Stepmom Tells Teen Not To Invite His Mom To His Graduation, He Tells Stepmom Not To Come Instead
Interview With Expert
Stepparents are always portrayed as evil villains in books, television, and movies. They’re shown as people who go out of their way to treat their stepchildren badly. In real life, that isn’t always the case, because there are loving and kind stepparents, too, who care for their families.
But, as with anything in this world, there is a small percentage of people who fit the bad stereotypes. One such story was shared by a teen on Reddit whose stepmother had such a bad relationship with his bio mom that it started causing problems.
More info: Reddit
Demanding stepmother doesn’t want teen’s biological mother to attend his graduation, boy takes a stand
Image credits: Anastasiya Lobanovskaya (not the actual photo)
Teen shared that his dad had an affair with his mom’s work rival and eventually got married to her
Image credits: Gabriel Tovar (not the actual photo)
During their marriage, the stepmom experienced 3 miscarriages, one of which led to infertility, which is why she wanted to spend even more time with her stepson
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 (not the actual photo)
This led to a feud between the teen’s biological mother and the stepmother, they would avoid each other and make sure never to be in the same room together
Image credits: u/NoiseHot3537
When the poster was graduating from high school, his stepmom told him not to invite his mother, he took a stand for his mom and instead told his stepmom “just don’t come”
The Original Poster (OP) is an 18-year-old boy who was forced to choose sides when his stepmother told him his mother shouldn’t attend his graduation. Many times before that incident, his dad and stepmom would say negative things about his biological mom in an effort to make him hate her. But the teen tried his best to stay neutral until his stepmother tried to cause drama.
Research has found that 102 million adults have a steprelationship which is either as a stepparent, a step or half sibling, or a stepchild. Around 13% of adults are stepparents. Being a stepparent isn’t an easy job, and it can be easy to get swept up in the emotions of different situations. This can cause tensions in the relationship and the connection that people have with their stepchildren.
A study by Emmanuel Botwe of the City University of New York (CUNY) found that children from stepfamily households are likelier to be depressed and anxious and face difficulty making and keeping friends compared to children who live with two biological or adoptive parents. But an interesting thing to note in his research is that children from wealthy households with stepparents were less likely to experience negative child health outcomes.
There are many ways that stepparents can create a healthy and loving atmosphere for the children in the house. To understand how to do this, we reached out to Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, PsyD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, and author of Mommy Burnout. We asked her how a stepparent could integrate themselves into a child’s life without overstepping boundaries. She stated: “There is no one single right way to define the role of a stepparent. It should, however, be a part of ongoing talks between the parents before blending homes and families.”
Research on stepparenting has also found that all parents need to put as much effort and time into their relationship with the child as they possibly can. They need to equally prioritize their relationship with the kid and the connection they have with their partners.
Dr. Sheryl also mentioned, “I have worked with families who don’t discipline each other’s kids almost at all. Some go into it wanting to be like a trusted adult or friend, and some go into it taking on the role as a primary parent. The circumstances of the marriage, ages of the kids, involvement of the other parent, and the relationships between family members should really guide the stepparent.”
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Along with creating a happy and positive environment for the child to flourish, the biological parents and their new partners should work on their connections with each other. Trouble and turmoil between parents and stepparents can ultimately affect the child’s sense of self and their emotions.
According to the Raising Children Network, “the child’s other parent might need time to adjust to your role in their child’s life. It can be easier if you don’t have much involvement with this person, at least at first. If the child’s other parent is happy to discuss things with you, and you and your partner feel OK with that, that’s fine too. Over time you might get to know and like the child’s other parent and feel comfortable enough to share events like children’s birthdays or graduation celebrations.”
When we asked Dr. Sheryl how a stepparent can have a healthy relationship with the child’s biological parent, she said: “It depends on the circumstances under which the previous marriage or relationship ended, it depends on whether that parent is accepting and supportive of the new marriage, and the child’s feeling about the new stepparent will also often strongly dictate how the other parent feels. Given all of those challenges, this is a very worthwhile relationship to establish and maintain.”
“What I have observed is that the less the other parent feels threatened, the more respected they feel, and the more considerate the new stepparent is of everyone’s roles, the more likely it is to go well. Communication is key to making this happen. And it’s one of the best and healthiest things you can do for the children,” she also added.
Stepparenting is no easy task, but that doesn’t mean they should take out their frustration on the kids or the other people involved. The poster’s stepmom crossed boundaries by telling him to uninvite his mother. People were outraged for the OP and the post received 12k upvotes and 1.5k comments. Do you think the teen was justified in what he said to his stepmom? Share your thoughts below.
People could not believe the audacity of the stepmom, and many also stated that the father should have set proper boundaries instead of staying silent
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
Can't imagine what would have happened to this kid if Dad and Stepmom actually had a kid, bet he would have been tossed aside.
Redditor Bonnm42 is 100% correct! If she did have another kid, step son would would have been pushed out of the father's life so quickly! Also, why is the father's family giving him so much information at a young age?? And I hope the father's family is at least showing compassion to mom! I would be ashamed if I was related to the father.
It appears fathers family does not approve of his new wife. I can only guess but the inference here is they have watched the child being manipulated and do not condone this as they know the manipulators very well as fellow adults. These are the child's uncle or aunt and grandparents, it seems they are more concerned with the child having accuracy in their understanding of the family dynamics than blindly supporting their brother or son in whatever lies he was telling his child to be the victim and turn the child against his biological mother.
Load More Replies...
Unfortunately I had a very similar issue growing up. My parents sat on opposite sides of the stadium for my high school graduation and I had to go to each side to be congratulated. Always had to choose a side. For my college graduation my dad and stepmom refused to go because my mom would be there (along with like 10k other people). I told them if they can't be civil at my graduation what would happen when I got married or had kids? I ended up going No Contact with my dad and stepmom and did not invite them to my wedding. I reconciled with them before my daughter was born and they ended up refusing to come meet their granddaughter for fear my mom would be around even though she lived in a different state. So I decided my kids didn't need this garbage in their lives and told them to never contact me or my family again. No regrets!
Your stepmother is just as delusional as mine was. Don't give in. I walked away from my father and his wife 25 years ago, and I can tell you I did not start to grow as a human until after I cut them out. They were toxic and my life has been a million times better since I don't have to deal with them ever again.
Is this story real?? Like, what in the actual f**k?! They are upset because how the mom "treated" the step mom?? These people are EXTREMELY toxic and in no way shape or form would normal people ever in their life suggest some nonsense like this!! I am very sorry that you have to deal with this nonsense and I hope one day your father will mature and come to his senses, at the very least with you, and realize it was HIS actions that caused all of this. Maybe he shouldn't be there. Then to try and get closer to you by sacrificing your biological mother's time because the home wrecker can't have children?? That's the definition of narcissism and I can't even wrap my head around the fact that they even feel justified approaching you about this!
Where’s your dad in all this? He had an affair with his wife’s worst enemy. That’s some high level cruel behavior.
stepmom got what she deserved. she is an absolutely horrible witch, putting it mildly, and broke up the parents of this graduate to be, just to be a c, and now it's poor me everyone should feel sorry for me. NOOOOOPE!!! No babies to raise poorly for you.
Children are never to be used as leverage or weapons. The adults are the ones who have failed, to use your child to try and control the other parent is the lowest of the low. Your relationship failure is not the fault of the child, your job as the parent / adult is to show your child how to treat another human even though you have disagreements. Be the parent your child needs not the angry adult you want to be.
Parentifying a child is mental and emotional abuse. The cheats should be kicked to the curb. I love the fact that his mom never asked him to take sides, that speaks volumes.
If you force someone to make a choice, don't be surprised when they do.
I'm totally on the OP's side re his mum being the only person who matters and obviously he wants her at his graduation and any other important events in his life. Do I agree with what his mother said to the step mum about the miscarriages, etc. Sorry, but, no I don't. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I don't care what happened to who, you might think it for a single second, but, it was beyond cruel to say it to her face. It doesn't mean she has to sympathise with the stepmum, and obviously the OP isn't to be 'traded' to cover the loss, but, still...
Agreed. Hard YTA for Dad and Stepmom, for deliberately dragging this poor kid into things that should have been kept between the adults and trying to turn him against his mother. Soft YTA for the Mom for the 'you don't deserve to be a mother.' She was right to protect her kid from being treated like a toy, but there was no need to even bring up the miscarriages on the mom's end. 'No, I'll be spending the full amount of legally allowed time with my child,' repeat as necessary. The nasty remarks are the kind of thing you think to yourself but don't actually say to a person's face. It didn't resolve anything and led to more tension and conflict through the kid's entire childhood. That being said, the kid should never have found out about it because none of the adults should have been sharing details of their fights with a child.
Load More Replies... Can't imagine what would have happened to this kid if Dad and Stepmom actually had a kid, bet he would have been tossed aside.
Redditor Bonnm42 is 100% correct! If she did have another kid, step son would would have been pushed out of the father's life so quickly! Also, why is the father's family giving him so much information at a young age?? And I hope the father's family is at least showing compassion to mom! I would be ashamed if I was related to the father.
It appears fathers family does not approve of his new wife. I can only guess but the inference here is they have watched the child being manipulated and do not condone this as they know the manipulators very well as fellow adults. These are the child's uncle or aunt and grandparents, it seems they are more concerned with the child having accuracy in their understanding of the family dynamics than blindly supporting their brother or son in whatever lies he was telling his child to be the victim and turn the child against his biological mother.
Load More Replies... Unfortunately I had a very similar issue growing up. My parents sat on opposite sides of the stadium for my high school graduation and I had to go to each side to be congratulated. Always had to choose a side. For my college graduation my dad and stepmom refused to go because my mom would be there (along with like 10k other people). I told them if they can't be civil at my graduation what would happen when I got married or had kids? I ended up going No Contact with my dad and stepmom and did not invite them to my wedding. I reconciled with them before my daughter was born and they ended up refusing to come meet their granddaughter for fear my mom would be around even though she lived in a different state. So I decided my kids didn't need this garbage in their lives and told them to never contact me or my family again. No regrets!
Your stepmother is just as delusional as mine was. Don't give in. I walked away from my father and his wife 25 years ago, and I can tell you I did not start to grow as a human until after I cut them out. They were toxic and my life has been a million times better since I don't have to deal with them ever again.
Is this story real?? Like, what in the actual f**k?! They are upset because how the mom "treated" the step mom?? These people are EXTREMELY toxic and in no way shape or form would normal people ever in their life suggest some nonsense like this!! I am very sorry that you have to deal with this nonsense and I hope one day your father will mature and come to his senses, at the very least with you, and realize it was HIS actions that caused all of this. Maybe he shouldn't be there. Then to try and get closer to you by sacrificing your biological mother's time because the home wrecker can't have children?? That's the definition of narcissism and I can't even wrap my head around the fact that they even feel justified approaching you about this!
Where’s your dad in all this? He had an affair with his wife’s worst enemy. That’s some high level cruel behavior.
stepmom got what she deserved. she is an absolutely horrible witch, putting it mildly, and broke up the parents of this graduate to be, just to be a c, and now it's poor me everyone should feel sorry for me. NOOOOOPE!!! No babies to raise poorly for you.
Children are never to be used as leverage or weapons. The adults are the ones who have failed, to use your child to try and control the other parent is the lowest of the low. Your relationship failure is not the fault of the child, your job as the parent / adult is to show your child how to treat another human even though you have disagreements. Be the parent your child needs not the angry adult you want to be.
Parentifying a child is mental and emotional abuse. The cheats should be kicked to the curb. I love the fact that his mom never asked him to take sides, that speaks volumes.
If you force someone to make a choice, don't be surprised when they do.
I'm totally on the OP's side re his mum being the only person who matters and obviously he wants her at his graduation and any other important events in his life. Do I agree with what his mother said to the step mum about the miscarriages, etc. Sorry, but, no I don't. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I don't care what happened to who, you might think it for a single second, but, it was beyond cruel to say it to her face. It doesn't mean she has to sympathise with the stepmum, and obviously the OP isn't to be 'traded' to cover the loss, but, still...
Agreed. Hard YTA for Dad and Stepmom, for deliberately dragging this poor kid into things that should have been kept between the adults and trying to turn him against his mother. Soft YTA for the Mom for the 'you don't deserve to be a mother.' She was right to protect her kid from being treated like a toy, but there was no need to even bring up the miscarriages on the mom's end. 'No, I'll be spending the full amount of legally allowed time with my child,' repeat as necessary. The nasty remarks are the kind of thing you think to yourself but don't actually say to a person's face. It didn't resolve anything and led to more tension and conflict through the kid's entire childhood. That being said, the kid should never have found out about it because none of the adults should have been sharing details of their fights with a child.
Load More Replies...
60
22