's carreer. The victim never asked for him to be suspended, she just wanted him to face concequences for his actions.
NTA. Anyone that acts as he did, regardless of gender needs to be shown that actions have consequences. I don't know who needs to hear this but your interest or feelings of attraction for another person do not require acknowledgment or reciprocation (unless you are in an actual relationship). No means NO! It does not mean maybe or try again later. You do not get to read anything into it. No is a rejection or your overtures and YOU NEED TO ACCEPT IT because it is not up for debate. You don't get to ask why either. You don't get to ask anything as you are not entitled to an explanation.
NTA. He's an abusive a-hole, and from his mother's reaction - she raised him that way (yes I'm going to continually blame mothers lording their sons as Gods and creating this mentality in them). Do not back down. He will continue to do this to other women. Ignore all the people telling you that you were too harsh and should apologize. Would they feel the same if he kept harassing you until he raped you? No. He is being protected because that's what men do for other men in this twisted world. Raise hell, take it to the dean of the college, let the dean know that their professors are pressurizing victims into apologizing for being harassed to protect the abuser. Go see a lawyer too. They want to label you a b**ch, then go ahead and be one. Don't let this asshat get away with this.
RECORD EVERYTHING. (If the law allows it where you live), keep a hidden voice recorder, not your phone, to protect you during interactactions; your prof has threatened you and enabled abuse. This seems likely to escalate. This whole situation is disgusting and pathetically common.
The guy was an asshole. She did the right thing -- hell, she was entitled to kick his ass much sooner.
And if she reports these other bullies for also harassing her, she gets a "reputation", sigh....
I read stuff like this and I get really sick of hearing how improved things are for women's rights. And good people perpetuate the myth that traditionally (re: naturally), women were subservient and not treated equally. It's come up three times today on BP. But in reality, how women are treated just gets worse and worse on average. Traditionally (re: naturally), societies are egalitarian.
It's better to stop his career now, then when he will be CEO and in the in the center of harassment scandal. Maybe he will learn something, what his parents obviously didn't tech him about.
So keep a log of anything you hear him say, and report him after graduation
Personally I would have used that as his warning. I'm not saying you did wrong but for me I would have moved on knowing he will f**k up again and the first second he messes up a second time it's over. I hate that he was like I gave you two days to think why you still saying no. Like wtf is that s**t he's psycho and can't accept you don't love him. You blocked him at every turn and he gets others involved. You defended yourself tbh and if his mates want to keep bullying you then let's see where they end up
Why exactly does someone get a pass? Do you also think someone shouldn't go to jail until they rape someone a second time? Why are you asking someone to just ignore abusive behavior? Wtf is wrong with you?
Load More Replies...Why? She didn't even report him. Someone saw the posts and took action. She then just told the truth when asked. I bet you are the type of person who says a woman was "asking for it" if she wears sexy clothing.
Load More Replies...Soooo, if the stalker dude continues to harass women it is somehow now the OP's fault, because men apparently can't be responsible for their own actions or what? That's super sexist all-around. Maybe the OP should have at least slept with this crazy AH for the greater good of women or so, too? Seriously, I don't want to believe you are a woman.
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