In a 2018 Times opinion essay 'The Boys Are Not All Right,' American actor, comedian, and writer Michael Ian Black wrote: "The past 50 years have redefined what it means to be female in America. Girls today are told that they can do anything, be anyone. They've absorbed the message: They're outperforming boys in school at every level. But it isn't just about performance. To be a girl today is to be the beneficiary of decades of conversation about the complexities of womanhood, its many forms and expressions."
"Boys, though, have been left behind. No commensurate movement has emerged to help them navigate toward a full expression of their gender. It's no longer enough to 'be a man' — we no longer even know what that means."
Also, surveys from around the world find that males everywhere are reluctant to talk about their mental health and are far more likely to die by suicide than females.
Interested in the everyday implications of this, Reddit user Workdncsheets posted a question on the platform, asking "What are some things that are normal to men but mind-blowing to women?" and it immediately went viral. Here are some of the most popular replies among the 2.8K comments they've received.
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I'm 39. I started down an entirely new career path in mid-January. I've had horrible imposter syndrome since day 1 but the new job feels good. My boss (who happens to be a woman) sent me the nicest most complimentary email thanking me for being such a good addition to the team and I sincerely cried because in all my years in the workforce nobody has ever appreciated me so much. I imagine to her it was just one of those things a good boss does - "hey, my employee did a good job, I should tell them!" I sent it to my dad when he asked me how the new job was going. Even HE cried out of pride. Men don't get compliments, and when we do, we really feel it.
Men don't get compliments. I can remember the last time I got an unsolicited compliment on my looks. I remember it clear as day. I was 6 years old. I'm 40 now.
Two guy friends could spend the afternoon together, have a grand time, come home, and have their respective wives be absolutely bewildered that they didn’t learn anything about what’s going on in the other guy's life.
The first time my wife showered with me she stops and says “it’s moving! Are you doing that? Why is it moving?” That was when I realized, if you don’t have a dong, you don’t know that they can move around as your testicles move, nor do you know that testicles move around all the time on their own. Particularly in an environment where the temperature is getting either hot or cold, like a shower. Balls move and balls itch. It’s what they do. And d***s have a mind of their own. Don’t ask me why it’s hard, I’ve been asking it that since I hit puberty.
Had a meetup with the boys for hours. not a single photo was taken.
I wish everyone did this. Living your life through taking photos isn’t healthy. Be in the moment, don’t worry about your phone.
Being single means no physical contact for extended periods. Or just me. I haven't been hugged in over 4 years. The last time I touched someone else was a handshake 5 months ago.
One of the things I love about living in France is all the bisous (kisses) that we (male and female) give and get in daily interactions.
Being treated as a danger regardless of what you do.
This is sadly true. I've always been good with kids. I love mine. I just feel mega awkward and judged if I interact in public with them. Had moms give me a hard time when I am at the playground with my son even.
Yup! Gay man here and I don’t even put myself around kids because of all the stigma. It’s just not worth it. Would never consider hurting a child but it’s just easier not putting myself in that situation.
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I have a hard time sympathizing with this one, because the reason this happens is because enough men have done so much harm, women have no choice but to assume 'all men' until proven otherwise; because, if we choose wrong, we can and have ended up assaulted, raped and/or dead.
I think some incel has downvoted you. You've obviously touched a nerve, but sadly, you are totally correct. I know perfectly well that I am no threat to any woman under any circumstances. They, however, do not. In the past, I've often crossed the road to walk past a woman on her own. I still do it now when I can, but thanks to dodgy knees, it's sometimes easier to slow right down or even stop and look at my phone to give them plenty of space. I can't help thinking that with what's available on the Internet, attitudes towards women generally are going backwards.
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That’s the fault of your fellow men who don’t know how to behave, or know how to behave but choose not to. Blame them. I know it sucks being innocent but still lumped in with them, but people don’t know you’re one of the good guys until they get to know you. Try to make sure you call out other men when you see them misbehaving, and do your utmost to talk your friends out of going down the criminal, or just the a*****e, path. If every one of the good guys—-who are the majority, btw—-made that effort, maybe things would change for the better.
Pretty sure it's the fault of a tiny minority but sadly the media make out it to be the majority... And yes, I call out s****y behaviour but I'll be damned if I'm going to apologise or accept responsibility of the bad actions of a few just because 'the internet' expects me too.
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Is this sad? Yes. But is it warranted? Sadly yes. I get it, not all guys are predators, dangerous, etc. Instead of bitching about how unfair that is, just be kind, and be an ally to women. Walking behind a woman late at night cause both of you are going the same way? Chill for a couple of minutes so she can gain some distance and feel safe, or cross the street, or politely ask her if she would like it if you walked ahead of her so she can see you. If you're not a bad guy then act on it instead of screaming "unfair".
A grateful and weary thank you, InfiniteZeek. I got yelled at in the grocery store because I would not engage with a man who kept approaching me. It was terrifying and a man is loudly stating that he is not a "bad guy", I am not going to believe him.
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EVERY woman can name dozens or hundreds of women they know who have been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted, while males claim they "don't know anyone who has done that". And then they wonder why they're not trusted.
Honestly, I get it, especially when I'm walking down the road in the middle of the night. Hell, I treat other men I don't know as threats too in that situation. Doesn't change the fact that it does kinda sting to be seen as a threat when for all intents and purposes I'm not a threat - but the other person doesn't know that and is playing it safe.
I know there are plenty of good men in the world, but this reputation is well deserved. Every incident where I've felt unsafe in my life has involved a man. I've never felt threatened, or scared for my safety around another woman, and women have never assaulted me, or stalked me.
It is true but depressing. When I was younger, 99.9 % of the time what would happen is this : guy talks to me. I answer. Talk more. I answer, he smiles, I smile back. He misconstrues it as an invitation. I gently set him straight. He gets offended by the rejection and gets mean, aggressive, in my face. This is why women are so cautious, and I am sorry because I realize that we also reject men who mean no harm.
Humans are acutely aware of the body language of potential threatening strangers. If others are perceiving you as a threat, and you are not, you may want to re-evaluate your appearance, posture and dress.
And sometimes, they just don't want to interact with you. Leave it be and just go about your day.
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Depends on the place you live. In some countries people fear everything and in others, we've never even heard of school shootings and stuff.
True. Also true, in the USA, our position on the scale has changed a lot in the past decades. When I was a kid my mom assumed strangers were harmless. My assumption today is- watchout.
Load More Replies... Try working in school. All the male staff get called paedos on a daily basis, and if a child takes a dislike to you (I work with 13-16 YO), the name calling is venomous and relentless. Management, all women, simply do not understand how destructive this is and laugh it off. I worry that such a campaign only has to reach the ears of a vigilante type for it to turn extremely dangerous. This is a reality today.
Few years ago my then girlfriend had a job interview. She was so nervous I took a day of and went with her. I was waiting in a company lobby reading a book. This company also had a kindergarten for employees' childrens. After some time woman came and asked me to leave because I am scaring the kids. I looked at her like on a crazy person, told here why I am here but she insisted. ok, I let I go and leave. I was doing slow rounds around the area. After few rounds the same lady came to me and asked me to leave or she will call a cops. I told her again I am waiting for my gf who is in this company job interview. She started being... Hm let say VERY unpleasant so I literally told her to f**k off. My girl didn't get the job, she was totally on my side and not much after she got a job in better place.
So dang unfortunate. I go out of my way to ensure I do not show any sign of being a danger. Particularly in the evening or on a not so populated sidewalk If I'm walking behind a woman I intentionally speed up and pass them so they will not think I'm following them.
Unfortunately in situations like that, if a man was walking at a greater speed whilst behind me, I’ve been conditioned to be more likely think they were trying to catch up to me rather than wanting to pass. This would particularly frighten me on a less busy street or in the evenings.
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There are all kinds of things you can do. It's been repeated over and over on this site. DO NOT SNEAK UP ON A WOMAN!! Make your presence known, even scuffing your feet is better than nothing. Don't think women hate you. We're nervous. There isn't a woman alive who hasn't had something gross/someone gross happen to her simply because she's a woman. You CANNOT say, "but I'm a good guy...I'd never hurt a woman". WE don't know that and honestly, a "nice" guy can turn on you in an instant. Put yourself in our shoes for once. Consider yourself vulnerable outside walking at night. Notice how dark it is, how many car doors you hear slamming, how many guys are laughing in a group. Those are things that scare us. I don't give a f**k if you think it's wimpy, that's our reality
If you are a "safe" man, we don't have any way of knowing. Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. The actual number of children abused is likely underreported. domesticviolencestatistics.org & nationalchildrensalliance.org
As a man if you're on the taller or larger side you will always be seen as a threath. Even if you have the best intentions to help out or do something nice: people and especially women will look at you and question "why would you do that?" Most men are not out to d**g, attack, rob, or take advantage of you.
This is tragic and I feel for good men treated like dangers. But women aren't the ones you should be complaining about. It's the men that give you all a bad name. As long as men continue to blame women for the violence against them FROM men and allow it to continue, the "good ones" are going to bear the burden of our suspicion.
TRUE. Sometimes it's just nice to sit on a bench at a park or at the mall and people watch. Especially if my feet / back hurt and I need to sit down a bit. Just because I am looking at the people walking by does not mean I want to put you in the back of a van with duct tape. Nor does it mean I am 'hitting' on you or 'wanting' you. I might look at you a few seconds longer if you are dressed ridiculously and acting stupid but nope - still don't "want" you. I'm just enjoying the clown show.
...ok, so....yeah, I swear, I did nothing wrong, I need nothing wrong, but for some reason....people just seem to avoid me? And I mean in a threatened way, I can hear it.
Where are you and, more importantly, where did you get your information? In England and Wales between 2010/2011 and 2021/2022 almost 9/10 murder suspects were men.
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My wife continually asks me 'did anyone say anything about your shirt/hair/shoes/etc?'
No, no one says anything about my appearance.
As a woman I can say something that blows my mind constantly about men is being able to leave the house with no bag. Just like keys and wallet in pockets. 0 inventory. Wild to me.
From what I am constantly told - the size of our standard pants pockets is mind-blowing.
Long car rides with another dude, nobody says anything and nobody is mad.
It's not always necessary to fill the quiet spaces with words. Some people don't understand that.
Men just naturally have a level of strength that surprises women. Testosterone is a hell of a d**g.
For example: my wife has been going to the gym for a while now. She's noticeably stronger now and it's awesome for her. I actually commented and complimented it the other night. But me, a dumpy 45 year old man whose exercise is walking and carrying groceries, I'm still stronger than her just because I'm a guy.
As a female weightlifter, this annoys and astonishes me to no end! Dudes are just strong. It's amazing.
Erection =\= Aroused.
It boggles their mind that just cause a guy gets hard doesn’t mean he is ready to go. Sometimes it just…happens.
Also we're not always ready to pop a rod at the drop of a hat. We're not actually ready for intimate relations 100% of the time. I had a girlfriend who took it very personally and would get angry when I simply wasn't in the mood. It felt very demeaning to me.
My friends who I haven't seen in YEARS went camping with me recently for four days. I got back and my wife asked me what's been going on in their lives. I pondered and said that I don't really know beyond some got married at some point, one had a kid but I don't know when, and that we mainly talked random stuff. One night we had ended up making a tier list of dipping sauces over three hours.
In general (the men I know), discussing a partners body or intimate relationship details would be crossing a line and is at best weird, and at worst a betrayal.
Having to suppress emotional responses, anxiety, depression otherwise being considered a loser, weak and worthless.
Is this why so many men don't talk about their private lives with their friends? :-(
We clean off s**t stuck to the inside of the toilet bowl when we p**s. It ain’t much but it’s honest work.
Yep, universally used. It's like catching a ghost with a proton pack, you aim with the beam. But don't cross the beams.
I don't remember the birthday of my best friend of 12 years. i just know its in January.
The expectation to help in certain situations, especially as a big guy.
I went to retirement party for a person I never met before (invited by a friend). Literally minutes after I showed up, some random lady came up to me and *told* me to come with her because she needed something carried somewhere.
After I helped the woman above, I remember my (female) friend was kinda surprised that this woman just demanded I help her, without knowing who I was at all. I don't mind helping. On some level it's nice (?) knowing that I look strong enough to help people do things they physically can't. But this happens ALL. THE. TIME. Which also surprised her.
I can't count the number of times I have helped women in stores reach things because I am tall. Just the other day in the grocery store a woman said "excuse me...". I looked and just said "the blue one?". She was surprised that I did not mind helping. Lady. You would not believe how many times I have done this.
That we don’t socialize/talk/bond with other guys in the bathroom.
No talking in the bathroom. You go in, take care of business, wash your hands, and get out.
No standing next to another dude at the urinal unless you have no choice.
Women’s behavior in the bathroom is considerably different than men’s behavior, or so I’ve been told.
My female friends don’t roast each other like I do with my friends. It’s all in good fun, but I can’t joke with them like I do with my male friends.
As a man, I noticed that women can be...... sensitive..... about roasting. They take it very personal. So I don't roast them. Then they complain that I am different with them than with my male friends. So I roast them, then they get all offended and tell me to not be so personal. I think women are doing it to unbalance men, and I will die on this hill
How much stress some of us feel trying to be providers.
Which probably isn't mind-blowing to single mothers.
Apparently just thinking of ”nothing”. Total zoning out.
The complete f*****g mystery that is flirting.
The anxiety of approaching someone you're interested in and making the first move. Straight women act like it's nothing but I have known Bi women who get as anxious as any man who approaches a woman.
Getting kicked in the balls.
Knowing that when you shake hands with another man that when he squeezes your hand he is sizing you up. Deciding whether or not he could take you in a fight.
Understanding that being told "be yourself" is the equivalent for women of "he'll like you for your personality".
If you see a woman, let's say at work, openly crying she may be having anything from a tough day to having suffered a serious personal loss. Where as if you see a man doing this at work he's probably 6 minutes from s*****e. Not having the freedom to cry is so worked into the concept of manhood that most men can't even when they want to.
I agree with everything except the handshake. A handshake tells me if the person is nice, trustworthy, considering himself above, below or equal to me, and if he is an a$$hat or not.
My wife didn’t realize she’d been seeing this for years in various guys until she asked me what it was. I call it the “Howdy Pardner” - when you realize one or both of the twins is stuck to your leg so you kinda haunch out like a cowboy walking with his spurs on for just a split second and everything unsticks.
How disposable we feel. Like Chris Rock said, "Only women, children, and puppies are loved unconditionally ".
Mainly mind blowing to my wife.
When something in the house breaks, needs repairing, repainting, generally attended to. I don't have an automatic man signal straight to my brain that tells me what to do.
I have to go away, watch YouTube videos, read methods, roam around B&Q for a solution. It takes failed attempts and roaming around the offending situation cursing to myself when no one around untill I either fix it. Or call another male via form of payment to fix it because I'm out of my depth.
My wife is under the impression her role is to identify something is wrong and just hand it to me because I will "know what to do".
Struggling to do something in public and no one coming over to assist you.
Sadly, attractive people get customer service, the rest of us struggle along.
Living in an apartment with a tv and no furniture. Lol!!!
Saying that you are or being sad and being completely ignored. Getting zero likes on social media for a post.
Going a long period of time without sex or a relationship. For some reason, women think it's easy for men to find someone. They think there is someone out there that would do it or we can just pull women at will.
Note: this post originally had 45 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
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When, at work, the subject of conversation turns to sex, and women are taking part in it it, any man with an ounce of sense has to immediately excuse himself and leave the vicinity. Because, one day, one of those ladies may take a dislike to that man, and all she has to do is say 'sexual harassment' and he's guilty until proven innocent (and the label will probably still linger, anyway). For him to have taken part in that discussion, even to have remained within hearing distance of it, will just be another bit of 'evidence' for the case against him.
Yes. For a while there was one man who worked in our 17-person department. He said it was exhausting having to constantly have to rethink every word out of his mouth & double- and triple-check his interactions with us. Looking back, I'm not sure if we were a bunch of over-reacting ovary owners...or he was being cautious.
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This was cool overall, but, as usual, 1 or 2 individuals have to weigh in with something nasty to say. Jiminy Cricket, can't some folks just STFU and enjoy a post without making it a battle of the sexes, US vs the world, or some other cr@p? Lighten up people and stop looking for axes to grind.
Seems like a lot of one-upmanship. We just have differences, it doesn't always have to be about "I have it worse than you do"
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This whole post, overall made me sad. It doesn't mean there isn't still a lot of discrimination against women, cause there is (as in, only~2.5% of reported rapes result in a conviction and jail time or that women who get divorced are much less financially secure than men; "the key domain in which large and persistent gender differences emerged were women’s disproportionate losses in household income and associated increases in their risk of poverty and single parenting. Taken together, these findings suggest that men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/; etc) But it feels so wrong to still hear that men don't feel like they can cry. Or that they never really get compliments. I just feel really sad about that. Also, just fyi, men like flowers, too! I usually get my partners sunflowers or tulips and they always seem to really like the gesture. Just saying.
Do you see what you did? At least half of your post about being sad about how men are viewed by society doesn't even have anything to do with the topic of your own post.
Load More Replies... For all my struggling brothers out there who don't know "how to be a man", just be like Uncle Iroh from The Las Airbender and life will improve
The most pathetic part about ALL of those statements is that they are afraid of doing ANYTHING that might be perceived as caring, emotional, courteous, or seen as ceding ground to others. They are TERRIFIED of being seen as anything but dominant, that it will somehow emasculate them to ask for help or defer to others. [ ............................... ] I watch a lot of car crash videos, and most of the crashes could be prevented if males were willing to let someone merge in front, or lift off the accelerator for half a second and concede the space to the other car. But no, they're all insecure and pathetic males who "think" they're being emasculated if they don't prove dominance. They would rather be stupid and crash than be seen as smart and "weak".
What you're describing is the average schmuck, not the average man although I will concede that there is overlap
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I get the feel that the people commenting on here are on the same level as being an aggressive vegan who supports halal meat.
These poor men really been suffering from these horrendous problems all these years and no one offers any real support.
When, at work, the subject of conversation turns to sex, and women are taking part in it it, any man with an ounce of sense has to immediately excuse himself and leave the vicinity. Because, one day, one of those ladies may take a dislike to that man, and all she has to do is say 'sexual harassment' and he's guilty until proven innocent (and the label will probably still linger, anyway). For him to have taken part in that discussion, even to have remained within hearing distance of it, will just be another bit of 'evidence' for the case against him.
Yes. For a while there was one man who worked in our 17-person department. He said it was exhausting having to constantly have to rethink every word out of his mouth & double- and triple-check his interactions with us. Looking back, I'm not sure if we were a bunch of over-reacting ovary owners...or he was being cautious.
Load More Replies... This was cool overall, but, as usual, 1 or 2 individuals have to weigh in with something nasty to say. Jiminy Cricket, can't some folks just STFU and enjoy a post without making it a battle of the sexes, US vs the world, or some other cr@p? Lighten up people and stop looking for axes to grind.
Seems like a lot of one-upmanship. We just have differences, it doesn't always have to be about "I have it worse than you do"
Load More Replies... This whole post, overall made me sad. It doesn't mean there isn't still a lot of discrimination against women, cause there is (as in, only~2.5% of reported rapes result in a conviction and jail time or that women who get divorced are much less financially secure than men; "the key domain in which large and persistent gender differences emerged were women’s disproportionate losses in household income and associated increases in their risk of poverty and single parenting. Taken together, these findings suggest that men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/; etc) But it feels so wrong to still hear that men don't feel like they can cry. Or that they never really get compliments. I just feel really sad about that. Also, just fyi, men like flowers, too! I usually get my partners sunflowers or tulips and they always seem to really like the gesture. Just saying.
Do you see what you did? At least half of your post about being sad about how men are viewed by society doesn't even have anything to do with the topic of your own post.
Load More Replies... For all my struggling brothers out there who don't know "how to be a man", just be like Uncle Iroh from The Las Airbender and life will improve
The most pathetic part about ALL of those statements is that they are afraid of doing ANYTHING that might be perceived as caring, emotional, courteous, or seen as ceding ground to others. They are TERRIFIED of being seen as anything but dominant, that it will somehow emasculate them to ask for help or defer to others. [ ............................... ] I watch a lot of car crash videos, and most of the crashes could be prevented if males were willing to let someone merge in front, or lift off the accelerator for half a second and concede the space to the other car. But no, they're all insecure and pathetic males who "think" they're being emasculated if they don't prove dominance. They would rather be stupid and crash than be seen as smart and "weak".
What you're describing is the average schmuck, not the average man although I will concede that there is overlap
Load More Replies... I get the feel that the people commenting on here are on the same level as being an aggressive vegan who supports halal meat.
These poor men really been suffering from these horrendous problems all these years and no one offers any real support.
