I'm making a book; it's full of daft stuff like this. Some of it is mildly amusing, some of it is gently offensive, but by and large, I would describe this as a predominantly silly book.

The Kickstarter is currently underway. Ideally, they will be printed and delivered by Christmas this year, but I am having a baby in the intervening time, and frankly, I have no idea how my life is likely to be affected by this... (Sleepless nights and constant distractions can only improve productivity, right?)

Also, make sure to check out my previous post on Bored Panda by clicking here.

More info: Instagram | kickstarter.com

#1

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Shyla Bouche
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Clouds are beautiful. Bouche says they're too hard to pounce.

Grudge-holding Treefrog
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🎶 I’m just a little black rain cloud 🎶

brandyy17
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

dont forget one of the most common noises to put ppl to sleep

SkekVi
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, rainclouds as a sad time always confused me as a kid bc like... i grew up on an orchard, in the desert. rain was a good thing.

JD Cass
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've always been annoyed that so many song lyrics equivalate sunshine with happy and rain with sad. As a desert rat, too much sun is depressing.

Having a baby will probably result in either me taking another hiatus from making comics or a sudden deluge of comics about fatherhood and nothing in between… it’s hard to tell… Honestly, I have very little idea about what I’m getting myself into, I’ve talked to lots of friends who are dads and while they’ve all got advice, they all say you can’t really prepare because you can’t know who your child is going to be. Maybe I’ll get into audio books about some weird niche historical period and only do comics about that… Who knows!

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    #2

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    Shyla Bouche
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We're going to die either way. Life is terminal.

    Timbob
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your advice is a little late, if one is already in the wild, isn’t it ?

    Captain Newt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be honest, it is in the wild when I function the best.

    ChariotLee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't say our society is functional, but thanks for the tip.

    PunnyPanda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of Scared Squirrel books, lol

    #3

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    Why?
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "At one time, most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I've grown old, the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe."

    Outgraygeous
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really enjoyed watching this movie. Tom Hanks!!!

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    TailsFangirl03
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Has anyone found a will to live? I haven't seen mine for years.

    Singing Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They can't give it back, there's too many different people looking for it.

    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's not a thing you lose it's a practise.

    VonBlade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aha, the trick is to find new interests all the time, far outside your sphere of knowledge.

    The Kickstarter has been going great so far! It was fully funded in under 48 hours (WOOHOO!) so we’re now looking at stretch goals so I can add cool extras to the book (dust covers, fancy stitching, bookmarks and the like). You can still get a copy (or sign up for the scandalously sexy “Deluxe Package”) if you sign up before midnight, May 3rd. It’s all still been a nerve-wracking experience, you can’t know if it’s going to work out or not and I’m doing it on my own so both my boss and my staff are idiots!

    #4

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    Why?
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They met their match!

    Shyla Bouche
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They'll go out in a blaze of glory.

    Singing Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why did I think those were tampons-

    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    perfect zeitgeist of our times.

    Rodney McKay
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The match that burns half as long burns twice as bright.

    #5

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    the shrimp whisperer
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YES. THANK YOU. it's not art. it's about as claimable as the pretty pattern of leaves on the street. even if you planted the tree there, you didnt make the pattern and you cant claim it as yours.

    Remi (He/Him)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When an AI makes something fun for you, remember to effing tell where it came from. Using ai to imagine things, ok. using ai to imagine things and claiming you did them, not ok

    Robecca
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hah perfect anolgy.

    What sort of themes can you expect in the book? There’s quite a few gags about historical figures: I like making fun of people that take themselves too seriously and there’s plenty of them throughout history. Failure, depression, rejection, neurosis, all that fun stuff features pretty heavily… I use an old Kurt Vonnegut quote a lot “Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward”. Like Mr. Vonnegut, I like to avoid cleaning wherever possible. There’s a few science jokes scattered in there too but not particularly clever ones. I studied chemistry when I left school but dropped out pretty early (hence why the jokes aren’t all that clever!)

    #6

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    Why?
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ear today, gone tomorrow.

    #7

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    The book is dedicated to “my lovely wife”… she’s my rock and my sounding board (so my sounding rock?). She’s a woman of infinite patience and tremendous good humor, she can heal the sick and make the blind see again… okay, now I’m exaggerating… but she’s nice, I like her. I make a lot of bad jokes, I mean, a lot a lot… I mean, these are the ones I thought were good enough to write down, so you can only imagine how bad the ones I make every day to my wife are. I often say the key to a happy marriage is learning how to ignore each other!

    #8

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    Singing Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Arr matey! Some bountiful booty thar!!

    Peppy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There’s treasure in the trunk

    whatever
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I've heard of "butt-pirates" but this is ridiculous !

    #9

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    Val!
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Sponge Blob
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Except it's a total bs, they knew well enough where the heart was.

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    Tyler
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    According to Wikipedia, "Seppuku (切腹, 'cutting [the] belly'), also called hara-kiri (腹切り, lit. 'abdomen/belly cutting', a native Japanese kun reading), is a form of Japanese ritualistic suicide by disembowelment"

    Kealeboga Petsanyane
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Spilling my guts to Takeshi about the absurdity of tradition...

    I’m a big advocate of pen and paper, though I recently bought myself an iPad and Apple Pen. My review: Like a pencil and paper but not as good and constantly needs charged. Though I have discovered one major upside to drawing digitally: animation. I use Procreate and someone recently showed me how you can use it to animate and, wow, it is fantastic. “Learn to animate” has been on my To Do list for, no joke, 15 years or so and in the past month I have suddenly and inexplicably found the time and energy to do it. I guess it’s probably because I had other more important things I didn’t want to do. Honestly, I don’t think I would ever do anything if I wasn’t avoiding something more important…

    TLDR: buy my book, I have mouths to feed!

    #11

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    Beeps
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need to go home and change out of my khaki pants.

    Onion Patch Petunia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bathroom humor is a total---excuse me I just wet myself

    #12

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    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just don't fight science, folks. Science isn't a belief. It's the method for figuring out what's what.

    Rwby Couch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a Christian. I don't get people who ignore science. Science helps us figure out more about EVERYTHING. Ignoring it all together is ridiculous. For example, HOW could the earth be only a couple thousand years old? It makes no sense to me.(Think about the dinosaurs, or cavemen, for example)We as humans have a natural instinct to figure out how everything works, which is why science is SO important. Why NOT try and figure out how everything works? What's wrong with that?

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    Markus Weiler
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a right to my superstitions

    Nina
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The censoring at BP is hillarious stuuuuupiiid .... 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ It's not possible to really read some posts ... 👎👎👎

    JD Cass
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is pretty fúcking ri-D**K-ulous what A*S-inine things (like medical terms, people named W***y and other $hit) that are censored. And what dumbass upsidedown-calculator-spelling juvenile hijinks we've gotta pull just to be able to use our fücking adult words.

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    #13

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    David Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    give this to your enemy now

    Waffles
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is something I would give my best friend. we do stuff like this all the time I'm not an a*shole

    LadyJaye
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need this card for my parents

    #14

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    Jack Harris
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cut the snake some slack! You try talking with your tail in your mouth. /s

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    TotallyNOTaFox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Too late poor Ouroboros, way too late...

    Jake Lewis
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never understood this symbol. You can only eat yourself for so long.

    Heidi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Give him a break on spelling it's impressive AF that snakes can even write at all

    #15

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    VonBlade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And not being satisfied with the 'Sky Wizard' explanation.

    Hutt'nKloas
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another day at the funny farm....................that's why I love the job

    That emo Girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Answer: It's some fücking bullshït, ofc

    #16

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    VonBlade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Praise be to Anoia, goddess of things stuck in drawers that stop you opening them.

    setsuriseikou
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Praise be! *rigorously rattles all the drawers in the house*

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    Heather Vandegrift
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Forgot the dead batteries and ALL the rubber bands in the universe

    kenzieve
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    does anyone else call that the junk drawer or is that something I just grew up with

    William Walsh
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When putting things "away" means putting things where you don't see them.

    Markus Weiler
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    the folder with all the prejudices is missing...

    LadyJaye
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Old paper,dirty clothes and dead bodies... all in my messy drawer (JK lol)

    #17

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    Samuel Pelatan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I fear no man, but the heat death of the universe... It scares me

    Marek Čtrnáct
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, it's actually something of a misnomer. There will be no heat involved. Just cold. Eternal, unchanging cold.

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    Remi (He/Him)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let's not talk about the true vacuum theory. I've lost enough sleep to that one already

    Stardust she/her
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like true vacuum theory, it means that nothing matters and that I’m free to do whatever I want

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    mooshoflove
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read, "cosmetology," at first! Thinking, "this might be too deep for me.. what does it have to do with haircuts?" Lol

    #18

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    #19

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    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    we need more songs that are just 'take 'em for a walk, clarence' and then a guy with a clarinet goes INSANE for the next eight minutes.

    #20

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    VonBlade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Live slowly, die eventually, leave an indifferent corpse.

    Christof Irran
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Makes no sense. In order to live fast you have to go slower and increase in length. The faster you go the slower you live (i.e. time slows down) and your length decreases.

    That emo Girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My science brain is whirring around this one

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    #23

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    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    what exhaustion these are from allergies XD

    Robecca
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now even the face in the mirror mocks me

    #24

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    Heather Vandegrift
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "It's your count that votes" 😂

    pov
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "black death:1346's sexiest plague"

    izuku midoriya
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    why is there a porn site like uh busty milk maids am i the only one who noticed that there's a porn site it's vary visible

    #25

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    Beeps
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bahai would have been easier to spell than Zoroastrianism.

    Hutt'nKloas
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    @ Beeps: It aint the same though: However Zoroastrianism is recognized in the Baháʼí Faith as one of nine known religions.

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    #26

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    David Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you have gotten a degree in dissapointed perso

    Nonna_SoF
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also you destroyed your joints.

    #27

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    David Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    why do the humans look like foldable chairs

    Rats Inc
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do not know but it adds character:)

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    Phase9.ka
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I can worry for free food, I'm set for life

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    #28

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    Stardust she/her
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz when he says to Perry, “Your timing is impeccable and by that I mean completely peccable”

    Robecca
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thats me at work lol

    #29

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    Klondike Penguin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eleventh commandment: Thou who smelt it, dealt it.

    LadyJaye
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Somthing about coveting stuff" lol

    Nonna_SoF
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The one commandment: "God needs booze."

    P.C.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The first one isn’t about murder T-T the first three are about God. Thought I’d mention that since the quality should decline, but if it was on purpose ok ig

    #30

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    Curly Q
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WHY DOES THE SNAIL HAVE HAIR I NEED ANSWERS

    Noah Neidlinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    when me seeing things when I am tired

    Timbob
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your original statement is correct on both counts !

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    #32

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    David Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i think he has done all of theese no facial fetaures is the face of a guilty man

    #33

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    Curly Q
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is it just me or do we wanna see a juicy little booty on the folding chair people

    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    sorry to say that suffering from apathy is a type of clinical depression.

    #34

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    David Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    UP VOTING YOURSELF IS OVERATED UP VOTING YOURSELF IS OVERATED UP VOTING YOURSELF IS OVERATED UP VOTING YOURSELF IS OVERATED UP VOTING YOURSELF IS OVERATED UP VOTING YOURSELF IS OVERATED UP VOTING YOURSELF IS OVERATED UP VOTING YOURSELF IS OVERATED

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    LadyJaye
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    TBH, I'm not afraid to die. It happens to everybody, and when I die, I'll be reincarnated or go back to the universe. It's that simple.

    Remi (He/Him)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to be afraid of death, mostly because early in life I used to think I have eternal life a'la heaven or heck. Then I realized it was bs and got scared because I thought an end to the alive experience would be the end of me. Took me years to understand that sometimes things end and it's not a bad thing unless you die before your time