As you probably know, scientists distinguish five main stages of any person's perception of the inevitable: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, the last stage - acceptance. When a person has already completely resigned themselves to the inevitability of something that was so hard to fit in one's mind, with the existence of a sad truth, a new reality is thus formed. And no matter how difficult it is to admit that one's friend or relative is terminally ill, that we will never see the people closest to us again, that some of us are doomed to loneliness until the very end of our lives, sooner or later comes the realization of any sad fact. As painful as this realization may be.
A new thread appeared in the AskReddit community a few days ago, the author of which asked just one simple question: "What is a depressing truth you have made peace with?" As a result, there are over 37.2K upvotes and almost 22K comments in the thread so far. People share their innermost experiences - and often receive priceless moral support.
Bored Panda has put together a special curated list of the most touching and sincere comments, which we are sure will touch you to the core. So feel free to read to the very end of the list and, of course, express your own feelings, as support is so vitally important in any situation, no matter how sad it is.
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My dad passed away 6 weeks ago and I will NEVER see, hear, chat or get to hug him ever again & that forever is a long time.
The worst part was the occasional out-of-the-blue feeling of "I should go see my dad. I haven't seen him in a while." and then realizing that I simply can't. It's no longer an option.
I will never get back the time I have lost to depression.
Edit: I am amazed by the huge response, and appreciate your comments and the awards. Thankfully, life is mostly better for me. We can and do recover. I wish those of you in the middle of it you peace and love. Reach out for help, you are worth it.
I am 40, I cannot remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I have spent so much time in bed, hiding from the world.
Nathaniel, I spent two years in a deep depression and finally decided to kill myself. Fortunately, my roommates found me unconscious in the bathtub and I was taken by an ambulance to have my stomach pumped (now accomplished by drinking charcoal), and then spent two weeks in a locked psychiatric ward. It was both one of the worst and one of the best things in my life: worst because locked psychiatric ward, best because I got a diagnosis and was put on medication that changed my life. You may be suffering depression without even realizing it; depression doesn’t always mean intense suffering. In fact, low-grade depression can rob you of joy without you ever realizing that it’s there. Please consider discussing your issues with your physician and seeking medical help—many issues are because your brain is unable to create the neurotransmitters necessary to keep you feeling you’re leading a fulfilling life. Mental health is just as important as physical health but is often overlooked.
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Not to mention the time lost to poor decisions made because of depression. I really wish I could get that time back.
Same. But I've come to terms with it. It destroyed most of my adolescence and twenties, when the world should be a fun, exciting adventure. But I've concluded that being a grown up is vastly overrated, so just because I didn't get to do stuff when I was younger, doesn't mean I can't now. And it means my life is a damn sight more interesting than most my age.
Hi Mark, Doing things you didn't when you were younger is great. Be yourself, you're lovely just the way you are.
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Spent 10 years in the pit. Roughly 15-25. Those are formative years and I missed out on a lot of coming of age experiences that I'll never get back. It's a hard pill to swallow for sure. No good to dwell any more tho. Onward and upward.
been battling depression as well (for decades). can't get that time back but i'm better now than i was.
I'm saying this as someone who cares about all of you who are suffering from depression and anxiety. My 31-year-old son suffers from extreme social anxiety and, as a result, depression. He's been on an SSRI for quite a while with little change. I've been reading about how ketamine is being used for intractable depression and anxiety, and I'm about to suggest it to him. I wonder if it could help people commenting here, or if anyone has tried it. And love to all of you.
I say seriously look into it. I think they are also playing around with low doses of LSD, as well. Your son has too many years left in his life to be suffering through it all. Also, maybe make sure to get some help for yourself - watching him suffering is probably not doing your mental health any good. And love to you both, as well.
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I've been depressed most of my life. I recently discovered that one potential side-effect is memory loss. I was married for 13 years and remember maybe a few days here and there. I don't remember most of my first 40 years of life. Random events, yes, few are sharp.
Bingo! Thank you Randolph. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the growing up years, and actually remember very little detail. Mostly I still recall the traumatic bits, and even into young adulthood. I didn't realize it could be because of the depression. I was started on Meds about 40 years ago, and not much has changed in day to day life. I share your experience. You are not alone.
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I've lost more than I care to remember due to depression, some of my friends, years of college education. It took me way too much time to even recognize that I had severe depression and than some more time to go and seek help. I did bounce back eventually, finished college, got a job, partner and a great kid. But I'm always left wondering what if... What if I reacted sooner, what if I didn't react at all. I'm in a good place now, but that feeling still haunts me to this day.
This resonates on a deep level with me. I'm so thankful for my brother right now. He's gotten me into painting miniature models and that's been keeping me busy. I'm currently working on a pet project with a bunch of them and I'm very excited for the finished product.
Jesus, I feel this one. I think of the things I could have accomplished over the decades if I’d been a functional person, and it’s just a kick in the gut.
That my dad abused me and my sisters all our lives and even though he's dead he still lives in my nightmares which I have every night.
I had been doing great when I moved away. Two years ago I returned to the place I moved from because my husband got a job offer that would have been stupid to turn down. The past two years have been difficult, between being near the family I was trying to get away from and being in a place I feel trapped in and unable to find a job because there was nothing available, and my health problems limiting me to what I can do. This past month something has clicked. I recently got a new job and though it's only seasonal (with potential to be more), it's something different. An incident in my family just this week has made me realize that I need to put up boundaries, even if it makes me the bad guy, because I don't think like them. And this job allows me to travel. And will pay enough to allow me to go to therapy again. I nearly destroyed my marriage in the past two years and came dangerously close to killing myself twice. I can't get back the time but I can fix the damage I've done and make it better.
For me , this is a good thing .. the older I get the more time has passed and the closer to death I am .. I would NEVER want to go back in time to try and relive any part of my life knowing I actually have to do it again … I can’t freaking WAIT to die and have this all over with … ( and no you don’t need to feel sorry for me , I’ll eventually die it’s all good , yes I’ve done therapy , medication , CBT , hospital stays , blah blah blah ) I’ve wanted to die since I was 11 years old and I’m 40, it’s never gonna change .. the problem is ME. I am fundamentally broken , I haven’t figured out exactly what the problem is but I just don’t care anymore , people do NOT like me .. at all.. I know it’s something to do with my adhd and how I miscommunicate and I’m too sensitive and too emotional and I’m annoying and I screw everything up… and people take me the wrong way so I know it’s my fault and I’m just kind of finally at peace with it… it’s freeing to finally just let go and wait for the end
I can relate, I’ve been depressed most of my life but I’ve been able to do the day to day stuff even working while I experienced it. It’s not easy and it’s not fun, but you have to keep moving forward especially when you don’t want to.
A friendship you thought would last forever can end in an instant
I found out my so called best friend was stealing money from me and like had hundreds of pictures of underage girls on his computer. I noped out were done in a heartbeat.
The people that cause the most harm to the world will go unpunished, live happy and fulfilled lives, and die getting to do pretty much anything they ever wanted simply because they were either born into wealth or managed to acquire tons of if through nefarious means.
Or non-nefarious such as becoming an actor, model, musician and having the astonishingly good fortune of becoming rich and famous.Or rich and famous for nothing. Looking at you KUWTK. Although, they were already wealthy.
Just because you think someone is "the one", doesn't mean they think you are.
I find it more comforting than depressing but some people will see it as the opposite. I'm entirely fine with being in no relationship. It's been almost a decade since the last one and I just don't see it as the priority that others do. I'm entirely fine with just having friends and colleagues. Hell I'm happy. I just wanna toss it out there because some people might find my reasoning to be helpful in deciding their life priorities.
I realized in therapy yesterday I'm only keeping myself alive out of a sense of obligation to others. That wasn't a fun realization.
No one is coming to help
This is a huge fear. People just don't want to get involved.
The majority of the human race are narrow, deluded, arbitrary believers in fantasies, willfully ignorant about everything not immediately useful to them, violent, destructive, warlike, tribal as hell, and willing - under the right motivation or excuse - to commit any imaginable atrocity or horror on others... even their own neighbors. Humans are brutal apes with a thin veneer of civilization barely holding them back from constant genocide and cruelty.
I didn't want to believe this, and I have fought this conclusion for all of my 62 years. But I am rational, it cannot be denied. It must be accepted.
Whatever glory humans achieve, they can never truly be trusted. I cannot dismiss this any longer.
The worse part: you have to live within the algorithms set by their crazy.
That at the end of the day, the only one I can rely on is myself
My childhood is gone, and I have no good memory from that phase of my life
You are not alone in this. Make as much of your present life as you can! Do what you love most as frequently as possible, be it walking in nature, reading, chatting with friends, etc. Childhood is generally out of our control, but independent life is up to us.
Sometimes people you care deeply about will choose to drop out of your life and all you can really do is have the grace to let them
To everyone struggling with being left behind, and to everyone struggling with having to be the one to leave- I hope the pain eases for you soon.
Yep. My best friend of several decades recently dropped me and I have no idea why.
I will always fight my demons. There is no healing from it.
Being alive is expensive.
Dying is expensive too. I don't need a funeral, just throw me in the trash.
I'm aware enough to know that there is something wrong with me. But I'm not aware enough to know what it is, let alone fix it.
A sick mind cannot heal itself. Sometimes we need help from someone else. I've learned so much from therapy, and I've needed it at different times in my life, for different reasons. It was always helpful, and never a waste.
You can do everything perfectly and still fail completely.
That and
People would rather leave you than own up to what they did and they’ll never even give you a second thought. Humans, turns out, are good at lying to themselves.
I heard the first part from ST:TNG "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.”
No matter how hard you love someone, they can fall out of love with you and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. Took me a lot of self destruction and pain to realize it. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
Yeah. And while love can be brought back it takes that both are willing to really work for it. You can't bring life to a dead relationship on your own.
My grandpa just wanted to get to know me and the man I was becoming during his last year of life. Which I was too young and too selfish to realize.
My depression is very likely chronic. I'll be living with it for the rest of my life.
You can do yourself a favor by seeing a doctor. Antidepressants literally saved my life. I went on and off them when I was younger, but at this point, it’s not worth it to me to go off them.
You're completely alone inside your own head. No one will ever be able to truly feel what you feel.
That’s not true! I have the little voice in my head to keep me company!!
I'm aging nonstop
I don't like when people say 'never get old'. I don't have a choice. You can't stop it. You gotta learn to appreciate it. I've learned to appreciate my age. I'm 36, and while my back hurts in the morning, I am so much more comfortable with myself than when I was younger. I continue to become happier with who I am, and care less about the little things. While sometimes it does upset me, I try to remember that as I get older, the less F**KS I will give!
I will always have the big sad following me, I can push it down for a bit, but it will come back eventually.
I just need to remember to breathe and remember I can get past it.
I'll never be comfortable financially. I have failed every attempt. I really did try. I promise you, I did. But nothings worked for me. I just have to accept it.
There will be no cure for my spinal cord injury in my lifetime. It was initially very depressing to realise, but almost 3 years in I'm kind of okay with it.
They should cure other stuff like ALS first, and if it has to be SCI related - cure the nerve pain, or the bowel/bladder stuff. The not walking is very low on my list of priorities personally.
I'm aware of ongoing research, but have no faith in any of it. We'd have to either revolutionise neurology or be very lucky.
Chronic illness and Injuries can happen and they don’t pick convenient moments to dump on you. I just try to make the best of what I have
That one day I won’t be alive and neither will anybody I love 🥺
That my whole life has been a waste. That if I disappeared tomorrow nobody would even know or care. I used to consciously feel the existential dread that brings, but now I just kind of ignore it and keep going on with my mechanical existence.
Working at a desk, literally being tethered to a computer and phone, I feel like a zombie, a shell of my body, and all the torment I've endured over the years has left me numb and I can't even muster to do anything about it.
I’m a coward and it’s costing me.
Edit:
I read a few of the many comments, and I’ll answer a few. I’m a coward because I’m afraid of change, I’m afraid to fail and to hurt people, I’m afraid my dreams make me selfish and that I’ll step on people who are just like me if I try to pursue them. Yes, I am afraid to ask people out, and I’m afraid that someday I’ll realize that they might have been the one. I’m afraid my efforts however inconsequential are in vain. I’m afraid to stand up, for myself and for others. I was afraid of the truth, and at least I can say I got past it, because now, I am oh so intimately familiar with my flaws. I’m afraid that I have a superiority complex and act like a snob, while I am ironically afraid that I am rather stupid. I’m afraid I talk to much and I annoy everybody I talk to, and that even when they smile, in their mind they are begging me to shut up for a minute. I’m afraid that I’m a fraud, and I’m afraid that I have no right to fear these things so early in life.
I don’t see a therapist because they cost money, and I work at a gas station.
Maybe I haven’t really made peace with it. I hope to god I’m not this way forever. I know, that someday, somehow, I’ll find a way, but for now, It’s all I can do to stay in perspective and slink forward to the next day. And look forward to a future that seems oh so far beyond the reach of one with the means I posses.
Sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder. I struggle with this too.
If your parent(s) were abusive, they will be abusive to your spouse and children. Walk away so they cannot spread poison into your life anymore.
F**k that. I refuse to let anyone abuse my children. At the cost to my own life I will go down fighting to keep my children safe .
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given
Justice is, and ALWAYS HAS BEEN, an ideal. You can't reach it, only try to approach it, because people are individuals and societies change. Something that feels good/is right for one person at one time may feel bad/be wrong for another one, and laws have to generalize.
If your parent(s) were abusive, they will be abusive to your spouse and children. Walk away so they cannot spread poison into your life anymore.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Justice is, and ALWAYS HAS BEEN, an ideal. You can't reach it, only try to approach it, because people are individuals and societies change. Something that feels good/is right for one person at one time may feel bad/be wrong for another one, and laws have to generalize.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Note: this post originally had 96 images. It’s been shortened to the top 37 images based on user votes.
Most of this list is less coming to terms and more a worrying display of the lack of mental health support available to these individuals. I read a lot of these as cries for help.
Yeah, a lot of them sound clinically depressed and unable to get any help for it.
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For anyone who actually got through this, I don’t want you guys to end sad so I found this. https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-baby-hippo-image21401803 Pictures of hippos
I've come to terms that my baby boy died of sids. And I'm now in therapy, on meds and doing much better. Now i have mental space to help my husband and children deal with their grief too. This post helped alot. Thank you BP.
This is heartbreaking *and* life affirming (and not a contradiction in terms!). I don't mean to be flippant - I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss, but you have described how well you are now doing as well as being in a position to help the others who have not yet reached your level of acceptance. This is truly coming to terms with something awful and I wish you all the very best internet hugs from a stranger can offer.
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This post is depressing. Can we get more of the uplifting posts, BP? We need them now more than ever at a time like this.
i think it is useful to help people who cannot get help otherwise. Many people here on BP are kind and will offer helpful suggestions to depressed or abused people.
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So many of us stuck in the griefs of this world. God tells us We will have trouble in this world. Fortunately, He has overcome it and there will be a new one without suffering for those who want it. Hang on to Him. I can’t imagine suffering this without Him. I see so many trying and it pains me.
I got one. A romantic partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to be dishonest, manipulative and vindictive can be indistinguishable from a partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to remain that way forever. It leaves you unable to make the determination if minor idiosyncrasies are benign like most people, or if they are the red flags you should have seen in the first relationship. It will drive you crazy wondering if you are crazy, and it will further drive you crazy to think maybe you scrutinized backwards: you were generous and forgiving when you should have been hyper vigilant, and hyper vigilant when you should have been generous and forgiving.
Most of this list is less coming to terms and more a worrying display of the lack of mental health support available to these individuals. I read a lot of these as cries for help.
Yeah, a lot of them sound clinically depressed and unable to get any help for it.
Load More Replies... For anyone who actually got through this, I don’t want you guys to end sad so I found this. https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-baby-hippo-image21401803 Pictures of hippos
I've come to terms that my baby boy died of sids. And I'm now in therapy, on meds and doing much better. Now i have mental space to help my husband and children deal with their grief too. This post helped alot. Thank you BP.
This is heartbreaking *and* life affirming (and not a contradiction in terms!). I don't mean to be flippant - I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss, but you have described how well you are now doing as well as being in a position to help the others who have not yet reached your level of acceptance. This is truly coming to terms with something awful and I wish you all the very best internet hugs from a stranger can offer.
Load More Replies... This post is depressing. Can we get more of the uplifting posts, BP? We need them now more than ever at a time like this.
i think it is useful to help people who cannot get help otherwise. Many people here on BP are kind and will offer helpful suggestions to depressed or abused people.
Load More Replies... So many of us stuck in the griefs of this world. God tells us We will have trouble in this world. Fortunately, He has overcome it and there will be a new one without suffering for those who want it. Hang on to Him. I can’t imagine suffering this without Him. I see so many trying and it pains me.
I got one. A romantic partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to be dishonest, manipulative and vindictive can be indistinguishable from a partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to remain that way forever. It leaves you unable to make the determination if minor idiosyncrasies are benign like most people, or if they are the red flags you should have seen in the first relationship. It will drive you crazy wondering if you are crazy, and it will further drive you crazy to think maybe you scrutinized backwards: you were generous and forgiving when you should have been hyper vigilant, and hyper vigilant when you should have been generous and forgiving.
