Man Asks If He’s A Jerk For Wanting To Celebrate His Wedding Anniversary With His Wife Instead Of Babysitting His Sister
Interview With Author
When you start a family of your own, you naturally spend more time with them and start prioritizing them over anyone else. It happens not because the rest of the family isn’t important, but it’s part of creating your own life.
This man on Reddit has been married for 5 years and wanted to celebrate his wedding anniversary with his wife more than babysitting his little sister. His parents’ reaction was to ignore him and the man wonders if he should have decided differently.
Older brother refused to babysit his sister, making his parents stop talking to him as they needed to visit his aunt who has leukemia
Image credits: MirkoVitali (not the actual photo)
The thing is that he had already made plans to celebrate his wedding anniversary with his wife
Image credits: u/Cargorrrrrrrrr
Also, he thought everything was fine because he never received an answer from his parents after refusing to babysit his sister
Image credits: bialasiewicz (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Cargorrrrrrrrr
But they came to his house and were upset he was not there
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Cargorrrrrrrrr
The man was left wondering what he could have done differently
The Original Poster (OP) has known his wife since he was 8 years old, they’ve been dating since they were teenagers and 5 years ago, they got married. The couple is happy together and wanted to celebrate the occasion. The husband was thinking of going to a nice place to eat, buy his wife flowers and even go on a ride in a hot air balloon.
The same week the OP had his wedding anniversary, his parents decided that they needed to visit the OP’s aunt as she had been diagnosed with leukemia not too long ago. It wasn’t an emergency and the aunt wasn’t in critical condition, but she lives quite far as it takes about 4 or 5 hours by car to get to her.
That meant they would be staying at the aunt’s house for a week and they needed the OP to babysit his little sister. She is 6 years old and has mild ADHD which doesn’t need daily professional care, but not wanting to have a kid to take care of on dates, the OP declined. Plus, he and his wife would be working most days anyway.
The son informed his parents that he wouldn’t be babysitting his sister but never got an answer until he was sitting in a restaurant, getting angry texts from his parents who were at his house expecting to drop off their daughter. Bored Panda got in touch with the Redditor and he told us that he wasn’t sure why he didn’t get an answer from his parents, “Well, they showed up to my house after I wrote to them that I couldn’t babysit, though I’m not sure they saw it.” After that the parents were ignoring the OP and he is confused about what he could have done differently.
The man has still not spoken to his parents and is waiting for them to return. We also learnt that this wasn’t the first time he was asked to babysit his sister, but it doesn’t happen often and previous times he had time to do it.
People in the comments weren’t sure what the OP could have done differently either, because he informed his parents of his decision in advance and it wasn’t an emergency, so there was no need to visit the aunt during their son’s wedding anniversary.
Also, in the comments, the OP revealed that his parents weren’t actually asking him to babysit his sister but his mother wrote him, “We have to go to your aunt’s tomorrow, watch your sister for a week,” which commenters didn’t consider proper communication.
Many people theorized that the parents have done it on purpose to ruin the son’s anniversary, but the OP never thought about it. We asked him if he believed it to be true and his answer was “At this point, I’m not even sure anymore, but they have never really shown they’ve liked my wife, only really kept a neutral relationship with her.”
Eventually, the girl was taken care of by a family friend who doesn’t work and had time to look after OP’s sister as well as their own children that the girl gets along with well.
Image credits: German TR (not the actual photo)
It seems that the parents assumed that there was no question that the older sibling would look after his younger sister because they asked. The Redditor’s situation is not unique and older siblings often become the default babysitter as soon as they are old enough.
The issues that can arise here are several. Madam Enoire explains that “while sibling babysitting takes some of the pressure off of childcare costs, it can put a lot of stress on the sibling relationship. Younger siblings don’t always accept and respect their older sibling’s authority and this could cause problems between the two.”
Younger siblings can start resenting their older ones for being the parent figure instead of a friend, and on the other hand, the older siblings can start resenting their parents for putting this responsibility on them. Although, this mostly applies when parents ask for babysitting favors too often.
Sibling Relationship Lab agrees that siblings should primarily be siblings and older siblings can oversee younger siblings only occasionally. The Parenting Expert Sue Atkins explains that this sibling relationship actually makes the older sibling the worst babysitter.
It’s because of the power dynamics and rejection that was mentioned by Madam Enoire, but also because siblings already tease each other, so it can become extreme and become bullying or abuse. Older siblings who become babysitters will face challenges that a babysitter does, which are communication issues and frustration because the child is not cooperating and they are not prepared to handle it.
These problems might not be relevant for the OP as he is already an adult and can differentiate between being a sibling and a babysitter, but the bottom line is that the man communicated to his parents about his plans and that he was not willing to change them, but they ignored him. Also, they were able to find a different babysitter who they trust, so their son wasn’t the only option, which makes their strong negative reaction look strange.
Do you think the OP should have accepted the demand to babysit his sister and celebrated the anniversary a different day? How do you feel about the parents’ communication? Do you think relatives can refuse to be babysitters or is it their duty? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
The readers were convinced that the unpleasant situation was created solely by the man’s parents
The sister not going with her parents I can somewhat understand as the mood is probably not going to be very cheerful over there. But the parents could have waited a day since it wasn't an actual emergency, they could have asked the family friend to begin with, seeing how well it is going. Instead they "demanded" OP is babysitting his sister, ignoring the no-can't-do-answer and now are crapping all over him, even though the family friend is all fine with the arrangement. They don't seem to like their DIL and this looks like a sad attempt to torpedo their marriage since they also must have known it was their anniversary... Very immature behavior on OP's parents part...
As an aunt, I would love to see my niece if i was in this situation. In fact, when I had uterus cancer my niece surprised me by flying from Perth to Melbourne while I recovered at home from my hysterectomy, she brought her 6 month old daughter with her, it was joyous. Maybe the aunt didn't want her niece to see her that sick or she doesn't like kids. I don't know it's definitely NTA though.
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Tgis wasn't an emergency, but they acted like it was, I can't IMAGINE them in an ACTUAL emergency.
A leukemia diagnosis is a bad hit, mentally, so I think the mother dropping all & going immediately was the right thing. The father joining, much less so; can stay with the kid. (Or vice versa, whoever is closest.)
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I’m wondering if this has to do with money. The parents maybe want a week of free babysitting from the son, but we’re “forced” to leave the daughter with someone they would have to pay. Still NTA.
Not to mention OP and sister's huge age gap. They had time to weigh the pros and cons of a second child. Can't take care of them, keep your freaking legs closed.
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The sister not going with her parents I can somewhat understand as the mood is probably not going to be very cheerful over there. But the parents could have waited a day since it wasn't an actual emergency, they could have asked the family friend to begin with, seeing how well it is going. Instead they "demanded" OP is babysitting his sister, ignoring the no-can't-do-answer and now are crapping all over him, even though the family friend is all fine with the arrangement. They don't seem to like their DIL and this looks like a sad attempt to torpedo their marriage since they also must have known it was their anniversary... Very immature behavior on OP's parents part...
As an aunt, I would love to see my niece if i was in this situation. In fact, when I had uterus cancer my niece surprised me by flying from Perth to Melbourne while I recovered at home from my hysterectomy, she brought her 6 month old daughter with her, it was joyous. Maybe the aunt didn't want her niece to see her that sick or she doesn't like kids. I don't know it's definitely NTA though.
Load More Replies... Tgis wasn't an emergency, but they acted like it was, I can't IMAGINE them in an ACTUAL emergency.
A leukemia diagnosis is a bad hit, mentally, so I think the mother dropping all & going immediately was the right thing. The father joining, much less so; can stay with the kid. (Or vice versa, whoever is closest.)
Load More Replies... I’m wondering if this has to do with money. The parents maybe want a week of free babysitting from the son, but we’re “forced” to leave the daughter with someone they would have to pay. Still NTA.
Not to mention OP and sister's huge age gap. They had time to weigh the pros and cons of a second child. Can't take care of them, keep your freaking legs closed.
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