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14 Parents Are Sharing The Craziest Stuff They Heard Their Children Say, And You Wonder What’s Going On In These Small Heads
Article created by: Mantas Kačerauskas
Adults often underestimate how smart, receptive and understanding kids are. These little philosophers surprise us now and again with their unique view of the world. It’s them who are curious, blunt and sharp-tongued, and they often say things just how they are.
It turns out there’s a whole corner of Reddit named “Things My Kid Said” dedicated to precisely that. With 56.3k members, it is a place to share the weirdest, goofiest, cutest and wittiest things our kiddos have said, and it’s nothing else but pure gold. Below we wrapped up some of the best posts from the subreddit, so grab yourself some coffee and enjoy!
And when you’re done reading this one, be sure to check out our previous posts with the funniest and weirdest things little daredevils have said here and here.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My heart...
5yo: Who is taking me to school today, you or Mummy?
Dad: Me today
5yo: Ohhhh, I wanted it to be Mummy
Dad: Why Mummy and not me?
5yo: Because Mummy looks so beautiful today, I want all the people in the street to see her and tell her she's beautiful
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#2
Someone else’s kid explained trampolines to me
At the park with my own sprogs and noticed a lad of about four staring at me when I heard his mother begging him not to point at the ‘wheelchair lady’. He disregarded this and after a minute came up to me and asked, ‘You can’t use a trampoline, can you?’
I confirmed I could not. ‘OK,’ says he, ‘I’ll show you what happens,’ and did some star jumps for me.
#3
The look on her face...priceless.
When my daughter was 4, she made my idiot mother-in-law drop her jaw to the floor on a couple of occasions.
Once when MIL was visiting, my daughter was drawing a picture of a girl.
MIL: That’s a very nice girl you’re drawing. Is that you?
Daughter: No, that’s another girl. She’s going to turn her boyfriend’s heart into a watermelon and he’s going to die.
MIL’s jaw hits the floor and she glares daggers at me, like I’m intentionally corrupting her granddaughter.
Other occasion. MIL is visiting and my daughter is pretend cooking in her kitchen play-set.
MIL: What are you making?
Daughter: Child soup.
MIL: (with a concerned look on her face) You mean soup made for children?
Daughter: No, soup made FROM children.
My daughter then proceeds to drop a plastic baby from her dollhouse into her plastic pot and stir it as MIL looks on in horror.
Good times...
#4
My 9 year old had an epiphany
Last year we got a puppy. We have 3 kids who were 6,7 and 9. Before getting the puppy we explained they will be responsible for most of his upkeep (within reason of course!) After 2 months of potty training and taking care of the puppy my 9 year old comes to me crying. He says "I don't know if this will make sense to you, but I'm burnt out. He always follows me everywhere, even the bathroom! I can't get a minute to myself! Then he doesn't listen and he has to be watched every minute! I'm exhausted!" It was all I could do to keep a straight face.
#5
Me, singing to 6-month-old as I change him for the day: “Who’s got big fat thighs and a big fat belly?” 3-year-old, from his room: “You do, mom!”
#6
Gender conversation with my sons.
5yr old: am I a boy or a girl?
Me: what do you want to be?
5yr old: a boy
Me: cool, you are a boy.
3yr old: I want to be chocolate.
Me: fine choice my friend. You are chocolate with some unfortunate cannibalistic tendencies.
#7
Secret
One of my preschoolers came up to me one morning, and she said “I have to whisper something in your ear.” You can only imagine what I was thinking, but I got down and leaned in. She whispered, “I love you” and then shyly smiled. It was the cutest thing to happen to me as a teacher so far.
#8
How to get ice cream
Friend’s 4YO asking my hubby: Can Mary (my daughter) have an ice cream after rock climbing?
Hubby: sure.
Friend’s 4YO asking his dad: Mary is having an ice cream after climbing. Can I have one too?
#9
Busy day ahead of us…
My 4 yo daughter woke up this morning and said she has sooo much work to do today. I asked her what kind of work she had to do. She said she had to eat all her cookies she baked yesterday and pet the cats.
#10
I have an 11 day old baby and 15 year old son
15yo: are you feeling better today?
Me: no, still pretty miserable. I’ll be making dinner tonight though. Time to get back into my routine.
15yo: that’s not a good idea, if you feel miserable.
Me (thinking) aww, he doesn’t want me to over exert myself. Sweet.
15yo: because then dinner won’t be good.
Me: right.
#11
Daughter asked how her brother was going to get out of my belly.....then chastised me.
She says “Mama how is the baby going to get out of your belly?”
Me: I push him out.
Her: GASPS MOMMY! It’s not nice to push anyone! He’s just a BABY!!”
I literally had to start writing these down!
#12
My daughter had something very interesting for dinner at her friends house.
I asked my daughter (4) what she had for dinner at her friends house. I already knew but wanted to talk to her about her time there. She says, “burgers and .. erm.. I don’t know what they are called.” I say, “erm.. chips?” She says, “no we had, when your knickers get stuck in your bum.”
Haha, Bless her, she had Burgers and wedges for dinner at her friends house.
Good out of the box thinking I thought.
#13
Daughter (about 4) and I were playing in the garden..
..we're playing around with dirt and leaves, and she tells me "Hey you're my boss and I'm the worker, okay?" "Ok good idea." "Phew, just moved more of those leaves for you boss." "Ah good job um, 'worker'!" She stops and looks at me like I'm utterly stupid "Mum, don't be ridiculous. My name's Kenneth."
#14
3 year old. Send burn cream
I wrote on the white board, "Do you want a sandwhich for lunch?"
He reads it a couple of times and I ask him if he could answer the question.
Then he asks, " Do you know how to spell?"
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