Woman Feels Guilty She Won’t Be Able To Get Over Awful Proposal, People Tell Her To Run
Many of us who have grown up watching and reading romantic stories expect certain moments in our lives to be stunning, including proposals and weddings. However, real life isn’t a film. And it’s often far from perfect. How things turn out in reality can leave some people devastated.
Reddit user u/Temporary_Wish_7261 recently went viral on r/relationship_advice and in the media after sharing how disappointed she was when her boyfriend proposed to her. This, according to her, was something she couldn’t get past. Read on for the full story and the advice the internet had to share.
Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
When it comes to proposals, people have very different wants and needs
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
One woman turned to the internet for advice after sharing how devastated she felt after her partner proposed to her
Image credits: Anna Pou (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Temporary_Wish_7261
Communication is absolutely fundamental to happy and healthy relationships
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas (not the actual photo)
To be very straightforward, there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ proposal or wedding. Because people are so different, they value different things. Some folks, for instance, might prefer a cheesy joke, a licorice ring, and a simple, “So what do you say?” Others, however, want things to be grand, romantic, and majestic.
It’s important to be clear here that there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with wanting a specific type of proposal. We all have certain expectations for how life will turn out. What’s vital here, however, are two things.
First, everyone needs to be on the same page as their partners who are going to be doing the proposal. And second, everyone needs to rein in their expectations to a certain extent, to avoid disappointment: certain decisions simply aren’t practical, like your partner skydiving to you with a bouquet of roses.
It’s no secret that proper communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. The fact of the matter is, nobody’s a mind-reader (though relationships would probably be easier to get right if they were). If there’s a pressing issue, a burning concern, or you have some grand expectations, you need to talk to your partner about them.
In an ideal world, every partner would craft the perfect proposal for the love of their life based on their character and the hundreds of things they know they enjoy. But, again, we don’t live in an ideal world. People can misinterpret what their partners like. They might forget about some of their dislikes. And some are so nervous about popping the big question that they might bungle the getting down on one knee part. Or… they might not want to get married in the first place.
You may want to sprinkle some subtle hints for your partner, or you could outright tell them what you want
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
So if you want your proposal to be a certain way, you could ‘subtly’ sprinkle some hints about it in your conversations. However, just to be clear, there’s no certainty that your partner will pick up on those. It’d be wonderful if they did. But let’s be realistic—they might focus on the other things you’re saying instead. Or they might not realize you’re hinting at something.
If your subtle strategies fail, go for the old-fashioned approach and just tell them what you’d like. Get the board with your vision of things. At the same time, remember that it’s not just you who’s getting married. You might want to be proposed to in a certain way, yes. But how does your partner envision doing it? If your ideas are at odds, you may want to look for some sort of compromise.
Similarly, the ring you want might not be what your partner envisions. According to The Knot, the average cost of an engagement ring in 2022 was around $6,000. Obviously, money isn’t everything: a ring can be beautiful and meaningful no matter the price. What matters here are the emotions, the meaning behind the design of the ring, the materials, and their significance.
However, if you’d like your ring to have certain elements, it’s best to be upfront with your partner about them. If something is incredibly important to you, it falls to you to communicate about it as openly as you can. It’s then up to you both to weave your ideas into their own thoughts they had about proposing.
It helps a lot if you don’t compare your proposal and wedding to what your social circle might think is ‘acceptable’
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
This openness can take a big chunk of surprise out of the proposal, however, you can still create romance in other unexpected ways.
Let’s not forget that we’re living in the 21st century either. If someone’s worried about the proposal, they could choose to propose to their partner instead. At the end of the day, though engagements and weddings are important, it’s the quality of the relationship that really matters. If you’re happy, healthy, and on the same page, with similar values, then you’re golden.
As ‘Brides’ points out, it can help a lot if you figure out what exactly you didn’t like about your proposal. For example, maybe it was too ordinary as opposed to something overly dramatic. Or it might have felt meaningless and transactional instead of something that was well-thought-out and dripping with romance.
You also shouldn’t be comparing your engagement and wedding with those of your friends. It’s not a competition! Think about how you really feel, not how things measure up in your social circle.
The woman’s story got a lot of attention. Here’s how some readers reacted to her post
A few people thought that both partners were a bit at fault for what happened
Some internet users had questions for the author
I think OP misses the point here really: He used the very engagement speech to basically say"I don't want to marry you, but feel I got no choice." This year at the campsite he made it clear, he still feels the same. Forget about the gesture, worry about his underlying ambivalence!
The standout line for me is "whenever ...we have a disagreement or I feel unwanted by him". A partner who loves you never makes you feel unwanted. Telling your partner "This should make you happy" is very rude - whether it was a ring or a cupcake. I think the truth is, neither of you are happy in this relationship.
It seems like OP is much more focused on the social implications of being in a relationship than the quality of the relationship itself. It sounds like she wanted so desperately to hear that he wants to marry her at least once, because he doesn't make her feel that way regularly, which is a problem. But she isn't trying to talk with him about whether they're truly on the same page. She just wants something to convince her that what is obvious (he doesn't want to marry her) isn't true. Proposals can be beautiful, but at the end of the day, they shouldn't tell you anything you didn't already know.
I think OP misses the point here really: He used the very engagement speech to basically say"I don't want to marry you, but feel I got no choice." This year at the campsite he made it clear, he still feels the same. Forget about the gesture, worry about his underlying ambivalence!
The standout line for me is "whenever ...we have a disagreement or I feel unwanted by him". A partner who loves you never makes you feel unwanted. Telling your partner "This should make you happy" is very rude - whether it was a ring or a cupcake. I think the truth is, neither of you are happy in this relationship.
It seems like OP is much more focused on the social implications of being in a relationship than the quality of the relationship itself. It sounds like she wanted so desperately to hear that he wants to marry her at least once, because he doesn't make her feel that way regularly, which is a problem. But she isn't trying to talk with him about whether they're truly on the same page. She just wants something to convince her that what is obvious (he doesn't want to marry her) isn't true. Proposals can be beautiful, but at the end of the day, they shouldn't tell you anything you didn't already know.
48
78