Couple Calls It Quits After Wife Refuses To House Husband’s “Medically Needy” Parents
Shakespeare’s legendary play King Lear is perhaps the first such large-scale work in world culture where the problem of old age and the care of the elderly by their children rises to its full height.
Of course, King Lear didn’t have to deal with Social Security, Medicare and other things that his American peers have to deal with today, but that doesn’t make this story from the user u/aitamineorhis that we’ll tell you today any less sad.
The author of the post and her husband both have elderly parents who are in need of care
Image credits: Atahan Demir (not the actual photo)
The author’s in-laws have serious health issues and live only out of social care
Image credits: aitamineorhis
At the same time, her own parents retired recently and are considering moving from a major city to somewhere where life is way cheaper
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Image credits: aitamineorhis
Image credits: Wellness Gallery Catalyst Foundation (not the actual photo)
Image credits: aitamineorhis
The author suggested that her husband put his parents in a decent nursing home while her own parents could move into her house
Image credits: Monstera (not the actual photo)
Image credits: aitamineorhis
The guy wasn’t happy with this idea at all, so some real family drama arose out of this quarrel
So the characters are:
The Original Poster (OP) is a 35-year-old woman living with her husband in her own house. According to prenup, the house belongs to her alone.
The OP’s husband is a 37-year-old man who works hard, but still earns less than his wife.
The OP’s parents are an elderly couple, recently retired and living in a big city. It is reasonable to fear that in the future they will not be able to afford living in the metropolis.
The OP’s in-laws are an old husband and wife. Alas, the woman has dementia and the man faces some major mobility issues.
The OP’s husband’s siblings – one of them is an addict and is in prison while the second one has four kids and lives in a 2-bedroom apartment.
Act one
The original poster’s MIL was recently found wandering the street, and social services have been involved. After talking with the older sibling, the OP’s husband realized that there were two options left for his parents – either to move them into the house he lives in, or to put them in a nursing home.
At the same time, after a similar conversation with her own parents, the author of the post decided to invite them to move in with her. Why exactly them? Firstly, the OP’s parents have some savings that they can contribute to household finance, and secondly, they are quite easygoing people and her spouse got along with them well. Finally, with the money that the spouses would save from the financial assistance of the wife’s parents, it would be possible to find a worthy nursing home for her in-laws.
Act two
The author of the post expressed her thoughts to her spouse and was faced with a sharp rejection of this idea on his part. The man did not want to listen to any arguments that his parents are also not very appreciative people, and that the original poster has had a lot of problems getting along with them in the past.
Also, the OP’s husband did not want to take into account the fact that since he works more hours than his wife, then the main burden of caring for the elderly would fall on her. In his opinion, the wife’s parents could simply move to a smaller city and arrange their lives there themselves.
A family quarrel flared up, and the husband rashly declared that his wife is obliged to look after his parents out of love for him alone. This argument did not sit well with the OP. The wife admitted that if he was still against her parents in the house, then she respected his opinion and would try to find some other option for them, but his parents would not be in this house either.
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Act three
As a result of the scandal, the man decided to part ways with the original poster, takes his things and go to stay with one of his friends. The couple have begun to look for a lawyer for the upcoming divorce. According to the author of the post, the only nursing home that works with Medicare, and which her probably-ex can afford now, is an awful place, but she can’t help it.
Of course, life is unfair, but the original poster is pretty convinced she shouldn’t take care of people who have been mistreating her for years, and even to the detriment of her own parents. And if the price of this is ruining of her ten-year and quite happy marriage – well, so be it…
In the comments to the post, the author admitted that she used to work as a nurse, so this was probably another reason for her spouse to insist that she take care of his parents. At the same time, most of the man’s income goes to paying for his student loans (6 figures, according to the OP’s words). The guy has a master’s degree from an expensive university; however, where they live, there are no high-paid jobs available with his degree.
In any case, according to the opinion of most people in the comments, the man behaved quite selfishly in this situation, completely ignoring his wife’s needs and opinion. And as for that very statement that she’s obliged to take care of his parents simply out of love for him, most commenters found it absolutely misogynistic. In any case, given that OP’s MIL is developing dementia, then the situation with her health will only worsen in the future. “If he cares about them, he would want them in a facility where they can receive professional help,” one of the folks in the comments summarizes.
Unfortunately, none of us is actually immune from the fact that in our declining years we, firstly, will have to face health and financial problems, and secondly, our children are not at all obliged to devote their lives to caring for us. For example, this post of ours is also devoted to the problem of the relationship between elderly parents and adult children. In the meantime, we would be very grateful to you if you express your point of view on the described situation in the comments below.
Most commenters found the husband’s point of view a tad bit misogynistic and stated that his parents would in fact be better off in a nursing home
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This marriage was doomed way before the parental care question arose. OP kept a scoresheet of shortcomings and the like very early in. The husband is also a piece of work, apparently, and that should have been addressed way before the issues arose with both sets of parents.
Yea I think there was way more to it than this argument
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Oh hell no, I'm a full-time caregiver for my mom whom I adore and it's no walk in the park. You end up giving up your own life, no way in hell I'd do that for someone I disliked.
It's not even fully about that too, its a lot of work to take care of someone with Dementia as well as a fall risk. I'd feel safer if they were with a professional. My Grandparents lived on their own until Grandma had hip problems and other health issues, she was the one to look after my Grandpa. Not one person can look after someone for so long without support, especially for someone who hates you.. don't think the husband would have helped if she had, even morally.
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NTA. I can't believe he wants HER to take of HIS parents, who treat her like s**t! No way in hell! That is a lot to take on! He doesn't even want to do it! I'm sorry your marriage is over. Good luck.
This marriage was doomed way before the parental care question arose. OP kept a scoresheet of shortcomings and the like very early in. The husband is also a piece of work, apparently, and that should have been addressed way before the issues arose with both sets of parents.
Yea I think there was way more to it than this argument
Load More Replies... Oh hell no, I'm a full-time caregiver for my mom whom I adore and it's no walk in the park. You end up giving up your own life, no way in hell I'd do that for someone I disliked.
It's not even fully about that too, its a lot of work to take care of someone with Dementia as well as a fall risk. I'd feel safer if they were with a professional. My Grandparents lived on their own until Grandma had hip problems and other health issues, she was the one to look after my Grandpa. Not one person can look after someone for so long without support, especially for someone who hates you.. don't think the husband would have helped if she had, even morally.
Load More Replies... NTA. I can't believe he wants HER to take of HIS parents, who treat her like s**t! No way in hell! That is a lot to take on! He doesn't even want to do it! I'm sorry your marriage is over. Good luck.
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