This is what parenthood is like. When our children are still small, they live in our house, we take care of them, feed them, clothe them… But years, decades pass, the kids grow up – and many, it turns out, are so accustomed to this state of affairs that they do not want to change anything.
A similar situation was described by the user tropicalcocktails, whose son, even in his late twenties, keeps behaving at most like a teenager in relation to housing and providing for his own life, despite getting decent money at work. Don’t believe us? Then it’s time to move on to this story.
The author of the post has an adult son who still shares one roof with his mom
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
The guy has a decent job and makes good money but his participation in family life is limited to weekly rent
Image credits: tropicalcocktails
Recently the son claimed that he plans to visit his dad in another part of the country, so he won’t pay his rent for the upcoming week
Image credits: Andrew Fecheyr (not the actual photo)
Image credits: tropicalcocktails
The mom was upset – especially since it would cut a hole in the family budget, so she decided to make the son pay anyway
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that her son is now approaching thirty, and he continues to share a roof with her and her husband. Two children from the author’s second marriage also live there, and they share one room, because the second one has been occupied by their half-brother for many years.
No, the guy is not messing around at all, as you might have probably assumed. On the contrary, he has a decent job and, as the mom honestly admits, earns more than any of the other family members. The spouses normally charge him a weekly contribution – but this is where the guy’s participation in family life is limited.
In the comments to the post, the mother honestly admits that her son still lives so much like a teenager – she regularly makes him breakfast for work, in the evening he has dinner with everyone. He is also freed from all chores and, to be honest, does not have any special expenses except for his car.
However, this works for the woman – especially since currently the family’s finances are not that good, and they have to literally count every coin. That is why she was very upset when one day her son announced that he was leaving for a week to see his dad, who lived in another part of the country – and, accordingly, would not pay rent for that week.
For the couple, this would have been a blow to the family budget – especially since the news was sudden, although, as it turned out, the son had planned this trip long before he talked about it. If he had at least warned in advance, it would have been easier, but now the couple found themselves in a difficult situation.
In general, the woman decided to firmly tell her son that in any case he had to pay for the week when he was away from home, but she almost immediately began to doubt it – how mean would she look in this case towards her beloved son? Largely to dispel these doubts, the woman decided to ask for advice online.
Image credits: Sohum (not the actual photo)
As almost always in such cases, all-knowing statistics come to the rescue, and guess what? Over 50 percent of young adults in the US today live with their parents, according to Pew Research data – and this figure is quite comparable to the mid-forties of the last century. Moreover, the recent COVID-19 pandemic has only exacerbated this trend. And if there is a trend, then there are problems that accompany it…
In popular culture, an adult who lives with their parents often acts as comic relief. The reality is much harsher – after all, comedy characters rarely have to deal with high rents, mortgages, electricity bills and other delights of contemporary life. However, “adult” should almost automatically mean “paying.”
“It’s not parents’ responsibility to compensate for the current housing difficulties,” The Guardian quotes Gabriela Morris, a UK-based counsellor. “Their task is to take care of their children the best they can until they become adults.” Okay, a mother can do household chores and, for example, wash her adult son’s clothes – but then the son must definitely contribute to these chores. This is how this life actually works.
The opinions of commenters on the original post were also a tad bit divided. Most people sincerely believe that the son must pay rent for this week in any case – after all, his absence does not mean the cancellation of electricity, water and heating in his room. Moreover, since the guy planned the trip in advance, he could have warned his mom so that she could plan her finances accordingly.
However, there is another point of view among folks in the comments. No, people still believe that at least some financial contribution from the son should take place here – after all, rent doesn’t stop when you travel. But the folks also warn the original poster that she should rely less on her son’s money anyway – at least in the future.
“I do think it is a bit difficult relying so much on his money. What will you do if he moves out?” one of the commenters asks quite a reasonable question. It is likely that the current story should become a real wholesome lesson not only for the son, but also for the mother. And what do you think, our dear readers? Please let us know your point of view in the comments below.
Most people in the comments sided with the mom, stating that the rent actually doesn’t stop when you travel
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
First of all, stop doing his "washing" because he is a grown a*s man who will never leave if he has maid service. Secondly, if he is occupying a room, he pays whether he's there or not. You don't get to prorate your rent to go on vacation.
They feed him dinners and make him packed lunches for work, too. This is a grown man taking advantage of his parents and it's gross.
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Rent is rent. If he doesn't have money to pay it, then he doesn't have money for vacation either. and the fact that he is in his late 20's, living with his parents and his mom is still doing his laundry is a red flag on the whole situation.
I don't see it as a red flag. He ears more than either of them. They rely on his money. There is a chance he is still living at home because his parents can't survive without this agreement. Not because he wants to live with them.
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If he is coming back to your house and will be continuing to live there after his visit, it should stay the same, Pay your share because it's not like he's going to be permanent with these people, Where I am now,I pay mthly. Not a giant amount but pay regardless. I was at at a motel for a while visiting someone but still paid because I was coming back. This is my regular place. The other place was temporary.
First of all, stop doing his "washing" because he is a grown a*s man who will never leave if he has maid service. Secondly, if he is occupying a room, he pays whether he's there or not. You don't get to prorate your rent to go on vacation.
They feed him dinners and make him packed lunches for work, too. This is a grown man taking advantage of his parents and it's gross.
Load More Replies... Rent is rent. If he doesn't have money to pay it, then he doesn't have money for vacation either. and the fact that he is in his late 20's, living with his parents and his mom is still doing his laundry is a red flag on the whole situation.
I don't see it as a red flag. He ears more than either of them. They rely on his money. There is a chance he is still living at home because his parents can't survive without this agreement. Not because he wants to live with them.
Load More Replies... If he is coming back to your house and will be continuing to live there after his visit, it should stay the same, Pay your share because it's not like he's going to be permanent with these people, Where I am now,I pay mthly. Not a giant amount but pay regardless. I was at at a motel for a while visiting someone but still paid because I was coming back. This is my regular place. The other place was temporary.
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