“Her Or The Cat”: Man Asks For Advice After Wife Who Went Through Stillbirth Refuses To Allow His Beloved Pet Back In The House
In life, there are situations where there are no clear answers. One of the things you can do when you feel completely lost is to ask the internet for help, hoping that someone will give you a completely new perspective or share a piece of advice that will suddenly make everything make sense. Many redditors turn to the AITA online community for a verdict about difficult and emotional situations.
Recently, redditor u/Clerxudehuntemu asked for the subreddit’s opinion about whether he was wrong to want to bring back his 12-year-old cat, Bubba, to live with him. His wife, who had a late stillbirth, was set against having Bubba back, and they had a fight. You’ll find the redditor’s full story, and how the internet reacted to it, below.
This topic is extremely sensitive and some of you Pandas may find reading about it difficult. Bored Panda has reached out to u/Clerxudehuntemu via Reddit for comment.
Having to give your beloved pet away is a difficult decision
Image credits: Chewy (not the actual photo)
A man shared how he and his wife argued over bringing his cat, Bubba, back home after a tragedy in their family
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Clerxudehuntemu
Our pets are our best friends, through thick and thin. It’s unimaginable that we’d someday have to give them up, voluntarily. The only reason might be for the sake of someone we love with all of our heart, as in the case of u/Clerxudehuntemu. He gave Bubba the cat away to his parents when his wife asked him to do so after getting pregnant.
“Bubba is extremely affectionate to me—so sweet and cuddly. He tolerates my wife, but is not affectionate towards her. To strangers, he is not nice. He has never bitten or scratched anyone, but he does a lot of hissing and yowling at people he is unfamiliar with. My wife was afraid that he’d scare the baby, he wouldn’t be welcoming to a newborn, or that he’d hurt her. I argued gently, but eventually acquiesced,” the author of the post explained.
“Tragically, my wife and I lost our child just weeks before she was due. We still don’t have a lot of answers, and it’s painful to get into. We mourned. We were inconsolable for weeks. I still cannot think about it without feeling complete agony and loss. After a month, we returned to some level of normalcy—as normal as things could be, anyway. We’ve started to explore adoption.”
The adoption process takes a long time. So, the redditor wanted to bring his pet back home during that period of time. “I missed him. He’s been my best friend for years, he’s been my loyal companion my entire adult life.” However, his wife was firmly set against this and they had an explosive argument. This prompted the OP to ask the AITA community for their advice. He wasn’t sure whether or not he was wrong to want his cat back home, even though he’d obviously choose his wife if he was ever forced to pick between the two of them.
The AITA subreddit was very supportive of the OP, and tried to be as sensitive as possible about the married couple’s situation. Some redditors suggested that his wife is likely still grieving, and she still needs time to process what happened.
Everyone grieves differently. And we cannot expect everyone to grieve at the same pace. This is what psychotherapist Silva Neves explained to Bored Panda during an earlier interview.
“Some grieve with a lot of crying and others grieve with being practical, and anything else in between. Not seeing any tears does not mean that people are not grieving. The process lasts as long as it needs to last, there is no time limit. Usually, grieving diminishes over time, which means that people become less and less upset over time, but some people will never ‘recover’ from grieving, especially those who lost a very important person. Most people learn to live with grief and sadness. Significant dates, such as anniversaries, may always be painful,” he said.
“Although there are some common knowledge about grief, such as ‘stages of grief’, a lot of people don’t follow ‘stages’ of grief because grief can be messy and unpredictable. The best way to support someone who is grieving is by sitting with them, listening to them and that’s it,” the psychotherapist noted.
“It is also important not to tell people ‘I know how you feel’ because grieving is so unique, nobody can know what another person’s grieving feels like, but perhaps we can imagine how painful it is. A lot of people get a lot of support with grief at the beginning of the loss, but often people stop talking about after a while,” the expert told Bored Panda earlier.
“Grieving people usually do appreciate their friends asking about it, even a year later or two years later. Don’t be afraid to ask the question, ‘How are you?’ and allow the grieving person to speak. Ask them for what they need but don’t assume what they need. Sometimes a grieving person might need a hug, but sometimes they may need to sit in silence. Sometimes they may need to be distracted with something else, other times they may want to talk about their pain.”
The cat owner shared some more details in the comments of his post
Here’s what some internet users had to say about everything that happened
wife is TA, never trust person who want to get rid of partner's pet.
The cat didn’t like her, just tolerated her, so OP should’ve taken note of that red flag from the get-go. Animals are often better judges of character than humans. Not to mention that a person who is kind to animals, and who animals like back, will also be kind to humans. Barring severe allergies—-and there are medications to mitigate a lot of that for allergic animal lovers—-I see no reason why someone would force a partner to give up a pet, except for being a dyed in the wool a*****e.
Cats are even better indicators than dogs are, I think. Dogs have been domesticated longer, and are geared to like humans. They're more willing to give them the benefit of a doubt. Cats are the opposite. You have to earn their trust with empathy and understanding. You have to be someone who can love while still allowing a creature to have boundaries and agency. If a cat likes you, especially one who knows you really well, then chances are you're a decent human being.
Hell yes. My old man and his mistress lived in the "plant" (where a major part of the business taking place, don't want to go for details). One day mom went there with us. Workers saw the dog barking aggressively at the mistress and being completely obedient to my mom. That woman was living at the same place as the dog and saw each other everyday at least for months. Mom and the dog met each other for the first time in their lives. Workers then mocked "even the dogs knew who the true boss was" lmfao
No. Kathryn, Just no. That's internet meme-ing, not reality. Despite being someone who has VERY frequently been told, "Wow.... he normally doesn't like strangers," some breeds are very prone to jealousy and devotion to one person. Also, from their past history, pets can hate someone who reminds them of someone else or who is simply very unfamiliar-seeing: they could hate beards, or long hair, or short hair, or a certain smell, or yes, race. OP was clear this cat liked no strangers.
Someone who lived in his house for 10 years is no longer a stranger to the cat. He was clearly picking up her energy.
Ron was not toxic just because he didn't get along with Crookshank.
Ron didn't demand Crookshanks be banished from the house either. And both he and Crookshanks are fictional
FFS, so is ginny weasley! Why am I arguing with a fictional character!
Crookshanks never disliked Ron, she hated Peter Petigrew who was still hiding as Scabbers. Once Peter was outed and gone Ron and Crookshanks got along perfectly - Ron even asked her to verify that his new owl was in fact an owl and was satisfied when Crookshanks sniffed and approved of her. Also they are totally fictional.
Crookshanks was half-Kneazle. He's made up. Drop discussing Crookshanks, and stop further disneyfication of other animals, all of you! Please?!!
Yes. Bruno, just yes. It’s not “internet meme-ing”. I am 62 years old and have had cats as pets my entire life. I have seen my cats pass correct judgement on people who I thought were my friends, and who turned out not to be. That correct judgement was also passed on people who turned out to be the best people in my life—-I married my husband because my two cats at the time immediately took to him and he to them. Every animal I’ve rescued (just cannot pass them by, you know) in the last almost 22 years has taken to him too.
Sooo, Your cat chose Your husband to be, Kathryn? Congrats! - I would be married to by now too, if same. My Boyfriend likes to cook bacon with Cat benefits too..
Also, some people are just uncomfortable around cats. Some cats cat sometimes see such a person as not trying too hard and actually LIKE such a person... but not always.
Wow. Cats just don’t like you, do they?
@the return of Bruno: Lol, this is me. I'm a dog person, but other people's cats like me for some reason. The more indifferent I am to the the cats the more attention they give me. I like it but I pretend to just tolerate it so the cats keep snuggling me. 😁
I feel ya. I'm a cat person and have that same experience with dogs. Now I live with 3 cats and a dog.
I've been having cats for 23 years. And i agree with You, the Return of Bruno. My first cat was very jealous, if I had people over, and actually sometimes rather misbehaved if i had company. She tolerated, and even liked some of my closer relatives, but she never warmed up to them 100 %. To me, she was a very caring, and loving cat until her death at 15 years old. My latest cat, now 9 years old, loves everybody, even those who actually doesn't like him/cats at all, because they tend not to look him straight in the eyes. Cats often doesn't like to be stared directly in the eyes, it's an act of agression in their view, and people who doesn't like cats sometimes go out of their way not to acknowledge his presence. He loves that!
Return of Bruno...Finally someone sane in the comments
My cat ignored my mom and loved my step dad. My step dad barely tolerated the cat. There is no reason to assume this woman, who the cat never liked because cats have personalities, is an a*****e or had red flags because the cat didn't like her. It was cruel to force the OP to get rid of the cat. It's cruel not to let the cat come back. But she's not a bad person because the cat didn't like her.
I agree PKMN. This is not a cat hater problem at all, I beleive though. The woman lived peacefully with the cat before. It's a "we don't talk about our feelings" problem. They just found out she probably couldn't have children in a safe way. She is probrably totally destroyed, and mentally wounded, by that knowledge and ordeal, and she probably thinks he is going back to the old reality to fast as if he never cared for having a child with her at all. - Some people, even some long time animalowners, it seems, have an extraordinary disney/magical feeling about their pets, and find them extra ordinary.. Kind of sweet, but not very healthy in the long run.
She’s lived with his car 10 years. She’s definitely being the AH. it’s absolutely cruel. It’s like she’s torturing him because things with a child aren’t working out for them. Somehow it’s made her have resentment towards him and his pet. Because he finds comfort with his pet and she wants him to be upset like her. Going through a miscarriage is awful, I know , but you shouldn’t Become passive aggressive with your partner because of it.
...unless it is because they are deadly allergic to the little fellow. Most people who wants their partner to get rid of pet does not have a proper understanding of the bond that you can devellop with an animal. It is at the level just below having to send away your child. So you have to have a really good reason why it is the only option - and "I don't like the cat" is not a good reason. When adopting a pet you commit to care for it for the rest of its life, like if it was a marriage, and a new partner shouldn't have to break that bond.
@Jon Steensen: I completely agree. When you enter a relationship with a person their pet is part of the deal, and should be considered a permanent family member. If a person cannot accept this then they shouldn't form a partnership with a committed pet owner.
If a beloved house pet can be so easily given away after 12 years of devotion, why do they think either of them would be a good parent? They sound like s****y, materialistic people who value what they want when they want it and anything that doesn't fit that narrative gets tossed to the curb. I wouldn't want to be around these people. They sound gross on all accounts. Do they know what love is? Do they know what sacrifice is? Do they know what commitment is? Nope, nope and no. What are these two even doing married? Playing house? Just wanted to do what everybody else has done throughout history and have a big expensive party with an expensive ring and dress...it shows. She doesn't respect him and he doesn't respect himself. Does your wife have a gold gilded pussy? No? Then what are you doing putting up with ultimatums and why do you have a dictator for a partner? She was dictating before the baby came and dictating after the baby was gone. The "wife" needs to go. Choose the cat.
Agreed
There's no A here. They both just went through a trauma and I don't think you can judge either one.
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Pet owners are a hilariously ridiculous breed. You know in some cultures that cat would've been dinner a long time ago and the argument of whether or not to value the companionship of an animal over your grieving human partner would be the subject of ridicule. Sign of the times I guess... Get a life, make real human connections with people you respect and care about. If you cared about your partner's feelings at all this wouldn't be a public discussion. What a loser! Same goes for everyone arguing for the fu**ing cat while putting down the woman who just experienced what is probably the worst experience of her life. What sh*t humans you people are!
You completely missed the pitch on this. HER REJECTION of his companion came before the pregnancy, OR or the loss. She didn't care that he had a bond with another being that made him happy, *SHE* felt left out of the bond and jealous. THAT is very pathetic. Do you think she would have been able to say something like, 'well your friend George you had since before we met doesn't care for me, so either he never comes to visit us again or I'm out'. When you love someone you DON'T MAKE THEM GIVE UP SOMETHING THEY LOVE that is cauding you no inconvenience just becsuse you don't like it. The cat was there before she was, and should have stayed and never left. OP WAS A FOOL to begin with, to let her manipulate having a baby into her pissyness and excuse to unhome the living creature with feelings, the cat.
David since clearly you have no pets (ie dinner reference) and I’m guessing not a woman. She’s lived with the cat 10 years. From a psychological perspective, this is not about the cat.
If ANYONE goes the route "it's the cat* or me" they'd be out the door before they even finish the sentence (*or any pet)
Reminds of a cartoon years ago. "Pickles" I think. Two women are talking. The 1st one asks the 2nd why she named her cat "Yougo". The 2nd replies bc that's what she said when a guy said 'either the cat goes or I go'. Yougo. I love that cartoon, but my copy disintegrated a while ago
I will always choose the cat; they don't make ultimatums
Preach! He needs to get the car back and ditch her.
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Yeah I keep my dead fish in the freezer because he was given to me by my parents and that meant a lot to me, and when a woman I was dating said either get rid of the fish or her, I kept them both, you just gotta talk calmly and find common ground and when that fails get a bigger freezer so they can spend time together and accept each other
FlatEarf: aw, you're so sentimental
Thank you for seeing it in a positive light
Why waste the electricity? Or risk a loss during the first long power outtage? Or even a maliciously unplugged freezer? Taxidermy is an option
Or just bury the poor thing. I could never imagine keeping something I loved dead in my freezer
... never accept a person who hates your nonhuman friends. Who are EASILY above any human friends. Whatever gets far enough to be "the cat or XY" - I don't even wait to hear out what exactly XY is. XY can fück itself. To death, back, again to death and even beyond. Cat is a given, has her forever home beside me, no matter what. Wife? Children? Not awaited anytime soon, or at all tbh, but none of them would succeed in decatting me, or deDCing my cat.
I think a person that forces you to choose between him/her and your pet, sooner or later will force you to choose between him/her and your family, or whatever they choose. I don't think this is about the cat, really. It's about jealousy and power. It's emotional blackmail... if you yield, the first time, you are f****d, because jealous people always find good reasons to hate. In my case, it would be very clear: the pet stays, you, please go away as soon as possible.
This exactly. HER insecurity and inability to share. Someone like this eould get jealous of their own baby if the OP grew to be extremely close to it.
(To DC:) Your love for your cat is admirable, and OP's wife is TA, but seriously never have children if you would put your cat above your children. 😅 Just don't even consider it. To clarify, I don't think cats are a threat to children at all, and we have 2 cats that we love. Just not to the extent that we love our child.
But he didn't put his cat baove anyone?? He even gave away his beloved "family" to his parents, bcs of his baby. Even though his baby and the cat would have no f*****g problems living together anyway, especially when the cat is older, th3y just sleep all day, eat and poop, tgey dont bother qnyone. And cats sometimes are even very protective of the familys baby or toddler. Kicking out th3 cat was heartless. There was absolutely no reason. How hurt must the cat be, separated from his home. And you know, cats are alittle different from humans, they dont get used to new environments that easily, even though my big cat doesn't really like mex she still waits for me to get home, when im out for few days(family visit every month) sitting in the corridor and watching thr door, my husband filmed thid many times, i wa s suprized to see this, bcs she doesn't really like me. But she is still used to me being around, and that is stressfull for a cat, bcs the human that is always around is not there
I was replying to DC's comment about prioritizing their cat over hypothetical children, not saying that the cat in the reddit post should have been sent away. They definitely did not need to re-home poor Bubba.
Do the parents live close? Could he visit the cat? If the parents don't live close, maybe he could set it up where he could visit the cat and parents by Zoom, Facetime, FaceBook Messenger, etc.
I understand x but there is absolutely no reason to do that. Kicking out a cat after 15years is like kicking out your child! A cat has usually has a very strong bond with the humna they chose, and kicking it out when its this old is just coldhearted, no matter what a person hoes trrouth. If she jealous of her husband and feels lonely bcs she lost a baby, she cwn get herself a baby cat, one that likes her, so she wont feel left alone at home and will have someone who she can care, would also be alittle distracting her from her misery.
When my husband was deployed, our dog loved video calls. Our cat loves seeing our now adult children when they video call. Pets do benefit from this.
Cats don't zoom!!!
but cats get the zoomies
wife is TA, never trust person who want to get rid of partner's pet.
The cat didn’t like her, just tolerated her, so OP should’ve taken note of that red flag from the get-go. Animals are often better judges of character than humans. Not to mention that a person who is kind to animals, and who animals like back, will also be kind to humans. Barring severe allergies—-and there are medications to mitigate a lot of that for allergic animal lovers—-I see no reason why someone would force a partner to give up a pet, except for being a dyed in the wool a*****e.
Cats are even better indicators than dogs are, I think. Dogs have been domesticated longer, and are geared to like humans. They're more willing to give them the benefit of a doubt. Cats are the opposite. You have to earn their trust with empathy and understanding. You have to be someone who can love while still allowing a creature to have boundaries and agency. If a cat likes you, especially one who knows you really well, then chances are you're a decent human being.
Hell yes. My old man and his mistress lived in the "plant" (where a major part of the business taking place, don't want to go for details). One day mom went there with us. Workers saw the dog barking aggressively at the mistress and being completely obedient to my mom. That woman was living at the same place as the dog and saw each other everyday at least for months. Mom and the dog met each other for the first time in their lives. Workers then mocked "even the dogs knew who the true boss was" lmfao
No. Kathryn, Just no. That's internet meme-ing, not reality. Despite being someone who has VERY frequently been told, "Wow.... he normally doesn't like strangers," some breeds are very prone to jealousy and devotion to one person. Also, from their past history, pets can hate someone who reminds them of someone else or who is simply very unfamiliar-seeing: they could hate beards, or long hair, or short hair, or a certain smell, or yes, race. OP was clear this cat liked no strangers.
Someone who lived in his house for 10 years is no longer a stranger to the cat. He was clearly picking up her energy.
Ron was not toxic just because he didn't get along with Crookshank.
Ron didn't demand Crookshanks be banished from the house either. And both he and Crookshanks are fictional
FFS, so is ginny weasley! Why am I arguing with a fictional character!
Crookshanks never disliked Ron, she hated Peter Petigrew who was still hiding as Scabbers. Once Peter was outed and gone Ron and Crookshanks got along perfectly - Ron even asked her to verify that his new owl was in fact an owl and was satisfied when Crookshanks sniffed and approved of her. Also they are totally fictional.
Crookshanks was half-Kneazle. He's made up. Drop discussing Crookshanks, and stop further disneyfication of other animals, all of you! Please?!!
Yes. Bruno, just yes. It’s not “internet meme-ing”. I am 62 years old and have had cats as pets my entire life. I have seen my cats pass correct judgement on people who I thought were my friends, and who turned out not to be. That correct judgement was also passed on people who turned out to be the best people in my life—-I married my husband because my two cats at the time immediately took to him and he to them. Every animal I’ve rescued (just cannot pass them by, you know) in the last almost 22 years has taken to him too.
Sooo, Your cat chose Your husband to be, Kathryn? Congrats! - I would be married to by now too, if same. My Boyfriend likes to cook bacon with Cat benefits too..
Also, some people are just uncomfortable around cats. Some cats cat sometimes see such a person as not trying too hard and actually LIKE such a person... but not always.
Wow. Cats just don’t like you, do they?
@the return of Bruno: Lol, this is me. I'm a dog person, but other people's cats like me for some reason. The more indifferent I am to the the cats the more attention they give me. I like it but I pretend to just tolerate it so the cats keep snuggling me. 😁
I feel ya. I'm a cat person and have that same experience with dogs. Now I live with 3 cats and a dog.
I've been having cats for 23 years. And i agree with You, the Return of Bruno. My first cat was very jealous, if I had people over, and actually sometimes rather misbehaved if i had company. She tolerated, and even liked some of my closer relatives, but she never warmed up to them 100 %. To me, she was a very caring, and loving cat until her death at 15 years old. My latest cat, now 9 years old, loves everybody, even those who actually doesn't like him/cats at all, because they tend not to look him straight in the eyes. Cats often doesn't like to be stared directly in the eyes, it's an act of agression in their view, and people who doesn't like cats sometimes go out of their way not to acknowledge his presence. He loves that!
Return of Bruno...Finally someone sane in the comments
My cat ignored my mom and loved my step dad. My step dad barely tolerated the cat. There is no reason to assume this woman, who the cat never liked because cats have personalities, is an a*****e or had red flags because the cat didn't like her. It was cruel to force the OP to get rid of the cat. It's cruel not to let the cat come back. But she's not a bad person because the cat didn't like her.
I agree PKMN. This is not a cat hater problem at all, I beleive though. The woman lived peacefully with the cat before. It's a "we don't talk about our feelings" problem. They just found out she probably couldn't have children in a safe way. She is probrably totally destroyed, and mentally wounded, by that knowledge and ordeal, and she probably thinks he is going back to the old reality to fast as if he never cared for having a child with her at all. - Some people, even some long time animalowners, it seems, have an extraordinary disney/magical feeling about their pets, and find them extra ordinary.. Kind of sweet, but not very healthy in the long run.
She’s lived with his car 10 years. She’s definitely being the AH. it’s absolutely cruel. It’s like she’s torturing him because things with a child aren’t working out for them. Somehow it’s made her have resentment towards him and his pet. Because he finds comfort with his pet and she wants him to be upset like her. Going through a miscarriage is awful, I know , but you shouldn’t Become passive aggressive with your partner because of it.
...unless it is because they are deadly allergic to the little fellow. Most people who wants their partner to get rid of pet does not have a proper understanding of the bond that you can devellop with an animal. It is at the level just below having to send away your child. So you have to have a really good reason why it is the only option - and "I don't like the cat" is not a good reason. When adopting a pet you commit to care for it for the rest of its life, like if it was a marriage, and a new partner shouldn't have to break that bond.
@Jon Steensen: I completely agree. When you enter a relationship with a person their pet is part of the deal, and should be considered a permanent family member. If a person cannot accept this then they shouldn't form a partnership with a committed pet owner.
If a beloved house pet can be so easily given away after 12 years of devotion, why do they think either of them would be a good parent? They sound like s****y, materialistic people who value what they want when they want it and anything that doesn't fit that narrative gets tossed to the curb. I wouldn't want to be around these people. They sound gross on all accounts. Do they know what love is? Do they know what sacrifice is? Do they know what commitment is? Nope, nope and no. What are these two even doing married? Playing house? Just wanted to do what everybody else has done throughout history and have a big expensive party with an expensive ring and dress...it shows. She doesn't respect him and he doesn't respect himself. Does your wife have a gold gilded pussy? No? Then what are you doing putting up with ultimatums and why do you have a dictator for a partner? She was dictating before the baby came and dictating after the baby was gone. The "wife" needs to go. Choose the cat.
Agreed
There's no A here. They both just went through a trauma and I don't think you can judge either one.
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Pet owners are a hilariously ridiculous breed. You know in some cultures that cat would've been dinner a long time ago and the argument of whether or not to value the companionship of an animal over your grieving human partner would be the subject of ridicule. Sign of the times I guess... Get a life, make real human connections with people you respect and care about. If you cared about your partner's feelings at all this wouldn't be a public discussion. What a loser! Same goes for everyone arguing for the fu**ing cat while putting down the woman who just experienced what is probably the worst experience of her life. What sh*t humans you people are!
You completely missed the pitch on this. HER REJECTION of his companion came before the pregnancy, OR or the loss. She didn't care that he had a bond with another being that made him happy, *SHE* felt left out of the bond and jealous. THAT is very pathetic. Do you think she would have been able to say something like, 'well your friend George you had since before we met doesn't care for me, so either he never comes to visit us again or I'm out'. When you love someone you DON'T MAKE THEM GIVE UP SOMETHING THEY LOVE that is cauding you no inconvenience just becsuse you don't like it. The cat was there before she was, and should have stayed and never left. OP WAS A FOOL to begin with, to let her manipulate having a baby into her pissyness and excuse to unhome the living creature with feelings, the cat.
David since clearly you have no pets (ie dinner reference) and I’m guessing not a woman. She’s lived with the cat 10 years. From a psychological perspective, this is not about the cat.
If ANYONE goes the route "it's the cat* or me" they'd be out the door before they even finish the sentence (*or any pet)
Reminds of a cartoon years ago. "Pickles" I think. Two women are talking. The 1st one asks the 2nd why she named her cat "Yougo". The 2nd replies bc that's what she said when a guy said 'either the cat goes or I go'. Yougo. I love that cartoon, but my copy disintegrated a while ago
I will always choose the cat; they don't make ultimatums
Preach! He needs to get the car back and ditch her.
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Yeah I keep my dead fish in the freezer because he was given to me by my parents and that meant a lot to me, and when a woman I was dating said either get rid of the fish or her, I kept them both, you just gotta talk calmly and find common ground and when that fails get a bigger freezer so they can spend time together and accept each other
FlatEarf: aw, you're so sentimental
Thank you for seeing it in a positive light
Why waste the electricity? Or risk a loss during the first long power outtage? Or even a maliciously unplugged freezer? Taxidermy is an option
Or just bury the poor thing. I could never imagine keeping something I loved dead in my freezer
... never accept a person who hates your nonhuman friends. Who are EASILY above any human friends. Whatever gets far enough to be "the cat or XY" - I don't even wait to hear out what exactly XY is. XY can fück itself. To death, back, again to death and even beyond. Cat is a given, has her forever home beside me, no matter what. Wife? Children? Not awaited anytime soon, or at all tbh, but none of them would succeed in decatting me, or deDCing my cat.
I think a person that forces you to choose between him/her and your pet, sooner or later will force you to choose between him/her and your family, or whatever they choose. I don't think this is about the cat, really. It's about jealousy and power. It's emotional blackmail... if you yield, the first time, you are f****d, because jealous people always find good reasons to hate. In my case, it would be very clear: the pet stays, you, please go away as soon as possible.
This exactly. HER insecurity and inability to share. Someone like this eould get jealous of their own baby if the OP grew to be extremely close to it.
(To DC:) Your love for your cat is admirable, and OP's wife is TA, but seriously never have children if you would put your cat above your children. 😅 Just don't even consider it. To clarify, I don't think cats are a threat to children at all, and we have 2 cats that we love. Just not to the extent that we love our child.
But he didn't put his cat baove anyone?? He even gave away his beloved "family" to his parents, bcs of his baby. Even though his baby and the cat would have no f*****g problems living together anyway, especially when the cat is older, th3y just sleep all day, eat and poop, tgey dont bother qnyone. And cats sometimes are even very protective of the familys baby or toddler. Kicking out th3 cat was heartless. There was absolutely no reason. How hurt must the cat be, separated from his home. And you know, cats are alittle different from humans, they dont get used to new environments that easily, even though my big cat doesn't really like mex she still waits for me to get home, when im out for few days(family visit every month) sitting in the corridor and watching thr door, my husband filmed thid many times, i wa s suprized to see this, bcs she doesn't really like me. But she is still used to me being around, and that is stressfull for a cat, bcs the human that is always around is not there
I was replying to DC's comment about prioritizing their cat over hypothetical children, not saying that the cat in the reddit post should have been sent away. They definitely did not need to re-home poor Bubba.
Do the parents live close? Could he visit the cat? If the parents don't live close, maybe he could set it up where he could visit the cat and parents by Zoom, Facetime, FaceBook Messenger, etc.
I understand x but there is absolutely no reason to do that. Kicking out a cat after 15years is like kicking out your child! A cat has usually has a very strong bond with the humna they chose, and kicking it out when its this old is just coldhearted, no matter what a person hoes trrouth. If she jealous of her husband and feels lonely bcs she lost a baby, she cwn get herself a baby cat, one that likes her, so she wont feel left alone at home and will have someone who she can care, would also be alittle distracting her from her misery.
When my husband was deployed, our dog loved video calls. Our cat loves seeing our now adult children when they video call. Pets do benefit from this.
Cats don't zoom!!!
but cats get the zoomies