“Get Out”: New Mom Kicks Out MIL After She Tries To Change Newborn’s Name, Family Turns On Her
The responsibility that comes with choosing your baby’s name can be a little intimidating. After all, the child will carry it throughout their life.
But with her firstborn, Reddit user SuccessfulWeb3586 used the opportunity to commemorate her deceased father and named her son after him.
However, in a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’, the woman wrote that her “very opinionated” mother-in-law was really unhappy with this decision, and the two of them quickly got into a heated argument.
This woman named her first child after her deceased father with whom she had a very strong connection
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
But her “very opinionated” mother-in-law didn’t like it and started looking for ways she could change the baby’s name
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual image)
Image credits: SuccessfulWeb3586
Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum thinks there’s nothing wrong with suggesting parents names for their babies, but they should remain just that, suggestions
Image credits: honestmum.com
Our parenting expert Vicki Broadbent, who runs the acclaimed lifestyle blog Honest Mum, told Bored Panda that “it’s lovely to collate a list of suggested names from family members and friends, but you as the parents of the baby should always have the final say.”
According to Broadbent, everything boils down to the simple rule: it’s your child, so it’s also your choice. “In my case, my sons had the final say on my daughter’s name, so older siblings can be involved, too of course,” the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (US and Canada) added.
When it comes to commenting on baby name choices, other moms believe that “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”
Diana Spalding, who is a certified nurse-midwife, thinks that no saying could apply better when it comes to opinions about someone else’s choice in baby names than “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
“Whenever I hear someone chime in with their ‘feedback’ about someone else’s baby name, it always makes me cringe inside,” she said.
“It just makes me want to say—to anybody who feels like they just have to weigh in on another person’s name choice: Listen, you’re entitled to your opinion. We all are! You are not going to like everyone’s baby name decisions and that’s okay. But please, keep your opinions about other people’s baby name choices to yourself.”
Spalding explains her strong emotions with the belief that baby name comments are just unhelpful. According to her, as people cross the threshold into parenthood, they will find a thousand reasons to doubt themselves, and they don’t need to add “picks questionable baby names” to the list.
Indeed, I doubt there is a couple who, immediately after welcoming their child into the world, wants to spend time justifying the name they have chosen for their little bundle of joy.
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual image)
In-law tensions hit women the hardest
Sadly, there are many more women who are having similar problems as the author of this Reddit post.
According to a study of hundreds of families over two decades, more than 60 percent of women admitted their relationship with their female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress.
Psychologist Dr. Terri Apter, who carried out the research for her book What Do You Want From Me?, found that two-thirds of daughters-in-law believed that their husband’s mother frequently exhibited jealous, maternal love towards their sons.
The behavior ranged from that experienced by 26-year-old Jenny from north London, whose mother-in-law began emailing her two months before her wedding with messages saying, ‘What you don’t realize is that my son thinks about me every day, every minute of the day, every second of every minute of the day’, to more common actions such as making demands, being critical or intrusive, sulking and eliciting pity.
A substantial portion of these conflicts have their roots in the mother/son relationship, which contains an element of romance in a way that a mother and daughter bond does not, Apter said. “This unique dynamic can trigger competition when another woman becomes the new closest kin,” the psychologist explained.
However, as we learned from this particular story, these things often further divide the family and don’t really help anybody.
Image credits: Exergen Corporation (not the actual image)
When moms and dads feel that their close people are undermining their authority as parents, Vicki Broadbent suggests calmly explaining to them your preferences face-to-face and avoiding addressing the matter via email or text as tone can be lost over these channels.
“If conversations become heated, arranging a family meeting with an objective mediator might be best,” Broadbent added.
“Postpartum (2 years plus after the birth of the baby) is a stressful time for the mother especially so respect, empathy and understanding must be shown by all family members towards her. This is a time to show support, not create stress and trauma for the mother, and baby.”