“What Do You Mean I’m Adopted?”: Student Embarrasses Teacher For Making Assumptions
It can be pretty annoying when someone starts to make assumptions about who you are as a person when, in fact, they just know a tiny bit about you. So sometimes, a particularly petty person might decide to take revenge.
A high schooler wondered if they went too far when they decided to pretend not knowing they were adopted to embarrass a substitute teacher. This devolved into a semantic debate, as OP had two fathers, which led to the teacher’s assumption in the first place. Netizens discussed who really was the jerk and talked terms with OP themselves.
Sometimes people make assumptions without actually knowing anything about you
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A teen decided to embarrass a teacher who thought they were adopted
Image credits: Thirdman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Disastrous_Front_725
It can be hard to debate if both parties don’t agree on terms
This story ends up being quite complicated, as both OP and some commenters skipped over the “AITA?” question and dived right into feelings, assumptions, and semantics. After all, on a purely technical level, OP’s fathers did have to adopt them. This is why many commenters suggested that OP was in the wrong, as the substitute was technically correct, albeit without actually understanding why.
On the other hand, OP doesn’t see it the same way. They believe that, due to using one of the father’s sisters as a surrogate, they are biologically close enough to skip over the labels. This is an interesting case, as it very effectively demonstrates why any debate has to start with both parties defining their terms.
This is what might be the real cause of some folks seeing OP as the jerk. The substitute teacher may have been embarrassed, particularly when OP drove the point home. However, she perhaps didn’t actually understand why she was wrong, as by more conventional definitions, OP was legally adopted, later in life, by at least one of her fathers.
OP has probably heard statements like this hundreds of times
Image credits: Chrysostomos Galathris / Pexels (not the actual photo)
While it’s no doubt annoying to have someone assume that they know something about you, perhaps OP was slightly too harsh with the substitute teacher. After all, this person hardly knows OP and was just trying to make a quick example. Instead, she ended up being embarrassed in front of the class for what was in all likelihood an honest mistake.
On the other hand, it’s easy to sympathize with OP as well. It would appear that they have had a lot of experiences with folks making all manner of assumptions about their parents, and they might be sick and tired of correcting people. OP’s response to the teacher and their general defensiveness in the comments (some of which can be found below) could be a result of them hearing these sorts of statements constantly. So the substitute teacher made one comment, but OP’s “outburst” was the result of a lifetime of these experiences.
Not every hill is worth dying on
Image credits: Max Fischer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The issue with “AITA” style questions is that it tends to put people in the mindset that there has to be at least one jerk. This is somewhat limiting, since not every situation actually has a villain. Sometimes it might be healthier to just accept that sometimes there are misconceptions and flared emotions and it might be best to move on.
After all, “proving” to OP that they were “adopted” won’t exactly achieve anything and, similarly, OP convincing the hundreds of commenters to change their own, internal definition of “adoption” will also just be a waste of time. “Live and let live” might, ultimately, be the best-case scenario for all involved.
Some thought OP was in the right
But others believed that they went too far or that the entire situation was just a misunderstanding
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The YTA or ESH crowd are wild. What made the teacher assume that anybody/everybody else in the class even knew about the OP’s home life? I had friends growing up whose parents were divorced, who had one or two dead parents, etc. they didn’t broadcast it and plenty of other kids didn’t know those details, because it was their private life. I don’t doubt th ere we’re plenty of other kids in the class who I wasn’t friends with and whose private family situations were similarly complicated.
Even if everybody knew, teachers are in breach of privacy laws when blurting such things out loud.
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Definitely NTA. The sub was way out of line, students' homelife shouldn't be broadcast to the whole class anyway but there are so many ways this could have backfired. Also what in the trauma-inducing hell is with suggesting one student write about their sibling having cancer? If any teacher had suggested I write about my sibling's battle with an eating disorder, they'd have had a weeping puddle of Dodo to deal with. Teacher needs some common sense and basic empathy.
This is what I was going to point out. That in the responses they mention the other 'examples' that this "teacher" came out with... To the whole class... No. NTA. Clearly. Honestly, this so called teacher needs a serious talking to about boundaries and privacy
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I teach English in public school in Japan. When we study family (mom, dad, etc) in elementary school, we don’t use the student’s families for any of the examples or activities. No drawing your family’s picture than saying who each person is. Family dynamics/structure is something people should choose to share, not be forced to share.
The YTA or ESH crowd are wild. What made the teacher assume that anybody/everybody else in the class even knew about the OP’s home life? I had friends growing up whose parents were divorced, who had one or two dead parents, etc. they didn’t broadcast it and plenty of other kids didn’t know those details, because it was their private life. I don’t doubt th ere we’re plenty of other kids in the class who I wasn’t friends with and whose private family situations were similarly complicated.
Even if everybody knew, teachers are in breach of privacy laws when blurting such things out loud.
Load More Replies... Definitely NTA. The sub was way out of line, students' homelife shouldn't be broadcast to the whole class anyway but there are so many ways this could have backfired. Also what in the trauma-inducing hell is with suggesting one student write about their sibling having cancer? If any teacher had suggested I write about my sibling's battle with an eating disorder, they'd have had a weeping puddle of Dodo to deal with. Teacher needs some common sense and basic empathy.
This is what I was going to point out. That in the responses they mention the other 'examples' that this "teacher" came out with... To the whole class... No. NTA. Clearly. Honestly, this so called teacher needs a serious talking to about boundaries and privacy
Load More Replies... I teach English in public school in Japan. When we study family (mom, dad, etc) in elementary school, we don’t use the student’s families for any of the examples or activities. No drawing your family’s picture than saying who each person is. Family dynamics/structure is something people should choose to share, not be forced to share.
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