“Discuss Living Arrangements With The Father”: Parents Kick Out 19YO Who’s Pregnant For The 2nd Time
Different people have various opinions about the so-called “parent-child problem.” Some say that there is a critical difference in how different generations perceive life. Some people think that these are just isolated cases, and there is no general trend here.
Well, we’ve actually gathered here now not to discuss social issues in contemporary society, but simply to get acquainted with this story from the user u/Exact_Meet6470, whose daughter recently gave her mother a real surprise.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a 19 Y.O. daughter who gave birth to her first baby 4 years ago
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
The new mom quit high school, found a part-time job and has been living with her parents since
Image credits: u/Exact_Meet6470
However, recently the girl told her parents she’s pregnant again – and the dad is that very same dude!
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Exact_Meet6470
The parents refused to house them this time – and the daughter bashed them for doing so
Image credits: George Chambers (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Exact_Meet6470
The author’s in-laws claimed that she and her spouse will later regret this decision, but the couple’s adamant
So, the Original Poster is 49 years old, and her daughter [Josie] is 19. Four years ago, when the girl was 15, she delivered a baby whose father was her age. It’s not that the parents didn’t give their daughter a proper sex education, says the author of the post – it’s obvious that it just wasn’t enough. Well, the parents tried to support their daughter as much as possible and helped her in taking care of their grandson.
The new mom said that in the current situation she wasn’t ready to continue studying in high school, but her parents strongly recommended that she at least find some part-time job. In any case, for the next four years, Josie and her son lived in their parents’ house – until a new, unexpected situation happened.
Soldiers have a saying that two bombs do not fall into the same crater, but in this case, the saying clearly didn’t work. Josie recently returned home and told her parents that she was pregnant again and – surprise! – from the same dude who is the father of her first kid. And who, by the way, didn’t take much part in raising his first son, giving only about $100 for the child’s expenses and sporadically coming to visit.
At this point, the OP and her husband’s patience simply ran out, and they said that they were not ready to completely sacrifice their future lives, raising their daughter’s two kids. The parents suggested that the girl discuss options for living together with the children’s dad, but she said that the guy wasn’t ready for this, neither financially nor morally.
The following weeks for the author of the post turned into a real branch of hell on earth – with constant quarrels with their daughter, discussions of options for further events with their own parents, in-laws… and even the parents of the hapless daddy. The only ones who offered the option to house Josie and the kids were the OP’s in-laws, but the girl didn’t like this option.
According to Josie, her grandparents live far from the city where the father of her kids lives, and she wants him to have the opportunity to regularly see his offspring. In any case, now Josie is giving her parents the silent treatment, and the OP’s in-laws believe that she and her husband are reacting ‘too harshly’ and that in the future they will regret actually ‘abandoning their daughter and grandkids.’ So the question arises – should love for our adult children be totally unconditional, and if so, to what extent?
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
As we’ve mentioned many times in previous posts, the share of American adults today who live under the same roof with their parents is the highest since WWII, and this is likely causing a lot of intergenerational conflict as well. But in this particular situation, the opinions of commenters were almost unanimous.
According to commenters, the original poster has reacted quite appropriately – after all, if she and her spouse give up some slack this time, their daughter will definitely draw the conclusion that in any case, no matter what happens, she will be able to shift the responsibility onto their shoulders. “Stand firm, or you’ll never be able to retire because she will continue to expect your largesse,” one of the people in the comments stated.
Other commenters just marvel at how the OP’s daughter actually repeated her own mistake, and again doesn’t want to learn a life lesson after making the wrong choices. In addition, some people in the comments argue that since the author’s in-laws are calling on her to show generosity, why don’t they set an example first? “Her grandparents can either foot the bill for her to live elsewhere, Or let them move in with 1 set,” someone aptly wrote in the comments.
Well, parents and adult children really have many conflicts, which, alas, significantly darken their future lives. As it was, for example, in this post of ours about a 20 Y.O. hiding her pregnancy from her father, expecting him to let them all live in his house. In this particular case nearly all commentators are almost sure that the original poster is right. So what do you think about all this?
Almost all the commenters unanimously supported the author and her husband, saying that it should be a life lesson for their daughter
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Unconditional love doesn't mean do everything for them and let them do wat they want. Loving someone doesn't mean taking everything away from them. The daughter is extremely entitled and obviously didn't understand why they wanted her to work. She's clearly thinking! One baby means she's allowed to work half a job so she could be there for her kid the other half, so if she has two, she gets to stay home all day and her parents keep paying. They should have insisted she'd work full time right from the start and only occasionally helped out with child care and only for job related reasons, never so she could go out. If she wanted that, they should have made her pay. They should have taken rent from her and utilities. Let her feel the reality of her situation and not allowing her to get herself into further dependency and out of school for no reason. 5hey could have put the money in a college fund for the child and tell her if she finished school with good grades she could live rent free.
Yep, sometimes, unconditional love means no longer enabling poor choices and bad behavior.
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A lot of single parents work, because they have to, looks like she'll learn the hard way now.
My cousin has 3 kids, is a single mother and works full time and I have never heard her complain how she doesn't get enough help. She loves her kids and would do anything for them.
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"gee, I sure don't want a job, I know, I'll get pregnant, then someone will HAVE to take care of me!"
I remember back in the 70's and 80' in the UK people used to say lots of teenage girls' got pregnant on purpose to get free council flats and dole money, I was born in 1974 and grew up in a council flat :-(
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I'm a firm believer that grandparents should pay child support if their kids have children while they are minors. The burden almost always falls on the mother's parents. The deadbeat child father's parents should have been forced BY LAW to pay child support until the father could start doing so.
Ahahah really more child support laws for females? sure let's have female teenagers now target the kids of rich people, gold digging started early for you!
Load More Replies... “ My husbands parents think we're being very harsh and punishing her for something that's already happened,” Bit of a weird statement from the OP’s in-laws. Do they think people should only be “punished” for things they haven’t done yet, or for things they are never going to do? Unless it’s “Don’t make any ever face any negative consequences of their actions, ever” which I’m also unconvinced by.
So many of these stories about young women getting pregnant when they really shouldn't, and 90% of the commments are people saying how stupid she is, how she should keep her legs closed, hell even one person here called her a "sperm bank". I hardly ever see comments calling the men to task - the men who pump and dump, happy to get laid but disappear if there's a child in the picture. We need to remember there are TWO people involved in creating a pregnancy and start holding men more responsible for their actions, rather than almost exclusively demonizing the women.
Because this article is about her parents and the choice that they made to force her to deal with the consequences for her choices. The parents have no control over what the guy does. I'm sure if they had a way to do so they would. It's a given that the boy is a useless idiot. No one here has been praising him. The daughter is also the one that is calling her parents heartless and expecting them to keep picking up the peices of her poor choices. She can possibly be forgiven for the first time, but doing it again after you already know he will be of no help and expecting her parents to pick up the pieces again is selfish to the extreme. She's also the one who is refusing to give the baby up for adoption or have an abortion. There are ways out of this mess for her, but she is refusing take them.
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Unconditional love, finite resources. She's about to learn some harsh truths about life. Hope the parents stay firm.
Just the entitled idiots who pop babies out every couple years without any inkling or care how they will support said babies.
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Lady I worked with, had a single daughter who had 7 children by 5 different fathers. Mom kept working to support them all, was happy to do it. I and others thought grandmother was nuts.
What incentive would she have to use them? So far, she's had free housing and childcare, courtesy of her parents. Maybe being out in the cold, cold world will cool her ardor and help her engage the organ between her ears, and not her legs.
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Everyone is just reacting to the 19 year old pregnant with her 2nd baby. No one is looking at the guy. Why doesn't he get to take some fault and accountability? This is why boys get the idea it's acceptable to just slack off being a dad when they're just as much responsible. They both decided to have sex. A pregnancy happened. Not sure where they are, but they had their baby and another baby happened, again. This happens to some older, dysfunctional couples, as well, who are stuck in bad marriages and have to move back with their parents. What this young couple needs is counselling and some hard-hitting reality checks but with supports. No one needs to have their lives completely ruined. Everyone just needs to communicate better, compromise where they can and negotiate where they can't. The parents are still parents to these teens. At least help ensure the couple has a place to stay with their babies and guide them to services that help young parents.
Not to mention said reality checks can come in the form of what financials are like and the fact her parents won't always be around so she NEEDS to set herself to support herself and her kids. It's no longer about her. She will have two babies/kids to look after so that ship has sailed. Edit: Typo.
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Parents are definitely to blame for daughter's attitude about Baby #2.
Sometimes a harsh lesson is what is in order to give the individual a reality check. Daughter needs to not expect everybody to do everything for her and "woman" up and admit she is responsible for what she is doing drifting through life mooching
I wouldn't make the choice these parents seem to be making. I wouldn't want to push my child and her babies into living with an unsupportive partner - that's a recipe for abuse and poverty, as well as a good way to totally destroy their own relationship with their child. I would probably be angry too but that's not a line I would cross regardless.
So just let her keep on having babies with a man she's not even "in a relationship" with, then? So, are YOU volunteering to pay for her room and board, for the feeding and care of her AND her two children? Because she clearly isn't interested in doing it herself, and her parents are putting their foot down. Just because you gave birth to a child does not mean that you are responsible for their actions, especially once they're adults. One's children do NOT have the rights to drain their parents dry once they are adults and capable of caring for themselves and their own offspring. OP's daughter doesn't have to live with baby daddy - she can rent a room/apartment for herself OR live with her grandparents.
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There is just one thing I do not agree with, 'it's not our job to keep picking up after you'... Yes it is, you're her parents. Not finishing high school? Unacceptable. Why did she not pay rent? You put a child in the world and what I hear did not prepare the child for real life.
Unconditional love is a terrible term. It implies that you will accept any level of insult or abuse. I love my daughter with every fiber of my being and want to give her the world... that said, I can see a scenario where that could go away. I can't imagine it actually happening because she is a caring person, but nothing in life is truly unconditional.
That girl has a lot to learn..I really hope the kids don't pay the price of it.
Both of my sisters worked to take care of their kids, after their husbands abandoned them (one, in a homeless shelter; with two boys and only $60 ). We were taught from an early age to be independent and have a work ethic. At 19 years of age, that isn't too much to ask. The government and society has gotten less tolerant through the years of individuals who refuse to help themselves out of difficulties. If this poor girl actually believes that everything will magically work out for the best, she's in for a rude awakening. Most likely, she'll end up on welfare, with absolutely no incentive to get out of it. Conditions and ultimatums should have been set during the first pregnancy.
I admittedly prefer more images/art/creativity than these kinds of posts, but I don't mind these Reddit (sp?) things that seem to be popping up so much on BP. What I do mind is unresolved ones. It's like reading a 2nd hand novelette and finding that the last few chapters are missing. As for this post: Their daughter is taking to ultimate pee. She's old enough - now - to take responsibility for her careless actions.
She had a baby, she didn't rob a bank. Grandkids aren't the worse thing to have... perhaps there's a reasonable solution, compromise? Like you can live here for one year after baby is born in that time, start making some long term arrangement for yourself, which include the father who will have to contribute much more, such as partaking in childcare. Have a set amount of babysitting you willing to do (or none!) ie boundaries, and help her through the transition. 19 is still very young and it's hard to make it on own much less than with 2 young ones. That's why it takes a village. Maybe the parents just need more of a village instead of being the only help.
NTA, parents have done all they can do. First child may have been kept out of naivety, but now she understands what it takes to care for a child. If she's not in a position to provide for two kids, she should look into adoption or termination. I have friends who have been in all three sides of adoption, and if you go through a reputable agency and insist on an open adoption, it is a gift to everyone. Closed adoptions are suspect and while some agencies do right by the kids they don't all. Plus it instill some sort of weird adoption shame, like you shouldn't know your whole story. Luckily nearly everywhere babies are in high demand and if you hold your ground, there are a lot of good options.
Back in the day, this was fixed by a 'shot-gun wedding' followed by living in a 'shot-gun shack.'
NTA... I have a feeling the daughter is the only child & a spoiled brat as well. If her parents enabled & let her do as she pleased growing up then they are indeed partially to blame. She is not only a selfish & ungrateful child but the sperm donor is too. I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't the only one he's "with". Definitely need to kick her out since she's too dumb to understand how this is ruining your lives, especially if the sperm donor is barely there. 🤨
You are definitely NTA. She made a choice and now she has to deal with the consequences.
Young people just don't understand the concept of consequences. Stupidity isn't an excuse.
I have no idea why anyone would think this isn't above Reddit's pay grade. With the limited info, you can pencil in whatever details you imagine and get whatever conclusion you want. Like: How obvious have they made it that any repeat situation means being kicked out immediately? OP gives lots of text but not anything relating to the essence.
Nope. She can get housing, utility, food, daycare, and medical benefits with two kids working part time. Time to be an adult.
HARD NTA! The daughter is obviously stupid. There's no way around that. She's 19. She learned 4 years earlier what happens with unprotected sex. She knows baby daddy is a loser. Yet she did the exact same dumb action with the exact same dumb guy. She's lucky if she only gets a second kid, and not an STI since apparently he's not a fan of wrapping it up. Not your guys' baby, not your guys' problem.
I’m with the people that said if they let her stay, they will soon have 3 grandbabies to look after. I enjoyed reading that Josie doesn't want to move with grandparents due to it would be "taking the kids away from their dad..." however, OP stated that the boy (yes boy) would only see his kid every few months and only gives her about $100 every now and again. Not much of a father! She probably wants to stay close to her f***buddy. Also, that the daughter stated, "work full time and support two kids? What 19 year old can do that?" Um....
YTA and you yourself stated the problem perfectly "We tried to teach you responsibility after your first baby." Right there parents. AFTER. Way toooo late. You said you tried to teach her sex education, good job. How about 'life education?' No, you can't drop out of school? I see young mothers getting off the school bus after school. She can't work and take care of a baby? Millions of single moms do so. She's living rent free. Teach her how to manage money, pay bills, rent, buy food, pay a sitter. She's going out? Why? She HAS A BABY! IF she had any real responsibility rather than parents enabling her she wouldn't have gotten pregnant again. Trust me, she didn't turn stupid on her own. Good job mom and dad.
Didn't even think of that. Good point out. Why was it after?
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What a dumbass. 'I can't work (part time) AND be a parent!' - welcome to the real world, love. Next time, use a f*****g condom.
There is a lot to unpack here. First and foremost BIRTH CONTROL. This young woman ostensibly did not take the necessary precautions. Yes BC can fail but overwhelmingly it is effective. She doesn't want an abortion and that is her right. BUT that right does not include her parents stepping up to raise her kid. These two need to step the f##k up and take responsibility for THEIR actions. This young woman is sentencing herself to a very bleak future. I doubt very much her baby daddy will pay child support. There really is no reason in this day and age for unplanned pregnancy. Anyone on antibiotics is told by the pharmacist to use a condom as well because antibiotics can render The Pill ineffective. These kids don't have a hope in hell......
BC and condoms can both fail so yes, there is reason for there being unplanned pregnancies in this day and age. If I ever changed my mind about my celibacy (for my health) vow you'd bet I'd use Plan B even though I have an IUD. And there's still a chance both could fail. It is not overwhemingly effective. It is just often effective. People have higher fertility than others, rips in condoms happen, hormones happen, pills failing happen, etc. 97%-99% effective is not as much as you think it is given the billions population we have as a species.
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Sometimes loving a child means that you have to teach them responsibility the hard way. In this case, as tough as it is, you are going to have to stick by what you said, or you will be living your senior years caring for an unending stream of grandchildren. Daughter has to learn, and quickly, that raising children doesn't mean calling mommy when baby gets colicky, or leaving them with GP's when she wants to go out and have "girl time". She is going to have to learn also that if she doesn't get this baby making boyfriend to a courthouse in a big hurry, he is going to skip town on the first bus out. She needs to get a child support order slapped on him NOW, and if it means she has to live in the basement of a tenement with these two babies, so be it. She needs to find out that there is nothing glamorous in making and raising babies, and mommy and daddy are not going to be there forever to dig her out when she finds herself in a big hole. It's time to grow up, little girl!
The daughter is especially immature for her age. It wouldn't surprise me if having the first baby was to give her an excuse to drop out of school, and then the second one was to have her parents continue to look after her because she can't face the real world. I've seen this exact scenario before. That girl turned out to have unrecognized autism. I think this girl needs professional assessment and help that is beyond her parents and grandparents. I hope she gets it, for everyone's sake, but especially for those kids.
I’m autistic. If she was normal enough to be in regular classes in high school and to get a job, she knows, she just doesn’t care. She gets to fool around and her parents will clean up the mess.
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Unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional support. The first mistake was free. A lesson. The second comes with the serious consequences virtually all other parents have. You're ****ing some guy, having two children with him, but he's not the boyfriend? Okay. But he is the father and the two of you are parents. Act like it. Move in together. A studio if you have to. Share a bed if you have to. Figure it out. You don't have to be a couple to live together to raise your two kids. You clearly didn't have to be a couple to create the kids. If that cramps your "dating" life so be it. But expecting your parents to simply cover for your mistakes indefinitely? Nope. They're better off without you if that's your attitude.
She wants to live close to the dad not for the kids but for hook ups. Truly sad.
She obviously knew how to get pregnant and how not too by now. Not your kid to raise. She needs to get the f out. Otherwise she will keep doing what she is doing.
Their daughter is a sperm bank. Pretty sure they didn’t sign up for that. She’s naive and out of touch with reality. I support their decision. Plenty of single parents out there busting their butt. I know a single mom who works 2 jobs and still manages to have time for herself. I admire the heck out of her. She got pregnant while in college and still managed to graduate and work. Daughter needs to learn
Have them do a tubal ligation on her when she delivers baby #2. It won't help with the first two kids, but it will stop her from having more babies. They did that for my stepdaughter, and my wife and I are only raising 2 of her 3 kids. 😀
This young woman is a legal adult. No one can force her to have a tubal ligation.
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Stop regurgitating the same stuff I can read on Reddit. Go back to art things and animals only. I don't want to read regurgitated Reddit c**p on this site, repeatedly.
I prefer this to Reddit; I treat it as the best of (some bits of) Reddit.
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The first baby should have been terminated or adopted out. This baby should be terminated or adopted out. The amount of entitlement is beyond comprehension by this little b***h of a child. The parents are the only ones not ah in this situation.
Literally, teen pregnancy is the stupidest thing to ever exist. She honestly deserved to be kicked out. It isn’t funny to be such a s**t. Sure it’s great to start your own family, but teenagers throwing away their teenage life to take care of a child? Big no! Teenagers have a life ahead of them full of adventures. Wait until your at least 30.
Don't call teens slu.ts. And adults can have babies anytime as long as they're prepared to do the work. 30 is not the ideal age to have a baby as well, it's actually a bit earlier at 27-28. And you just Infantilized everyone in their mid to late 20s too. Which isn't even as bad as calling someone a insult for no reason. You've also obviously have never heard the saying of Support pregnant teens, not teen pregnancy, and think it only happens by sleeping around and, I'd bet, not using BC. You seem like like the type to have backwards views.
Load More Replies... Unconditional love doesn't mean do everything for them and let them do wat they want. Loving someone doesn't mean taking everything away from them. The daughter is extremely entitled and obviously didn't understand why they wanted her to work. She's clearly thinking! One baby means she's allowed to work half a job so she could be there for her kid the other half, so if she has two, she gets to stay home all day and her parents keep paying. They should have insisted she'd work full time right from the start and only occasionally helped out with child care and only for job related reasons, never so she could go out. If she wanted that, they should have made her pay. They should have taken rent from her and utilities. Let her feel the reality of her situation and not allowing her to get herself into further dependency and out of school for no reason. 5hey could have put the money in a college fund for the child and tell her if she finished school with good grades she could live rent free.
Yep, sometimes, unconditional love means no longer enabling poor choices and bad behavior.
Load More Replies... A lot of single parents work, because they have to, looks like she'll learn the hard way now.
My cousin has 3 kids, is a single mother and works full time and I have never heard her complain how she doesn't get enough help. She loves her kids and would do anything for them.
Load More Replies... "gee, I sure don't want a job, I know, I'll get pregnant, then someone will HAVE to take care of me!"
I remember back in the 70's and 80' in the UK people used to say lots of teenage girls' got pregnant on purpose to get free council flats and dole money, I was born in 1974 and grew up in a council flat :-(
Load More Replies... I'm a firm believer that grandparents should pay child support if their kids have children while they are minors. The burden almost always falls on the mother's parents. The deadbeat child father's parents should have been forced BY LAW to pay child support until the father could start doing so.
Ahahah really more child support laws for females? sure let's have female teenagers now target the kids of rich people, gold digging started early for you!
Load More Replies... “ My husbands parents think we're being very harsh and punishing her for something that's already happened,” Bit of a weird statement from the OP’s in-laws. Do they think people should only be “punished” for things they haven’t done yet, or for things they are never going to do? Unless it’s “Don’t make any ever face any negative consequences of their actions, ever” which I’m also unconvinced by.
So many of these stories about young women getting pregnant when they really shouldn't, and 90% of the commments are people saying how stupid she is, how she should keep her legs closed, hell even one person here called her a "sperm bank". I hardly ever see comments calling the men to task - the men who pump and dump, happy to get laid but disappear if there's a child in the picture. We need to remember there are TWO people involved in creating a pregnancy and start holding men more responsible for their actions, rather than almost exclusively demonizing the women.
Because this article is about her parents and the choice that they made to force her to deal with the consequences for her choices. The parents have no control over what the guy does. I'm sure if they had a way to do so they would. It's a given that the boy is a useless idiot. No one here has been praising him. The daughter is also the one that is calling her parents heartless and expecting them to keep picking up the peices of her poor choices. She can possibly be forgiven for the first time, but doing it again after you already know he will be of no help and expecting her parents to pick up the pieces again is selfish to the extreme. She's also the one who is refusing to give the baby up for adoption or have an abortion. There are ways out of this mess for her, but she is refusing take them.
Load More Replies... Unconditional love, finite resources. She's about to learn some harsh truths about life. Hope the parents stay firm.
Just the entitled idiots who pop babies out every couple years without any inkling or care how they will support said babies.
Load More Replies... Lady I worked with, had a single daughter who had 7 children by 5 different fathers. Mom kept working to support them all, was happy to do it. I and others thought grandmother was nuts.
What incentive would she have to use them? So far, she's had free housing and childcare, courtesy of her parents. Maybe being out in the cold, cold world will cool her ardor and help her engage the organ between her ears, and not her legs.
Load More Replies... Everyone is just reacting to the 19 year old pregnant with her 2nd baby. No one is looking at the guy. Why doesn't he get to take some fault and accountability? This is why boys get the idea it's acceptable to just slack off being a dad when they're just as much responsible. They both decided to have sex. A pregnancy happened. Not sure where they are, but they had their baby and another baby happened, again. This happens to some older, dysfunctional couples, as well, who are stuck in bad marriages and have to move back with their parents. What this young couple needs is counselling and some hard-hitting reality checks but with supports. No one needs to have their lives completely ruined. Everyone just needs to communicate better, compromise where they can and negotiate where they can't. The parents are still parents to these teens. At least help ensure the couple has a place to stay with their babies and guide them to services that help young parents.
Not to mention said reality checks can come in the form of what financials are like and the fact her parents won't always be around so she NEEDS to set herself to support herself and her kids. It's no longer about her. She will have two babies/kids to look after so that ship has sailed. Edit: Typo.
Load More Replies... Parents are definitely to blame for daughter's attitude about Baby #2.
Sometimes a harsh lesson is what is in order to give the individual a reality check. Daughter needs to not expect everybody to do everything for her and "woman" up and admit she is responsible for what she is doing drifting through life mooching
I wouldn't make the choice these parents seem to be making. I wouldn't want to push my child and her babies into living with an unsupportive partner - that's a recipe for abuse and poverty, as well as a good way to totally destroy their own relationship with their child. I would probably be angry too but that's not a line I would cross regardless.
So just let her keep on having babies with a man she's not even "in a relationship" with, then? So, are YOU volunteering to pay for her room and board, for the feeding and care of her AND her two children? Because she clearly isn't interested in doing it herself, and her parents are putting their foot down. Just because you gave birth to a child does not mean that you are responsible for their actions, especially once they're adults. One's children do NOT have the rights to drain their parents dry once they are adults and capable of caring for themselves and their own offspring. OP's daughter doesn't have to live with baby daddy - she can rent a room/apartment for herself OR live with her grandparents.
Load More Replies... There is just one thing I do not agree with, 'it's not our job to keep picking up after you'... Yes it is, you're her parents. Not finishing high school? Unacceptable. Why did she not pay rent? You put a child in the world and what I hear did not prepare the child for real life.
Unconditional love is a terrible term. It implies that you will accept any level of insult or abuse. I love my daughter with every fiber of my being and want to give her the world... that said, I can see a scenario where that could go away. I can't imagine it actually happening because she is a caring person, but nothing in life is truly unconditional.
That girl has a lot to learn..I really hope the kids don't pay the price of it.
Both of my sisters worked to take care of their kids, after their husbands abandoned them (one, in a homeless shelter; with two boys and only $60 ). We were taught from an early age to be independent and have a work ethic. At 19 years of age, that isn't too much to ask. The government and society has gotten less tolerant through the years of individuals who refuse to help themselves out of difficulties. If this poor girl actually believes that everything will magically work out for the best, she's in for a rude awakening. Most likely, she'll end up on welfare, with absolutely no incentive to get out of it. Conditions and ultimatums should have been set during the first pregnancy.
I admittedly prefer more images/art/creativity than these kinds of posts, but I don't mind these Reddit (sp?) things that seem to be popping up so much on BP. What I do mind is unresolved ones. It's like reading a 2nd hand novelette and finding that the last few chapters are missing. As for this post: Their daughter is taking to ultimate pee. She's old enough - now - to take responsibility for her careless actions.
She had a baby, she didn't rob a bank. Grandkids aren't the worse thing to have... perhaps there's a reasonable solution, compromise? Like you can live here for one year after baby is born in that time, start making some long term arrangement for yourself, which include the father who will have to contribute much more, such as partaking in childcare. Have a set amount of babysitting you willing to do (or none!) ie boundaries, and help her through the transition. 19 is still very young and it's hard to make it on own much less than with 2 young ones. That's why it takes a village. Maybe the parents just need more of a village instead of being the only help.
NTA, parents have done all they can do. First child may have been kept out of naivety, but now she understands what it takes to care for a child. If she's not in a position to provide for two kids, she should look into adoption or termination. I have friends who have been in all three sides of adoption, and if you go through a reputable agency and insist on an open adoption, it is a gift to everyone. Closed adoptions are suspect and while some agencies do right by the kids they don't all. Plus it instill some sort of weird adoption shame, like you shouldn't know your whole story. Luckily nearly everywhere babies are in high demand and if you hold your ground, there are a lot of good options.
Back in the day, this was fixed by a 'shot-gun wedding' followed by living in a 'shot-gun shack.'
NTA... I have a feeling the daughter is the only child & a spoiled brat as well. If her parents enabled & let her do as she pleased growing up then they are indeed partially to blame. She is not only a selfish & ungrateful child but the sperm donor is too. I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't the only one he's "with". Definitely need to kick her out since she's too dumb to understand how this is ruining your lives, especially if the sperm donor is barely there. 🤨
You are definitely NTA. She made a choice and now she has to deal with the consequences.
Young people just don't understand the concept of consequences. Stupidity isn't an excuse.
I have no idea why anyone would think this isn't above Reddit's pay grade. With the limited info, you can pencil in whatever details you imagine and get whatever conclusion you want. Like: How obvious have they made it that any repeat situation means being kicked out immediately? OP gives lots of text but not anything relating to the essence.
Nope. She can get housing, utility, food, daycare, and medical benefits with two kids working part time. Time to be an adult.
HARD NTA! The daughter is obviously stupid. There's no way around that. She's 19. She learned 4 years earlier what happens with unprotected sex. She knows baby daddy is a loser. Yet she did the exact same dumb action with the exact same dumb guy. She's lucky if she only gets a second kid, and not an STI since apparently he's not a fan of wrapping it up. Not your guys' baby, not your guys' problem.
I’m with the people that said if they let her stay, they will soon have 3 grandbabies to look after. I enjoyed reading that Josie doesn't want to move with grandparents due to it would be "taking the kids away from their dad..." however, OP stated that the boy (yes boy) would only see his kid every few months and only gives her about $100 every now and again. Not much of a father! She probably wants to stay close to her f***buddy. Also, that the daughter stated, "work full time and support two kids? What 19 year old can do that?" Um....
YTA and you yourself stated the problem perfectly "We tried to teach you responsibility after your first baby." Right there parents. AFTER. Way toooo late. You said you tried to teach her sex education, good job. How about 'life education?' No, you can't drop out of school? I see young mothers getting off the school bus after school. She can't work and take care of a baby? Millions of single moms do so. She's living rent free. Teach her how to manage money, pay bills, rent, buy food, pay a sitter. She's going out? Why? She HAS A BABY! IF she had any real responsibility rather than parents enabling her she wouldn't have gotten pregnant again. Trust me, she didn't turn stupid on her own. Good job mom and dad.
Didn't even think of that. Good point out. Why was it after?
Load More Replies... What a dumbass. 'I can't work (part time) AND be a parent!' - welcome to the real world, love. Next time, use a f*****g condom.
There is a lot to unpack here. First and foremost BIRTH CONTROL. This young woman ostensibly did not take the necessary precautions. Yes BC can fail but overwhelmingly it is effective. She doesn't want an abortion and that is her right. BUT that right does not include her parents stepping up to raise her kid. These two need to step the f##k up and take responsibility for THEIR actions. This young woman is sentencing herself to a very bleak future. I doubt very much her baby daddy will pay child support. There really is no reason in this day and age for unplanned pregnancy. Anyone on antibiotics is told by the pharmacist to use a condom as well because antibiotics can render The Pill ineffective. These kids don't have a hope in hell......
BC and condoms can both fail so yes, there is reason for there being unplanned pregnancies in this day and age. If I ever changed my mind about my celibacy (for my health) vow you'd bet I'd use Plan B even though I have an IUD. And there's still a chance both could fail. It is not overwhemingly effective. It is just often effective. People have higher fertility than others, rips in condoms happen, hormones happen, pills failing happen, etc. 97%-99% effective is not as much as you think it is given the billions population we have as a species.
Load More Replies... Sometimes loving a child means that you have to teach them responsibility the hard way. In this case, as tough as it is, you are going to have to stick by what you said, or you will be living your senior years caring for an unending stream of grandchildren. Daughter has to learn, and quickly, that raising children doesn't mean calling mommy when baby gets colicky, or leaving them with GP's when she wants to go out and have "girl time". She is going to have to learn also that if she doesn't get this baby making boyfriend to a courthouse in a big hurry, he is going to skip town on the first bus out. She needs to get a child support order slapped on him NOW, and if it means she has to live in the basement of a tenement with these two babies, so be it. She needs to find out that there is nothing glamorous in making and raising babies, and mommy and daddy are not going to be there forever to dig her out when she finds herself in a big hole. It's time to grow up, little girl!
The daughter is especially immature for her age. It wouldn't surprise me if having the first baby was to give her an excuse to drop out of school, and then the second one was to have her parents continue to look after her because she can't face the real world. I've seen this exact scenario before. That girl turned out to have unrecognized autism. I think this girl needs professional assessment and help that is beyond her parents and grandparents. I hope she gets it, for everyone's sake, but especially for those kids.
I’m autistic. If she was normal enough to be in regular classes in high school and to get a job, she knows, she just doesn’t care. She gets to fool around and her parents will clean up the mess.
Load More Replies... Unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional support. The first mistake was free. A lesson. The second comes with the serious consequences virtually all other parents have. You're ****ing some guy, having two children with him, but he's not the boyfriend? Okay. But he is the father and the two of you are parents. Act like it. Move in together. A studio if you have to. Share a bed if you have to. Figure it out. You don't have to be a couple to live together to raise your two kids. You clearly didn't have to be a couple to create the kids. If that cramps your "dating" life so be it. But expecting your parents to simply cover for your mistakes indefinitely? Nope. They're better off without you if that's your attitude.
She wants to live close to the dad not for the kids but for hook ups. Truly sad.
She obviously knew how to get pregnant and how not too by now. Not your kid to raise. She needs to get the f out. Otherwise she will keep doing what she is doing.
Their daughter is a sperm bank. Pretty sure they didn’t sign up for that. She’s naive and out of touch with reality. I support their decision. Plenty of single parents out there busting their butt. I know a single mom who works 2 jobs and still manages to have time for herself. I admire the heck out of her. She got pregnant while in college and still managed to graduate and work. Daughter needs to learn
Have them do a tubal ligation on her when she delivers baby #2. It won't help with the first two kids, but it will stop her from having more babies. They did that for my stepdaughter, and my wife and I are only raising 2 of her 3 kids. 😀
This young woman is a legal adult. No one can force her to have a tubal ligation.
Load More Replies... Stop regurgitating the same stuff I can read on Reddit. Go back to art things and animals only. I don't want to read regurgitated Reddit c**p on this site, repeatedly.
I prefer this to Reddit; I treat it as the best of (some bits of) Reddit.
Load More Replies... The first baby should have been terminated or adopted out. This baby should be terminated or adopted out. The amount of entitlement is beyond comprehension by this little b***h of a child. The parents are the only ones not ah in this situation.
Literally, teen pregnancy is the stupidest thing to ever exist. She honestly deserved to be kicked out. It isn’t funny to be such a s**t. Sure it’s great to start your own family, but teenagers throwing away their teenage life to take care of a child? Big no! Teenagers have a life ahead of them full of adventures. Wait until your at least 30.
Don't call teens slu.ts. And adults can have babies anytime as long as they're prepared to do the work. 30 is not the ideal age to have a baby as well, it's actually a bit earlier at 27-28. And you just Infantilized everyone in their mid to late 20s too. Which isn't even as bad as calling someone a insult for no reason. You've also obviously have never heard the saying of Support pregnant teens, not teen pregnancy, and think it only happens by sleeping around and, I'd bet, not using BC. You seem like like the type to have backwards views.
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