Man Sobs After Ex-Wife Refuses To Have His 5-Year-Old Over For Christmas
Moms, dads, siblings, cousins, and grandparents – it’s no big secret that your close family members can be a great source of support. You know, celebrating your highs, being there for you for your lows, and occasionally bickering about petty little things.
The same goes for all the partners – but unlike your relationship with your grandmother, for example, life tends to mess those up far more.
Falling out of love, being financially irresponsible, lack of communication, addiction, adultery – all these things are common reasons for divorce; and when any relationship ends, it’s not uncommon for one or both partners to feel intense hatred for the other, meaning that for some, being friendly with one another is simply out of the picture.
More info: Reddit
You know how it is: you don’t owe anything to anyone and they don’t owe you anything either
Image credits: Josh McGinn (not the actual image)
“AITA for not allowing my daughter’s half sister to spend Christmas with us?” – this web user turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, wondering whether she’s indeed a jerk for refusing to include her ex’s daughter in her Christmas celebration. The post managed to garner over 15K upvotes as well as 8.7K comments discussing the situation.
Woman ponders whether she’s indeed a jerk for not allowing her kid’s half-sister to spend Christmas with them
Image credits: u/Christmas_Joy231
The author of the post began her story by revealing that she’s a divorcee and is sharing custody of her 13-year-old daughter with her ex-husband, who’s married and has a 5-year-old child with his now-wife. The mother revealed that her kid frequently spent time with her half-sister. Furthermore, she stated that the girls adore one another, but the little one never comes to her house.
Unfortunately, the man’s wife has been diagnosed with cancer and is currently undergoing treatment. Recently, when the author’s ex came to drop their daughter off, he addressed his partner’s situation and how his family won’t be able to celebrate Christmas this year.
When the author’s ex came to drop their daughter off, he mentioned how his family won’t be able to celebrate Christmas due to his wife’s cancer diagnosis
Image credits: JBLM MWR (not the actual image)
He said that it’s unfair for his daughter and questioned whether the author could include her in her family’s celebration. The man added that the girls would have a spectacular time together, “bonding and making memories.”
The woman said no and blamed her decision on how sacred her family’s traditional celebration is. She also claimed that she won’t feel comfortable including anyone else, which is rather odd given that it’s just a preschooler who also happens to be her daughter’s sister – but hey, as most community members said, she’s well within her rights to refuse.
Given how well their kid and the man’s 5-year-old get along, the ex-spouse wondered whether she could invite the child to her family’s celebration, but the woman refused
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Image credits: u/Christmas_Joy231
The woman went on to say that having the 5-year-old in her house would be “awkward.” The guy argued that while his daughter is not a part of the author’s family per se, she is to her half-sister; nonetheless, the woman wasn’t having it and recommended he take his daughter to his parents’ house, but was then told that they had no contact.
She attempted to end the conversation but the man started talking about how cruel it was for her to refuse to invite his daughter, who is already going through a difficult time. The author noticed that her ex was becoming quite overwhelmed, so she stepped back and terminated the conversation.
The man accused his former partner of being “cruel,” claiming that the kid is already having a hard time adjusting
Image credits: u/Christmas_Joy231
The woman then offered some extra commentary, stating that her family, who will also be attending the Christmas celebration, will be uncomfortable if the child joins
Image credits: Dave Luxton (not the actual image)
Later, the man texted the author to ask her once again if she would allow his daughter to spend Christmas with her; she declined and was slammed for being selfish.
The woman then added some extra commentary, saying that her family who are also going to attend the celebration revealed that they would not feel comfortable, hence why she said that it was going to be “awkward.”
Some might wonder why a grown woman can’t practice a little compassion. It’s only a child whose father is doing his best to keep things together while her other parent is fighting a cruel disease, but it would be smart to assume that perhaps the woman may have been affected by her prior relationship and doesn’t want to deal with it in any way. Who knows, though, what’s really going on here.
What do you think about this situation?
Fellow community members shared their thoughts on this matter
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I'm confused. I don't understand how someone could turn away a 5 year old child for the holidays. It seems like such a small request, to allow the little girl to spend time with her sister while her mom is battling cancer, ffs.
Plus a 5-year-old kid (on CHRISTMAS, no less) isn't going to act like awkward, drunk Uncle Bill sobbing over his divorce, or Aunt Sally being a b***h to everyone, or Granny airing out everyone's dirty secrets to each other. The kid is 5. She is going to be too entranced by the magic of Christmas to probably even cry over her mom not being there/being sick. This is all about OP's "comfort" and the fact that SHE refuses to bestir her comfort even an inch to swallow her pride and include the little girl, regardless of whose child she is.
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Feeling sorry for OP´s daughter for having to cope with her mother´s resentment against her beloved sister...
Feeling sorry for OP's ex's daughter for him not doing everything under the sun to allow her to spend every possible second with her mother before she's gone. Giving OP an NTA because the ex should be stepping up, not that she necessarily deserves it...
Im confused why the child can't spend it with her father or her MOTHER. Yes i get it she has cancer but i have heard from a lot of moms with cancer that fought to be with thier child on holidays, bd's and etc because it might be thier last. Why throw shame at the op?
I'm even more confused how the dad wants the child away from his mom on christmas. Her mom is battling a cancer and there's a chance that this might be their last christmas together. No matter how simple it is, christmas is a time to spent with your love one, even it's just a with a store cookies and repackaged present. Why did he wants to take the kid away from the mom? And spent christmas from strangers except the half sister?
Cuz while his wife is getting chemo and busy dying he can have unfettered booty calls with his new gf. his 5 year old would get in the way. SO HE calls his ex wife to ne his nanny. NOPE, NO. no way, no. No. No, and. NO.
Why, I'm more confused why the little girls not planning to spend time with Mom who has cancer and might not be there for next Christmas.... Like wtf. It would be more sensible for the dad to ask if the 13-year-old could spend Christmas as well with them as she might also like her stepmom... And as a nurse that works in the hospital I'll tell you they don't do chemo on the holidays. And even if Mom's stuck in the hospital and daughters not allowed to visit because she's a minor, it would still be more meaningful if Dad set up a Christmas for her and spend it with his daughter... Just because someone's a woman doesn't mean they would be a better substitute than someone's own dad.
Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of watching someone die from cancer? I can tell you from firsthand experience its horrible. They can longer care for themselves, have severe pain and need 24/7 care. They get to the point where they can no longer talk and are nothing but skin and bones. Its all you can do to try and keep them comfortable with pain meds but eventually even those don't do enough. Not exactly the best way to spend Christmas nor should it be one of the last memories a 5 year old has with their mother.
Well ot certainly should not be staying at a home of strangers who don't know or want her there. DAD needs to have a plan B cuz he may have years of it. MY mother and father BOTH died of small cell lung cancer, 2 years apart. While my mother was dying, my dad was running the streets. He would not even take her to chemo. He wanted the sympathy of having a dying spouse but none of the responsibility and when it came to doing things..he wanted nothing to get in the way of him catting around. Not even his wife of almost 50 years dying. This father is manipulative. The first time she said "no" should have been the last time he asked and miss us with rhe guilt trip, rationale, tears, and s**t. NO. Now drop the girl somewhere else, your ex is not your surrogate family.
How do we know how hurt she was when he asked for a divorce? What kind of financial situation he left her in? I know a woman whose husband did something very similar to this except he already had the girlfriend pregnant. He even tried to trick D out of the house her father had left her (not completely paid for). He was such a jerk that even the judge was furious with him. Do you think D would have welcomed HIS child into her home? What a joke! As for that, after the divorce the jerk refused to ever see his kids again or, when they were born, his grandkids! Please do consider how badly the OP may have been hurt and how negatively it may have affected her financially. Most women end up in poverty after a divorce. Those that don't usually owe a lot of money to creditors due to loans taken out to pay off the ex. No one is thinking at all of how the OP & her daughter may have been affected by the divorce. All many are considering are the feelings of the 'poor, little girl.'
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She let their kids play together. In fact, they 'adore eachother', if she was that hurt by the ex leaving, then that probably wouldn't have been the case, and it's weird to pull that card over christmas.
Actually. It is weird fir him to expect his ex to play family with his kid no matter the circumstances if she never did before. I would tell him to go look up the meaning of divorce and enact his plan B cuz NO to the heartstrings tugs. HE can give her Christmas..he better start now cuz if his wife dies he will have to enact plan B anyway.
So glad to not be the only one who doesn´t get that - the "you do you" -attitude is strong on reddit it seems. Also: I hate people trying to make it sound as the father was selfish - if even OP suggests the kid be send to the grandparents, the mother is presumably in the hospital and just spending nice family Christmas just isn´t an option! I wonder what else her daughter has to cope with in terms of hatred against her father and her beloved sister...
Hatred? Seems more like indifference. In 1993 I had a boss whose wife had breast cancer. He sent his kids to his secretary's for Christmas...while he kept vigil in the hospital, in between running between 4 women he was sleeping with. SHE DIED SOON AFTER AND he married one of his side pieces..the secretary who did not know his kids eventually was fired. THIS IS THE Real world, calling all you " away it is just a kid" bleeding hearts. He can give his daughter Christmas and he better learn cuz if his wife dies he will have years of Christmases he should have to provide for. NEXT YEAR: " can you guys give her Christmas...she is used to you kow" please.🙄
Yeah, it seems like most of the NTAs are people assuming he's unwilling to take responsibility for coordinating a Christmas for his daughter. And maybe that's the case; it certainly could be. It could be either a deadbeat way or a stressed-because-my-wife-has-cancer way. But there are other explanations too. The options may be Christmas in a hospital or Christmas in a family setting. He and his new wife may feel it would be too dark to spend it at the hospital. The grandparents might suck or be unable to travel or care for a 5 year old.
That does not mean he has the right to impinge on his ex wife. THEY ARE DIVORCED AND obviously gone their separate ways..he should start remembering and acting like it. I wish an ex husband WOULD ask me or my daughters to take in his kids for the holidays . They would not dare.
Because it's not her family he could have dealt with this a million ways. What all does he expect her entire family to buy gifts and cater to a child they don't know? We don't know I'd he was unfaithful and this really hurt her and frankly it's just not her job. If her.mom is sick rhey should be making every moment count. Not pushing her off on someone else.
I'm confused as to why this would be remotely okay with the dad or the mom with cancer. Do they know this woman her husband, or their relatives? What would make them think it is okay to send their FIVE YEAR OLD to a strangers house for a family gathering??? Do they know if creepy uncle Ted is there looking for his next child victim? What if something happens to their five year old? The liability alone is midboggling. I absolutely would not allow it. It is a set up for disaster. Anyone who would push past their reservations of imposing has questionable motives.
You forgot the little fact that the baby knows no one BUT her half~sister. She will be cringing in a corner, crying, while trying her best to be invisible. If 'daddy' is going to do that, at least leave her with people they BOTH know and trust!!
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You realize the kid is 5 and does know OP too, right? And with her 13 year old sister and presumably other kids around, kid would be fine, as long as the adults would make an effort to include her...
It doesnt sound like the kid knows OP, just that OP knows of the kid from her daughter who would spend time with her at thier father's. My sister has a stepdaughter the same age as OP's daughter, she knows that she has a half-sister at her mom's and presumably her mom knows about my sister's child, but neither half-sibling has ever met or been seen by the other mother. They would have no clue who this other woman is in thier big half-sister's life and even less so the extended family. And 5 years olds are MORE sensitive to this than much older or younger kids. I work with kids and the 5 year olds take the longest to warm up to new staff and new people in general. It would be a very uncomfortable and scary situation for the half-sister to be with all strangers on Christmas.
According to another comment, in the full og story the father cheated on op wit his new wife, and the reason the grandparents are nc is his infidelity... He can arrange his own damn Christmas rather than shoving off his 5 yo to a woman that he cheated on who barely knows the kid, with the ex's family being extremely religious. He's extremely cruel to send his small child to a bunch of adults who don't know her and have no relationship with her outside of her existing bc one of them got cheated on, rather than planning his own smaller Christmas.
..and if you found out you were babysitting while he was out cheating on his sick wife? The marriage is over. This is meant to heartstrings tug but he has NO RIGHT to ask his ex to surrogate his child by another woman. HE made his bed..find his wife's family to take her in. He has a lot of nerve..next he will be fobbing the kid off while he tries to date wifey#3. Are they divorced or not? Yes cut.. find other resources.
I disagree. She should be with her mom and dad on Christmas. Especially if her mother is ill. This is a reason the woman divorced him to begin with. He's irresponsible. He should be thinking about his own daughter instead of making it another person's responsibility to cater to her feelings. Doesn't matter if she's 5 or 15. It's enough pain to go through divorce and co parenting, but now she has to look at the child of the woman he chose to be with. He made a promise and broke it with his first wife and now we are patting him on the back for asking his ex wife who has moved on to babysit. It will not hurt the 5 year old girl to stay with her mom on Christmas. I believe he has other plans. He sounds like a narcissist who gets made because he can't have his way. He chose his wife and they had a child. She's their responsibility not the ex wife. No one would guilt trip me into thinking otherwise.
We don't know the circumstances of the divorce nor what bitter battle custody could have been so I won't judge her.
That is not her child her husband send his child with her own family not his ex wife's family how dumb is that
It's because the child is being punished for being the ex's daughter. It's not about the kid, it's about the ex-husband. How can anyone feel uncomfortable with having an extra 5 year old present? It's because the dad is her ex, that's why, and therefore they're using this girl as a scapegoat to say no. If you put your so-called family tradition over a five year old girl that just happens to be the daughter of your ex, just because of the ex, then you're a cold a*****e. And if you manage to feel uncomfortable because of that, then you need to get your priorities straight, because this child is in no way to be blamed for being the kid of the ex. OP should grow up.
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Yes, I'm thinking I understand why they got a divorce. It's because her feelings are a bit broken. Very selfish-sounding person.
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It's easy. Kids are a worthless burden that do nothing but sick joy out of life.
Am I reading this right? A man asks if his ex-wife can include his 5 year old daughter in her families Christmas celebrations because her mother is undergoing treatment for cancer so Christmas for them is not going to be the best. The ex-wife acknowledges his child and hers get along and "adore" each other but she refuses because of "family tradition". Is that right because if so the ex-wife is f***king appalling. What kind of person refuses something like this for a 5 year old? Clearly the father is going through hell and is trying to give his daughter some semblance of a normal Christmas and has reached out to ask for help. Sorry but this person is 100% the arsehole here and I can't even believe some people think she isn't. Whatever she might feel about her ex there is something to be said about basic human decency here.,
I'm more concerned about what kind of father would not want to spend Christmas with his own daughter. Edit: maybe I'm not seeing this from all sides because I lost my dad as a kid and the thought of the 5 year old not spending what might be the last Christmas with both her mum and dad is crazy to me. I'd love to spend one Christmas with both my parents.
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One whose wife is dying perhaps? He's putting the child's happiness before his own, which is pretty admirable in my book.
Bull as a child whose mother died when she was small I would have sent every holiday with my sick mom rather than strangers.
It sounds as though his intent was to go with the 5yo to the Christmas celebration because he later offered to stay away if it made OP feel more comfortable.
Ding ding ding really wish people would learn to read. He planned on leaving his sick wife alone. Maybe on her last Christmas at that!
That assumption doesn´t make sense to me: Like if she isn´t even comfortable enough to have his kid in her house, what is the chance of her accepting her ex around all her family? And given that she certainly not wanting to be the AH here, why should she not have pointed out that this was his original wish? Only way it makes sense to me, is him to even offering to have the kid brought by someone else, so that she and the family be not confronted with him at all...
This d ad should make it memorable for his daughter and wife.... And for the three of them to be together if maybe last Xmas.. take lots of pics for that child to have...
If she's in chemo she probably can't be around family so she doesn't get sick while her immune system is compromised.
There is Christmas eve and Christmas Day why cant she invite the child to her home so she can get a day free from the worry and everything else associated with cancer treatment. Just have a wee heart.
Nah! You right, because what else is he gonna be doing! If she's in the hospital they should visit together and spend Xmas with the wife and if she's resting at home he should be looking after the wife and plan stuff for the daughter too. That's what marriage and parenthood are, it would be one thing if the ex wife offered to look after the girl, but to expect it and then get all soggy when you can't have your way. Miss me! Y'all let dudes off way too easy, if he really thought it was important his daughter has a good Xmas he's perfectly capable of making that happen, if he really valued it.
No you're seeing it from all sides it's weird that people think a 5-year-old would want to spend Christmas with strangers instead of her dad just because there might be more lights, presence and fancy food...
See, that bothers me too. Why can't HE try to make a nice Christmas even though it might not be elaborate.
Maybe the wife is in hospital and he understandably wants to be with her but DOESN'T want his daughter in a hospital for Christmas Day. Maybe he just wants her to be somewhere nice, and happy for Christmas lunch and will take her to visit her Mum later but just wants her to have a nice Christmas celebration with her big sister. As an ex wife I would have done that for my kid's half siblings in a heartbeat. In fact they DID spend many Christmases with my family.
This may be difficult for some to understand, but cancer treatments can leave people no immune system and unable to spend time with family. Additionally his wife may have not wanted her daughter to see her so weak.
As a daughter to won't her mom and an adult who had lost her dad her sister and a brother, that's a cop out.
Dad wants to spend Christmas with both daughters but thinks his baby would get more joy from a little time away from the stress of her mother feeling like c**p and thought his baby would be happier with her big sister that she is super close to and probably would be happy to have a festive Christmas rather then a very muted Christmas at home with a mom who probably can't even stand the smell of the food and will probably have to go puke a few times while the kid opens her gifts all alone without her sister. Have a f*****g heart. The kid didn't choose to be in this situation or be from the ex husbands second family. She just sounds bitter.
I see it like this: he wants to be able to focus 100% on his wife to support her and help ensure she makes it through treatment. He also knows that his ex is good with kids - at least good enough that his 5 y/o is safe with her. Presumably wife also knows this, so she too can fully rest, keep her spirits up, and hopefully make it through the cancer. I'm of the mind that the 5 year old has enough stress since mommy might die, she needs a good happy Christmas to unwind. Oh, its awkward? Just explain to the family WHY she's there - to forget about her stress for a day.
No need to downvote. Amy is asking a legitimate question she has. (Downvoting equal BP ban and is meant to police inappropriate or abusive comments only) Given the child is 5, therefore doesn’t fully comprehend death and it finality means she probably sees suffering and has little understanding of potential loss. She’s most likely involved with her home life including her mother 364 days of the year. There’s no suggestion her mom isn’t part of her daily life. Her sister lives with OPs family; is their daughter. The sisters love each others company. The father wants Christmas to be a day that isn’t overshadowed by cancer. One day. An escape from that and a happy festive environment with her own sister. We don’t know the circumstances, but o can see giving the little girl a holiday experience away from the disease isn’t necessarily an escape from her mommy and their relationship.
A 5-year-old is still want to be with the mother even if it's scary at the time they will be an important memory when she's older. Spending Christmas with a bunch of strangers in one person he knows kind of weird and would be more scary for a 5-year-old if anything. If Dad wants a shiny celebration he can find a local event, most areas have them free of charge. Heck you can go for a drive and view all the Christmas lights it's not hard to make a plan.
Do you think ex wife is inviting him in too? He wants his child to have at least one day of the 2 days of Christmas to be free from worrying about cancer. Come on now.
It's weird how the OP and some of the replies are using phrases that implies the girls are close friends at best. They are biological sisters. I guess I was fortunate, my father and his ex would put up a with each other so I could know my sister 😳
According to another comment, in the full og story the father cheated on op wit his new wife, and the reason the grandparents are nc is his infidelity... He can arrange his own damn Christmas rather than shoving off his 5 yo to a woman that he cheated on who barely knows the kid, and wife's religious family who will be extremely akward around a direct reminder of infidelity who they are not even related to. Dad has to suck it up and plan his own smaller Christmas rather than sending his 5 yo to that situation....
It's not her child. its her ex husbands child and she is not obligated to her. Stop being disgusted and be realistic. Stop trying to force something on someone when they say no. No is a complete sentence. The ex husband said no to his ex wife and their relationship and yes to the new woman, so he needs to take care of his family
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DOWNVOTING IS VIOLENCE! A downvote is a vote to cancel someone! Amy S has a reasonable question. I'd err on the side of presuming he has a good reason, but she hardly stated that he could not.
I am a 100% YTA here. Wow. The coldness, the bitterness. The clear will to punish the ex at the expense of a vulnerable child. She should embrace the Christmas Christian spirit better. Jesus Christ... some people are just not fully equipped humans
He's her father. Why can't HE give her Christmas. What if his ex-wife were dead, what would he do, delete Christmas because he didn't have a woman to dump the duties on?
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Obviously the father can't give the child a Christmas because he is going to be in the hospital with his wife. Leah, don't demonize the father.
It doesn't say he'll be in hospital with his wife. He also didn't ask for a specific time frame he needs some childcare coverage. He instead says he can't provide a "Christmas celebration" and wants to borrow hers. I read that as they can't afford or do not have the energy to do all of the "extras", like presents, a holiday meal, cookie making, a party, etc. He is not asking for emergency babysitting. He is asking for his ex to do the Christmas Magic heavy lift.
He offered to stay with his kid at his ex wife's house, so clearly he's NOT going to be at the hospital with his wife. If it was a mom with a sick husband she'd be expected to do both...take care of her own childs needs/Xmas AND take care of her sick husband's needs. Most people would think it's weird for a woman to expect a man to make sure her own child has a good Xmas, but totally normal for a dad to do it, bc the bar for dads is ridiculously low. He's a full grown adult totally capable of doing both!
He's no longer married to this woman so he's nothing to her. His replacement child is nothing to her either. If I divorced I would have to insist on a vasectomy if he wanted to keep any money. I don't need his money, but would be happy to take half or more to protect my children from having to have a half sibling. Neither I nor my children would want such a person in our house. Maybe a 2 year old that can't speak about their parents non stop I could see hosting but honestly I wouldn't want to be responsible. It says a terrible thing about their parents. I wouldn't leave my vulnerable children with someone I hated or who hated me. That's dangerous. Would you leave your kids with your mortal enemy? If you did I'd think you'd need a visit from CPS. That's something meth heads do, leaving their kids with just anyone, especially someone who hates the parent. Nope, I wouldn't be involved on either side of that transaction. This man doesn't even have a good friend to leave his kid with.
He would have full custody of his first child. And everything would spiral into a completely different situation.
"dump the duties on." That one part of your response says all we'd need to know.
Well... She said the Christmas celebration is a sacred thing in her family. Celebrating the birth of Christ sounds pretty Christian to me.
Yeah. Like I'm a satanist. By definition i tend to be pretty critical of Christianity and it's goals of being seen as standard or default for the whole country. But using the term "Christmas " (not yule or anything else) and "sacred" (not like family tradition or something) definitely indicates a strong Christan lean in the op. And even at my most critical, i couldn't really argue that the christian religious Christmas ideals and practices are supposed to be good. about giving, selflessness, being open and kind to those with nowhere to go or few resources etc. And opening your home (even to strangers and sinners, let alone extended family) is something the bible repeatedly tells christians to do. It's completely absurd to think there's some kind of sacred Christmas anything that would demand blood family only. It's not about religious beliefs, it's about her personal discomfort and prejudice against kids that don't share her DNA. It's gross from any angle you look at it
Agreed. My ex and I have known each other since 3rd grade. She and my wife never really got along much. But guess who was there to help and morally support both of us when my wife and I suffered a 3rd trimester stillbirth? My ex. Because she understands basic human civility. A loss is hard. No need to make it harder.
I thought nativity stuff was overdone and often obnoxious. But idk. I guess there's still some who have no concept of Joseph welcoming a baby that is not his (just a half sibling to the kids he did have later. Though they're rarely talked about non main characters) and the celebration of giving the comfort and support you can to those in need (such as a medical emergy or pregnancy, life transition etc). The thing there is to be critical of Christmas about is how it commercializes even the concept of charity and kindness. They put out their red donation boxes or let people be part of a program that is big and looks good. That you can loudly mention to your friends how you're working with this charity or that soup kitchen just so much in the ultimate form of virtue signaling. And it completely erases peoples ability to actually think and put effort into sharing kindness and giving what they can and what's needed to those people in their lives. Family, friends, service workers, etc
How interesting! I've never heard anybody else acknowledge that Joseph and Mary had more children. OP's situation is one of many many reasons that I, as a Christian, do not celebrate Xmas. Jesus did not. The apostles did not. None of the disciples did for that matter. But even aside from the celebration OP can, and should act better than that!
I was going to reply to this thread with the sam point! Full disclosure, I'm not Christian. I was raised in a very religious baptist home however. None of this would fly in the church I went to as a kid. The other people would have "named and shamed" and then held a special party for the little girl and her mother. That's what really kind people to. Of course this was 30 something years ago before white evangelical Ayn Rand nationalist Christianity was a thing.
Yep, naming and shaming women, that's what kind Christians do!/s He's NC with his parents. OP'd be NC with him except they share a child, but his boundaries are more important than hers even tho those are the child's actual blood relations. He needs to step up and make the possible last Christmas with mother and daughter happen, not try to foist her off on either group where her welcome isn't certain, especially as it isn't said what he's expecting here. Is this a couple hours? An overnight trip? A weekend celebration? Are they expected to provide gifts? Transportation?
Bex, the 5 year old's mother is in the hospital and can't celebrate Christmas. It seems heartless of the OP for refusing to have the 5 year old over just because its her ex's child. It's still her daughter's sister.
I'm also a Satanist and I have had mostly negative experiences with Christian Conservatives that were unprovoked by me. My heart goes out to that 5 year old little girl. Her mommy is in the hospital with cancer, her daddy is stressed out and sad all the time and her half-sister's mother wants nothing to do with her. She probably feels very alone right now. The holidays are a whole other story. I can't really put the blame on anyone other than the deity who gave the child's mother cancer. I just hope someone steps up and shows that child kindness and compassion.
Speak for your side of the Atlantic. In my country, we call that celebration Christmas and it doesn't have anything to do with the Christ 🙄 It's the time of the year when we celebrate with family. Nothing to do with charity... If you need a excuse to be charitable then you're not as good of a person as ypu think
Here's another reason why I don't celebrate Christmas. It really is not a Christian holiday! But enjoy yourselves!
Exactly. We are all able make decisions. She is deciding to be needlessly cruel to a 5 year old for no good reason other than "it's tradition" or such malarkey. Would she turn another family member away if they brought a different 5 year old girl over for Christmas that was taken away from, let's say parents that were sent to rehab? Died in a car crash? Those are all things out of a child's control, and could put them in a similar situation. How would OP respond then?
Shut the f**k up. I'm an atheist and celebrate Christmas. It's a holiday that was stolen from previous pagan religions just like easter, because gods don't actually exist. Now they are hallmark holidays. People celebrate because its a day off from work, not because of "Christian" feelings you fool.
Being that Christmas is literally celebrating the birth of Christ? So even if she isn't Christian, she's likely of a religion based around the worship of christ. Furthermore, any religion that wouldn't support helping a child in need especially around its most sacred holiday? Thats not a religion anyone should want any part of.
Christmas is a Christian holiday. It's right there in the words root. Christ. Mas. I understand it's been secularize for profit, but that's no good reason to deviate from the fact that it is to celebrate Christ's birth, who inspired countless people to not be total jerks to each other anymore. I'd argue that if OP asked "what would Jesus do?", the answer would obviously be to take the little girl in and show her a good Christmas, and how good people behave. But no. OP would rather be cruel and miserable. I get she has am axe to grind with her ex, but it shouldn't be at the house expense of an innocent 5 year old girl whose mother is sick and battling cancer.
It's an updated, modern Saturnalia. It doesn't make it a Christian celebration no matter whose name is in it
To be fair, more than quite a few "Christians" tend to be cruel and miserable. Not saying all are, just that the number of jerks that claim to be tend to outweigh the good. But what would I know, I was raised on believing that good people come from all walks of life, no matter the religion, questioning, or even lack thereof. I think it would have been fair to try to let this little girl have a relatively normal Christmas, anyway. She's five, all she's really going to care about are the gifts, anyway. Or the shiny wrapping paper. 😆
Perhaps she should consider practicing Christianity? Hopefully, she would learn something about "COMPASSION". Obviously, she's lacking in that area. What would CHRIST do? Hmmmm¿ ♡ I will pray for her AND the others. God Bless!
It's not the ex wife responsibility. Many of you are bullies. No is a complete sentence
He is cold why doesn't he want to be with his 5 year old who's mother is battling cancer he's the a*****e
I'm confused. I don't understand how someone could turn away a 5 year old child for the holidays. It seems like such a small request, to allow the little girl to spend time with her sister while her mom is battling cancer, ffs.
Plus a 5-year-old kid (on CHRISTMAS, no less) isn't going to act like awkward, drunk Uncle Bill sobbing over his divorce, or Aunt Sally being a b***h to everyone, or Granny airing out everyone's dirty secrets to each other. The kid is 5. She is going to be too entranced by the magic of Christmas to probably even cry over her mom not being there/being sick. This is all about OP's "comfort" and the fact that SHE refuses to bestir her comfort even an inch to swallow her pride and include the little girl, regardless of whose child she is.
Load More Replies... Feeling sorry for OP´s daughter for having to cope with her mother´s resentment against her beloved sister...
Feeling sorry for OP's ex's daughter for him not doing everything under the sun to allow her to spend every possible second with her mother before she's gone. Giving OP an NTA because the ex should be stepping up, not that she necessarily deserves it...
Im confused why the child can't spend it with her father or her MOTHER. Yes i get it she has cancer but i have heard from a lot of moms with cancer that fought to be with thier child on holidays, bd's and etc because it might be thier last. Why throw shame at the op?
I'm even more confused how the dad wants the child away from his mom on christmas. Her mom is battling a cancer and there's a chance that this might be their last christmas together. No matter how simple it is, christmas is a time to spent with your love one, even it's just a with a store cookies and repackaged present. Why did he wants to take the kid away from the mom? And spent christmas from strangers except the half sister?
Cuz while his wife is getting chemo and busy dying he can have unfettered booty calls with his new gf. his 5 year old would get in the way. SO HE calls his ex wife to ne his nanny. NOPE, NO. no way, no. No. No, and. NO.
Why, I'm more confused why the little girls not planning to spend time with Mom who has cancer and might not be there for next Christmas.... Like wtf. It would be more sensible for the dad to ask if the 13-year-old could spend Christmas as well with them as she might also like her stepmom... And as a nurse that works in the hospital I'll tell you they don't do chemo on the holidays. And even if Mom's stuck in the hospital and daughters not allowed to visit because she's a minor, it would still be more meaningful if Dad set up a Christmas for her and spend it with his daughter... Just because someone's a woman doesn't mean they would be a better substitute than someone's own dad.
Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of watching someone die from cancer? I can tell you from firsthand experience its horrible. They can longer care for themselves, have severe pain and need 24/7 care. They get to the point where they can no longer talk and are nothing but skin and bones. Its all you can do to try and keep them comfortable with pain meds but eventually even those don't do enough. Not exactly the best way to spend Christmas nor should it be one of the last memories a 5 year old has with their mother.
Well ot certainly should not be staying at a home of strangers who don't know or want her there. DAD needs to have a plan B cuz he may have years of it. MY mother and father BOTH died of small cell lung cancer, 2 years apart. While my mother was dying, my dad was running the streets. He would not even take her to chemo. He wanted the sympathy of having a dying spouse but none of the responsibility and when it came to doing things..he wanted nothing to get in the way of him catting around. Not even his wife of almost 50 years dying. This father is manipulative. The first time she said "no" should have been the last time he asked and miss us with rhe guilt trip, rationale, tears, and s**t. NO. Now drop the girl somewhere else, your ex is not your surrogate family.
How do we know how hurt she was when he asked for a divorce? What kind of financial situation he left her in? I know a woman whose husband did something very similar to this except he already had the girlfriend pregnant. He even tried to trick D out of the house her father had left her (not completely paid for). He was such a jerk that even the judge was furious with him. Do you think D would have welcomed HIS child into her home? What a joke! As for that, after the divorce the jerk refused to ever see his kids again or, when they were born, his grandkids! Please do consider how badly the OP may have been hurt and how negatively it may have affected her financially. Most women end up in poverty after a divorce. Those that don't usually owe a lot of money to creditors due to loans taken out to pay off the ex. No one is thinking at all of how the OP & her daughter may have been affected by the divorce. All many are considering are the feelings of the 'poor, little girl.'
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She let their kids play together. In fact, they 'adore eachother', if she was that hurt by the ex leaving, then that probably wouldn't have been the case, and it's weird to pull that card over christmas.
Actually. It is weird fir him to expect his ex to play family with his kid no matter the circumstances if she never did before. I would tell him to go look up the meaning of divorce and enact his plan B cuz NO to the heartstrings tugs. HE can give her Christmas..he better start now cuz if his wife dies he will have to enact plan B anyway.
So glad to not be the only one who doesn´t get that - the "you do you" -attitude is strong on reddit it seems. Also: I hate people trying to make it sound as the father was selfish - if even OP suggests the kid be send to the grandparents, the mother is presumably in the hospital and just spending nice family Christmas just isn´t an option! I wonder what else her daughter has to cope with in terms of hatred against her father and her beloved sister...
Hatred? Seems more like indifference. In 1993 I had a boss whose wife had breast cancer. He sent his kids to his secretary's for Christmas...while he kept vigil in the hospital, in between running between 4 women he was sleeping with. SHE DIED SOON AFTER AND he married one of his side pieces..the secretary who did not know his kids eventually was fired. THIS IS THE Real world, calling all you " away it is just a kid" bleeding hearts. He can give his daughter Christmas and he better learn cuz if his wife dies he will have years of Christmases he should have to provide for. NEXT YEAR: " can you guys give her Christmas...she is used to you kow" please.🙄
Yeah, it seems like most of the NTAs are people assuming he's unwilling to take responsibility for coordinating a Christmas for his daughter. And maybe that's the case; it certainly could be. It could be either a deadbeat way or a stressed-because-my-wife-has-cancer way. But there are other explanations too. The options may be Christmas in a hospital or Christmas in a family setting. He and his new wife may feel it would be too dark to spend it at the hospital. The grandparents might suck or be unable to travel or care for a 5 year old.
That does not mean he has the right to impinge on his ex wife. THEY ARE DIVORCED AND obviously gone their separate ways..he should start remembering and acting like it. I wish an ex husband WOULD ask me or my daughters to take in his kids for the holidays . They would not dare.
Because it's not her family he could have dealt with this a million ways. What all does he expect her entire family to buy gifts and cater to a child they don't know? We don't know I'd he was unfaithful and this really hurt her and frankly it's just not her job. If her.mom is sick rhey should be making every moment count. Not pushing her off on someone else.
I'm confused as to why this would be remotely okay with the dad or the mom with cancer. Do they know this woman her husband, or their relatives? What would make them think it is okay to send their FIVE YEAR OLD to a strangers house for a family gathering??? Do they know if creepy uncle Ted is there looking for his next child victim? What if something happens to their five year old? The liability alone is midboggling. I absolutely would not allow it. It is a set up for disaster. Anyone who would push past their reservations of imposing has questionable motives.
You forgot the little fact that the baby knows no one BUT her half~sister. She will be cringing in a corner, crying, while trying her best to be invisible. If 'daddy' is going to do that, at least leave her with people they BOTH know and trust!!
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You realize the kid is 5 and does know OP too, right? And with her 13 year old sister and presumably other kids around, kid would be fine, as long as the adults would make an effort to include her...
It doesnt sound like the kid knows OP, just that OP knows of the kid from her daughter who would spend time with her at thier father's. My sister has a stepdaughter the same age as OP's daughter, she knows that she has a half-sister at her mom's and presumably her mom knows about my sister's child, but neither half-sibling has ever met or been seen by the other mother. They would have no clue who this other woman is in thier big half-sister's life and even less so the extended family. And 5 years olds are MORE sensitive to this than much older or younger kids. I work with kids and the 5 year olds take the longest to warm up to new staff and new people in general. It would be a very uncomfortable and scary situation for the half-sister to be with all strangers on Christmas.
According to another comment, in the full og story the father cheated on op wit his new wife, and the reason the grandparents are nc is his infidelity... He can arrange his own damn Christmas rather than shoving off his 5 yo to a woman that he cheated on who barely knows the kid, with the ex's family being extremely religious. He's extremely cruel to send his small child to a bunch of adults who don't know her and have no relationship with her outside of her existing bc one of them got cheated on, rather than planning his own smaller Christmas.
..and if you found out you were babysitting while he was out cheating on his sick wife? The marriage is over. This is meant to heartstrings tug but he has NO RIGHT to ask his ex to surrogate his child by another woman. HE made his bed..find his wife's family to take her in. He has a lot of nerve..next he will be fobbing the kid off while he tries to date wifey#3. Are they divorced or not? Yes cut.. find other resources.
I disagree. She should be with her mom and dad on Christmas. Especially if her mother is ill. This is a reason the woman divorced him to begin with. He's irresponsible. He should be thinking about his own daughter instead of making it another person's responsibility to cater to her feelings. Doesn't matter if she's 5 or 15. It's enough pain to go through divorce and co parenting, but now she has to look at the child of the woman he chose to be with. He made a promise and broke it with his first wife and now we are patting him on the back for asking his ex wife who has moved on to babysit. It will not hurt the 5 year old girl to stay with her mom on Christmas. I believe he has other plans. He sounds like a narcissist who gets made because he can't have his way. He chose his wife and they had a child. She's their responsibility not the ex wife. No one would guilt trip me into thinking otherwise.
We don't know the circumstances of the divorce nor what bitter battle custody could have been so I won't judge her.
That is not her child her husband send his child with her own family not his ex wife's family how dumb is that
It's because the child is being punished for being the ex's daughter. It's not about the kid, it's about the ex-husband. How can anyone feel uncomfortable with having an extra 5 year old present? It's because the dad is her ex, that's why, and therefore they're using this girl as a scapegoat to say no. If you put your so-called family tradition over a five year old girl that just happens to be the daughter of your ex, just because of the ex, then you're a cold a*****e. And if you manage to feel uncomfortable because of that, then you need to get your priorities straight, because this child is in no way to be blamed for being the kid of the ex. OP should grow up.
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Yes, I'm thinking I understand why they got a divorce. It's because her feelings are a bit broken. Very selfish-sounding person.
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It's easy. Kids are a worthless burden that do nothing but sick joy out of life.
Am I reading this right? A man asks if his ex-wife can include his 5 year old daughter in her families Christmas celebrations because her mother is undergoing treatment for cancer so Christmas for them is not going to be the best. The ex-wife acknowledges his child and hers get along and "adore" each other but she refuses because of "family tradition". Is that right because if so the ex-wife is f***king appalling. What kind of person refuses something like this for a 5 year old? Clearly the father is going through hell and is trying to give his daughter some semblance of a normal Christmas and has reached out to ask for help. Sorry but this person is 100% the arsehole here and I can't even believe some people think she isn't. Whatever she might feel about her ex there is something to be said about basic human decency here.,
I'm more concerned about what kind of father would not want to spend Christmas with his own daughter. Edit: maybe I'm not seeing this from all sides because I lost my dad as a kid and the thought of the 5 year old not spending what might be the last Christmas with both her mum and dad is crazy to me. I'd love to spend one Christmas with both my parents.
Load More Replies... One whose wife is dying perhaps? He's putting the child's happiness before his own, which is pretty admirable in my book.
Bull as a child whose mother died when she was small I would have sent every holiday with my sick mom rather than strangers.
It sounds as though his intent was to go with the 5yo to the Christmas celebration because he later offered to stay away if it made OP feel more comfortable.
Ding ding ding really wish people would learn to read. He planned on leaving his sick wife alone. Maybe on her last Christmas at that!
That assumption doesn´t make sense to me: Like if she isn´t even comfortable enough to have his kid in her house, what is the chance of her accepting her ex around all her family? And given that she certainly not wanting to be the AH here, why should she not have pointed out that this was his original wish? Only way it makes sense to me, is him to even offering to have the kid brought by someone else, so that she and the family be not confronted with him at all...
This d ad should make it memorable for his daughter and wife.... And for the three of them to be together if maybe last Xmas.. take lots of pics for that child to have...
If she's in chemo she probably can't be around family so she doesn't get sick while her immune system is compromised.
There is Christmas eve and Christmas Day why cant she invite the child to her home so she can get a day free from the worry and everything else associated with cancer treatment. Just have a wee heart.
Nah! You right, because what else is he gonna be doing! If she's in the hospital they should visit together and spend Xmas with the wife and if she's resting at home he should be looking after the wife and plan stuff for the daughter too. That's what marriage and parenthood are, it would be one thing if the ex wife offered to look after the girl, but to expect it and then get all soggy when you can't have your way. Miss me! Y'all let dudes off way too easy, if he really thought it was important his daughter has a good Xmas he's perfectly capable of making that happen, if he really valued it.
No you're seeing it from all sides it's weird that people think a 5-year-old would want to spend Christmas with strangers instead of her dad just because there might be more lights, presence and fancy food...
See, that bothers me too. Why can't HE try to make a nice Christmas even though it might not be elaborate.
Maybe the wife is in hospital and he understandably wants to be with her but DOESN'T want his daughter in a hospital for Christmas Day. Maybe he just wants her to be somewhere nice, and happy for Christmas lunch and will take her to visit her Mum later but just wants her to have a nice Christmas celebration with her big sister. As an ex wife I would have done that for my kid's half siblings in a heartbeat. In fact they DID spend many Christmases with my family.
This may be difficult for some to understand, but cancer treatments can leave people no immune system and unable to spend time with family. Additionally his wife may have not wanted her daughter to see her so weak.
As a daughter to won't her mom and an adult who had lost her dad her sister and a brother, that's a cop out.
Dad wants to spend Christmas with both daughters but thinks his baby would get more joy from a little time away from the stress of her mother feeling like c**p and thought his baby would be happier with her big sister that she is super close to and probably would be happy to have a festive Christmas rather then a very muted Christmas at home with a mom who probably can't even stand the smell of the food and will probably have to go puke a few times while the kid opens her gifts all alone without her sister. Have a f*****g heart. The kid didn't choose to be in this situation or be from the ex husbands second family. She just sounds bitter.
I see it like this: he wants to be able to focus 100% on his wife to support her and help ensure she makes it through treatment. He also knows that his ex is good with kids - at least good enough that his 5 y/o is safe with her. Presumably wife also knows this, so she too can fully rest, keep her spirits up, and hopefully make it through the cancer. I'm of the mind that the 5 year old has enough stress since mommy might die, she needs a good happy Christmas to unwind. Oh, its awkward? Just explain to the family WHY she's there - to forget about her stress for a day.
No need to downvote. Amy is asking a legitimate question she has. (Downvoting equal BP ban and is meant to police inappropriate or abusive comments only) Given the child is 5, therefore doesn’t fully comprehend death and it finality means she probably sees suffering and has little understanding of potential loss. She’s most likely involved with her home life including her mother 364 days of the year. There’s no suggestion her mom isn’t part of her daily life. Her sister lives with OPs family; is their daughter. The sisters love each others company. The father wants Christmas to be a day that isn’t overshadowed by cancer. One day. An escape from that and a happy festive environment with her own sister. We don’t know the circumstances, but o can see giving the little girl a holiday experience away from the disease isn’t necessarily an escape from her mommy and their relationship.
A 5-year-old is still want to be with the mother even if it's scary at the time they will be an important memory when she's older. Spending Christmas with a bunch of strangers in one person he knows kind of weird and would be more scary for a 5-year-old if anything. If Dad wants a shiny celebration he can find a local event, most areas have them free of charge. Heck you can go for a drive and view all the Christmas lights it's not hard to make a plan.
Do you think ex wife is inviting him in too? He wants his child to have at least one day of the 2 days of Christmas to be free from worrying about cancer. Come on now.
It's weird how the OP and some of the replies are using phrases that implies the girls are close friends at best. They are biological sisters. I guess I was fortunate, my father and his ex would put up a with each other so I could know my sister 😳
According to another comment, in the full og story the father cheated on op wit his new wife, and the reason the grandparents are nc is his infidelity... He can arrange his own damn Christmas rather than shoving off his 5 yo to a woman that he cheated on who barely knows the kid, and wife's religious family who will be extremely akward around a direct reminder of infidelity who they are not even related to. Dad has to suck it up and plan his own smaller Christmas rather than sending his 5 yo to that situation....
It's not her child. its her ex husbands child and she is not obligated to her. Stop being disgusted and be realistic. Stop trying to force something on someone when they say no. No is a complete sentence. The ex husband said no to his ex wife and their relationship and yes to the new woman, so he needs to take care of his family
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DOWNVOTING IS VIOLENCE! A downvote is a vote to cancel someone! Amy S has a reasonable question. I'd err on the side of presuming he has a good reason, but she hardly stated that he could not.
I am a 100% YTA here. Wow. The coldness, the bitterness. The clear will to punish the ex at the expense of a vulnerable child. She should embrace the Christmas Christian spirit better. Jesus Christ... some people are just not fully equipped humans
He's her father. Why can't HE give her Christmas. What if his ex-wife were dead, what would he do, delete Christmas because he didn't have a woman to dump the duties on?
Load More Replies... Obviously the father can't give the child a Christmas because he is going to be in the hospital with his wife. Leah, don't demonize the father.
It doesn't say he'll be in hospital with his wife. He also didn't ask for a specific time frame he needs some childcare coverage. He instead says he can't provide a "Christmas celebration" and wants to borrow hers. I read that as they can't afford or do not have the energy to do all of the "extras", like presents, a holiday meal, cookie making, a party, etc. He is not asking for emergency babysitting. He is asking for his ex to do the Christmas Magic heavy lift.
He offered to stay with his kid at his ex wife's house, so clearly he's NOT going to be at the hospital with his wife. If it was a mom with a sick husband she'd be expected to do both...take care of her own childs needs/Xmas AND take care of her sick husband's needs. Most people would think it's weird for a woman to expect a man to make sure her own child has a good Xmas, but totally normal for a dad to do it, bc the bar for dads is ridiculously low. He's a full grown adult totally capable of doing both!
He's no longer married to this woman so he's nothing to her. His replacement child is nothing to her either. If I divorced I would have to insist on a vasectomy if he wanted to keep any money. I don't need his money, but would be happy to take half or more to protect my children from having to have a half sibling. Neither I nor my children would want such a person in our house. Maybe a 2 year old that can't speak about their parents non stop I could see hosting but honestly I wouldn't want to be responsible. It says a terrible thing about their parents. I wouldn't leave my vulnerable children with someone I hated or who hated me. That's dangerous. Would you leave your kids with your mortal enemy? If you did I'd think you'd need a visit from CPS. That's something meth heads do, leaving their kids with just anyone, especially someone who hates the parent. Nope, I wouldn't be involved on either side of that transaction. This man doesn't even have a good friend to leave his kid with.
He would have full custody of his first child. And everything would spiral into a completely different situation.
"dump the duties on." That one part of your response says all we'd need to know.
Well... She said the Christmas celebration is a sacred thing in her family. Celebrating the birth of Christ sounds pretty Christian to me.
Yeah. Like I'm a satanist. By definition i tend to be pretty critical of Christianity and it's goals of being seen as standard or default for the whole country. But using the term "Christmas " (not yule or anything else) and "sacred" (not like family tradition or something) definitely indicates a strong Christan lean in the op. And even at my most critical, i couldn't really argue that the christian religious Christmas ideals and practices are supposed to be good. about giving, selflessness, being open and kind to those with nowhere to go or few resources etc. And opening your home (even to strangers and sinners, let alone extended family) is something the bible repeatedly tells christians to do. It's completely absurd to think there's some kind of sacred Christmas anything that would demand blood family only. It's not about religious beliefs, it's about her personal discomfort and prejudice against kids that don't share her DNA. It's gross from any angle you look at it
Agreed. My ex and I have known each other since 3rd grade. She and my wife never really got along much. But guess who was there to help and morally support both of us when my wife and I suffered a 3rd trimester stillbirth? My ex. Because she understands basic human civility. A loss is hard. No need to make it harder.
I thought nativity stuff was overdone and often obnoxious. But idk. I guess there's still some who have no concept of Joseph welcoming a baby that is not his (just a half sibling to the kids he did have later. Though they're rarely talked about non main characters) and the celebration of giving the comfort and support you can to those in need (such as a medical emergy or pregnancy, life transition etc). The thing there is to be critical of Christmas about is how it commercializes even the concept of charity and kindness. They put out their red donation boxes or let people be part of a program that is big and looks good. That you can loudly mention to your friends how you're working with this charity or that soup kitchen just so much in the ultimate form of virtue signaling. And it completely erases peoples ability to actually think and put effort into sharing kindness and giving what they can and what's needed to those people in their lives. Family, friends, service workers, etc
How interesting! I've never heard anybody else acknowledge that Joseph and Mary had more children. OP's situation is one of many many reasons that I, as a Christian, do not celebrate Xmas. Jesus did not. The apostles did not. None of the disciples did for that matter. But even aside from the celebration OP can, and should act better than that!
I was going to reply to this thread with the sam point! Full disclosure, I'm not Christian. I was raised in a very religious baptist home however. None of this would fly in the church I went to as a kid. The other people would have "named and shamed" and then held a special party for the little girl and her mother. That's what really kind people to. Of course this was 30 something years ago before white evangelical Ayn Rand nationalist Christianity was a thing.
Yep, naming and shaming women, that's what kind Christians do!/s He's NC with his parents. OP'd be NC with him except they share a child, but his boundaries are more important than hers even tho those are the child's actual blood relations. He needs to step up and make the possible last Christmas with mother and daughter happen, not try to foist her off on either group where her welcome isn't certain, especially as it isn't said what he's expecting here. Is this a couple hours? An overnight trip? A weekend celebration? Are they expected to provide gifts? Transportation?
Bex, the 5 year old's mother is in the hospital and can't celebrate Christmas. It seems heartless of the OP for refusing to have the 5 year old over just because its her ex's child. It's still her daughter's sister.
I'm also a Satanist and I have had mostly negative experiences with Christian Conservatives that were unprovoked by me. My heart goes out to that 5 year old little girl. Her mommy is in the hospital with cancer, her daddy is stressed out and sad all the time and her half-sister's mother wants nothing to do with her. She probably feels very alone right now. The holidays are a whole other story. I can't really put the blame on anyone other than the deity who gave the child's mother cancer. I just hope someone steps up and shows that child kindness and compassion.
Speak for your side of the Atlantic. In my country, we call that celebration Christmas and it doesn't have anything to do with the Christ 🙄 It's the time of the year when we celebrate with family. Nothing to do with charity... If you need a excuse to be charitable then you're not as good of a person as ypu think
Here's another reason why I don't celebrate Christmas. It really is not a Christian holiday! But enjoy yourselves!
Exactly. We are all able make decisions. She is deciding to be needlessly cruel to a 5 year old for no good reason other than "it's tradition" or such malarkey. Would she turn another family member away if they brought a different 5 year old girl over for Christmas that was taken away from, let's say parents that were sent to rehab? Died in a car crash? Those are all things out of a child's control, and could put them in a similar situation. How would OP respond then?
Shut the f**k up. I'm an atheist and celebrate Christmas. It's a holiday that was stolen from previous pagan religions just like easter, because gods don't actually exist. Now they are hallmark holidays. People celebrate because its a day off from work, not because of "Christian" feelings you fool.
Being that Christmas is literally celebrating the birth of Christ? So even if she isn't Christian, she's likely of a religion based around the worship of christ. Furthermore, any religion that wouldn't support helping a child in need especially around its most sacred holiday? Thats not a religion anyone should want any part of.
Christmas is a Christian holiday. It's right there in the words root. Christ. Mas. I understand it's been secularize for profit, but that's no good reason to deviate from the fact that it is to celebrate Christ's birth, who inspired countless people to not be total jerks to each other anymore. I'd argue that if OP asked "what would Jesus do?", the answer would obviously be to take the little girl in and show her a good Christmas, and how good people behave. But no. OP would rather be cruel and miserable. I get she has am axe to grind with her ex, but it shouldn't be at the house expense of an innocent 5 year old girl whose mother is sick and battling cancer.
It's an updated, modern Saturnalia. It doesn't make it a Christian celebration no matter whose name is in it
To be fair, more than quite a few "Christians" tend to be cruel and miserable. Not saying all are, just that the number of jerks that claim to be tend to outweigh the good. But what would I know, I was raised on believing that good people come from all walks of life, no matter the religion, questioning, or even lack thereof. I think it would have been fair to try to let this little girl have a relatively normal Christmas, anyway. She's five, all she's really going to care about are the gifts, anyway. Or the shiny wrapping paper. 😆
Perhaps she should consider practicing Christianity? Hopefully, she would learn something about "COMPASSION". Obviously, she's lacking in that area. What would CHRIST do? Hmmmm¿ ♡ I will pray for her AND the others. God Bless!
It's not the ex wife responsibility. Many of you are bullies. No is a complete sentence
He is cold why doesn't he want to be with his 5 year old who's mother is battling cancer he's the a*****e
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