“Wine Mums”: People Online Describe What They Consider To Be A Terrible Parent (30 Examples)
Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a recipe for the perfect parent. If there was, no one would be called terrible for the way they’re raising their child. But since such a recipe has not been introduced yet, some people might be shamed for their parenting practices.
A curious redditor turned to the ‘Ask Reddit’ community members with a question of what screams “I’m a terrible parent” to them. People were honest about what they considered the biggest red flags in moms and dads out there. And even though they shared different opinions, they all had one thing in common—none of them were likely to be deemed commendable examples of parenting.
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Getting your kid's school principal fired for showing Michelangelo's David to the class.
It's kinda weird to me how human bodies are seen as something to be ashamed of. It's simply a vessel for your journey on earth. Everyone has one, come on. Plus, at school the worst that could happen is everyone would go "haha penis"
Not saying sorry to your kid when you are in the wrong or made a mistake.
Filming your child trying to mock them only because "it's funny" when it's clearly uncomfortable for them, and then post the video on the internet
In kindergarten my teacher filmed me having a meltdown because I couldn’t get my ski pants on, you know instead of helping me. Then showed it to me and told me off for having a meltdown. So having both home and school be places I couldn’t cry really helped me stop having meltdowns /s
Forcing your older children to parent your younger children. This is called parentification. It’s a form of abuse/neglect, and it’s unfortunately quite common.
parenting my sibling at home, parenting my friends at school, parenting smaller relatives under the age of 12 at events… can’t people understand that i wanna put my feet up with a drink in one hand and a bag of dry roasted nuts in the other?!
Defending every action/behaviour of your kid without hearing the other party's side. It's obviously natural and important to listen to your child, but you should not be disregarding the fact that your kid can make mistakes and is not perfect.
My mother grew up with a friend who had a mother that was like this, he could do no wrong in her eyes, he was her “golden child”. It got to the point it ending up being where it was his friends, and his friends parents, who would scold him whenever he did something wrong because his mom would always just defend him; enable him if you will. I never understood parents like this. These same parents, later on in life, wonder why their kids treat them like s**t -_-
Talking s**t about your ex infront of your kid
Blaming a child for something they can’t help.
When I was 10 I had trichotillomania, (a disorder which caused me to rip out my hair due to stress.)
My mother, (who was having chemo therapy at the time for cancer.) was in hospital, leaving me and my dad alone, when I got home he acted normal until he took me to my bedroom and started shouting and hissing in my face, spitting on me. Screaming, “You’re doing this for attention!” And “your mother doesn’t even have any hair and you’re doing this by choice!” I was shaking and crying as he mocked me for doing so, he then stomped downstairs on his laptop, and said, “You’re not normal, you’re getting therapy.” As a form of punishment. For the next few months, I’d go to weekly therapy with both my parents their in the room, and practically got shamed by all 3 of them, (I didn’t tell my mum what happened at the time) the therapist was a f*****g jerk. I got told I was overreacting, I was wrong for how I felt, I just had “low mood” and “was anxious.” I couldn’t open up about how I felt because both my parents were there.
Please do not blame your child for things they seriously cannot help.
If your little kids smell like cigarette smoke, you're a bad parent.
(I'm talking about now. There was a time people didn't know about the dangers of secondhand smoke, but they sure as hell know about it now.)
I once got told off by a teacher when I was in the seventh grade for having clothes that smelled like cigarette smoke. Both of my parents smoked, my older brother smoked. It was almost impossible to have anything in that house that didn't smell like cigarette smoke. My mom had to tell my teacher that the reason why I smelled of smoke was because of them.
Wine mums.
Those mums that get online and post about how they “need” wine to deal with their kids.
It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s s****y parenting.
True, there ist some misogyny in the Term though. You rarely hear complaints about "Whiskey dads" or guys(often with children) flexing their brewery knowledge. But moms cant enjoy a glass of wine in a thursday evening? Sure, some may have a problem, but this label ist too focused in women. Some women usw the term ironically.
People might hate me for this but obese kids
Like if your kid has a medical condition that makes it easy to gain weight, or whatever, as long as you try to keep them healthy despite that medical condition, you’re an alright parent! But if it’s the fact that your kid picked up YOUR habits and you don’t care whether they eat healthy, then yikes. Source: got bad eating habits from my parents :/
Parents not punishing their kids. All kids are different and some things might not work but if your child is actively disrespecting a teacher or physically hurting another person and your first thing is to make an excuse....
Not disciplining kids is a form of benign neglect. Sooner or later in life they will face repercussions for bad behavior.
Refusal to deal with your own trauma, and continuing the cycle of abuse.
I ended our family's. Unfortunately it took almost my whole life.
This is so true,I grew up being abused everyday imaginable,it nearly took my life a couple of times.But I can very proudly say my children had the opposite childhood that I did and they have grown to be loving caring men ,one who is now a fantastic father .I didn't think I would survive to be 16,let alone 53 ,married for 34 years with my soul mate and 2 sons and 2 daughter in laws that I love like my own...you have to brekq the Cycle
Pushing their children to live out their own dream rather than just supporting them to be themselves
An idiotic name (circa AITA Krxtxl) or anything similar.
Any parent I’ve ever seen who does this c**p treats their kid like an accessory.
iPad/phone parents. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against screen time but there has to be some boundary) I had a child in my last preschool class who literally ONLY spoke in YouTube quotes or video intro styles. I had to have him at age 4 permanently removed from my class for hockey fighting a kid and screaming “it’s a prank f***er” so yeah.. there’s been a lot of varying degree of screen obsession but that was one of the worst. That and the kid who hit my co teacher in the face with a poop filled hand for putting the iPads away for lunch time.
If it's for cultural name it should be given a pass. Other people can learn the proper pronunciation and learn to just accept that there are other languages out there than English, French, Spanish and Hebrew. I worked at a job where I had to ask for people's names and got a lot of Indian, Sri Lankan, Thai, Mandarin, Cantonese, Russian, names that looked like someone just smashed a keyboard "efiefhuifuireer" and called it a name. Still had to make an attempt with a "I'm apologize if I mispronounce the name..." https://globalnews.ca/news/9587949/indigenous-name-bc-birth-certificate/
The desire to want to be friends with your kid instead of a parent. Children have plenty of friends, but they only have two parents.
When you use your kids as emotional support figures or use them to cover your own irresponsibility. You had a 20 year head-start on your kid, yet they're already more responsible and mature.
Not saying 'no' to your child.
Some parents go to the opposite extreme, with every response to the child being 'no.' For me as a child, it automatically generated a "why?" for which I was lectured for back talking. Please teach children that there are reasons for decisions, and consequences for both cooperation and disobedience. Discipline literally means to teach, not punish. Children deserve to know how and why things work.
Parents who s**t-talk and criticize their kid in public just for behaving like a kid.
Especially when they're nowhere near out of control, and just asking for a candy bar or something.
This was my mom. My brother and I got yelled at constantly just for giggling and playing and having fun. She treated it as if we were being out of line and needed to be adult-like and quiet at all times. We were kids that weren't allowed to be kids.
Trying to gossip with one of your children about the other one
"I took my kid's door away" Apparently this is confusing people so I'm going to add the part that was super heavily implied.
"I took my kid's door away because if they're going to slam the door they don't deserve privacy"
I hope that clears up any confusion. And if I post somewhere else it's bad to beat a kid. I don't mean at games so no need to point out that it's okay to kick a kid's a*s in chess.
When I was 10 I got Roblox but only got to play for 2 days before it was banned for being an online game (as a young kid I raged a lot, you know, from anger issues caused by trauma). Anyways I played it in secret and would shut my door to do so everyday. My parents would get annoyed. And unrelated but yesterday I was watching videos on my phone in the dark (was still daytime) my mom comes in to grab something then starts questioning me about it like I was using my damn phone to run a drug dealing ring.
Neglecting your child's needs and safety.
Ridiculing your kids in public. Like, at least wait until you get in the car or at home.
Your kid is literally always grounded.
I used to get in trouble for stuff *other* people did. Example - Mom arranged for me to spend the afternoon at a classmates house. We weren't even friends, but she was nice enough. Her mother told us to go play outside unsupervised. My mom came to pick me up and found out the adult didn't know where we were and hadn't even tried to look. *I* got in trouble. I was maybe 7 or 8 years old?
Telling your child you're proud of them for something (1) they can't control or (2) you can't prove.
Eg: when I was a child, a lot of my classmates had disorders like OCD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, and similar. My mother used to tell me all the time that she was so relieved I didn't have any of those, and that it was "a blessing from God." Well as it turns out, I have all of those, and she simply never bothered to have me tested. When the symptoms became impossible to ignore, I couldn't talk to her about it.
My mom has ADHD and likely some other mental illness from her terrible childhood. She denies she has it. Would likely deny I have it. I’m pretty sure I have it because my two siblings do. I’ve taken multiple self assessments all suggesting I have ADHD. At some point me and my sister will try to get a doctor’s evaluation. So many hoops to jump through for an official diagnosis all because my mom is ignorant.
If their kids are older, and want nothing to do with them.
Parents whose first and only response to a child acting out (or even just being a little noisy) is to stick an iPad or mobile phone under their nose and then go back to ignoring them.
Equally...parents who do never do anything when a child is acting out and let them run wild - I get that sometimes you might need to let the kid exhaust themselves/burn off energy, but there has to be a middle ground somewhere between the two responses.
I was going to add parents who give their children stupid names/stupidly spelled names - but that's not necessarily bad parenting, just bad taste. Still...if it's going to get the kid bullied later in life, it's not great.
Several years ago was a Disney land in one of the restaurants. Large family group of about 25 sitting nearby. Kids running around bumping into people and never saw any parents trying to control them. Left a huge mess, too
Children with bad teeth
I had brushed my daughter's teeth and flossed morning and night, daily. I couldn't get her in to see any dentist in the city until she was 2. By then I was told she had 6 cavities. Those got fixed. Every other dentist visit we were told she had cavities. I've learned recently tiny cavities don't necessarily need fillings every times. But I think it was necessary because she continues to have tooth problem to this day no matter how diligent she is. As a contrast, I have a fear of dentists and it was quite a few years before I went to a dentist and neglected my own teeth. When I did get up the courage to go to a dentist I was sure much of my teeth were too bad and about to fall out. Turns out all they needed was a good cleaning and no cavities. What??? My daughter's dad has deteriorating teeth and her grandpa has had a history of tooth problems, despite going to the dentist. Genetics are weird and frustrating. I didn't do any bottle propping, nor give her much sweets, either.
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Parents who probably have undiagnosed mental disorders from a traumatic childhood and then get mad at their child for triggering said disorder even though the child has no idea they aren't supposed to do whatever it is because the parent won't accept that they OR their child has a disorder and so the child just never talks about their own disorders because the parent doesn't believe it's real
my mum had diagnosed depression (had to witness her parents’ divorce) but she still gives me flack for everything i do… i’m emetophobic (fear of sick) to the point where it’s giving me eating problems and she just decided to go “if you keep up like this you’ll have to be put on a drip”… like honestly why does she think that’ll make me go “oh thanks mum, i didn’t realise. i’m so stupid! i’ll stop having eating problems now”
Load More Replies... Parents who compare their children. "Why can't you be like your sister?" If I could go back in time I would respond to my mother, "Because I'm ME, not her. Every child is different. And she is three years older so she is ALWAYS going to be more mature than me. Why are you trying to make me into a carbon copy of her? Why are trying to ERASE ME?" Also, parents who name call. I got called "spoiled" for most of my childhood just because ONE time a rarely seen relative gave me sugar because they were worried that I was too thin. Then, rather than handling her dispute privately with her relative, she put me smack dab in the middle of it and I thought for years that her fallout with the relative was my fault. And by always calling me "spoiled", she just reinforced that. I became depressed as a teenager and got into therapy, where the therapist had to convince me that I was not a horrible person. Please , parents, THINK about the effect your words have on your children!
At my 2nd child’s Well Baby visit, right after leaving the hospital after she was born… our pediatrician told me, “Now, this is your second child. And you are going to want to make comparisons between your kids… but don’t. They are different people. They will do things differently and that’s totally fine. Let them be their own person. If this baby doesn’t walk as soon as your first one did… it’s fine. If she walks sooner than your first one did… it’s also fine. Don’t ever compare them!” His advice was sound… but also, I wanted to give him a hug and ask… who hurt you?
Load More Replies... A lot of bad parents were, themselves, victims of abuse or terrible parenting. Then they became adults that didn't know a better way to parent. The responsibility of being a good parent still rests on them, but I think in our hearts we should be understanding about why they are like they are.
I agree completely. The trouble is that even when parents do realise they need help, there's such a taboo about asking for help when it's actually a really positive thing to do and shows they care. And those that do ask for help often find that there isn't any to be found.
Load More Replies... Parents who probably have undiagnosed mental disorders from a traumatic childhood and then get mad at their child for triggering said disorder even though the child has no idea they aren't supposed to do whatever it is because the parent won't accept that they OR their child has a disorder and so the child just never talks about their own disorders because the parent doesn't believe it's real
my mum had diagnosed depression (had to witness her parents’ divorce) but she still gives me flack for everything i do… i’m emetophobic (fear of sick) to the point where it’s giving me eating problems and she just decided to go “if you keep up like this you’ll have to be put on a drip”… like honestly why does she think that’ll make me go “oh thanks mum, i didn’t realise. i’m so stupid! i’ll stop having eating problems now”
Load More Replies... Parents who compare their children. "Why can't you be like your sister?" If I could go back in time I would respond to my mother, "Because I'm ME, not her. Every child is different. And she is three years older so she is ALWAYS going to be more mature than me. Why are you trying to make me into a carbon copy of her? Why are trying to ERASE ME?" Also, parents who name call. I got called "spoiled" for most of my childhood just because ONE time a rarely seen relative gave me sugar because they were worried that I was too thin. Then, rather than handling her dispute privately with her relative, she put me smack dab in the middle of it and I thought for years that her fallout with the relative was my fault. And by always calling me "spoiled", she just reinforced that. I became depressed as a teenager and got into therapy, where the therapist had to convince me that I was not a horrible person. Please , parents, THINK about the effect your words have on your children!
At my 2nd child’s Well Baby visit, right after leaving the hospital after she was born… our pediatrician told me, “Now, this is your second child. And you are going to want to make comparisons between your kids… but don’t. They are different people. They will do things differently and that’s totally fine. Let them be their own person. If this baby doesn’t walk as soon as your first one did… it’s fine. If she walks sooner than your first one did… it’s also fine. Don’t ever compare them!” His advice was sound… but also, I wanted to give him a hug and ask… who hurt you?
Load More Replies... A lot of bad parents were, themselves, victims of abuse or terrible parenting. Then they became adults that didn't know a better way to parent. The responsibility of being a good parent still rests on them, but I think in our hearts we should be understanding about why they are like they are.
I agree completely. The trouble is that even when parents do realise they need help, there's such a taboo about asking for help when it's actually a really positive thing to do and shows they care. And those that do ask for help often find that there isn't any to be found.
Load More Replies...