Multi-level marketing (MLM) is a direct sales strategy some companies use to encourage existing distributors to recruit new ones, offering them a percentage of their recruits' sales. It's a legitimate pyramid scheme. What separates it from the illegal ones is that distributors can make money not only through getting people to enroll into the program but by selling products as well.
However, regardless of legal status, a lot of people have lost money after they got into MLM—even for those companies who are considered legit, the bulk of the profits come from recruiting new members. This was covered well in this segment of HBO's Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.
Many huns (people who shill products/services for an MLM; the sellers have a tendency to frequently use the word 'hun' when initiating a sales pitch) are often trying to take their operations online, bombarding their contacts with obnoxious "get rich fast" proposals. So in an attempt to counter them and "stop MLM schemes from draining our friends dry", the subreddit r/antiMLM is trying to highlight just how ridiculous they can be. Continue scrolling and check out some of the most popular posts from the sub.
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Pharmacist Student Speaks Out
Fresh From Messenger
I Took Great Pleasure In This! (Haven't Seen This Person Since High School, And Even Then I Don't Think We Ever Talked To Each Other)
A “Hey Girl” Vortex
Till The Day I Die
Literacy Is Your Weapon Against BS
Thank God Lmao
I Need To Lose Weight It Seems
That is so wrong, and dangerous telling someone who looks so fit they are overweight. Glad she is so body confident.
Grow Up
This Got The Big Laugh
It Really Feels Like She’s Trying Connect With Me On A Personal Level
Very True
One Of My Facebook Friends Has Been A Professional Sound Engineer For Probably 20 Years...
Mom Of The Year Over Here
Found This In One Of My Facebook Groups. How Do These Huns Lack Empathy To This Degree?
Wait... Someone from what sounds like a hospital is using patient records to push her MLM on them? Isn't that a violation of some kind? Couldn't the woman who posted this actually take legal action?
Bette Midler Is Not A Hun
No Power, No Water, House Inside Is 35*f, Poor Cell Signal Here In Houston, Texas, But At Least I’m Not In A Pyramid Scheme/Mlm
Women Using Her 6 Year Old Student That Passed As Plug For Doterra
I think the grammar would be the least of your worries if they’re teaching children.
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This person should be fired from her teaching position. For having terrible grammar, for having an MLM "business" and for exploiting a child's death for said "business".
I would pull my kid out of that school so fast and report the post to the parents of the child that has passed
Thank god they can't smear whatever snake oil that is all over children.
She can't smear the oils, which are probably harmless, but she can infect their brains with her ideas, her lack of logical, rational thinking, and her "values". For me, her attitude and lack of compassion are far more worrying than the oils.
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i can't believe some people are so petty, they would use A CHILD'S DEATH to sell their product!
This lady is f*****g evil. She has a face I'd like to punch, and I've never met her. Smdh.
"its really helping with the loss of my student! try doTERRA! it really works!"
Oh a six year old is dead and their classmates are eagerly waiting their return at the breakfast table on monday by all means spread the stink of your burnt orange and head shop patchouli because that will help them overcome the loss of an entire human they saw every day.
I wonder if she has an oil that will help her be a less horrible human being that has some class and respect?
That monster needs to get fired and never be given another job requiring intelligence and integrity
Essential oils can be very dangerous to children, i hope someone stopped her using a diffuser in the classroom
Teachers are people, too. 😅😅😅😅 Some are intelligent, some are stupid; some are compassionate, some are greedy vultures...
Load More Replies... Dumbbîtch selfishness / lack of care about a dead child, dumbbîtch way of speaking “apply oil to the children” (wtf), dumbbîtch beliefs “the dead child is going to heaven” and the carelessness of spreading them to impressionable minds, and dumbbîtch marketing of MLMs. Sometimes violence is the answer.
Just hope none of the students were allergic to any of the ingredients.
Ok. Ok. This explains a lot about the state of the world these days.
Aaaand, how to trigger allergies on any children sensitive to that stinky s**t!
I am absolutely positive that she is lying about being a teacher too. What a creepy person.
Talk about an insensitive fraud. But if someone falls for this pitch, they deserve to be bilked.
This is so fug dub, I don't have words for it. Essential oils seem to be a thing in the US by now ... we europeans will eventually join, as many stupidities cross the pond after a while, still, although we, they, everybody is more than able to know more than better. Actually, with "Snake Oil" being a term used for pointless pseudomedicine, it surprises me a bit they call this one oil, too ... connection is made pretty fast ... OTOH, those who get this connection aren'T likely to fall for this anyway...
I have one FB friend in the UK who does essential oils.
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What a piece of s**t. Maybe let's pay teachers decent wages so they're not reduced to this pathetic state. You have to be pretty damn desperate to use a child's death as advertising for your Ponzi scheme
Wrong. This has nothing to do with salaries. This woman is a psycho. Full stop. There are no excuses for her behaviour.
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This doesn't look like a plug to me. It just looks like a goofy person coping in their own way.
It Be Like That
Mormons & Mlms Go Hand In Hand
Was My Response Too Much Hehe
I recovered from bulimia about 2 years ago..... and this is just gross.
Hun I Went To High School With Pedals Some Bulls**t Toothpaste. She Deleted My Comment Immediately
The Beginning Of Mlms
It Took Her 7 Minutes To Realize Her Mistake
I Got Blocked Immediately, Darn
You Just Have To Hope You Don’t Ever Run Into Them In Person
You May Have Seen This, I First Heard It As Selling Candles On Her Facebook, But... Tomato, Tomato
Yeah, Lauren
Glad It Wasnt A Hairy Situation
My Sister Texted Me This Morning
This Is The Best I've Seen So Far, Clearly The Oils Don't Make You Happier
You Love To See It
Carreer Day
Husband Has Had The Last Mlm Straw With His Hunbot Spouse
Divorce sounds like the best option. Severing finances and possibly declaring bankruptcy.
I Don't Know Her
"HOW THE HELL IS LAVENDER ESSENTIAL OILS GOING TO HELP ME GIVE BIRTH?!?!!"
Found At A Coffee Shop In India
Even Drag Queens Aren’t Immune
How Awful Can They Get?
Mlm Hun Tries To Give Career Advice To My Friend Who Is In Medical School
I Love When They Get Called Out. Checked Her Page And She Posts This Constantly
This Should Be Illegal. These Vultures Are Messing With Peoples' Lives! Just Put Some Hope On Your Ears If You're Suicidal. That'll Work!
Based On A True Story/Invitation I Just Received
Note: this post originally had 76 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.
Some essential oils can have medically proven beneficial properties, like helping you relax and to an extent relieving headaches. However, if the oil in question is from an MLM it will have the property of removing money from your wallet.
Which ones? Medically proven by whom? Can you provide the peer reviewed studies?
Load More Replies...
Oh, yes. We had an MLMer infiltrate PTSD peer group. That lasted about five minutes. They came in with their (company name) bag, and two of us said, "Did you buy it or are you selling for it?" They said "Both" and we two (the group 'moderators') said, "Door. Leave. Now. Or else. Good-bye." We were treated to some vile language, a promise of going to hell, and off the person stomped.
Good on you x 1000! How dare they blatantly attempt to target people who are already vulnerable in some fashion, at least in their eyes, and actively push them away from the correct help!! I saw on this post another bit with advice on saving urself with oils if you suffer spousal abuse: I didn't know anything could make me so angry so fast (I've been through domestic abuse for context). I'm glad your group has level headed monitors such as yourself!
Load More Replies... I'm not on Facebook or twitter or anything... Is this actually a big thing, or just a few random idiots?
It's a big thing, I have 10+ friend requests everyday, followed by invite to groups, followed by dms
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I will never forget the damn tupperware parties or bloody amway parties I was forced to attend as a child, or Avon catalogues my mother swore were the best thing for people to buy from! So glad that I came to realise exactly what that crap was as I got older and will avoid anything that so much as even remotely resembles a pyramid scheme. People who push that crap onto others should be shot, and so should the person who invented it!
I feel you. My aunt did all those, and as an adult, I've gone to four-five parties for MLM crap just to be nice to acquaintances, but.... No.
Load More Replies... 2 things that led to the explosion of MLMs: Social media, and the desperation brought on by the fact that wages haven’t kept up with inflation or production. Just straight up. The “Huns” wouldn’t need to do this if they weren’t desperate for any way out of the hell they live in. The fact that most of them are moms is telling too.
Going off the idea that new mums and stay-home mums need the work/etc. ... and often do, alas. But men do get targeted. Mancavecrafts was one. Vemma, I think. And I've seen guys sell Amway. The sad fact is, people assume direct sales works best on men, but scams work best on women, as if Bernie Madoff and all that didn't prove anyone is a sucker.
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I had a friend who fell for this. Some kind of detox/fasting program. She had just had her first child and had lost her regular job. She bought all the starters kit, I think some 600 euros, advertised how including this "company" was, probably sold some products, said it was an investment bla bla. She's not doing it anymore now (2 years after). I kind of feel sorry for her, they took advantage of her vulnerability at the time, though she should have known better.
A former colleague too but all she does now is blanting about network marketing, not even more about the products
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I am finding a positive correlation between number or emojis and quantity of bullshit.
I like certain essential oils because I find the fragrance pleasant, but seriously?! Bayberry might make me a little cheerier because it smells nice but I sure af wouldn’t tell a loved one to dab a little on their foot to cure depression. What the actual f?!
Essential oils essentially smell nice - that's all they do. Now, I will point out that a certain combination of lavender and jasmine does help me sleep, but that's entirely psychosomatic - it triggers a memory of the blanket my nan used to wrap me in when I was little. But unless your grandma also used lavender soap and grew jasmine in the garden where the laundry was hung to dry, it's highly unlikely that you would get even a smidgen of the same effect.
Load More Replies...
MLM hons piss me off so much. I used to get harassed on instrgram by Beach Body "Coaches" who wanted me to join their cult and/or give me advice on how to train. For the record I am an amateur Muay Thai fighter and Spartan Racer and I work with a real licensed professional trainer. But sure, Karen, tell me how to make my workouts more efficient.
Before the internet warned us of these things, I had a college business professor who tried to get me into Melaleuca. I had never heard of pyramid schemes or MLM. I signed up so I could buy some of the products and the program wanted me to buy a set amount of product every month and I still cannot fathom how a BUSINESS PROFESSOR at the college level thought a broke college student trying to just survive had any business in this program. Had I realized then what I know now, I probably would have complained to his superiors about it. It was wildly inappropriate.
Honest question for those of you in the US: is tupperware really a mlm company? In France, you find their products in shops, like any other plastic containers.
At one point, Tupperware was a sell-from-home product but it became a common retail item quite a while back.
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It has recently come to light that one of the greatest pyramid schemes of all time was the "Stop the Steal" campaign which was actively stealing money from its donors. When people made donation they had to seek out, though many lines of type, much in all caps, to box to "Opt out" of repeated donations and surrendered the right to set the frequency of the donations. This led to the Tangerine Toddler's minions setting up weekly auto-pay donations that drained people's bank accounts. The RNC and tRump organizations have so far had to repay over $65,000,000. Only about 20% of what was collected was spent on the legal battle, the rest went into their coffers to spend as they wish.
Years ago I was coming home on the train one night when I overheard a conversation between two men in the facing seats. One was saying that since his brother started selling Amway, he'd cut him (train man) out of his life because Amway told bro to remove all "negative" people from his life. Who did they define as negative? Why people who refuse to sell Amway, of course! MLMs really are cults.
I was young and clueless and nearly got sucked into one of these. We need to educate people as soon as we can, they're targeting younger and younger
Schools needs to teach how no not be scammed ie what a pyramid scheme is etc, how to pay taxes (for USA etc where it's done by the citizens), how to figure a monthly budget with hypothetical outgoings and an unexpected cost near the end of the month, etc. Things we need to know, but many never get explained to them. It's such an important part of knowing how to manage your adult life, and school is supposed to prepare you for today's world not the old world of "learn a skill/get a degree, then get a job for life". Those days are long gone.
Load More Replies...
I've had people try to get me to sign up for some kind of aloe Vera juice that they claimed helps with a chronic bowel problem I have. Aloe juice is a known irritant and at best would have made me very sick and at worse could have hospitalised me and left me requiring further surgery. Please do your research, and if you are in any doubt don't ingest anything without checking with your doctor. These companies really don't care if they make you ill as long as they push product onto you and sign you up.
I joined LinkdIn because... IDK why. I rarely used it, but apparently, some bot decided to. They sent messages to EVERYONE in my contacts about joining an MLM. I didn't find out until I received a few inbox messages politely declining my offer to join! There were contacts on there whom I barely knew (neighbors, people from junior high, current work associates). I DIED. I went to sign into my profile only to find I'd been kicked off for spamming everyone! So now I can't even send out an explanation. I'm so embarrassed if anyone thinks that's who I am now. Ugh.
This video is hilarious, sums it up brilliantly. https://youtu.be/HMGIbOGu8q0
MLMs be like "OMG I JUST MADE $10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 BY WORKING AT HOME SIGN UP MAKE FREE MONEY"
I once almost joined an MLM. Completely by accident. They were advertising for a Customer Service agent on Indeed. When I signed on they immediately demanded I buy their branded $400 Customer Service Test Kit. I never spoke to them since : )
I've encountered these people early on in life and being a lot more naive back then even went for some of these "talks". The business model didn't make sense to me even back then. But one common thing among them is their disdain for people working normal jobs or businesses. Often times, it's fanatical.
A long time ago I was an extremely sheltered 20 year old who didn't know this sort of thing existed. Got sucked into one for like 6 months. So so much cringe.
Ignorance from being sheltered is nothing to be ashamed of, I'm sorry you got suckered in, you weren't prepared. I was sheltered too, and I know it was done out of love and with the best of intentions, but I ended up learning a lot of life lessons the hard way too
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I hate how they've ruined essential oils. Essential oils can be useful if they are handled properly with the awareness that they are dangerous chemicals. Now if you try to discuss or online research proper culinary use of essential oils, or their use in scented soaps and candles (which can be a fun hobby/activity), you run into people who want to ingest it and put it on their skin undiluted instead of seeking medical care.
If you haven't seen On Becoming a God in Central Florida yet then you simply must! Great dark comedy about MLM. Kirsten Dunst is absolutely hilarious in it!
I have a feeling a lot of these people will be the same ones down the road telling me they've been trying to reach me about my vehicle's extended warranty.
I think a few friends of mine got into one of those. Has anyone heard of noni juice. It was supposed to be some kind of cure all. They only did it for five years tops.
It took me decades (literally) and many MLMs to realize that they are in fact just "legal" scams. I mean that sincerely. Each one convinces you it's somehow different, and that by giving them thousands and thousands of dollars a month for training and excessive products you cannot afford, and by alienating all your friends, you will somehow make money. Only the founders get rich, along with a few people who hit the lucky sales motherloads. Most "successful" members are, in fact, losing money, due of all the product they must buy. What really got me, however, was the "nutracuticals". Through ongoing medical research, I realized so much of it was not only BS, but life-threatening in the hands of eager salespeople. Often the "data" they use leaves out vital information - like those undissolved pills in the gut being designed to stay intact as carriers through the gut, or have not completed their journey and fully dissolved. Put that money in a bank instead - you'll come ahead.
A few years ago I applied for a job that sounded promising. I had to drive halfway across town. A bunch of people were signed in, and we watched a video in which (alleged) employees yapped on and on and on and on about how badly they were doing before they came on board this company. This went on for 15-20 minutes. I was about ready to yell "Cut to the chase!" or "Meanwhile, back at the ranch." I managed to sneak out on the pretense of hitting the head.
Some essential oils can have medically proven beneficial properties, like helping you relax and to an extent relieving headaches. However, if the oil in question is from an MLM it will have the property of removing money from your wallet.
Which ones? Medically proven by whom? Can you provide the peer reviewed studies?
Load More Replies... Oh, yes. We had an MLMer infiltrate PTSD peer group. That lasted about five minutes. They came in with their (company name) bag, and two of us said, "Did you buy it or are you selling for it?" They said "Both" and we two (the group 'moderators') said, "Door. Leave. Now. Or else. Good-bye." We were treated to some vile language, a promise of going to hell, and off the person stomped.
Good on you x 1000! How dare they blatantly attempt to target people who are already vulnerable in some fashion, at least in their eyes, and actively push them away from the correct help!! I saw on this post another bit with advice on saving urself with oils if you suffer spousal abuse: I didn't know anything could make me so angry so fast (I've been through domestic abuse for context). I'm glad your group has level headed monitors such as yourself!
Load More Replies... I'm not on Facebook or twitter or anything... Is this actually a big thing, or just a few random idiots?
It's a big thing, I have 10+ friend requests everyday, followed by invite to groups, followed by dms
Load More Replies... I will never forget the damn tupperware parties or bloody amway parties I was forced to attend as a child, or Avon catalogues my mother swore were the best thing for people to buy from! So glad that I came to realise exactly what that crap was as I got older and will avoid anything that so much as even remotely resembles a pyramid scheme. People who push that crap onto others should be shot, and so should the person who invented it!
I feel you. My aunt did all those, and as an adult, I've gone to four-five parties for MLM crap just to be nice to acquaintances, but.... No.
Load More Replies... 2 things that led to the explosion of MLMs: Social media, and the desperation brought on by the fact that wages haven’t kept up with inflation or production. Just straight up. The “Huns” wouldn’t need to do this if they weren’t desperate for any way out of the hell they live in. The fact that most of them are moms is telling too.
Going off the idea that new mums and stay-home mums need the work/etc. ... and often do, alas. But men do get targeted. Mancavecrafts was one. Vemma, I think. And I've seen guys sell Amway. The sad fact is, people assume direct sales works best on men, but scams work best on women, as if Bernie Madoff and all that didn't prove anyone is a sucker.
Load More Replies... I had a friend who fell for this. Some kind of detox/fasting program. She had just had her first child and had lost her regular job. She bought all the starters kit, I think some 600 euros, advertised how including this "company" was, probably sold some products, said it was an investment bla bla. She's not doing it anymore now (2 years after). I kind of feel sorry for her, they took advantage of her vulnerability at the time, though she should have known better.
A former colleague too but all she does now is blanting about network marketing, not even more about the products
Load More Replies... I am finding a positive correlation between number or emojis and quantity of bullshit.
I like certain essential oils because I find the fragrance pleasant, but seriously?! Bayberry might make me a little cheerier because it smells nice but I sure af wouldn’t tell a loved one to dab a little on their foot to cure depression. What the actual f?!
Essential oils essentially smell nice - that's all they do. Now, I will point out that a certain combination of lavender and jasmine does help me sleep, but that's entirely psychosomatic - it triggers a memory of the blanket my nan used to wrap me in when I was little. But unless your grandma also used lavender soap and grew jasmine in the garden where the laundry was hung to dry, it's highly unlikely that you would get even a smidgen of the same effect.
Load More Replies... MLM hons piss me off so much. I used to get harassed on instrgram by Beach Body "Coaches" who wanted me to join their cult and/or give me advice on how to train. For the record I am an amateur Muay Thai fighter and Spartan Racer and I work with a real licensed professional trainer. But sure, Karen, tell me how to make my workouts more efficient.
Before the internet warned us of these things, I had a college business professor who tried to get me into Melaleuca. I had never heard of pyramid schemes or MLM. I signed up so I could buy some of the products and the program wanted me to buy a set amount of product every month and I still cannot fathom how a BUSINESS PROFESSOR at the college level thought a broke college student trying to just survive had any business in this program. Had I realized then what I know now, I probably would have complained to his superiors about it. It was wildly inappropriate.
Honest question for those of you in the US: is tupperware really a mlm company? In France, you find their products in shops, like any other plastic containers.
At one point, Tupperware was a sell-from-home product but it became a common retail item quite a while back.
Load More Replies... It has recently come to light that one of the greatest pyramid schemes of all time was the "Stop the Steal" campaign which was actively stealing money from its donors. When people made donation they had to seek out, though many lines of type, much in all caps, to box to "Opt out" of repeated donations and surrendered the right to set the frequency of the donations. This led to the Tangerine Toddler's minions setting up weekly auto-pay donations that drained people's bank accounts. The RNC and tRump organizations have so far had to repay over $65,000,000. Only about 20% of what was collected was spent on the legal battle, the rest went into their coffers to spend as they wish.
Years ago I was coming home on the train one night when I overheard a conversation between two men in the facing seats. One was saying that since his brother started selling Amway, he'd cut him (train man) out of his life because Amway told bro to remove all "negative" people from his life. Who did they define as negative? Why people who refuse to sell Amway, of course! MLMs really are cults.
I was young and clueless and nearly got sucked into one of these. We need to educate people as soon as we can, they're targeting younger and younger
Schools needs to teach how no not be scammed ie what a pyramid scheme is etc, how to pay taxes (for USA etc where it's done by the citizens), how to figure a monthly budget with hypothetical outgoings and an unexpected cost near the end of the month, etc. Things we need to know, but many never get explained to them. It's such an important part of knowing how to manage your adult life, and school is supposed to prepare you for today's world not the old world of "learn a skill/get a degree, then get a job for life". Those days are long gone.
Load More Replies... I've had people try to get me to sign up for some kind of aloe Vera juice that they claimed helps with a chronic bowel problem I have. Aloe juice is a known irritant and at best would have made me very sick and at worse could have hospitalised me and left me requiring further surgery. Please do your research, and if you are in any doubt don't ingest anything without checking with your doctor. These companies really don't care if they make you ill as long as they push product onto you and sign you up.
I joined LinkdIn because... IDK why. I rarely used it, but apparently, some bot decided to. They sent messages to EVERYONE in my contacts about joining an MLM. I didn't find out until I received a few inbox messages politely declining my offer to join! There were contacts on there whom I barely knew (neighbors, people from junior high, current work associates). I DIED. I went to sign into my profile only to find I'd been kicked off for spamming everyone! So now I can't even send out an explanation. I'm so embarrassed if anyone thinks that's who I am now. Ugh.
This video is hilarious, sums it up brilliantly. https://youtu.be/HMGIbOGu8q0
MLMs be like "OMG I JUST MADE $10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 BY WORKING AT HOME SIGN UP MAKE FREE MONEY"
I once almost joined an MLM. Completely by accident. They were advertising for a Customer Service agent on Indeed. When I signed on they immediately demanded I buy their branded $400 Customer Service Test Kit. I never spoke to them since : )
I've encountered these people early on in life and being a lot more naive back then even went for some of these "talks". The business model didn't make sense to me even back then. But one common thing among them is their disdain for people working normal jobs or businesses. Often times, it's fanatical.
A long time ago I was an extremely sheltered 20 year old who didn't know this sort of thing existed. Got sucked into one for like 6 months. So so much cringe.
Ignorance from being sheltered is nothing to be ashamed of, I'm sorry you got suckered in, you weren't prepared. I was sheltered too, and I know it was done out of love and with the best of intentions, but I ended up learning a lot of life lessons the hard way too
Load More Replies... I hate how they've ruined essential oils. Essential oils can be useful if they are handled properly with the awareness that they are dangerous chemicals. Now if you try to discuss or online research proper culinary use of essential oils, or their use in scented soaps and candles (which can be a fun hobby/activity), you run into people who want to ingest it and put it on their skin undiluted instead of seeking medical care.
If you haven't seen On Becoming a God in Central Florida yet then you simply must! Great dark comedy about MLM. Kirsten Dunst is absolutely hilarious in it!
I have a feeling a lot of these people will be the same ones down the road telling me they've been trying to reach me about my vehicle's extended warranty.
I think a few friends of mine got into one of those. Has anyone heard of noni juice. It was supposed to be some kind of cure all. They only did it for five years tops.
It took me decades (literally) and many MLMs to realize that they are in fact just "legal" scams. I mean that sincerely. Each one convinces you it's somehow different, and that by giving them thousands and thousands of dollars a month for training and excessive products you cannot afford, and by alienating all your friends, you will somehow make money. Only the founders get rich, along with a few people who hit the lucky sales motherloads. Most "successful" members are, in fact, losing money, due of all the product they must buy. What really got me, however, was the "nutracuticals". Through ongoing medical research, I realized so much of it was not only BS, but life-threatening in the hands of eager salespeople. Often the "data" they use leaves out vital information - like those undissolved pills in the gut being designed to stay intact as carriers through the gut, or have not completed their journey and fully dissolved. Put that money in a bank instead - you'll come ahead.
A few years ago I applied for a job that sounded promising. I had to drive halfway across town. A bunch of people were signed in, and we watched a video in which (alleged) employees yapped on and on and on and on about how badly they were doing before they came on board this company. This went on for 15-20 minutes. I was about ready to yell "Cut to the chase!" or "Meanwhile, back at the ranch." I managed to sneak out on the pretense of hitting the head.
