Kids Bummed Out They Weren’t Invited To “The Best B-Day Party Ever,” Their Moms Get Rowdy
It’s no secret that kids in school nowadays tend to deal with quite a lot of pressure. But so do their parents, despite their days of schooling being long gone.
This redditor felt peer pressure from other parents for not inviting her son’s entire class to his birthday party. Since money was tight, the OP decided to only invite five of his closest friends, but that left other kids, as well as their moms, quite unhappy, and the latter didn’t keep it to themselves.
Kids’ birthday parties tend to be quite costly
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
This mom couldn’t afford to invite her son’s entire class to his birthday, leaving some people quite unhappy
Image credits: Mental Health America (MHA) (not the actual photo)
Image source: randomness57317
While peer pressure can help one stay on track, more times than not it can also have a strong negative influence on them
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Few people are unbothered by peer pressure, which tends to accompany nearly every stage of a person’s life. In school, it’s fellow students that might make things needlessly more difficult, at work it’s often the co-workers who do, and if one becomes a parent, other parents might be quick to jump on the pressure bandwagon, as the OP’s example illustrates.
According to health psychologist Shilagh Mirgain, our peers—no matter the age—can be both a positive and a negative influence, depending on whether they are making sure that we’re sticking to our values, for instance, or holding us back instead of encouraging us.
“The metaphor I use is a crab in a bucket. Whenever one of the crabs tries to climb out and escape, the other crabs will grab hold and pull him back down,” Mirgain explained, discussing the latter scenario. “If we don’t know how to deal with the pressure, we can internalize it and self-sabotage by giving up our goals and reverting to old habits.”
Parenting can be stressful enough even without the pressure coming from other adults with children
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
Expecting their kids to be invited to every function is just one of the many examples of parental peer pressure adults might put on others with children. To make matters worse, it often starts within the very first months of someone becoming a mom or a dad, be it because of certain products—or lack thereof—they use with their newborn or how they choose to feed the little one.
Needless to say, the pressure others put on parents, in addition to that they often put on themselves, does more harm than good. Parenting can be—and is, in most cases—stressful enough as it is, and it’s no surprise that stress can take a toll on their mood, parenting behavior (consequently influencing the child’s development) and even their marital satisfaction.
According to Pew Research Center’s data, nearly one-in-three parents find their role stressful most or all of the time. While the majority of them say it’s rewarding and enjoyable, too, that does not mean that the stress, be it the daily hassles or pressure from other parents, affects their well-being any less.
For the OP, the moms in her son’s school seemingly became an additional source of stress, still existing even six months after the party. However, fellow redditors in the comments supported the mother and her effort in making sure her little one had a great time on his birthday.
The OP discussed the situation with fellow netizens in the comments, they didn’t think the mom did anything wrong
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This is crazy, the party is for a kid, not a class field trip. Inviting close friends is the right thing to do. Maybe it would be different if the entire class was invited except one child, but even then, it's the kid's birthday, invite who he wants within his parents' means. Great job mom for planning a kick a*s party.
Exactly! I got some really weird responses 25ish years ago when I sent out invites to my older son's birthday party saying "No presents". I'd arranged for all the kids to go to the snow, sledge, throw snowballs etc then back to mine for pizza and hot chips. I chucked all their wet clothes in the dryer and lit the fire for an in house pizze party. Not everyone can afford presents for every birthday their child is invited to. For me, personally, this was a way of including all the kids my son called friends.
Load More Replies... Kids are going to have to learn that the world does not always cater to their will. Sometimes you're just not part of a thing.
The thing is, children accept that more easily than their parents. No, your child isn't the centre of the universe and no, he/she isn't unique because there are many more like him/her. Yes, the rules apply to everyone, including your precious whatever. No, other children aren't obliged to invite your child to their party if they don't want to, It was OP's child's party; they decide who gets to be invited and she also deliverd the invitations at the home of the invited children.
Load More Replies...
Man, if this is what the parents are like, you can imagine how well their little hellions behave.
That's not excluding anyone. Excluding people would be inviting everyone but 3 kids or all the boys or girls except for 2-3. That's excluding someone. Unless there were only 7 kids in that class it's not excluding anyone.
My parents once said "Either you invite your whole class, or no one." That was the worst party I've ever had. The class bully broke one of my gifts in 5 MINUTES of me getting it, and later stole some of my candy. I haven't had a party since. (In our family either you get a party, or a present from the parents. Money is tight, it's fair, the party is our present.)
My daughter's school was like that. Invite all kids or invite just the girls or just the boys. We just invited a couple of neighbor kids and it was verbal invites at each other's houses.
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I have twins. Their birthday party is in 2 weeks. I've only invited the kids that we know personally (as in, I have their friend's mom's number in my phone, therefore invites are sent electronically and not for any other kids to see.) No party place can accommodate the amount of kids is 2 classes!
This is one of the things I hate about today's parenting. The entitlement. When I was a kid, you either got an invite or you didn't. And the parents didn't even know there was a party for them to stick their nose in.
While growing up, I NEVER heard about a birthday party where the whole class was invited. Granted, I’m 43 now… Is this indeed a recent trend?
Load More Replies...
I really liked OP's reply to one of the comments saying she doesn't watch television because ". . . the book addiction has me crippled."
I have a walk-in closet back at home that is ALL books (used to be the old house owner’s wine cellar.) I have 6 bookshelves full of books in the front room. I have boxes and boxes of books in the attic (and boxes of manga, too.) I LOVE books XD
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lmao! my son only gets to invite 2 kids, period. if any parent had something to say i would have told them to stuff it
I'd shame them by saying I didn't have the money to invite the whole class. Would you have paid for me?
She handled it exactly right. It's not OK to exclude a few kids out of the class, or to invite all the boys except for a couple . She invited a few of her kid's close friends. Tell the complaining moms, "Oh, my son doesn't play with your Johnny. Would you like to set up a play date so they could become friends???"
My mother, the school teacher, insisted we invite all the kids of our gender from our class to parties. She saw too much of this sort of thing with kids feeling rejected.
Once my kid starts to show an interest in specific friends, I would stop inviting or doing something for his entire class. By 8 years old kids should have a pretty established friend group. What do these mom's want, for their kids to still be invited to class parties at 13?? 18??? Those moms need to grow up.
This is crazy, the party is for a kid, not a class field trip. Inviting close friends is the right thing to do. Maybe it would be different if the entire class was invited except one child, but even then, it's the kid's birthday, invite who he wants within his parents' means. Great job mom for planning a kick a*s party.
Exactly! I got some really weird responses 25ish years ago when I sent out invites to my older son's birthday party saying "No presents". I'd arranged for all the kids to go to the snow, sledge, throw snowballs etc then back to mine for pizza and hot chips. I chucked all their wet clothes in the dryer and lit the fire for an in house pizze party. Not everyone can afford presents for every birthday their child is invited to. For me, personally, this was a way of including all the kids my son called friends.
Load More Replies... Kids are going to have to learn that the world does not always cater to their will. Sometimes you're just not part of a thing.
The thing is, children accept that more easily than their parents. No, your child isn't the centre of the universe and no, he/she isn't unique because there are many more like him/her. Yes, the rules apply to everyone, including your precious whatever. No, other children aren't obliged to invite your child to their party if they don't want to, It was OP's child's party; they decide who gets to be invited and she also deliverd the invitations at the home of the invited children.
Load More Replies... Man, if this is what the parents are like, you can imagine how well their little hellions behave.
That's not excluding anyone. Excluding people would be inviting everyone but 3 kids or all the boys or girls except for 2-3. That's excluding someone. Unless there were only 7 kids in that class it's not excluding anyone.
My parents once said "Either you invite your whole class, or no one." That was the worst party I've ever had. The class bully broke one of my gifts in 5 MINUTES of me getting it, and later stole some of my candy. I haven't had a party since. (In our family either you get a party, or a present from the parents. Money is tight, it's fair, the party is our present.)
My daughter's school was like that. Invite all kids or invite just the girls or just the boys. We just invited a couple of neighbor kids and it was verbal invites at each other's houses.
Load More Replies... I have twins. Their birthday party is in 2 weeks. I've only invited the kids that we know personally (as in, I have their friend's mom's number in my phone, therefore invites are sent electronically and not for any other kids to see.) No party place can accommodate the amount of kids is 2 classes!
This is one of the things I hate about today's parenting. The entitlement. When I was a kid, you either got an invite or you didn't. And the parents didn't even know there was a party for them to stick their nose in.
While growing up, I NEVER heard about a birthday party where the whole class was invited. Granted, I’m 43 now… Is this indeed a recent trend?
Load More Replies... I really liked OP's reply to one of the comments saying she doesn't watch television because ". . . the book addiction has me crippled."
I have a walk-in closet back at home that is ALL books (used to be the old house owner’s wine cellar.) I have 6 bookshelves full of books in the front room. I have boxes and boxes of books in the attic (and boxes of manga, too.) I LOVE books XD
Load More Replies... lmao! my son only gets to invite 2 kids, period. if any parent had something to say i would have told them to stuff it
I'd shame them by saying I didn't have the money to invite the whole class. Would you have paid for me?
She handled it exactly right. It's not OK to exclude a few kids out of the class, or to invite all the boys except for a couple . She invited a few of her kid's close friends. Tell the complaining moms, "Oh, my son doesn't play with your Johnny. Would you like to set up a play date so they could become friends???"
My mother, the school teacher, insisted we invite all the kids of our gender from our class to parties. She saw too much of this sort of thing with kids feeling rejected.
Once my kid starts to show an interest in specific friends, I would stop inviting or doing something for his entire class. By 8 years old kids should have a pretty established friend group. What do these mom's want, for their kids to still be invited to class parties at 13?? 18??? Those moms need to grow up.
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