Women Are Sharing The Worst Things They’ve Seen In Guys’ Apartments That Instantly Set Off ‘Red Flags’ For Them (30 Answers)
Interview
It’s incredible how telling the places we inhabit can be. It is human nature to shape one's surroundings, to form it to one's taste and needs. No wonder that over the course of time, your apartment home will mirror your personality.
This may become especially useful when we want to find out more about someone without asking them or spending hours getting to know each other. And when you take a good look around a person’s home, things can take an unexpected turn. What if it has some red flags you should be careful about?
This illuminating thread reveals what particular things women saw in a guy’s apartment set off their alarm bells, and below are the most interesting responses.
We also reached out to Emily Freeman, a dating and attraction coach who empowers driven men to go from confused to confident in their love lives, who shared some very useful and interesting insights about what women look for in a man’s place. She also shared some great tips to make sure you have your place ready before bringing in your date.
“Bringing a woman back to your place for the first time can be exciting and also nerve-racking. Remember she’s likely just as nervous as you. But if she’s graciously accepted your invite to come over, it’s because she’s into you,” Freeman told Bored Panda. Scroll down below for the full interview!
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According to this thread I am a f*****g catch. I own multiple forms of soap in different locations. I own a vacuum cleaner. I have 2 pillows on my bed. Nothing grows on my carpet. My toilet paper comes off a roll and not a daily nudes calendar. My kitchen is accessible and not filled with dirty dishes.
Ladies, please form a single file line.
Emily Freeman has a wide range of diverse programs and expertise areas built to help ambitious men find the missing piece in their life, their dream woman and partnership. “It’s my mission to help men realize their true potential in dating & relationships. To free themselves of lines and tactics and become authentically confident connecting with high-value women.”
“My formulas and approaches to dating have helped hundreds of men release deep-rooted insecurities and discover who they are to attract their dream woman. I focus on getting quickly to the root of my clients’ issues so they can transcend them and experience completely new realities in dating,” the dating coach explained about her job.
Throughout the years, Freeman has helped hundreds of CEOs, public figures, physicians, entrepreneurs, and high-performing executives and professionals release their dating blocks, step into their most empowered selves, and get the woman of their dreams, so she surely had some insights to share with us.
Having worked with social services, if the bathroom lock looks like it’s been replaced several times, leave and don’t go back.
If there's plastic over the furniture, that can only mean one of three things:
1. He has extreme OCD
2. He's repainting
3. You're about to have your organs harvested
First of, Freeman noted that women notice small details. “They notice the way your place looks, smells, and feels. They take it all in.”
According to the dating coach, women open up and want to get closer to a man when they feel safe. “They’re looking to see if you have a clear vision and plan to get there. The way you live tells her what you value and if you consider her desires and needs,” Freeman explained.
The Confederate flag
On a hat, on a shirt, on a tattoo, doesn't matter, that flag is a hate symbol on par with the swastika.
I've gone on two separate first dates where I've gone back to his place, only to find an array of BDSM equipment laid out neatly on his bed in anticipation -- once to be used on him, once to be used on me. (It wasn't used on either of us, either time.) These were *first dates.*
I'm down, but there has to be a conversation first, you know? You can't just spring that on someone.
Having said that, Freeman assured us that women don’t expect a man’s place to look like a Pinterest image. “They get that design and details aren’t necessarily your forte, though it’s always a bonus if your place looks polished.”
I like to follow the advice of one of my favourite quotes:
"We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't f**k them."
-John Waters
Once went on a date with a guy. Went back to his studio apartment and there was a “security” camera on the wall that had the bed and whole living area in view. Didn’t know him very well, didn’t fully trust the camera was off. Red flag
However, there are some big red flags men should avoid when bringing their date home. “But when your place is messy, there’s no bedframe, or there are signs of other women, her guard can go up. She’s less likely to want to get into your bed sheets if they aren’t fresh.”
This is important because when a woman is looking for a partner, she is searching for signs of what her life will be like with a man, Freeman explains. “She wants to know you can take care of yourself. When your place is clean and organized, it shows her you can plan and lead. In other words, she'll sense you could be a great potential teammate and want to get closer to you.”
I once dated a guy who had a six-inch marijuana plant growing from his damply disgusting bathroom carpet. It wasn't so much the weed that put me off, it was that he had shag carpeting *in the bathroom.*
No soap in the bathroom to wash your hands.
I have a best friend who will have a Christmas celebration and not put soap or towels in the guest bath. It's odd.
“A tidy and furnished home tells her that you are ready for a long-term relationship. That you know how to plan ahead, not only for her arrival but for the relationship moving forward,” the dating coach explained.
When asked how you should prepare your home before bringing your date home, Freeman said that a woman will notice if your place is clean and tidy. “She’ll look at your floors, countertops, and bed. She’ll notice if there are crumbs, clothes and shoes lying around, or if your bed isn’t made.”
I went to a guys (late 20's) apartment and he had spongebob squarepants sheets and the entire collection of ICarly on dvd. He did not have kids.
Edit: I realize that these things alone could be harmless. These were just the initial red flags though. I stopped talking to him after he showed me a picture of his 13 year old sister that he carried around with him and talked about how "sexy" she was and how he didn't understand why his mom wouldn't allow him to come visit her.
No cleaning supplies. No toilet cleaner, dish soap, dish rack, mop, broom, vacuum, dirty dishes in the sink (like a pile that hasn't been done in a while), no trash bag in the trash can. lots more but can't think of all of them right now
Waiting for that "I'll go on a second date but first I'll have to clean your place up" person.
What’s also important is to help a woman feel comfortable and relaxed. Freeman’s tip is to have something refreshing to offer her. “And a clean glass to put it in!”
Moreover, she’ll also notice the lighting, the dating coach says. “Lighting can either make a woman feel relaxed or want to run for the hills. Ditch any fluorescent bulbs for soft white light. Dimmers are always a plus!”
And last but not least, Freeman reminds men eager to make a great impression on their date not to forget about the bathrooms. “Have clean towels hanging and put the toilet seat down for her.”
Cat s**t smeared around the litter box and ground into the floor. Anything having to do with s**t, p**s, and mold not being cleaned up/taken care of.
It just baffles me, like if this is what you're willing to show me the first time I ever visit your apartment I can't imagine what horrors await me when we really get to know each other.
Edit: in addition to this, your cat having constant diarrhea in addition to everything above is a huge red flag that you not only can't take care of yourself, but you also can't take care of the one other life that you are in charge of
Pee in water bottles.
Walked in. Took a look and walked right the f**k back out.
WHY?!? Why not just use the bathroom? why are people like this?
Now, if you want to take a step further and make sure that your place really makes an impression, then there are some tricks to try. Freeman’s advice is to have scent sticks or a diffuser to make the place smell like a high-end department store or hotel. “Candles are always a nice touch too. Just make sure there aren’t so many that she wonders if you have expectations of where the night will go,” she explained.
He has much more stuff than he can realistically afford to own. And I don't just mean unmanageable debt. Let's say he has no debts but he's consistently vague or dodgy about what he does for a living. "I'm into imports". FLEE.
Sheets that smell and look dirty.
No soap at the bathroom sink.
Skid marks
Clear evidence that he eats straight out of the pot or pan. Edit- eating out of the pot, ok, efficient. My true objection was that there were always multiple pots with food left lying around his place. Accidentally stepping into a pan of cold pasta is never an experience I want to repeat.
Sink full of dishes growing their own life forms.
Huge gaming computer with trash all around it, literally thrown on the ground and never dealt with.
Soap scum in the shower so thick you can run a nail through it to the tiling.
This is all one guy. I should have noped out faster, but was ignorant of men being decent creatures. Tbf- I was 19.
Edit- spelling. And clarification regarding pots.
Moreover, “It’s always a good idea to have a stash of extra, unopened toothbrushes,” Freeman argues. “But don’t go too above and beyond to have extra toiletries. This may give her the idea you have frequent female visitors,” she warned.
“When she walks into your bedroom, there should be two bedside tables — one for you and one for her on each side of the bed.”
Too many mirrors.
Erotic art.
A half completed suit made of human skin on a tailors dummy.
A closet full of empty alcohol bottles presented as an achievement
Most importantly, Freeman suggests “instead of focusing on the outcome or her opinion of you, shift your attention to how it feels to have her in your place.”
“How does she walk into the place? Does she offer to take off her shoes? Do you feel like she’s respectful of your stuff? Does she thank you for offering her a beverage?”
Crispy socks
I did not know how much two words could make me gag. Thank you for that mental image.
Holes in walls. F**k no.
EDIT: I was talking about holes he punched in anger (or for fun, which is crazy behaviour)
EDIT 2: I'm SO SORRY to all the guys and girls out there with anger management issues that they are working on. I didn't mean to belittle your situation. I was thinking of the type of person who smashes walls, furniture, windows and people without giving a damn what happens next. I was thinking of legitimate A******S. Anger issues does NOT make you an a*****e by default (I struggle with this sometimes too, though not to the extent that others have mentioned, so I get how it messes up your self-esteem and ideas about what kind of person you are). For all of those people who are struggling with this type of issue and are trying to fix it, you deserve utmost respect. That s**t is HARD. Sorry for the blow to the self-esteem, that's not fun when you're already struggling. ):
Even more important than how your place looks, Freeman added, is how you two feel in it. “If she seems nervous, stay in the common areas and help her feel more relaxed by sitting close to her while leaving breathing room,” the dating coach concluded.
Decorates with beer logos and pics of weed culture.
A person so into their alcohol and drugs that they decorate their apartment with it is just not going to be a quality relationship.
Edit: Okay, clarification of my intent is needed lol. I'm talking about the apt of someone out of college, who has plastered his walls with PBR flattened cases (for soundproofing, man!), has pyramids of beer bottles (because it's cool, man!). Many posters of Bob Marley with weed, Cheech and Chong with weed, pictures of weed leaf everywhere, has beer logo bath towels, beer logo drinking glasses, has a couch throw that is weed leaf designs, the massive bong, water pipe and 8 lead hookah are the star attraction in the living room. THIS is the type of manchild I am referring to.
No hand towels/paper towels/anything to dry my f*****g hands on in the bathroom after I wash my hands.
Plates and/or silverware crusted with old food.
Bonus points if they're plastic.
Extra bonus points if they're in the bedroom.
Extra extra bonus points if they're in the sink with the dishwasher empty.
One often overlooked thing is *too different from yours*. If it's too dirty or too clean compared to how you keep yours, get ready to deal with the difference. A messy person will always leave a mess, and a clean one will nag you about yours.
Then there's in-depth hobbies. It's not necessarily a bad thing if someone has anime figurines or sexy calendars, but the question always is, do you? If someone likes something enough to have it around and buy associated merchandise, it's a major hobby. If you can't enjoy it together, it will stand between you.
Hobbies don’t stand between people. You each can have your own hobbies and find new stuff you enjoy together
A bathroom sink and floor so covered in hair you’re not sure what color the sink is/was.
A bedroom filled with so much s**t it looks like a hoarder house.
No couches. No sitting area. Just a tv and a lawn chair for gaming.
I walked out within 10 minutes and regretted A LOT.
Edit: spelling because typing is hard.
Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue tearouts all over the walls by their twin bed, when they are a 25yr-old adult.
I once met a girl who had a wedding dress in her apartment, she said she was saving it for a special day.
I left quickly after that.
I mean, if she got the dress from someone, or it was on sale and she new she would like the style in the future, i would not find that a problem. If she just bought a full-price wedding dress for no reason, that might be an issue. Also did she ever mention having a previous partner? Maybe they were going to get married but it ended after she had gotten the dress.
No toilet paper. Sick full of dishes. Stank. Crunchy hand towels. BEDSHEETS TACKED UP FOR CURTAINS AND YOUR A*S IS OVER 22.
Not owning a hammer is weird too but that's all genders and I might be the weirdo there. Unsure.
Roommates who don't ask your name or really even say hi. This usually means he has girls in and out of the apartment and they don't feel like putting the effort in any longer.
Or it's just a roommate who thinks it's none of their business, you're the other's friend, not theirs.
During the first date or so, everything is immaculate.
Then the more you know him, the more cluttered it gradually becomes. Trash here and there, kitty croutons not being picked up. No trash bin in the bathroom, no toilet paper on the roll.
Forks and plates strewn *everywhere*.
Laundry *everywhere*.
You'll wind up being his mother and maid instead of a significant other.
Not a ladie but me & gf slept one night on a borrowed aparment of this single guy, while on trip. He has a sort of shrine with some 3d printed statues from 20cm to 1m of himself. I mean, it was kind a small church of him.
A queen size bed with one pillow, no sheets, and a crumbled polyster comforter thrown on top. It just really bothers me when people don't treat their bed like the fluffy haven it is.
Well if there's NOTHING in the house except a blow up mattress in the living room, I would nope the f**k out and I did.
I once went home with a guy and there were dozens of condoms on the coffee table.
Using a daily calendar of naked girls as toilet paper.
Edit- the calendar in question looked like this but with naked chicks. http://imgur.com/loe1ayk
Probably all the KY Jelly bottles that my former guy friend had strewn around his apartment. One in the kitchen, one in the living room, one in the bathroom.... I lost count. That night he confessed he had feelings for me, but I didn't feel the same way. Things got pretty awkward and I haven't talked to him since.
Sounds like he's got issues with yanking the crank a bit much. I hope you were honest with him and told him specifically what was the put off. Some guys (and gals) don't understand.
"Tools! Tools! Duct tape, zip ties and gloves! I have to have my tools!"
"Why do you have a bunch of, like, weird tools in a hidden compartment in your car?""
"It's fetish- it's fetish s**t! I-I-I like to bind, I like to be bound!"
Photo frames on the wall that still have the sample photos in them. I think that women's gym shooter did that.
Edited to add: Thanks for all the replies! In a room full of other things, I can see how it wouldn't be a bad thing at all, especially if the stock photo happens to be a nice scene. But in an empty place devoid of life (because the owner wants it that way and not because they just moved in and don't have a budget for decor) and there's that one sad framed stock photo picture on the wall, that's so disturbing to me. When the news stories detailed what the gym shooter's place looked like, I couldn't help but shudder.
His pet rat free to roam the dining table.
I'm fine with rodents, but not where you make food. The 3 other rats in the freezer, waiting for the fourth and lone survivor to kick it so they could all be cremated together, was a line well crossed however.
Not a girl but one thing my grandpa told me was to always have a lidded trashcan in the bathroom. I’m surprised I haven’t seen this on here so far.
Stayed overnight at a guys house once and brought my toothbrush to brush my teeth in the morning. He had no toothpaste and only mouthwash and used that to brush his teeth. Most bizarre thing I’d ever seen and he had great teeth!
The Communist Manifesto.
Comrade.
Edit: I’m not making a political statement. Communism. Red flags.
So person can't own The Communist Manifesto? That doesn't mean he is a communist. It's been publicated sereval times as a piece of history. So nobody ever can read it and own it? It's not about hate at all. It's pretty harmless and was pretty harmless back it the day. It was just taken out of its original context by some really awful people.
Any odor of garbage. A messy bathroom lacking common hygiene products. Too many “collectibles”
"Collectibles" ...I'm side eyeing you, here. The quotes make me believe you think something isn't a collectible when it very likely is, it's just not to your liking.
Asked wife this question. Without hesitation she said “superhero bed sheets.”
Note: Not a woman. Can still give advice.
1: Dude clearly has physical space at a premium yet rooms are clearly not put together and he moved in a year ago. Your living space doesn't need to look like an Ikea show room but there's a point where it's obvious you expect someone else to do it for you and you just haven't gotten around to guilting mommy and daddy into it yet.
2: More than a quarter of your dishes are dirty and either in the sink or stuffed into your dish washer. Dish washers don't work properly when they're stuffed to the brim- something you'd know if you ever *used* it- a sink that is full with more than just two or three dirty dishes- I mean, I immediately clean pots and pans either after the meal or depending on it, after I'm done cooking- like you don't get where they're coming from.
3: Stank, or interchangeably an incredibly strong air freshener scent. The air freshener thing is an auto-break for me because it actually gives me migraines, but people tend to forget that houses are supposed to be *opened up* during the warmer season. And the only reason your home smells- thus justifying air fresheners- is because you don't. clean. up. after. yourself. Week old dirty laundry and a trash can that needed to be taken out a week ago will do that.
4: Carpets that needed to be vacuumed / floors that clearly need sweeping. If it's been a month the answer is always, 'yes.' Put some headphones on, it takes 30 minutes to an hour, tops. Your standard issue bachelor pad is *not* that big.
5: Bed sheets, towels, ect, that have man funk or musk or a moldy smell to them. If it's been two weeks the answer is always, 'yes, it needs to be washed.'
6: If you got a large preponderance of hobbies, you had better be ready to share one with her. If you are nerd supreme, Magic player, you'd better be dating a fellow enthusiast or have a damn good marketing pitch to give to the laywoman. Because she ain't interested in you if 9/10ths of your free time is a hobby you refuse to share. There's nothing *for her* there.
7: Too much of the sexy things. Art work, *cough* toys, apparel, that kind of thing. While it does drift into point 6, this is the kind of thing you're either up front about- there's a kind of person you pick up at the dungeon or munches- or the kind of thing you build up to. If you date a professional artist, they do legitimately need reference material sometimes. Especially if they just got asked to do the cover art for an issue of Heavy Metal and the most exposure they've had to music is Beethoven. You **can** have these things but have the self awareness to box it up if you're not dating as mutual enthusiasts. Especially if you're not trying to explain / show it to them. In some respects this actually works to your favor- there's no easier way to litmus test a date than to try and explain a hobby or kink to them. If she digs poetry you don't need to know Charles Baudelaire but you'd better be willing to learn. If you're dating a goth you may want to dig out your high school Edgar Allen Poe books.
8: Dirty appliances, fixtures, toilets, showers, counters, ect. Again, like you don't know where it's coming from. When there's clearly a urine stain on the back of the toilet seat, urine splatter on the rim of the toilet, the toilet bowl clearly hasn't been cleaned in 6 months because something is *growing* in it and you got flecks of what looks to be s**t on the underside of the seat from the last time your Chipotle went nuclear, and you didn't think to clean *any* of this, you clearly don't want to date someone so much as you want a mom. And you know what? Some people will actually do that. They enjoy the household chores and feeling needed for that. **Some** do.
9: A fridge with more condiments than food. A pantry with more convenience meals like boxed mac and cheese than things like canned crushed tomatoes or beans. A spice rack with black pepper, salt, crushed red pepper and little else. Eating nothing but take out is convenient but it is neither healthy nor thrifty. Cooking for yourself demonstrates a certain level of maturity- god knows you don't go to fast food because you want to eat something you can't make yourself- and home cooked meals are the easiest and cheapest of date nights. Plus, the kind of woman who willingly has going out to restaurants as the cornerstone of your dating life is more likely there for the food than you.
1: Can’t say this would bother me much to be fair. 2: We all can’t be bothered to adult at times, this wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. 3: I think we can all agree that stinky is bad. 4 & 5: Basic hygiene is a must. 6: What’s wrong with having hobbies? It’s healthy to have your own interests and not spend 24/7 with your partner. 7: Too much ‘Sexy Stuff’? Tell me you’re sexually repressed and insecure without telling me you’re sexually repressed and insecure… 8: As long as things are fairly clean, I don’t expect to be able to eat my dinner off the floors. 9: There’s rarely any food in my fridge. Not everyone is a great cook or even bothered about what they eat and when. This doesn’t signal a red flag for me. However, with the list of so called red flags here, I’m not sure anyone could live up to this persons standards.
an existing girlfriend
Edit: I'm not a girl leave me alone
Actual things I've observed in homes of single men:
- *Star Trek* shrine (2 instances, 1 of which also featured uniforms)
- lawn chairs and inflatable furniture in the living room of a guy who drove a Mitsubishi 3000GT (this was in the late '90s, so it was a current car)
- a separate bedroom for the pet snakes (the 7' boa was nice, but when there is also a 7' yellow anaconda that requires PPE to be handled...)
- his "apartment" is actually his mom's garage
- *everything* had NASCAR logos on it
Agree with the lawn chair and inflatable furniture, the car probably will get more love than you will. Nascar logos on everything.. a bit too much for me honestly. If the apartment in the garage is a decent living space and gives you privacy, it can be a nice way to save up. Who doesn't like Star Trek? And danger noodles like that I'd rather have in a separate room, that's actually a wise thing to do :)
My new neighbor's house was a mirror of the one I just bought. So he showed it to me. Everything was extremely clean and neat. His clothes were separated by exactly 2" in his closets, the contents of his cupboards were alphabetized...
Wasn’t an apartment,he was still living at home and at 23+ but this was what made it wierd.
A bunk bed
Edit: Just to clarify I didn’t care he still lived at home the issue was the bunk bed - for quote “incase if my brother or I have friends round” he was 23 and his brother was around 25-30 no friends were going to be staying round. It’s also not that they could his family piled “collectibles” aka c**p on top.
EDIT no.2: the red flag is the bunk bed
If he ain’t 10 he don’t need a bunk bed
The best advice I've ever gotten as a single dude in my first apartment was to keep my bathroom nice, and always have fresh towels. Bitches love fresh towels.
Ladies I don't mean to brag but I can actually put the toilet roll on the correct way and my bed has not 1 or 2 but 4 pillows with a duvet set that matches XD In all seriousness though, a persons home tells you a lot about themselves. If your disgusted by their living conditions your probably going to be disappointed down the line
Depends on what you call the correct way of hanging the toilet roll buddy 👀 (‘over’, obviously). But yeah, have an upvote
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In my opinion, red flags is an overused term nowadays for any flaw someone has. Not being good at cleaning doesn't mean a red flag as person. People aren't perfect. We get different advice: Don't hold yourself up to those picture perfect images of houses and families you see - sometimes 80% is enough. (in parenting, cleaning etc). But reading most of these "red flags" posts sound like people DO expect others to be picture perfect regarding househould, personal life, etc. I am not a housewife. My house is cluttered, I try to keep it clean, I try to keep everything stocked, I try to keep up with laundry (I am divorced, 3 kids, work 36hrs a week, have kids every other week and have hobbies). I am more than just a cleaner or mom, so I would like to spend time on me being a person (as in, relax, hobby,sport,socialize etc). The big question with all these "red flags" is self reflection - what bad habits do you have? Those red flags used to be called flaws/ bad habits. Everyone has them.
Some of this is really specific, as in some people having bad experiences with one person. Other than that we could sum up: Bad smell, dirty, lack of hygiene equipment, photos/ personal belongings of (ex) girlfriends are bad signs for most people.
Yeah, bdsm s**t laid neatly on the bed is also pretty bad
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oh i have one that'll top ALL OF THIS. When i was young and dumb like around 20, i went on an all-night ride-along with a cop i kinda liked. after his shift, we went back to his place. walls were hung with *framed newspaper clippings* of the people he'd shot/killed in the "line of duty"...last night i ever saw that monster
Survey photos with an eye of a mathematician. I dated a great guy and fell hard for him, not noticing a significant age difference. He was youthful, current, and hot. We met at a friend's party and age never came up. We had a great connection, but once our ages were revealed, he abruptly ended it due to "our age difference." I thought the smiling college grad photos were other loved ones, not his grown kids. (We both had no idea that the age gap was so significant.) The man clearly had access to the fountain of youth, ala Paul Rudd.
Oh, what a shame. I hope you broke up because you yourselves thought it inappropriate and not because you feared what others may say.
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I may get downvoted below the Earth’s crust for this, but back when I was more interested in seeing the world than in settling down, everything I owned was in a duffel bag on my back, a toolbox in one hand and a laptop in the other hand. Creepy, coercive and filthy guys are one thing, but guys just enjoying their agency to be happy while not “marriage material” aren’t in that same danger zone.
I fully agree there is no problem with this. You don't have to own a lot of material things, and you don't have to be living to impress other people. I think, honestly, a lot of this list is people being careless with the things/places they do have. But everyone has their own standards I suppose.
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You know how we all know that disgusting fact that a flush shoots bacteria 6 feet? Guess what? It's REALLY easy to prevent. Don't like your dog drinking out of the toilet? Yes folks with the amazing LID you can fix this any many other problems. People are disgusting
This is a little dramatic. People who don't put the lid down all the time are not disgusting. Not everyone knows the 6 ft bacteria fact.
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Smell of mold. Towels that can hold a shape and look depressing. Dirty bathrooms. Pets kept in filthy cages or aquariums. Beer cases stacked in kitchen. Broken toilets. Like broken not unflushable. Crusty sheets. Dust. Roommates that walk around in underwear. This is all one guy btw.
I knew a lot of these guys in my early 20s. They were raised in a house where usually their mom cleaned or their mom had to tell them constantly to clean up and wash up. Without that person telling them what they need to do they don't do it. They are at the "It's my place I do what I want" stage in their life. Some grow out of it, some marry their mothers so they don't need to.
I grew up in a nice upper-middle class neighborhood. But I've still been to guys' houses and seen: ... A house with NO FLOOR. Had to walk across the beams too get around. Space heater in the bathroom to keep the toilet from freezing. Feral cats walking around in the exposed crawl space. ... A living space with no toilet. When I said I had to go pee, I was invited to squat and pee into a drain. I didn't want to be impolite, so I did it. ... Dog c**p on the floor. Like, more than one. Heck. No. ... A kitchen sink full of weeks-old dishes. Tried to help out and wash, stopped when I found syringe caps clogging the garbage disposal. Turned out there was a roommate with a drug problem. ... Black, dried blood on walls & ceiling from 2 separate, unrelated events. ... A small empty trash can filled with empty bullet casings "for recycling." ... A front door w/o hinges. Solid wood. Had too pick it up, move it, enter, then put it back every time you entered. ... The worst: a booger wall.
I hope you called animal control to get those poor critters out of that mess.
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You know, to all my ladies out there, just like some men are gross, some women are just as disgusting.
I was in a man's house once and his house mate showed me his rat bag. A bag made of rats. He skinned hundreds rats and stitched them together to make the bag, tails hanging off and all. He said rats had to be skinned alive 🙃
Once went back to a guy's house and he had a bunch of different beverage containers completely filled with tobacco spit. The smell was awful. Thank God it didn't last. Turns out he still had a girlfriend anyway so, yeah, I ghosted him. In retrospect, I probably should have told him why it wasn't working, but this was over ten years ago and I was a coward.
Despite all the above things, if a guy's attractive enough, the woman will still sleep with the him. Women make excuses for attractive guys, and rules for unattractive ones.
My now husband (19 when we met) was living with his mother who had a hoarding disease (fyi, he took care of her because no one else in the family would). When he brought me over he told me to only go where he cleared a space for me. The guy made sure his room was cleared and spotless, the hall to the front door, his room and the bathroom had a safe space for me to walk, and the bathroom itself was cleaned to perfection. I learned later that he'd have to do this every time I'd come over because his mom would fill any available space within hours. He's the most compassionate patient person you'll ever meet. Never complained about how his mom was, just did what he needed to keep her safe and happy. PS Mom got the hoarding help she needed and is doing much better in a smaller place with a care taker. We visit her regularly.
When I was young, I date a close to 30-year-old. Food and dirt under his fingernails, DUI he went to jail for, backyard breeder... So many red flags! Nice guy, but he drank too much; a few is one thing, a few too many is something else!
I met my husband at the age of 22. Nude calendar and metal band posters. Large beer collection. I was his first girlfriend. Married for 1 year, dating for 9 years and living together for 8. Clumsy and a little awkward he was. But very sweet. Not everything is a red flag. People are not supposed to behave a certain way. Im am still very certain i made the right choice. I do agree with the ones about having very very karge differences and the ones about potential danger tho
I can't believe how many people in the comments of these are defending these. Yes there are always exceptions, this post is not an attack on you.
How about we switch things up from all these posts about all the terrible things men do and we start posting some of the same about women? Probably not right? Didn't think so
I dated a man for 8 years on and off. I was very taken by him and did make excuses for odd behavior. Yet, when I finally moved in with him, I finally saw his true self! He had dogs and cats. There would be accidents and he would just wipe it up with a paper towel and not scrub the floor. I never went barefoot! He lived on a lake and had a holding tank for sewage. Once a month, he would use a hose to put the waste in the lake! There were sewage flies coming up the drain. Flies and mice because his attached garage was stacked to the ceiling with old trash! He laughed about a deer head that had been in his freezer for 30 years! Told me not to open the freezer in the basement! This man had serious problems to think living like this was okay. I was a fool to let him come and crash at my house in constant. I thought he just liked my place. I had frequented his place rarely and no bugs flew by me then. He did everything to clean and hide these realities from me.
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Well i dodged 28 of these so fingers crossed lmao. Other 2 a bit harder to do when i batch cook a deep freeze of food in 1 day so i don't have to cook for a month at a time. Also with the cleaning i am sometimes away from home for a month or longer working and dust does buildup
Picture this: he’s 40, living rent-free in his mom’s rental property, there’s dog pee all over the carpets, no hand soap in the bathrooms, he keeps his porno collection in the living room, there’s a strange odor coming out of his garbage disposal, and he has a military uniform hanging in his closet even though he got kicked out of basic training. 🤢
No sheets on the bed(like, no fitted sheet or covers of any kind), trash everywhere, sink full of dishes and dirty dishes all over the counter, dirty bathroom with beard hair everywhere, and a cat that was allowed to p**s wherever...this was one guy...
Cats are usually clean animals. I feel sorry for this kitty who was not properly care for.
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I am really surprised by this. If I was a woman, my red flags would be much more minor than any of these.
yeah tbh some of these are really really weird. and that's coming from a girl
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Ladies I don't mean to brag but I can actually put the toilet roll on the correct way and my bed has not 1 or 2 but 4 pillows with a duvet set that matches XD In all seriousness though, a persons home tells you a lot about themselves. If your disgusted by their living conditions your probably going to be disappointed down the line
Depends on what you call the correct way of hanging the toilet roll buddy 👀 (‘over’, obviously). But yeah, have an upvote
Load More Replies... In my opinion, red flags is an overused term nowadays for any flaw someone has. Not being good at cleaning doesn't mean a red flag as person. People aren't perfect. We get different advice: Don't hold yourself up to those picture perfect images of houses and families you see - sometimes 80% is enough. (in parenting, cleaning etc). But reading most of these "red flags" posts sound like people DO expect others to be picture perfect regarding househould, personal life, etc. I am not a housewife. My house is cluttered, I try to keep it clean, I try to keep everything stocked, I try to keep up with laundry (I am divorced, 3 kids, work 36hrs a week, have kids every other week and have hobbies). I am more than just a cleaner or mom, so I would like to spend time on me being a person (as in, relax, hobby,sport,socialize etc). The big question with all these "red flags" is self reflection - what bad habits do you have? Those red flags used to be called flaws/ bad habits. Everyone has them.
Some of this is really specific, as in some people having bad experiences with one person. Other than that we could sum up: Bad smell, dirty, lack of hygiene equipment, photos/ personal belongings of (ex) girlfriends are bad signs for most people.
Yeah, bdsm s**t laid neatly on the bed is also pretty bad
Load More Replies... oh i have one that'll top ALL OF THIS. When i was young and dumb like around 20, i went on an all-night ride-along with a cop i kinda liked. after his shift, we went back to his place. walls were hung with *framed newspaper clippings* of the people he'd shot/killed in the "line of duty"...last night i ever saw that monster
Survey photos with an eye of a mathematician. I dated a great guy and fell hard for him, not noticing a significant age difference. He was youthful, current, and hot. We met at a friend's party and age never came up. We had a great connection, but once our ages were revealed, he abruptly ended it due to "our age difference." I thought the smiling college grad photos were other loved ones, not his grown kids. (We both had no idea that the age gap was so significant.) The man clearly had access to the fountain of youth, ala Paul Rudd.
Oh, what a shame. I hope you broke up because you yourselves thought it inappropriate and not because you feared what others may say.
Load More Replies... I may get downvoted below the Earth’s crust for this, but back when I was more interested in seeing the world than in settling down, everything I owned was in a duffel bag on my back, a toolbox in one hand and a laptop in the other hand. Creepy, coercive and filthy guys are one thing, but guys just enjoying their agency to be happy while not “marriage material” aren’t in that same danger zone.
I fully agree there is no problem with this. You don't have to own a lot of material things, and you don't have to be living to impress other people. I think, honestly, a lot of this list is people being careless with the things/places they do have. But everyone has their own standards I suppose.
Load More Replies... You know how we all know that disgusting fact that a flush shoots bacteria 6 feet? Guess what? It's REALLY easy to prevent. Don't like your dog drinking out of the toilet? Yes folks with the amazing LID you can fix this any many other problems. People are disgusting
This is a little dramatic. People who don't put the lid down all the time are not disgusting. Not everyone knows the 6 ft bacteria fact.
Load More Replies... Smell of mold. Towels that can hold a shape and look depressing. Dirty bathrooms. Pets kept in filthy cages or aquariums. Beer cases stacked in kitchen. Broken toilets. Like broken not unflushable. Crusty sheets. Dust. Roommates that walk around in underwear. This is all one guy btw.
I knew a lot of these guys in my early 20s. They were raised in a house where usually their mom cleaned or their mom had to tell them constantly to clean up and wash up. Without that person telling them what they need to do they don't do it. They are at the "It's my place I do what I want" stage in their life. Some grow out of it, some marry their mothers so they don't need to.
I grew up in a nice upper-middle class neighborhood. But I've still been to guys' houses and seen: ... A house with NO FLOOR. Had to walk across the beams too get around. Space heater in the bathroom to keep the toilet from freezing. Feral cats walking around in the exposed crawl space. ... A living space with no toilet. When I said I had to go pee, I was invited to squat and pee into a drain. I didn't want to be impolite, so I did it. ... Dog c**p on the floor. Like, more than one. Heck. No. ... A kitchen sink full of weeks-old dishes. Tried to help out and wash, stopped when I found syringe caps clogging the garbage disposal. Turned out there was a roommate with a drug problem. ... Black, dried blood on walls & ceiling from 2 separate, unrelated events. ... A small empty trash can filled with empty bullet casings "for recycling." ... A front door w/o hinges. Solid wood. Had too pick it up, move it, enter, then put it back every time you entered. ... The worst: a booger wall.
I hope you called animal control to get those poor critters out of that mess.
Load More Replies... You know, to all my ladies out there, just like some men are gross, some women are just as disgusting.
I was in a man's house once and his house mate showed me his rat bag. A bag made of rats. He skinned hundreds rats and stitched them together to make the bag, tails hanging off and all. He said rats had to be skinned alive 🙃
Once went back to a guy's house and he had a bunch of different beverage containers completely filled with tobacco spit. The smell was awful. Thank God it didn't last. Turns out he still had a girlfriend anyway so, yeah, I ghosted him. In retrospect, I probably should have told him why it wasn't working, but this was over ten years ago and I was a coward.
Despite all the above things, if a guy's attractive enough, the woman will still sleep with the him. Women make excuses for attractive guys, and rules for unattractive ones.
My now husband (19 when we met) was living with his mother who had a hoarding disease (fyi, he took care of her because no one else in the family would). When he brought me over he told me to only go where he cleared a space for me. The guy made sure his room was cleared and spotless, the hall to the front door, his room and the bathroom had a safe space for me to walk, and the bathroom itself was cleaned to perfection. I learned later that he'd have to do this every time I'd come over because his mom would fill any available space within hours. He's the most compassionate patient person you'll ever meet. Never complained about how his mom was, just did what he needed to keep her safe and happy. PS Mom got the hoarding help she needed and is doing much better in a smaller place with a care taker. We visit her regularly.
When I was young, I date a close to 30-year-old. Food and dirt under his fingernails, DUI he went to jail for, backyard breeder... So many red flags! Nice guy, but he drank too much; a few is one thing, a few too many is something else!
I met my husband at the age of 22. Nude calendar and metal band posters. Large beer collection. I was his first girlfriend. Married for 1 year, dating for 9 years and living together for 8. Clumsy and a little awkward he was. But very sweet. Not everything is a red flag. People are not supposed to behave a certain way. Im am still very certain i made the right choice. I do agree with the ones about having very very karge differences and the ones about potential danger tho
I can't believe how many people in the comments of these are defending these. Yes there are always exceptions, this post is not an attack on you.
How about we switch things up from all these posts about all the terrible things men do and we start posting some of the same about women? Probably not right? Didn't think so
I dated a man for 8 years on and off. I was very taken by him and did make excuses for odd behavior. Yet, when I finally moved in with him, I finally saw his true self! He had dogs and cats. There would be accidents and he would just wipe it up with a paper towel and not scrub the floor. I never went barefoot! He lived on a lake and had a holding tank for sewage. Once a month, he would use a hose to put the waste in the lake! There were sewage flies coming up the drain. Flies and mice because his attached garage was stacked to the ceiling with old trash! He laughed about a deer head that had been in his freezer for 30 years! Told me not to open the freezer in the basement! This man had serious problems to think living like this was okay. I was a fool to let him come and crash at my house in constant. I thought he just liked my place. I had frequented his place rarely and no bugs flew by me then. He did everything to clean and hide these realities from me.
Load More Replies... Well i dodged 28 of these so fingers crossed lmao. Other 2 a bit harder to do when i batch cook a deep freeze of food in 1 day so i don't have to cook for a month at a time. Also with the cleaning i am sometimes away from home for a month or longer working and dust does buildup
Picture this: he’s 40, living rent-free in his mom’s rental property, there’s dog pee all over the carpets, no hand soap in the bathrooms, he keeps his porno collection in the living room, there’s a strange odor coming out of his garbage disposal, and he has a military uniform hanging in his closet even though he got kicked out of basic training. 🤢
No sheets on the bed(like, no fitted sheet or covers of any kind), trash everywhere, sink full of dishes and dirty dishes all over the counter, dirty bathroom with beard hair everywhere, and a cat that was allowed to p**s wherever...this was one guy...
Cats are usually clean animals. I feel sorry for this kitty who was not properly care for.
Load More Replies... I am really surprised by this. If I was a woman, my red flags would be much more minor than any of these.
yeah tbh some of these are really really weird. and that's coming from a girl
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