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Someone Asks Internet Users To Share Examples Of What Toxic Femininity Looks Like, And Here Are 35 Of The Most Accurate Insights
Interview With Author
Just like anybody can learn to be a wonderful, kind, and caring person, everybody has the potential to be an awful, cruel, and malicious individual. Being a horrible human being who spreads negativity and misery isn’t restricted by gender, age, race, or culture.
However, the internet usually tends to hyper-focus on toxic masculinity, suggesting that it’s mainly only guys who have the potential to be terrible human beings. That’s not the case. This time, we’re shining a light on some honest examples of what toxic femininity looks like, as shared by internet users in this candid and blunt r/AskReddit thread.
When you’re done scrolling through this list and sharing your opinions, Pandas, you should consider reading Bored Panda’s previous articles about toxic femininity here and here. Meanwhile, if you’d like to learn what toxic masculinity looks like, you should take a peek at our articles here and here. And remember, in a world where you can be anything, choose to be kind.
Bored Panda reached out to redditor u/imogen2797 who was kind enough to answer our questions and share her insights about toxic femininity. "I think a lot of toxic femininity is caused by jealousy, the need for a hierarchy and similarly, in a way, to feel empowered by bringing down other women," she told us.
"Toxic femininity refers to behaviors held by women that aim to bring down/harm other women. Examples include telling a woman that she’s a bad mother if she chooses not to breastfeed, bullying other women for wearing too much makeup, being too fat/too skinny, the list goes on." You'll find our full interview with the author of the viral thread below, Pandas.
Bored Panda also got in touch with British psychotherapist Silva Neves who shared his thoughts about toxic behaviors. He stressed that it’s very important to highlight that “people are not toxic as and of themselves.” In other words, it’s the ideas and belief systems that are at fault, not necessarily the people themselves. Read on for his insights as well.
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I hate the whole "oh if you hold a baby you'll want one" or "baby smell is the best" or my least favorite "you're so good with kids, you'll be a great mom!" comments. NOT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO BE A MOM, NOT EVERY WOMAN EVEN LIKES KIDS! The fact that I'm a decent human being to my friends kids doesn't mean I'll be a good mom. You know what I love? My current lifestyle. I didn't work today and you know what I did? I sat in bed, ate chocolate, watched Ice Cold Killers, and now I'm gonna take a nice long nap at 3 in the afternoon! How in gods name whould a child enhance my life in any way? I'm 26 and the constant barrage of "you're not getting any younger" comments are starting to get under my skin.
Redditor u/imogen2797, who created the thread on r/AskReddit in the first place, told Bored Panda that she personally believes that jealousy and bullying lie at the core of toxic femininity, not manipulation and passive aggression.
"Unfortunately, both toxic femininity and toxic masculinity seem to have their roots deep in our society at this current stage. For someone who is in the firing line of this, I would suggest seeking support from like-minded women, as well as calling out toxic behaviors as they happen," she shared her thoughts on what someone should do if they find themselves a victim of toxic femininity. It's vital to have firm boundaries, as well as the courage to cut toxic people out of your life.
"People can (mostly) choose the people they surround themselves with, and if something isn’t serving you in a positive way, cut it out."
Assuming men are never the victim of physical abuse or intimidation.
Meanwhile, for someone who recently figured out that they are a toxic individual, this sense of recognition is a good start. "I think 99% of women will at some point hold toxic views about other women in some way or another, but it is so important to value body autonomy and the rights that women have to choose what they want to do with their bodies and lives. In a world that is ruled by men, we need to lift up other women instead of tearing them down," the redditor said.
The author of the thread also opened up about the inspiration for the question. "I first heard the term ‘toxic femininity’ when I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a post that read, 'When are we gonna start talking about toxic femininity for a change?' To be honest, at first, I thought it was a cop-out written by men to deflect an issue that faces that community so heavily, back onto women. I posted to Reddit to get opinions on both sides and I realized that toxic femininity is actually a really prevalent issue that women face," she shared with us.
"On the one hand, I’m glad that the post got so much attention because it brings light to an issue that isn’t talked about very much. On the other hand, I did notice a lot of the comments were from men using the term ‘toxic femininity’ as a mask to hate on women and be sexist in general, e.g ‘acting as if men are put on earth to serve women,’ ‘most feminists,’ and ‘forever victimhood,’ ‘wanting the same wages as men but less work,’" the redditor stressed that some people have a very subjective understanding of toxicity and use it to further their own goals.
Girls who hit guys because they know the guy won’t hit them back
“I think it is very important to highlight that people are not toxic as and of themselves. When we describe toxic masculinity, we do not mean that some men are toxic, we mean that the ideas and belief systems that promote strict and unrealistic ideals of masculinity are toxic—the beliefs are, not the men themselves,” psychotherapist Silva told Bored Panda.
“These beliefs may encourage unpleasant behaviors—behaviors can be challenged and changed too, but we don't need to change who they are, just what they believe and how they act upon those beliefs. The same goes for toxic femininity. Being kinder, more tolerant, and more caring involves talking and connecting to a diversity of people, rather than staying in the echo chamber of only interacting with the people sharing the same beliefs.”
The expert pointed out that everyone is flawed, whether they have toxic beliefs or not. “If you are aware that you have some flaws that get in the way of living a good life, you can see a therapist to make sense of it, learn to live with it, be kinder to yourself and also learn to challenge and change some of your thought and behavioral patterns to learn to live with your own integrity and values and not against them,” Silva said that reaching out to a professional for help can be a very important step in growing as a person.
Putting women down for choosing not to have children. As if the only reason we were put on earth was to be baby makers
"Real women have meat on their bones." No. No no. Real women exist regardless of size.
I see a lot of body positive women that s**t on my girlfriend for working out and keeping her body hairless. They always say she should be more loving of her body and embrace her body hair.
It’s annoying. She does it cause SHE likes it. She goes to the gym and does deadlifts cause it empowers her and makes her feel AMAZING. Like, we all have different ideals and visions for our life. And after moisturizing herself and shaving she likes to rub her legs together like a cricket, and nobody should be taking that little slice of heaven from her.
According to Silva, toxic femininity is a rare phenomenon. “On the other hand, toxic masculinity is quite prevalent because our society is embedded in sexism against women and misogyny. Once again, we have an example of that when women have to fight for the human rights of abortion,” he said.
“Heterosexual men do not need to fight for their rights because traditionally they are the ones making the rules—which is the very roots of encouraging toxic masculinity. The only time when toxic femininity might be noticed is on social media on forums when women promote the idea that all men are bad, and to its extreme promoting the movement of 'kill all men'. This is what we call misandry, the hate of men.”
Fake domestic violence or r*pe accusations.
This is why I feel like the phrase "every woman should be believed" should be changed to "every woman should be taken seriously."
Not every woman is truthful, so we can't go in with the mindset of "oh, she's definitely innocent." At the same time, we can't let cases of false accusations prevent us from taking a case seriously because "she may be another liar."
Sadly, people are bound to make decisions on who's innocent and who's not without even watching the trial.
Using the asterisk to replace letters in words like "Rape"'' "suicide"and "murder" is so stupid and useless. Either type out the whole word or just stay away from the subjects.
The quote “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
Basically expecting a partner to put up with your drama as proof of them actually being into you/making them jump through hoops to prove they’re into you.
The male equivalent is the "only God can judge me" tattoo.....I will immediately judge you if you have that tattoo,especially if it's on your neck...
Sometimes your best just isn't good enough for someone to put up with the worst.
Wise words. We all have our moments, but the good times need to outweigh the problems.
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Yes!!! I don't even like me at my worst and I am stuck with me, you don't deserve that!
If you can’t handle me at my diddliest, then you can’t handle me at my doodliest 🤣
Well sweetheart clearly then you cannot handle your worst either and it is time to grow up.
I don't read this as a comment on someone who has a lot of drama going on. I interpret it as if you want to be here when I am fun and having a great time and on top of the world then I need to be able to count on you to be supportive when I am going through a tough time.
I think the phrase for better or worse is related to stuff that is beyond you control, e.g. hard financial times or serious sickness etc. I have never seen it apply to not knowing how to behave properly.
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Thing is, I always took that quote as a positive in the sense that it determines who'll *really* be there for you when it matters and not just when it's convenient/fun. Like would the people around Cinderella when she's a princess still be there if/when she was poor or is it just the talking mice? 🤔
Toxic women are often called ‘nice girls’ or even ‘Karens.’ They’re often egocentric, arrogant, put others down, and are entitled to the point of looking like Sunday cartoon villains. They firmly believe that the world owes them, and they will manipulate, lie, and cheat their way to whatever goal they have in mind. Everyone else be damned. So, in other words, not all that different from walking paragons of toxic masculinity (aka ‘nice guys’ and ‘Kyles’).
Redditor u/CTFOE_is_Fee, one of the moderators running the r/Nicegirls subreddit about toxic women, explained to Bored Panda during a previous interview why someone is a ‘nice girl.’
"Some of them are too immature to realize what they're doing. Others are that manipulative on purpose. Lastly, some do not even realize what they're doing," they told us.
Telling mothers that they should “suck it up” and deal with postpartum depression without help because women from previous generations were able to raise children without any complaints.
No, Carol. I’m f**king miserable, and there’s nothing shameful about getting the treatment I need to cope with my depression.
Expecting all the affection and love in the world from their boyfriends and never showing a glimpse of it towards them. Men DO have feelings you know?
Saying that mothers who adopt aren't real moms. I'm adopted and I got all the love and support I needed from my mom. She continues to put her all into her kids and grandkids. I'll be damned if anyone says she isn't a real mom because she didn't give birth to me and my siblings.
Someone once said a quote, "Mom is a verb, not a noun" meaning one can nourish and care like a mom but not be one in actuality. I think it's a nice quote.
They shared their opinion on where the line lies between actual, genuine niceness and fake, manipulative ‘niceness’ meant to exploit someone.
"Personally, for me, the line is drawn when you can tell that someone is being passive-aggressive; when you can sense the subdued maliciousness in their words and actions. If your gut is telling you that something is not genuine about the person then they probably are not genuine. I think we've all experienced a few relationships like that in our lives. I do not see there being a large grey area between the two. You know when someone is being kind or not,” moderator u/CTFOE_is_Fee said.
According to Forbes, toxic femininity in the workplace revolves around backstabbing others, failing to support other women in their success, as well as being a “tool of the patriarchy to undermine femininity.”
Toxic femininity is often expressed through passive aggression. “It’s when we allow relationships and productivity to suffer because we’re not being honest about our own objectives, or when we are assuming we know best with a ‘caring’ face. It's being a ‘Karen’ and it's not a step forward from patriarchal systems of control. It might not involve yelling, but it’s still manipulating other people,” Forbes writes, adding that the antidote to this and to toxic masculinity are good leadership skills.
When we are blind supporters of other women. Like, a woman uninvited slapping another woman's ass isn't as bad because it's a woman. Cardi B drugging and robbing dudes isn't bad because men have done that to women for ever. We don't get passes because we've been victims.
Also, women who refuse to accept that men can also be victims of the patriarchy. Sure, it f**ks us all in different ways to different extents, but still.
The whole “mamma bear” knows better than a medical professional about anything to with their children.
The idea that women should be meek and pretty 24/7, and if you are a loud, tomboyish woman, you’re not a real woman.
As a lifelong tomboy, I’ve been put down a lot for not wearing makeup and doing “manly jobs”. I’ve actually got some internalized misogyny as a result. I have a much harder time trusting other women than I have trusting men, because in my experience, it’s mostly other women who accuse me of not being a woman.
And the modern-day variation....If you're into soccer/climbing trees/computers/whatever "boyish" thing you happen to be in to - "are you sure you're not a lesbian?" or, and yes I've genuinely heard this asked of a 14-15 y/o girl once - "are you sure you're not actually a boy?". I'm 100% OK with gay or trans people, really I am, but trying to push someone into it because their hobbies happen to fall in the wrong box is at least as misogynistic as not accepting trans people. Accept that some girls may be...skater girls who like beer and trucks, but still are very much a girl and not a boy, okay?
Placing your entire self-worth on being desirable to men, or assuming any woman who dislikes you must be jealous of your desirability. Not knowing who you are without male attention.
Love yourself alone first. Please don’t expect anyone to complete you. Goes for a partner or a job or a child.
Thinking that being in a romantic relationship/marriage or being able to have children makes you inherently better than women who aren’t.
Defaulting to the female parental figure in all things child-related.
I worked an hour's drive away, my husband worked 15 minutes away. We clearly listed him as the primary emergency contact on all school forms and even noted that he was closest. We told the kid to specifically request they call Dad.
Every time there was an emergency, guess who got called? I would then instruct them to call my husband because my leaving work to take the kid home means they have to deal with an extra hour or so of projectile vomit (or whatever).
We ended up just listing his number as mine.
Stupid!
Using “feminism” as a shield to justify every s**tty thing they do.
ANYONE who tries to hijack the term Feminist/Feminism by equating it with being a b***h/ugly/angry/single/childless can f*** all the way off. Male or female, doesn't matter.
S*itting on stay at home moms or Sex Workers because you don't understand their choices . Feminism means we all get to choose our own path . Not everyone wants a high prowered career and that's Ok.
"No man is ever allowed to hit a woman, in any circumstances."
Uh, hell no. I'm a woman, but I fully expect that if I started punching a guy or trying to k**l him, that he would be well within his rights to give me a slap. Being female doesn't mean you get to start physical fights and face no repercussions.
"If you gave birth through c-section, you're not a real mom."
What. The. F**k? Suddenly 9 months of pregnancy, a terrifying procedure and caring for a newborn doesn't count because MacDuff from his mother's womb was untimely ripped? Whose baby is this then, since apparently no mothers are present?
"all other girls are b*tches"
If you're a girl and think that, that's a you problem
Karens are a prime example. They show peak entitlement found more often in women then men. Everything must be done for them. They are a mother or they're a "struggling" woman who should be given everything she wants.
There's also abusive women. Abusive men will hit you, abusive women will give you several mental and emotional disorders and claim you made it all up while you suffer alone in silence. I know this from personal experience having an abusive biological father and step mother.
If a woman does hit you, you aren't allowed to hit back. If you defend yourself you're the aggressor because... men big?
this is true like im six foot two at fourteen if I get into a fight im the bad guy automatically because im scary
Last week: 3 women admiring my fiancé’s new engagement ring (which is a bit flashy)
My fiancé tells them it’s lab-made, which is what she wanted
One of them responded with “Oh, that doesn’t count then”
I had an ex who laughed and took advantage of me after I cried in front of her. She told me she didn’t see me as a man and that crying is for girls.
The expectation of doing emotional labour. If you fall short of being the default caretaker/nurturer in any way, you are a bad woman. If you don’t put your family’s needs before your own all the time, you might be called a bad mom, a bad wife, or a bad daughter or sister, etc. Meanwhile women who sacrifice themselves completely to take care of others are good mothers, good wives, etc
Similarly, the overly glorified societal idea that a woman’s love is supposed to fix her partner. I read a lot of romance novels and wow is hetero romance content overwhelmingly saturated with the idea that even the most broken person (usually a man in the examples I have personally read) can be healed by the true love of the other person (usually a woman in the examples I have read). There’s no therapy, no focus on healthy ways to deal with trauma, just the idea that some woman can walk into some broken man’s life and completely heal him instantly with “true love”.
Yes it's very common and quite "accepted". But in reality internalized misogyny. You can see it on a structural level as well, like when I was in uni to become a social worker. We had about 90% women in class and most wanted to "help others" as their first priority. Among the men who took the program most wanted to have leadership positions and figured it was a quite easy field to advance in because well... we'll always need social work and it's universal enough to be able to go in different directions. I guess it's the same with nurses for example.
Using your period as an excuse to be physically or emotionally abusive.
Turns out my mom was just a b**ch, not PMS'ing.
Being unable to critize another woman for sh*t she did since "women support each other". Has the exact same energy as frat guys saying "bro code".
Mothers who tell their sons that they are less than equal, based on gender alone.
“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”
“The future is female, not male.”
That type of stuff.
We’re all in this world together and equally capable of greatness and kindness. Please don’t tell your kids otherwise. If you teach someone they’re “less than,” you’re giving them a lifelong hall pass to be a selfish jerk because you don’t need them anyway.
Being all “Claire!! Hiiiii it’s soo good to seee youuuuu oh my goooodddd!!!!” in that obnoxious tone of voice, to every single woman in the group, then turning around and talking the most nasty gossip you can behind their backs or purposely being snaky to the group. This is so toxic, if you don’t like the people you spend time with then drop the mask and stop shoving “positive vibes” down their throats.
Women are expected to be loving, nurturing and kind. If you are less than 100% in each dept it is noticed. Men are expected to be aggressive and to ignore emotions, when they do anything MORE than that it is noticed. The bar is set so high for women that it's easy to look like a harridan..
Girls who start an argument or fight with a stranger and expect their bf/husband/partner to be the one to handle the fall out.
Just generally assuming men are made of emotional rubber and can bounce back from anything,then accusing a man of “male fragility” if they don’t.
When a guy has an really good platonic male friend who he enjoys spending time with , and a woman thinks it’s odd and says “ you two should get it over with and make out/have sex” as if men only become close if sex is involved.
yet if men do that with two female platonic friends they are called a pervert
Believing that its a man's job to impress her when she's dating. If you like someone ACT AS THOUGH YOU LIKE THEM. Dating is an equal exchange of time and emotional labour, if she feels like she needs further financial compensation beyond that (paying for the food/show/whatever it is) then maybe she don't like him enough.
The "I get along with guys better."
I cringe because I used to be like this. Don't discount a whole gender. There's a lot of awesome women out there, find them and befriend them! Not all guys are awesome so why assume all women aren't?
Queen bee bullying at the workplace. Basically, letting high school never end. About 60% of women experience it.
Both men and women want 20% more to work for a woman boss. - Newsweek survey.
Shaming other girls/women for not doing/liking the sane things you do and implying that their preferences make them "not real women" or similar. Basically saying that your way to be a woman is the only valid way.
When a woman starts talking about what “a real man” would do in a given situation
Women who have no problem bullying, harassing and making all around horrible comments about men and their "fragile egos" but will then proceed to go off the deep end if someone says something even slightly negative about them
I've started reading a lot of forums of expecting mothers and mothers, and is terrifying to see how much pressure there is regarding birthing and motherhood: "you'll never be a proper mother if you have a c-section"; "you will never bond properly/be a good mother if you don't breastfeed"; "if you don't do X or Y or Z your child will be unhappy/unloved/will die and it will be your fault".
And measuring a woman's worth over the power of their vaginas: "shame on you for doing IVF", "there must be something wrong if you had only miscarriages", "adopting is fine, but is the acceptance of failure", "bio moms are best moms".
Whatever is happening in Facebook birthing/mom groups. Some women are so out of touch with reality and high on toxic femininity that they think their uteruses are better than any doctor and that their feminine intuition supercedes any medical testing or intervention available today. Women are being brainwashed into skipping fetal testing and to avoid medical intervention even in life or death situations. It is literally killing mothers and babies and injuring a lot more.
Is it just me or is the term “Happy wife, happy life!” a little messed up? I’ve mostly been told this from women but idk it sounds purely a way to be controlling of your partner
The vocab “Girl Boss/Boss Babe”. We aren’t girls, we are women, and we are simply bosses. We don’t say “Boy Boss” or “Boss Dude”. Women shouldn’t perpetuate this.
Also-women disregarding/questioning other women’s stories of sexual harassment.
Women acting superior than other women if they aren’t married and have kids. Or for that matter, minimizing stay at home moms. Or judging women with successful careers. It just needs to stop.
Childless stay at home wives exist as well. Some of these women struggle with self worth because society doesn't find worth in a childless or jobless woman. There are reason for living this way, and even so. One should never feel like they have to explain themselves.
Older women bullying and harassing younger women starting the work force. I see this A LOT
Yeah, me too and it's sad. I'm old enough to not be in that position anymore but young enough to know what it felt like. But I also had a different take on it as years went by. I used to see older women as very bitter and sad and I thought it was their personality. Now I sort of understand that it's part of living a bit longer, maybe especially as a woman, too. You get tired of b******t and being held back on a different level and see these young women as naive and hopeful. Doesn't make it right though. We should lift them so they CAN be hopeful and have a better life instead of tearing them down to the same level of bitterness.
"Believe all women" is extremely toxic in my opinion. Allegations should be taken seriously. Automatically believing an accuser simply because they are a woman is toxic.
i agree with this because a false allegation even if proven false can destroy a mans life
Believing there is a certain way to be a woman and using social pressure to enforce that on other woman and punish those who act differently. Denigrating other women for not dressing fashionably or wearing makeup or putting family first or whatever their stereotype of being properly feminine is.
Either believing that women should be demure, gentle, non-confrontational, and submissive to men, OR going the complete opposite and thinking that acting like a self-centered jerk all the time and purposely hurting others means you are being a strong powerful goddess.
Neither is correct. Women should not have to be soft little flowers all the time, but it's also not okay to be a jerk. Assert yourself confidently but don't be a jerk about it.
Mom’s that over coddle their kids to the point they don’t have to do, and as a result can’t do, anything for themselves.
Body positivity that only applies to women. Because some men are just too short…
Abusive or possessive behavior, not only towards their husband/wife, but also towards friends and family
The classic “if you scream at me, I’ll call the police and tell them you hit me even though I’m the wrong here”
Testing. This applies to testing their romantic partners just as much as their friends/family. Where they intentionally put someone in a situation that is rigged against them in order to judge them in some fashion based on their reaction.
I'm not claiming this is a feminine-only trait, but in my personal experience I've seen it come from women much more than men.
My sister's friend recently gave her permission to pursue a guy they were mutually attracted to. My sister did, and it turned out that the friend was only testing to see if my sister was "a real friend" or not. Yikes.
My sister once said I had toxic masculinity when I didn't want my nails painted. I've asked her to work out with me a few times and she always says "No, girls with muscles look like gross men."
Thinking men are horndogs waiting to bestowed the gift of sex. Then becoming upset when a man isnt instantly hard or doesn't want to have sex.
This one is so important. And I'm guilty of buying into this idea myself. I always felt it was something wrong in my relationship when the guy didn't want sex. Like all men would be constantly ready to go and if they are not it's something wrong with me, or them, or the relationship. It's really toxic. Of course men can have lower sex drives or just not be into it at the moment. And impotence issues are real and should be treated with respect, it doesn't make anyone less of a man.
Mother hens (matriarchs) controlling their group of friends: where they do, what they do, who they meet and associate with. Controlling people’s behaviour basically
You could consider Sl*t-Shaming as toxic feminity. As I understand, sl*t shaming more often occurs between women as a way to regulate casual sex and promiscuity so that women who don’t want to “give it away” won’t have to in order to compete in the dating scene
knowingly pursuing men in committed relationships/unavailable men, and then calling their partners “not true women” for being upset with said woman for seducing their man.
yes, I know the man is responsible too. I just don’t understand why women pursue unavailable men and believe it’s their “right” as single, independent women to.
It takes two to tango…. But you don’t have to agree to dance.
I’m 21F, and so many girls around my age deliberately act stupid because they believe they will get men. They make superficial statements on topics that they barely know anything about, they don’t use common sense when approached with everyday situations, and they want to just present themselves as “hard to get.”
Or they read it on some website, magazine or blog..."10 Things Women Do That Men Love"!
That having a negative opinion about a female character instantly makes you a misogynist. I should be allowed to not like a movie despite the fact that it wasn't intended for my demographic. Sometimes its just poorly written.
Cattiness or instant competition between women. For example, 1 woman works in a male-dominated office. Another woman is hired. The original woman automatically takes a disliking to the new girl, just because she is a girl (ie marking her territory or sensing competition).
Girls who are “not like other girls”, girls who are cruel to women who choose to stay at home to raise children, girls who expect men to pay for everything for them
Playing both sides of the gender card. Wanting special treatment and chivalry. Insisting on equality at the same time as expecting to be treated everywhere they go.
In long term relationships when doing housework and watching the kids is falling into roles but expecting the guys to make the most money, do manual labor and that is just expected. Then when it comes to divorce getting as much alimony and exploiting every legal position to gain.
The "Gay Friend" trend. It reinforces the idea that LGBT men are not real men, and are closer to women. This also applies to nonbinary people. It's an ideal that applies to both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity, and implies that femininity in any way simply makes you a woman, which is not the case, and encourages gatekeeping of gender.
To me, this trend also seems to make folks into "props" because it's trendy. No one should be treated like that.
So one thing I've noticed raising a little girl, is that women all ask her who her favourite friend is. Ranking friendship is toxic.
What a bizzare question? I get relating to a young person can be difficult for some and typical questions I've heard asked of my children are "what grade are you in now?" "What do you want to be when you grow up?". The ones I shut down are "do you have a boyfriend yet?" Because of the insinuation that she should be sexually/romantically motivated. She's four Mavis, she's friends with everyone, even the dishwasher. Stop spouting innuendos at a child.
Attacks on my masculinity for not providing enough.
Being cheated on for not providing enough.
Having boundaries and being accused of being insecure or having an ego for having said boundaries.
Victimhood or no accountability, they can do no wrong and when they do wrong, I’m less of a man for showing emotion from being mad or sad about it.
List goes on…
None of this is acceptable. Some people do run up credit card bills by living beyond their means, sometimes there are medical bills, etc, and sometimes people get laid off or fired for no fault of their own. To blame a man for life events is completely condescending and should never happen. Maybe she can go get a job to help out instead of putting everything on the man.
I work at a car repair shop. The amount of times I get “I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman that you think I don’t know about cars but…”
I’m just sitting there like /surprisedpikachuface
Listen. I treat everyone the same, and for this very reason, am open and honest with women as if it was my own mom coming in for repair. Woman, man, whoever! I don’t want to set a precedent because I know there are a lot of seedy dudes out there, but god damnit. You’re a friggen equal, don’t bring that fufu s**t to my desk.
My ex-boss (female) who spoke about feminism and woman empowerment and then gave my female colleague anxiety attacks though persistent bullying.
Just dropping an ‘I hate men’ into a conversation with male coworkers. I have no idea how to respond to it and feel bad.
Expecting to have greater say in parenting matters.
Agree (with the exception of pregnancy and childbirth because that is her body and only about that, like it or not). But otherwise I agree. To not have fathers decide and take an equal part of raising children is to shoot yourself in the foot. You should discuss and do parenting equally or you'll take on a lot of extra work. Let him buy them clothes, take the kids with him (he can handle it), or take equally part of family schedules and activities.
That girl back in HS that knew I sorta had a crush on her that would hit me up whenever she had a car issue or was simply looking for a free lunch.
you must like "feminine" things like make up, dresses, pink, ponies
liking "boy" things like sports, video game or getting dirty makes you a tomboy and thus you're a weirdo
“All men are evil,” and “believe all women”
Makeup and fashion fans bullying you for how you show your femininity and performing it not being your priority. If your makeup is not flawless and in trend, not okay. If you don't wear feminine, flattering clothes, not okay.
I notice the depiction (still) of women in magazines etc and compare them to our local paper's pictures in the marriage section. There is a great disparity between what men are finding attractive in a long term mate and what magazines are telling us we should look like. In other words this is being done deliberately to make us feel bad and buy products to 'fix' the problem..
I had a friend take me to meet a guy she liked because she wasn't sure if he was cute enough. I said he's cute but she decided he's not cute and so she flirted woth other guys in front of him so he would get the hint.
Only a very few of these are genuine examples of toxic femininity. Most of them are internalized misogyny and a whole lot of them are not toxic femininity but toxic culture perpetuated by both men and women.
I agree. Toxic femininity applies to what things are aceptable for a woman in your eyes. So a good example would be "csection is not real birth" or "you cannot be a real woman if you have short hair". Things like "men cannot be abused" are sexist but not toxic femininity. Same as "purses are for women only" or "men dont cry" is toxic masculinity but "women belong to the kitchen" is disgustingly sexist but not TM
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I know some women who push that "men are trash" ideology. They can say something like "Ugh, men just want women to (insert stereotype here)", and if I say, "Well I personally don't feel that way.", the derisive response I get is, "OOOOHHHH, so #NotAllMen, RIGHT?". It's rather reductive, and just teaches me to keep my mouth shut.
ditto. i left an otherwise good online community because i got piled on for calling out someone's bad behaviour. like indisputably directly against the groups policies. i was told that doing so stifled her and women had been stifled throughout history, so it was misogynistic of me. if someone is openly and personally insulting another person, don't you have to call it out?
Load More Replies... Lesbians being told they were supposed to be born male - and believing it. :(
Or just not stereotypically femenine women. As a kid i used to be told by the conservatives "you are not a real woman". Not i am told by the trans community that "I am not a real woman but a trans man in denial" just for not following gender roles. Instead of fighting gender roles they are reinforcing them.
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I have seen so many girls/women act dumb and stupid, bat their lashes, play with their hair, smile fakely just to "reel men in". I cannot stand it. And these are the women who are in "relationships" which end in a year. Then there's the ladies working hard out there on themselves and just because they're not giving men unnecessary attention and laughing in a high pitched tone, men don't want them.
Working in the education field, it is the women who assume all male educators are inferior and/or likely to be child predators. I have known many women who basically bully men out of the school/field.
Genuine question: Is there a point to making a distinction between "toxic masculinity" and "toxic femininity"? Aren't they both just the result of toxic gender roles in general? i don't see the point in arguing over whether one bad behaviour is an example of masculinity, femininity, patriarchy, matriarchy, whatever you want. it's all the same c**p, isn't it? Very happy to listen to different opinions because most people don't seem to want to discuss it.
Well they all steam from gender roles and sexism. But they afect women and men differently thats why people separates them. They are still symptoms of the same problem, sexism.
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Everyone has made up their mind in the Amber vs Johnny case before the judge has
There's no doubt guys cause terrible problems for women. But my daughter seems to be caused more emotional harm by her female "friends". Nice to see these being confronted too. It's not an either/or thing. We can oppose both toxic masculinity and femininity without contradicting ourselves.
Well it is rare in the sense that it most often isn't "toxic femininity" (or "toxic masculinity") but rather a product of internalized misogyny or the patriarchal structure. Just as bad, but if we see the problem from that view we have a chance to see, and do something about, the real problem instead of having some endless battle between genders of who is to blame.
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I hate the toxic trend lately of some women viewing the existence of trans women as an attack on womanhood in general. Feminism is not attacking trans women for not being real women, it's not fighting against making spaces safe for trans people because of a belief that it makes women's spaces less safe, it is not attacking trans professionals because of an archaic definition of what a woman is and belief that their existence in professional roles negates years of progress on women's rights. Expanding the table doesn't devalue the seats which were already there, and gatekeeping womanhood hurts more people than it protects.
Same for the other way around. Claiming that certain acts, feelings or style are inherently feminine and if you like them you are a woman is extremely sexist. We need to delete gender roles but the trans community is reinforcing them.
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It's bashing toxic femininity. If you can't tell the difference, you might wanna look at yourself and the women you know.
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I think this one is missing: Flat out assuming all bad s$%t that happens to you, happens to you because you are female. Not even think 5 seconds about if this happened for a reason otger than that. It prevents them to learn from a mistake, or an honest criticism.
Only a very few of these are genuine examples of toxic femininity. Most of them are internalized misogyny and a whole lot of them are not toxic femininity but toxic culture perpetuated by both men and women.
I agree. Toxic femininity applies to what things are aceptable for a woman in your eyes. So a good example would be "csection is not real birth" or "you cannot be a real woman if you have short hair". Things like "men cannot be abused" are sexist but not toxic femininity. Same as "purses are for women only" or "men dont cry" is toxic masculinity but "women belong to the kitchen" is disgustingly sexist but not TM
Load More Replies... I know some women who push that "men are trash" ideology. They can say something like "Ugh, men just want women to (insert stereotype here)", and if I say, "Well I personally don't feel that way.", the derisive response I get is, "OOOOHHHH, so #NotAllMen, RIGHT?". It's rather reductive, and just teaches me to keep my mouth shut.
ditto. i left an otherwise good online community because i got piled on for calling out someone's bad behaviour. like indisputably directly against the groups policies. i was told that doing so stifled her and women had been stifled throughout history, so it was misogynistic of me. if someone is openly and personally insulting another person, don't you have to call it out?
Load More Replies... Lesbians being told they were supposed to be born male - and believing it. :(
Or just not stereotypically femenine women. As a kid i used to be told by the conservatives "you are not a real woman". Not i am told by the trans community that "I am not a real woman but a trans man in denial" just for not following gender roles. Instead of fighting gender roles they are reinforcing them.
Load More Replies... I have seen so many girls/women act dumb and stupid, bat their lashes, play with their hair, smile fakely just to "reel men in". I cannot stand it. And these are the women who are in "relationships" which end in a year. Then there's the ladies working hard out there on themselves and just because they're not giving men unnecessary attention and laughing in a high pitched tone, men don't want them.
Working in the education field, it is the women who assume all male educators are inferior and/or likely to be child predators. I have known many women who basically bully men out of the school/field.
Genuine question: Is there a point to making a distinction between "toxic masculinity" and "toxic femininity"? Aren't they both just the result of toxic gender roles in general? i don't see the point in arguing over whether one bad behaviour is an example of masculinity, femininity, patriarchy, matriarchy, whatever you want. it's all the same c**p, isn't it? Very happy to listen to different opinions because most people don't seem to want to discuss it.
Well they all steam from gender roles and sexism. But they afect women and men differently thats why people separates them. They are still symptoms of the same problem, sexism.
Load More Replies... Everyone has made up their mind in the Amber vs Johnny case before the judge has
There's no doubt guys cause terrible problems for women. But my daughter seems to be caused more emotional harm by her female "friends". Nice to see these being confronted too. It's not an either/or thing. We can oppose both toxic masculinity and femininity without contradicting ourselves.
Well it is rare in the sense that it most often isn't "toxic femininity" (or "toxic masculinity") but rather a product of internalized misogyny or the patriarchal structure. Just as bad, but if we see the problem from that view we have a chance to see, and do something about, the real problem instead of having some endless battle between genders of who is to blame.
Load More Replies... I hate the toxic trend lately of some women viewing the existence of trans women as an attack on womanhood in general. Feminism is not attacking trans women for not being real women, it's not fighting against making spaces safe for trans people because of a belief that it makes women's spaces less safe, it is not attacking trans professionals because of an archaic definition of what a woman is and belief that their existence in professional roles negates years of progress on women's rights. Expanding the table doesn't devalue the seats which were already there, and gatekeeping womanhood hurts more people than it protects.
Same for the other way around. Claiming that certain acts, feelings or style are inherently feminine and if you like them you are a woman is extremely sexist. We need to delete gender roles but the trans community is reinforcing them.
Load More Replies... It's bashing toxic femininity. If you can't tell the difference, you might wanna look at yourself and the women you know.
Load More Replies... I think this one is missing: Flat out assuming all bad s$%t that happens to you, happens to you because you are female. Not even think 5 seconds about if this happened for a reason otger than that. It prevents them to learn from a mistake, or an honest criticism.
