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As a woman, you sometimes notice how some people don’t get it. You just don’t approach a woman pumping gas at a station minding her business, especially when its dark. Similarly, you never try to pick up a woman at a gym who’s clearly busy exercising.
And in any occasion, you do not expect an explanation why a woman doesn’t want to talk to you. There’s no ‘why’ and ‘how,’ because every individual has a right to ‘just be’ and to keep to themselves ‘just because.’
Frustratingly, not everyone realizes that. Recently, Redditor Metallicmuffin asked women “What things do men do that frighten you without them even realizing it?” and the thread hit close to home for many people. The stories started rolling in, each one more eyebrow-raising than the one before it, making the thread go viral with 35.6k upvotes and 16.3k comments.
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#1
Standing too close. How do you know if it's too close? I'll back up half a step, DON'T match it.
Something 3 years ago
In general, different people have different comfortable distances (often based on the culture they come from), and if someone subtly moves away from you, it's usually because you're in their space.
Charles Williams 3 years ago
Exactly. This is silly to include. I've had women step closer to me after I back up a step. Does that mean that they were being creeps? No, it means that they come from a different culture and didn't know different.
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
You know, just be respectful of someone’s space. If they indicate you can come closer, cool. If they step back and/or tell you point blank that you’re too close and to back off, then f*****g do it! If you don’t want to be made uncomfortable, including being called out loudly and in public, then FFS don’t make other people uncomfortable.
GenericPanda09 3 years ago
I hate people thinking it's ok to get into my personal space... of either gender, obviously men doing are more of a physical threat and get treated accordingly but the sheer amount of women that think it's ok to come up and rub my shaved head or touch my fluffy beard is definitely not ok with me.
Darcy Marie 3 years ago
I love petting beards but it's only people i know and i always ask (i swear it's less creepy than it sounds. My friend has a but bushy beard and i asked once if i could feel it and he laughed and said yes and now every time he sees me he's like PET MY BEARD. And i do. And he lets me braid it.)
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will bower 3 years ago
Men do that to men as well. Its an alpha male thing and f*****g annoying. So I can understand why people find it threatening
Shayda 3 years ago
A guy did that to me once. I was sitting in a chair (in the library reading a book) and he just started talking to me. I kept my book open, was constantly looking around or down at my book, and I even scooted over and turned my knees away from him to the empty couch next to me. He literally got up and sat in the empty chair, he even scooted it closer. I just told him I had to leave for an appointment (which wasn't true). Girl can't even read a damn book at the library.
Lousha 3 years ago
I had a university teacher meet me in the hallway before an exam. We chatted a bit, then suddenly he said "how pretty!", and launched his hand toward my tits. He stopped the movement a moment later when he realised what he was doing, and I just had enough time to stop my hand that was coming up for a slap. He awkwardly added, " I've never seen such a lovely medallion before!". He wanted to touch my moonstone medallion... He was a grown family man, a university teacher, and still did not know better than to (at least initially) try and touch someone else's stuff, much less stuff on their body. Yes he realised his brain fart and we both pretended like nothing happened. But man...
One Redditor who goes by the nickname Several-Stable-9051 shared how “wanting to take me somewhere isolated to be just the two of us on the first date” makes her feel very uncomfortable. In a post shared in response to this bread, the woman wrote: “It’s okay if we’ve been hanging out for a while, but not if it’s the first time I see you in person. Whenever this happens I come up with an excuse not to go. I just don’t feel safe since I barely know the other person, but the worst part is when they try so hard to convince me to go with them.”
RELATED:
#2
Demanding justification for every no, and when it's given, arguing about how my reasons aren't valid.
Powerful Katrinka 3 years ago
I know that this has been mentioned before in BP, but movies have not helped this situation. Think of how many films you've seen in which the man follows, pesters, brings "gifts" to a woman who has turned him down. And unlike in real life, (and usually in the last third of the movie,) the woman suddenly changes her mind and realizes that she has been in love with the guy all along. These movies reinforce the idea that not taking no for an answer is somehow romantic.
Anna Banana 3 years ago
Sometimes I'll add "Because I don't want to" and I honestly don't understand why some people still don't accept it as a reason and keep asking "why"...
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Lainie 3 years ago
Sometimes, I get them even the feedback. The last freaky guy said to me (after that feedback he asked me for) that I wasn't acting normal and I wasn't adapted for civilization. (I told him that I had a boyfriend waiting for me at home (a lie) and that I was 100% sure that my boyfriend wouldn't like me to bring with me a strange man who would like to meet a guy who would let his girlfriend be a ballerina. (a man was waiting for me outside the dressing room, and we have already seen him several times in the audience for the duration of our rehearsals. The first question he addressed me in private was: "I expected you to come out of the dressing room in heels and a dress." It was snowing outside, and I've been training on plaster points all day. I had a fur coat, a wool hat with hanging ears and a long scarf in which I got lost. I don't think my ankle boots were the sexy prop he'd hoped for either. I said I had a boyfriend before he decided to wait for me, of course. So I'm the one who's a misfit for society, not him. 😵💫
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pink_panda 3 years ago
If someone says "no," it means they're not feeling it. End of story. Let. It. Go.
Liv 3 years ago (edited)
I'm afraid of a Uber/Bolt driver. Keeps insisting in giving him a chance, going for a coffee, etc. I already explained him No, I don't wish to. Yes, I am fearful (as he knows where I live and is constantly surrounding the place - could also live close by, who knows ...). He acts like me saying No is not reasonable, he says he doesn't understand it, maybe because I was so nice and friendly since our first trip (as I am with everybody else). He could even be a nice person, but his attitude, his blind insistence (and not taking a No, and knowing where I live) makes me now afraid to leave the house by myself, especially in the hours when the streets are more empty. And of course I rarely order a ride now (and will cancel it immediately when I see his name). I wish I could block some drivers from my future trips :/
#3
Not taking no for an answer. Especially when they pretend to be jokey about it but you can clearly tell they’re kind of pissed…if that makes sense.
Jan Eivroc 3 years ago
I hope they understand that the word 'no' in itself is a complete sentence.
Julie C Rose 3 years ago
The fact that they aren’t accepting ANY kind of “no” is OP’s whole point.
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Christina Gomez 3 years ago
Oh Lord, this. When I was younger and turned a guy down nicely, they keep trying until they realized it wasn't going happen. Then I was a b***h for "taking advantage of them" even they said they were ok with just being friends. I often offered to pay my own way, sometimes insisting multiple times. I'm a lot more straight forward now, and get called a b***h for not giving them a chance.
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Hooked 3 years ago (edited)
I'm kinda experiencing this at the moment. After being single for 8 years, and children all grown up and on their own, I entered the world of (online) dating again. If a guy I'm chatting/(video) calling with, keeps making these sexually suggestive comments, how little and "innocent" they might be, I don't feel comfortable to meet them f2f anymore. I always state in the chats, in a very early fase, that I prefer to discuss these subjects later on, at least after we met IRL, but not at the beginning of the contact, but they do it anyway. I've never been a prude, or afraid to join in on those conversations before but lately it makes me very very uncomfortable. Why is it so hard for them to NOT make these remarks until we have established some sort of connection other than random chatting ? EDIT : typo
JB 3 years ago
Boundaries! You set them, he’s crossed them. You don’t have to chat with anyone who makes you uncomfortable (except your kids if they’re being daft 😉).
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Who Panda 420 3 years ago
I have had more than one creep when I told them I have a boyfriend they said to me so what does your boyfriend have to do with me and you? What kind of creepy person says that and I swear I've been told that by at least four people.
Lainie 3 years ago
Yuck, can confirm that. What is wrong with them? That excuse was always safe for me otherwise. It's like they don't get it anymore.
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Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
Even with a smile and acting aloof about it, when I say "no," it's because I mean it. If I say it with a smile, it means I'm trying to not sound mean about it. That was not respected before. From now on, being alive and unhurt is better than being polite. Screw it if they get pissed. The alternatives are much worse. I've had more than one guy hear "no" and took it as a challenge.
Ian Bartels 3 years ago
I hate that this happens to women. Every guy is going to get denied at some point (accept maybe Duke Hill) and that's fine! I've never understood why guys think that it's going to work by starting off a date by being pushy.
Lonely Tentacle 3 years ago (edited)
Can we just talk about how "no" has different forms as well? Because some people might understand a very clear "no", but not other forms of it, like "I'm not interested", or "stop", or even polite Nos, like "No thank you", sometimes you just have to be rude with your no to get it acknowledged, and it's really tiring. Saying no shouldn't have to be THAT draining...
We reached out to Several-Stable-9051 who shared some insights into what men’s behavior makes her and fellow women feel vulnerable, threatened, and uncomfortable. “Being in an isolated place with someone you see for the first time is very risky for your own safety. You can chat with that person and think, from the way that they text you, that they’re the sweetest and kindest soul you’ve ever met. However, in real life, they might unexpectedly turn out to be a dangerous and frightening person.”
#4
Joking about r*pe. Just makes me think you have r*pe on the brain. I met a couple dudes at a bar who invited me and my friend to a party they were headed to. We were trying to find a polite way to turn them down when one said, "Don't worry, we're not going to r*pe you. Ha, ha!" We turned him down flat, and not kindly (thankfully we were next to the bouncer) and his friend said, "dude! What the f**k is wrong with you?!" My question too.
Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
If you're NOT going to rape us, then why are you even thinking about it? Let alone be brain dead enough to think making a joke about it is some how endearing?
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
That would’ve been my question to the a*****e too. WTF is wrong with you?
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
Anyone (men or women) who joke about rape immediately lose points in my eyes. And then when someone is obviously not cool with those jokes and they say "I'm sorry you had such a bad reaction to my joke," so they don't actually take responsibility for saying it.
Johanna 3 years ago (edited)
The boys in my school (6th grade) always yell in the middle of class that another guy is raping them or even another woman is going to rape them, makes me want to punch something
Nowyermad 3 years ago
I did this. Met a woman in a bar, we went to my place. Things were progressing and then she pulled back. I said it was fine if she didn't want to do anything and that I wasn't going to rape her. I don't remember her name or even what she looked like, but I do remember the look of fear in her eyes and the instant chill in the room. This was in the '90s and I still think about it. It was such a horrible thing to say.
Theresa Pierson 3 years ago
At least you realized your error, and never do it again.
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Pam Derck 3 years ago
I went on a date with someone who had self-published a book and gave me a copy on the first date, which I thought was pretty cool. Until about page 10 when, for maybe the fourth time, he wrote that people were looking at the main character "as if he had raped someone." There was no second date.
#5
Pushing my wheelchair to "help" me and be a "gentleman". You're literally abducting me - it's no different from my perspective that you picking up an able-bodied woman and running off with her.
kath morgan 3 years ago
Is it so hard to ASK if someone needs a hand before grabbing something?
Emiloy 3 years ago (edited)
It happens all the time and I don’t think people even think it through. They make the assumption that we *must* need help and feel an obligation to do something, then just do it without asking. It’s almost automatic. In these cases I’m sure intentions are mostly good, and it doesn’t occur to them how scary or dangerous it is for us to be moved without consent, or not listened to when we say no (which is why I’m so glad every time I see this mentioned online for people to learn). [edited- left out a word]
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Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
Even when I’m working in my hospital, I ask people if they want help before I reach to help. Basics of respecting peoples’ autonomy.
Celeste Grant 3 years ago
This happens all the time; I know people are well meaning but please just ask. Also be aware thatI might not a man, but prefer to ask a woman as a man may take it as a come on... it's not, I just need help that second!
Ruby Serene 3 years ago (edited)
I never thought about it like that before, but that's terrifying. Thankfully I also have never done this to anyone and know to ask before touching other people's things.
Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
I ask if they need a spotter. Nearby if you need me, won't help unless asked.
Shyla Clay 3 years ago
Good explanation. When I was in a wheelchair, so many people would just grab at it.
#6
Going to the bar to get you a drink without you there to watch the bartender pour it. If I don't know you well, I won't accept a drink from your hands... Ever. Straight from the bartender to me.
Jason Melvil 3 years ago
It's absolutely disgusting that women have to think like that. 100% understandable considering the creeps out there. Just horrible that the situation even exists.
Lainie 3 years ago
Not just women. I have a sick story which includes 2 too naïve men, and one woman (for the start, it was only one). Disgusting and crazy cruel and dangerous.
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Giles McArdell 3 years ago
This sort of sh1t makes me ashamed to be included in the male gender. WTF is wrong with these people, get some bloody self control and treat others with a little respect.
Notyomama 3 years ago
I was drugged by the bartender. Luckily, my husband was there to pull me out.
PC 3 years ago
It's really sad you need a man to protect you regardless of the situation.
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Molly Whuppie 3 years ago
And even then... you keep an eye on the bartender too. Bartenders are not magically safe because they stand behind the bar. Keep an eye on anyone that handles your drink, male or female.
Cara G 3 years ago
This. Sometimes the bartender is the one spiking drinks themselves and sometimes they will work in cahoots with their patrons/friends. Watch the drink being made or order a beer.
Load More Replies... Justin Trouble 3 years ago
It's a shame that this is even a situation that one has to think about, there are way too many scummy people out there. I saw somewhere else on BP that there is a nail polish that changes color if drugs are present in drinks.
Craig Staley 3 years ago
Unfortunately, that nail polish never went into production.
Load More Replies... BadCat 3 years ago
I've had men buy me drinks without coming up to introduce me or talk to me. The bar staff are great. They just bring me the drink, tell me who paid for it and ask if I want them to thank the dude for me. This has only happened maybe once or twice in all the years of going to a bar.
Tree Of Rage 3 years ago
I think people like to roofie random drinks because my parents have been roofied, my grandma was, my cousin was, and noone tried to do anything creepy, they just had to stumble home.
Chez MacLe 11 months ago (edited)
I’ve been drugged as a man by a woman, so yes, this makes complete sense. People all in all are not having the best intentions, especially with strangers in a bar situation.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
My male friend got roofied by total accident before. The drink was meant for one of his girl friends, and he took it by mistake. Woke up the next morning in a place he didn't know. Nothing bad happened to him, and I think they may have caught the person responsible, so that's good
This is because social media doesn’t represent reality, Several-Stable-9051 argues. “Very often we hear on the news hundreds of stories about people getting beaten, robbed, kidnapped, raped or even killed by someone they knew online and thought to be trustworthy,” she explained and added that “sadly, the majority of these victims are women.”
#7
Oh god I had one of these guys, he “opened” the train door for me to get off (it opens automatically) and so I said “thanks”. Apparently he took that as an invitation, because he then followed me through the station trying to talk to me. I was polite but dismissive. He was creeping me out so I stopped to top up my metro card even though I didn’t need to. He stopped and waited for me. I pretended I didn’t see him.
He then followed me out of the station asking me where I lived (I lied) and then asked me if I had a boyfriend (I said yes). He then asked if I had Facebook (I didn’t answer) and then asked me if my boyfriend had my Facebook password?? He then told me “you don’t need to be scared of me, I just want to be friends.”
By this stage I was fully freaked and was texting my boyfriend about it. I didn’t want to go to my bus stop in case he followed me home, so I walked to the most populated street I could find, still ignoring him while he followed me. Eventually I went into a supermarket and thankfully lost him.
I have never spoken to a man on a train or at a station ever again. I don’t even make eye contact.
The Other Guest 3 years ago
Presuming a) you know where it is and b) it's actually within walking distance.
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Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
One woman said she starts barking at creepy guys when they don't leave her alone.
Wonderful 3 years ago
A friend of mine will start scratching her crotch. Not just a little scratch more like "Omg crabs are crawling out of my vagina!" Scratching. She likes to "play crazy" if someone is bugging her. It works. We were at a bar one night and a guy kept bugging us so she started in on scratching herself then started scratching me then I started scratching. Guy was completely flustered and left the bar. I message her sometimes with itchy pictures. It's genius lol
Load More Replies... Lost Panda 3 years ago
There was a man on tik tok or something who made a video for woman to play in situations like this that appeared as though he was FaceTiming them and talking about seeing him soon, it was quite well done, wish I could remember where to find it but perhaps people could make their own anyway
Ele V 3 years ago (edited)
That's an perfect example of how wrong the society is when teaching girls about life:YOU ARE NOT OBLIGED TO BE POLITE TO ANYONE WHO YOU DON'T WANT TO BE. We have to teach our girls better that what we were taught. Ps in no way I'm blaming whoever is polite to avoid uncomfortable situations. I've done it myself thousands of times.And there was a point where I realised men are not taught that they have to be polite and nice to everyone or else they'd be called a b***h
SCP-3998 3 years ago
Had something similar happen to me. Went grocery shopping, was only a few blocks away from home and a nice summer day so I walked. Popped my headphones in and was heading home with my bags. As I get a few doors down, I take my headphones out and keys, and that's when I hear it. Some dude was running after me, and i thought, at first, one of my bags maybe split and they were trying to tell me. That wasnt it. This guy FOLLOWED ME from the grocery to my house, to try and pick me up. He followed me up to my fücking door(because I had no where else to go at this point), and began asking about if I had a BF, which I did, if I was happy and he treated me right, that he could do a better job, etc. I shook him off when another resident came out of the building, my across the hall neighbor who looked like the angriest biker ever(but was the sweetest dad to his baby girl), he thankfully helped me get the point across to this "gentleman". Following strangers home is NOT OK
CatWoman312 3 years ago
There’s guys out there who defend this behavior. I don’t understand why it’s hard to comprehend why this isn’t okay, ever.
Sarah 3 years ago
This reminds me when I was coming home on the train after a late flight. Some guy started talking to me, asking me what my name was, where was I going, where did I live etc. I didn't tell him any truths and only gave short dismissive answers but afterwards he told me he would walk me home. Thankfully my boyfriend was coming to pick me up and I told him this. When we arrived at the station, he walked next to me until I was with my boyfriend. I actually don't know what I would've done if my boyfriend wasn't coming, probably gone into the toilets and asked another woman to come with me...
Stephanie Goadsby 3 years ago
Never trap yourself by going to the toilet. Always stay in a crowded public place and find an authority figure. Ideally law enforcement, an employee can help, or get in a cab as they can immediately alert law enforcement.
Load More Replies... Lene 3 years ago
I tried something simillar. At a train station a guy sat next to me on a bench and started to mumble stuff to me that I think was about how he wanted to f*** me and he loved me and so on. I noticed he had red eyes and asked him if he was ok (he was probably high on drugs). I then started to leave to catch my bus but he followed me. Tried to loudly tell him to back off and leave me alone in the hopes that someone would come to help me. Nobody did. I ended up running into a little shop at the train station, asking them to get the guards to take him away. But the woman in the shop said the guards didn't come until 10 am so instead she got this HUGE colleague of hers to throw the man out on the street while I ran to my bus. And I cried and ended up having my bf come and get me at the internship-place I was at. I was so scared by this guy!
Lousha 3 years ago
Empowerment is great. Safety is even greater. What he deserves is not my priority, getting home alive is. If I'm agressive, I'm escalating the situation. And these situations usually occur when there are noone around. And even if there are, most people will ignore the call for help. I've been harassed and groped on public transport as a young woman, and lots of grown men and women around did not give a flying fox, even though most probably had similar aged kids. The driver also ignored me. Had sketchy guys trying to engage me on the bus later in life, and my stop was in a remote area. If I get off and he does too, I'm alone with him. So if I'm agressive, and I don't have enough body strength to match his in case things escalate, I'm in deep s***.
Load More Replies... #8
Blocking the doorway - especially during an argument. Ex did that and would make himself bigger (spreading his arms etc) so I couldn’t leave the room.
Brian Dean 3 years ago
Technically, in many states it is a crime. Unlawfully detainment, it is a felony, 1 step below kidnaping.
Load More Replies... JB 3 years ago (edited)
I tried to think when my ex would do this that he was “just trying to keep me there” to finish the ‘conversation’ or make his point. Then he body-slammed me to the ground and ripped my car keys from my hand, cutting me in the process, one time I tried to leave the house. I now believe this type of behaviour is deliberate intimidation.
Ladybug 3 years ago
I'm sorry, that sounds terrifying! I'm glad that your not together anymore. I would not know what to do in that situation :(
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Ezigma 3 years ago
I had an ex do that once, he kept me in there for 4 hours. I even tried to climb out the window.
Lainie 3 years ago
I'm sorry, but your last sentence came so suddenly that I burst out laughing. I believe the situation wasn't funny at all. :(
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StormWolf 3 years ago
Lmao, a guy I was seeing did this all the time. Me: 5'1" 110lbs. Him: 6'2" 260lbs. Last time he blocked my exit I grabbed his hand and slowly bent his middle finger back (the aim was to hurt and scare, not to break bones) and it worked a treat. I realised I'd gotten the upper hand (sorry) when he squeaked the word "...mommmmmy". You def had to be there but seeing this aggressive, sadistic hairy giant yell for his mother as he encountered one of the rare people in his life who wouldn't be his victim was *chef's kiss*
Lost Panda 3 years ago
Based on my work I was trained many years ago to never have someone or something between myself and the door, nows it's just second nature and I automatically position myself with an escape route, not due to fear just because that's what I'm used to
Gemma jones 3 years ago
my ex did that, i said youre pushing me back theres only on way i can go, so he wouldnt move all threatening an stuff so i belted him, got out
Groundcontroltomajortom 3 years ago
Yes! I always need an escape route and feel so horribly trapped and panicked of I can't get out of a situation, though that's irregardless of who it is.
#9
I was late getting my driver’s license and hired a professional driving instructor to help me learn to drive. He was a guy about my age and he was openly hitting on me. It was so uncomfortable. It was just us in the car and I was in such a vulnerable position as a novice driver depending on him for support. I didn’t want him to think I was interested but I also was terrified to be rude to him because he was in control. It was a terrible experience and actually set me back several more years from driver training. Just need to add as well, since there are presumably men here reading to learn what not to do: learn how to notice hesitation. You’ll never understand the intense pressure to be nice, polite, and even feign some form of interest as a method of self-preservation. It is a survival tactic and it works, just about all of us have gotten out of a volatile situation this way. If a woman is avoiding eye contact, seems to hesitate to answer (especially personal questions), or is agreeing with you a lot without attempting to carry the conversation, she is hoping you’ll leave her alone. Interested women make eye contact, share willingly, and try to joke around or otherwise show their personality. If you’re not sure, tell her you’re going to another location in whatever establishment you’re in (“I’m going to grab a drink/go outside for a smoke/go back to my table”) and invite her to join you. If she comes along, green light. If she takes the out and makes an excuse to leave, you have your answer.
BannedFromABoatShow 3 years ago
I just can’t believe this needs to be explained. But boy does it.
Tracy Wallick 3 years ago
There are countless news articles about men who have assaulted, raped and even murdered women for telling them 'no', and we have no idea if the guy talking to us is going to be that psycho.
Sasha Fisher 3 years ago
this happened to me as well, he even touched my face the very first time I ever drove on the highway and kept the temperature cold and when I asked to turn off the AC he told me to take off my jacket or sweater. Thankfully I was in my 20s but I reported him because I know there are 16 year old girls learning to drive and that's already such a vulnerable position to be in.
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
What really needs to change is the conditioning. I’ve never understood the no matter what be polite method, it just drags it on. I’ve found blunt is best.
LilliVB 3 years ago (edited)
Me too. I'm generally a polite person with everyone, I don't think rudeness should be something to be proud of. But if someone is making me uncomfortable, I bluntly point it out. At first, I'm doing it in a direct but polite way. If it doesn't work, f*****k the polite method. I'm going to tell them that they are behaving like massive j e r k s and that it's better if they go to f*****k themselves. Better be considered a b i t c h than being uncomfortable around someone.
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
Men in a position of authority where his judgement is affecting you should know better. You should have reported him to a supervisor.
Stace Kemp 3 years ago
Or even straight out ask. "Are you interested in a conversation with me, or am I wasting my time?"
Alana Voeks 3 years ago (edited)
I thought my understanding of social cues was bad, yeesh. Guess that happens when you're told you can "have everything" and aren't punished for being an a*s as a child. (Or are punished too much.)
According to Several-Stable-9051, if she goes somewhere isolated with someone she doesn’t know personally, the chances of getting rescued if something happens are very low. Therefore, as a woman, she feels comfortable in public areas, like bars, “where everyone can hear me and come rescue me in case I need help.”
She also shared a couple of other men’s behavior that makes her very uncomfortable and violated, especially when dating. “Speaking from my own experience, something that makes me really uncomfortable is when the other person tries to touch me without my consent, like rubbing their hands on my thighs or putting their hands on my waist and not removing them even though they notice I’m getting really uncomfortable.”
#10
The way a guy talks about a woman he doesn't find attractive is so unbelievably revealing about who they are as a person. I've been able to witness some of these conversations as I lived with a guy who was like this and it both frightened me and saddened me. Just because someone is not desirable to you, it does not make them less of a human being. They are as deserving of respect as everyone else.
Something 3 years ago
Someone who doesn't respect anyone they're not attracted to doesn't respect the people they're attracted to either.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
They’re also setting themselves up to be in a world of s**t when their BOSS, or even the CEO of the company, is a woman they’re not attracted to, who reads or overhears him talking about her like that. Some guys like this grow TF up quickly and learn from it. Others just burn through jobs doing the same thing, then have the gall to blame it on women being promoted and abusing their power. Like WTF? Talk about blaming the victim, a*****e.
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
ooooo this is so true. This happened to me once at a bar. My friend is gorgeous and I am...not. So I was used to guys hitting on her when we'd go to bars. One time, 1 guy knew her came to sit at our booth with 4 or 5 of his friends and they were all flirting with her. I'm just sitting there watching like they're animals in a David Attenborough documentary. She gets up to use the bathroom and I stayed, and they started talking about what a hot a*s she had and it was pretty gross. Like... i'm right here do you think i'm not going to tell her? If they don't see you as sexual, they let go of the politeness and fakeness they extend to pretty girls. They also bought her a drink and not me. That's happened before, too, and she always would say something but at one point I told her not to. I don't want anything from them, really. Especially not just to get on her good side. It wasn't always like this, a generally guys were pretty nice to both of us, but that one time really stood out.
David Force 3 years ago (edited)
I just stopped myself from doing this. A very pretty young woman started talking to me and asking me about myself. She was with another girl who turned out to be her sister who was older, very quiet and overweight. It was like she was invisible and it felt wrong because it was wrong that she was being ignored. I was immediately ashamed of myself and started talking to her and asking about her life and career. She was sweet and a super nice person and I enjoyed talking to her. I need to be more aware in the future. When we know better we do better and now that I realize it I’ll be more mindful.
Darcy Marie 3 years ago
@ all the guys in my DMs begging for nudes then calling me a fat ugly s**t when i say no.
Load More Replies... Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
You can also tell ALOT about a person by how they talk/treat/react to an animal. If tour out walking your dog or at dog part etc..your dog will notify you if the guy is a creeper
Tomas Florez 3 years ago
I believe this goes both ways. I work with mainly women and the things they say about guys they don't find desirable is down right appalling. Everyone has feelings guy or girl. Treat all with respect.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
I know I've heard men like have you seen yourself lately and how you talk is awful
#11
Not going away when I have made it abundantly clear that I am not interested.
Jan Eivroc 3 years ago
My experience was the person didn't just not go way. He literally chased me wherever I go that it gave me a panic attack.
Lost Panda 3 years ago
These are the "but I'm actually a really nice guy, woman choose bad boys over me" type. Nothing nice about them, you're single because you're a creep mate, not because woman prefer "bad boys"
The Other Guest 3 years ago
Yup. Men, if you have to tell someone you're a nice guy, then you're not a nice guy.
Load More Replies... Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
This has happened to me with a few ex’s. I just keep repeating myself till it sinks in. Eventually it does.
Kathleen Suileabháin 3 years ago
I started saying, “Can we skip to the end part where you call me an ugly fat b***h and walk away already?”
Natalie Kirman 2 years ago
I had to bark at a man at a bus stop who wouldn't take no for an answer. He would not leave me alone even after I repeatedly politely asked him to. Then he said I should be grateful and take any offer I can get because no other man would want me (I am fat), and still refused to go, so I started barking in his face and he was so creeped out, he left.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
"I have a gun in my closet and will use it." I do, and I would. And I would say it with the most monotone, straight face ever.
Chris M 3 years ago
I'm not quite sure what your point is, but I'm pretty sure it's misogynistic.
Load More Replies... #12
Wanting to take me somewhere isolated to be just the two of us on the first date. It’s okay if we’ve been hanging out for a while, but not if it’s the first time I see you in person. Whenever this happens I come up with an excuse not to go. I just don’t feel safe since I barely know the other person, but the worst part is when they try so hard to convince me to go with them. This makes me feel more and more uncomfortable.
Edit: ooookay I’ve read some of your comments and I think I have to clarify some things. What I intended was that I make up an excuse not to go to THAT specific isolated place, which means that I actually go to dates and propose to go to public places instead. I’ve never ghosted anyone and I’ve tried to tell truth and make the other person understand that I didn’t feel comfortable. Something I’ve been told many times is: “What do you mean by "I don't feel comfortable"? Do you think I'm a crazy psychopath who rapes or kills people? Come on don't say nonsense, let's go, get in the car.” I mean, is this supposed to make me feel safe? By the way they react it seems like I’m offending them, which is clearly not my intention. That’s why I started making up excuses, because they stop insisting only when they know that something bigger is preventing me from going. I’m fully aware of the fact that not everyone has bad intentions, but it’s not something I can understand immediately the first time I hang out with someone. Besides I don’t blame those who are simply clueless. My comment was just sharing a personal experience, not a general attack on men, and you can tell by the fact that I used “they” and “the other person” instead of “he”. Both men and women can experience this kind of things, and I welcome everyone’s story.
For those who commented using not very kind words, please stop trying to make me look like I’m just a paranoid woman who can’t tell the truth. And thanks to those who shared their experiences and opinions under what is one of my first comments here, I really appreciated all these interactions! Stay safe y’all!
Deborah B 3 years ago
Why would *any* woman meet a man for the first time anywhere *except* a public place with lots of people? It's a basic safety precaution.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
It’s a safety precaution that has been known and passed on for well over 100 years. I can attest to that because of own family. My mother graduated high school in 1938, and married my father in 1941. When I was 15 and going on my first date, she told me, her youngest child and only daughter, never to accept a date from someone who wants to go anywhere that’s not public, never get in a car with a date you don’t feel comfortable with so always carry taxi or bus fare home. When you’re older and have your license, you drive yourself to and from the date so you’re not dependent on him for anything, plus you can make an excuse and leave any time you want. If you’re walking home and someone is following you too closely, cross the street and head for a crowded area or find a cop. If you can get to a phone, call home if you’re uncomfortable or he has tried something you don’t want, like to kiss you, or block you from leaving, or saying lewd stuff—-she said to remember that you have a father and four older brothers who will come and get you and give the creep a severe “talking to”. This was coming from a woman who herself was told the same stuff by her mother and older sister, back when she was 15 in 1935. Her mother had married her father in 1899, and was told the same things, modified for her time of course, when she started going on dates unchaperoned. Women have ALWAYS had to be careful when dealing with men on dates or at parties or in crowds or other functions men would go to also. Thankfully, it’s no longer some kind of secret or being swept under the rug, which is probably why so many unthinking men are getting so pissy about it, and and claiming they’re being bashed—-and claiming it happens to men too, even though those statistics are tiny in comparison. You’re not being attacked or bashed, guys, we’re letting you know what happens to us, as a way of telling you to step up and help when you see it happening, to stop doing it yourself, and to loudly and publicly call out your friends when you see them doing it too. (Sorry my comment is so lengthy.)
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Macncheeselife 3 years ago
Her edit makes makes me feel sick. That many people got mad at her on a post for being uncomfortable with isolated spots? She doesn't need to explain herself. No can also just mean no. No from being even slightly unsure still means no.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
You have to wonder if many of the comments were one incel with multiple accounts. (Or hope it is since it's common sense not to go some where isolated with a stranger. Who would be offended aside from creepy people?)
Load More Replies... Lousha 3 years ago
Anyone commenting negatively about this it THAT guy who is offended and starts to protest that he's not an axe murderer. And even in less creepy situations, like you're working in a shop and someone insisting that you give them something and they will bring the money later, and then getting offended that you take them to be dishonest. Don't be offended. Just accept that if someone doesn't know you, they don't know you. They just don't know if you're a great guy, if you're trustworthy. They don't assume you're a POS, but from their point of view it's just as possible as the opposite. It's not personal. It's reasonable.
Flash Henry 3 years ago
The fact that this person had to write the edit in the first place is ridiculous. I see that all the time on subreddits that were created SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN with women feeling that they need to apologize because some butthurt men got offended.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
Also, asking to meet at his apartment/house on a first date. Sometimes a guy is like 'I want to cook you dinner' or something and it could be completely sweet, but you should never do that. If I don't know you, I'm not going to your place alone. And I don't really want you at mine yet either. Adding to that, there's this ridiculous idea- at least in the US- that you have sex on the third date. So if a guy is asking to come over my place or wants me to come over his on a third date I assume he expects sex and that get's me annoyed. Don't pressure anyone based on that kind of thing because it just proves all you care about is the sex part. Yes sex is important but if I met you a week ago, I kind of want to know you a little bit. If all you're looking for is sex there are plenty of places to get that without strings attached. Don't pretend you're looking for a girlfriend if you aren't.
Sandra Morison 3 years ago
The right time for sex is when you BOTH FEEL COMFORTABLE, 1st date, 3rd date 6 weeks later 3 months or when you get married it's something you SHOULD discuss . It's not the same for everyone at every stage of life
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Kate Stark 3 years ago
Gotta love the world we live in where a woman has to justify & defend her choice not to go somewhere *isolated* with someone she barely knows!
Yvette Desmarais 3 years ago
As soon as a guy starts challenging my safety requirements I'm done with him. Whether he is a psycho or not, he's not an understanding person. Next!
According to Redditor, boundaries are essential, and every single person must respect them. “Also, if they don’t take no for an answer, that makes me feel not only uncomfortable but absolutely terrified,” she added. “What I want everyone who does that to know is this: if you’re aware of the fact that you’re making the other person uncomfortable with your actions and you keep on behaving like that and do absolutely nothing to improve the situation, then you are a bad person to be absolutely avoided,” the woman said.
#13
Years ago I went out with this dude and during snacks and a drink, it was pretty clear we weren't a good match. I politely turned down another round and thanked him. I put my bag over my shoulder and began walking to the bar to pay. Not more than two steps from the table the dude YANKS my purse strap and says
"what no hug?"
Really taken aback, I hugged him and shuffled quickly to pay and get out of there. As I was paying I explained to the waitress whom I knew from another job that the dude was super creepy and asked if I could sneak down the back stairs. She let me go through and I rushed down the backstairs and then outside to my car. Breathing a deep sigh I got out of the parking lot and at the first red light at the corner where the restaurant was....was the creepy dude crossing the street. Without any hint of emotion, he whipped out a pen and wrote my licence plate down on his hand. Never saw him again, that I know of.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
Why do I need to have physical contact with you? We clearly aren't compatible, no big deal it just wasn't meant to be. Do you want to feel my boobs or something? I don't hug random people.
David Force 3 years ago
Yikes. Sounds like an episode on the ID channel. Thank God you were able to use your good sense to get yourself out of that situation. All women should listen to their instincts and look out for each other like that waitress did for you.
ADumpsterFire 3 years ago
It's self preservation. He was already physically aggressive with her, so she gave him the hug so she could get the opportunity to sneak out.
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#14
Sitting right next to me when I don’t know you and there are plenty of other seats available.
Groundcontroltomajortom 3 years ago
It's like you become aware of every movement, every breath, every sound until they move. My whole body tenses up.
keasy 3 years ago
personally (19m) I'm like this with everyone, no matter who or why. unless I know you for long enough, give me my breathing distance
Load More Replies... Kate Jones 3 years ago
Ugh this happened to me at a theater once. It was so weird. I went on a Monday afternoon specifically because it was quieter and I could be alone. Huge theater and we were 2 of 4 people total there. A guy who was at least 15 years older than me sits down right next to me. I asked him why and he was like 'Why not sit next to a pretty girl and get to know her?' I was like, 'Thanks but I'd prefer to be alone and it's a movie so I won't be talking to anyone.' He wouldn't leave and then he acted like I was offending him. He was like 'you should take it as a compliment. A girl shouldn't be sitting all by herself.' He still wouldn't leave, so I literally got up, farted, and went to another seat. Suffice it to say, he did not follow. lol.
David Force 3 years ago
Epic. Good job. You could have also said you were gay and waiting for your wife or how about, “I already have a grandpa and I’m not looking for another one”. Sorry that happened to you and since when can’t a girl sit by herself, it’s not 1950.
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Back in the eighties, when I was in my twenties, I used to like going to weekday matinees at movie theatres—-still do, but haven’t since COVID—-because they’re not crowded and noisy, and I have a choice of seats. I was settled in my seat, with my popcorn and soda and my purse in the seat next to me. There were about three other people in the theatre, sitting several rows in front of me. This guy suddenly appears next to me, and picks up my purse like he’s going to move it to sit next to me! I yelled at him, said I don’t know him, and that he has the entire theatre to sit in, so doesn’t need to sit next to me. Needless to say badgering him loudly got the attention of the other people in front of me, who turned around to see what was going on, so the guy ducked his head and left. Do not, repeat, DO NOT hesitate to call them out, loudly and publicly. You’re not embarrassing yourself, you’re embarrassing them, and rightly so! I personally don’t care what people think, and will make a very loud and very public fuss, because I would rather not stay quiet and be groped, kidnapped, assaulted, or dead.
Lousha 3 years ago
On public transport I always take the seat toward the isle rather than next to the window. That way I'm not trapped by someone sitting next to me with no good reason. Lots of people think it's rude because it's like taking up two seats, nobody can just drop down onto the other seat unless they ask me to move. I'm ok with being rude rather than risk being cornered.
BadCat 3 years ago
I can't stand it when people squish me into the wall but I do find it rude it not move or allow someone to have the window seat.
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Susie Gould 3 years ago
… nope! As I’ve said before, if I can poke you in the eye you are too close 🙄
Trulee Stewart 3 years ago
The same for bathroom stalls. I used to travel/drive a lot cross-country. I'd stop a lot at trucks stops for fuel, snacks, bathroom break, etc. they usually have about 10 stalls, some even more. I'm the only one in a stall in a huge bathroom and somebody takes the stall right next to me. WHY?! Happened all the time. I hated it.
Curry on... 3 years ago
When I was younger and rode public transportation, there was always some guy who would sit next to me, legs spread wide and touching me. I'd have to make myself real tiny to get away, or give up my seat.
Black Pearl 3 years ago
I'm only okay with a guy doing this if I know him super well and/or if I like him
#15
When I was at my thinnest (UK 6) a lot of men I might chat / flirt / go on dates with would talk about how they liked how small I was and they’d love to get their hands on me cos they could imagine how light and limber I would be, that they could lift me up, make shapes with my body, throw me around, have lots of fun essentially use my tiny body for their own gratification etc They would often laugh and joke around in this manner like I should be so flattered cos, y’know, all every woman wants us a big stwong mayn to take a hold of them and just do whatever the f they want, show us how it’s done, right?! Disgusting, disturbing and often quite scary. Many men just want to (ab)use a woman like a sex doll and expect to be thanked for it
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
I'm fat and guys always assume it's okay to be rough because I'm basically a cushion I guess. I hate it, I'm a sensitive person.
Bubs623 3 years ago
I'm sorry you're treated like this. You do. Not. Deserve. This. In any way at all. Don't accept their behavior. You are worth so much more than a rough a*s, uncaring shell of a boy-human.
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Eliza May 3 years ago
So how many here think Robert Giese sets a perfect exsmple of why other men are paying for one man's attitude? Robert you're voted down in every post you've responded to because of what you're saying.Either you're a skilled troll, or THIS IS YOUR CUE to adjust your attitude and seek counselling for incel vibes. You will either be lonely the rest of your life, in a relationship where you're a violent petty abuser, or jailed for assault/rape/murder, if you don't get help.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
Robert Giese is probably just used to his inflatable date and can't properly socialize.
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Fergus Corgi 3 years ago
I've literally been picked up by numerous strangers in my life. My sister has too. Oh, you think I'm "so cute"? I guess I should forgive you then. Nope. Stay the F back. Our personalities have been shaped by this but in opposite ways. I have social anxiety & try to hide. My sister is a boss bi*$# & will cut you.
GFSTaylor 3 years ago
I used to be a similar size, and only 5'1" tall. I'm so glad for the people I knew at uni because none of them ever talked to me like that. I'm not saying it never happens, I'm sure it does, I'm just grateful that nearly all the men I've been friendly with over the years have been civilized.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago (edited)
This whole thing is why lesbian relationships have the least amount of abuse and last the longest, with the women living longer than women in straight relationships, and why the guys in gay relationships still have the same amount of abuse as straight. GUYS just coat everything in sticky, vile tar that is their existence, and evidence has been shown for it. (I dunno where to find the info, I learned this in a psychology class who had a man for the instructor.)
Verified Losr 3 years ago
I a legal LP and get this post soooo much! I hate that s**t.cim sure they think it's funny and flattering and they got their mind racing.... But please just don't if you can help it. It gets creepy and if people don't know, a lot of LP fetishists and creepy half-pedos out there say the same s**t. It's their legal loophole to do f****d up s**t. Don't be like those dudes. Hold yourself to a higher standard. Women will thank you.
Gypsy Lee 3 years ago
Any man that enjoys this talk is a man that doesn’t need to exist. They serve no greater good, are selfish, entitled, & disgusting. The world doesn’t need more like this.
Alicia GriffonLady 3 years ago
Men like that have a third testicle instead of a brain. :(
Load More Replies...She continued: “However, if you really want to change, then learn to respect boundaries, to ask the other person what makes them feel safe and comfortable, to take no for an answer, and to be understanding. Something that you think is trivial might make the other person feel scared for their own life to the extent that they won’t be able to let you know that.” The woman asks men to “pay attention to the other person’s body and act accordingly. It means a lot, especially for women.”
#16
"I don't know why you're acting so cautious. If I wanted to kill you, I would have already done it."
Said to me by a friend of a friend I was meeting because it was his first time in a foreign country.
Lousha 3 years ago
Or creeping up behind a girl and scare them, then laugh at how they screamed. Yes I'm sure it's funny to you, but it's a REAL possibility for us to get killed like this.
Jay vay 3 years ago
I was working at a bowling alley with my dad when I was 16. A guy came up behind me to scare me and learned that I don't just scream like a whimp, I punch over my shoulder. Busted his lip. When my dad figured out what happened he laughed and told the guy he deserved it.
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Jan Eivroc 3 years ago
"I don't know why you're acting so cautious. If I wanted to kill you, I would have already done it." >>> Yes, is something a serial killer would most likely say to any potential victim to lure them to lower their guards down
Lainie 3 years ago
I wouldn't lower my guard down though, I'd just run in the opposite direction.
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Marilyn Russell 3 years ago
My sister had an older man as a boyfriend years ago, for some strange reason, and he said to her while swimming in Lake Huron, “I could kill you now and no one would know.”
Bex 3 years ago
That one falls under "believe people when they tell you who they are".
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Brian White 3 years ago
Rule number 1(with some exceptions that don't always follow gender boundaries): Men are instinctively predatorial, women are afraid of predators. If you cannot get this fundamental conflict in your head, go home. Color in a coloring book for a bit. Come back out when you're ready.
#17
My stepfather is constantly commenting on how much my daughter (10 yrs old) is growing into a young woman. Once mentioned how pretty she was in her tank top, and it skeeved me out so bad I had her go change. He noticed and said something along the lines of “oh I hope she didn’t do that because of me” Like, yes, dude, she did 😐
kath morgan 3 years ago
Don’t teach the little girl that it’s up to her to change! Call the creep out, or don’t take her around him.
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
I developed really big breasts really young so I had multiple way older dudes hitting on me in an inappropriate way my whole young teenage years. I stated in another post that I got a breast reduction at 16. I had size K-Cups and afterwards I had a size b and that actually almost completely solve the problem. For the first time I didn't have disgusting older men making nasty comments about me and following me around. It disgusted me so bad that I sometimes wonder if that's not why I'm asexual as an adult.
JF 3 years ago
When told by a friend how much his daughter have grown, my brother in law mentionned how his daughter is growing boobs also... Creeped me out... I'm a father.
Marco Conti 3 years ago
My FIL is like that. He is over 90 now, so no longer a problem, but when we first had our daughter, 30 years ago, I told him that if he looked at her in any disagreeable way, I'd kill him with my bare hands. He has behaved and we are actually quite cordial.
James G. Currie 3 years ago
That's when you look him right in the eyes, and say, "Yes, it *is* because of you dude!"
#18
I'm a bisexual woman. Doesn't matter who I'm talking to, whether it's just a guy I'm getting to know or a guy I've been on a couple of dates with, EVERY ONE makes the "hehe we should have a threesome" joke. It's not funny. It's not cute. It's a violation of my boundaries and an immediate red flag. Automatically I'm on edge.
S. Mi 3 years ago
Being Bi or Pan or a lesbian (or whatever) is not a party trick for someone else's amusement.
That nerd Zoe ️🇺🇦️ 3 years ago
THIS 1000X as a lesbian who was out in elem, one time someone offered my ex $20 to kiss me (in 6th grade, was not first kiss) as if it was a show. yes she took it and I consented bc I wanted gas station candy, but it's annoying how they think it's for their amusement...
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Why does every conversation have to turn to sex? Men, you do know, don’t you, that there is an infinite number of OTHER subjects to talk about? Almost anything else, not related to sex or just sheer grossness, would be OK. You are not in a porn flick, you are on a date with a real woman who isn’t interested in you trying to live out your porn fantasy.
Jeff Lum 3 years ago
Men like sex more than women. Though I honestly think that's partly because men tend to get more enjoyment out of sex than women because straight men are mostly terrible at sex lol. Plus the fact that biologically, men are more inclined to reproduce than women due to being able to impregnate multiple females. Humans are literally animals we just have the biggest brains. Don't know why so many people can't grasp this concept.
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BRODOOLERINGO 3 years ago
My partner of 7 years is bi. Not once have I asked her or joked about a threesome. It's distasteful and disrespectful.
Mary Pigott 3 years ago
Even if you're not bisexual, guys will ask on first dates if you're into a three-some..Dude you watch too much porn. And the funny thing is, by three-some, they always mean you and another female, never you and another guy..
Fergus Corgi 3 years ago
I think straight people tend to have more threesomes than bisexual people. If I genuinely like someone I don't want to bring in another person.
Cathy Hurd 3 years ago
Why do men automatically think it's 'playtime' when they find out a woman is bisexual?
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
I'm pan, so if they'd say that, I'd ask "you know there's more sexes than two, right? Are you stupid or ignorant?" And just let that hang over them. They can't answer it without making a bigger a*s of themselves.
Jhomes Jones 3 years ago
Hah I'm a guy, and I know I'm in the minority but...for the record, I would NEVER make that jhoke. And in fact...a girl I was getting to know once mentioned room for me In polygamous relationship...it was not only a shock, but it really creeped me out.
Verified Losr 3 years ago
I'm bisexual. I just laugh this off and don't get touchy about it 🤷 people are going to say it. I make sure after laughing to explain that I'm not into threesomes and the way they react to that is how I judge the situation. Not by the comment itself but their reaction to my rebuttal.
Cory Tollman 3 years ago
People who've never had a threesome who just nonchalantly suggest one because someone is Bi haven't really thought about it. Or they are d***s who aren't all that concerned about the other participants.
Several-Stable-9051 also wanted to clarify that even though the question in the thread was addressed to women men can have the same experiences. “That’s why I always used ‘they’ and ‘the other person.’ Under my post, I found comments from men sharing their own experiences, and I want them to know that their stories are as valid as those of women,” she concluded.
#19
This one may be intentional, but it gives me the absolute creeps when men try to squeeze past me and lightly put their hands on me, especially my waist. I hate it. Just say “excuse me.” Edit: quite a few people have asked clarifying questions, so I’ll give my thoughts on when it’s okay to touch a woman in a crowded area. (1) Try to just go around her another way. (2) If you can’t, say excuse me. (3) If it’s loud or something and that doesn’t work, sometimes touching just can’t be helped. Either just squeeze past if it’s a packed area, or if you have to lay your hands on her, a firm (but not rough) hand on the shoulder or upper back is likely fine. Lightly tickling the lower back or small of the waist is creepy. Usually if you touch a strange man that way, you might be up for an a*s beating. If you wouldn’t willingly touch some big, strange guy that way (mostly looking at you, straight guys), don’t do it to a woman.
Debbie 3 years ago
TBH if I have to squeeze through crowded areas I mostly do touch the backs of people if they don't notice me and gently move past them - and usually it is not the shoulder but halfway the back as that is the natural position of my arm when moving through a crowd.
Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
Yea but thats still different, I've had guys try to move past me in a crowded bar and full on grab my hips/lower back.. In a way I would only expect my bf to touch me. It's way different then a light touch on the back so I know you're moving through.
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Stoopham McFernybabes 3 years ago (edited)
Ugh - when a much older man squeezed past 15yo me on a train and put his arm around my waist as he went. I cried and cried to my Dad that night and I couldn’t understand why it made me feel so yucky. Dad just hugged me and listened to me and told me he was so sorry that that happened to me.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Not a firm hand on the shoulder, ffs! That reeks of grabbing you. Just a couple light taps on my shoulder, or a simple “Excuse me” will suffice.
Elliot Fowler 3 years ago
I raise my hands anytime I have to squeeze past a woman. That way there can never be any accusations of me trying to touch her since my hands are above my head.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
As long as you make sure nothing “else” brushes her, you’re good. Sorry, but I have had men lean back at their shoulders, only to lean, or rather thrust, forward further down. They looked like they weren’t doing anything untoward, but they were. Also, if there’s another pathway that’s not crowded, just take it instead.
Load More Replies... Lousha 3 years ago
I'm a woman, but never touch strangers with my whole hand no matter how crowded the situation is. If I absolutely must, I use one fingertip to tap on their shoulder.
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
I usually do a very light touch on the upper back, kinda like my cat when he wants to get my attention.
Sarah 3 years ago
And then, when that doesn't work, do you go full on "THWAP" like your cat? That would be my go-to (jk...or am I? O_o)
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Kyla Eisler 3 years ago
As a woman, I keep my hands chest-level when moving through a crowd, so I'm only touching the upper back/shoulder. Most guys I know do this too. There is zero reason for your hands to be by your own waist as you're moving through a crowd.
#20
Guy here. Never realized that working alone with no-one else in the store - night or day - can potentially be terrifying. I've opened and closed where I was the only employee in the building and not once have I ever felt in any immediate danger. Some folks I suspected being a bit shady but they never gave me any trouble. Not once did I ever think I could be at significant risk. As a guy, it's just not a thought that ever comes to mind. I worked for a local business whose owner, 25 years ago, had a man run into his store at around 10am frantically telling him to call the police. Turns out the poor guy went into the adult video store next door and discovered the young female clerk stabbed to death and laying lifeless in a pool of blood on the floor. Details emerged that she was stalked by someone who went to school with her and one day he got fed up with being told "no" and not long after that returned with a knife and killed her. She was lying dead on the floor for at least a half hour before she was discovered... and since adult stores have their windows blocked and doors blocked so no one can see inside, the only way someone could see what happened is they were actually customer who intentionally went inside. Since it was a weekday morning, the store wasn't busy at all. The case was solved a couple of years ago (after being a nearly 25yo cold case and easily the most high-profile unsolved homicide in our city's history) and I was on shift the day the local news - and cameras - came into my workplace and wanted to speak with my boss. I later learned my boss was the very first person who made the call to 911. He was in the cooler putting an order away and didn't hear the murder take place. My former boss came to Canada from the Middle East about 50 years ago so he's doubt see some s**t over there... and he still ranks this murder as the saddest and most traumatic thing he's personally dealt with. From day on, he *never* let any staff member work by themselves to close the store again.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
I see so many stores with only one, sometimes two, people on duty for the entire store. Doing everything from stocking to cashiering, to cleaning up. All by themselves. WTF would happen if someone decides to rob the store at opening or closing? God damn. That is NO way to run a business.
J. F. 3 years ago
Rule number one as shop worker: Screw the money, don't try to provoke the robber or to make mental notes / memories to identify him later - save your 'effin life, everything else is replaceable
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Shelley McKinney 3 years ago
When i was younger, i didn't understand my mothers concern with my teenage sister working alone in a convenience store on a busy street. I thought she was being over dramatic. It scares me now to even think about it.
Taylor Carroll 3 years ago
Dude it's illegal in my company to have only 1 person there. Even if the other guy is on break outside and someone comes in and jokes oh are you the only one here? I always say the other person is in the back doing things I can't
James G. Currie 3 years ago
Similar situations have led to the Labour Act where I live, to require (among other provisions) transport for shifts ending between midnight and 6...regardless of gender.
Tiffany Head 3 years ago (edited)
I used to work the overnight shift at a hotel. It was quite terrifying when someone would come to check in after midnight or something. Thankfully since it was a hotel there were plenty of working cameras, well in the lobby at least. The hallway cameras never worked so it was terrifying when someone wanted something delivered to their room. It didn't happen often but when it did I would drop it off outside the door, knock, and book it out of there. Also the manager would tell us if anything made us uncomfortable to find a way to lock ourselves in the manager's office and call him immediately. I never had to do that thankfully.
Kelli 3 years ago
Good. I used to work the third shift at an answering service one weekend a month by myself. That could be scary too. People had to be buzzed in, but it was only a wood door. We answered for the nearby hospital’s maintenance service, and those guys all checked on me throughout the night to make sure I was ok.
Load More Replies... Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
As a Canadian I'm going to look into this further. That's awful 😔 My female friend worked in an adult store. Some of the stuff she told me men said, did, or tried to do was BRUTAL. Working in an adult store is about paying your bills. Your not a sex worker. Your NOT there to model sexy outfits or use the sex toys etc
Fergus Corgi 3 years ago
I worked for a liquor distributor in my 20s. I was in unsafe situations on a regular basis. Nearly everyone was male so mentioning sexual harassment or feeling unsafe just made things worse. I finally quit when it became too much. After I left the 2 other women at the company ended up quitting too.
#21
When men try to show off their “dominance” over you or anyone really. Like when you mention something to a guy about another guy and he goes “I’ll kill anyone who talks to you” it’s quite frightening really.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
I’ll even testify against you, to make sure the jury knows about the threat.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
"Did you want to keep that hand?" is a line I've used more than once, but as we've established I'm kind of a butch b*tch and don't put up with that kind of SH*T anymore.
Sarah Moeding 3 years ago
Performative feminism really creeps me out in particular. You tell a dude you know, someone you think is an ally, a story about another dude in the community being an absolute creep, and instead of saying, "I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, I'll let my friends know, and I will say something if I ever see him behaving that way," they're like, "I'm gonna get some guys together and we'll give him a beat down he won't forget, that'll teach him." Uh, no it will not, and now you've made me feel uncomfortable with YOU.
Sam Tiller 3 years ago
You should start having a conversation with literally anyone around you, ignore him completely.
Darcy Marie 3 years ago
There's a difference between fun sexy time dominance and scary psycho dominance and people really need to learn when people say they like being dominated they definitely don't mean having someone scream at them for 45 minutes about getting pizza delivered and they delivery person happened to be male.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
I would just turn and leave. Especially if I have some other place I can go. My life is my choice, and my responsibility. If someone talks to me, I will either engage or leave. It is not up to my SO, god, or anyone else what my actions are. And if someone tries to "play coy" with this s**t, I took too much time from my life from a relationship that the guy was nearly as controlling. I will dump your a*s. And do not try to make contact with me if I don't message you first. It will not end well for you.
SCP-3998 3 years ago
Oh good. The CLEARLY BAD red flags are bad for you. Meanwhile the excusing assault and belittling language you've been using is just showing you only view women as objects below you. Go find a hobby, maybe take up knitting.
Load More Replies... #22
Not understanding that a polite decline isn't an invitation just to try harder, and is just that, declining to spend more time with the guy. I know men complain all the time about how women must be communicating in some bizarre code they can't be expected to understand, but a lot of women have been conditioned by experience to decline a man's invitations or attentions in the most polite, face-saving way possible. I don't think there is a woman out there who hasn't had a man get really angry and threatening when they, the woman, was just trying to say "thanks but no thanks" and move on. I am not just talking about getting picked up in a bar or on the street. I am talking about any man anywhere who decides he wants a woman's full attention, or wants to give his opinion (on her appearance, attitude, lack of smiling, whatever), at that moment. It happens so often that you just want to get away from this guy, but they aren't really noticing your (to you) obvious expressions of wanting to leave, and if you get more explicit, you really don't know what will happen. If you stay, you also don't know what will happen, because they might think you are "leading him on." It feels like a no-win situation, and one a man could use as an excuse (either way) to verbally or physically attack you.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
It’s like what part of “NO” do you not understand? No means no means NO! We’re even nice about it, at first, and add “Thank you”, FFS. Learn to read the signals, guys. And get your head out of your fantasy world. Real life is not like porn. Women are not going to just fall in bed with you without thoroughly vetting you first. By “vetting”, I mean making sure you’re compatible, you’re not a creep or potential stalker, you’re not abusive, you’re mature, etc, and especially whether the two of you have a good vibe going. If it’s just not there, it’s just not there. Do as we do after we turn you down——GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON! There’s someone for everyone, so just work on bettering yourself and keep looking until you find them. Cripes, it’s not rocket science.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Robert Giese, you’re obviously not a real woman, and what you’re thinking of is merely the fantasy woman in your mind. Hate to tell ya, Bobert, she doesn’t exist in the real world. So take my advice, work on bettering yourself until someone finds you acceptable.
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
I'm 43 years old and I understand the generation of men being taught to pursue women. It can be confusing. Some women expect men to ask them out or take the lead and some don't and they have to try and figure out which ones are which. And I'm not saying you have to be mean to men, but women need to stop being polite. Our need to be polite stops us from telling a guy to f-off when he's presenting unwanted behavior. If someone asks you out or does something that feels kind of creepy, be nice *once* and and say no thank you. But MEAN IT. If you say no say it with clarity and no hint of a smile. And if he pursues you after that, feel free to be the biggest b***h you can be because at that point it's unwanted. And if someone tells you to smile, tell him if he needs to see someone smile to go ask his mom because you aren't a showhorse.
Ingrid Nog 3 years ago
I get your point, but at least for me, there is a huge fear when saying No, because the man in question might react badly. And by "badly" I don't even mean insults and ugly words, but physically angry, threatening me and even stalking me. So I try to say the "no" sound as nice as I can, which could involve a smile, depending on the situation. The right thing to do, I guess, is for all people to take a "no" as it truly is. If the person who said it doesn't mean it, they will let you know and show interest even after saying "no".
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Agent 8433599 3 years ago
It's difficult to get the right amount of politeness and disinterest
Stace Kemp 3 years ago
Oh boy, lack of smiling. Pet peeve "Smile!" "How about you get f@#$ked?!"
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
I'm used to verbal attacks, so that wouldn't bother me. But physical? Better be ready for some infections, because I claw and bite. I WILL defend myself if anything happens, and you aren't getting away with all of your DNA kept in and on your body.
Mister Fedora 3 years ago
Don't be polite the second time. Men are conditioned that a lot of women enjoy the chase and want to be asked more than once. I doubt it's true, but if you are NOT a woman who enjoys the chase, then tell him directly that it's a no and don't be nice about it. If he still keeps trying, he's definitely a creep and you should get some authority involved. Being nice the whole time helps nobody.
Seedy Vine 3 years ago
An guy once insisted I get off my cell phone so I could pay attention to him while he attempted to talk me into his car. In broad daylight. Outside an office building. While I was carrying a heavy, skull-crushing metal water bottle in my hand. Foolish dude. Good thing one of us could control ourselves.
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
I’ve had this happen before. The guy was not my type and I said awe thanks but your not my type. I wasn’t mean but then he looked so offended none the less. And I felt kinda bad cause his reaction was so butt hurt so I was just gonna explain it’s not a big deal, I just have a type. And then he was like no no don't talk to me like he was rejecting me. Im like okay then byeeeee. I just don’t see the point in being polite, because it gives men a sense that your interested. If I’m interested, you’ll know I’m interested.
Linda Mun 3 years ago
I saw a conversation between a father and son once. The son shared that his crush had turned him down for a date. The father asked "ok.... She said no so what do you do now??" The kid said try again? Maybe in a different way? The father looked him dead in the eye and said no you accept it and leave it alone. She said no. That's it!
#23
I'm a guy, but I've been told by women that me raising my voice has been very frightening/triggering.
kath morgan 3 years ago
Failing to manage anger in general; yelling, flailing, throwing things, slamming doors. It’s a bad sign.
Alex Freetime 3 years ago (edited)
Much better than having someone who appears to be calm while anger is bottling up ready to explode all at once.
Load More Replies... Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
Raised voices trigger my flight/fight response and I start having anxiety attacks. I don't even have to be involved in the conflict, it still happens.
Adam Eve 3 years ago
It's OK, raised voice should trigger the flight fight response, that's exactly what it's for. Self preservation is nothing to apologise for!
Load More Replies... Tracy Wallick 3 years ago
I think of myself as a tough lady, but nothing terrifies me faster or more thoroughly than having a man yell, even if it's not at me. Nothing good has ever happened to me from a man yelling.
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
I physically flinch when someone raises their voice at me. Growing up, I had severe anxiety when teachers/parents would yell or show anger, and it's obviously not gone. My husband luckily is very observant and notices. He immediately calms down and says "hey, let's sit and just talk, okay? I'm sorry." That doesn't happen often either but he's aware which is important.
Tiffany Head 3 years ago
Loud noises in general can be triggering to me depending on the context. It's important to be aware of those around you and act appropriately
L̸1̶z̵ 3 years ago
If you start yelling at me, my natural fight or flight response is fight.... Expect me to start swinging. So just don't yell or raise your voice, and we won't have a problem. If we cannot speak like mature adults without you yelling, I'm out. Not interested. Arguments don't require yelling, just say your piece with a calm mind, listen to my perspective, discuss, and we will have progress.
Darcy Marie 3 years ago
Same. But i also start crying anytime i have a Big Emotion so I'm standing there with tears streaming down my face about to throw hands because someone used their scary voice on me.
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Steven John 3 years ago
As a classically trained voice and a veteran school teacher in bad areas, this is one I often can't avoid. Who gets priority, the close people or the boofheads across the playground about to get physical? Yes, I give a warning. Possibly the fact that I am a fairly large guy doesn't help. I actually had one female boss order me to stop going to the gym (meathead since 1993) lose weight and grow my hair (like a lot of Buddhists, I frequently shave my head).
Steven John 3 years ago
Oh, my boss also told me to "Change the music you listen to out in public".
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Mary Elliott 3 years ago
Yes, yelling is scary. Men in general are much stronger than women, and anything that makes them seem aggressive is frightening.
#24
Someone saying "where's my hug?" or otherwise trying to imply that they are owed physical contact.
#25
Asking personal questions that have nothing to do with why you are communicating in the first place. Example: getting my muffler welded and being asked by the welder "where do you live? How long have you lived there? Do you have roommates or is it just you?" And about thirty more personal and invasive questions.
So. F*****g. Uncomfortable.
Giles McArdell 3 years ago
A little everyday chit-chat is acceptable, but these sort of questions sounds like a creep, or worse.
Courtney Christelle 3 years ago (edited)
Start asking the questions back loudly. "Why do you need to know where I live? Why are you asking me about roommates?" Make them uncomfortable with their own questions.
DDmaybeandor 3 years ago
So here’s the thing, people are losing the ability to make small talk and become friends IRL. Try talking about pets, siblings, travel, or something pertaining to where you are. Pay attention to tone and body language, some people just want to be left alone. If she walks away, don’t follow her. If she gives one or two word answers, you might try one more different subject but don’t push it, she might just want to be left alone. If she doesn’t make eye contact, looks down a lot, hugs herself, she’s probably uncomfortable. Apologize, “Sometimes I’m too extroverted” and leave her alone. Like really, leave her alone. If she decides to talk she’ll find you.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
I’m getting my car fixed, I’m not looking for a date. Back the f**k off and keep your conversation about the repairs. Be professional, FFS!
Marco Conti 3 years ago
"I live above the MMA gym where I train and my roomate is the current UFC middleweight contender".
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Yeah just be like what does this have to do with my car? That’s not something you need to concern yourself with. Focus on the car.
Shayda 3 years ago
Like, if you want to make conversation just to absorb the quiet or to get to know someone, there are far less invasive questions/ice breakers. What's your favorite (blank)? Is a common question. What made you pick the car you have? Do you like driving it? Tell me a funny driving story? Etc, it doesn't have to be "where do you live?" Like wtf??
kath morgan 3 years ago
Had a rock shop keeper suddenly ask where the rock collection was situated in my home? Nope!
Tamra 3 years ago
They were probably wondering if the collection was in direct sunlight. The color of some minerals can be affected by that. Seems an innocent enough question.
Load More Replies... #26
Hovering. Don’t hover behind me. That’s one of the very few things that makes me nervous.
BadCat 3 years ago
I was in IKEA trying to get a cart where they're kept. I had to go far into the barred area, when I backed up I immediately bumped into someone. It was this old, very tall guy just standing there with a grimace and staring down at me. I told him excuse me but he didn't even move for me. He expected me to somehow manuever around him. This s**t happens so often. One old, fat guy even nearly sat on me on the bus because he wanted the seat. I got up just in time but he sat on a corner of my skirt pulling it down. Creep.
Azolane 3 years ago
This guy tried to rub himself against my back on the bus once. I discreetly looked behing me for his foot and then crushed it as hard as I could with my heels, he let out a loud cry and couldn't get off the bus fast enough.
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
A guy actually did this to me once. I sensed someone behind me, turned around, and found him practically breathing down my neck! It gave me one hell of a fright, of course, though it turned out he wasn't a creep - just very, very autistic. His mother dragged him away and apologised.
Shyla Clay 3 years ago
*Facepalm* I read that as "hoovering." It took me a second while I wondered why carpet cleaning made you nervous. I need to buy new glasses.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
That's like people crowding you at the check stand. More than once I've turned and, doing the "shooing" motion with my hand said DO YOU MIND? I had to go so far as to say "Back the f*ck up". Sheesh. Personal space. Get a clue.
Ugh_What_Now 3 years ago
Never come up behind us. A mass majority of us will be triggered by this and you have a 50% chance of startimg a panic attack, or a 50% chance of being unintentionally throat punched. I'm a punchy kind if gal myself.
Alana Voeks 3 years ago
This would be my three chances rule. I'd take a step. If they followed me, I'd ask them politely to give me space. If they didn't comply, I'd tell them to back off. That usually works. (But again, I'm big.)
#27
It's not frightening, per se, but it definitely makes me wary because it could lead to situations that *are* frightening...
When talking to a guy, he's super pushy. Like, asking for pics of this and that (and *that*) and even saying no, they're stilly pushy... all that makes me do is not want to meet him. If he's THIS pushy via text/messaging, how pushy is he going to be in person? If he can't take no NOW, what are the odds he can take no in person?
​
I once had a guy DEMAND that I rank my sexual partners. I told him no. I told him "I can't and I won't." Dude flew off the digital handle. I blocked him right then.
Tiffany Head 3 years ago
I once had a guy ask for selfies and pictures of my feet. When I said I wasn't comfortable sending pictures he tried to guilt me by saying that 'I owed him' because he sent me pictures of himself that I never asked for. Just because you give someone something does not entitle you to get something in return.
Brian Dean 3 years ago
Find a pic online of crusty nasty fungus feet and send that, lol
Load More Replies... Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
Block and ghost push people, you owe them nothing, least of all your attention.
Donna Clanclan 3 years ago
After it happened a time or two, I would try to have fun with it. Send them cat pics, farm animals pics, etc.
Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
It's not just that men don't "get it" sometimes. Parents need to raise their boys to accept that "No" doesn't mean we find you repulsive or an ax murder. It can just mean "thanks, but no" and people dont owe you an explanation any further. We aren't trying to demean your man hood ffs. Teach your boys folks!
Samantha Will 3 years ago
Yes. Someone started talking to me on Facebook one day I was polite and the next day he was telling me I needed to text him The moment I got home . Excuse Me! Block
Tamra 3 years ago
No. The reason this s**t happens is because (some) men weren't raised to properly respect women. It happens because their friends don't call them out on it. It happens because, most of the time, they can physically get away with it. It happens because losers like YOU don't know how to respect women. Go f**k yourself. Because I'm sure no woman would willingly do it.
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#28
Pretending we’re deeper friends than we are, being overly familiar and then acting like they have a “right” to you. Had a guy do this in college. When I told him he didn’t get to dictate who I talk to, he spit his drink in my face. I barely knew him!
Sina Faye 3 years ago
My ex's best friend did this to me. I didn't really know who he was but my ex vouched for him and I needed home repairs. His favorite comments were asking me if I was coming to or getting back from having sex with someone. The 2nd was if he ever heard me having sex he would burst into the room. I started avoiding him. What's worse was he was horrible at repairs and I had to hire someone to fix the things he broke.
Dillon H 3 years ago
Sounds like he should've gotten a palm to the nose. I'm talking like the heel of the hand, break the nose kind of stuff.
Charles Wise 3 years ago
He probably wasn't otherwise I'm sure they would have included that in the story
Load More Replies... Alma Muminovic 3 years ago (edited)
What a psycho. That would of set me off. Any type of spitting I just find so disgusting and get so mad.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Unfortunately, this isn't just a guy thing. Anyone can imagine they're "having a relationship" with you, when you could possibly be just barely acquaintances. This is how stalkers start.
Sam Tiller 3 years ago
Wow. Just wow. This post saddens me. You had every right to say what you said, and he reacted *POORLY*.
#29
Telling me things they would do to me if I didn't have a husband. Being out somewhere and them not letting me leave, not taking no for an answer, telling me that they drive by my home to see if I'm there.
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
I told a therapist I had some guys tell me stuff like this (despite knowing me and my husband) and she straight up said, "You need to lose some phone numbers because that is not a healthy thing to say to anyone in a committed relationship." I'm actually thankful she put it so bluntly.
ElchMoose 3 years ago
Correction: that is not a healthy thing to say to anyone. Period.
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Joely King 3 years ago
Telling a dude you're married and they ask "but are you HAPPILY married? He better satisfy you coz I'd treat you like a queen"....for real though?!
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
That’s a creep. You should tell him the last guy who did that got shot in the face. Some people just need a blunt awakening to their creeper nonsense.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Stalker alert! (And yeah - me having a husband is the only thing stopping me from being your sex slave. GAG, no pun intended)
#30
"Idk why you're so nervous. It's not like I'm going to rape you... if I wanted to do that there's nothing you could do to stop me anyways" UH. the thought hadn't crossed my mind until YOU brought it up unprovoked. FOUR TIMES. Edit[copied from another comment I made further down to give context to the situation] Hung out with a guy I knew from back in high-school that I hadn't seen in years. He is physically about 4 times my size and was acting a little strange. [Trying to touch me/ invade my personal space even after i had made it clear i wasn't interested in anything more than friendship] I was nervous and shaking like a leaf trying to figure out how to gently extract myself from the situation. What scared me more than anything was him saying things like " idk why you're so nervous.. it's not like I'm going to rape you" I thought even though he was overly enthusiastic that I would be safe until he brought up how he - wasnt- going to rape me 4 times. Obviously it made me feel like he must have been considering it :/ thank God I got out of that one safely
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
Even if it is meant to be comforting, it comes across as threatening and creepy
Chel Bolin 3 years ago (edited)
No, there is nothing funny or comforting about rape. Unless you're reporting one to the police. Don't bring it up.
Load More Replies... Courtney Christelle 3 years ago
PSA for men: NEVER MENTION THE WORD R*PE. EVER. Announcement over.
Widda 3 years ago
I hate "I just don't know if I can control myself around you" So you don't know if you are a rapist... Ok... Think this date is done... Might need to report you to the police if I wasn't ACAB all the way
CL Rowan 3 years ago
Get up and leave right then. He can pay your tab. Let management know what happened.
Load More Replies... Mahogany Eclipse 3 years ago
Literally, one of the the worst f*cking things someone can say to another person!
Andrea Rundell 3 years ago
No one who mentions rape is safe. Anyone who gives you the "ha ha, I'm not going to rape you" joke is a BIG RED FLAG.
Sam Tiller 3 years ago
Why would anyone EVER say that? What kind of idiot thinks that that's okay?
Sandra Padilla 3 years ago
How about when the owner the business you work for does that thing where they lay their hand right next to yours and "accidentally" touch your hand intentionally. It's such an unnecessary powerplay. I know this is your business, but I will not take my hand away or give any indication that it bothers me, because I know when I made that mistake before and looked shy and embarrassed he touched my hand, it leads to more touching like the small of my back, the button on my blouse that clasps at the back of my neck, or grabbing my a*s... But if I don't flinch and leave my hand (uncomfortably, mind you), the owner will not mess with me.
Gypsy Lee 3 years ago
The word rape, & the thought you have the option to choose, gentlemen, makes you a rapist in our eyes. You never get to come back from that. You will always be someone to never be near again. - Do we get to pull out a real gun & mock shooting you when you pull this stunt? Not much difference.
#31
A guy I’m seeing took me out to a baseball game for our first date. It was nice, I didn’t get any weird vibes from him at all. After the game, he asked if I wanted to go see some of the spots he likes to go walking. I didn’t think much about it until we got there and i realized he was basically taking me to the woods in the dark. He told me to follow him and I’m thinking I’m about to get killed but it turns out he just wanted to show me his favorite place to go on walks and chill because you can see the entire city from there and at night it looks really pretty. He took me to a couple more trails that night and I ended up having a great time and forgot that it’s pitch black outside and I’m with a guy I’ve never gone out with before out in nature. Definitely thought I was going to get killed at first though.
Lousha 3 years ago
Had a friend when I was in uni who used to drive me crazy with her dating habits. She regularly told me about meeting this guy she met on the internet on top of a hill (hiking trail) for the first time etc. No amount of cautioning convinced her to think before doing stuff like that. There was one time that ended well but still gives me the creeps after so many years. She met the guy in the town center, as I asked. Then this guy she met 5 minutes ago asks if she'd like to see his favourite spots. So without question she goes into a dark parking lot with him. Hops into a car with a stranger three times her size. Not telling anyone what she's about to do, not asking the guy where exactly are they going. Then they leave town. At that point she started to get nervous. It was getting dark, and they are out in the middle of nowhere. The guy is not talking like at all. She still wouldn't just grab her phone and at least text someone. Then the guy pulls over and stops the car, then gets out and
Lousha 3 years ago
Comes to her side of the car. She's pissing herself by now, thinking she'll be killed. The guy then opens the door behind her, takes her jacket off and throws it in the car, then goes back to the driver seat and they take off again. Then finally he says something: "would you mind bending over a bit and reaching between your legs?" . WTF? Well he wanted a CD that was under her seat. Then they finally reach som hiking trails and look at some pretty places. Later the guy takes her home, a lot later they get married. All is well. But how many red flags did you count? How many points where this story could've gone horribly wrong? I was so happy when they started dating seriously because he turned out not to be an axe murderer and she finally stopped seeing strangers in weird places.
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#32
Call me nicknames like “sweetheart” or “baby girl” when I’ve never met them before.
Bex 3 years ago
Yes, this one!! When I was doing online dating that was an immediate red flag for me. Any message (especially the first one) that called me anything like that got an immediate block. Don't use affectionate terms with me, that implies you already think of me as yours in some way.
Theo Blackwood 3 years ago
Especially when the woman is working! It’s so goddamn disrespectful and demeaning.
Biofish23 3 years ago
I don't necessarily find it creepy, but definitely patronizing and infuriating. Don't call me pet names unless you are my S/O or close family member. Grandmotherly little old ladies can get a pass. Men who are strangers or casual acquaintances, blech, I am NOT your sweetheart!
Who Panda 420 3 years ago (edited)
I'm a woman and I have to watch this one all the time because I was raised in the south and it's very common to call people baby, honey or sugar when you don't even know them it's just common. Well now I've moved up north and it's very different people will take that as an invitation so I really have to watch it.
That nerd Zoe ️🇺🇦️ 3 years ago
This but I'm ok with like "cutie" or something as long as its a one time compliment. I actually hate "baby girl" as a term it sounds weird to me
#33
Joking about how easy it would be to overpower us. On more than one occasion I’ve had male friends joke about how easy it would be to pick me up or restrain me or another woman. It’s not funny, it’s creepy.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
If that’s your fantasy, the majority of us do NOT want to hear about it. This is real life, with real people, not porn fantasy fiction. The majority of women do not like dirty talk, we do not like to hear your deepest darkest fantasies, and we do not like to be aggressively pursued. Back off, calm down, get real.
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
Really had a good friend who was a male and we were play fighting one time and he able to hold me down with one arm. That was the first time I realized how vulnerable I was and even though he was my friend and I knew he wouldn't do anything to me it creeped me out because I knew then how easily I could be over how easily I could be over powered by a man
Load More Replies... #34
Please don't talk to or approach a woman pumping gas, especially at night. I'm sure the moon does look amazing but I am not interested right now. Gas stations are creepy enough without having to make small talk with a stranger. This goes for parking lots at night as well.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
It’s one thing to say something like “Nice night, isn’t it?” as you’re walking to your car—-and you keep on walking to your car, get in it, and drive off! It’s another to approach us and stick around trying to talk to us when we’re maiming it VERy obvious we don’t want to talk to you. Take the goddamned hint and leave us alone!
#35
Getting angry at other drivers and then driving very aggressively
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
But someone might get angry with you and drive aggressively toward you and your car. I had someone do that before cellphones. All I did was pass him, in my little hatchback car, when he was driving well under the speed limit. It pissed him off and he drove his huge truck right up behind me and tailgated my car for miles, so closely he was practically in my back seat. If I slowed down he slowed down. If I tried to take an exit at the last minute, he’d swerve to take it too. When I could get a good look at his license tags I started repeating the number to myself so I’d remember it. I finally had to take an exit, and he followed. Luckily, a cop had pulled someone over just off the exit ramp. I pulled over, got out of my car, went straight up to the cop, pointed to the truck that was now passing by, asked him for pen and paper to write the tag number down before I forgot it, and told him the whole story. He took all the information, including mine, and told me he would be in contact with me within 24 hours. He called later that evening and told me he 100% believed me, because he’d checked both our records. Mine was clean, but the other guy’s was full of aggressive driving tickets, complaints, and reports like mine. He said he had also contacted the other guy and told him one more complaint and he would lose his license, if not be arrested and charged. Now THAT’S good policing.
Load More Replies... savannah burrows 3 years ago
This is me....... um a girl but it mostly happens when they drive 15+ under the speed limit
James G. Currie 3 years ago
Not a gendered issue. I've seen almost as many women doing it as men.
Yuki 3 years ago
Yeah, I'm a woman and I have horrible road rage 😅 the only difference is that I'm also an extremely cautious driver because I'm terrified of dying, especially in a painful way like a car accident, or hurting/killing another person. I like to describe it as "road raging like a city slicker while grandma-driving"
Load More Replies... #36
Invading my space. I used a massage chair a few weeks ago at the gym, and it’s one of the newer models that will lift you and bring you to a reclined position about three feet off the ground (I’m 5’1 so for some that may not seem too high, but for me it’s pretty elevated feeling. There was this man who walked into the room, kept looking at me, and tapped me to ask me my name and tell me I was “pretty.” I had headphones in, my eyes were shut, and I CLEARLY was not wanting to engage with anyone. Flashed him my engagement ring (my fiancé wasn’t at the gym at the time) and told him my fiancé was coming to join me. Never saw a man book it so hard. It’s so frustrating that no matter who CLEAR you are trying to make the fact you are a woman who is not interested in talking to people it’s not respected. Until you insinuate a more masculine partner is present. May have been intentional there, but I feel like a lot of times invasion of space can be unintentional.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Was on a flight, headphones on my ears watching the in flight movie. I was in a window seat, and there was an empty seat between me and the passenger on the aisle. That passenger, a man, ignores the headphones and me looking at the movie screen, and tries to strike up a conversation. When he tapped my arm to get my attention, I looked at him and pointed to the headphones—-a pretty clear indication I was watching the movie and not listening. He ignored that too, and just started talking louder. FFS! When the flight attendant came down the aisle, I made eye contact with him (making my eyes really big so he could see I was in need of help), and kind of tilted my head toward the guy who was still very actively bugging me. Flight attendant shut him down so completely, he didn’t say another word the rest of the flight. I nodded and smiled at the flight attendant at the time, and thanked him when I was getting off the plane—-I had stayed in my seat to make sure the a*****e left first.
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
Insinuating that you have a partner coming doesn't always help either. I've had guys say what does your boyfriend have to do with us. Like it's a challenge
James G. Currie 3 years ago
Some arsewipes actually ACTIVELY go for committed women. They have the twisted logic that, "if she's putting out for someone else, she'll do me too!" Mind, I've met some women that have the same (lack of) logic.
Load More Replies... Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Yeah this is so true. It’s almost like what your saying doesn’t matter until there’s another man behind you backing it up. Like the only reason your telling this creeper no is because your taken. It’s such a fragile ego.
#37
Pick me up. I'm short and have a slight build. It's not that I'm scared of them trying to prove how strong they are, I'm just terrified of being dropped.
October 3 years ago
This. My cousin has stunted growth. Now well into her fifties she's still about half the size of the average adult. Random men will just lift her up, twirl her round and set her back on her feet...
James G. Currie 3 years ago
So...she's left a trail of men facing Assault charges, I hope?
Load More Replies... Black Pearl 3 years ago
So many guys have asked to try and pick me up before because of how short I am and it freaks me out. I always say no. I'm worried one day they won't ask and will just do it.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
That happened to me so many times in high school- sometimes friends, sometimes people I barely knew. I really hated it but when I said that nothing changed.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
I have to say, I actually love this. When my ex picked me up I always loved it. But I think it's just dependent on the person and the vibe. If some strange guy was trying to pick me up...um no.
#38
Guy who I sometimes see at work, has at least 20 years on me, f*****g pulled my ponytail to "say hi" one time. So shocked that I just smiled awkwardly and didn't say anything. Like what world are you living in that you think that's okay??
Edit: This got kinda big. Some more details -- I was able to talk to him later that day about how that wasn't acceptable and to not do anything like it in the future. He actually took it pretty well and has been fine to work with since. In this case, since there was no escalation, and I know my boss and other coworkers have my back, I didn't feel the need to do anything further. While some people have good intentions and don't know their behavior is out of line--those actions still cause hurt. Personally, as long as the person is able to acknowledge that hurt and do better moving forward, I'm good with them. Malicious predators are a different story. It can be hard to tell the difference in some situations. Y'all be careful out there.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Believe it or not, this isn’t even a new issue. I’m 61, and that wasn’t acceptable to me even when I was a teenager in the seventies! However, I did notice that a lot of men much older than me—-and married, for f**k’s sake!—-didn’t think it was a big deal, because they’d always been allowed to get a way with it—-because women didn’t have the support network of strong women and woke men around them back in the day to call them out for it. The smarter ones either knew better from the get go, or at least learned not to do it. The idiots never learned, and never thought they were in the wrong. You may think your Grandpa or Great Grandpa is a sweet man, but there’s a really good chance he was one of the creepy older married men bugging younger women, back in the day, in so many ways that are absolutely NOT acceptable now.
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
If someone pulled my ponytail I would punch them. I have a delicate head
James G. Currie 3 years ago
At 5 or 6 years old, I can see it. Beyond that, no. Even then, it's wrong.
#39
When I was in the navy 20 years ago a warrant officer asked me to shut the door to his office. After I did he said, “I could have my way with you on that couch right now and no one would believe you. The CO and XO are wrapped around my pinky and I would deny everything.” my mouth dropped and then he cracked up laughing and said he was joking. It scared me because he legit had that power. He was a good ol’ boy.
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
That’s not a joke, that’s a threat. He clearly has thought about it and the consequences.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
I ask them what about rape they think it's funny, reactions vary.
#40
First date, didn't really know him. Comes to my apartment to pick me up, invite him in and he proceeds to tell me how he is going to rearrange the furniture when he moves in. Back in the 70's I always picked up hitch hikers, picked up this guy, he gets in then looks at me and says "you know you should really be careful about who you pick up". Guy I was living with:"I know you will never leave me because you can't out run a bullet".
Joe Reaves 3 years ago
The hitch hiker was right, but he seriously needs to work on his timing!
Claudia Coulson 3 years ago
Why is nobody talking about the second one? How could anyone say that?!?
#41
Flirt with me in front of their SO. 99% of the time she's going to get mad at ME, not him. I've had women threaten me and/or my family/job/other stuff because their man tried to get my number or complimented me in front of her. I don't WANT him, leave me alone!
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
This has always puzzled me. I’m the unwilling target of his creeping. HE’S the one misbehaving. But you’re going to get up in my face and threaten ME? What both women should do is come together to give him a very stern talking to about what kind of behavior is acceptable and why is NOT! Same with a man who’s cheating on them. Don’t get in a fight with the other woman, who he probably lied to, saying he’s single. The two of you should come together and kick HIS a*s for being a lying, cheating, sleazy dog! (No offense to dogs, who are actually faithful. I’m just using a slang term for worthless man.)
#42
when they emphasize that i DONT need to be frightened of them completely unprompted. no easier way of getting me to be on my guard
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
My bf does this because he was horribly abused as a kid, he's the sweetest guy on earth and is scared of scaring others and sometimes it backfires.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Too bad, because he’s a nice guy. But we don’t know him to know that, so I hope you’re helping him to realize his choice of words matters, and maybe giving him some suggestions for what to say instead—-and, most of all, that he’s listening and willing to take your advice.
Load More Replies... #43
Being overly familiar with me, in a situation I cannot leave. I used to ride the bus home from work, and my schedule varied very little. This lead to me getting on the same bus at 10:20 at night, at the same stop every night. A man who rode the bus the same times, the same nights, took this as me wanting to be his friend. He immediately started asking me super personal questions; the highlights: "You must live around here because you always get off the bus after me!" "Who are you texting? I wish I could text you!" "Who do you live with?" "You must work at _________ because you always walk from over there!!!!" This is after me telling him I didn't want to talk, and that I didn't want to go out with him. UGH.
​
Edit: Whomever reported me to redditcares, awesome! I don't need that. I don't appreciate it. The situation I mentioned above is being taken care of by the proper authorities, and has been for the last few months, thankfully.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Wonder if the person who reported her to redditcares is the guy who was harassing her at the bus stop, thinking he’d be getting some stupid revenge.
Sarah 3 years ago (edited)
I think you might be talking about the message people get that say something like, "Another Redditor is concerned about your wellbeing and has reached out to get you help," and has suicide hotline information and stuff. It's meant for people to genuinely get people help if they're scared for them, but unfortunately a lot of assholes use it as an insult when they get into an argument with somebody and send it to them, like "You're so dumb you need professional help." Found on R/NoStupidQuestions, so I was kinda right lol (Edited because I missed a smidge of the explanation)
Load More Replies... Who Panda 420 3 years ago
This is why I hate taking the bus. Most of the time it's cool but my area has a lot of sex offenders and mentally ill people and I get harassed on the bus and other places but on the bus your stuck! I'm 40 and I had an 80-year-old guy offered to let me stay in his apartment and drive his car. I just met him 5 minutes ago. I had another guy offered me his apartment and his bicycle to come with him. It's a big homeless area too so maybe they thought I would be swayed by this LOL but it does get sickening.
#44
Making unsolicited comments on our bodies. In my opinion this is never welcome unless it’s a compliment from a partner, it just makes me scared and want to run.
Lousha 3 years ago
It's usually more geared toward a sexual nature when it's aimed at women, but I hate it in any context. I'm a woman, and I used to work with my male partner. One day this customer walks in who was a regular but we weren't friendly, we never had a chat, just a strict transaction and he was gone. This day he walks in, looks at me partner and goes "wow, you've gotten heavier!" And just wouldn't let it go, kept going on and on about how fat he was. (He wasn't, just not as thin as a rake anymore.) I was so angry about it. Who the f*** are you to comment about this? It's none of your business. And I just couldn't fathom what reaction was he hoping for? What could one possible gain by a comment like this?
Bisexual Tiger 🇺🇦 3 years ago
here's what i've noticed: make compliments on something that they have specifically changed. eg 'the color of your shirt really compliments your eyes', or 'the blue eyeshadow looks awesome!', etc etc.
#45
Getting my number from someone else and reaching out to start an unsolicited conversation.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Or only is that a breach of your privacy by the a*****e himself, it also a breach of trust in the other person, who did have the decency to check if it was OK with you before giving out your number. I have had this happen to me, and it made me furious enough to loudly and publicly call out both the a*****e calling me AND the person/people who thought it was OK to give out the phone number (and in the case of a guy who stalked me for years until I got married, ex-coworkers at a job I had left telling him where I was working, and that company’s address and phone number!) of a single woman who lived alone!
James G. Currie 3 years ago
"Hi, ___________, who gave you my number?" "Why?" "Because I want to know who to send the Cops after for providing a Restricted Number to you." -- Fun fact, the Privacy Act where I live specifically lists cellular telephone numbers and e-mail addresses (both, personal or work) as Personal Information and you are Prohibited from giving someone else's info without a SIGNED Privacy Waiver SPECIFICALLY naming the person requesting the info! Fines start with 3 zeros.
Momma Stu the Clownfish 3 years ago
I’ve dropped friends from my life because they gave out my phone number without my permission. My safety, privacy, and security trumps all.
#46
Happend few times: I was working late in small market with no one around and when they come in and ask me if Im not scared to be alone. Well, now I am, thanks.
Claudia Coulson 3 years ago
Something I found interesting: 'You aren't scared of being alone. You're scared of not being alone when you're supposed to.' Don't know who said it buut...
Load More Replies... #47
Making crude jokes/double entendres if I don’t know you that well. Even worse when it’s in a professional setting. All you’re going to do is make me feel uncomfortable.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
And be reported to HR for sexual harassment—-AGAIN, since these assholes are usually repeat offenders.
Tash Wen 3 years ago
The best response to these types of comments/jokes etc. is to play dumb. "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean, can you clarify?" "I didn't get the funny part, can you explain what the joke is?" If they have to explain and repeat it they become embarrassed and eventually just drop it, because they (Hopefully) realize they're being an a-hole.
Momma Stu the Clownfish 3 years ago
Yes!!! A quick “using your loud big boy voice doesn’t make you any more correct. Stop.” Does the trick too.
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#48
Insisting I give them my number and then making sure their call comes through before I leave
Kate Jones 3 years ago
I understand why women do this but they should stop. If you don't want to give it, just say No. Don't give a fake number just to get them away from you. Say no emphatically. And if they insist, then tell them you're going to insist on getting security or someone to get him away from you if that's what he wants. Stop worrying about being a b***h.
Linda van der Pal 3 years ago
They're just doing t to stay safe and not escalate the situation!
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HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 1 year ago
Danced with this guy at a club, later on in the evening he asked for my number, I told him no, he asked why? I told him I didn’t want to talk to him. I’m glad I’m 5’10”.
#49
I walk and today a guy on motorcycle pulled up on me 3x. I mean dude if i dont want to engage, then dont follow, continue to pull over to meet me or whatever Adding: wanted to add that although my area feels very safe, I dont wanna see any vehicle roll up on me(no shoulder!), because on President's Day, a car rolled up on me, windows came down, airsoft guns came out, and they shot me with rock salt😤
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
Rock salt?? So that bit from Kill Bill Volume 2 was actually something that can happen in real life? Good grief...
James G. Currie 3 years ago
Depending on where you live, they're lucky... That is one way to end-up with an actual bullet being introduced to you at supersonic speeds.
#50
Sending creepy DMs on Reddit. Seriously dudes....wtf makes you think I'm gonna send you naked pictures of myself?? Immediately BLOCK.
#51
Using their loud voice when expressing their opinion against your opinion. That is when talking normally they have a certain tone and non aggression in their voice up until you disagree with something they have said and then their voice turns aggressive.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Shouting me down does NOT mean you won the argument. It just means you’re an A*****E who is dead wrong and loudly doubling down on it.
Kate Jones 3 years ago (edited)
It's not a guy's fault that his voice sounds the way it does when they get upset. My voice goes up, too. But I understand that feeling when a guy is angry and it can be scary. I still get nervous when my dad yells, lol, and I'm in my 40s. It's just ingrained in us. I think the bigger issue is to figure out why they're so upset that they need to yell in the first place and maybe take a few minutes away from each other to calm down. You can't control your knee-jerk fear reaction, but it doesn't always mean he's going to hurt you, either. He might just not realize that it does that. So talk to him about it. Hopefully he'll keep the fight fair and if not, walk away when it starts. And if he's doing it on purpose--leave.
#52
Sexual harassment while I'm walking down a street. I have a very prominent sway to my hips when I walk. It looks like I'm trying to get attention from men but it's just my natural walk. Despite what men think, I HATE this attention. Don't honk your horn at me...shout disgusting comments...or give me attention in general.
#53
Had an old man keep passing me at a public park comment about my daughter "there goes my girlfriend". She is 2. And yes, undeniably the cutest, but f**k that. That's just gross.
Claudia Coulson 3 years ago
An OLD MAN!?!? Hitting on a TWO YEAR OLD!??! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH HIM!?
Kate Jones 3 years ago
I have to say, this is a little bit of a double standard because I se women doing this with little boys all the time. Like if a little boy dresses up a woman will be like, 'Oh my goodness you're so handsome I think you're gonna be my boyfriend!' And it certainly isn't meant literally. I think it's just situational.
Shane S 3 years ago
Yeah but we need to just eliminate this altogether. It’s creepy regardless. Growing up gay, I was incredibly squirmy when anyone mentioned a girlfriend around me. It’s just a reminder that you’re not “normal”. Let kids be kids. If they make a joke about a bf/gf then fine. But don’t force it on them
Load More Replies... #54
Men sitting next to you in empty buses. It’s not friendly nor nice, it creeps us out.
#55
I’m of the male variety. I drive Uber a lot, sometimes up to 12/hrs daily. I treat everyone with respect and will greet them when they enter and confirm their destination. Usually I’m quiet because I’m more introverted and just let the radio play. I started to notice girls would enter their address in their own gps on their phones (one time it started speaking turn by turn directions) until she quickly fumbled and turned it off. I didn’t think much of it but then one time a woman got in the car and she was wearing a sweatshirt from a local festival. We started talking about the festival and how our families go every year etc. when we got to her drop off, she thanked me for talking to her because she said usually she is so anxious in Ubers with male drivers. I honestly had never considered that before, so now I always try to start neutral conversations with woman in the car even if I’m tired.
Lousha 3 years ago
Honestly you can't win in this situation. Women or men, some of us prefer to chat, others are more comfortable with silence. It's hard to tell and whatever you do you will make some of your fares uncomfortable. I myself would be very content if my driver would not speak to me after politely greeting me and discuss where I wanted to go. Being a bit on edge simply because he's male and I'm in a moving confined space with him is a given, but as long as he's not doing anything to make that creepy it's something I accept and is not his fault.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
I agree. I hate being talked to, too, but that's just because it's who I am. But I think the fear part is more based on your experience and you can't predict that. As long as keep remaining a good guy that's all you can do. Sounds like you're doing it right!
Load More Replies... James G. Currie 3 years ago
Speaking as a male... This is a no-win situation - for both genders - ask the Greeters and cashiers at whatever store you choose. A simple "Hello, have a nice day," can be misconstrued as "I want to have your babies!" by some (sick) people.
#56
Physical intimidation. Standing too close to me or backing me into a corner and making me feel trapped. It puts me on the defensive so fast. Edit for clarification: I know some men do this intentionally but many do it unintentionally. Often men don’t realize just how uncomfortable or intimidated they can make women feel with their behavior and body language.
#57
As a woman in the service industry and also in general a lot of men tell me to smile because I’m pretty. It’s something that makes you feel reaaally uncomfortable inside like predatory almost. Sort of like cat calling (but that’s a give in)
Kate Jones 3 years ago (edited)
Every time you talk to some guys they're like 'I don't know what her problem is...it's just a compliment. If a woman hit on me or complimented me I'd be fine with it." But that's only because men *want* that attention from women. If every day some gay guy was looking you up and down, telling you you should smile because you're so cute, treat you the way men treat women... yeah, maybe the first or second time you'd be okay with it but by the third time you'd tell that guy to f-off (if not worse; gay guys have literally been killed by straight guys for hitting on them even once. Straight guys get violent about it a lot of the time, but women are supposed to just take it as a compliment and stop being "bitches"?). Men need to understand what it's like to get *unwanted* attention. After a while, that effeminate gay gay who hits on you every day is going to get tiring. And if you don't want it, you're treated like your a homophobe the same way women are bitches if they don't want it from men.
TeenieMeanie 3 years ago
It’s just rude to ask someone to change thier expression to suit your mood.
#58
Not accepting no or anything you explicitly outline to them.
#59
Obviously can’t speak for all women but we generally don’t have a fantasy of “belonging” to someone in a controlling sense. A lot of men can be pretty controlling without even knowing it.
#60
Holding something sharp in an argument. Blocking an exit. Innocently touching me without consent.
Layna Sadler 3 years ago
There is no such thing as 'innocently' touching without consent. These type of people have boundary issues from the start
#61
Excessive compliments. One, is enough and sweet, but a couple more in the same setting…creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable…
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
I feel bad that nowadays some guys are scared to even pay a compliment because they're afraid of how it may be taken. To me if it's a respectful compliment and then it's done and over it's fine. But when it becomes excessive and personal it becomes creepy to me.
#62
Calling other girls bitches so casually in conversation like they didn't just drop the biggest red flag
Kate Jones 3 years ago
Or pussies. When guys call another guy a pussy because he's weak--- because having a pussy makes you weak to them-- it bothers me. I try not to let it because it's just become so standard to say that you almost have to let it go. Even girls say it sometimes. But it's kind of insulting. To some men, being a woman is the worst thing you could be, so it's hurled as a insult to other men. Same with F*g. A guy calls another guy a f*g when he sees him doing something effeminate because- again- being female is the worst thing you can be. It's also why there's a disproportionate hatred of gay men than lesbians.
Claudia Coulson 3 years ago
Something I find funny is that sombody calling you a pussy is calling you weak, despite women being able to push an entire CHILD out of one, but saying that sombody has balls means they are calling you strong, even though one kick to them will leave a man doubled up in pain. Expressions are weird.
Load More Replies... #63
When they taunt me about not wanting to have a conversation with them (a stranger). A recent example that I want to vent about: last week my friend and were smoking outside the bar she works at, and she thought she recognized her male friend. She quickly realized it wasn't him but it was too late and the stranger came to us and CROUCHED to be at our level (we were sitting on a step) and simply would not take our explanation -that we mistakenly thought he was someone else- for an answer. (Edit: we had already said and signalled to him that it was a mistake, so when he inserted himself in our bubble, I was like "alright there he f****n goes") For way too long he stayed there and purposefully ignored what we were saying and pretended to not understand, for example, he went "It was a mistake? What do you mean? I don't think anything in life is a mistake." Bla bla bla. He would turn anything we said into a question. It was infuriating. I tried stating politely that it was a mistake, we apologize and he could go. I tried shutting him down and saying straight up " can you please just go?" but he just would not budge. Anyone would have known by our facial expressions and tone of voice that we were not enjoying him being there at all and were seriously wanting him to leave. I ended up just grabbing my friend, we got up and quickly walked back to the bar a few doors down. As we were walking I heard him say "What, you're scared?" This stuff happens to me too often. These men get off of making you uncomfortable or knowing they're ruining your fun. I have to get better at ignoring them but god it's so difficult. They don't mind standing 1 foot away from me, talking to me while being ignored, that's easy. But I just want to scream and tell them to f**k off. I'm scared of them, a minute of it feels like 10, I'm scared they could get angry just as they could take my silence for a green flag. The thoughts that go through my head are incredibly violent whenever this happens.I absolutely despise men who do this, I am an adult human just like you, I deserve the same respect, I deserve not to get bullied by strangers on the street who have never seen me and will never see me again. Sorry for the rant. EDIT: The only funny thing about this whole interaction is that my friend and I are fluent in english and french, so after we explained, politely asked him to leave, etc... and he wouldn't budge, I started having a conversation with my friend in french and telling him to f**k off, and insulting him with a deadpan expression. Admittedly that wasn't gonna accomplish anything and it's an a*****e move but it felt good, kind of like reversing the table. HA! Who's talking to a wall NOW hmm?
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
I would have pretended to only know French and a few sentences in English
SCP-3998 3 years ago
I tried this years ago, backfired badly when the guys thought I was a stupid french girl and tried to take advantage. Like language somehow changes the meaning of behaviours all of a sudden
Load More Replies... Who Panda 420 3 years ago
This happened to me too. I thought I recognized some guy but it was some creep who proceeded to follow me insisting he was the person I knew. I had to get on a random bus to get away.
#64
When a man asks to come inside my place after a date when it wasn’t planned in advance during the early stages of dating; still getting to know them. Personally this has happened to me a handful of times. Sometimes the men who do this will insist on picking me up, which - yes - a gentleman will pick up their date from their place; truly appreciated. When they drop me off afterwards and walk me to my door (which - again - it’s a kind gesture), but then they invite themselves in, I feel trapped. I’ll invite you over when I’m comfortable. If they have the courage to invite themselves into my home early-on and spontaneously, what other boundaries of mine will they push? It frightens me.
Kallen Kneeland 3 years ago
At some point in history it might have been "gentlemanly" to pick up a 1st date at her home (she probably lived with her parents who'd want to vet him). In THIS day and age, however, it is dangerous and incredibly RUDE to want to know where a 1st date lives before getting to know them better.
#65
Catcalling or harassing pregnant women. I'd heard of it happening but never witnessed it until now. Now that I'm pregnant, I can't move as fast or as well as before and I'm having to worry over not just my safety but my child's too. It's terrifying in a whole new way to have a stranger looming over me and trying to chat me up when my body is contributing to my vulnerability more than ever.
Lousha 3 years ago
My Mom had this a lot. She was a pretty and tiny thing with a huge belly every time she was pregnant. She used to be catcalled before from time to time, but not very often. So she was shocked that when she was very visibly pregnant it became an everyday occurrence, in the most vile and disgusting ways. She loved being pregnant but this made it sour for her because she couldn't go anywhere at any time without some perv salivating over her.
#66
Or…blatantly taking your picture, with their phone, in public. Do they think we don’t notice? Even worse when their aim is clearly directed below your neckline.
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
When my mom was younger with my dad some stranger took a picture of her chest. She was big breasted. I said what did dad do? She said he was just amused and proud. My dad was a pig too.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
This is one of the grossest thing that has started happening in the last 10 years. I see it happening a lot. Like guys will purposely follow women up an escalator to try and get pics up their skirts or of their asses up close. Or they take pics at the gym- which should literally be banned. He should get kicked out for doing it. That is just so nasty. It doesn't even make sense- there is so much free porn online you can watch, and so many pictures. Why do you need to be a creep and take a blurry picture of some girl for any reason other than being a psycho?
#67
Commenting on how short or weak I look and explaining how easy it would be to pick me up or overpower me. Do men think I’ll think its sexy when they do this? Probably. Is it extremely concerning and scary? YES.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
The fact that this turns men on is such a statement to their own character. It's like guys who always want to be with virgins. That just tells me you're super insecure and need to be with someone who you think you can control. Ugh gross!
#68
Today I was at the corner store buying a bag of chips and cigars. As soon as I walked in, some dude eyed me up and down and kept making "Damnnnn." Remarks at me as I walked to get my bag of chips. I got to the register to pay, he was suddenly behind me and continued making, "God damnnnn" "Mmm" remarks. I couldn't even focus to pay, I entered the wrong pin for my card, my hands were shaking. I was scared and super uncomfortable. He even followed me out and watched me drive away.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
Sometimes if you confront them...not violently or angrily. Just like "what do you get out of acting this way? What is it you think you are accomplishing? When you grunted just now, you know I could hear you so were you trying to scare me? If so why do you feel the need to scare women are you a rapist? Were you molested as a child? Did your mother not give you hugs? How long have you been following women around? You were too scared to say it directly to me but you wanted me to hear you so have you always been insecure and inferior with women?...." Just keep going and going until they walk away. Talk to them like you're a census taker, like your asking for scientific research. It makes them super uncomfortable and they will walk away. It's a shame you have to do that but I promise if you ever see that guy again he'll not come near you.
#69
When you get close to me in a conversation, and I take a step back, don’t step forward. I’m trying to get some personal space. I’m making a bubble. Don’t invade my bubble!
#70
Yelling, even when it’s not at me. They could yell at the tv and it triggers my fight or flight.
Claudia Coulson 3 years ago
This is why I cannot watch football with my dad. Our sofa is tiny, and he ACTUALLY burst my right eardrum from yelling to loudly. Despite telling him this, he STILL is like 'Oh, come and sit with me and watch the footy!' And forcing me to watch it even though I don't like football. This is why I like my mum more 😅
#71
Staring for too long. Especially into my eyes if I don't know you. There's nothing more uncomfortable than unwanted staring from a dude you don't know like he can see underneath your clothes. It's a small disturbing thing that can really give me the chills.
#72
Last night I went clubbing and a guy asked me if I wanted a drink. When I said sure, he said coyly, “we’ll see.” A few minutes later, he left the spot where we were standing and came back with a drink for me. The fact that he didn’t ask me what I wanted and just brought me something he picked out was sketchy af. Also, he was acting like him buying me a drink was transactional and I owed him something in return. Those 2 things made me worried that at best, he was an a*****e and at worst, he spiked it. I didn’t accept the drink and left the club shortly after Moral of the story: if you’re buying a woman a drink, be considerate enough to ask her what she wants, have her accompany you to the bar and don’t expect anything in return
#73
Keep on pursuing me when I say no. It makes you seem obsessed. It worries me at what lengths you will go to make me say yes, or if you might possibly do something to any male I'm friends with. Obsession is a scary thing.
El Dee 3 years ago
Society, films and popular culture makes this worse by making this out to be something that 1st - won't be seen as creepy and 2nd - will work..
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
True. And they tell guys if at first you don't succeed try again...be persistent if you want that girl!
Load More Replies... #74
- Thinking “no” is just us flirting and repeatedly trying anyway. - Crossing the street when we do, and continuing to walk behind us. - Commenting on how little we are (personally, I’m 5’2”), compared to them.
#75
Getting angry/lashing out. I've been in situations where I was genuinely afraid for my safety when some dude (my boss at the time - I was 18 and working at a restaurant) started yelling at me after I made a mistake. He started getting up close in my personal space and moving his fist in the air all up in my face. He had to be restrained by one of my male coworkers. Turns out he was an alcoholic with anger issues, but my point still stands - be careful of your body language when you get mad at someone, especially if you're a big guy. You sometimes don't realize how it can affect the person in front of you, even if you know that you won't hurt them.
#76
Also, if we’re making out for the first time and they do something aggressive (like…pinning your arms over your head then holding both wrists with one hand, leaving their other hand free). It can be hot as f**k but if I don’t know you that well there’s a terrifying moment I wonder what I’m in for. EDIT: I think OP's boyfriend may have hit upon the perfect solution for this (see replies).
#77
Picking me up and moving me. I’m not very tall and dislike being treated like a doll to move around. Don’t f*****g touch me without my expressed permission.
#78
Instantly turning hostile when you said no, online or real life. Calling me antisocial and then insulting me just because I don’t wanna discuss with you, a stranger, how you like eating broccoli. Really?
Legendteller 3 years ago
It's scary how much a whole situation can change over something so small as broccoli, I'd hate to imagine what would happen over a major issue.
#79
Anecdote from the wife: waiting to meet at a designated spot near a public space, under a street lamp, but you're wearing your hood up leaned against a wall not acknowledging anyone who passes by. Told me it was creepy as f**k and was surprised when she texted to see it was in fact me just waiting. I guess body posture and lighting is a factor. Had literally no idea.
Kallen Kneeland 3 years ago
She'd PREFER he have his hood down so she can see his face, and to be in a posture indicating he's actively looking for the person he's expecting, not hanging back like a freakin' lurking stranger.
Load More Replies... #80
I was running the other day. Some dude who was standing a few feet in front of me stared at me and started walking quickly toward me while raising an arm. My gut reaction was that he was about to attack me. Turns out he was just trying to give me a high five. To him I'm sure there was nothing scary or weird about what he did. But to me it was this random man who was larger than me coming straight at me while getting his arm ready to do something that could have ended badly for me. I don't have the luxury to assume the best case scenario. I will always default to the worst case because in the off chance it IS a worst case I'm more prepared.
#81
3 years ago I matched with a guy on tinder and agreed to meet up with him. He suggested going to a park and when I got there it was a heavily wooded area with a trail and I stupidly followed him into the trail. We walked around for a while, sat on some rocks, then it started getting dark and we decided to head out but we ended up getting lost and not being able to find the exit and we stumbled upon a grave sized hole in the dirt and at this point it was pitch black and I was thinking it was all a set it up and that I was going to be ambushed. I pointed out the grave sized hole and he seemed scared too so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and stayed quiet. We finally found an exit after about an hour of stumbling in pitch black darkness. We’re still dating to this day and I’ve brought up what a horrible date plan that was, and how it came off the wrong way lol and he said he didn’t realize it at the time. It was a total curb your enthusiasm moment (I was picked up that day so I didn’t have a car with me to back out and drive home, so that was pretty dumb of me too)
SCP-3998 3 years ago
Why do people do this? I mean go to woods they dont know as a first date? Like...even if it has trails, forested areas can be very disorientating if you dont know the area, even moreso at night. Why ANYONE would think it's a good place for a first date, especially at night, is beyond me. Unless you two met on the trails, and know them well, dont go to a forest or wooded trail as a 1st date. Just...don't.
#82
Coming on way too strong, especially online sometimes. Or being way too demanding, about stuff at times. And this one doesn't necessarily frighten me. Just kind of freaks me out. But at work, have had two foreign dudes, just starting at me when we're working. Both have been box builders, and just continuously stare as they make boxes or in the break room. And I don't care how "nice/friendly", people say they are. You don't just non stop gawk at people.
#83
This dude used to come into The restaurant I was waitressing at and would wear this “Cum & Go” shirt and would offer to buy a bunch of underage girls shots. He didn’t realize he was creepy, you could tell by the way he paraded his friends around with his boom box and play loud a*s music on the patio of the restaurant. Apparently he was a rich prick who donated money to the restaurant all the time. After I left, I heard a story that he fixated on one of the waitresses that was nice to him, and he would follow her around and to her car. He even bought her a s**t Ton of expensive presents for Christmas which she refused.
James G. Currie 3 years ago
And no one thought to call the cops? Providing alcohol to minors is Illegal. The restaurant ignoring it can also cause them to loose their permit.
#84
Approaching while in a car and blocking our path with said car. Happened while I was on a walk so he could have parked, approached on foot, and maintained a respectable distance.
#85
Raising their voice.
AsexualShrimp 3 years ago
Vague? It’s a very brief reason. Raising voices are always to assert dominance or make a statement.
Load More Replies... #86
I haven’t dated in almost a decade and this recent relationship I was in, was the most comfortable one that I thought it was always going to feel comfortable.. until we went on our first date and I tried telling him so many times to stop touching me because I hate physical touch (now realizing I just liked him platonically) and he wouldn’t stop and it really made me feel uncomfortable.. he crossed so many boundaries. I wish I didn’t have to feel like this with someone I considered being in a relationship with. We didn’t even last a whole month.. I didn’t want to see him again. So in short, when they cross boundaries and make me feel weak and worthless.
#87
Invading my space.
#88
Push for romantic emotional intimacy when it's inappropriate. I'm trying to be your friend, not your girlfriend. Don't make it weird, it only succeeds in making me uncomfortable and not want to be your friend let alone date you.
#90
The only things they say to you (even if not inappropriate) are sexually charged or are inappropriate…
#91
I get scared when men get aggressive with each other… like I could feel an oncoming fight. Even if’s just a small bicker.
#92
Anyone making a lot of noise in public wants some kind of attention and I don't always have a good read on what kind.
What do you think ?
Macncheeselife 3 years ago
So many of these have edits because people tried to destroy them for not being "open" or "expecting the worst." Women do not have to explain their rejection of someone to ANYONE. They can say no for ANY REASON. Anyone fighting that clearly feels like they "deserve" something, which is the exact toxic culture that is being pointed out. These are so hard to read.
Lousha 3 years ago
It would be lovely if this was part of the conversation in schools instead of how much coal Poland produced in 1967. How to communicate with each other, how to make each other feel more comfortable, how to behave in a social setting, girls and boys alike. Teaching boys that their mere gender WILL make girls uncomfortable in certain situations and to deal with it in a healthy way. A lot of things men do to creep women out ARE unintentional, and the result of either never having experienced a constant background thought of "am I safe?" , or the fact that they feel awkward about the notion of girls being cautious and trying to handle it badly.
Anna Nowak 3 years ago
By reading the first ten answers I can assure you, it's not "without even realizing that". In most of those cases men really know what thwy're doing and do it to assert their dominance. Maybe some of them don't intentionally scare women, but they want to appear big and "alpha" because they believe that women want that.
Zophra 3 years ago
I don't think they think that women "want that.' I think this is just how they are?
Load More Replies... Jessica Bertram 3 years ago (edited)
common thread through it all: women are objects to be claimed, to be owned by men, that men are entitled to sample, control, handle and peruse at their will, unless the woman is claimed by another man. ALL of this is baked into our culture. 'Smile'. The feeling that they're entitled to sex/physical touch/emotional or physical access of any kind. etc. Men, do better. Everyone, teach the littles to do better and expect more. Cultural shifts don't happen overnight.
Beth Byerly 3 years ago
Yes, I like the way you put that, baked into the culture. I think, also, some of it is baked into our dna - there must have been some evolutionary advantage for domineering possessiveness over the childbearing members of the group?
Load More Replies...
Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago
Im a teen girl. I was sitting by myself on a public bench yesterday, and every time a guy walked by i got all tense and nervous. they didn't even do anything i just immediately got scared. maybe it was my anxiety but the fact that women have to just assume strange men are threats in order to stay safe is honestly kinda sad i think
Leslie Burleson 3 years ago
My daughter is 25 and she went to bingo alone the other night. A man sat down in front of her and said hi. At intermission he asked her if she wanted a water or anything and she politely declined. She was texting me the whole time and we were both kind of creeped out. He won twice and gave her $10 for bringing him good luck. We were absolutely sure he was some kind of creeper. I was getting ready to drive to the place and meet her so she didn't go to her car alone. He ended up leaving before the final round , and one of the waitresses told her he's a regular and he's just overly friendly. Security walked her to her car just to be sure. It's sad that somebody can't be nice without scaring young women. There is just too much danger out there
Lousha 3 years ago
It's like men and kids. A grown man cannot show any interest in a child because he'll be taken as a pedo. It's really sad. Known a guy around 40 who walked through a park, then without thinking stopped to gaze at a kid around 4-5 years old, because they were holding a very thick, large book, like an encyclopedia. He was simply surprised that it's not a kiddie book. A second later two women practically attacked him, and ran him out of the park, screaming pedo, threatening to call police.
Load More Replies...
Susie Elle 3 years ago
Robert Giese, if you're reading this, I hope your get some good, proper therapy. For a loooong time.
Hakitosama 3 years ago
Liking one comment on a random Facebook page.... Then trying to add you as friend and liking every thing on your wall without even engaging a conversation
Ray Arani 3 years ago
I was assigned female at birth, and lived the first 30 years of my life presenting mostly as female socially. I was considered "butch" for most of that, so occasionally mistaken for a teenaged boy, but I'm also physically tiny and "conventionally" beautiful so mostly people saw a woman and treated me like one. I had a lot of this stuff happen to me with guys, often taken to the extreme when they found out I wasn't attracted to men. But for the past 5 years I've been medically masculinizing (transitioning) and am viewed as a male 8 times out of ten. Men are WAY more polite to me now. But the biggest difference I've noticed is how I interact with women had to change. Where I used to get eye contact and an easy shared smile or meaningless flirting, now I get the same practiced polite avoidance I used to have to give guys. I'm careful not to flirt casually, or pay too much attn to women if we're alone, not to walk behind a woman for too long, even if that means I reroute.
Ray Arani 3 years ago
My main point here (ran out of room) is that I make an active effort not to scare women, and while it is a constant conscious process that takes energy and effort all the time...it's WAY less energy and effort than I spent presenting as female and just trying to stay safe. Guys need to quit freaking whining and complaining about this stuff like it's some big inconvenience. It's common courtesy, and it's way less effort for him than for her. I might have an advantage over some guys because I actually had the experience of being perceived as female so was on the other side most my life, meaning I know what to be aware of instinctually, but it's not that hard to learn. Try asking women you know who trust you what they do to stay safe, and remember that different women having different experiences and tactics is typical and all are valid.
Load More Replies...
Macncheeselife 3 years ago
So many of these have edits because people tried to destroy them for not being "open" or "expecting the worst." Women do not have to explain their rejection of someone to ANYONE. They can say no for ANY REASON. Anyone fighting that clearly feels like they "deserve" something, which is the exact toxic culture that is being pointed out. These are so hard to read.
Lousha 3 years ago
It would be lovely if this was part of the conversation in schools instead of how much coal Poland produced in 1967. How to communicate with each other, how to make each other feel more comfortable, how to behave in a social setting, girls and boys alike. Teaching boys that their mere gender WILL make girls uncomfortable in certain situations and to deal with it in a healthy way. A lot of things men do to creep women out ARE unintentional, and the result of either never having experienced a constant background thought of "am I safe?" , or the fact that they feel awkward about the notion of girls being cautious and trying to handle it badly.
Anna Nowak 3 years ago
By reading the first ten answers I can assure you, it's not "without even realizing that". In most of those cases men really know what thwy're doing and do it to assert their dominance. Maybe some of them don't intentionally scare women, but they want to appear big and "alpha" because they believe that women want that.
Zophra 3 years ago
I don't think they think that women "want that.' I think this is just how they are?
Load More Replies... Jessica Bertram 3 years ago (edited)
common thread through it all: women are objects to be claimed, to be owned by men, that men are entitled to sample, control, handle and peruse at their will, unless the woman is claimed by another man. ALL of this is baked into our culture. 'Smile'. The feeling that they're entitled to sex/physical touch/emotional or physical access of any kind. etc. Men, do better. Everyone, teach the littles to do better and expect more. Cultural shifts don't happen overnight.
Beth Byerly 3 years ago
Yes, I like the way you put that, baked into the culture. I think, also, some of it is baked into our dna - there must have been some evolutionary advantage for domineering possessiveness over the childbearing members of the group?
Load More Replies... Pepper DeVoe 3 years ago
Im a teen girl. I was sitting by myself on a public bench yesterday, and every time a guy walked by i got all tense and nervous. they didn't even do anything i just immediately got scared. maybe it was my anxiety but the fact that women have to just assume strange men are threats in order to stay safe is honestly kinda sad i think
Leslie Burleson 3 years ago
My daughter is 25 and she went to bingo alone the other night. A man sat down in front of her and said hi. At intermission he asked her if she wanted a water or anything and she politely declined. She was texting me the whole time and we were both kind of creeped out. He won twice and gave her $10 for bringing him good luck. We were absolutely sure he was some kind of creeper. I was getting ready to drive to the place and meet her so she didn't go to her car alone. He ended up leaving before the final round , and one of the waitresses told her he's a regular and he's just overly friendly. Security walked her to her car just to be sure. It's sad that somebody can't be nice without scaring young women. There is just too much danger out there
Lousha 3 years ago
It's like men and kids. A grown man cannot show any interest in a child because he'll be taken as a pedo. It's really sad. Known a guy around 40 who walked through a park, then without thinking stopped to gaze at a kid around 4-5 years old, because they were holding a very thick, large book, like an encyclopedia. He was simply surprised that it's not a kiddie book. A second later two women practically attacked him, and ran him out of the park, screaming pedo, threatening to call police.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 3 years ago
Robert Giese, if you're reading this, I hope your get some good, proper therapy. For a loooong time.
Hakitosama 3 years ago
Liking one comment on a random Facebook page.... Then trying to add you as friend and liking every thing on your wall without even engaging a conversation
Ray Arani 3 years ago
I was assigned female at birth, and lived the first 30 years of my life presenting mostly as female socially. I was considered "butch" for most of that, so occasionally mistaken for a teenaged boy, but I'm also physically tiny and "conventionally" beautiful so mostly people saw a woman and treated me like one. I had a lot of this stuff happen to me with guys, often taken to the extreme when they found out I wasn't attracted to men. But for the past 5 years I've been medically masculinizing (transitioning) and am viewed as a male 8 times out of ten. Men are WAY more polite to me now. But the biggest difference I've noticed is how I interact with women had to change. Where I used to get eye contact and an easy shared smile or meaningless flirting, now I get the same practiced polite avoidance I used to have to give guys. I'm careful not to flirt casually, or pay too much attn to women if we're alone, not to walk behind a woman for too long, even if that means I reroute.
Ray Arani 3 years ago
My main point here (ran out of room) is that I make an active effort not to scare women, and while it is a constant conscious process that takes energy and effort all the time...it's WAY less energy and effort than I spent presenting as female and just trying to stay safe. Guys need to quit freaking whining and complaining about this stuff like it's some big inconvenience. It's common courtesy, and it's way less effort for him than for her. I might have an advantage over some guys because I actually had the experience of being perceived as female so was on the other side most my life, meaning I know what to be aware of instinctually, but it's not that hard to learn. Try asking women you know who trust you what they do to stay safe, and remember that different women having different experiences and tactics is typical and all are valid.
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