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Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, high salaries and breezing by on ‘easy mode’ when you’re a man. No matter your gender, life is challenging. Your purpose isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. And happiness isn’t a guarantee if you don’t strive to move toward it. And there are a lot of things that guys would love everyone to know about what it’s actually like to be a man. Though, sometimes, we’re far too shy to say them out loud.
However, anonymity helps. Internet users have taken to Reddit to share the most annoying things about being a guy, after being prompted to open up their hearts by user u/justjuiced22. The answers, which you’ll find below, are candid and range from the silly-yet-relatable to the more serious. Have a read through the posts as you scroll down and upvote the ones that you agree with or that you were surprised by.
Do you have some thoughts on your mind that you’d like to share with the other readers? That’s what the comment section is there for, Pandas. So don’t be shy, share your own insights about the viral Reddit thread and what these men’s answers say about society, below.
I reached out to fitness expert Jack Bly for a few comments about masculinity, confidence, and men's issues. Here's what he had to say. "I’d say biggest issues that men have to deal with nowadays revolve around their inputs. Social media, TV, music, etc. Most people have inputs that constantly spout negativity and victim mentality. These inputs ultimately dictate their thoughts and as a result of their actions," he told Bored Panda. Scroll down for the full interview with Jack.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When I'm out alone with my toddler a lot of women look at me as if I'm an anomaly and a lot of guys look at me as if I'm being forced to do this. Like the "oof sorry bro" face.
It's weird that being a good dad is apparently such a rare thing that when I'm fully in charge of my son people assume there's something wrong with me and my partners relationship. I just like spending time with my son and pushing a stroller doesn't make me less of a man.
Monday 4 years ago
It makes you more than a man. Being a guy makes you man, spending time with your son makes you a dad. So now you are both a man and a dad.
Discordant Bluecheese 4 years ago
His superhero name will be known as "Mandad". Jokes aside, he still is a hero <3
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Haunting Spirit 4 years ago
Is this really a thing in the US? It is pretty normal here (Europe) that you do things with your kid as a dad.
A Head 4 years ago
I've seen this kind of story a lot, but I was the stay-at-home dad (in the US) with both of my kids, and never got any kid of strange looks or questions, at the park or in stores, etc.
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Ian Bartels 4 years ago
Thank you! I can't tell you how many times I've had people make comments or give me looks when it's just me with my kids. Yes, I'm 1/2 of the parent team so yes, I take care of my kids as well.
Annabelle 4 years ago
Wow never thought of that. I live in the Netherlands and see a lot of guys with their kids. The thought never crossed my mind.
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LakeMonster 4 years ago
I can identify. My daughter is in college now but when I used to take her places as a toddler people either complimented me for "babysitting" my own kid or gushed over how I was an involved dad. The truth is MOST dads are involved with their kids... but our stereotypes and media make Homer Simpson seem like the norm, not the terrible exception.
Tavi-The-Taboo (He-They) 4 years ago
Oh god- I can't ride a bike Period. This would just be death for me
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Emperor Kitten 4 years ago
Every time I'm asked if I'm "babysitting" my own kid I want to throttle someone
Jan-Erik Steinkrüger 4 years ago
My wife passed away, a year after our son was born. So I am a single dad for four years now (in Germany). Eventhough it seems more common here for fathers to spend time with their kids, I know looks or comments from strangers...
mcborge1 4 years ago
I lost my wife too and raised my daughter on my own. I know what you mean about the looks and comments from strangers, having to endured them myself over the years. It makes you feel like you constantly have to justify yourself to people who have no business judging you in the first place. Keep strong friend, you don't need to answer to anyone elses expectations, you're just being a good father to your boy. :)
Load More Replies...According to fitness expert Jack, the biggest issue for men is not having a purpose in life. That, in turn, affects all areas of a person's life. " I believe the core of being a good man is in true purpose. Men without purpose tend to be unhappy, depressed, lost," Jack shared his thoughts with Bored Panda.
"Figure out your purpose by getting clear on your values and what’s most important to you. As far as activities go, I’m always an advocate of pursuing good health as that is our foundation for our mind, energy, and mood."
Jack added that he believes there "absolutely" is "a crisis for confidence among men." In his view, the reasons for this are obvious. "Most men have no reason to be confident. 73% are overweight, 80% are in debt, 50% are divorced. The best thing men can do to overcome this is to commit to the journey of self-development and finding their purpose," he said.
The expert advocates pursuing excellence in health, wealth, and relationships. "When you do this, you provide yourself true reasons to build confidence."
RELATED:
#2
Male eating disorders get zero attention.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Bless Andrew Flintoff for speaking up about his bulimia struggles. We need more and we need it yesterday, too many males have been lost to this and it really sucks. You can't find help for your friend because he's male and it's so stupid. This was in the mid-2000s but it's no better today. Everyone can have eating disorders its not just women, and we all deserve support for it
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Ellton John struggles, and (rip) Luther Vandross too. More than we know..
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ravina nimje 4 years ago
Yah, even in all ads related to food and food disorders only women are shown.
Amanda Hunter 4 years ago
My ex was anorexic/bulimic. He looked like a concentration camp victim. He died this year.
jk nbt 4 years ago
it's the male drinking disorders that will kill you. You had fun in your fraternity with your bros, but every male bonding event involved lots of alcohol. Sad to say, a lot of men graduate from college & greek life as raging alcoholics. Go for help, guys, if this is you I am talking to. If you don't, this will eventually ruin your life.
Terilee Bruyere 4 years ago
Daniel Johns of Silverchair struggled with an ED for years. While it was truly sad to see, it was also refreshing that he wasn't shying away from the fact later on. https://tonedeaf.thebrag.com/daniel-johns-details-anorexia-battle-i-was-going-to-be-kurt-cobain/
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Well, not from *me*, but I've seen what they do since childhood. You can't call it "he just loves food" when you call it "bulimia" when a girl does the same. Nope.
chris reese 4 years ago
I have an unidentified one they say its acid reflux. But even when I take the medication for it after I eat I involuntarily puke...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Have they done a digestive tract study? I have acid reflux. I don't vomit. On or *off* meds. CT with contrast? I ask b/c I've seen people go with undiagnosed hiatal hernias, duodenal ulcer, even gallstones. I do hope you find someone to give you a full workup to make sure you are accurately diagnosed and then can get proper treatment. Yes, I'm a person online, but this is my life ----- I try to help people sort through medical issues/language to find the way forward.
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Karina Andersen 4 years ago
my sons'are 24 & 26 & they have told me that a lot of blokes are anorexic
#3
Getting very few/no compliments from my SO. I want to be told nice things about myself too.
Elin Noller 4 years ago
I think this depends a lot on the person you are with. Most women I know like giving compliments to ppl they love.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Yeah, I don't think this is a gender thing but more about the individual relationship.
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Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Something else with this, at least for me, is knowing how to take a compliment. My wife says something nice about me and I dunno what to say.
Auntriarch 4 years ago
It's dead easy Chucky, you just smile and say "aww thanks". Ok practice time, reply to Caro Caro
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MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
Aww. I make sure I do this with my boyfriend. Seeing him smile makes me smile.
Iapetos 4 years ago
I always tell my boyfriend how cute and beautiful he is. He always makes happy sounds.
Bexxxxx 4 years ago
I had a boyfriend tell me this once when I was quite a bit younger and I was so surprised! Seems obvious, I should have known. I’m single now but I go out of my way to compliment the guys I know when they get a new haircut, when an outfit looks good, when they say something quite clever or funny, etc
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
My husband gives far fewer compliments and far more "advice" and "tips". It is really frustrating but it is a way he shows he cares. Pretty common in his culture but it can be demoralizing. I find if I give him MORE compliments and praise, he reciprocates when his self esteem is boosted
Sakeena 4 years ago
This is a two person problem. Guys keep quiet about their feelings and give the illusion that they’re low maintenance (for lack of a better term) and are good with being cared for like a pet. Essential needs, and nothing further. Women get in a rut and forget to remind dude that she freakin likes him (I tell my husband I like they way he walks and he looks at me crazy). Tl;dr, communication yall.
The thread links to the broader discussion of what guys and ‘real men’ should and shouldn’t do, what behaviors are frowned upon by society, and understanding of masculinity leads to a healthy, happy lifestyle.
A short while ago, I spoke about men’s issues and masculinity with redditor M_RONA who gave some great in-depth insights on the topic.
"I think, as men, we need to be more open about our issues and acknowledge the fact that we face some tough [stuff], often imposed on us by other guys. There’s nothing wrong with being honest about what’s bothering us, and I think just being able to talk about some of the issues we face would be a major contributing factor to our general well-being. Something as simple as just asking our friends how they’re doing in life could go a long way!" he told Bored Panda in an honest and open interview.
#4
Dealing with other men. The number of testosterone poisoned, porcelain figurine fragile ego having bastards seems endless.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Yes, we women understand. That is really hard to deal with. I just avoid those testostercronies.
Martin Kaine 4 years ago
I read "testosteronies," like a new breakfast cereal or pasta design. I wonder what the shapes would be?
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Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
I’m a man who dislikes most men. They’re testosterone-ridden emotional children.
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
I generally don't like hanging out with men. I have some good male friends, but for decades I'd preferred the have female friends, so we can talk about interesting and deep stuff.
Caro Caro 4 years ago (edited)
If you read #17. I see a lot of women not having male friends because men act inapporpriate. (Not my experience btw but that's whats being posted).
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Kantami Blossom 4 years ago
I actually find that aspect quite funny. I am what I am and I feel no need to act macho or act tough, but I love seeing bawbags trying to outdo each other with tales of how much of a man they are. It's even funnier now thanks to the internet to see them describe themselves as Alpha or Sigma, and watching the facade crumble when I explain how pack hierarchy works and point out their use of those terms just makes them look like weaklings trying to act strong😂
Prestigous Cactus 4 years ago
Even in a male sympathising page, men get trashed. Probably something to add to the list.
Sam Chilton 4 years ago
I'm okay with other dudes having façades, putting on a show w/e. I don't like when they start being racist, sexist etc. just to make a joke and especially when they make you out to be the arsehole for commenting on it!
LivingTheDream 4 years ago
Not sure where you all hang out. The only time I run into guys like these was in High School with the jocks and the Golds Gym shirt wearing dudes drunk at bars. I have a low tolerance for fuckery so maybe I have just ended up with some really great men in my life.
#5
The assumption that because I am the father that I don't know, or am incapable of taking care of my kids. People ask my wife all the time if she needs to rush home when she leaves the kids with me. I am not a babysitter, I know what I am doing.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
Yeah, this is a big one. I gave my number (as the main contact) to my eldest's school and my youngest's childminder, as I work from home and live 5 mins away from both. But they always call my wife first. She works about 30 mins away from the school and childminder.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Tell them to change their order of priority in their administration. I've worked in primary schools and they all had a list of emergency numbers per child. Parents decided who would get called first.
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Pierre Carles 4 years ago
School always calling the mom whenever kid needs something at school, although we told them over and over that I work from home literally within 3 mn walk from said school.
Mimi M 4 years ago
For a while I lived by the sea. I'd get up early to jog on the sand. This guy was there every morning with his baby daughter. He'd stand in the water and let the waves come in around him and just hold her and watch the sea. Mom was probably sleeping in. It was a lovely (and not unusual - but still very nice) sight to see.
Philly Bob Squires 4 years ago
I raised 6 kids... 3 of my blood, 1 step and 2 adopted... but I have a d**k so I have no clue about what I'm doing. I'm 63 and was even told by a nurse at a hospital when my grandson was born... showing my daughter how to change a diaper... that I had no clue what I was was doing! LOL!I was old enough to possibly change that nurse's diaper! WTF??
LakeMonster 4 years ago
Yeah, I used to get this one a lot. I admit when I became a dad I had to learn how to do things... but doesn't everyone when they start something new? I made a point of it and was proud to do so.
Martin Kaine 4 years ago
And "Incompetent Father" is a frequent trope in TV, movies , and commercials, reinforcing the stereotype.
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
I've seen 2 types of dads on TV in Korea. The involved dad, usually has very young and cute kids. The incompetent dad that literally just sleeps all day and ignores the kids, even if no other adult is home. And it is considered AMUSING! Sadly, it seems to make people think it is normal to ignore your children if you have penis...
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Sowieso 4 years ago
Very unfair on both parties. And sadly still a reality for good reasons. I have lots of friends whose husbands pout when they are left alone with their children. Or who never can remember the favorite food, or the teachers name. In that case, time to grow up and accept some responsibility. They are the kids of both parents, if everything went as planned...
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
Also a reality for some Mums (including my sister) - not all of them are fit to be parents.
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lisa thomas 4 years ago
My husband was always the best when our kids were sick. He actually might be better than me lol!
#6
Not being able to talk about our emotions. Like hello, hi, I am a human being who would like to talk about their problems without the feeling of being judged.
Viviane 4 years ago
I used the term "man up" twice in a joking manner (in real life and online). I got weird looks the first time and told off the second time (and I apologized). It's no better than when a former boss used to joke: "I'm like a woman, I changed my mind." (For the record, he was a sweetheart, so totally perfect after I got him to stop saying it.)
Load More Replies... Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Or even show an emotion other than happy or anger. We had a pet die while I was at work and my wife called to tell me mid-shift. I choked back everything I felt until I left work because we are taught that you can't cry or grieve for something so "trivial" as a pet.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
In my late teens/early twenties, I wasn't able to open up to my friends. I ended up drinking every night to numb the pain. But those same friends probably had the same problem - they were unable to open up to me.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Brendan, that's sad. Do you open up to your so or friends now?
Load More Replies... LivingTheDream 4 years ago
I guess I am lucky to be a recovering addict. I have some quality men in my life and emotions are always talked about. It's how we stay clean and survive. Been at this for 30 years now and the guys who won't do this eventually get loaded again.
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
My friend worked construction and it was dead silent, aside from machinery sounds. Someone sneezed and the man next to him roared, "SHUT THE ____ UP!" o_o Nooo thanks! Not healthy!
BluEyedSeoulite 4 years ago
This is something that really needs to die. Men need to feel comfortable communicating and insecurities or simply what is bothering them. Too many men bottle things up and explode or break down. Not to mention the toll it takes on your health
According to M_RONA, one thing that’s happening in modern times is that the term ‘toxic masculinity’ gets taken way out of context, gets used where it shouldn’t, and sometimes misrepresents reality.
"While I absolutely agree that there are many male traits taken to the extreme that have horrible consequences for the people around them, I think the term is sadly being overused to mislabel normal and perfectly healthy male behavior," he explained.
The interviewee noted that it’s often other men who pressure guys into conforming and acting a certain way. This, in turn, can make it very hard for men to be emotionally vulnerable when they need to be.
#7
This might seem petty or dumb, but right now, my fiancée and I are planning our wedding (She's female, I'm Male, we're a hetero couple).
I'm SUPER into the planning. I'm not at all a typical "macho" "cant be bothered with the frills and pomps" type of dude. I'm having fun helping putting together this day for my best friend and I!
Everytime we meet with a vendor they solely talk to her and ignore me entirely, acting on an assumption that she's a typical "Bridezilla" planning this day single handedly and I'm just some Bro she's shacking up with. When I do pitch in, the vendors almost act in an "ooooook, dont worry big guy, leave this to the adults" kind of way. It's more obvious in some than it is in others, but its damn infuriating. It's extremely frustrating and belittling. My fiancée is aware of it, and sticks up for me when necessary.
Like snap dude, you're damn straight I've got an opinion on the aesthetic of our f@#$ing orchid placement, take me seriously!
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
I hope you're in a large enough city to find different vendors. If vendors don't respect your opinion, they obviously don't want your money. Take it to someone without the outdated gender norms.
Monday 4 years ago
You'd think the vendors would be thrilled to hear both halves of the couple pitching in with ideas....at least you know when they're on the same page and when not.
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David Struve 4 years ago
Yeah I still can't understand this. In an age where more and more advertising for new cars is being aimed towards women you'd THINK the people behind actually SELLING those same cars would be trying to keep up with the change and altering the way they treat their customers to match. Not alienating the very same potential buyers the manufacturers actually want!
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Cass Malone 4 years ago
It's like that for women at dealerships and mechanics... Anywhere that you gotta deal with car stuff
GoldfishCrackers 4 years ago
I hate stuff like this. Opposite problem, but friends of our family recently built a house and when the wife would share opinions and decisions the contractor, he would then call the husband to double check he was okay with what she was saying. He was like quit bugging me and listen to my wife. Like WTF.
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 4 years ago
I had someone come to my door to give a quote on cleaning the outside of the house, which I was keen to get since we're planning to paint the outside of the house and would make that easier - he wouldn't give me a quote because "the man of the house" wasn't home. So even if they came and gave an amazing quote they're not getting a penny of my money as their attitude is disgraceful. As is the attitude of these vendors - if they talk to you like that then just don't hire them and tell them why
Mazer 4 years ago
I think the best way to hand this is when first meeting with ( fill in the blank ), you and your fiancé lay down the deal, which is that you both have a say in how things are to be, that you must be included in planning. Be upfront with people from the start, set down guidelines and stop the person if they veer off course. I love that you are so involved. People need direction in working with anyone new.
Ines Olabarria-Smith 4 years ago
My husband got everything planned. I took care of the invitations (as in send them because we both chose color and font) and of some balloons we used to decorate the already gorgeous venue, nothin else. He chose the menu, seats….
#8
Being physically and mentally abused usually means a lot less to people than if it were a girl who were the victim. If the girl's the abuser and you're the victim almost no one will care at all and will almost always shame you for it. And when you try to defend yourself against a female, you're looked at like the monster
Penny Fan 4 years ago
My bro is a copper and one of has "regulars" was a body builder who was being beaten by his mrs. He was over 6' and built like a brick shithouse, she was 5'2" and 7 stone sopping wet. Whenever the cops arrived she'd pretend like she was the one being beaten and it never went any further. One day he just said to my bro "mate, look at me. If I hit her she'd be dead". Bro tried really hard to go for a conviction for her, but the CPS wouldn't touch it.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
This is a very real and valid concern. Men can feel trapped in a relationship for various reasons, just as a woman can, and if they are suffering, they are suffering. While it is true that is far more often the other way around, and that society pushes a narrative where the man should be in control and the woman should be amenable, it is the case that for an individual the experience is as traumatic whichever way around the balance of power lies.
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Madzdad the bard 4 years ago
I cannot upvote this enough. As one who was emotionally/mentally abused (and gaslighted) for years in a marriage, this is so true. I worked on it for years to really understand myself and the root causes of why it all happened. I ended my marriage, did a lot of further work and after several years met a healthy and loving woman. It is just not something that is talked about among male friends, I didn't even tell most of my friends that I had entered counseling to work on myself for fear of being thought of as weak. I now know that this is so far from the truth.
Bryce Greenfield 4 years ago
Went through this myself. Had to do anger management twice and was told, I was in denial and didn't belong there. (Was in Haven) stated going to another group,(husband and wife team) learned a great deal. When my wife attacked me a third time, the police finally got to SEE my side of the story and took her in. It took three times of her calling police and blaming me for them to realize she was lying. Man is almost always blamed as offender in domestics. It's just wrong and screwed me up in later relationships. Better now.
Mazer 4 years ago
Johnny Depp. This always reminds me of his issues with being called an abuser, he ended up being vindicated when she recorded an argument. I never recommend people stay in an abusive relationship. Some people prefer a known hell to an unknown Heaven, change can be difficult, but it’s never as hard as when someone is dragging you through the legal system and you are trying to defend yourself
Busy Panda 4 years ago
The Johnny Depp case is a good example of a female abuser. However, Johnny himself is far from innocent. What happened was this: Johnny lured Amber to sleep with him using money and fame. Amber, attracted to his money and fame, agreed to marry Johnny (not sure who came with the idea of marriage first). Well, both have anger issues and violent history, so Amber thaught she's pretty capable to handle Johnny at his worst. Problem arose when Amber realized after being married that Johnny was dead-broke. She had more wealth than him, and far more so after snatching the lead actress role of the Aquaman movie. By then Johnny became more of a liabilities to Amber. However, if Amber filed for divorce without the right reason, she would have to pay spousal alimony, like what Britney Spears paid to Kevin "Freeloader" Federline. Thus, Amber goaded Johnny to be violent so she could have the right reason to divorce him.
Load More Replies... Robert Thompson 4 years ago
When I was needing to escape from an abusive relationship, I discovered there are no shelters for the suddenly single men in my area.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
So, what's stopping men from getting together and building those shelters? That is what women had to do for ourselves. We did it ourselves. There was no one helping us, and we fought to make it so we even had a places to escape to when our very lives were in danger. So, go and do it for men.
Load More Replies... Terilee Bruyere 4 years ago
Terry Crews comes to mind. Abuse happens to both genders far too often. It's sad that men are looked down upon and women are seen as strong when they both survive the same sh!t.
Sam Chilton 4 years ago
I feel like this is becoming less of a thing. Women murder too (okay that's extreme) but domestic violence is shown to go both ways. I remember a Jeremy Kyle show where the audience laughed at this "pathetic" guy who got locked up by his girlfriend/partner, and JK told them it was despicable; imagine if the genders were reversed. Probably scripted for effect, but valid.
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 4 years ago
Abuse is abuse. Trauma is trauma. It shouldn't matter who the victim is their experiences should hold the same weight. There isn't some global scale of who has it worse. If something awful happened to you and you're struggling and you want to talk to someone then I'm all ears - no matter who you are, what it was or who did it to you I will provide a shoulder, support and zero judgement
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
Abusers come in many shapes and sizes and is not gender specific. It's wrong and should always be taken seriously and should never be shamed.
#9
Not being socially acceptable to carry a purse.
Like yeah, I'd love to always have my earbuds, phone charger, deodorant, small cologne sampler, and be able to store my keys, wallet, and phone without either stabbing my legs with keys when the pants are tight or having my phone slip out when I'm getting out of cars with loose fitting pants. I can think of so many things I'd bring in my man purse...
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Most Russian men carry a small purse/ document bag because of all the documents/ masks/ chargers etc you must carry. No one thinks it is odd.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
And anyone who can live in -50 degrees, eat radioactive borscht, and down a bottle of vodka, is more man than me, so handbag it is.
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allan dorfling 4 years ago
I have one...and people used to laugh at me so I got a pink fluffy one... It's amazing
NELSON JONES 4 years ago
I was well into my 40's when a new guy my age started in the office. He had a man purse and unashamedly had it slung over his shoulder every where he went. I admired the hell outta him for it. We became good friends. Unconsciously, he taught me a lot about self image and self confidence.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
weird hey, I've carried one since i was 20 in a super toxic masc culture. Never gave a rats.
Load More Replies... Michael Fernandez 4 years ago
When I was visiting London a few years ago, I worried that I might stand out by wearing a backpack. Turns out half the people in London wear backpacks. There's umbrellas, water bottles, those ubiquitous wrapped sandwiches, and groceries.
mcborge1 4 years ago
I have one of those, a nice leather one by Firetrap that I got cheap in a sale. I've had it for years. :)
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Wondering Alice 4 years ago
Is this an american thing? Most men i know carry a bag, because why not? I have never seen anyone ridiculed for it. I find it hard to imagine why men should not carry a bag. Even if it is just phone wallet and keys, why check pockets daily when a bag is a simple answer.
LilliVB 3 years ago
I was thinking in the same way. I live in Europe and my husband carries a bag more often than me as I find more comfortable a backpack. Not odd at all
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Frithjof Grimme 4 years ago (edited)
Think history here if you don't want to go for the fannypack.... Some things that disappeared throughout time are actually perfect. Got myself a leather pouch specifically made to attach to your belt that hold up your pants. In ye olden days...people would just carry purses around their waist. Backpacks and inner pockets did not exist. The LARP and historical reenactment scene is growing and with that the demand for historical products like purses, clothing, shoes, etc. So, why not use something that practically works, is available in high quality and a huge variety of designs, and looks decent within our modern conventions and bring it back? Just a thought....
Joel Hopkins 4 years ago
Just get a nice leather messenger bag or sling a backpack on one shoulder. No one will say anything, although with the messenger bag, some random guys may come up to you and ask your opinion on IPA's.
“A lot of guys were talking about how, as a man, they found it extremely difficult to talk and be open about their feelings. I think that stems from this notion that men are supposed to be so hardened and stoic that we never let things get to us, and if we ever experience a negative emotion, we shouldn’t process it, we should just bottle it up and 'be a man.'"
According to M_RONA, having a stoic attitude and a hardened mind are “certainly virtuous values” that help in life. But if these values are taken to the extreme and repress any and all emotions, the end result can be very harmful.
“The basic attitude of 'men should do this, and women should do that' is hampering to both men and women, I think, something both sexes are guilty of doing, unfortunately," M_RONA shared with Bored Panda.
"I think we all face issues of conformity and set expectations for what we’re supposed to do, and I guess it’s up to all of us to promote and cheer on people who don’t fit into certain categories that we make for ourselves.”
#10
Honestly, I think the most annoying thing is the competitiveness of other males. Especially when it comes to women. I’ve been out with gfs and some dude will come up and blatantly start hitting on her. We’d make it apparent that we’re together and then the ridicule starts. “You’re with this guy?” “I bet he really sucks at ____.” “I could be better than him.” That alpha male s**t bugs the hell out of me.
Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
I never really bought the whole Alpha/Beta thing. I kind of figure you're either an Asshole or you Aren't.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
yes, alpha, being the letter A in the greek alphabet, is A for a$$h0le.
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 4 years ago
Guys that do that are total assholes. I hope the gf tells these sh!ts to fu*k off. I have told men that when I was out with my hubby and or friends. Maaaaan
Philly Bob Squires 4 years ago
It doesn't work... I've told a guy once that she is my wife. He said "you may have came in with her, but I'm leaving with her..." OK jagoff... try it! He found out in the worst way how wrong he was! LOL
Load More Replies... LivingTheDream 4 years ago
again... where the hell are you meeting these people? I never run into this
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
"I bet he really sucks at underwater basket weaving." Why is that what I thought of first?
Allan Breum 4 years ago
Don't worry about it mate. They're just overcompensating for their Micropenis.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
So tell him to get lost. Are you not willing to step in when another man is making your partner uncomfortable?
#11
I'm 20, have no facial hair, very little muscle mass (barely started working out this year), almost no stamina, kissless, virgin, got slapped at a party recently (by some drunk dude), and I collect action figures (I'm still working on not being too ashamed of this one).
I feel like a total loser sometimes. Like I'm not a real man. It hurts, but at the same time I don't want to try to put on a fake man mask or anything. I guess I'm just too young to figure these things out.
David Evans 4 years ago (edited)
Muscles don't matter, you get to choose when and who you want to share your affection with, and you don't need anyone to tell you that you are awesome, you are! I've been in the Army for 21 years and I've met the biggest douchebags who were muscular egotists (I used to be one of them), people of a slimmer frame, and heavy set people and society focuses on physical attributes over what's most important; your character and how you treat people. As for collectables, I'm 41 and still like them. The times of people being looked at as weird for enjoying pop culture are fading. Those who judge people on their own personal hobbies do not know what they are missing. One of the things that took me almost 20 years to realize is that you have to love yourself first and appreciate the things you love without caring what others think. Do not try to be something you are not just to fit in societie's mold of what you think a man should be. Look for people with common interests and you'll find that there are entire communities of people that love what you love. If you want to get in shape, that's great for health but don't let those attributes define you. Best of luck!
Sheila Stamey 4 years ago
What donkey put this pic? First line says "no facial hair" and a classic ugly and needless shamepic goes up. Not cool Boredpanda! Son, don't worry, you are awesome! Your "real manhood" shines in the next to last line last line. You don't want to be a fake. If you lived here although you are very young and that's about all you might have to wade through, I know several young ladies if that's your flavor, and even a couple of young gentlemen who would adore a date. But, I would advise a visit with your Dr. Get an all over physical. I'm not concerned with anything except the no stamina and the depression. What you are describing here can be as simple as a low vitamin or hormone situation. A young man very near to my heart suffered for years, before a Dr listened. You are not a loser.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Hell, I'm mid 40s, collect action figures, Legos, build models...all of 160 lb. fully dressed...Married to a cute lil sweetheart of a woman for 21 years. She loves oppossums and raccoons and accepts me how I am... love will find you when you least expect it.👍
allan dorfling 4 years ago
Trust me there a males out there that has all those things and are less of a man than you are. So don't stress about it
Sam Chilton 4 years ago
You do you, dude. Be what you want to be, as long as you don't hurt anyone else. If you want bigger muscles, work for it. You want a sexual experience, same. Sometimes you get lucky. It's the human experience.
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago (edited)
Don´t worry. Most people at this age doesn´t feel adequate. Try some activities, that will give you a sense of victory, but does not hurt anybody. Maybe mountain hiking? Or, if you are more intellectual oriented - try competitions in writing or drawing...But remember, that your value your value does not lie in these things.
#12
Walking into a public restroom and getting your shoes stuck to the ground because of all the dried piss on the floor.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Sadly not just a man only thing, particularly in restrooms with Turkish toilets
Lyone Fein 4 years ago
Seriously. Why the help can't humans clean up after themselves? It's disgusting, people.
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Yeah, but also, everyone in there needs work on aiming. It's not fun for the staff either who need to mop piss from the floor because folks aren't paying attention.
Bexxxxx 4 years ago (edited)
I’ve worked in 6 bars, a grocery store, and two car dealerships and I’ve never seen the women’s bathrooms anywhere close to the state of the men’s! After reading comments here I’m very sure just got lucky though (I’m sure bar bathrooms are worse than average and women can be pretty gross too)
Lily Mac 4 years ago
Same haha. Don't get me wrong, I've seen some horror shows in women's bathrooms but the men's are consistently worse lol
Load More Replies... Lola 4 years ago
Hands down, women’s restrooms are much more disgusting than men’s. I worked in many restaurants in my younger years.
Lily Mac 4 years ago
Completey disagree tbh. 95% of the time cleaning the women's bathrooms consists of brushing up toilet paper. 95% of time cleaning the men's bathrooms involves piss, s**t, snot and blood for some Christ only knows what reason.
Load More Replies...Meanwhile, British psychotherapist Silva Neves told Bored Panda that toxic masculinity is mostly centered around a “general attitude perpetuated by systemic misogyny” than specific behaviors.
He detailed that at the core of these “distorted ideas” lie things like the notion that men should “always be winners,” shouldn’t feel any vulnerability, and shouldn’t be perceived as weak or soft.
“Men with toxic masculinity usually have negative views towards women's rights (including their rights to the freedom of their own sexuality) and they tend to be homophobic,” the expert said.
“A man with healthy masculinity is the opposite to these traits: someone who is self-reflective, embraces their emotions including sadness, anxiety and crying, a man who isn't afraid of their own femininity and believes that women are equal, and therefore are very clear about respecting boundaries and consent with women.”
#13
Being told that my emotions don't matter. You know what happens when people bottle up their emotions? They either kill themselves or end up on the 6:00 news.
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
I can't even wrap my head around someone telling another person that their feelings don't matter. They are feelings...we are meant to FEEL them. All of us!
Scott Moore 4 years ago
Look at the suicide rated among active and ex service members. More soldiers have died from suicide then by the Middle East war. Shows the country really doesn't value their service at all or they would have support for them. Guess the US didn't learn a thing from the Vietnam war.
Arianna Ibbotson 4 years ago
This really isn't good. Theres something stupid like 35% more men commit su1c1de then women. It's stupid. Men are human and deserve to get mental help too. Cant bottle it up.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Yep, probably 99.9% of all school shootings happen because no one stops the bullies from harassing their victims who have to keep those feelings bottled up until they can't...
#14
The stigma that every time I talk to a woman I don't know I automatically want to date them. Like f**k maybe I like talking to women because men don't open up about feelings and women actually listen just lookin for a friend man.
Elin Noller 4 years ago
It is a "stigma" because it is more or less a rule. All women have had male friends they thought were their friend that turned out to just want to get in their pants. The term "Friend zoned" exist cause of all those men who pretend to be your friend.
Nadine 4 years ago
You're so right the amount of "friends" that have stopped talking to me because they find out I have boyfriend is insane, I end up feeling like I only have value as a person if I have the potential to be slept with or something.
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Caro Caro 4 years ago
It's hard for women to judge if you genuinly want chit chat or if you're after more. Would make a great opening line: Hi I'm Bruce and I'm NOT looking for a date, I just thought you looked interesting and I want to chat". Hmmmm IDK
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
It would probably be advisable for a woman to start a conversation the same so that the guy she approaches doesn't make any wrong assumptions.
Load More Replies... Mazer 4 years ago
I worked in a male dominated industry, filled to overflowing with dysfunctional people. It was there I learned that men and women can be lifelong friends, single, dating, married, divorced, widowed. Having male friends in my life is wonderful. My next door neighbor is like a brother to me, no sex or implied sex in any of the relationships.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
I am still friends with an ex-GF and an ex-wife. It can happen.
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Ellie Chandler 4 years ago
im a girl, and I like hanging with guys but as soon as I start talking to nice guys I want to be friends with because they are smart funny and nice all girls around me think I want to date them instantly. Its like back off bro I just want friends.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Guys do the same thing to other guys. The assumption is that if I'm talking to a woman they never saw before it's because I want to date her. It's annoying but also hilarious the few times it was a cousin they never met. Of course, after their momentary embarrassment, they would double down with the next statement! Is she dating anyone? No, she's MARRIED...
Load More Replies... Shadowcat 4 years ago
I'm a woman and most of my friends have been male. Men are easier to relate to than women. Men don't always want to date their female friends.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
I liked having female friends. I didn't have to compete with them or worry about being judged by them.
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Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
There's a reason for this. I'm 56yo, and have never, ever been approached by a man I didn't know unless he was trying to get in my pants. Not once. Experience leads to expectations.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Yep. Just cuz I make conversation or compliment a woman cuz she has it dyed purple and looks cool doesn't mean I'm hitting on her or even find her attractive...I just thought it was a cool color like I'd dye my hair, if I had any...
Yunnan Kunming 4 years ago
Most of girls automatically assume that if a boy is approaching her as if he is after her. Well f**k off, we need help too. Girls get lots of help in doing projects while we don't get any help even if we ask for any help.
#15
Less annoying and more upsetting but: The lack of mental health outreach for men.
kjorn 4 years ago
i saw and heard some woman in the news just says stuff like: to hell with mens, we are more important, it's our turn. this is just some shitty way to think. it wasn't ok to threat woman like that before but it's not ok to take revenge at those who wasn't even there when all that happen
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
As a woman, I have to say that women like that are not better than misogynists. They want to end the patriarchy solely to install a matriarchy, not a society of equals. If your reason for being a feminist is to be superior to men, you're not a feminist; you're a misandrist.
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Karina Andersen 4 years ago
again parents need to communicate with their kids from when they are little, communication & education are key factors in helping their kids
otplus 4 years ago
Speaking from experience this is really a big problem, since we are teached to not express our emotions this can get really problematic. I got diagnosed only when i was sick enough to put my fist through a wall out of desperation. In the it was not a psychological problem, but even then it gets really bad.
Deutschland Mädchen 4 years ago
Crying is a human thing ok? If people are making fun of you for it go find some different friends or hang out with girls.
Phil Vaive 4 years ago
I've said this a few times - It's not possible for most young men to "stop hanging out" with their parents, stepparents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, classmates, etc. And acting like it's just one or two people "making fun" of a kid for showing emotion is entirely disingenuous, and serves only to minimize the issue. It's not a simple solution to deal with a lifetime of being taught to repress our emotions.
Load More Replies... #16
Shopping for clothes. I've noticed in every clothing store, we have this small corner in the back of the store for our clothes then the rest of the store is 95% female clothing.
DUN DUN 4 years ago
In my country we do have separate floors or separate rooms for men, women and kids sections
El muerto 4 years ago
the point is that stores have 3 times the amount of women's clothes compare to mens clothes, not how they are divided...all the colors and endless stiles, while mens are a few choices in a couple of stiles and colors
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Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
And most the men's clothes are grey, dark green, navy blue, or black. So dull!
ZAPanda 4 years ago
it depends I think on the country and the store. I've only got random weird colours, no blue. sample. https://www.yde.co.za/men
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Mindghost 4 years ago
Level -1, 0, 1, 2 and 3: Women clothes Level 4: men, kids, elders, spaceships etc.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Where do you live? Most countries I've visited have separate boutiques or half the store for men's clothing. And most of my students now do all their shopping online.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
It's so bizarre. Have you seen the amount of space devoted to bras? Just a piece of underwear to help with comfort. The astonishing range of bras just shows how fetishised breasts are. Compare it to how much space is devoted to men's trousers, actual outwear that other people can see.
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
That's because in general, us men only buy clothes when we need them and will repeatedly wear them, therefore, there is not so much of a demand.
Jon Steensen 4 years ago
on the other hand, it costs at least double of what womens close does. I guess they assume the same budget for both sexes and wants to squeze out every cent they can.
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Ieva Natalie 4 years ago
From a woman's perspective - mens clothes are usually higher quality and look better, where as those masses of womens clothes are usually garbage. I prefer to shop at guys section most of the time unless I need something "feminine".
Danjal Jannik TIndholm 4 years ago
Or that the men's clothes always seem to be black/brown/blue/grey. I want COLOURS, dammit!
Vladimíra Matejová 4 years ago
womens clothes are 95% pink. I usually buy boys clothes as they are smaller size than mens and with normal colors and patterns on them. smae for trainers. I dont want glittery pinky trainers...
Load More Replies... Steph 4 years ago
Probably depends where you live. In my country, the statement would be true in the rural area. But the closest big town, 35 min drive away, has even stores "for men only". And the closest large city (1h away) is totally 50/50 when it comes to shopping for either male or female. All colors and all sizes for everyone
#17
You're expected to just deal with a lot of things that girls would get help with.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
i agree like if your car breaks down and you call for roadside assistance lone women are given priority like as a guy were supposed to just wait and fend off attackers for hours
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Or your expected to be able to fix it yourself on the side of the road with bubble gum and bailing wire, and your less of a manly man if you cant.
Load More Replies... MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
My ex was being an idiot and went off with a shady friend but didn't tell anyone. He just didn't come home for 2 days, didn't show up for work during those days, didn't call anyone. I knew something was wrong. I called in for missing persons and was told, and I quote "He's an adult. He can take care of himself. We're not going to file a missing persons report. Call back in 2 days." His parents were trying to file a report, too. If it were a woman, a report would have been made immediately.
Phil Vaive 4 years ago
Ummm, I'm sorry, but where do you live? Just so I can make sure to never ever live there. I'd be going to the media about that response if I was you
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François Carré 4 years ago (edited)
But in exchange girls have to deal with a lot of things guys are usually not supposed to care about at all, like periods, birth control, or simply trying not to be harassed in the street or at work.
Phil Vaive 4 years ago
I'm not sure what the point of this comment is - for periods and birth control, help is available. And women are much more likely to ask for help from someone if they are being harassed. For things like mental health issues, certain medical issues, and stuff like that, men are more often than not told to "man up". Help is not available or less accessible for men with eating disorders, men who are victims of sexual or physical assault, and things of that nature. The point of this post was not that "there are things only men have to deal with", it's that there are things men are not taught to get help with, while it is socially acceptable for women to get help with those exact same issues.
Load More Replies... Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Is this not partly because women build support networks, and have therefore invested previously and are now getting help back? Whereas men just don't. They don't seem to see any point in nurturing relationships if they aren't getting something back immediately. Even then they often don't seem to see the point.
Jon S. 4 years ago
Definitely partly this, but also it is just something deeper about seeing men as self-sufficient islands and women as people you are obliged to try and help.
Load More Replies... Calyfan Yelood 4 years ago
men's way of showing love often (but not always) is trying not to be a pain to others and women's is often to help others as much as possible. We can all learn from each other
Neill Powell 4 years ago
Basically Society either says women are useless at dealing with certain things, or men simply "have to deal with it" themselves, alone
#18
Everything in your life is a competition. Every. F***ing. Thing.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Or just let it go...A while back, I just decided to not give a crap.. Was like "ok, you win, big deal." It was a relief.
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Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
That's what capitalist-forcing governments have made us into: Only think about yourself and having more than your neighbours.
Brian Michael 4 years ago
Guys compete with themselves, their friends, their enemies, their peers...it's always a measurement system. You are how old? You do what for work? You drive a what? You rent or own? Your education is what? It's constant and I have a large female friend group and I have never seen women pitted against each other in that way or frequency.
Load More Replies... WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Only if you allow it. "I'm richer than you." "Yes, and....?" "I'm stronger than you." "Yes, and....?"
Viviane 4 years ago
There's competition for jobs. However, there's no need for what one of my relatives witnessed: men at a desk job often competing in physical prowess. He learned some new exercises, but thought the contests were over-the-top.
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ThEboRedEsTpANdA 4 years ago
Honestly, same with a lot of girls. It's why no one can wear white to a wedding, or two girls can't wear the same dress if their both gonna be at a party, unless they're sisters because idk
#19
Being called weak if I show any emotion.
Phil Vaive 4 years ago
Kids can't exactly stop hanging out with their parents. Or teachers. Or grandparents.
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fire bug 4 years ago
I posted this before but I am a 44 year old man who grew up with four sisters. When a sad part of a show or movie (or even commercial) came on TV my dad and I were the ones crying. I now am married and have three daughters and they look at me anytime something even remotely sad or happy happens because I will bawl like a baby. I'm a big guy but I am very emotional.
Deborah Padgett 4 years ago
Showing your feelings and emotions is very sexy to many women. Feel anyway you want.
El muerto 4 years ago
women are emotionally attracted to sensitive men, but that doesn't mean will be romantically attractive to sensitiv men...sadly most women tend to go somewhere halfway...wish men sensitiv men even more sensitiv...man that sucks, makes me wanna cry, honest
Load More Replies... Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
And this bottling up of your emotions can cause depression and aggressive/violent behaviour.
Phil Vaive 4 years ago
Yep. Personal experience - bottled up emotions come out in other ways (usually anger). It's taken me over 30 years to start to learn how to express my feelings.
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Peter Hughes 4 years ago
Bro, EVERYBODY feels the same, in an ideal world we should all be fine showing emotion, If you can't do it in the open watch or deal with things in private. Sites like this will say cry in public but we both know that will make the situation worse... Don't bottle things up forever, but bottle things up for a short time - When my parents died i kept everything in until i got home - but then you MUST release that pent up emotion, cry as much as you need to - and then some more... get as much as you can out of your system, cos the rest of it boils inside like acid...
Randy Klefbeck 3 years ago
Too many times I have heard women lamenting that men are not open, or that they really want a relationship with a "sensitive" man. Unfortunately what they mean is that they want a man who is sensitive to the woman's needs and not really their own. Some of the same bail out when they get what they wish for, and in some cases mock the men for their sensitivity. This culture is f'd up.
#20
All the societal pressure that on you to initiate, fix, pay, provide etc.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
Yeah, I hate that men's success is measured by their wealth. Fortunately, my wife and I work the same number of hours, and she actually earns more than me.
Ozacoter 4 years ago (edited)
Yeah the preassure that men have for having an income is really sad. I am disabled and too ill to work but I am privileged (in that aspect) because as a woman most people are ok with me being a homemaker. (As a migrant a lot of people see me as a lazy golddiger but thats a different issue). If my partner was the one staying at home while I provide most people would judge him very harshly.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Yes...I feel these big time. Really and truly, I get tired of fixing things for folks. My job is to fix things. Everything from lawn mowers to 1000 hp pumps. Last thing I want to do is fix more things when I get home.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Sorry Chucky but my vacuumcleaner is broke, could you take a look? Just kidding. I get this but some blokes are so darn handy and clever at fixing things.
Load More Replies... Lola 4 years ago
If a woman you are with pressures you into doing all that on your own, then you are with the wrong person. A lot of us understand that not all responsibility falls on one person only. The same goes for women who are expected to hold a job and take care of the house and children.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Yea. This one ... there was a stretch where I was the "provider" and it still haunts my hubby, even tho' I couldn't have cared less then or now.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Me too. He started a new company, I paid rent. so bloody what!
Load More Replies... Karina Andersen 4 years ago
these things wouldn't be a large issue if they had parents who could guide them through difficult times, I have two boys/men 24 & 26
Jaybird3939 4 years ago
As a female, I really hate when men feel the need to initiate, fix, pay, provide. I've been on my own for a long time and I know how to do all that stuff. Just listen, help if I ask.
#21
Being judged almost exclusively on one's financial stability, in an economy that makes financial stability very difficult to achieve.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
I earn enough to pay the bills and look after my kids, with a little left over to add to our savings pot. This should feel like enough, but it doesn't. I feel like I should own a chalet in the Swiss Alps in order to be considered financially successful.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
You are financially successful. All bills paid and savings is very good.
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Mimi M 4 years ago (edited)
Time for a little 'whataboutism'. Sorry, can't help myself. This reminds me of what it feels like to be female and be judged almost exclusively on looks, weight and age. Yuck. And, btw, neither one of them is a good thing. And both miss out on the humanity, intelligence and character of the person, in favor of external characteristics.
Janet Sturgess 4 years ago (edited)
My Dad took me out for a drive and apologized for not earning tons of money to leave me. WHAT! Listen HEAR! Your goal in life was to have an awesome family cause you didn't growing up. Your raised 3 kids that adore you, you have a wife that puts you on a pedestal. You raised children that back each other up and are there for each other. You ARE Gramper - the most respected individual by all your children and grandchildren. Your LIFE GOAL was not to be a "millionaire". What you gave this family and Earth is so much more! Money ISN"T everything
rumade 4 years ago
Financial stability is not the same as being rich though. I've earned a low income for most of my life, but have avoided being in debt that much because of frugal and hard choices. When I started dating this year, I met men working for good companies, earning a lot more than me, who constantly talked about how they were "broke" but went out all the time, drank loads, smoked etc. If you stay over at their house their sheets are full of holes and there's no breakfast because he always grabs an expensive pastry and cup of coffee on the way to work. It's very unattractive. My boyfriend makes very good money, but is saving lots of it for the future, and uses it sensibly now. That's what financially stable means.
Bhumi Malde 4 years ago
Being someone who wants financially stable men while dating. I feel it's important for both the partners to be able to earn enough to pay bills atleast. Previously was in a situation where it was all on me and it is very stressful to be the sole earner.
Felype Rennan 4 years ago
The bigger your stored resources, bigger your virtual societal penis is, that's the way it has always been since the dawn of humanity
El muerto 4 years ago
My self, I went for a jobb that i love, it does pay the rent and I have enough to take care of my daughter and me...but it does affect how people, specially partners interact with me. something like you are not good enough if you can't travel or eat expensive dinners nights out...but as long as I have paper and pencils we'll survive
Karina Andersen 4 years ago
helping your boys to accept & acknowledge that yes times can get really hard financially
Michael Eisner 4 years ago
For me as an european guy, all these stories reveal a very american view of the world. Society seems to be worth nothing, everyone is an individual, who is responsible for his own fate. So everyone who is not "successful" by materialistic standards feels like a lonely looser. It's not like that everywhere on earth! (english is not my mother-tongue either)
#22
The male stereotypes. Sometimes a guy needs to cry and just let stuff out. Or being strong and doing physical work isn't his thing.
Vorknkx 4 years ago
Indeed. I am not very strong and can't lift heavy stuff. It's a fact of life, and I can't just snap my fingers and suddenly become the Hulk.
El muerto 4 years ago
I'm always have physically demanding jobs, from teen years on. and I work oout a lot...and f**k yeah I need to cry sometimes, and get sad or just not able to deal with it all some days, but I don't get be the little spoon, because I don't look like...by the way, I'm not what you call sexy, and that's not why I work out...but I don't look like the sensitiv type...so nobody gives a s**t if I'm feeling bad and nobody ever ask or give a s**t at all
jk nbt 4 years ago (edited)
Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead and invest the time & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a strong manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.
Vladimíra Matejová 4 years ago
stereotypes suck. and on both genders. if you are a woman and dont know how to cook like a professional chef and you dont make baking it your hobby you are considered useless by some. if you are male and cannot repair something in your home or are not good at other manual work you are considered useless by some... it is totally unfair and toxic
Rockstar 4 years ago
creative males are so underrated. Like these guys are amazing!! Just because he doesn't own his own lumberjack business doesn't mean he isn't completely rocking his interior design/ fashion/ art/ whatever the f**k he wants company. Stop basing men off of how physical their jobs are.
#23
Always being expected to make the first move towards the woman.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
for once i would like a woman that likes me to do that myself personally i am scared to make the first move in case i have mis read the signs like i think they are in to me but are just being friendly
El muerto 4 years ago
I believe if it was more common for women to actually make the first move, being an aggressive male would be less common. we grow up trying to figure out if she is looking at you, looking by you, or just laughing at you. and the code doesn't translate well across genders. I'm sick and tired of putting myself out there and be open about my feelings just to be judge and called a jerk, because i like someone and say it outright.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
I'm very shy, and I would never have the guts to make the first move. I always thought it was unfair that I was expected to do it. However, in nature, it is the males' job to attract the females, so maybe it's the same for humans.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
natural doesn't entail correct. Male lions kill offspring of other males. Imagine if stepfathers did that.
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Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
The number of women I've tried to explain to that making the first move is safe and easy. My days of dating a long past, but it is so easy to ask to buy a guy a drink, have a chat with him, and then if at the end of the drink the girl thinks 'not for me' to say "thanks for the chat, I enjoyed that" and move on. The guy doesn't mind, he's still shocked a woman bought him a drink. If the girl does like him then buy him another one!
Karl Geisel 4 years ago
Sometimes we're just afraid of being humiliated sometimes we need a sign that they feel the same way
Grant Barke 4 years ago
Plenty of women make the first move if walk through a red light district, teehee.
François Bouzigues 4 years ago
We only have to cope with rejection anxiety. Women are genuinely worried for their life or security in case they talk to "the wrong guy".
#24
Living in fear of being labeled as a "creep" or "pervert" for trying to talk to a girl
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
As a babysitter and a person who loves kids (I attract them to me wherever I go), it stays in the back of my mind that if I were make, my behavior would never be deemed acceptable. Sure, taking a baby from her parents because she's reaching out to me is cool because I am a small, nonthreatening female, but imagine if I was my brother? I'd never be able to do so. (Note: I had the baby's parents' permission to take the baby. We're now best friends, the baby and I).
Load More Replies... François Carré 4 years ago
And knowing it is the fault of all those actual creeps and perverts women have to deal with. I hate them doubly for that - harming women and ruining confidence between women and men.
Elin Noller 4 years ago
Talking is not creepy or perverted, it is HOW you talk that matters. If you ask someones what their bra size is you will get a very different reaction than if you ask about their hobbies.
Felype Rennan 4 years ago
I mean, other men cast this curse into all of us by being actual creeps and perverts
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago (edited)
This one isn't difficult. Only talk to women who are giving you the unmistakable signal they want to talk to YOU. Men, you have no problem interpreting body language from other people, so don't act as if it is impossible to read a woman's. If she isn't looking at you and smiling at you while holding eye contact for more than half a second, leave her alone. Approaching a woman who is making it clear she does not want company WILL get you labelled as an intrusive creep, and rightly so.
George Pepe 4 years ago
Or assuming that all we want to do is have sex. And nothing else, which is often not the case.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
So, what are you doing about it? Do you just complain about how this is affecting your ability to talk to women? Or do you actively call out men who harm and violate women? Are you keeping other men in check by actively changing the standard of how it is acceptable to treat women, or do you say nothing when you see bad behaviour? Men who say nothing, and thus by extension are endorsing bad behaviour, are part of this problem. So, if you don't want to live like this and accept the fact that women HAVE to be very cautious around men, then start holding other men accountable, publicly and vocally, every time they act like creeps. Start calling out your friends and family members for treating women poorly. Nothing changes until men start changing. And they have never listened to women about this issue. So, fix the problem that men have created, or just accept the fact that women are tired of this nonsense and learning to be quite happy on their own without romantic relationships with men.
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
As I said, women's experience informs women's expectations. When you've never not been hit on, you automatically assume that's the reason the man is talking to you.
#25
Used to be getting random b*ners at inappropriate times. Now, it's not being able to get a b*ner at appropriate times.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
We can all relate to this one. If only we had control of our penises!
Stephanie IV 4 years ago
You’re not an erection. You’re a human. Women who don’t understand the difference are toxic idiots who need to grow up.
Donkey boi 4 years ago
This is a real issue. Sometimes you get one just because you need a wee!
David Struve 4 years ago
Ugh buses are the WORST for this sort of thing (first part) - which is just great timing that it starts to happen when you're still taking that bus to school with a whole bunch of suddenly-for-some-reason very attractive fellow schoolmates!! And it doesn't get better with time when you finally LEAVE school behind as now you have to deal with the same issue, only you're now a legal prosecutable adult and the schoolmates have been replaced with complete strangers - some older in age, some not and none of which will ever be anything other than extremely offended at your horrific public display of depravity as if you did it on purpose and have ANY control over the situation whatsoever.
Grant Barke 4 years ago
Haven't had sex for such a long time that if an appropriate situation ever presents itself. My erection will be primed to go off like a huge bomb.
Terilee Bruyere 4 years ago
I apologize for the giggle, the wording was just too much. I completely feel for you. People look at you like some sort of deviant or a wimp, depending on which problem is happening at the time. Or worse yet, she feels like you just don't like her anymore then blames you for it.
#26
Having to feel I have to stay quiet about the way I feel about my body
jk nbt 4 years ago
don't worry about penile length, guys. If it is big enough to find in the dark, and if it is small enough to fit in the front door, it is OKAY. If you are worried that you are too short to make babies, stop worrying. You inherited it from your dad, and it was big enough to make you. So stop obsessing, okay?
David Struve 4 years ago
I totally get this. Having been an (often severely) underweight person my whole life, whos ribcage is always visible, I loathed mine with a passion for a very long time. I tried opening up about it a few times but rapidly shut my mouth when all I got back was "oh you're SO LUCKY to be so skinny!" and "what I wouldn't give to eat whatever I want and never gain weight". Or the worst ones - outrage that I'd 'moan' because "there are overweight people struggling to lose it and you should feel grateful you're not going through that" like my issues and personal feelings are totally invalid because someone on the opposite side of the spectrum to me is also, sadly, suffering. My problems and feelings don't invalidate theirs, and theirs shouldn't invalidate mine! Things are FINALLY starting to look up of late - I've actually started to be able to GAIN much-needed weight over the past five years .... and the reason for this sudden change? I got cancer. Yeah, weird I know!
Mazer 4 years ago
Bro. So sorry to hear you are battling Cancer. I hope you have a good support stem, if not plllllease think about calling the American Cancer Society to increase your support system, it can make a positive difference. Thinking about you *virtual hugs*
Load More Replies... Karina Andersen 4 years ago
no never be quiet, talk to your parents, they are the ones who can help you through this
Christopher Chaaban 4 years ago
Silly man. Our body image doesn't matter. Any woman will tell you how easy it is for you if you just give them a chance.
JLH 4 years ago
This nonsense is exactly why this article needs to exist. Because you absolutely have, and you're part of the problem.
Load More Replies... #27
Being the person to go check out the noise that just happened in a creepy place, to promptly be brutally murdered by some evil demon spirit
Mazer 4 years ago
I used to work as a security guard supervisor. I had many many men tell me they needed a different job site because the one they were at (usually a new development site) was freaking them out. I never ever berated them, I would talk it out, see how impacted they were and would often pull them off the site for another less creepy site. It’s okay to feel fear, it’s okay to not want to be afraid, it’s okay to feel fear and challenge it and it’s okay to feel fear and invest in a dog to have your back
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
My german shepherds are irreplaceable for this. Best security guards in the world imo
Load More Replies... Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
My wife always nominates me to check noises downstairs in the middle of the night. But I don't know why. I mean, I don't know how to fight, I'm not particularly strong, and I'd probably just freeze or run if I was confronted by a burglar. Granted, my wife is physically weaker than me, but she was in the reserve army, so she knows more about combat than I do.
Spikey boi 4 years ago (edited)
I hate this so much. I keep getting murdered by these fricken demons. That's why I'm going to make someone else do it next. They'll see how it feels!
gbic 3548 4 years ago (edited)
Damn straight. Her: "What's that noise?" Me: "I didn't hear anything." Her: "There it is again!!!" Me: "Yeah, I heard that." Her: "So go find out what it is!!!" Me: "I emptied the dishwasher and brought the trash cans in from the curb. You go check it out." Her: *slaps me* Me: "We agreed early on that we were going to share the household chores." Her: "Pleeeeeeeeeez?" Me: "Fine. We'll go together."
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
I don't mind that stuff, only this morning my wife called me from downstairs to say one of the cats had brought a mouse in and can I get a rid of it, turns out it was a little toy hippo that my nephew had obviously dropped when he was round earlier.
Felype Rennan 4 years ago (edited)
I mean if I survive is a win, if I die is a win too, I don't even care. Now surviving some serious irreversible damage is something that I really fear with all my forces
Moisturized Elbows 4 years ago
We haven't had this scenario yet but my boyfriend is hella scared of bugs so I'm the one who kills them haha
Natasha 4 years ago (edited)
Amongst me and my cousin brother, he's more of the so called 'scaredy cat' and I'm more of the 'braver' side . Our family teases him for being scared of creepy things or jumpscares . I seriously don't get it . It's ok to be scared, there are things that scare everyone . Everyone is scared of something or the other in life and it is ok . It's ok to be scared . Scariness is something one cannot avoid no matter what . Peeps should really accept this more . Get some brains, family, I'm sick of explaining y'all. Nothing's gonna happen if we switch from planning to watch horror to comedy. One night without a horror movie if it results in everyone enjoying a family night, it doesn't matter . It doesn't matter as long as everyone is having fun . Seriously, he needs better peeps in life and I'm tryna be one of them
#28
Probably the fact that we're expected to have the courage to approach women at bars or wherever else, which wouldn't be so intimidating if the perception of said flirting didn't depend entirely on how attractive they happen to find us. We're told "the worst thing she can do is say no" but it feels pretty s**tty when she and her friends straight up laugh as you walk away, or even worse, to your face. As someone fairly middle of the road in terms of looks, it's like "Oh boy, am I gonna have a fun conversation or are she and her friends gonna laugh at me, let's roll those dice!!!" Most of the women I talk to who decide they're not interested are polite about it and I appreciate those people, but some are just mean, and most of us guys aren't quite as emotionless as we're supposed to be. That stuff is a big feels bad.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
also approaching a woman and being seen as a creep because they don't find you attractive
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Do you actually know any women in real life? A man can be creep no matter what he looks like. Any dude who rolls up to a woman who is not indicating her interest to him is an invasive creep. Men seem to have no issues at reading body language in every other social situation, so start paying attention to women's and you will be fine. If she isn't looking at you and smiling, leave her alone. Men need to stop thinking they have the right to approach a woman just because they find her attractive. We aren't there for public consumption.
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François Carré 4 years ago
I feel this, but it's also up to us to be more relevant about who we want to approach. Very attractive and extrovert women tend to be mean, because that's the behaviour society encourages them to have in order to maintain their social status. Sadly, it works quite well, if you look at the amount of stories you can read on BP or other social media about stupid toxic girls who brag about wanting and deserving a rich handsome asshole in their life. Just let those people consort together, and go for that cute, shy and introvert girl who might be glad to talk with you - provided you're not trying to impress her or faking who you are just to look more attractive. Be honest with yourself and with others, date and befriend people who you feel might be your kind, and forget about that hot girl, you were just interested in her body anyway. It takes a whole man's life to learn not to think with his d**k first.
Mimi M 4 years ago
Very nicely put. I tell guys all the time to avoid the 8s, 9s and 10s. And I say 'avoid the 8s' because the 8 thinks she's a 9 (and acts like it), and the 9 (needless to say), thinks she's a 10. Yeah, I know we women don't think numerically, but for guys it's a useful shorthand. I tell 'em - 'go for the 6s and 7s'. Also 'avoid the glam girls'.
Load More Replies... Mazer 4 years ago
IMHO (never humble) the worse place to meet people is in a bar. I have met more cool, life long friends and once in awhile a partner through activities. Hiking, volunteering, birding, photography, taking classes…My last boyfriend was my motorcycle safety instructor.
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
Exactly. Do what you like, develop skills that interest you, and you'll find like-minded people, as well as actually have something interesting to tell about yourself when it's time to meet new people.
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Grayson Wrigley 4 years ago
Hi guys, woman here. I don't really go to bars, but I feel like this comes down to the golden rule and manners. If you're polite and respectful to a woman than she should be polite and respectful back, even if it's a polite and respectful 'No'. Rejection sucks regardless of gender, no one should make that process more painful than it has to be. (All this goes out the window if the woman feels unsafe, safety has to come first everybody, sorry)
El muerto 4 years ago (edited)
I know a lot of women don't want guys approaching them at clubs a pubs, but there are those who want it. and i many ways the only way to figure that out is asking. and getting a no isn't that bad. but it burns. I have to give one to the women there. is that some (too many) guys react hostile and aggressive when rejected, and many are reals jerks with to much alfa bullshit in the brain...on other hand, usually the guys that succeed better at "getting the girl" are those who are the asshole type. if you go out and approach 10 women, your chances are higher than for the guy who approach one. is a numbers game...and yes women don't often see that
Mimi M 4 years ago
On the contrary - women definitely pick up on when a guy is approaching them as just a number, versus something about them in particular that he is drawn to.
Load More Replies... An Co 4 years ago
Worst thing that happened to me was not a no. Instead it was me getting up the nerve to ask a girl out when her drunk friend came over and started screaming insults at me. Yeah, I was young and get that she felt scared because I took to long looking at her. So what. The guy you need to be afraid of is the charming guy with pills, not the guy too scared to talk to you.
Kirsty 4 years ago
If it were so easy to pick out they guys we should be scared of and the ones we can trust, hardly anyone would fall into the trap. The whole mess of the situation is that you have no idea for sure who is dangerous or who is safe until youre in a situation where it really matters.
Load More Replies... Philly Bob Squires 4 years ago
The "I have to have my lawyer ask her lawyer if it's OK to ask her out" deals today just makes it not worth it sometimes. Approaching her makes you a creep and and a pervert. BUT if she approaches you and you turn HER down, you're an asshole. Funny how that works.
Mimi M 4 years ago
Find some other venues (classes, concerts, meetings of various kinds, gamer groups, nature groups, etc) to meet women. Bars are a sucky place to try and strike up a conversation with strangers.
Grant Barke 4 years ago
Yes agree, another good place to meet women are in brothels I find. But they do require a payment, a rather hefty one I might add. Other downside, the relationship only lasts anywhere from half to one hour.
Load More Replies... #29
Baldness. Some can make it work for them, but most can't.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Amen...I miss my hair, but I don't wanna sport a skullet.
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Iggy 4 years ago
Most men can make baldness work. It's only the weird attempts to hide it that don't work.
Robert T 4 years ago
Repeat after me. I will not resort to a combover. I will not resort to a combover. I will not resort to a combover....
Load More Replies... Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago (edited)
It´s something that you can´t change. Like cellulitis for women. It´s somenthing out of your control, stop worrying. Intelligent adult people don´t care about this - i know a lot of guys who are bald and for me they are very sexy because their humour, kindness, wit...and a lot of women, which don´t have ´model´body, but are incredibly hot, because their personalities.
Cass Malone 4 years ago
This one is eh. Imagine being a woman with baldness. We're EXPECTED to have hair
Honu 4 years ago
I think women with hair loss certainly take a bigger hit to how most people see their attractiveness, but we also shouldn't expect men to not have some negative feelings about losing their hair. It's also way more socially acceptable for women to use things like styling, hair pieces and wigs to compensate, but men are viewed as overly vain if they do it. A woman who is going bald isn't told to just accept it and get over it.
Load More Replies... AnnaBanana 4 years ago
My partner is bald and I love him to death. He's sexy as hell to me! Besides, the reason behind most male pattern baldness is excess testosterone - so to all the baldies out there, you've got way more testosterone than your hairy counterparts! Wear your baldness with pride.
Mimi M 4 years ago
And some treatments (like Propecia/Sildenafil) for example can permanently block testosterone, leading to complete and total sexual dysfunction. Men have killed themselves after taking Propecia/Sildenafil.
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Ellie Rosser 4 years ago
Most can, honestly. Men should start believing us when we say it's a good look.
msminnie 4 years ago
I rarely see someone who is bald that I don't think can pull it off. I notice it a lot more than I used to and men shaving their heads because of receding hairlines or other hair loss seems to be becoming more mainstream. Baldness doesn't detract from someone's attractiveness, IMO.
Rickie Cole 4 years ago
I started going bald in my early twenties and tried every trick in the book to cover it up then one time I was in a club and a drunk bald guy got talking to me and told me embrace it - I shaved my head the very next day and I've owned being bald ever since (it came into it's own during covid lockdowns seeing other peoples home-cuts!)
#30
Trying to shave those damn hairs on your Adam’s apple without slicing your throat open
KJ 4 years ago
That's really not a hard thing to get around unless your shaving with a katana.
Ba Loeloe 4 years ago
Just pull the skin away to the side, turn your head slightly in the opposite direction and shave without cutting yourself.
Rockstar 4 years ago
alrighty men hear me out....hair removal creams. Seriously works miracles. Like I used to hate having to shave my legs because i would always miss a spot or cut my self on accident but i got this cream, left on my legs for a couple minutes and bam. Smoothest shave i'd ever had. Who gives a f**k about whether or not it's "manly" it's hella convenient.
memyselfandI 4 years ago
Similar problem happens with girls, actually. Shaving around the ankle is nearly impossible, as there’s a little area behind the ankle bone on the outside where the bone makes a little divot that’s impossible to shave without bending your ankle at very uncomfortable angles. And I have to go very carefully on the back of my ankle, the skin on that little tendon there has a tendency to be sliced open.
LakeMonster 4 years ago
If you have a tough beard, shave immediately after you shower.... or even in the shower. And then religiously apply an after-shave balm. Changed my shaving experience.
Jon S. 4 years ago
I tried that. Although I no longer bled, it couldn't pickup the hairs on my adams apple at all.
Load More Replies... #31
People saying that men alone with their kids are "babysitting"
C W 4 years ago
We have a toddler and she is the biggest daddy's girl. My husband takes her everywhere alone and as far as he's told me only gets people saying it's very cute. We've lived all over the US and are currently in Texas, and honestly here because people seem to be a lot friendlier and more outgoing than other states he always comes home and says they get lots of smiles. He's never had someone ask if he's babysitting or act like it's abnornal
LakeMonster 4 years ago
Yeah, if the child is yours it's not "babysitting." It's called "parenting" and a lot of us dads are really dedicated to it and into it. Some of the happiest days of my life involved me, my daughter, and a walk in the park.
Natasha 4 years ago
Seriously, if a woman handles kids, it's considered her duty or her kindness but if it's a man doing it, he's just 'babysitting' Is it wrong for a dad to spend time with his kids? Idk why people act shocked if a man's handling the kid This should be normalised . Men handling kids should be normalised .
AnxietyRiddenMom 4 years ago
My friend's kid's dad used to do this. We would want to go somewhere and he's be like, I'm not baby sitting! I'm like dude, it's called parenting.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
As a child, whenever my father would take care of us alone, I would say that he was watching us, in the sense that he was babysitting us. The rules with him were and are so drastically different from my mother's (he works most of the time) that I simply couldn't reconcile with the fact that he was a parent too. I've learned, clearly.
Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago
I'm sorry, but this one is still such complete and utter bullshit. Get over it. In the Great Plains, both mother and father taking care of their kids alone is called "babysitting". It has NOTHING to do with gender, and it's completely tongue in cheek.
#32
Never being approached by women. I'm sure it also has to do alot with looks but I can't really change that and multiple back to back rejections make you less interested in trying to initiate, you just feel like a bother at a certain point.
GoodWolf 4 years ago
Initiating is a problem. Some men don't seem to understand that approaching and talking doesn't automatically mean I want to f*** them right then and there.
John Brant 4 years ago
Perhaps he doesn't want to F*** either, but is interested in getting to know you?
Load More Replies... Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
It's mostly to do with confidence. This is certainly not an easy thing to gain, but other people will see how confident someone appears and that will make them more likely to make a move.
Jon Steensen 4 years ago (edited)
To some extend you can change your look, and influence how you are percieved. It is true that there are some features that you do not have under control, but there is also a lot you can do grommingwise to become more atractive. E.g. you can get a haircut that suits the rest of your face, you can make sure that your beard is well trimmed, and the type of beard you choose can influence how your jawline is percieved. You can choose to train or eat better and shape your body to some extend. The clothes you wear also has a big influence on how you are percieved, since it can be used to either accentuates or hides certain body features. E.i. a nice suit can to some extend hide a bulging belly and can add some shoulder and breast width by use of shoulder pads and stiffening of the front. A lot of your charisma is also determined by how you carry yourself, and the things you say. A straight back, a genuine smile and an open selfconfident bodylanguage has a huge impact on most people around you
#33
Society's view of what's masculine when you're a straight small male that doesn't try to be super masculine.
#34
People instantly assuming you’re a pedophile when you try to talk to younger girls. Like can’t I just be nice. Girls aren’t judged when they talk to younger guys.
C W 4 years ago
This one is tough. As someone who was a younger girl, a LOT of the older men who would talk to me would start nice, then quickly become a creep as I dropped my guard (talking about my body, asking if my chest was real, creeeepy). This was the majority, I'd actually feel a little surprised if someone was just being nice. I think the bad eggs ruin it for the nice men, this one is really sad. I was a nurse though and it does happen to men too, soo many older women would hit on our male nurses or try to touch them. I would shut that s**t down so fast. Creepy old lady.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
This is so sad. It only takes 1 person to ruin it for the rest and there is more than 1. I do work as a tutor for children seeking to be the first generation to go to college. The school has a bank of ~ 20 volunteers who sign up to help after school every day. If no women sign up to work a day and its only men, the tutoring is cancelled. These kids are trying to end the poverty cycle and our society's history of abuse is stopping it.
Load More Replies... Lyone Fein 4 years ago
Some of this problem is because of limitations in the English language. In Hindi, for example, there are common terms that younger people use for all older people (auntie, uncle, gramps, distinguished one). And also the other way around (daughter, son, little brother). If we had such generation distinguishing terms as part of our common usage, then younger folks would know when an older person sees them in sexual terms (sweetheart, honey) versus more platonic terms.
Ruby 4 years ago
Friend of mine struggled with this. When he went to a new college he started talking to some classmates who happened to be a few years younger then him. At some point there were rumours he was a pedo (he was like 24, and talked to people who were like 18 or 19). He had no romantic interest or anything, they just had similair interests and wanted to be friends
#35
I'm in Iran and in Iran, men must perform a 2 years Forced military service after age 18 in a really bad situation and if you don't you can't travel to another country! as a male it's really annoying for me because I don't want to waste 2 years of my life.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Yeah my Russian students try to hide from the army too ( one year forced service) by getting fake letters about fitness issues or staying enrolled in uni till they are 27. I think its a crap system. No one likes it and they can't learn enough to be really effective fighters
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
Its less about making you an elite fighting force and more about creating a militia. When Hitler invaded Russia, they had a sitting army (including reserves) of ~ 5 million people. By the end of 1941 over 99% of them were dead. 2 million untrained farmers and grocers died in Stalingrad and most of those died within 48 hours because they had no idea what to do. 8.9 million of the 11 million who served died during the war. Thy didn't have the baby boom the West did after the war because their young people were dead (1940 fertility rate 4.73, 1945-2.58, 1950-2.85, 1955-2.86) Forced service arose so if the US invaded tomorrow in 1963, every young person could be called on to pick up the weapon they were trained on or the engine in the destroyer they served and defend the motherland and survive.
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WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
I'm so old that I got drafted in the Dutch army. They let me go in my 3th week there because of health problems. The CO got sick of me.
Jon Steensen 4 years ago (edited)
You can't really force someone to do it against their will. And if you try, you get a real bad result. Someone hating what they do often loose all motivation for the tasks they are given, which may demoralise the others and make them work against you and not for you, which may be really dangerous in a battle situation. All you achieve is someone working actively to be kicked out as soon as posible, e.i. by smoking weed, or starting fights etc. For that reason you can choose to do civil duties in my country by refusing to join the army. That way the army do not have to deal with those who don't want to be there, but denying to join is not a get out of jail free card that anyone would choose to play. Instead they will do something else that is useful. e.g. fighting fires.
spatoko coco 4 years ago
In Nigeria its 1 year, and honestly the purpose of the program has long been defeated because we still stand very disunited.
#36
I hate shaving my face so often.
François Carré 4 years ago
Shaved face is a strange standard if you think about it. I grew my beard many years ago and got used to take care of it as I do for my hair, not because it was fashionable (it was long before long beards became trendy again, actually) but because I felt more complete with it, like this is how my face should look. I mean, facial hair is natural and I don't feel the need to transform my body a lot to find my true self (I can understand perfectly that other people do, though). Maybe some women happened to find me less attractive due to that beard, but hey girl, that's just who I am, if you're deterred by a beard I guess we wouldn't really have anything to do with each other anyway. Besides, I guess we all should pay less attention to hair in general and facial hair in particular, because women have it too and it should'nt be a problem - we're all apes after all.
DC 4 years ago
Me too. But, also, I don't like having a beard, and one of the hairs interferes with a scar I got when I was two years old and outengineered a safety measure, pulled open a drawer and accidented onto it, face first. Truly hurts when I bow that damned hair ... pulled it out several times, last a bit longer, but eventually, it always regrows.
Sleazy Weaver 4 years ago
To all the people saying "Grow a beard!" what if he doesn't want to? What if he really likes the clean-shaven look, but hates how difficult it is to maintain? What if, even if he liked the look of beards, his own facial hair grows too patchy to have one? That's how it is for me.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
They usually don't have redo it the same day to avoid people making comments about them looking rough. For some men, shaving is our version of make-up where you have to touch up throughout the day or you look like a hobo. Its a pain. Some guys get 5 o'clock shadow. I get noon. Pale alabaster Scandinavian skin and the ability to grow a beard to keep you warm combined with dark, thick hairs from my Semitic heritage. I had a boss buy me an electric razor to use before client meetings.
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Vorknkx 4 years ago
You're lucky, then. Mine tends to grow quickly, so one shave per week is not enough.
Load More Replies... Ba Loeloe 4 years ago
Grow a beard. Actualy beards need a lot of attention, depending on type of beard. Mine needs too much work but I like the look.
Steffen Rehm 4 years ago
I would like to grow a beard, but i´m afraid my facial hair do not exist in this reality the way my other hair does. On the other hand, i will not get bald, so there is that. I like to have at least beard stubble, but my wife hates them, so i have to shave once in a while.
Load More Replies... WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
If you use quality blades and a quality shaving foam you don't need to shave so often.
Ba Loeloe 4 years ago
BS it's always a hassle to shave. Quality only means you can use the blade more than once.
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#37
Assuming everything doesn't mean anything to me. Like I love my friends and girlfriend, I like my stuff, people don't seem to get that
An Co 4 years ago
This is a subtle one. When you move in, they expect you to throw out the old stuff. That is the stuff you love. The chair you bought in college. The ugly clothing you wore the first time you got a Yes from a girl. Etc. etc.
Shawn Brooks 4 years ago (edited)
My ex-wife had terrible taste and just assumed we'd throw out all my stuff for her stuff. That was a fun battle.
Load More Replies... WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Sorry, but this is a "guy thing". I'd say it would be the contrary: the stereotype of guys being more attached to muscle cars, guns, fishing gear and their drinking friends, than to their SO and their kids.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
I think he means that most people expect guys to be emotionless husks who are attached to nothing and nobody.
Load More Replies... #38
People assuming youre gay for liking certain things like; "girly" drinks listening to Lady Gaga/One direction/madonna (for example) not liking sports hanging out with girls being dramatic Like, its just weird. This doesnt stop me from doing this, but the fact that guys are made to feel ashamed for these things is horrible. (Nothing wrong with being gay, its just not that fun when youre actually NOT gay.)
Natasha 4 years ago
Ugh the gender norms again . No matter what, at the end of the day, we're all still humans right?
Theoretical Empiricist 4 years ago
Too many people would argue against that point.
Load More Replies... Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
If you're lucky you age out of this. You decide its fine to enjoy a pina colada while gardening instead of watching basketball. You only have so many hours of free time and you decide to not waste it doing what others think is fun. That pina colada still won't stop you from watching "Star Wars" for the 456th time no matter your gender.
Mazer 4 years ago
Effeminate men are the best. I had more than enough of macho manly men in my life before I was 10, my career path was loaded with hyper masculine men acting like boys, an instant turn off for many women. Be you, there will ALWAYS be someone to tell you no or that you are wrong or whatever, the key is to remember that shitty attitude really has nothing to do with you, that crappy attitude would be directed towards anyone they chose to bully. It’s on them not on you
#39
Other guys being completely disgusting in public restrooms, there's f***ing puddles in front of the urinal, hair on the bottom of the urinal, toilet paper strewn across the place, and they don't flush sometimes even when #2. Gross.
Nick S 3 years ago
In middle school, during the winter, the boys would p**s on the radiator in the bathroom, and it would stink up the hallway something fierce. Idk which was worse, the smell of hot p**s or the smell of the hot bleach they would use to clean it. Only ever went to the bathroom once the entire year and that was just to clean something off of my pants
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
But at least they don't stick used tampons and pads on mirrors or get toilets clogged with them. Source: I've worked in bars for a very short time.
#40
Nobody really cares about your well-being except your mom.
allan dorfling 4 years ago
And when you show her affection your are a mommies boy... Luckily I don't mind being one...
C W 4 years ago
Not a mommy's boy. Advice I've heard a bunch is the way a man treats his mom is very likely going to mimic how he treats you. It's been that way 100% of the time for me. And even before that advice I always thought it's extremely sweet when a son still openly loves his mom.
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#41
Men’s swimming suits. . The mesh on the inside rubs and chafes your upper thighs. The only solution is to either wear speedos (gross) or underwear under my shorts while swimming.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
I think the budgie smugglers can be too tight and uncomfortable.
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Joel Hopkins 4 years ago
Yeah, and some of the quick dry drawers from like Duluth or Ex Officio.
Load More Replies... Ruby 4 years ago
Wait wait wait, so that's the reason why guys wear underwear under their swimming shorts?! Always wondered what was up with that
ZAPanda 4 years ago
er, it flaps about. or gets... pointy. nuisance really.
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Johan van Luijn-Hermans 4 years ago
Just buy others that you can wear nicely. You have better mesh, no mesh, buy a speedo, don't get stuck with a branded one, the cheap ones seem to sit better for me. Damn just buy and wear something comfy, this goes for all clothing. So many solutions for this. Only one in the list I feel that does not belong into it.!
George Pepe 4 years ago
And when you do the second option, the wet underwear is such a pain to remove.
#42
Being told that you are privileged by people with more money and privilege than you.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Not a specific "men only" thing. Entitled idiots don't care about gender when it comes to making stupid comments.
#43
Everyone expects me to lift and carry the heavy s**t.
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
This is the only area where in general men are of an advantage to women: physical strength. That's just how it is.
memyselfandI 4 years ago
Yeah, I wish people would understand that yes, there is a biological advantage, no, that doesn’t mean all women are always weaker than all men, and no, that doesn’t mean women are incapable of lifting anything. I’m a fairly strong woman, I can pick up a lot of the men I know, so it bugs me sometimes when people offer to carry stuff as if I can’t. It’s not sexist to say men are often stronger, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to say they’re always stronger.
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 4 years ago
That's true. Not because I think you should but because I think you can. I can't ...
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
Its still a gender based double standard. I've had my ass kicked while baling hay by the teenage daughters of the farmer I'm working for because they throw them around every day. Most of South-East Asia is ran off the strength of 146 year old grandmas carrying x to y. If one person can't carry it, use both. Don't have one just sit and watch.
Load More Replies... Peter Hughes 4 years ago
i work in a warehouse (jeff bazos stylee) and occasionally there are heavy loads for women to lift. My natural reaction (being a kind person and over 220 lbs and over 6 ft) is to help, but this is seen as sexist in the workplace. Thankfully, outside of work, i can still be a 'gentleman'.
#44
Most girls expecting you to pay for everything all the time.
Lilith the Demon Panda 4 years ago
well, my experience is different... boy insisting on paying then assuming she "owes" him and if she doesn't want to sleep with him he accuses her of only talking to him for the free drinks (that's why I never let boys pay for me)
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
This has been my experience too. I've never let guys I haven't been in a relationship pay for my meals/ drinks/ expenses for this reason.
Load More Replies... Jon Steensen 4 years ago
I would prefer if each part payed their "fair" share, as it would make the relationship more transparent and would help deal with all the confusion, when the unequalness has been taken out of it. If you are willing to pay for yourself when on a date, I can be quite sure that you are actually there because you want to spend time with me, not just to exploit me and use me as a free cash ATM. On the other hand, you can be sure that I am not just trying to pay my ways to get "a special treatment", and that you owe me nothing when the date is over. If you choose to "put out" afterwards, I will know that it is because you really want me, and not just that I have guilted you into it, and I would feel a lot better knowing that. On the other hand you have to have a good understanding of your dates relationship with money, so you don't invite her to a way fancier and expensive restaurant visit than she can/want to finance. In that case it may be better that the one picking the place also pays
ejfs 4 years ago
I think a lot of people nowadays are looking for handouts, especially in the era of social media. They want the lifestyle of the people they follow (or believe they are a big influencer themself because they have 1,000 followers or were on TV once), but they can't afford it so they try and get others to foot the bill. Obviously this is a stereotype of a small subset of women, but unfortunately they still exist.
El muerto 4 years ago
girls talking to you to get free drinks...ok, granted is not very most girls, but still pisses you of
Jon Steensen 4 years ago
I would say to those girls, that I will be willing to drink a drink with them, under the condition that they pay for their own drink and I pay for mine. If she declines, she is most likely just a shallow bloodsucker, and I did probably not have a snowball's chance in hell with her anyway. And even if I did, when it comes down to it, I do not want to have realtionship with at person with that kind of mindset, expecting an unequal relationship where sex/interest/kindness is traded for money or gifts. Then I am better of by steering clear of it as soon as possible.
Load More Replies... Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
Yeah, I'll basically never do that. However, women do still get paid less than men on average, which is totally disgraceful, especially in this day and age.
#45
The way pee sprays in unpredictable directions sometimes
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
not an option for everyone. I legit have a harder time peeing sitting down than standing up. and like someone said, having your bits touch the seat in a public restroom, ick ick ick
Load More Replies... Peter Hughes 4 years ago
As men know, it's not always predictable in which way it will squirt... in certain situations (after sex or morning wood) it is impractical to sit. DO NOT take the easy option of the sink, but do your best and WIPE THE FLOOR AFTERWARDS. you will never hear complaints from a woman that the floor has recently been wiped....
George Pepe 4 years ago
And then your wife or mother gets mad at you and claims that you don’t aim. And that ALL literally ALL boys are like that.
George Pepe 4 years ago
And that we don’t even try (not true for 90% of us)
Load More Replies... #46
Tough guys always looking for a fight.
#47
I'm less likely to be offered help.
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
Probably a bit of a drastic solution, but bring a baby/toddler out with you. Whenever I take my kid out in the stroller, I get help from everyone. People open doors for me, help carry bags, and are more patient with me e.g. when trying to pack groceries in a supermarket.
Chris Müller 4 years ago
That's something good, isn't it? Would really annoy me if people were regularly assuming that I can't do stuff on my own
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
Think of extreme scenarios, then I think you'll find the problem.
Load More Replies... #48
I do not really like much of anything about it. Male parts kind of get in the way a lot, and I am always worried that they stand out, because if they do then others will find me creepy. Also I sweat a lot! And it is smelly and I do not like that. Perhaps it is strange, but I kind of really wish that I could smell nice! And... I do kind of want to try to wear a dress, but I feel like that would attract negative attention. I feel like everything I want to do is the exact opposite of what would be masculine and I hate it
Penelope 4 years ago
*hug*. Find ways to be you. Talk to a therapist if you can. You may have a bit of body dysmorphia going on, I think.
François Carré 4 years ago
Yes, try and find a safe place where you can wear that dress and just pretend to be a woman for a while, and if this is really how you feel you should be, just go for it. Gender is no longer something you have to be assigned for you whole life, fortunately science has made some good progress about it - and society is slowly moving towards accepting it. I suppose this will still be a struggle though, but it's up to you to decide if it is worthwhile.
Load More Replies... NamiKoa 4 years ago
Yeah, pregnancy and the boobs that go with it really filled me with sympathy for anyone with large breasts. I used to always wish I were bigger but honestly: I see no benefits anymore.
Load More Replies... Mazer 4 years ago
Hyperhidrosis (overactive sweat glands) might be treatable with medication, please talk to your doctor about it. As far as the rest goes, you live in a time when gender norms are getting more fuzzy. I have gone to junior college with a guy who wore skirts, I think he preferred the kilt but he had great taste in apparel.I hope he got a job working in the fashion industry. In the last decade, have had two friends transition from female to male. Nothing has changed in our friendship. Surround yourself with supportive people while you exploring you. Be you, and have that you be magnificent.
Dave van Es 4 years ago
As for the sweating part, you could talk to your doctor about aluminumhydroxychloride. After I started using it, it really made me sweat, and smell less
ZAPanda 4 years ago
yip, however it utterly ruins shirts within a few usages. They become crunchy and smell permanently of sweat and deodorant. https://jimmyscleaners.net/blog/are-deodorant-stains-destroying-your-favorite-clothes/#:~:text=Deodorants%20and%20anti%2Dperspirants%20contain,culprits%20we%20are%20talking%20about.
Load More Replies... memyselfandI 4 years ago
If you want to wear a dress as a guy without any judgment whatsoever, you could organize a “dress like your partner” party and have everyone come dressed like their SO. No one’ll care if you wear a dress.
Peter Hughes 4 years ago
Mate, if you want to wear dress - go for it... people like me will take the mick for a while but then get used to it... If anyone new comes in and starts taking the piss, we got your back. That's the way life is. Not saying it's right, but people will accept you for what you are and respect you for it...
#49
We are expected to be sex experts. I had sex only once, don't expect too much from me.
#50
It feels wrong to cry. I just finished season 3 of stranger things and cried. It was a good but sad moment.
Spikey boi 4 years ago
A real man is someone who's not afraid to show their emotions and let it all out.
Natasha 4 years ago (edited)
There's nothing wrong with crying okay? Saying this from personal experience, my dad bottles up his emotions and the men don't cry thing makes him take out his stress in a somewhat violent and angry way . At the end, it's always tears that come out after the fight and violence . Why I'm saying this? When there's a lot of stress and you keep bottling it up, you feel like crying . But because of the norms that the society has, the 'men don't cry' thing, my dad always keeps it in until the sorrow becomes anger and then suddenly bursts out . My mom never said he's not allowed to rant and cry in front of her. That's just how his parents raised him and this needs to be changed . All men in this world who are raised by telling, 'men don't cry' listen up, it's totally okay to let your feelings out and you're not gonna be judged for it, trust me . Saves a lot of extra crying and extra stress
Peter Hughes 4 years ago
Nearly all blokes cry - Hardly any blokes cry in public. You have 2 choices, The trick is not to pay attention to a film like 'Coco' but then watch it again by yourself or let the emotions flow with the rest of the family. The choice is yours...
kasa alex 4 years ago
I'm of the opinion that more men should cry but yeah, society doesn't exactly make that easy
ZAPanda 4 years ago
Just toxic masc society. Ditch ALL of those people. Do not socialise with them.
Load More Replies... #52
Not being able to hide flaws as well as women can.
Monday 4 years ago (edited)
Embrace the makeup, it is a band-aid for the self-esteem. The makeup does not care about gender, it conceals all.
El muerto 4 years ago
the question s...should you have to hide you flaws?
Load More Replies... Mazer 4 years ago
Wait. I know a good number of women who either don’t wear makeup because they hate it or some have super sensitive skin. I’m ugly as all get out and NOTHING short of plastic surgery will help me look any better. Self acceptance can be hard and very very rewarding
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Plastic surgery is a great option and people need to be less nasty / bullying about someone doing something to enhance their appearance.
Load More Replies... #53
Expectations of the society, Which will inevitably and conveniently vary based on the circumstances, and more often than not, once fulfilled, you'd still be largely uncredited for, since that's what Men/guys are "supposed" to do.
#54
Having to make the first move.
Grant Barke 4 years ago
This is an evolutionary thing that goes back to the time when Grug hit his preferred mate over the head with his f**k stick and dragged her back to his cave to do the dirty with her.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
Same as the other three or so posts above. You don't have to make a move. If you are confident, interesting and or funny, she will indicate she's interested.
boredkitten 4 years ago
Doesn't even have to be confident, just attractive and nice for a start.
Load More Replies... WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
You don't have to make the first move. If a girl is really interested in you, she'll make the first move. At least, when "I don't care about your guitar collection, I want sex!!" can be considered a first move...
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
Definitely not true in N America. I'm almost 50 and i've had women make the first move twice. There's a definite feeling here that women are doing men a favour by going out with them, so the men should do the work. Obviously not the case across the board, but it has been my experience. Hoping the youngsters are not continuing this.
Load More Replies... #55
The automatic assumption that we should be the ones responsible for handling the vast majority of physically demanding, or otherwise difficult or unpleasant tasks in virtually any scenario involving both men and women.
#56
Peeing, then shaking it, even dabbing the tip with a square of tissue...but still dribbling a little piss in my drawers. Also, ass hair.
Ben Steinberg 4 years ago
True, but (in my country) there are variety of products to put in your underwear for catching a variety of "leaks". Guys don't really have anything like that, except for full on adult diapers. Also (OP), women have ass hair, some more than others...
Load More Replies... #57
When you are single you are supposed to be the aggressive but not too aggressive....and that amount varies according to the girl. Some women prefer to be the initiator but that's rare.
Piet Puk 4 years ago
Yeah, being turned down because of being 'to nice' sucks. And then these girls complain about how their shitty boyfriends are treating them!
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
when i was younger, at least three times i had women friends complain that they wished their boyfriends were more like me. Well you know who's a lot like me? Me! Apparently was not a compelling argument. Possibly i was too much like me ;) And of course, it wasn't their obligation to date me, but somehow telling me how much they liked me and how much they would value my qualities in a SO, but that i was definitely not a SO candidate, really felt like a back-handed compliment.
Load More Replies... #58
Singleness. Wanting something that's out of my reach(companionship). Life would be so much easier if I simply did not want a girlfriend. It's not like women are to blame. I don't resent anyone other than myself for it. But I hate that I want something that is out of my ability to control. It's inconvenient and causes a lot of suffering.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
The more you are searching for love, the less you are likely to find it. First you have to be able to love your life and yourself, before you are able to love someone else.
#59
Hearing girls complain all the time how hard it is being a girl. Because obviously boys have everything perfect, and because every problem that only women can fix.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Both genders suffer toxic s**t, but it's not talked about equally. This is your guys thread and your turn to be heard ❤
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Sexism is real, bro, and women deal with the brunt of it. If you're not cool listening to it, imagine how much harder it would be living it. Ease up.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
I got a problem with this one. Women face very real problems and us discussing them does NOT mean men don't have problems too, but that these are the things that have the most impact on our lives.
Monday 4 years ago
Yup. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman, and sometimes it's hard to be a man. Most of the time it's hard to be human.
Load More Replies... Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
This is quite an ignorant one. Females generally have to deal with more s**t than us guys and we can't experience what that is like. Yes, we also have bad times, but it can be on a daily basis for women.
Jon Steensen 4 years ago
I think it was just a critique of the constant one-up that women often bring on the table when men are saying that they are experiencing difficulties. It is just enhancing the stereotype that men should "man up" and just swallow their pain. To me the someone-has-it-a-lot-worse-than-you-so-stop-whining-argument is rarely a valid one. Just because you can find an example of something much worse does not mean that something is still not bad. We shall not igonere the female issues, but neither should we do about the issues of being a man. Instead we should constantly try to improve the conditions of both genders.
Load More Replies... Mazer 4 years ago
I happen to think the word “perfect” and the word “should” ought to be erased from our vocabulary. Nobody is perfect. No gender has it perfect.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Yes. When I catch myself thinking and using the word "should" to myself, ie 'should have done this/shouldn't have done that', I know thats a sign my thinking is turning unhealthy again and I need to try to refocus myself. A sign I've learned to recognise over the years. "Should" implies blame, and we often use it on ourselves very harshly
Load More Replies... Penny Fan 4 years ago
Toxic masculinity which makes women's lives hard can only be fixed by men. Toxic masculinity which makes men's lives hard can only be fixed by ... men. You better believe women are going to complain about this.
Caro Caro 4 years ago (edited)
Penny, women have toxic expectations about men too.
Load More Replies... Ruby 4 years ago
Girls complaining about what's difficult about being a girl doesn't mean "guys have everything perfect and no problems at all". You're the one making that from it, we never said it
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
i completely read that wrong i agree that women do have it worse in most areas than men and even some of their problems are caused by men we all need to do better as guys sometimes i think i we get so defensive over it that we end up becoming like the people we say we are not
Load More Replies... #60
I have far more body hair than I ever wanted.
Madzdad the bard 4 years ago
Mine just keeps moving south. In another few years I will be bald, but have feet like a hobbit!
Peter Hughes 4 years ago
Can't believe i got to #61 before i got to the best comment on the post... However, do you not find you have balder ankles as you get older? My body hair is meeting in the middle and shooting out of my a**e... :D
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Martin John 4 years ago
I've noticed that as I age, the hair that use to be around my ankles and lower legs seems to be retreating to my ears and eyebrows! lol
An Co 4 years ago
Get Nare. Works well, especially if you do not apply it to the sensitive parts of your body.
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
Some guys would have to put it on with a paint roller!
Load More Replies... #61
Nothing is really annoying, but whoever designed boxers I straight up want to fight them for making such an uncomfortable product
Michael Fernandez 4 years ago
Boxer briefs. Comfortable, and they create a flattering optical illusion.
What do you think ?
Ozacoter 4 years ago
And this is why feminism is so important for everyone. Most men that I met complain about this issues but they are not aware that they come from sexism and that the solution is feminism, not misoginy. Men, we believe you and want to help you but you need to step up! I know that there are many feminist men but sadly they are still in the minority.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Its also important to notice that most of this issues are about peopel judging you, not legal or physical limitations. Everyone needs to learn to be themselves and not give in the stupid and harmful gender roles. Is society that has the problem and needs to change, not you. There is not a proper way to be a man. You are a man if you cry. You are a man with long hair. You are a man if you like flowers. You are a man if your girlfriend earns more than you...
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Scarlett 4 years ago
Can we normalize being like Tolkien’s men? They were brave, kind, and loyal. They cried and showed emotion. They were never disrespectful to women or each other.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Right? The books are quite sexist when it comes to women (but its a product of the time so its understandable). But it showed an amazing example of positive masculinity for men and boys.
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Deena Salzman 4 years ago
This is another reason why we all need to work together to dismantle gender norms. They hurt everyone.
Lisa Brown 1 year ago
Gender norms are exactly that, normal. Nothing wrong with normal, last I new it was normal.
Load More Replies... Terilee Bruyere 4 years ago
We need more of these posts. I'd like to add one myself, though I'm not a man, that a friend once complained about. If you are a man and have a female as a best friend you are either thought to be dating, cheating (if you're in a relationship) or gay. It's absolute BS.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I agree. I always had very close male friends and its insane how many people doesnt believe in men and women being friends. Most of my partners friends are women and i love them, why would i have a problem with that?
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J. F. 4 years ago (edited)
One great step would be to stop categorizing between men and women and just putting people being HUMAN before anything else. Creates way less problems, tension and stress in social interactions. Could be the misanthrope in me speaking, but i avoided a lot of problems in life doing it that way
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Yes and no. It is important tot alk about our isses separately because they are different. But for the rest of the time I agree, our society should be more gebder neutral. Like why the f**k is my sex on my ID? It's nobodies bussiness (except my partner and doctors)
Load More Replies... NoneYa41 4 years ago (edited)
Addition: People in online forums assuming you're a privileged, racist, misogynist simply because you're a white male. Nah...you don't even know me. And if you did you'd know that I'm gay, have worked my entire life to be where I am, and am married to an immigrant. Take your toxic assumptions elsewhere.
Aliquid 4 years ago
But you are privileged if you are a white male (in white dominant countries at least). That's a simple fact. You just need to stop thinking that "privileged" is a dirty word, or that it means that you have an "easy life". Your life could be full of challenges, it just happens that the color of your skin isn't one of those challenges.
Load More Replies... Robert Thompson 4 years ago
The world has not become "Gender Neutral" as long as people with different genders get treated differently or have different expectations placed on them because of their gender.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
We should really strive for a gender neutral society
Load More Replies... jk nbt 4 years ago (edited)
Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.
Iapetos 4 years ago
Let's speak the truth: No matter how awesome a person may be, you just need to slap the "ugh, this person is gaaaay" argument onto them to invalidate them. Honestly, the world would be so much better if everyone just let everyone be without that gender stereotype bullshit.
jk nbt 4 years ago
sad to say, there are a lot of judgmental hypocrites out there that love to go around making this accusation & gossip. I know someone at work who was labeled as GAY because he drank hot green tea for the afternoon break instead of a soft drink. This guy was a health food enthusiast. He explained that green tea has all sorts of benefits over carbonated flavored syrup water, but the critics were not convinced. This labeling act is a control thing rather than concern over who they bed down with. They label people to gain control over them. It is also a form of compensating.
Load More Replies... Pezor Zass 4 years ago
Honestly curious: what percentage of guys believe women when they say they are handsome? I never have and don't think i ever will. Curious if this is just my glitch or of it's a societal idea. And don't say "Jason Momoa is looooovely, so obviously guys can be lovely." Yes, he is totally lovely and i'd love to kiss his belly, but i'm talking about general guys, not demigods :)
albernistuff 4sale 4 years ago
I don't. I look in the mirror and know I am 'passable' but when a woman compliments me, I always feel that it comes from wishing to avoid hurting my feelings, rather than being true. I know that -in general- women are talking more about the person as a whole than just physical, but it still comes across as disingenuous.
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Ozacoter 4 years ago
And this is why feminism is so important for everyone. Most men that I met complain about this issues but they are not aware that they come from sexism and that the solution is feminism, not misoginy. Men, we believe you and want to help you but you need to step up! I know that there are many feminist men but sadly they are still in the minority.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Its also important to notice that most of this issues are about peopel judging you, not legal or physical limitations. Everyone needs to learn to be themselves and not give in the stupid and harmful gender roles. Is society that has the problem and needs to change, not you. There is not a proper way to be a man. You are a man if you cry. You are a man with long hair. You are a man if you like flowers. You are a man if your girlfriend earns more than you...
Load More Replies... Scarlett 4 years ago
Can we normalize being like Tolkien’s men? They were brave, kind, and loyal. They cried and showed emotion. They were never disrespectful to women or each other.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Right? The books are quite sexist when it comes to women (but its a product of the time so its understandable). But it showed an amazing example of positive masculinity for men and boys.
Load More Replies... Deena Salzman 4 years ago
This is another reason why we all need to work together to dismantle gender norms. They hurt everyone.
Lisa Brown 1 year ago
Gender norms are exactly that, normal. Nothing wrong with normal, last I new it was normal.
Load More Replies... Terilee Bruyere 4 years ago
We need more of these posts. I'd like to add one myself, though I'm not a man, that a friend once complained about. If you are a man and have a female as a best friend you are either thought to be dating, cheating (if you're in a relationship) or gay. It's absolute BS.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I agree. I always had very close male friends and its insane how many people doesnt believe in men and women being friends. Most of my partners friends are women and i love them, why would i have a problem with that?
Load More Replies... J. F. 4 years ago (edited)
One great step would be to stop categorizing between men and women and just putting people being HUMAN before anything else. Creates way less problems, tension and stress in social interactions. Could be the misanthrope in me speaking, but i avoided a lot of problems in life doing it that way
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Yes and no. It is important tot alk about our isses separately because they are different. But for the rest of the time I agree, our society should be more gebder neutral. Like why the f**k is my sex on my ID? It's nobodies bussiness (except my partner and doctors)
Load More Replies... NoneYa41 4 years ago (edited)
Addition: People in online forums assuming you're a privileged, racist, misogynist simply because you're a white male. Nah...you don't even know me. And if you did you'd know that I'm gay, have worked my entire life to be where I am, and am married to an immigrant. Take your toxic assumptions elsewhere.
Aliquid 4 years ago
But you are privileged if you are a white male (in white dominant countries at least). That's a simple fact. You just need to stop thinking that "privileged" is a dirty word, or that it means that you have an "easy life". Your life could be full of challenges, it just happens that the color of your skin isn't one of those challenges.
Load More Replies... Robert Thompson 4 years ago
The world has not become "Gender Neutral" as long as people with different genders get treated differently or have different expectations placed on them because of their gender.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
We should really strive for a gender neutral society
Load More Replies... jk nbt 4 years ago (edited)
Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.
Iapetos 4 years ago
Let's speak the truth: No matter how awesome a person may be, you just need to slap the "ugh, this person is gaaaay" argument onto them to invalidate them. Honestly, the world would be so much better if everyone just let everyone be without that gender stereotype bullshit.
jk nbt 4 years ago
sad to say, there are a lot of judgmental hypocrites out there that love to go around making this accusation & gossip. I know someone at work who was labeled as GAY because he drank hot green tea for the afternoon break instead of a soft drink. This guy was a health food enthusiast. He explained that green tea has all sorts of benefits over carbonated flavored syrup water, but the critics were not convinced. This labeling act is a control thing rather than concern over who they bed down with. They label people to gain control over them. It is also a form of compensating.
Load More Replies... Pezor Zass 4 years ago
Honestly curious: what percentage of guys believe women when they say they are handsome? I never have and don't think i ever will. Curious if this is just my glitch or of it's a societal idea. And don't say "Jason Momoa is looooovely, so obviously guys can be lovely." Yes, he is totally lovely and i'd love to kiss his belly, but i'm talking about general guys, not demigods :)
albernistuff 4sale 4 years ago
I don't. I look in the mirror and know I am 'passable' but when a woman compliments me, I always feel that it comes from wishing to avoid hurting my feelings, rather than being true. I know that -in general- women are talking more about the person as a whole than just physical, but it still comes across as disingenuous.
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