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People Expose 40 Performative Behaviors They Can’t Stand, And It Says A Lot About Society
Masking, also called camouflaging or compensating, is when a person hides their natural self to fit in with others. Individuals can adopt the behavior subconsciously as a coping mechanism or a trauma response, or do it intentionally to avoid judgment and conflict.
To learn more about how the phenomenon manifests, Reddit user Melancholytty07 asked everyone on the platform to share the things people do that are purely performative, even though many act like they aren't. The community's responses reveal just how ordinary these acts really are.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
‘Thoughts and prayers’ posts. Just stop it. DO something or just be quiet.
Bob Brezniak 3 months ago
"Thoughts and prayers" won't bring back the people who die from gun violence every FREAKING day.
RELATED:
#2
A baby is the most precious thing on earth. Protect the life of every child! Children are a blessing! How could anyone harm a child?
Erm.. clears throat. Votes to take away free school lunch, reduced housing prices, slashes food stamps, cuts funding for transportation leaving children at risk on the way to the bus stop, removes protections for children on state health insurance.
Then they claim they never said they would pay for the child. It is the parent’s responsibility and the burden shouldn’t be on the tax payers. The parent should have considered the life it would receive before conceiving and having said “precious child”.
Performative bullcr*p that makes my blood boil.
Uncle Panda 3 months ago (edited)
This is fun. "How many orphaned babies have you *personally* adopted? None? Oh." They exit stage left very quickly.
#3
Recording any “acts of kindness”.
Earonn - 3 months ago
On the fence with this one. Yes, it might be "look at me", but it also normalises being kind. Studies show that people overestimate the level of crime and how many "bad" people are out there because that's what they see in the news and online. If we did it the other way round - promoted those who do good instead of every little fvkcker with a gun - people would tend more to do good themselves because "that's what everyone does". Also, it's a nicer news item or snippet than the latest rap*e you can't do anything about anyway.
#4
Gender reveals.
#5
Saying “ Thank you for your service.” to veterans. My veteran spouse cringes every time.
#6
Being pro-life while looking down on single mothers and voting for people who pass bills that hurt the lower class to help the uber rich.
Also, any version of “my best friend (cousin, aunt, boyfriend, wife, etc.) is black (Asian, Native American, queer, etc.).”.
#7
Red hat, USA flag shirt, bumper stickers, eg “these colors don’t run”, shouting “U-S-A!” while charging the capital building in an attempt to overthrow our democracy.
Performative patriotism.
#8
People who post themselves giving stuff to homeless people on SM. It is so exploitative.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
I hate it when they shove a camera in a homeless person's face. Some homeless people do have jobs, and a family. They may not be openly homeless. There is a conflicting mentality of pride and humiliation they're going through. Do a good deed, sure. But there's not reason to film it.
#9
Pretending they were close to someone once they die. That performative "she lit up the room and I miss her everyday" when they hadn't spoken in 30 years and only then in passing is 100% BS. They probably bullied them in high school too.
Becky Samuel 3 months ago
I know this is dark, but how come every single child that dies was 'a beautiful angel who lit up the room'? It must be a very cruel irony that none if them are unbearable little shíts.
#10
Literally everything related to being an "alpha". Everyone knows they are absolutely, embarrassingly desperate for attention, for affection. They're so deeply alone.
Luke Branwen 3 months ago
Alpha male is like alpha software: unstable, full of issues, unfit for public release.
#11
Like 95% of posts on r/advice or r/amitheasshole or r/amioverreacting or any of the other seemingly dozens of similar subs.
“My husband sent d**k pics to another woman and blew our $50,000 savings in gambling last month should I think about divorce ?”
“AITA for calling the cops on my mom after she drank an entire bottle of whiskey and threw it at my head then shot my dog and said ‘you’re next’?”
“I went out on a date with a woman and she asked me for $10,000 to bail her uncle out of a Nigerian prison and I said no. She got upset so I left the date and haven’t texted to her in 12 hours. AIO?”
…you get the point. Much of it is probably made up or heavily exaggerated because people get off on any attention they can get.
#12
Posting gym selfies with just trying to stay healthy in the caption.
#13
Performative SM posts about how wonderful their marriage is. I believe they've actually done studies on this - the more someone posts about their perfect marriage or family, it actually means the relationship is unstable.
Maleficent_Phase_698:
I have a (sad) story!
A girl I went to HS with always posts about her amazing husband and their amazing life with their kids.
Well one day I guess she got fed up and posted the truth and then deleted it 2 minutes later.
Her post was a screenshot of texts that she had sent to her deceased father’s phone. Among the “Dad I miss you” messages she would send “I’m scared of this man. He beats me worse now that you’re gone. He won’t let me get on birth control. He won’t let me work. He says that if I try to leave he’ll k**l the kids and then me. I hate him”. And then poof the post was gone.
She just has their 4th kid a few months ago. She still talks about how perfect her life is. Social media is a lie.
KatWitch57 3 months ago
Sounds as though he's controlling her posts too, and she needs help getting out of there.
#14
Bowing their head and raising their arms in the sky as they pray. It's not for their soul that they're doing this, it's to show everyone else how pious they are. You can pray silently, without any external shenanigans, but no, they have to make a show of it.
#15
Talk about how much they read or understand the bible. Tons of people do this (be it in person or on media) and it's clearly performative. I am a retired biblical scholar and professor of religious studies and, trust me, most clearly don't know the bible as well as they claim to.
Luke Branwen 3 months ago
A HUGE portion of the Bible has been lost in translation. That Leviticus verse conservatives love because it condemns homosexuality? Most probably, it actually condemns p3dophilia (says that a man shouldn't lie with a BOY, not another man). Sodoma and Gommorah weren't destroyed because of loose s3xual morals, but because they refused to care for the foreigners in need. There's originally no mention whatsoever that Maria Magdalena was a prostitute. And the list goes on.
#16
Anything on LinkedIn.
sketchthrowaway999:
LinkedIn is so fake it makes me break out in hives. The cringe is off the charts.
Luke Branwen 3 months ago
"My two-years-old son asked me for a lollipop. I sat him down and explained that nothing in life is free and it only rewards those who dedicate their life to hard work and hustle. After two weeks of doing chores in the house, I didn't buy the lollipop and told him that his feeling of a job well done should be enough reward on its own. My son burst into tears, hugged me and thanked me for setting him on the right path in life. Here's 7 ways how this story can inspire your business."
#17
Post about how selfless and charitable they are on social media.
Knobbyknees1983:
Slacktivism. Looking like you’re doing something without actually doing anything.
#18
A lot (not all), but a lot of church going folk are in it for the appearance.
Glen Ellyn 3 months ago
Ever notice how most of the congregation looks really bored during services?
#19
Pretending to be offended by language that was acceptable in the recent past. I'm thinking things like handicapped instead of disabled, homeless instead of unhoused, Black/African American instead of Person of Color (I know that POC encompasses multiple races/identities, but in common use it often just refers to black/AA), and so on.
Ronnie Beaton 3 months ago
The recent furore over the use of an apparently derogatory term for an indigenous African tribe in Mary Poppins is a prime example. That's a film made in 1964, which is based upon a series of novels first published in 1934, which are in turn set in the early 1900s. And when someone actually thought to ask members of the tribe in question if they were offended by it, the answer was a resounding no.
#20
Making people return to the office.
It is being done solely to present a certain image without adding any real value. That is how I interpret the word “performative.”
Fungus John 3 months ago (edited)
No, it is solely being done because of the billions of dollars of commercial real estate that these businesses have their money in.
#22
Humblebragging. Even when it seems natural, people still want to look as intelligent and competent as possible.
#23
Rev their motorcycles at any point when they're not in motion. It's fun and sounds cool but does nothing for the intended purpose of the bike. I say this as someone who revs it a couple times anytime I start my bike, just for fun.
#24
Prayer circles. Folks gathering around in a huddle and invoking God for victory of some kind. Common in the southern US.
The Bible explicitly says prayer is meant to kept private.
Rick Murray 3 months ago
The Bible explicitly says...no no no, you're not supposed to actually read it. You're supposed to pick certain phrases, strip them of context, then distort them to mean whatever you want them to mean to support whatever it is you're angry about today.
#25
Talking on their smartphone in the grocery store like it's a pizza slice.
chickpea me 3 months ago
Could anyone please explain why this is even a thing and why people do it? I don’t remember anyone doing this with the horn of a traditional phone where you had a button to put it on speaker so you could call hands-free or let others hear what was talked about.
#26
Weddings. It's the marriage that's important. A wedding is just an excuse for a party.
#27
I hate to say it, but sometimes DEI efforts feel performative. When companies focus more on showcasing diversity stats, like how many languages are spoken, instead of valuing people for their actual strengths, it misses the point. It ends up feeling like they’re using employees as tokens, and that does everyone a disservice.
#28
Posting a picture of themselves in the ER or hospital but with no other information whatsoever.
#29
Speaking in tongues.
radrax:
I used to think this was fake when I saw videos of it until I met my spouse. He was raised in an ultra religious household and they would "speak in tongues" at their church. Both he and his sister told me its all faking it, and they would keep doing it as kids because it got them praise.
#30
Telling people how good a person they are, always helping others, homeless, the hungry etc right up until the camera is off. After that they don´t care, No more likes to be had.
#31
Saying " no offense intended".
Narrator: Offense was, in fact, intended.
#32
Saying "I'll pray for you"
Ok, and I'll think for you.
#33
There’s a certain type of person whose favorite phrase is “I’m so weird!”. They are generally not at all weird, but they have for some reason landed on that as their preferred personality and continue to insist on it rather than letting their actions and interests speak for themselves.
#34
Posting on social media on mother's day/father's day/other holidays about how much they appreciate certain person, when that person is not even on that social media.
tiltedwater:
happy 98th birthday grandma! thanks for being the best grandma! love you!
MisfitAsAFiddle:
It means so much more to me when people send me a text on my birthday. And it’s almost hurtful when my close friends/family post on social media but DON’T call/text me directly. It’s like who is this really for?
#35
Most of Hollywood's version of "method acting."
It's a complete bastardization of anything taught in classical acting training.
The idea that you have to personally experience every physical experience that your character does is pretty much the opposite of the foundations of acting.
It's just the stupid cliché of suffering for art.
If you have to physically or psychologically t*****e yourself in order to do your job, maybe you're not good at it...
UKGrandad 3 months ago
Dustin Hoffman was once on a chat show telling all about the lengths he had gone to in order to get his character in 'The Marathon Man' just right. When he'd finished, his fellow guest, the great Sir John Gielgud, touched his arm and said 'My dear boy, why don't you try acting"?
#36
Influencers uploading a public apology.
#37
Pretend to wash their hands, it is really disgusting, running them under water for 5 seconds is not washing your hands.
Glen Ellyn 3 months ago
I call it the "splash & dash." It's a complete waste of water because they accomplished nothing!
#38
I work at a coffee shop and have customers come in who will fight over who’s paying for the drinks (like literally clambering over each other/play fighting at the register), and then they don’t leave a tip….
That grand display of generosity, and then…. Nada…
:(.
#39
Anniversary WEEK posts! Every one filled with posed pictures like the wife is posing for GQ and that hubby is some high power CEO. Neither of which are the case. So many references to how much the vacation cost without putting dollar amounts in but referring things like the Sky Lounge, our private dinner, our private pool. If it’s so private please keep it that way! Say happy anniversary on social media but honestly none of us want to look at your entire vacation.
#41
Instagrammable protest. I get the desire to be around like-minded folk when you feel powerless—and I’ve attended my share of marches and actions over the years—but the whole Let’s-make-a-clever-sign-and-hope-it-goes-viral thing is more about self-promotion than being down with the cause. The most vital work is being done far away from social media.
officialsmolkid:
Going to protests and saying they’ve done the work. If you really want change, start attending your local town hall and city council meetings. That is where the real action starts. Organizing with people locally to enact change is a better form of protest. Working with the folks you organize with to learn about your local and state government is a great way to make huge waves of change.
Margaret Wartime 3 months ago
The revolution will not be televised. The revolution will not be on social media.
#42
Post your wonderful life on social networks in general.
Stephanie Did It 3 months ago
Someone will mention an event and I'll say oh, I didn't know you did that, and the response is always, "But I posted it on Facebook! Didn't you see the 30 pictures?" No, because I shouldn't have to read it on the internet when you could have just communicated with me. Nobody talks anymore.
#43
Hating pineapple on pizza.
Ellinor she/they/elle 3 months ago
It's actually really good (especially on chicken pizza) and I'm tired of hiding it.
#44
Sharing political content on social media and acting like that makes you politically active or aware, when you've done little to nothing in your day-to-day life to make a difference.
Luke Branwen 3 months ago
I disagree. Unapologetically taking a stance in the world full of "I'm not political, both sides are equally bad ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" people is also an act of defiance. Even a social media post can do a lot - inform other people who are on the verge. Show marginalized minorities you're a safe person to be around. Show those who thrive on complacency that you refuse to be complacent.
#45
Being offended and posting about issues they have no real grasp on for the sake of virtue signaling.
#46
In my mostly suburban town, a bunch of people want to get chickens and act all farm-life but don’t do the research or proper prep and their chickens get eaten by hawks or coyotes. So then they move onto sourdough. Every. Time.
#47
Vow renewals. I know when a celebrity does it, the divorce announcement won’t be long.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 3 months ago
My parents always said they didn’t need vow renewals as they hadn’t broken any.
#48
Everything Mr Beast did/does.
#50
Posting their significant others or children and gushing about how much they love them all the time.
#51
Raising awareness - when you really whittle it down, it would’ve benefited the charity and the affected a lot more if you just didn’t do the performance of helping/raise awareness and instead just provided them directly with whatever they needed. Correcting someone to say unhoused instead of homeless does nothing. Call them the N word for all I care - HELP THEM WITH THEIR LIVING SITUATION.
#52
Saying “just my opinion” after stating something they *clearly believe to be true*.
It’s a performance of humility, not the real thing. A way to avoid accountability while still asserting a worldview. We’ve confused expressing belief with needing to soften it for social approval.
Real humility isn’t saying “just my opinion.” It’s *asking* better questions, letting go of the need to appear certain, and being willing to be transformed mid-sentence.
But most people don’t want transformation. They want applause that looks like tolerance.
#53
I work with a gal who, after she obviously sneezes, she makes a high pitched, ultra girly "achoo" noise. It drives me bananas 😅.
#54
Reddit commenters lol.
Every single one of you (including me) will dogpile the obvious “bad take” because you want to feel superior over someone else who’s worse at life than you are.
The best part is how smugly it’s done while you’re kicking someone down.
#55
Most people want emotional validation, not solutions to their problems.
#57
When people walking make a wrong turn or realize they're going the wrong way - they pull out of their phone, pretend to see something, then change direction.
Just turn around and go the right way, nobody is judging you. Like I am a little bit for the phone check, but besides that.
Firstname Lastname 3 months ago
Usually I am checking the phone to verify that I am indeed wrong on a map.
#58
Only 1 out of 10 guys actually enjoys behaving like a stag in heat. I do think most of us actually wanna be friends and work together, maybe have a friendly rivalry, instead of this backstabbing, cut throat s**t. I don't think most of us would be angry at another man winning fair and honest and getting the job or the money. But all those blenders, that get their way because of their charisma and office politics? Nope.
kansasmagic 3 months ago
Sometimes I think I missed out on something by not having a "crew" (at least, not after senior year of high school). And sometimes I think I just avoided a lot of pointless drama.
#59
Free Palestine. It's the new "thoughts and prayers." But during its peak, it had a moment of online bullying if someone didn't address what was going on and repeat "thoughts and prayers" like a sheep.
#60
One thing that always feels performative to me is when people post these long, emotional tributes to a loved one, either on their birthday or after they’ve passed, but it’s clearly more about getting attention than honoring the person. You’ll see a whole essay about how this person changed their life, paired with a filtered selfie or some dramatic photo, and it’s like... who is this really for? If it were truly about the person, you’d write them a letter, spend time with their family, or reflect privately. I’m not saying everyone who does this is faking it, but let’s not pretend some of it isn’t curated grief or affection for engagement.
#62
“Let’s go around the table and say one thing we’re thankful for.”
Robert Beveridge 3 months ago
I loved being at jobs that did this. Good creativity under pressure exercise. "I'm thankful for goat mascara!"
#63
Giant libraries full of books they haven't read that they like to show. Bonus points if they like to tell you how they just enjoy the feeling of a book in their hand and can't use libraries or eReaders.
Lady Eowyn 3 months ago
I have books I haven't read. Yet. And I do prefer actual books to ebooks.
#64
Performative activism. Like changing a profile picture “for awareness” and then never mentioning the issue again.
#65
Recycling. Although to be fair, most people think it's way more effective than it actually is.
#66
Replying with a smile and enthusiasm when someone asks you how’s it going / how are you doing. Response is always “things are good” or “im doing well!” no matter what dumpster fire you feel like your life is at the time lol.
Stephanie Did It 3 months ago
My standard response is "Still on the right side of the grass." Reactions vary.
#67
ANYTHING on Tik Tok.
#68
Veterans posting pics of themselves in uniform and/or going out to eat free meals on Veterans Day.
There's a guy I knew that I have mutual FB friends with, and he never fails to post a pic or get tagged by family every year. Maybe I'm a hater, but dude got kicked out for d***s like year 2 or 3 of his enlistment. If he had had that same pride a couple years ago, maybe he wouldn't had gotten the boot.
Johnnynatfan 3 months ago
IM a veteran and have never done this nor do I know any veterans who do this.
#69
Coughing while walking past someone who is smoking a cigarette. I will give the benefit of a doubt that sometimes the person maybe just isn't used to being near cigarette smoke, a little but gets up their nose and causes them to genuinely cough, or maybe they just happen to coincidentally cough for an unrelated reason while walking past... But there are definitely times when the cough is so obviously fake that it is clearly directed at the person smoking and is just a way of them passively aggressively saying "I do not approve of you smoking" without the actual balls to just say it.
#70
Maintaining a front grass lawn.
In most instances, houses have them and the serve no purpose other than the be there and be green. They are resource intensive, lack biodiversity and can be harmful to pollinators.
And yet, people water, mow, edge, fertilize, thatch, reseed… For what? Curb appeal? Total waste of space.
Stephanie Did It 3 months ago
I grew up thinking that the purpose of the lawn was to have a place to play, run in the sprinkler, sit outside and enjoy a cool drink and shade, visit with friends. And I still think so.
#72
Arguing over human rights issues on the internet. If we were honest about it we’d see that way too many of us do not actually care beyond the caption/hashtag/black square/whatever. There are tons of social media arguments under every controversial news headline but many of those people would consider their work finished once they leave the keyboard. Granted it’s hard out here for everyone and we generally don’t have the capacity to be passionate about everything at once, but even picking one cause and doing major work to educate and advocate is not a thing we are actually willing to do, beyond getting riled up in the comments section.
#73
Yearly performance reviews.
Rick Murray 3 months ago
Especially when your boss can't handle the fact that you don't have ambition to expand your potential because you're quite happy where you are.
#74
People pleasing tendencies!!
Acts performed for a targeted purpose while seeming as a good person.
#75
Small talks. Stop it already!
Marnie 3 months ago (edited)
I understand why some people don't like small talk. It took me a long, long time to be able to do it to some level of competence. But if you don't actually understand the purpose and what it accomplishes, then you're ignorant, immature, stupid, or just unthinking. You don't have to like it, but there is no reason to not be able to understand its purpose unless you're intellectually challenged. I am almost starting to think that complaining about small talk is itself a purely performative thing.
#76
This is going to get people mad at me but: land acknowledgements. I don't mean in speeches, I mean the signs. What does this accomplish? Does it give land back? Money? Does it have any actual purpose other than virtue signaling that you know that Native Americans/American Indigenous people used to live on the land where your favorite bar is now?
If it actually served a purpose, I'd be fine with it. But it doesn't, so stop it.
Michael Largey 3 months ago
If it gives people a better sense of local history, that might lead to some small progress toward justice. But not something to be counted on, of course, and not just by itself.
#77
When anyone with long hair walks and their ponytail is dramatically swishing back and forth. Girl, you doing that on purpose.
#78
Studying at a cafe instagram stories.
#81
Straight girls grinding on each other at the club.
UKGrandad 3 months ago (edited)
Because they feel safer dancing that way with each other than with men who can't tell tell the difference between a dance and an invitation to grope her on the dance floor and carry it on when the music stops. Don't forget, too many men think that buying a woman a drink is transactional, what are they going to expect once a dance has caused their dícks to get excited?
#82
For *most people*, putting on makeup.
They act like it's self care and self-expression, which it may be.
But who's putting it on when they're not going out and no one is going to see it and/or they aren't going to take a picture for social media? Hardly anyone.
#84
Saying hello how are you and good thanks how are you feels performative to me. I don't think most people care how you're actually doing.
Marnie 3 months ago (edited)
It's not performative. It's just that the communication is more (and less) than the words. It's more along the lines of "I see you, John, and observe that you are in the same physical location that I am in. I acknowledge that I know you and wish for you to know that I don't have any desire to shun you at this time. I offer this meaningless query about your well-being as a token gesture to indicate to you all these things and that if you would like, we could continue conversing with each other as time permits. You are also free to indicate your desire or lack thereof to shun me, or your willingness to continue on to a more meaningful conversation, based on your facial expression, body language, and tone of voice in which you respond with, 'Doing okay'".
#85
In my family, sending cards for holidays or birthdays.
Usually it's just signed with their name.
#86
Saying bless you, etc after someone sneeze's. It's purely performative but people act like it required for proper manners.
Lady Eowyn 3 months ago
I see nothing wrong with this. It's a custom dating back to time people thought that a demon could enter your body when you sneezed.
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What do you think ?
kansasmagic 3 months ago
When you read Nietzsche and La Rochefoucald at sixteen - on top of just being sixteen - nearly everything that people do starts to look performative. Well, everything that *other people* do. I of course was deep, profound, and authentic.
Drop Bear from Hell 3 months ago
Influencers.......of every kind.........as soon as they open their mouths.
kansasmagic 3 months ago
When you read Nietzsche and La Rochefoucald at sixteen - on top of just being sixteen - nearly everything that people do starts to look performative. Well, everything that *other people* do. I of course was deep, profound, and authentic.
Drop Bear from Hell 3 months ago
Influencers.......of every kind.........as soon as they open their mouths.
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