Woman Is Not Given Bridesmaid Duties And Has To Sleep On The Couch At Friend’s Wedding So She Asks If She’s Right For Not Wanting To Pay For Lodging
Weddings have always been a big deal and a huge celebration that makes all the family that you haven’t seen in years come together. However, it has become quite popular to hold smaller weddings and include only the people you really care about and that you want to share this special moment with.
Interestingly, this new style of wedding can cause some tension between people who thought they were friends but realized they weren’t close enough to be on the wedding list. Reddit user mynortythrowaway experienced that herself and this experience made her realize her friendship with the future bride was not so strong.
More info: Reddit
Woman realized her friend of 6 years only said that she was important in her life, but her actions showed a different story
Image credits: Robert Kintner (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) has a friend that she named Josie in this story for the sake of privacy. They have been friends for 6 years despite them having an age gap.
Josie has been with her boyfriend for more than 15 years and they recently decided to finally get married, which was more of a formality, because they have already been living together in a house they bought together and had kids.
The OP knew her friend Josie was getting married but was taken aback when she saw the guest list didn’t include her
Image credits: u/mynortythrowaway
Because the couple didn’t feel like much was changing with their new status, they wanted to honor the occasion with the few people they knew they would have fun with. They rented out a mansion where they would be staying and getting married and invited over 10 people over. The couple asked to not bring any gifts and instead to just pay for the stay.
Besides the OP, Josie had another friend, Melody. They got really close in the past 3 years, but as the redditor saw it, the two had a frenemy relationship. There was another friend named Valerie that Josie had known from work for 2 years. Valerie was actually helping Josie to plan the wedding weekend.
She brushed it off as a mistake one could make if they are distracted, as Josie confirmed the OP will definitely be coming
Image credits: u/mynortythrowaway
The redditor was convinced she would be invited to the wedding as she felt her friendship with Josie was close, but when they had lunch together and the bride showed the OP the guest list, she noticed her name wasn’t on it.
Josie started explaining that it must have been a mistake and the OP will certainly attend her wedding. Another thing that the woman noticed was that some of the girls’ names had a star by them. Turns out, they marked the bridesmaids.
Then the OP noticed that there were not enough rooms in the mansion where they were supposed to be staying and turns out, she wasn’t given a room, just a couch
Image credits: u/mynortythrowaway
Those bridesmaids were the aforementioned Melody and Valerie, then Josie’s sister. Because the OP wasn’t on the list at all, she asked if she would be one of the bridesmaids as well. To the OP’s surprise, she wasn’t.
Josie explained that she didn’t want to upset Melody because she can get quite sensitive, but she knew the OP wouldn’t mind it. And she couldn’t replace Valerie because she was helping with the planning so the bride would feel bad for not including her.
On top of that, even though she was Josie’s oldest friend, she wasn’t being made a bridesmaid or the maid of honor, which hurt the woman’s feelings
Image credits: Joseph Kranak (not the actual image)
Understandably, this upset the OP, contrary to Josie’s belief, because she considered her to be a good and close friend, but decided to let it go. After all, this was a small wedding and only a few could become bridesmaids.
Just when the OP had managed to swallow this bitter pill, Josie showed her the plan of the house and the woman realized there were less rooms than guests invited. Apparently, Josie was planning to make the OP sleep on the couch or bunk with the children as she was coming alone.
The other bridesmaids didn’t understand why the OP couldn’t just sleep on the couch so she wondered if she was overreacting
Image credits: u/mynortythrowaway
The redditor told Josie that she would rather book a hotel, showing that she felt underappreciated and offended, when the friend quickly reacted and reassured her that their friendship is so strong she couldn’t get married without her.
The other two Josie’s friends, Valerie and Melody, know about the situation and they think that the OP is being too sensitive, but the cost of being able to sleep on the couch would be $500 and destroyed dignity.
Redditors suggested that she talk about this with Josie more and find out if she was being genuine as they suspected she wasn’t a very good friend
Image credits: u/mynortythrowaway
People mostly thought that the OP was absolutely right to be upset and many of them suspected that Josie was not a really good friend. They suggested to talk it out and not bottle up her frustrations.
The woman did just that and asked Josie the difficult questions of why she wasn’t on the list, why she was supposed to sleep with the kids and actually felt that the two of them had a genuine bonding moment.
Turns out, Josie wasn’t telling the whole truth as the OP later found out there was another bridesmaid and she was made one because she was flying in from another state. Josie found an excuse to make another of her friends a bridesmaid, but just being a good friend apparently was not enough.
The two women talked and the OP felt that they had started a fight over nothing
Image credits: u/mynortythrowaway
Image credits: Aaron Stidwell (not the actual image)
The woman was really mad and realized that this friendship was over. It was a really hurtful realization as Josie had been there for OP when she broke up with her boyfriend and took her in for free when she didn’t have anywhere to live.
Now the woman realized that at some point, the connection between them had weakened and it was time to let it go. But not before trying one more time. Josie asked the OP to come to her office so the friend was expecting an apology, maybe even sorting this out. The thing that Josie wanted was to ask the OP to pick up her toddler from daycare because she was so busy she couldn’t do it herself.
Until the OP found out that Josie had made another of her friends a bridesmaid and purposefully hid it
Image credits: u/mynortythrowaway
This showed the OP Josie was not worth keeping as a friend, especially because she didn’t try to apologize and even dared to ask her for a favor after all of this
Image credits: u/mynortythrowaway
The woman just laughed in her face and left. She was definitely not attending the wedding and was glad to save the $500 she would have paid for sleeping on the couch and not even getting to be a bridesmaid.
People were applauding her for standing up for herself because everyone knows how hard it is to see that a friend is toxic and then to decide to cut them out of your life.
We would like to know if you think that the OP should have just attended the wedding and been a good friend by conforming to the bride’s wishes? Or do you think that Josie’s attitude showed that she didn’t really appreciate her friend?
Other Redditors assured the OP she was doing the right thing and shouldn’t have settled for a couch and not being a bridesmaid when every other friend was
Guest in the wedding is a favour for the couple. Under no obligation are guests responsible for money, organisation and there to offer maid/sitter services. Go out, have fun, book yourself in a spa. I sent one of those type of friends my regrets and a divorce lawyer phone number. They got divorced, yet in my eyes she never was a friend. A friend involves and shares their happiness and sorrows, not dictates and judges and manipulates. Good riddance!
Ugh. I had a circle of frenemies in high school and they treated me just like this. I wish I had punched them and screamed horrible insults at them, instead of just putting up with it. Leave these bitches in the dust. You.are their favorite joke.
OP should look up the definition of a narcissist. They always have the 'perfect' answer for every question, but then you go away and realise it was very off. She should seriously spend the money on a nice break for herself, and the whole time, think about the bridesmaids who have to actually spend time with that d*****s b***h, and laugh her head off
I'd let the bridesmaid thing go, brides are trying to juggle a lot of personalities and keep lots of people happy. But the sleeping on the couch, nope.
the thing is i can see why the bridesmaid thing is an issue. it's one thing to not make a friend a bridesmaid. it's another to pick people you hardly know, and those people's SISTERS and then others just because they flew in, but when it's you, the oldest friend they have, it's "just a title you don't need the title you know how important you are". my best friend is getting married right now. i'm her maid of honour. if she'd said she's only making family members bridesmaids so i'm not on the list, i wouldn't be bothered in the slightest i totally understand. if she picked friends she made in the last year but not me, her best friend since age 12, i would be really REALLY hurt
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She would have been the free babysitter of the event. No real friend would put someone close in the dark over b******t people. Why pay to go to a fancy place to sleep on a couch in a room with children and no privacy? Ftb (f that b). This woman stood up for herself and her adultness is strong. Don't take b******t just because you're someone's "friend".
I have the feels for this lady. So sad. Hopefully she finds better friends in the future.
I'd say chuck it and spend your money on yourself and not pay to be an underappreciated free for them babysitter. I wouldn't go, just send a modest gift and card wishing them well. My attitude is I don't take sh*t from friends----otherwise they're not really friends...just selfish aquantances.
I wouldn't send her a gift because that reinforces that behavior. She forgot to invite you so forget to send her anything. Plus if the friendship is gone, what do you care if you send her a gift.
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i think she wants you to be around because you made yourself so available for her. i think she manipulated you for so long and she knows you very well. her true loyalty is with her other friends not with you. i hope you will stay away from her. find another friend instead. it is like a cycle of abusing emotionally abusing a friend.
Oh honey, you would not be sleeping on a couch… you’d be a nanny to kids. That’s why she did not make you bridesmaid (you would not have a time for that because of nanny duties) and that’s why “lodging with kids”. Continue doing pedi and having fun with your real friends, don’t go to a Wedding where you will have to pay for work that you’ll do.
Sorry, I don’t believe she really wants you there. It’s tough to take, but you didn’t make more than 1 list and when she added another bridesmaid it wasn’t you. And then there’s the room issue and her expecting you to pay full price of a room for a couch with no privacy. This woman does not value your friendship. I wouldn’t even have any more talks with her but I wouldn’t go to her wedding or go with her anywhere after she gets back. If she really can’t tell how she is belittling you she is just an idiot, this would end the friendship for me.
Not sure why the “friend” couldn’t just make her a dang bridesmaid since she made everyone else one. If she’s expected to sleep on the couch, I hope she wasn’t expected to pay an equal amount as those who had the privacy of a room.
If there are only 10 people, you should have at most on moh. Seriously weird
She tried getting OP to pay to babysit?! Oh man, I feel sorry for Josie's future spouse!
I’m always surprised adults really get this upset about friends. IDK seems immature
500$ to sleep on a couch in a mansion surrounded by noisy teens. Yeah, that's the dream alright. TOTALLY nonsense.
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Guest in the wedding is a favour for the couple. Under no obligation are guests responsible for money, organisation and there to offer maid/sitter services. Go out, have fun, book yourself in a spa. I sent one of those type of friends my regrets and a divorce lawyer phone number. They got divorced, yet in my eyes she never was a friend. A friend involves and shares their happiness and sorrows, not dictates and judges and manipulates. Good riddance!
Ugh. I had a circle of frenemies in high school and they treated me just like this. I wish I had punched them and screamed horrible insults at them, instead of just putting up with it. Leave these bitches in the dust. You.are their favorite joke.
OP should look up the definition of a narcissist. They always have the 'perfect' answer for every question, but then you go away and realise it was very off. She should seriously spend the money on a nice break for herself, and the whole time, think about the bridesmaids who have to actually spend time with that d*****s b***h, and laugh her head off
I'd let the bridesmaid thing go, brides are trying to juggle a lot of personalities and keep lots of people happy. But the sleeping on the couch, nope.
the thing is i can see why the bridesmaid thing is an issue. it's one thing to not make a friend a bridesmaid. it's another to pick people you hardly know, and those people's SISTERS and then others just because they flew in, but when it's you, the oldest friend they have, it's "just a title you don't need the title you know how important you are". my best friend is getting married right now. i'm her maid of honour. if she'd said she's only making family members bridesmaids so i'm not on the list, i wouldn't be bothered in the slightest i totally understand. if she picked friends she made in the last year but not me, her best friend since age 12, i would be really REALLY hurt
Load More Replies... She would have been the free babysitter of the event. No real friend would put someone close in the dark over b******t people. Why pay to go to a fancy place to sleep on a couch in a room with children and no privacy? Ftb (f that b). This woman stood up for herself and her adultness is strong. Don't take b******t just because you're someone's "friend".
I have the feels for this lady. So sad. Hopefully she finds better friends in the future.
I'd say chuck it and spend your money on yourself and not pay to be an underappreciated free for them babysitter. I wouldn't go, just send a modest gift and card wishing them well. My attitude is I don't take sh*t from friends----otherwise they're not really friends...just selfish aquantances.
I wouldn't send her a gift because that reinforces that behavior. She forgot to invite you so forget to send her anything. Plus if the friendship is gone, what do you care if you send her a gift.
Load More Replies... i think she wants you to be around because you made yourself so available for her. i think she manipulated you for so long and she knows you very well. her true loyalty is with her other friends not with you. i hope you will stay away from her. find another friend instead. it is like a cycle of abusing emotionally abusing a friend.
Oh honey, you would not be sleeping on a couch… you’d be a nanny to kids. That’s why she did not make you bridesmaid (you would not have a time for that because of nanny duties) and that’s why “lodging with kids”. Continue doing pedi and having fun with your real friends, don’t go to a Wedding where you will have to pay for work that you’ll do.
Sorry, I don’t believe she really wants you there. It’s tough to take, but you didn’t make more than 1 list and when she added another bridesmaid it wasn’t you. And then there’s the room issue and her expecting you to pay full price of a room for a couch with no privacy. This woman does not value your friendship. I wouldn’t even have any more talks with her but I wouldn’t go to her wedding or go with her anywhere after she gets back. If she really can’t tell how she is belittling you she is just an idiot, this would end the friendship for me.
Not sure why the “friend” couldn’t just make her a dang bridesmaid since she made everyone else one. If she’s expected to sleep on the couch, I hope she wasn’t expected to pay an equal amount as those who had the privacy of a room.
If there are only 10 people, you should have at most on moh. Seriously weird
She tried getting OP to pay to babysit?! Oh man, I feel sorry for Josie's future spouse!
I’m always surprised adults really get this upset about friends. IDK seems immature
500$ to sleep on a couch in a mansion surrounded by noisy teens. Yeah, that's the dream alright. TOTALLY nonsense.
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