Children’s safety is at the heart of every parent or person caring for one. But their means of safeguarding kids often differ, which can be a cause for conflict in some situations.
Redditor u/No_Razzmatazz_6436 told the AITA community about the fight they had with their sister who used a child leash on her niece. The parent was furious when they came to pick up their daughter from her aunt’s. However, their harsh comments covered more than just the leash, which, in retrospect, left the OP wondering whether they were a jerk to their sister.
To get a better understanding of how using a child leash can affect kids, Bored Panda has reached out to parenting expert and professor of psychological science at University of Mary Washington, Holly H. Schiffrin, PhD, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. Scroll down to find her insight in the text below.
It’s a parent’s instinct to fight for what they believe is best for their child
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This parent opened up about getting into a fight with their sister because she was using a child leash on her niece
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
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Image source: No_Razzmatazz
Image credits: alexlucru123 (not the actual photo)
When it comes to child leashes, people are split into two camps about them
Kids have a tendency to run off, and they can be surprisingly fast on those little legs. Baby Center emphasized that they’re not doing that to test the limits of their parents’ patience, though; they just want to enjoy the freedom learning how to walk gives them. That’s why creating a safe environment for the little version of the Flash should be parents’ number one priority.
Making sure they’re safe is not an easy task, though, especially when a glimpse of a second is all it takes for them to bolt. That’s why some moms and dads rely on the help of a child leash. It allows them to stop the little one from running off into a busy street, getting lost in a crowded place, or endangering themselves in any other way.
Even though it sounds like a good solution, the topic of child tethers has always been quite a controversial one. While some parents agree that it’s a great way to protect kids from possible dangers, others find it somewhat disturbing to walk them in such a way. They also see other possible drawbacks, such as restraining the child’s rule learning process or presenting certain injury risks.
Whether or not a child leash is appropriate depends on each individual child
Professor of psychological science at University of Mary Washington, Holly H. Schiffrin, PhD, discussed the possible drawbacks of a child leash with Bored Panda. “A potential concern for keeping a child restrained too much is that it has the potential to adversely affect their development.
“Typically, exploration of the environment with parental supervision is associated with better motor, cognitive, and social development. If a parent is using a leash (or stroller, for that matter) simply because it’s easier than providing supervision, they may want to reconsider and make sure that they are providing their child with ample opportunity to explore their environment and develop self-control.
“Engaging in developmentally inappropriate levels of control has the potential to create a cycle of dependence in which the child never learns to control their own behavior because their parent is always doing it for them. Eventually, they are going to need these skills, so it’s important to allow them to practice and develop them,” she added.
When it comes to the question of whether or not a child leash is suitable for a five year old, the professor emphasized that the matter is very subjective. “The question is what is developmentally appropriate for a given child. One way to assess this is to look at what other children of the same age are able to do,” Dr. Schiffrin suggested.
“If the majority of 5-year-olds are able to accompany their parents in public without a leash (and I believe they are), then that’s a sign that it is likely developmentally inappropriate to use a leash. That being said, each individual child is unique and parents are in the best position to know what their child needs. If they feel like there is a significant safety issue and the only way to keep their child safe in a given situation is to have them on a leash, then that may be developmentally appropriate for that child in that context.”
The kid leash wasn’t the only problematic matter in the story, as commenters pointed out the fat-shaming as well
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Some people in the comments under the post agreed with the OP and claimed that a child leash was unnecessary at best, especially since they were staying at home. However, that wasn’t the only problem fellow redditors pointed out. Some of them believed both sides were in the wrong here, as even those who supported the OP’s stance on the child harness couldn’t justify their comments to their sister.
Fat-shaming remarks have a strong negative impact on the receiver, especially coming from a family member. In an article for Psychology Today, Elizabeth Dorrance, an assistant professor in the communication department at Michigan State University, pointed out that hurtful things coming from family sting more than coming from other close people. According to her, it can be related to the belief that family members should be there for each other unconditionally or to the fact that it is more difficult to distance yourself from your kin than it is from others.
Despite the negative impact it brings, family members arguably fat-shame their loved ones the most. A 2021 study revealed that as much as 76%-88% of those surveyed admitted to having faced such comments from their close relatives.
The OP’s remarks towards their sibling could have been a spur-of-the-moment kind of deal, which they might or might not have regretted later; but one thing is clear, when it comes to child leashes, people’s opinions still seem to differ quite drastically.
The OP answered some comments and provided more information about the sister and the daughter
Redditors shared their views on the controversial matter, lots of them took the OP’s side
Others thought the parent might have crossed the line with the comments and said that both are at fault here
I'm jealous of people that got to use a leash. I'm sure my mom wishes she had one for me. When I was 4, mom and I were shopping and I went into a circular clothing rack. I thought it was my mom that pulled me out and walked me out of the store. Mom was right behind us. The lady said Oh I thought you were mine and left.
My wife was a runner when she was a kid and had a leash... she jokes about it, but says it probably saved her life.
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My oldest has severe ADD. One year, attending the Texas Renaissance Festival (one of the largest in the country), I had bent down to do something while holding his hand with hubby next to us. He pulled away and was just gone in a crowd of thousands. I screamed, hubby screamed, and dozens of workers ran to help find him. He was found a few minutes later only about 100 feet from us watching juggling. He was not quite 3. For the next 2 years he wore a harness & leash in big crowds. That was the only time we did it, for safety reasons. To do what your sister did is basically abuse. If she wasn't willing to actually watch her, she should have never asked to. N. T. A!
I had a similar experience at the Michigan Renaissance Festival. I let go to point, looked down and my daughter was gone. We found her less than six feet away and quickly, but it was terrifying... as for the story, the OP could have had a conversation with her sister instead of being rude and insulting. Pretty sure the sister meant no harm and I don't see anything about the child being traumatized. This could have been a polite conversation instead of a battle. For that, OP is TA.
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My younger brother had child reins (wouldn’t have called it a leash) but as a 4 year old he would have run into traffic or all sorts of harm without them. He’s now 45 and doesn’t need them anymore thank goodness.
I'm jealous of people that got to use a leash. I'm sure my mom wishes she had one for me. When I was 4, mom and I were shopping and I went into a circular clothing rack. I thought it was my mom that pulled me out and walked me out of the store. Mom was right behind us. The lady said Oh I thought you were mine and left.
My wife was a runner when she was a kid and had a leash... she jokes about it, but says it probably saved her life.
Load More Replies... My oldest has severe ADD. One year, attending the Texas Renaissance Festival (one of the largest in the country), I had bent down to do something while holding his hand with hubby next to us. He pulled away and was just gone in a crowd of thousands. I screamed, hubby screamed, and dozens of workers ran to help find him. He was found a few minutes later only about 100 feet from us watching juggling. He was not quite 3. For the next 2 years he wore a harness & leash in big crowds. That was the only time we did it, for safety reasons. To do what your sister did is basically abuse. If she wasn't willing to actually watch her, she should have never asked to. N. T. A!
I had a similar experience at the Michigan Renaissance Festival. I let go to point, looked down and my daughter was gone. We found her less than six feet away and quickly, but it was terrifying... as for the story, the OP could have had a conversation with her sister instead of being rude and insulting. Pretty sure the sister meant no harm and I don't see anything about the child being traumatized. This could have been a polite conversation instead of a battle. For that, OP is TA.
Load More Replies... My younger brother had child reins (wouldn’t have called it a leash) but as a 4 year old he would have run into traffic or all sorts of harm without them. He’s now 45 and doesn’t need them anymore thank goodness.
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