People Who Chose Not To Have Children Reflect On Their Decision Now That They’re 50 And Older (30 Answers)
It’s no secret that these days, more and more people are consciously choosing to opt away from childbearing. And while some still believe it’s a thing brought by new generations—millennials are eye-rolling right now—that’s not exactly the case.
Many people from generation X, which refers to those born between the mid-1960s and the early 1980s, have made the same decision. Falling between baby boomers and millennials, gen Xers are known for minimal adult supervision and thus for learning the value of independence and work-life balance. Some of them are also enjoying life childfree.
So when someone posted a question “People over 50 that chose to be childfree, do you regret your decision? Why or why not?” on r/AskReddit, it immediately turned into a very interesting thread. Below we collected some of the most illuminating answers that explain the decision and put it in a whole new light you may have never thought about.
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I’m 55 (F) and never wanted children. I just don’t much like them, and 20+ years of motherhood sounded (and still sounds) like a prison sentence. Maternal af when it comes to cats and dogs, but small humans? No chance.
And I’m very happy to be childless. Cannot imagine my life any other way.
I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. Its basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own.
Not one bit. I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don't think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father."
"I wasn't happy growing up with that kind parent and I wouldn't want to subject any child to that kind of parenting.
I absolutely adore my niece and nephew, but my wife and I have never wanted our own kids. I'll tell you what though, if I could get my hands on child abusers (we've had a particularly bad case in the UK recently) I dread to think what I would do to them. Sad update: Yet another case today of a little girl of 16 months beaten to death by the mothers partner. I have no words.....
To find out more about the childfree life that more and more people are opting for these days, Bored Panda spoke with Zoë Noble, the founder of the “We Are Childfree” community that celebrates childfree lives, one story at a time.
“In our world, becoming a parent is the default. It's not a choice or a conscious decision, it's not even visible—'everyone' just has children, because that's just what 'everyone' does,” Zoë told us. Meanwhile, childfree people challenge that idea and hold it up for everyone to see, maybe for the first time. “And that makes people uncomfortable,” she said.
The creator of “We Are Childfree” said that “if it's not a requirement, or even a good idea, for everyone to have children, then that raises questions about parenting, motherhood especially, and sex, sexuality, gender... so many of the assumptions that our patriarchal, capitalist, religious, heteronormative world is built on.” Zoë continued: “If you're occupying a position that mainstream society still sees as radical, you're supposed to have a bunch of good reasons, to be able to justify and defend yourself in a way that those who follow the script never have to.”
My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learnt that the whole "well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older" line is complete bullsh*t. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets.
Having kids to ensure a happy old age is total BS. I get this. My mum and I were the only ones visiting my grandmother. She had 4 children and 7 grandchildren. So no, I wouldn't count on the kids or grandkids at all. I just hope I have close friends, new friends, people I can talk to when I'm old and grey.
My wife and I chose long ago not to have children, but always left it open for renegotiation. We're 40 now and feel absolutely no regrets about not having children. Still feels like the right choice for us. Hopefully, we'll still feel that way long into the future.
Lots of folks ask us questions like, "who will take care of you when you're old?" or "what if something happens to your spouse?" No judgement, but to us, those have always felt like pretty selfish reasons to have children.
I guess all reasons to have children are initially selfish. - I am really happy to have my daughter, but I’m (of course) fine when people decide to be childless. Good for the planet as well.
That’s a lovely and understanding thing for you to say in this space, thank you :)
Load More Replies...I can’t think of a reason to create a child (as opposed to adopting) that isn’t selfish.
The problem is the system. It is very hard to adopt and sometimes impossible.
Load More Replies...OH NO! Is that what a 40 year old husband and his wife look like? I'm gonna turn 40 next year, so will my wife. I'm a bit scared now tbh.
no worries, it happens overnight and it doesn't hurt.
Load More Replies...I can never remember wanting a child - I babysat as a teenager- but I was sure glad to hand them over to mom when she came home!
It IS selfish. If you don't want kids for any other reason than establishing a happy family life, don't have kids. Not for government money (yes I knew someone who did that), not for adult care, not to make your parents grandparents. Because YOU and YOUR SO want a family. A happy family that listens and learns from each other. A family that makes compromises
I recall a conversation with my dad years and years ago (I'm not 72) about whether or not to have kids, and his reply was that it was selfish NOT to have them. In fact, he didn't think there was any reason to get married if not to have kids!
Also, their food and clothes money and their college money will "take care of me in my old age"
I knew at age 13 I did not want the responsibility of children and I knew I did not have it in me to be a mother to a special needs child that would need to be cared for their entire lives. I had observed way too many relationships around me to know that parenthood was tough and exhausting and expensive. I never saw myself being able to earn the kind of money it would take to raise a child properly. In my late 30's I learned that medically I was unable to conceive due to several health problems. I am now 60 and still childless and have no children anywhere in my life and I don't regret their absence.
I think I would prefer to let trained staff take care of me. What makes anyone think they are prepared to care for an elderly person? We call for electricians, plumbers, car mechanics, veterinarians etc etc but your kid is supposed to be well equipped to handle an aged patient?
If someone asks me: "Who will take care of your, or visit you when you're old?" I reply: "How's your mum/grandmother doing?"
OMG this couple are not 40. Who is choosing your images has no concept of aging.
No way they're in their 40's..I thought ppl with no kids aged better..guess not..
Children were "necessary" to keep the farm/business running. But for most developed nations, that's no longer the case. Anyone using the possibility of loneliness in their old age as a reason to have kids is selfish.
This "who will take care of you when you're old?" always sounds silly to me. Your kids aren't required by any means to be your caretakers at any point in life. It's one thing to help you and keep you company sometimes and another to have their attention drawn to you when they're trying to live their own lives.
Whoever chooses photos of people to go with the posts is not great at their job. The above couple are older than in their 40's and at the top the post is about a lady in her 50's but the photo is of a much older woman. I know off topic.....just saying.
I suppose it is always selfish to want children. After all, children have no say in the matter.
it is a matter of choice not selfishness. I am childless and 69 it was my choice. but my sibling all have kids. they are a lot of work and heartache so no one is being selfish. what we miss out on is being grand parents. I can miss out on that I have nephews and great nephews, one niece.
Selfish, indeed -- and who says your kid will want to take care of you? It's quite a gamble.
F(56) No I don't regret it. I'm simply a loner by nature, and I'm happy hanging out with my cats.
According to Zoë, the reality is that most people just want to have children, “and that's great—and some people, a far smaller number, just don't want to—and that's great too,” she said. “I'd love us to get to a place where something like We are Childfree doesn't even have to exist, because people have learned to respect each other's individual choices.”
When asked how Zoë realized she wanted a childfree life, the author said that she always knew she didn't want children. “I felt alone in my feelings and scared to live my truth. I'd heard women without kids described as cold, selfish and career-obsessed, and worried that people would think the same about me. Growing up, I didn't see anyone like me in my life or in the media, so I kept that part of me hidden, tucked away in the back of my mind,” the woman recounted.
I'm 52 and I'm in bed watching the morning sky over the ocean with a mug of tea and a book. Quiet music and no one is demanding cereal or needs a diaper change or the car or to sleep in my bed.
Later, I will walk around a museum without a stroller and a screaming, hungry, wet baby or a gloomy preteen. Yes, there would be times that the kids would behave, but what's the percentage? BI will cook for one, not one vegan, one who only eats chicken nuggets, and another who will burn water if I let them near a pot.
I've never regretted my decision ever.
relationship and children came up in a conversation with my neighbor last week. I'm female, 41, single, and childless. he's 58 male, divorced. he said he's met many women who didn't want children but changed their mind once they hold a baby. he kept saying I should be open to a relationship. I wanted to smack his head. I have a cousin in a different state and a friend in a different country, both around my age, 40s. my cousin has 2 boys, friend has a daughter; all around 10. reading/listening to their stories, getting photos and videos, picking random gifts.. are enough of "having children" for me.
Nope. I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time and most of my earnings. Other peoples' kids are great. Mostly because they are other peoples'.
When people ask "Who will take care of you when you're old" I tell them that when I'm 75 I will adopt a 40 year old.
57 years old and childless. I don't regret it at all. I sincerely believe that I would have been a piss-poor mother. I'm an extreme introvert, and seeing my sister with her sprogs clinging to her all the time, wanting something or other -- food, attention, a toy, whatever -- and calling to her, mommy mommy mommy, convinced me of the wisdom of my decision. If I had had children, I would have been driven to suicide or homicide in short order. My sister's kids are grown into wonderful young adults, and I love them to death, but I need lots of alone time to remain sane, and you don't get that with kids. If I'd had them, I might have become one of those horrid humans who feed their kids Benadryl to make them sleep, just for some peace and quiet. Childless is better for me.
Things changed for Zoë when she moved from London to Berlin, Germany at about age 30. “I gained the confidence to embrace who I really am. A weight was lifted from my shoulders as soon as I started to say out loud that I didn't want kids. That's why, with We are Childfree, I want to empower people to embrace who they are, stand in their truth and live authentically—to know they're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with them.”
Zoë explained that being childfree has enabled her to pursue a life path that's fulfilling for her, and the flexibility to change direction when it suits her. “It's given me the freedom to move to another country, to change careers, to travel as much as I could. It's absolutely still possible for parents to do those things, but it is harder,” she added.
“I love the fact that I don't know what my life is going to end up looking like, and not having children has allowed me to pursue that sense of adventure,” Zoë concluded.
No. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry my husband. He had two sons from his first marriage and a vasectomy. He was worried because I was so young (comparatively, he's10 years older). I did think it over seriously and concluded that a life with him compared to a life without him but (perhaps!) with a baby I didn't even have yet was what I wanted. It worked out for us, we've been together for 26 years. As a bonus I have 9 grandchildren. All the fun without the work of the raising!
Skipping kids and going straight to grandkids must be the dream. Too bad it's usually impossible
Yeah same, it took me years to really come to terms with this whole "I completely lack a desire to have kids" thing. First i thought I would magically develop the desire when I got older, and then I thought I was broken in the head, and then I thought I needed to just "talk myself into it", or have a kid and hope the feeling came. But I'm in my mid-thirties now and still don't have ANY desire to have a child. People always ask "why" I don't want kids. Like, I have 100 reasons why. But the most important reason is literally "because I don't want them". As in: "I don't WANT them". As in: it is simply not something I actively want. Why would I force myself to do something that I have no natural desire to do. Seems like a good way to mess up my life and some poor kids.
Growing up I just assumed I would have kids, because that's what everyone did. I still find myself asking coupled up people, when they plan to have kids, just because it's so ingrained in me that that's the norm. I never wanted any, so why do I still assume that everyone else does?
No and I found a partner who feels the same. We are the cool aunt and uncle.
Best one here. Just no. I love being an aunty. The oldest is 26 and the youngest 10. So it's shopping and pub or ice cream and zoo... I love these kids. My 2 brothers have given me 7 kids to cuddle, spoil and when ornery to give back to the parents. They love us back and the adult kids jump in the car and come to stay here with us for a weekend and we have great fun. Typing this makes me realize that I miss them around sometimes.
Bored Panda also wanted to find out what a Redditor who goes by the name tag IBeTrippin and made a decision to live life childfree had to say about their choice. In a response to the thread, the Redditor wrote: “I explain it to people like this—you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? Or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. It's basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own.”
I'm 57 and do not regret it. My husband thought he wanted kids when we were in our early years together, but now he is very happy as well that we never had any. It's allowed us a more free, peaceful, and debt-free life. The flexibility to make life choices we couldn't otherwise make is so much better.
I also don't think that people should have kids just so they have some sort of insurance policy in old age. It's wrong to bring other people into the world with the expectation that they'll serve you when you need them and, right now, I can't imagine any child is grateful to be brought into this world with what is surely coming due to climate change.
I don't necessarily regret not having them, but I regret the fact that I wasn't in a healthy enough relationship where I felt I COULD have children. I regret not being stronger to leave the abuse earlier, if I had been stronger, I think maybe I could have had the choice at least.
So yeah... I have regrets.
I also 'missed' my ideal window for having kids due to being in two bad relationships in succession. At the time I thought I wanted to be a parent, but I'm so glad that I didn't have a child with either of those people. As I got older I realised that my desire to have children was dwindling, and now that it's too late, I don't regret that I never had any. And I'm extremely glad that I am not tied to either of those men by sharing a child.
Best decision I ever made. However it waant so much a decision as a knowledge. I knew from a very early age i would not have kids, just didnt see them in my future and never wanted them. I love my solo, selfish life!!! Do what i want, when i want
IBeTrippin told us that they've never experienced pressure over children. “I can understand that there might be in some families, but there wasn't in mine.” When it comes to the decision not to have kids, the Redditor said that “neither of us were particularly interested in having children. It was not something we discussed and made a decision over. It was just the way it was.”
When asked how their life would have been different if there were children, the Redditor said that “certainly there would have been some career choice differences for stability.” Having said that, IBeTrippin made a point that “we weren't choosing not to have children so that we could live out some fantastic carefree life of travel and adventure” like it’s commonly assumed in our society. “It was simply because neither one of us were interested in being parents. It didn't appeal to us,” the Redditor concluded.
Absolutely not. Knew by my twenties I didn’t want to be a mother. Never had a biological clock go off (it’s a myth). Glad to have had a life free of reliving school bullies, math homework, and most of all, of having to be responsible.
The myth is "It's different when they are yours" or "You love them instantly". Hum, no. Cue parental abuse.
I wanted children but it didn’t happen for me. I had regret for years but now am at peace. I am 64
I wanted children but none lived. First was stillborn. The rest all late term miscarriages. 10 pregnancies in all. Like the op I've come to terms with it and both my husband and i are happy. Sometimes i wonder what life would be like but i don't dwell on it. We sponsor kids from his country and we have his sisters and brothers children so life gave us kids just not the way we thought.
I'm in my 60s, happily married for 30+ years, and without children.
Most of the time, I'm happy about our decision. Sometimes, my husband and I both wish that circumstances had been different and that we had someone that we could count on to be there when we get old.
However, our reasons for not having children still stand.
We both felt the world was moving in a direction that can't be sustained. Research on global climate change wasn't part of the picture, but ecologically unsound practices were.
We're both from families where there are plenty of children and grand-children. So, our genes will be represented, without more taken from the available resources.
We both endured teasing about our physical appearances and didn't want our children to suffer the same.
We'd both been exposed to more than average levels of radiation and didn't want to risk it.
Personally, I was concerned about being a good parent. (My husband, on the other hand, would have been amazing)
By the time we were in a position to support having children, I felt I was too old. I'm the child of a 40-year-old mother who had 5 children before me and 1 after -- and although I would never have told her this, I really felt that some of us didn't get the time and energy that her eldest got. I didn't want to do that to another being.
So, instead of having kids, we participated in helping those already here, in a number of ways. In the end, we wish circumstance had been different, but in the main, do not regret our decision.
Not one bit, and with my medical and other problems, I know I made the right choice.
I'm almost 50 so I'll chime in. I never wanted kids, just never had the urge. But I wound up helping raise my niece and nephew after their mom, my sister, died in a car accident when they were 7 and 5 respectively. I didn't have the full time, but split housing them on weekends while their father worked and his b*tchass wife didn't want them around. I had them every other weekend and about half of each summer for years. They're now 21 and 19, so I wound up as more parent-ish than aunt. They were a handful so I'm glad I didn't have any of my own, it was exhausting enough being a part-time parent substitute and, of course, I wish their mom hadn't passed away. Full time parents, you're awesome, I couldn't do it. At least their dad gave me money for all the time I took care of them, sharing my sister's social security benefits so I could feed and clothe the kids and give them some fun activities and camps.
I love the hell out of them, but still glad I didn't have babies of my own. They're good kids, I love them to death, but they've also broken my heart a fair few times acting up, making dumb decisions, but all kids do that. I'd beat the a** of anyone who messed with my niece and nephew.
I work in education so I feel similar. I raise/ have raised enough people's kids at work. I don't think I have any energy to even think about adding my own in there. How coworkers can go home and parent after a long day of teaching, I'll never understand. At the end of the day I am peopled out and just want to sleep.
I get this one. My best friend is a teacher and she has 3 kids, one of them is aspie. There was a period when the three kids were under 6 years old while she was working as preschool teacher. At a point she felt she was going insane. She was constantly sick, exhausted, had no patience or energy left when she came home. She loves her children but it all was (still is, although better as kids get older) too exhausting, draining and overwhelming. Seeing her lifestyle was the best contraceptive ever.
I'm child-free, retired and happy. How happy? Julie Andrews spinning on a mountain top happy. I have nieces and nephews (and now their kids) anytime I want to relate to kids.
51 here. Never really thought I would make a good parent so I chose not to have any.
I'm glad I didn't.
Would hate to see what kind of world they will be living in 10-20 years from now.
Wasn't by choice, but yes. I'm happily married and I worry about what will happen to my wife when I die. She'll be alone. Otherwise, it's fantastic.
Kids aren’t always around when you feel lonely. You need a safety net full of friends and charities.
My wife and I married when we were in college. After graduating we started our careers and some time later we wondered if we weren't missing out on something, like children, and decided No, this is great, let's keep going like this. That was 30 years ago and it's still great and we still keep it going.
My decision not to have kids has allowed me the space to create the life I want for myself. I suffer from very low self-esteem, and took longer to find a fulfilling career than most people I know because I didn't dare aspire to anything challenging. If I had had kids I, personally, would not have had the energy or motivation to make the changes I had to.
At 65 I have to say I have no regrets. I made the decision early in my life and I stuck to it, glad I did!
I told my mom, when I was 12, that I wasn't going to marry until I was 30 (death's doorstep to a 12-year old), and that I was never having kids. I married at 31, no kids. Most of the reason for that was Mom, herself. She'd had big dreams of becoming a professional dancer, but she married and had kids instead. She told me countless times, "I love your daddy and you kids with all my heart, buuuuut....". I've had a life of wild adventure, travel, and love. At 65, no regrets!
Hispanic Guy here, close to sixty years old, no I don't, the fact that I chose to stay child free is very unusual in my culture, and I originally did not intend to be child free I just avoided it having children because I knew I was not really ready, it just progress from there, still, now I know that most men are not entirely ready when it happens, I think I would been a great dad, still I have absolutely no regret!
Over 50 and child free. My only regret is that my wife would have been a great mother, and sometimes I feel like I deprived her of that, even though we both agreed we didn’t want kids. Sometimes I wonder if I pushed her into that decision. She works with the elderly every day and sees a lot of lonely folks so it gets to her sometimes. I was always afraid I’d screw up the parenting thing, so I was never really interested in the idea. I’m a loner by nature though.
I worked with the elderly also - a lot of people kids showed up only when it would impress the family and the reading of the will!
I'm 40 I regret it. I can't imagine how horrible I'll feel at 50.
40 isn't too late. You're a little.more exhausted during the early years than younger parents. My friend was 42. If you really want to, it's not too late.
No - I never wanted kids in any concrete way. I like kids, i have relationships with my nieces and nephews -this is absolutely fine for me.
I firmly believe that is wrong to expect children to take care of you in your old age. I would want any children of mine to live their own lives and not be burdened with my care. I didn't want children, and I had, for reasons of my mother having clinical paranoia - full mental illness, no desire to further the female line in my family. I am a loner by nature, and my husband and I are happy. I have adorable adult nephews, but they have their own lives. We travel, and have both spent our lives in the pursuit of learning. No regrets here.
Note: this post originally had 41 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I am 45 and have chosen to be child free…..now is there anyone here that wants my kids?
Is it just me or do the people in the pictures look waaaay older than the ages stated in the posts? "I'm 55 and..." with a photo of an 80-year-old. People who are 55 do not look like this. old-lady-6...b77eba.jpg
The statements have nothing to do with the pictures. BP put random pictures to the statements.
Load More Replies...Regrets? A few. Enough to go back in time, say, "Sure, let's risk my health and/or our sanity"? No.
I'm about to turn 70. No regrets. I was sufficiently self-aware to know I was too self-centered to be a good parent. I was the youngest of six and got to watch my older siblings have families. Five kids, four kids, eleven kids, nine kids, five kids. Um, no. Never.
If you don't want children, then you shouldn' t have, No need to justify or explain your choice. I am a proud father of two and I never thought I would be better without them. We are all different and that' s fine.
Agree completely. My daughter has absolutely no desire to have children and that's perfectly fine with me.
Load More Replies...No regrets and well into my 50s. I have a friend who never wanted them, but she met a man who was jonesing for kids. Now she has them and she loves the kids, but hates being a mother. I'm just glad that I never wavered, not even when I had partners that wanted them (broke up with those, obvs, it's a non-negotiable for me). I like a quiet life.
It was good you broke up with partners who wanted children. It's a shame how that unbalance can fester in a relationship. I'm like your friend. I love kids, well babies and toddlers specifically, but as much as I'm certain I'd love my own children I know to my bones I'd hate being a mother. I also have a few residual anger issues from an abusive childhood so.
Load More Replies...I love kids. Never wanted them. So I decided to help my friends raise their kids, stayed about 10 years, great experience, although very sticky and smelly. I am still in their lives. No regrets
I told a mother of one, "I like kids, but I never wanted any." She smiled and said, "Well, the world needs aunts." <3
Load More Replies...Know what's scary? It's the intelligent, thinking, thoughtful, people who make this decision. The others breed freely. It's reverse evolution and we can see it right here in the USA every day. And especially at elections.
I think the most shocking thing here is at the beginning where someone acknowledges the existence of Generation X
Yes! Except all the pics are people that are 70+ yo. Win some, lose some.
Load More Replies...My mom desperately wants grandkids and tells me I’ll change my mind. No, I don’t think I will. I know I probably have the family condition of losing babies and I know what my mom went through to have me. Also, I’ve worked with kids from 0 to 13 in various camps. I can’t imagine having to deal with that 24/7, 365. Hopefully she’ll love her grand dogs/cats
Over 50? These people on photos are likely over 70. Sorry, off topic I know, but is op like 17? 50 is not that old.
Maybe the writers and editors think that 35+ is ancient. Hence, the ancient-looking folks.
Load More Replies...51 and child-free by choice. Knew when I was 5 years old that I never wanted kids. No regrets. I do what I want, when I want, spend how much I want. Now, if I had only traveled before I lost my health. My only regret.
Never wanted kids they're ok if they don't belong to me! I cannot picture myself changing diapers and night feedings! I have done this a lot with animals and have infinite patience with them I have raised squirrels, rabbits, monkeys with 2 hour feedings throughout the night never bothered me one bit but I don't think I have the guts to raise a human who may turn out like me. I'm happy with MY life but would my little human be happy too. Maybe I'm wired wrong somehow!
I think you're wonderfully wired - just think of the good you're doing for animals that need parents.
Load More Replies...The main question people need to ask themselves is WHY they want children. Is it because you've just always wanted them, lots of them, because you come from a big family and cherish having the same? Maybe because your friends are pregnant and you feel your body clock is ticking. Or maybe because there's pressure from your peers or parents. Or possibly even due to the religious teaching that God needs you to populate the world. The sad truth is that the world is already full. The job's been done, and then some. There's a wonderfully entertaining but scary as hell novel called 10:59 by N R Baker that has this as it's central plot - I recommend it to anyone who's still on the fence about having children.
I'm 50 and wanted children. Various events prevented this. I'm sad about this but there are also delights to not having any children, freedom to do so many things. So for me, it's complicated but I'm excited for my travel filled future.
All these childfree people with pets. Ha! I'm not even maternal towards plants!
I'm 23 and I know that I don't want children before my 30s maybe in 10 years time I'll change my mind but I know that there will be time before I'm ready for such a great responsibility and if it doesn't happen I'll adopt very child deserves a parent/parents without caring if I'm in a relationship or not Right now I'm happy with being a big sister and "auntie"
Maybe we need a couple new words. Like there’s asexual and aromantic for people who don’t experience sexual and romantic desire. Likewise aparental, amaternal, apaternal for people who don’t experience a desire for activities related to making and caring for offspring.
My wife and I joke that we’d like to adopt an intelligent and precocious 4-year-old girl, and then give her back when she becomes a teenager.
My biologocal clock hit at mid thirties - badly. But my partn at the timeer didn't want them, I never wanted to be a single mom - so it just didn't happen. I think I would have been a good mother and I am sorry, I missed out on that kind of love. BUT I love my life as it is - independent with oodles of time just for me and my pooch and my friends. I am happy and relaxed and since the pandemic, extra glad I do not have children. For a time I really wanted them, that time passed. Now, I am happy. I will take preparations for my old age - flat shares, helpes etc. I will not leave all the work and the mess to anybody like my parents are doing at the moment.
I have 2 kids. I love them both and wouldn't change being a parent. But I don't think I'd regret not having them if I'd chosen not to, either.
55 here. Sometimes I have regrets but mostly don't. I tried to get pregnant with my ex and couldn't. But when that marriage ended it was too late to try with my now husband. After childbearing years I was diagnosed with endometriosis so God was looking out for me. My current husband didn't have kids either. I'm glad I didn't have kids with my ex as it was a very ugly divorce and I no longer have to deal with the ex. My health has been poor so caring for a child would be difficult. I'm grateful for the life I have today.
Every week a post about being childfree... Whatever... Want kids? Good for you! Don't want? Good for you! Are you happy either way? Then I'm happy for you!
LMAO, there is thrice the amount of posts about people who bred and think they are the first ones to do so.
Load More Replies...seems like a strange question to begin with, would never hear why did you decide to have children. A lot of parents out there that shouldn't be parents, ask them... FYI I am a parent and grandparent, no regrets but a hell of a lot of work
Just to add, when I accidentally got pregnant I allowed myself to be talked having my son. I should back up and explain that while I was fairly sure I didn't want children, I also wasn't anywhere near sure about it. My son is 14 and while I love him very much I am not especially good parent. I try hard but it doesn't come easy.
Maybe you're an ok parent - and being an ok parent is an achievement. If you feel overwhelmed and anxious, open up about it to other parents. Find support. I firmly believe that not a single parent in the world is really convinced that they're doing a great job at parenting. I don't even believe that anybody can. I don't think it's designed to be something to excel at. We do better than our parents where we really thought they did bad - and we don't do as well where we didn't even know they were doing something. The things I'm really good at, my children take for granted. And the stuff they complain about is something my own mother did surprisingly well - I just hadn't noticed.
Load More Replies...The title irks me. You do not choose NOT to have children, as if life comes prepacked with certain items you can then discard. You choose to HAVE children.
My only takeaway from this article is that apparently people who decide against children look twice their age.
I never planned on having kids. Wasn't strongly opposed to much as just didn't think it was for me. Then my husband put me under a lot of pressure to have a child, so I did. Never had any of those maternal feelings people talk about. But I knew she was mine for life and I loved her. Husband, on the other hand, changed his mind about wanting to be a father, after she was born. So I left. Then he died. So I ended up doing it all by myself. I absolutely love her and I'm so glad I had her. That being said, I don't think anyone who doesn't want children should have them. No children should be the default and you should have really, really good reasons for reproducing.
No regrets. I would not have been a good mother. Why do that to a little person? And mostly didn't like being around them. Playing with a little kid? Nope. I spent time with my nephew when his parents were there. It worked out better. I was the first person to hold him other than his parents and hospital staff. I cherish that. I have a picture of that moment and sent it to my nephew on his birthday at about the time that happened. "Guess what you and I were doing at this time 28 years ago today?" So cool! He's married now and I have yet to meet his wonderful wife. Between illnesses and covid I haven't seen him in 5 years. So much has happened. Hopefully things will be ok for me to visit. He's in another country. Visit , come hell or high water in the spring. I want to know his wife. I want to know the man he's become. More than anything I just ache for that great big hug. He's 6ft 5in. A great big hug in more than one way.
Well, if all 40 something posts tge same, either some people are in denial, or this is a skewed set. I got kids. My mums friends, childless, told her they don't miss having kids. They miss having grandkids.
Honestly, though, I don't see what's so great about grandkids. My cousins' kids don't have any real emotional connection to my aunt and uncle, despite said aunt and uncle having a very active role in their lives. I loved my grand parents, but it was a slightly distanced love. I think most people experience the same.
Load More Replies...I am 54 and decided around the age of 3 that I never wanted to be a mummy. Not once have I ever regretted that decision. Parenthood is not for everyone and if you have any doubts, don't do it. You have to want it 100% because it is the hardest thing you will ever do and a responsibility you can never put down. And they won't look after you when you are old, those days are gone. When Boomers and Gen X get a visit they are most likely the ones handing out help, usually money, to the younger generations.
I had two children. They're both dead. It's as if I never had children now that I'm 70, and I wouldn't have expected either of them to take care of me in the first place. I'll be gone before I can be a burden to anyone, just natural age progression coupled with genetics, so it doesn't worry me.
Good grief, the people in the pictures have no resemblance to people of the ages commenting that I know. They all look incredibly old. The author of the piece would have done better to have some photos of people that actually look in their early 50's etc. It made me not want to read it!
Very interesting article. I enjoyed reading these points of view - maybe apart from the person who, "hates kids"! I took to motherhood with huge enthusiasm, and if I only measure my wealth in my three children, I'm the richest woman alive. However, there's something very mature and intelligent in knowing that parenthood isn't for you, and sticking to it despite social pressure. Bravo!
I am 49 and on my second marriage. First husband was an only child; current husband is 10 years younger than me. The questions people ask! "Don't you want to carry on his last name?" He's not a Rockefeller. There are loads of folks with his last name. "He's still young. Won't he change his mind?" He made up his mind when he parried me. "Don't you want someone to take care of you when you are older?" Yes...medical staff. "Won't you regret not having any?" Did you regret your choice to have them? And isn't it better to regret the children you don't have to to regret the children you did have? "Don't you think you should at least once?" It is a human being, not a trip to Europe.
I must point out that everyone who chooses not to have children, are supremely lucky they live in a generation that CAN choose this. It wasn't that long ago that if you married and were fertile, children automatically followed - regularly. There wasn't a choice.
A common refrain is "who will look after you in your old age" or "you'll be lonely in your old age" - but that is a terrible reason to have children! You should have children for their own sake, or because you really want to, or you know you'll be a great parent, but as a safeguard for old age? - that's just not fair on your children.
This is a one sided article which makes me think it is selling a point of view. Child-rearing/birthing is what supports the species and society. It is selfish and irresponsible to consider one does not have a part in this process. Unlike the folks quoted in this article I know of other childless folks who look back in regret but why would one say that in a published article? I call BS.
Very one-sided article gives the impression that everybody that didn't have kids enjoys it with no regrets whatsoever.
Go f**k yourself and go to your partner for it to tell you to "get the kids to" whatever the f**k extracurricluar shite they need to do.
Load More Replies...Having kids is making your life about giving instead of having it all for yourself. I do think the choice not to have kids is to be a child forever, not having to spend your money on raising them instead of having fun and whatnot. I am not a rich person and I am having children and I can afford it because it's a simple decision that I'm not saving to jet off to Europe or somewhere, or going out to eat for every meal. Friends are great but kids are better. And I think people don't realize the fact that they havent desired to have anyone else's kids as their own doesn't mean that they would not have a profound connection to their own children. It's chemical. Raising children is the most meaningful act
Why make that broad statement people who don't want kids are selfish? I never wanted a 4 door sedan, a neck tattoo, go to a country music concert or own a pet gorilla, but no one ever calls me selfish for not having those things I've never wanted.. they only say it about people without kids. Do you need to put us down to make yourself feel more important?
Load More Replies...To each their own but life is not complete without seeing yourself in your kids and leaving a legacy!
My life is totally complete without the children I never desired to have. My life is amazing! I guess I lack the narcissism gene that thinks the world needs me to leave my DNA behind. Charities are experiencing the joy of my legacy and we're all good with that.
Load More Replies...Do those friends have friends who might be interested in you? I had crushes on men who had no interest in me, but they had friends who liked me as more than a friend. I had a friend who wanted more than friendship, but I didn't. He was a lovely friend, so I gave him advice on exactly what women to date - and he ended up in a two-year relationship, they broke up on good terms and then he met his wife.
Load More Replies...They met their own level for nurturing and companionship. Why force it above that?
Load More Replies...I am 45 and have chosen to be child free…..now is there anyone here that wants my kids?
Is it just me or do the people in the pictures look waaaay older than the ages stated in the posts? "I'm 55 and..." with a photo of an 80-year-old. People who are 55 do not look like this. old-lady-6...b77eba.jpg
The statements have nothing to do with the pictures. BP put random pictures to the statements.
Load More Replies...Regrets? A few. Enough to go back in time, say, "Sure, let's risk my health and/or our sanity"? No.
I'm about to turn 70. No regrets. I was sufficiently self-aware to know I was too self-centered to be a good parent. I was the youngest of six and got to watch my older siblings have families. Five kids, four kids, eleven kids, nine kids, five kids. Um, no. Never.
If you don't want children, then you shouldn' t have, No need to justify or explain your choice. I am a proud father of two and I never thought I would be better without them. We are all different and that' s fine.
Agree completely. My daughter has absolutely no desire to have children and that's perfectly fine with me.
Load More Replies...No regrets and well into my 50s. I have a friend who never wanted them, but she met a man who was jonesing for kids. Now she has them and she loves the kids, but hates being a mother. I'm just glad that I never wavered, not even when I had partners that wanted them (broke up with those, obvs, it's a non-negotiable for me). I like a quiet life.
It was good you broke up with partners who wanted children. It's a shame how that unbalance can fester in a relationship. I'm like your friend. I love kids, well babies and toddlers specifically, but as much as I'm certain I'd love my own children I know to my bones I'd hate being a mother. I also have a few residual anger issues from an abusive childhood so.
Load More Replies...I love kids. Never wanted them. So I decided to help my friends raise their kids, stayed about 10 years, great experience, although very sticky and smelly. I am still in their lives. No regrets
I told a mother of one, "I like kids, but I never wanted any." She smiled and said, "Well, the world needs aunts." <3
Load More Replies...Know what's scary? It's the intelligent, thinking, thoughtful, people who make this decision. The others breed freely. It's reverse evolution and we can see it right here in the USA every day. And especially at elections.
I think the most shocking thing here is at the beginning where someone acknowledges the existence of Generation X
Yes! Except all the pics are people that are 70+ yo. Win some, lose some.
Load More Replies...My mom desperately wants grandkids and tells me I’ll change my mind. No, I don’t think I will. I know I probably have the family condition of losing babies and I know what my mom went through to have me. Also, I’ve worked with kids from 0 to 13 in various camps. I can’t imagine having to deal with that 24/7, 365. Hopefully she’ll love her grand dogs/cats
Over 50? These people on photos are likely over 70. Sorry, off topic I know, but is op like 17? 50 is not that old.
Maybe the writers and editors think that 35+ is ancient. Hence, the ancient-looking folks.
Load More Replies...51 and child-free by choice. Knew when I was 5 years old that I never wanted kids. No regrets. I do what I want, when I want, spend how much I want. Now, if I had only traveled before I lost my health. My only regret.
Never wanted kids they're ok if they don't belong to me! I cannot picture myself changing diapers and night feedings! I have done this a lot with animals and have infinite patience with them I have raised squirrels, rabbits, monkeys with 2 hour feedings throughout the night never bothered me one bit but I don't think I have the guts to raise a human who may turn out like me. I'm happy with MY life but would my little human be happy too. Maybe I'm wired wrong somehow!
I think you're wonderfully wired - just think of the good you're doing for animals that need parents.
Load More Replies...The main question people need to ask themselves is WHY they want children. Is it because you've just always wanted them, lots of them, because you come from a big family and cherish having the same? Maybe because your friends are pregnant and you feel your body clock is ticking. Or maybe because there's pressure from your peers or parents. Or possibly even due to the religious teaching that God needs you to populate the world. The sad truth is that the world is already full. The job's been done, and then some. There's a wonderfully entertaining but scary as hell novel called 10:59 by N R Baker that has this as it's central plot - I recommend it to anyone who's still on the fence about having children.
I'm 50 and wanted children. Various events prevented this. I'm sad about this but there are also delights to not having any children, freedom to do so many things. So for me, it's complicated but I'm excited for my travel filled future.
All these childfree people with pets. Ha! I'm not even maternal towards plants!
I'm 23 and I know that I don't want children before my 30s maybe in 10 years time I'll change my mind but I know that there will be time before I'm ready for such a great responsibility and if it doesn't happen I'll adopt very child deserves a parent/parents without caring if I'm in a relationship or not Right now I'm happy with being a big sister and "auntie"
Maybe we need a couple new words. Like there’s asexual and aromantic for people who don’t experience sexual and romantic desire. Likewise aparental, amaternal, apaternal for people who don’t experience a desire for activities related to making and caring for offspring.
My wife and I joke that we’d like to adopt an intelligent and precocious 4-year-old girl, and then give her back when she becomes a teenager.
My biologocal clock hit at mid thirties - badly. But my partn at the timeer didn't want them, I never wanted to be a single mom - so it just didn't happen. I think I would have been a good mother and I am sorry, I missed out on that kind of love. BUT I love my life as it is - independent with oodles of time just for me and my pooch and my friends. I am happy and relaxed and since the pandemic, extra glad I do not have children. For a time I really wanted them, that time passed. Now, I am happy. I will take preparations for my old age - flat shares, helpes etc. I will not leave all the work and the mess to anybody like my parents are doing at the moment.
I have 2 kids. I love them both and wouldn't change being a parent. But I don't think I'd regret not having them if I'd chosen not to, either.
55 here. Sometimes I have regrets but mostly don't. I tried to get pregnant with my ex and couldn't. But when that marriage ended it was too late to try with my now husband. After childbearing years I was diagnosed with endometriosis so God was looking out for me. My current husband didn't have kids either. I'm glad I didn't have kids with my ex as it was a very ugly divorce and I no longer have to deal with the ex. My health has been poor so caring for a child would be difficult. I'm grateful for the life I have today.
Every week a post about being childfree... Whatever... Want kids? Good for you! Don't want? Good for you! Are you happy either way? Then I'm happy for you!
LMAO, there is thrice the amount of posts about people who bred and think they are the first ones to do so.
Load More Replies...seems like a strange question to begin with, would never hear why did you decide to have children. A lot of parents out there that shouldn't be parents, ask them... FYI I am a parent and grandparent, no regrets but a hell of a lot of work
Just to add, when I accidentally got pregnant I allowed myself to be talked having my son. I should back up and explain that while I was fairly sure I didn't want children, I also wasn't anywhere near sure about it. My son is 14 and while I love him very much I am not especially good parent. I try hard but it doesn't come easy.
Maybe you're an ok parent - and being an ok parent is an achievement. If you feel overwhelmed and anxious, open up about it to other parents. Find support. I firmly believe that not a single parent in the world is really convinced that they're doing a great job at parenting. I don't even believe that anybody can. I don't think it's designed to be something to excel at. We do better than our parents where we really thought they did bad - and we don't do as well where we didn't even know they were doing something. The things I'm really good at, my children take for granted. And the stuff they complain about is something my own mother did surprisingly well - I just hadn't noticed.
Load More Replies...The title irks me. You do not choose NOT to have children, as if life comes prepacked with certain items you can then discard. You choose to HAVE children.
My only takeaway from this article is that apparently people who decide against children look twice their age.
I never planned on having kids. Wasn't strongly opposed to much as just didn't think it was for me. Then my husband put me under a lot of pressure to have a child, so I did. Never had any of those maternal feelings people talk about. But I knew she was mine for life and I loved her. Husband, on the other hand, changed his mind about wanting to be a father, after she was born. So I left. Then he died. So I ended up doing it all by myself. I absolutely love her and I'm so glad I had her. That being said, I don't think anyone who doesn't want children should have them. No children should be the default and you should have really, really good reasons for reproducing.
No regrets. I would not have been a good mother. Why do that to a little person? And mostly didn't like being around them. Playing with a little kid? Nope. I spent time with my nephew when his parents were there. It worked out better. I was the first person to hold him other than his parents and hospital staff. I cherish that. I have a picture of that moment and sent it to my nephew on his birthday at about the time that happened. "Guess what you and I were doing at this time 28 years ago today?" So cool! He's married now and I have yet to meet his wonderful wife. Between illnesses and covid I haven't seen him in 5 years. So much has happened. Hopefully things will be ok for me to visit. He's in another country. Visit , come hell or high water in the spring. I want to know his wife. I want to know the man he's become. More than anything I just ache for that great big hug. He's 6ft 5in. A great big hug in more than one way.
Well, if all 40 something posts tge same, either some people are in denial, or this is a skewed set. I got kids. My mums friends, childless, told her they don't miss having kids. They miss having grandkids.
Honestly, though, I don't see what's so great about grandkids. My cousins' kids don't have any real emotional connection to my aunt and uncle, despite said aunt and uncle having a very active role in their lives. I loved my grand parents, but it was a slightly distanced love. I think most people experience the same.
Load More Replies...I am 54 and decided around the age of 3 that I never wanted to be a mummy. Not once have I ever regretted that decision. Parenthood is not for everyone and if you have any doubts, don't do it. You have to want it 100% because it is the hardest thing you will ever do and a responsibility you can never put down. And they won't look after you when you are old, those days are gone. When Boomers and Gen X get a visit they are most likely the ones handing out help, usually money, to the younger generations.
I had two children. They're both dead. It's as if I never had children now that I'm 70, and I wouldn't have expected either of them to take care of me in the first place. I'll be gone before I can be a burden to anyone, just natural age progression coupled with genetics, so it doesn't worry me.
Good grief, the people in the pictures have no resemblance to people of the ages commenting that I know. They all look incredibly old. The author of the piece would have done better to have some photos of people that actually look in their early 50's etc. It made me not want to read it!
Very interesting article. I enjoyed reading these points of view - maybe apart from the person who, "hates kids"! I took to motherhood with huge enthusiasm, and if I only measure my wealth in my three children, I'm the richest woman alive. However, there's something very mature and intelligent in knowing that parenthood isn't for you, and sticking to it despite social pressure. Bravo!
I am 49 and on my second marriage. First husband was an only child; current husband is 10 years younger than me. The questions people ask! "Don't you want to carry on his last name?" He's not a Rockefeller. There are loads of folks with his last name. "He's still young. Won't he change his mind?" He made up his mind when he parried me. "Don't you want someone to take care of you when you are older?" Yes...medical staff. "Won't you regret not having any?" Did you regret your choice to have them? And isn't it better to regret the children you don't have to to regret the children you did have? "Don't you think you should at least once?" It is a human being, not a trip to Europe.
I must point out that everyone who chooses not to have children, are supremely lucky they live in a generation that CAN choose this. It wasn't that long ago that if you married and were fertile, children automatically followed - regularly. There wasn't a choice.
A common refrain is "who will look after you in your old age" or "you'll be lonely in your old age" - but that is a terrible reason to have children! You should have children for their own sake, or because you really want to, or you know you'll be a great parent, but as a safeguard for old age? - that's just not fair on your children.
This is a one sided article which makes me think it is selling a point of view. Child-rearing/birthing is what supports the species and society. It is selfish and irresponsible to consider one does not have a part in this process. Unlike the folks quoted in this article I know of other childless folks who look back in regret but why would one say that in a published article? I call BS.
Very one-sided article gives the impression that everybody that didn't have kids enjoys it with no regrets whatsoever.
Go f**k yourself and go to your partner for it to tell you to "get the kids to" whatever the f**k extracurricluar shite they need to do.
Load More Replies...Having kids is making your life about giving instead of having it all for yourself. I do think the choice not to have kids is to be a child forever, not having to spend your money on raising them instead of having fun and whatnot. I am not a rich person and I am having children and I can afford it because it's a simple decision that I'm not saving to jet off to Europe or somewhere, or going out to eat for every meal. Friends are great but kids are better. And I think people don't realize the fact that they havent desired to have anyone else's kids as their own doesn't mean that they would not have a profound connection to their own children. It's chemical. Raising children is the most meaningful act
Why make that broad statement people who don't want kids are selfish? I never wanted a 4 door sedan, a neck tattoo, go to a country music concert or own a pet gorilla, but no one ever calls me selfish for not having those things I've never wanted.. they only say it about people without kids. Do you need to put us down to make yourself feel more important?
Load More Replies...To each their own but life is not complete without seeing yourself in your kids and leaving a legacy!
My life is totally complete without the children I never desired to have. My life is amazing! I guess I lack the narcissism gene that thinks the world needs me to leave my DNA behind. Charities are experiencing the joy of my legacy and we're all good with that.
Load More Replies...Do those friends have friends who might be interested in you? I had crushes on men who had no interest in me, but they had friends who liked me as more than a friend. I had a friend who wanted more than friendship, but I didn't. He was a lovely friend, so I gave him advice on exactly what women to date - and he ended up in a two-year relationship, they broke up on good terms and then he met his wife.
Load More Replies...They met their own level for nurturing and companionship. Why force it above that?
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