Mom Defends Decision To Send Kid To School In Clean But Stained Clothing, Splits The Internet
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Raising kids can be expensive. Research from LendingTree shows that the cost of raising a child from birth to the age of 18 is around $240,000. Daycare, after-school clubs, transportation, food – the expenses are endless. Clothes also fall into this category, as kids don’t really have that much discipline for not being messy, so they might need new ones more often than adults do.
That’s why one mom says she simply can’t afford to buy her preschool daughter new clothes every time she stains them. The mom, Marla Branyan, shared her opinion on why it’s okay if your kid goes to school with a stained wardrobe. Stained does not equal dirty, she says. However, she got mixed reactions from people, as some disagreed.
Bored Panda reached out to Marla and she was kind enough to tell us more about her video. She says she did expect her opinion to strike a chord with parents, but she didn’t think it would get so much attention online and become so viral. Read our conversation with her below!
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Kids can be messy: they eat, they paint, they sometimes play in the mud, and their clothes get stained
Image credits: Matthias Zomer (not the actual photo)
One mom explained that she doesn’t think sending kids to school in stained clothes is such a bad thing
“This is your reminder that it’s okay to send your kids to school in clean, stained clothes.”
Image credits: marla_branyan
“I have a three-and-a-half-year-old. She goes to preschool. She stained these while at preschool. Why would I not send her to school in the stained clothes that she stained at school?”
Image credits: marla_branyan
“I’m not sending my kids to any type of school, no matter what age, in their Sunday best. It’s just not happening. Unless they are naturally a less of a messy kid than my precious little three-and-a-half-year-old baby girl.”
Image credits: marla_branyan
“She messy. She’s living her best life, and I will continue sending her in the stained clothes because I can’t afford to keep replacing these pants every single week. Okay, I can’t.”
Image credits: marla_branyan
“And Goodwill only has a variety of patterns. They don’t have plain stuff.”
Image credits: marla_branyan
Her video went viral and now has over 1.2 million views
@marla_branyan I think most preschool teachers and daycare providers would actually prefer kids NOT be in their nicest/name brand clothes bc it takes some pressure off the teachers/providers to help keep those clothes as clean as possible. Kids need freedom to be messy and dirty, and that preschool and daycare age is a great opportunity for that. #daycare #preschool #parentsoftoddlers #toddlersoftiktok #parents #parentsofpreschoolers #parentsoftiktok #daycareprovider #daycarelife #daycareworker #preschoolteacher #preschoolmom ♬ original sound – ᗰ ᗩ ᖇ ᒪ ᗩ 🔆
She explained her rationale in a follow-up video
@marla_branyan Replying to @Urban People Cleaning Our intentions matter & knowing which direction we’re more inclined to go (lazy or perfectionist) is helpful in determining why we do what we do & why we make the choices we make. ❤️ #daycare #preschool #parentsoftoddlers #toddlersoftiktok #parents #parentsofpreschoolers #parentsoftiktok #perfectionism #controlfreak #cleanfreak #parentsoftiktok #daycareprovider #daycarelife #daycareworker #preschoolteacher #preschoolmom #greenscreen ♬ original sound – ᗰ ᗩ ᖇ ᒪ ᗩ 🔆
The mom in the video, Marla Branyan, is a firm believer that we should allow kids to be messy
Although the attention online for Marla is somewhat overwhelming, she says it’s nice to know many commenters agree with her. “Even though that does make me feel good, I’m even more happy that so many kids have parents who allow them opportunities to be messy and have fun instead of worrying about their clothes at such a young age!” she tells Bored Panda.
This mom is a firm believer that kids should make a mess when they play and not worry about it. “Mess is a byproduct of the kinds of activities needed for kids to develop certain skills,” she says. “So much of what kids are doing in daycare and preschool is working on gross motor and fine motor skills. Working on these skills requires kids to use their brain and hands together.”
“In order to work on those gross and fine motor skills, kids need [hands-on] activities like cutting with scissors, playing with playdough, holding things like big crayons and paintbrushes, running, climbing, the list goes on. Fun, engaging, and even intentionally messy activities help make learning fun!”
“Preschool and daycare [are] all about making learning fun, playing with others, and becoming familiar with learning. The last thing a kid needs in an environment like this is to be worried about getting messy because mommy or daddy is going to be upset they ruined something,” Branyan says. “Are there times when kids need to ‘try’ to stay clean, like at a wedding or church? Absolutely! Daycare and preschool [are] not one of those times,” she says firmly.
Image credits: Gabe Pierce (not the actual photo)
She says that realizing there’s nothing wrong in sending kids back to school in the clothes they stained there gave her a huge sense of relief
Branyan says no teacher or daycare provider ever showed concern about her kids’ clothes. “I can confidently say that ALL of the preschool teachers and daycare providers in the comments section of my video were in 100% agreement with sending kids in clean stained clothes,” she emphasizes.
“Most of them said it actually takes [the] pressure off them to keep kids clean in an environment that’s [set up] to play, paint, and inevitably get messy. Many said they actually tell parents to send kids IN play clothes in hopes of avoiding an upset [parent] because something got ruined.”
Branyan says that she wanted “to remove a lot of the added stress we as parents put on our own shoulders.” She’s no stranger to feeling like her kids need to look perfect at school and daycare. “When I finally had the realization or ‘lightbulb moment’ that most of the stains were coming from preschool, therefore, it should be okay to send them back to school in those clothes, I felt a HUGE sense of freedom.”
“I just want other parents to have that freedom I feel,” she gets honest. “I also wanted parents who struggle with sending their kids in clean, stained clothes to reflect and find out why that is! Our intentions [matter], and it’s really beneficial to ask ourselves why we do what we do so we can make sure we’re not projecting our own adult insecurities onto our kids.”
Image credits: Erika Fletcher (not the actual photo)
Messy play for kids is totally normal
Many parents know the struggle when you pick up your kid from daycare and see a new stain on their clothes. Whether it’s grass, paint, or some mystery pink blob, kids aren’t known for thinking about their clothes when playing.
And many experts say that it’s okay. Apparently, getting dirty while playing is important and can even benefit kids. According to Schoolhouse Daycare, it allows children to explore, fostering their curiosity and imagination. Playing with sand, water, chalk, or paint allows kids to better understand their senses – they touch, smell, and taste these things. That’s how they get to know the world around them.
Research shows that toddlers who use all their senses while playing learn “physical principles” more quickly. By letting our children explore by themselves, we’re fostering their independence as well. That way, they grow up to be more independent and have better self-esteem as adults.
If a kid is getting messy while playing with other children, like in daycare, that helps them improve their communication skills. Almost any time kids interact with each other, it’s an opportunity to learn more about sharing and negotiating.
And those parents who’ve seen their kids engage in messy play can probably attest that there’s almost nothing that kids love more than some fun times in a puddle or making a mud pie. That’s because it’s a way for them to de-stress while being immersed in nature.
So the comments under Marla’s video that said “Let them be kids!” were probably right. Children don’t need to be as put-together and tidy as adults are. Even if that would make the lives of parents much easier, getting dirty is beneficial for a kid’s development.
The mom got mixed reactions from people: some agreed with her
Others had a different opinion
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Please, BP, have some respect for yourselves and others. Please stop writing about tiktok videos. Tiktok gives impressionable people that watch them very bad ideas.
If the U.S. bans tiktok then BP won't have anything to write about, LOL!
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Why is this controversial? If the kid doesn't care, and they are clean, why would anyone else care?
As a teacher I don't mind clothes with obvious old stains. What I mind is lice, odour, sweat stains and grease hairs. I will always remember the time I gave a big fifth year a pack on the back and my hand stuck to his clothes...
Has anyone ever considered that putting some content out on the Internet is a Bad Idea? That it can make you look stupid/insane/horrible? That this can lead to the child being tormented at school and further in life? Some things should just stay private.
The older they get the less messy they become so it doesn't really matter. By the time.they get to the age that they actually care they won't have many stained clothes anyway
Stain? Pfft. Before age 13, I rarely had clothes that were new. Almost all my clothes had been handed-down multiple times ... and it didn't stop with me! My cousin got them when I was through. In junior high, most of my jeans and some of my shirts had iron-on patches to cover the holes we couldn't sew shut.
Kids are kids. If they decide someone is going to be their target, that's it. They'll find their target - stained clothes, new clothes, tomboy, princess, short hair, long hair, messy hair, flat hair, already developing in Grade 5, not developing by Grade 8, too smart, too stupid, too light too dark too different too boring too loud too quiet...... It doesn't matter. You raise your children to be confident in themselves, to do their personal best, and to let them know they are loved. They're *children* not your media profile photo.
Stains on knees, sleeves and fronts are all fine, but if it's clearly a potty accident stain, no way would I send my child anywhere like that. Most adults would never be seen with those stains (except those Walmart folks) so don't take your kid's dignity away by doing it.
Agreed, but the ones in the video are clearly from playing outside. Perfectly fine in my book, although I would probably try to buy darker colours where it's less noticeable. I'm in my thirties and would probably die of anxiety wearing that colour trousers...
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By all means let them play, let them make a mess, it's all part of being a kid and no,you don't need to throw them away every time, but why aren't you getting the stains out? Mud, water paints should all wash out. Any item that is impossibly stained becomes 'home play wear'. Is it one of those 30degree wash things? My mum used non bio Persil at 40degrees for the 5 of us had never sent one of us out 'stained'. I once dropped an entire palette of paint down a new dress she'd made for me to wear to school on my birthday. Came out from the twin tub with no trouble.
Also, laundry detergents have become so much better since the 1980s and 1990s. Adult me, having spent the entire day at class for a job degree, decided it was a good idea to get grass stains all over my good jeans playing with a friend's dog (I'm not at all used to spending a day sitting down, and the dog was very cute). Was a bit worried, because I was pretty broke at the time and couldn't afford a replacement, but it washed out perfectly fine on the first attempt without much effort, probably at 30 degrees because I hardly ever use anything else except for stuff like bedding and towels. So I am a bit surprised this lady has so much trouble.
Load More Replies... Depends on the location, type and size of the stains, I guess. Darker pants for playing are not a bad idea either!
Definitely. Camo would be even better, it all just becomes part of the pattern then!
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I have never heard that its unacceptable to wear stained clothes. Im an ADULT and ill wear lightly stained clothes depending on what its for and how strict the dress code is. Never questioned once abotr wearing stained clothes to school. None of the kids mentioned it because half of their wardrobe was also stained... it was just normal???
It is in the sense that it's hygienic and smells nice. Which is the important part.
Load More Replies... My child loved anything that would stain her clothes. I bought a variety of stain removers and used them to get rid of the stains. ThickTok is a stain on society. Wash your child’s clothes properly rather than posting stupid videos justifying your life choices to total strangers. Remove two stains in one go.
Why light pink? Because it matches her decor? Navy blue would be much more practical and not show stains. People have no common sense.
Please, BP, have some respect for yourselves and others. Please stop writing about tiktok videos. Tiktok gives impressionable people that watch them very bad ideas.
If the U.S. bans tiktok then BP won't have anything to write about, LOL!
Load More Replies... Why is this controversial? If the kid doesn't care, and they are clean, why would anyone else care?
As a teacher I don't mind clothes with obvious old stains. What I mind is lice, odour, sweat stains and grease hairs. I will always remember the time I gave a big fifth year a pack on the back and my hand stuck to his clothes...
Has anyone ever considered that putting some content out on the Internet is a Bad Idea? That it can make you look stupid/insane/horrible? That this can lead to the child being tormented at school and further in life? Some things should just stay private.
The older they get the less messy they become so it doesn't really matter. By the time.they get to the age that they actually care they won't have many stained clothes anyway
Stain? Pfft. Before age 13, I rarely had clothes that were new. Almost all my clothes had been handed-down multiple times ... and it didn't stop with me! My cousin got them when I was through. In junior high, most of my jeans and some of my shirts had iron-on patches to cover the holes we couldn't sew shut.
Kids are kids. If they decide someone is going to be their target, that's it. They'll find their target - stained clothes, new clothes, tomboy, princess, short hair, long hair, messy hair, flat hair, already developing in Grade 5, not developing by Grade 8, too smart, too stupid, too light too dark too different too boring too loud too quiet...... It doesn't matter. You raise your children to be confident in themselves, to do their personal best, and to let them know they are loved. They're *children* not your media profile photo.
Stains on knees, sleeves and fronts are all fine, but if it's clearly a potty accident stain, no way would I send my child anywhere like that. Most adults would never be seen with those stains (except those Walmart folks) so don't take your kid's dignity away by doing it.
Agreed, but the ones in the video are clearly from playing outside. Perfectly fine in my book, although I would probably try to buy darker colours where it's less noticeable. I'm in my thirties and would probably die of anxiety wearing that colour trousers...
Load More Replies... By all means let them play, let them make a mess, it's all part of being a kid and no,you don't need to throw them away every time, but why aren't you getting the stains out? Mud, water paints should all wash out. Any item that is impossibly stained becomes 'home play wear'. Is it one of those 30degree wash things? My mum used non bio Persil at 40degrees for the 5 of us had never sent one of us out 'stained'. I once dropped an entire palette of paint down a new dress she'd made for me to wear to school on my birthday. Came out from the twin tub with no trouble.
Also, laundry detergents have become so much better since the 1980s and 1990s. Adult me, having spent the entire day at class for a job degree, decided it was a good idea to get grass stains all over my good jeans playing with a friend's dog (I'm not at all used to spending a day sitting down, and the dog was very cute). Was a bit worried, because I was pretty broke at the time and couldn't afford a replacement, but it washed out perfectly fine on the first attempt without much effort, probably at 30 degrees because I hardly ever use anything else except for stuff like bedding and towels. So I am a bit surprised this lady has so much trouble.
Load More Replies... Depends on the location, type and size of the stains, I guess. Darker pants for playing are not a bad idea either!
Definitely. Camo would be even better, it all just becomes part of the pattern then!
Load More Replies... I have never heard that its unacceptable to wear stained clothes. Im an ADULT and ill wear lightly stained clothes depending on what its for and how strict the dress code is. Never questioned once abotr wearing stained clothes to school. None of the kids mentioned it because half of their wardrobe was also stained... it was just normal???
It is in the sense that it's hygienic and smells nice. Which is the important part.
Load More Replies... My child loved anything that would stain her clothes. I bought a variety of stain removers and used them to get rid of the stains. ThickTok is a stain on society. Wash your child’s clothes properly rather than posting stupid videos justifying your life choices to total strangers. Remove two stains in one go.
Why light pink? Because it matches her decor? Navy blue would be much more practical and not show stains. People have no common sense.
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