“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Lie To Cover Up What My Mom Realized About Me?”

Typically, a baby born into a family is a joyous occasion. It’s a new life, a new addition to your family! Yet, sometimes, not everyone feels this way. Like in today’s story, where a teen’s mom had children with her new husband, but the teen felt pretty indifferent to her new siblings, or better said, half-siblings. And, well, that caused quite a commotion in their family when the mom learned about it.

More info: Reddit

Sometimes, a new baby isn’t such a joyous thing in someone else’s life as some would like to believe

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

A teen’s mom got remarried and had two babies with her new husband, who she hopes will become her eldest’s second dad

“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Lie To Cover Up What My Mom Realized About Me?”

Image credits: Julia M Cameron (not the actual photo)

“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Lie To Cover Up What My Mom Realized About Me?”

Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Lie To Cover Up What My Mom Realized About Me?”

Image credits: Vidal Balielo Jr. (not the actual photo)

“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Lie To Cover Up What My Mom Realized About Me?”

Image credits: Quiet_Ad2412

But the teen wasn’t planning on considering her stepdad a second dad, and more importantly, she felt quite indifferent to her new half-siblings

When the OP was 10, she lost her dad. Now that she’s 16, her mom is married to a guy whom she met within a year of her ex-husband’s death. Let’s just say that the OP feels quite indifferent to her stepdad – she isn’t too excited about him but has no feelings of hate, either. He’s just okay, but more importantly, he makes her mom happy, even though the author will never think of him as her second dad.

The OP’s mom and her husband now have two new kids – 17 months old and 3 months old. The thing is that the original poster feels quite indifferent to the babies, just as she does with her stepfather. She sees these babies as not full but rather half-siblings because they are actually her half-siblings. Additionally, the age gap between them is so big that she doubts they will ever have relatable experiences.

Today’s story basically started when the mom decided to throw a celebration for her two new babies. During it, the OP got a bit tired of pretending to be overly enthusiastic about her half-siblings, so she went upstairs to talk to her best friend about it. The conversation was overheard by her mom, who was devastated that her daughter didn’t feel “warm and fuzzy” about her other kids.

Then, the author’s stepfather proceeded to ask her to lie to her mom that she actually doesn’t feel this way so she would go back to being happy, but the teen refused, which got her called selfish. So, she asked Reddit what they think — is she selfish for not lying to her mom about her feelings?

“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Lie To Cover Up What My Mom Realized About Me?”

Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual photo)

Most of the people online said that the OP wasn’t wrong to refuse to hide her feelings. After all, she’s a person who’s entitled to feel the way she does, especially regarding the situation she’s in and everything she’s been through.

Yet, some of these netizens pointed out that the whole family would benefit from family therapy. Basically, it would help them all to communicate better because right now, the situation doesn’t seem the brightest in this area.

There are many types of family therapy, such as psychoeducation, family systems therapy, and many others. We aren’t mental health professionals, so our take isn’t qualified — it’s just a guess. And that guess is that the OP, her mom, and her step-father could all benefit from either narrative family therapy (helping to understand each other) or supportive family therapy (creating a safe environment where family members can share their feelings).

For the family to work, all the members need to be willing to do the work. If any of the members aren’t in therapy willingly, it really takes down their chances to work things out. So, since technically, the OP’s family is strangers to us, it would be quite unethical to speculate whether they would be willing to go to therapy or not. We already speculated enough that they would benefit from it. But, hey, who wouldn’t, right?

The mom got upset when she learned about it, while the stepdad called the teen selfish for not lying to her mom about her feelings, but people online reassured her that she wasn’t selfish

“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Lie To Cover Up What My Mom Realized About Me?”

I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

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I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

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What do you think ?

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Alexandra 6 months ago

Listen, this girl has the right to feel the way she feels. Also, I'm surprised the mum doesn't realise that the way this girl feels makes complete sense. After all, she is much older and she has a different history. It's wrong for the mum to try to fit a square peg (the daugher) into a rond hole (the siblings) so to speak. Sure she has a mental picture of how things should be, but life is not about how things should be but about how things are. What I am afraid of is that the mum will start to see the older daughter as a kind of fly in the ointment of her perfect little family.

28points

Nicole Weymann 6 months ago

She's also 16. There's no way she'll see her new siblings in the same light she would a brother/sister closer to her age. There's just not that much they'll ever (or at least not for the next 15+ years) have in common. She may grow to like, even love, them, but there's a world of experiences she's already made growing up, and for the foreseeable future I can't believe they'll be much closer than they would be if she was a babysitter, cousin, or neighbour, especially if she starts on her adult life and moves out, reducing points of contact even more.

17points

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FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago

Don't hide anything from mom and Harvey, but consider faking it when in the presence of the kids. It doesn't matter when they are babies, but you'll be out of the house before they are too big, and being friendly and supportive will go a long way to having them be happy and healthy. You don't have lie and fuss over them, but be kind and indulge a little. Then reteearnbacknto your place/life and don't stress about it. Adults should be able to handle complex things like feelings, kids need time.

15points

Tyke 6 months ago

Mum needs therapy. She needs to realise she can't control other's emotions and she can't force her daughter to feel a certain way. She should get help so she can accept and navigate her new family dynamic whilst respecting her daughter's feelings.

6points

millac 3 weeks ago

Mom isn't trying to control the LW's emotions. Mom is having a very natural reaction to discovering 1) someone doesn't like her babies, and 2) the life she loves now doesn't come with her eldest in tow. Mom has so far behaved above board and has not lashed out, nor downgraded her treatment of the OP, nor abandoned her. So, no, Mom doesn't need therapy, and I doubt the efficacy of that therapy. Accepting the eldest daughter has zero desire to be involved in Mom's family, which would be the goal of therapy, is tantamount to accepting the eldest daughter is no longer Mom's family. Considering the OP is 16 and unable to be self sufficient, it is not in the OP's best interest for Mom to realize, via therapy, that she is a lost cause and never going change. Nor is it in OP's best interest to be completely honest, again via therapy, about her feelings. Some things once said cannot be taken back; saying they don't like your babies is one. OP should fake it until she makes it.

1point

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