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Even with the best intentions and brilliant 200-IQ strategies, some children won’t want to be taught important life lessons by their parents. They. Just. Won’t. Listen. And sometimes, these lessons can backfire so spectacularly, they end up making thousands of people laugh.

When Reddit user -Don-Draper- asked parents to share the times their lessons completely backfired, they sparked a whirlwind of a discussion that had us giggling at the fantastic sense of humor The Universe flexes whenever we desperately want something to work. Upvote your fave parenting stories as you scroll down, dear Pandas. And we can’t wait to read your own lesson disasters in the comment section!

What this shows is just how important communication between parents and their children really is. Bored Panda spoke about how to best communicate with kids with Samantha Scroggin, who works in government communications and is the founder of the ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ blog for parents. Read on for her insights.

#1

I taught my 4-year-old to always compliment people who insult you. Later, we were helping my mother shop for a bathing suit when a woman said something rude to her. My kid squeezed out from behind me and told the woman, 'Your teeth are such a pretty yellow!'

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#2

As good people, we taught our kids that littering isn't nice. As humans, we also let some curse words fly in front of them.

We were at our city's 4th of July celebration when the oldest was 4. We were walking around and someone tossed their trash on the ground. Captain Litterbug flew into action, picked up the trash and yelled, "Hey a**hole, you dropped this," while tapping them on the butt.

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#3

When my daughter was young I was trying to teach her the value of money and decided to start giving her an allowance. I explained that because she helped out and did her chores, she had earned money to spend on whatever she wanted. She happily accepted and stashed her money in her room, Later that evening before I tucked her in to bed, she goes to her money jar, pulls out 2$ and hands it to me, and explains that it's for being a good daddy.

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“Communication is an area I have a lot of experience in, working in government communications for a living. Even with that experience, communicating with my kids is a challenge!” Samantha from ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ told us that even being a professional such as herself doesn’t automatically make things easy.

According to Samantha, her kids are very intense and high energy, so they need lots of validation. Now that’s something that quite a few parents can relate to! This means that some kids might need feedback from their parents all the time (which can be exhausting during lockdown) while other children might be more likely to ignore any life lessons being taught to them because they’re constantly on the move.

#4

At dinner with fam. Starting a swear jar that we all agree the money will go to help animals at the local shelter. Got all the rules down with the kids and they are excited to start. Daughter (8) says "Well s**t im gona help the animals i'll be right back!" before wife and i can even process what she got away with our son (6) blurts out "F**k yeah me too!" both running to get money from their rooms...

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#5

My parents told my sister if she found a horse for free, she could have it. She was an industrious 8 yr old and found a free lease in the paper. She managed to call and sound adult enough to truck the barn into thinking this was a great idea. A trailer pulled up a few days later and unloaded a horse in the yard. Shocked the hell out of mom. And that started 20 years of horse ownership.

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#6

My friend’s 10 year-old daughter was going over to a friend’s house in the same apartment complex, but a few buildings away.

Mom: “Ok, what do we do if someone tries to grab you?”

Daughter: “Kick him in the balls and yell ‘FIRE’!”

Mom: “Ha, right, but that’s not a good word, it’s ‘testicles’.”

Daughter: “Ok, kick him in the balls and yell ‘TESTICLES’!”

Mom: “You know...that might work too.”

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SoozeeQ
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Priceless! (And saying "fire" is good too. If someone yells, "rape", chances are people won't want to get involved, but if they yell "fire" people will come from everywhere!)

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But the important thing is to breathe in, relax, and be patient. Even if our little munchkins can drive us insane sometimes, we’re the adults and we need to act all mature. And that means sacrificing some of our well-earned leisure time to give our kids the attention they need from us.

“Although kids constantly vying for our attention can be grating, I think it's important we put down our phones sometimes, look them in the eyes and say, ‘Tell me all about that cardboard robot you made.’ Kids want our undivided attention on occasion, and to hear how proud of them we are,” Samantha said.

Now that’s something all parents should take to heart. This might just make your kids more open to learning the lessons you want to teach them in the future! All that remains is hoping The Universe doesn’t find some way to prank parents again.

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#7

I was teaching my daughter that if she’s in any situation where anyone is doing something she doesn’t like, she tells them to stop. If they continue, use the palm of her hand and punch “up” on their nose.

My husband and his brother were throwing her back and forth in a pool, she kept asking them to stop, when her dad caught her again, boom. She broke his nose. Literally. There was blood everywhere.

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#8

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results When I was little my family was at an Angels game. My mother went to the restroom and left me with my dad. I wandered off and was eventually found halfway around the stadium. A crowd had gathered to watch as a police officer held me out at arms length while I screamed, 'Call the police! This man is not my daddy!' My parents had taught me stranger danger, but forgotten to teach me what police looked like.

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#9

When my daughter was about 5 she asked why we need rain. I explained to her that we need to it grow the food we all eat that are plants. She asked why we need the veggies and I used this as an opportunity to get her to eat her veggies so I told her if she wanted to grow up at all she needs to eat lots of veggies. This kid has requested cucumbers or carrots or bell peppers or any crunchy kinda veggie as her snack since then. It's pretty awesome...

But now I can't enjoy a bag of chips at home any more. She'll walk in shake her head and tell me to go easy "because you're done growing UP, so you can only grow out..."

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#10

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results My teenage son was staying up super late on his laptop doing teenage internet things (porn & gaming I assume) and f***ing up in school, so we put parental controls on the router so that the internet would be turned off from 11 pm to 7 am.

This of course impacted my wife and I, because we lost internet access during those hours too. Grumble grumble damn kids, etc.

Anyway, he was way more tech-savvy than we were, so he was able to bypass the parental controls, and stay on-line as late as he wanted. So the end result of the parental controls was that the parents didn't have internet, but the teenager did.

paul99501 , torontoobserver.ca Report

#11

My son was playing with deodorant and a lighter and almost set himself on fire. I made him write out "I must not play with aerosols" one hundred times. He wrote "I must not play with arseholes" one hundred times. It is now framed and hanging on the wall.

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#12

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results I read a book that suggested you ask your kid what an appropriate punishment for misbehaving would be and then carry it out. My 6-year-old son pinched his brother, so we asked him what an appropriate punishment would be. He said, 'Pluck out my eyeballs and throw me over a cliff.' We didn't carry it out.

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#13

My 8 year old was spending too much time playing video games. I asked him to research the harmful results of too much time gaming. He came back with his report stating he needed “gaming glasses” and a “gaming chair.”

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#14

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results Sucessfuly taught my child to question authority. Forgot I was an authority.

AkumaBengoshi , Andy Michael Report

#15

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results My sister tried to teach her kids not to gamble, so she bought a few lottery tickets to show them that they were all going to be losers. She won $500.

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SoozeeQ
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only gamble what you can afford to lose! (I once bought a QuickPick and won $25.40. I was hoping for the jackpot of $12 million, but still, the win covered the cost of the ticket and then some).

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#16

Told my children repeatedly that if I found anymore mess/junk on their bedroom floor, I would be donating it to the thrift store. I told them they had 15 minutes to clean it up off the floor.

Came back to find everything picked up, except they went into the kitchen cupboards and had put every food they didn't like in a nice neat pile right in the middle of the floor.

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#17

I was trying to teach my 4 year old that it is important to go to sleep because our brains need to recharge. I compared it to my IPad needing to recharge after it dies.

He said “okay...” and got really quiet. Then told me, “mom, I need to go to sleep.” I agreed with him, but asked why he was suddenly tired. He started crying and said “because I don’t want to die.”

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#18

Watching the World Cup Semi final this year with my 4 yo daughter, I was trying to teach her how we wanted the team in White to win (England), and not the team in Black (Croatia). We even chanted a couple of “C’mon England!” chants together.

Newly enthused with a love for chanting, she suddenly started shouting;

“CMON ENGLAND! BEAT THE BLACKS! WE HATE THE BLACKS! WE HATE THE BLACKS!”

Quickly taught her the “We don’t say it like that” lesson.

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#19

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results My parents taught me to call 9-1-1 when I saw somebody doing something illegal. I called the cops on The Wiggles Movie I was watching when I was 5 because a clown stole a cake.

Turtelbob , Jarrett Campbell Report

#20

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results My wife tried to explain the concept of heaven to our 5 year old after great grandpa passed. My daughter did not believe one ounze of it. She responded "you're making that up mommy, you can't be in heaven and a cemetery at the same time".

foh242 , photogramma1 Report

#21

Me and my wife started using code words in front of the children, mainly if we wanted to discuss plans without getting the kids too excited and getting their hopes up. For example we would say GP instead of play ground, cylindrical slice of cow place instead of McDonald's.

They have cottoned on to this and now use code words amongst themselves which we're struggling to figure out.

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SirPatTheCat
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once when I was probably about 6 my mom and her friend were talking about rice crispies and wanted to be discreet because there were a lot of excitable kids around. She tried to spell out “R-i-c-e c-r-i-s-p-i-e-s” because she didn’t want me to know, but underestimated my spelling skills and I proceeded to shout “RICE CRISPIES??!!” and started a riot xD

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#22

When I was like 16, my dad told me that I need to stop treating him and my mom like my friends because they're my parents. The very next day, before I got home from school, I had friend requests from both of my parents on Facebook. I denied them both. When my dad got home from work we had a conversation that went like this: Dad: Did you see that your mom made a Facebook account? Me: Yes, I did. Dad: Well, did you accept her friend request? Me: No, I didn't. Dad: Why not? Me: Because, just yesterday you told me you're my parents, not my friends. By the way, I also denied your friend request.

My dad just looked at me, looked at my mom who was almost in shock over my response, and said, "He's not wrong. I said that."

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#23

Not me but my aunt - she was trying to teach my young cousins that spiders are leggy friends and nothing to be scared of. She demonstrated this by bringing them all into the bathroom to witness a huge wolf spider.

"You see, it's so much more scared of us than we are of AAAAARGGGGHHH!"

It bit her. Of course it bit her. She flung it high into the air, screaming blue murder, whilst her newly traumatised offspring screamed a falsetto counterpoint.

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#24

My aunt and uncle were trying to teach my cousins to address adults as 'Mr.' and 'Mrs.' In order to do this, they used each other as examples, and consequently were known to their kids as Mr. and Mrs. Iannuccilli for two months. One of the funniest moments of my life was hearing my uncle describe how in the middle of the night instead of hearing ‘Dad’ he started hearing, ‘Mr Iannuccilli!’ Cracks me up every time.

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JuJu
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My 10yo decided one day to call his gandparents by their first names, because "we know each other long enough now".

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#25

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results Not a parent, but when I was little I noticed my sister was writing her name on the walls with crayon. Taking on the role of Helpful Big Sister, I informed her that if she was going to graffiti things she shouldn't write her name and give herself away. A few weeks later she carved patterns — and MY name — into the desk in the study.

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#26

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results Not a parent but when I was around 12, my father suspected that I stayed up late playing videogames, even though I didn't. One night he went into my room and told me that I shouldn't play my Game Boy Advance past bedtime, because I needed to rest. That's when I realized I could play my Game Boy Advance past bedtime, and I've suffered from insomnia since then.

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WilvanderHeijden
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never warn a child to NOT do something, because you are teaching them that it is actually something you CAN do. "Don't drop the glass" or "Don't slam the door" and guess what will happen.

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#27

When my son was about 3 or 4 he started to ask about how babies are born. I sat him down and gave him a very simple, age appropriate explanation.

He just looked at me, shook his head and said just said 'No.' Very calmly but in a 'I can't believe you think that's how it works' tone of voice like I'd told him fake news.

I was prepared for difficult questions and even prepared for the fact that he might ask me things that even I didn't know, but I was completely unprepared for him to just simply not believe me when I told him the truth. I just sat there not knowing what to do while he went back to playing lego.

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#28

40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results One of my 5-year-old twins was still having accidents because she'd get so caught up doing things that she'd pee her pants. To combat this, we began giving her a prize when she didn't have an accident. This caused her twin sister to START having accidents so she could get prizes too.

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S.
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of that moment when someone tried to potty train their goats by luring them to the designated spot with treats, but then every the goats saw their owner... They'd just pee.

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#29

As the kid and not the dad...When I was 11 my father caught me smoking. As a punishment he made me finish the whole pack.

I hated my first cigarette and had no intention of ever smoking again. But after smoking that pack I would try to hang out with the older kids and smoke with them because after all, my punishment wasnt as bad as the usual whoopin' and they found me funny to have around.

I smoked until I was 37 or so. Yeah, my dad was an idiot.

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Melissa Powell
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother accidentally set our house on fire. Needed new roof. Fire department wrote it up as bad wiring etc. Nex weekend my dad caught my brother smoking. My brother was about 12. My dad beat the crap out of him. My dad was yelling, my brother was screaming, me and my mom were crying. This was back in the day when you could beat the crap out of your kids and everyone thought it was not such a bad thing to do. My brother had 3 kids, 2 boys and I don't think he every laid a hand on either one or his daughter.

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Marci Rommal
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a similar experience. I got caught smoking about 11 also. Mom put the CARTON in front of me and told me to smoke up. I got through about 3 or 4 packs before SHE got sick and stopped me. I went on to smoke for over 40 years. I stopped when I had a heart attack 5 years ago.

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IlovemydogShilo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still remember my parents having the Don't Smoke conversation with my brother. My dad stood there telling him all that was wrong with smoking while smoking himself. 35 years later my brother still smokes.

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Blue of the yams (They/He)
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Great aunt grew up on a farm in Norway, and found her father's cigarettes in the attic. She invited all the farm hand's kids for a smoking party in the wheat field (she was 9 and the youngest was 2) Her father found them, and his punishment to her was to make her ask him for forgiveness. She says it was one of the hardest things she ever did.

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Arushi Mahadeva
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was a horrible call from the dad, also, i'm twelve, he was smoking at 11!??

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TheAnimalLady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Read ALL these comments if you want to understand. It's cultural and we've learned better than to do this nowadays (most have anyway). Our parents did this in the old days.

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Irene Carlyle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yes, he was...and an abuser.. i'm glad you were able to quit and i hope you got over your Dad.

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Jacqui Dunn
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just finishing one would have been enough. Especially if it involved taking the smoke down, which people who don't smoke rarely do....they puff the smoke out and it doesn't get near their lungs. But oh dear, if you do take it down, you'll feel pretty ill. I know, because I was determined to "master" smoking, but it took a long time before I stopped feeling very queasy after a couple of puffs.

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PurpleUnicorn
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same happened with my grandfather when he was 10. Smoked all his life and ended up with emphysema by the time he died age 73

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Christine M Quigley
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandmother made my uncle EAT a cigarette with mashed potatoes. He never smoked after that.

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Maddie Reynolds
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I Would just take my kid to them doctor and have them explain the danger of smoking and the effects it has on the body

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Tammy Rawdon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No wonder you are Jaded, Queen. Maybe it'd help you to go to PsychologyToday.com to learn more about the different ways control freaks bully. Because getting beaten for such a minor (normal for kids to try stuff) thing isn't right. And controlling who you talk to because of that seems a bit much too. I hope that I'm wrong, but I see red flags waving. Not saying that smoking or drinking is good, but just that I hope you're OK.

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John Miller
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We were walking home from school and dad drove pass us and saw my brother smoking, so when we got home he saId he had something for us and gave us both a pack of cigarettes. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE GAVE THEM TO ME, I DIDNT SMOKE. My brother thought it was great until he made us eat them. I was so sick i never started the habit. THANK YOU DAD. My brother stopped smoking only to start up again a few years later.

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HalfShelli
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3 years ago

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I call shenanigans here. If you were a kid and ate cigarettes, you be dead after around five, depending on your weight. If he even made you eat ONE, that’s attempted murder.

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Lovin' Life
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom did that to me!!!! I had to smake a whole pack of Pall Mall Non filter full flavored cigs. It was disgusting but didnt deter me from smoking.

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Katharine Lancaster
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s the punishment I got when my dad caught me smoking a cigarette when I was 10. It made me sick to my stomach. But… It’s been 30 years since that happened and I’m still smoking.

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LivingTheDream
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My asshole step dad did the same thing when I was 11. All it did was create a rebellious streak in me that eventually ended up in drug addiction. He's dead and I have almost 30 years clean. Screw that jerk off.

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Ludwig Van Halen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He should make the kids smoke a cigarette when they are young to show them how horrible it is and then they will never do it again in their whole life.

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TheAnimalLady
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have been talking about it...for 1/2 a year!?! Did you not read ANY comments before you posted?!?

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TheAnimalLady
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was literally asking... is "brand back the conversation" slang or something? (& If we knew who you're talking to maybe we could figure out what it means.)

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Julia Love
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Smoking is bad for you and if you do it to much it can give you lung cancer...and even kill you! if you want to live, don't smoke!

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that rando_;)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandmother smoked because that's what they did at the time. My aunt and my mother(who were children at the time) did everything in their power to stop her. School hadn't educated my grandmother or my grandfather about smoking, so my grandfather always ended up buying new cigarettes for her.

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that rando_;)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here are some of the tactics they used to get rid of cigarettes: 1) Throw them away 2) Stopm on them and break the package 3) Flush them down the toilet.

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Ella Greenman
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God no. I am not saying people who smoke are bad, but smoking itself is. It IS addictive, y did they think that would help

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Viola Salyers
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IF YOUR GOING TO PUNISH A KID FOR SMOKING TAKE AWAY THEIR ALLOWANCE SO THEY CAN"T BUY MORE

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TheAnimalLady
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, but it was acceptable to send your (underage) kids to the store it buy them for you 🙄, if you were a regular. Stores didn't care, anything for a buck 🤑

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Claire Elizabeth
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol my uncle had a similar experience. He was caught smoking, and my grandparents proceeded to make him smoke the whole pack. Instead of continuing to smoke, he vomited after finishing.

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Rosemari Ferreira Gebbran
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A friend's dad made him eat the whole pack of cigarettes. He was also an idiot.

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Lucifer321
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's disgusting. Why on Earth were you doing that at 11?!?!?! I just......

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Elaine Mattingly
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You were the dummy , not your Daddy. I'm sorry I called you a dummy. I'm the dummy for the price I'm paying for smoking. My Dad offered each of us a car when we turned 18 if we did not smoke. Three of us have lung problems and one got a car as promised. He taught us scriptures, talked to us with respect, ponted out the danger BUT it was SO COOL to be in the smoking group at school, we even has a designated area for smoking!

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Elaine Mattingly
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Two wrongs made a wronger. He surely didn't realize the danger in that and neither did any of us dummies realize the danger in smoking in those years.. Someone I love left earth this week, I wish someone could have helped her realize. None of of know the right approach to protecting the young from advertising glamor. .

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Mandalorian
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude! 11? Smoking? Geez. Some of us are brighter than others.

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Hanne DeBann
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's actually reasonable. I know my late grandfather would do the same.

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Ava Hess
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3 years ago

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Your really an idiot smoking can ruin your lunges and can give you cancer

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#30

My nephew mispronounced the name of a certain kitchen appliance, so my sister broke it into syllables very distinctly for him, saying "it's mi-cro-wave."

My nephew nodded very seriously and replied "It's your crow wave!"

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Binxyminxem
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol reminds me when I was little, me and my family were going to Miami on holiday. I asked my mum what's an ami, do I have one, what's her Ami's name etc. 😁

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#31

I taught them to stand up for what they believe in....
All of a sudden they believed veggies were the devil and bedtimes should be abolished.

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#32

I wasn't trying to teach him but I was asking my three year old what the colors of traffic lights mean. Green means go, Red means stop and Yellow means speed up. From his experience I guess that made sense also made me more aware of how I'm driving.

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#33

I tried to teach my kids to be content within themselves and how to be alone. Full success, they rarely ever go out. 22 and 24. They are so mellow that they don't tell us when something goes wrong since they were middle schoolers.

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