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Whatever your gender is, we all have experienced misogyny in one form or another — either as a helpless victim or an observer. The difference between the two is that the latter has a choice: to look away and stay out of trouble (enabling the injustice); or to try to do the right thing and help the one in trouble.
There are many wrongdoings happening before our eyes on a daily basis — whether we choose to look the problem directly in the eye or not. This goes beyond just men in dark alleys waiting like predators. Or women being catcalled in the most inappropriate ways.
In the continuing spirit of International Women's Day, Bored Panda wants to celebrate men (and women alike) who are brave enough to stand up against the abhorrent, degrading behavior that many women across the world are still forced to endure because of chauvinistic men. All we hope is that this compilation will spark some long-overdue change, to take action when needed, and in the years to come — misogyny will hopefully be a thing of the past.
From catcalling to discrimination at work, many women globally are forced to put up with some form of misogyny on a daily basis
And while not everyone feels brave and strong enough to tackle discrimination, women do remember the times someone stood up for them
When the #MeToo movement emerged in late 2017, there were a lot of things said and done. But one thing that stuck with us the most was said by Swedish pop singer Zara Larsson: "Isn't it strange how every woman knows someone who's been sexually harassed but no man seem to know any harasser?" she blatantly wrote on her Twitter.
Indeed. Misogyny might only be a catch-all phrase to some — something that deals with sexism, discrimination and can be easily meme-ified. A mongoose in Kenya suddenly can be a misogynist ("somehow"). Apparently, it also can make a good T-shirt slogan ("Chill with that misogyny"), depending on whom you ask. But many tend to forget, or simply don't want to look at the numbers: globally 1-in-3 women have had to deal with sexual harassment at least once in their lives. It's not entirely surprising then that the majority of women in the UK still don't feel safe walking by themselves at night.
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#1
I had quite bad cramps one night at work(I work as a night filler for a supermarket) and was taking a moment to breathe through them so I was standing still with my eyes closed. I had one of my co-workers who isn't good at his job come up to me and say 'you know everyone around you is doing their jobs and you are just standing there doing nothing, you should get back to your fking job' and before I could saying or do anything, another of my male co-workers comes up stands in-between me and him and goes 'mate, she fills three times the speed you do, how about you fk off and learn some common decency, you prick.' It actually made my night.
The guy who defended me has 3 sisters and explained that he has seen the face I was making on his sisters when they have cramps. This guy just turned 18 and is better with the menstrual cycle than a good portion of the men I have met.
I am the only female on the team for reference
Parthania Dawson 3 years ago
Men who grew up with women are usually the ones who will step up. Good for him.
K Witmer 3 years ago
That's the only time I've seen men stick up for women against misogynistic comments too. They've always been very young. I can't remember any instance where a man older than 30 stopped other men from speaking like that.
K Witmer 3 years ago
Except for my grandpop. He always called out everyone for everything. Racism homophobia and misogyny. I've never met another man like him in my entire life.
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Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
Most men especially and even some women if it has not been a thing in their lives, just do not understand that it's something you have to take time and just suffer through, like mini birth, only days worth, and no one recognizes the pain. " It's only your period honey, it'll pass" yeah sometimes like a kidney stone only every month!
April Stephens 3 years ago
That's awful to have cramps so bad she has to breathe through them. 😟
RELATED:
#2
A male senior lawyer was introducing the female junior I worked for to his client. His client made a comment that she's easier on the eyes than he was and the senior lawyer stopped the meeting and said "you don't make those comments, not here, not out there, not anywhere. If you continue to do so we will terminate our engagement. I will not put this woman in a situation where she will be made to feel uncomfortable. If you disagree with me you can find alternate counsel" and that has always stuck out to me. Not many senior lawyers I know would make a statement like that to long standing clients but he drew a hard line in the sand and held the client to it. Granted this wasn't an extreme situation and everyone was sure the client was just trying to make small talk but that lawyer didn't care how innocent the comment was, it wasn't professional and he knew that he had to step in and set some clear boundaries.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Comments like that "..easier on the eyes .." are never innocent. This lawyer is right and acted accordingly.
Milady Blue 3 years ago
Not only was it because he was a decent person, he was probably also VERY aware of the lawsuit potential, had the female associate been so inclined.
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Susie Elle 3 years ago
A comment on some else's appearance to a third person is never 'small talk'.
Deborah B 3 years ago
Guys like the client may think they're paying a compliment, that's how prevalent and entrenched misogynistic attitudes are. That's why it's so important to correct them, and it's much easier to do if you're the senior lawyer, rather than the new junior. Good on the man for recognising his responsibilities to his juniors and taking immediate action.
Yurie 3 years ago
Surprising indeed. I work in Law and older judges and older lawyers are all over the harassment spectrum
Marcellus the Third 3 years ago
As a lawyer you should be seeing the writing on the wall, and expect those colleagues to be sued out of business (or retirement!) soon… his statement protects him from accusations of permitting a hostile work environment. An unethical reason to do the right thing… Not suggesting that was the reason in the OP post. Just saying for selfish reasons they should be just.
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Id row 3 years ago
My mother was holding a meeting with a room full of attorneys, all male. When she was done speaking, she asked if anyone had any questions. One attorney spoke up and said, "I love your voice. Do people ever tell you that?" Without missing a beat, she said, "Does anyone have an intelligent question?" And the rest of the room laughed and the guy looked mortified.
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
To see if a comment is appropriate or not, just flip it so it's being said to the man. "well, George, you're certainly easier on the eyes than her" and there you go. Its not really a compliment. My mama taught me that one. Smart lady.
Joanne Lawrence 3 years ago (edited)
I once had a senior lawyer make a couple of questionable passes at me(nothing so bad that he'd be disciplined for it but clearly not acceptable in my lifetime), and opposing counsel, who was about my age, heard the exchanges. He stood up for me and said, "You can't say that to her." Dunno if I've ever had more respect for another human being than I did in that moment because he's standing up for me, a person over whom he has seniority, to someone that has seniority over both of us and is also about 3x our age.
In order to learn more about misogyny and the ways in which people have been helping to fight it, Bored Panda reached out to Hera Hussain, a Forbes 30 Under 30 (Europe) Social Entrepreneur and the founder of Chayn, a non-profit that helps women across the globe to escape or fight gender-based violence and harassment.
"When I started it, people couldn't understand the impact of Chayn because it wasn't something you could touch and feel. There were no pictures, I couldn't show them photos of people smiling or sitting in a room. They just couldn't understand it," Hussain said.
She's happy that there are now more organizations like Chayn, helping those in need and those who are often being silenced by abusers. But when Hera launched the organization when she was only 24 years old and inspired by the experience of trying to help her Pakistani friend find asylum in the UK — things were very different.
"[Back then], you had to go places in person. You had to pick up the phone, wait for a really long time and talk to someone. And my friend, she didn't know the language to express what was happening to her," Hussain explained. "It was just all very diverse in terms of the mediums, but also in terms of the information that they provided."
Being a tech-wiz herself, Hera knew what she had to do. And what started as a Pakistani-only mission soon grew to encompass women from all over the world.
#3
I work in finance. My first day of my first ever internship, we had a product vendor come in for a meeting with my (male) boss, and my boss decided to invite me to see how I handled it. Fortunately, my boss joined us at the conference table at just the moment when the vendor winked at me and said, “sweetheart, can you get me a coffee while I wait for the meeting to start?”
My boss didn’t even sit down, just told him he could leave and that we didn’t need his services after that.
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
Again, if he had asked a junior male colleague/intern, in that manner, boom, insult.
April Stephens 3 years ago
Probably the boss would have introduced her, but didn't get a chance to yet. It seems okay for an intern to fetch coffee, but the problem is that the vendor assumed that of her, winked, and called her sweetheart. Winking and calling her sweetheart are mild harassment, just skeezy.
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#4
A man at my work started a sentence directed at me by saying "Not to be sexist, but.." and another guy on the team just shut him right down with "then maybe just don't talk, Adam". Felt good.
JASH80 3 years ago
that statement is sad. Men who respect women should just be the norm. If normal human behaviour makes you stand out and sexy then something is really, really wrong.
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t-Grex 3 years ago
My favorite about this is how there was an Adam in my welding class who (counting myself, there's three girls in that class) looked at me and said "Not to be a gatekeeper, but women shouldn't-" and was cut off by the teacher who said "Adam, shut up, pack your stuff and find a different class. I'm disappointed in you and I'm telling your sister." Turns out, Adam's sister is a welder that our teacher taught-hah!
Zophra 3 years ago
I would have liked to heard how the rest of Adam's phrase played out. If his sister was already a welder, maybe he already heard from her that there was some safety issue with less upper body strength and a different hold ,etc. something due to physiology and not mental acuity. (I know NOTHING about welding, but maybe there are differences?)
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Having lived most of her adult life in the UK, Hera, like most young women in the country, is no stranger to sexual harassment. "I was once traveling from Glasgow to London and I was harassed by someone who was sitting in the train, drunk and inebriated. It was really scary," Hussain said. She even reported the abuser to the police, but the case was eventually dropped because "the CCTV footage wasn't clear enough" for the prosecutors.
Having said that, based on her own personal experience as a Pakistani woman living in the UK, for all the times she was catcalled or verbally harassed by a complete stranger — no one came to Hera's assistance. "Unfortunately, bystander intervention is uncommon [here]. I think every single time something like this has happened to me, nobody has done anything about it," she said.
Although there is no peer-reviewed research that would explain why so many bystanders choose to ignore the social injustice happening in front of their eyes, Hera thinks it all comes down to fear. "I think it's important to think about what are they afraid of. If someone's afraid for their physical safety, there are safe ways to intervene, like calling the police," Hussain pointed out.
#5
One of my male physics professors reported a male student in my class for taking lab materials out of my hands and saying “relax honey and let us men do it” and told me to do the write up (us men referring to the rest of the lab group). I just brushed it off even though it was immature because you know, but I was called in as a result of his report and I’ve always been shocked by his dedication to make his classroom a welcoming space. i was the only one who passed that lab assignment because it was only my handwriting on the written portion.
He also backed me up when a department head was treating me badly and helped connect me with tutoring and psych resources for issues I was having. He was never inappropriate; he honestly never really spoke directly to me aside from class. never met another man like him, now that I think about it, especially not in stem.
Janet C 3 years ago
Doesn't boggle my mind at all. Just read some of these comments. Too many people (women included) still dismiss these comments, say to "just ignore" them, or try to make excuses. Until this BS is not tolerated by anyone, EVERY, they will not stop.
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Elmie Pumpkinbush 3 years ago
Ah yes, the marvellous STEM fields, where we keep wondering why don't more women choose these lovely professions.
Insert Generic Username 3 years ago (edited)
It's insane that it's 2022 and so many men think that women aren't smart enough to work in STEM and related fields. There's a Victoria's Secret model or beauty pageant participant who has an advanced degree in the technology field and is apparently an insanely excellent coder. There was an article about her and the article mentioned she was a coding genius. The comments section was full of men putting her down, making misogynistic remarks about her, etc. She shut them all down when she listed all the coding programs she's worked with (her list was substantial) and some of the projects she'd done coding on, a few of which were well known. Nothing hurts the toxic and fragile ego of a jackass know-it-all keyboard warrior more than a solid rebuttal and being slapped in the face with the cold, hard facts that back up said rebuttal.
Caroline Sinclair 3 years ago
I am upvoting Bobby because I am sure that this is irony. I hope I'm not wrong!
Dolly_of TheCowboy 3 years ago (edited)
Had a chemistry A/Prof whom was of the opinion "females shouldn't be doing organic chemistry...in fact they shouldn't be at uni at all. There's no need". He ran the organic chemistry department. So you can imagine the top down BS just flowed to the tutors etc and made every woman having to take the courses feel just super. He was also a creep. I had been doing extremely well in the course (with ongoing assessment evidence etc) but my final grading was basically "scraped through cannot repeat course" which was a problem as I needed at least a "scraped through" grade to continue my degree. I made an appointment with him to "discuss a reassessment" and basically he wanted me to blow him before he would "take another look at my grade". It was in his office with door closed so his word against mine when I reported him to his boss, the head of the chemistry department. They must have had others complain as I was exempted by the department head from needing that course grading to continue the degree
SAF saf 3 years ago
I was an Applied Physics major in College and a bit of our curriculum was shared with computer science majors. Let me tell you....it's get awkward when they try that "Honey" B.S smug attitude with a female professor. Part of me feels this is something kids learn from a shitty parent.
Sea otter simone/ froggy 3 years ago
nobody: nobody anywhere ever: a random dude working with a team that has a female on it but mostly men: "just rest your pretty little head-" me: *shifts in seat, not knowing if he's actually saying shes pretty* him: "and let the men handle-" me: OH HECK NO STFU SEXIST DUMBSaS
Others, Hera believes, are afraid of the reaction their assistance might cause. "In the case of a domestic dispute, people are afraid that the victim or survivor is going to turn on them and say, 'This is a private matter, please don't interfere.'"
But statistics show that misogyny, at least for the moment, is not going anywhere. That's why it's important to step in and put our apprehensions aside. "Misogyny is endemic within our culture," Hussain said. "So, let us take the brave step and do something about it."
#6
I was out running, and there was some plumbers cleaning up after a mains sewerage leak, busy hosing down the road. Some young guys hanging around watching catcalled me, and when I ignored it he started hurling abuse and threats. One of the plumbers turned the hose on him and absolutely drenched him. I wrote to the city council who the plumber was working for, didn't tell them about the hose off but said he had stepped in when I had been threatened. No idea if he ever got any recognition but it was beautiful.
Paulina 3 years ago (edited)
This reminded me of how some of my dad's younger coworkers learned not to cat call and not to comment on women's appearance in general. My dad worked construction his whole life, and he's generally very straightforward guy - he's not afraid too stand up to management or call out people - which usually meant people at work respected him, especially young ones. Once he was working near the place I changed buses on my way to work every day. We met on accident, crossing the road - I (22 then) was on my way to work, my dad and few of his young colleagues were going for a lunch. I said "hi" with a smile and that was it. That evening my dad told me what happened next: young guys started whistling and commenting things like "Where do you get that kind of sweet young a**? Can you get us some?" 🤮 Then my dad, in his most stern and commanding voice said "That was my daughter" and apparently the guys were so mortified they were apologizing for the rest of their shift.
Jackie Nettleton 3 years ago
My dad who also works for the local council here in the uk had a situation in which a young lady was visibly upset, so he asked her what the matter was and she said this young guy was following her and making her feel threatened. My dad asked her if someone was coming to help her which turned out was her mum and he sent her behind the work vehicle and off to meet her mum whilst she was hidden from the guys view. Then when he saw they guy that was following her he detained him for over 10 minutes to make sure she had enough time to get to safety. The mum called the council and got to dads boss and thanked him for helping out and making her daughter feel safe. This was the first time that his boss heard about this as dad doesn’t go around telling those sort of stories and work thanked him the next day and all he cared about was that the young lady was ok. It was only in passing that he mentioned the mum to us that we got to know about it. My dad raised us all right when it came to women
#7
Yes! I was at a Starbucks and there were three men at a table near me. They were East African Muslims. Apparently on his way to Starbucks, Man 1 saw a young woman from their mosque, but she wasn’t wearing hijab or modest clothing- she was wearing shorts and her hair was uncovered. Man 1 said something dumb about “men are going to treat her poorly if she dresses like that, she’s asking to be attacked, etc”. Man 2 said something along the lines of “if you think that way about her, that’s your problem, not hers. she can do whatever she wants.” Man 1 tried to justify his stance by saying she was straying from Allah. Man 3 then said, “I feel so sorry for you! You’ve been in the US for 20 years and you still think that way. Women can dress however they want, man. She can have faith or not have faith and dress how she wants.”
It was nice to hear. No women around except me and some baristas, and these guys were still defending the women in their faith and community who didn’t look “typical”
ZAPanda 3 years ago (edited)
If alleged deity doesn't like the way women dress, and he's capable of creating a universe, then let him go "shazam" and magically create some clothes for her. It's not your business as a believer to enforce "god's" will on earth, as an omnipotent being he is quite capable of enforcing it himself, thank you very much.
Devil's Advocate 3 years ago
Some women like being covered, but I often wonder if that's because they really do (which is fine), or if it's kind of like Stockholm syndrome where it's that ingrained to act a certain way to get by, that they *think* they want to wear it...
K Witmer 3 years ago
Idk if you're religious but I used to be Catholic and the nuns always felt proud to wear their habits. It was a choice for them and they took pride in it. I'm not sure if it equates but that's how I see it for women that choose to wear a hijab if it's not forced and they do indeed have a choice.
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Morgan Merrill-McNeal 3 years ago
I'm Muslim, and my opinion(though unpopular) is that, like many men of the time, Mohammed was misogynistic, and that he altered Allah's message to match his worldview, and that Allah is more loving and accepting than what the Quran shows.
Janet C 3 years ago
Men who make those kinds of comments have no idea just how weak they make the male gender sound. Do they really believe men are so weak and incapable of self-control that a choice of clothing by a woman is enough to send men into a frenzy of rape? That's such an insult to other MEN.
Nunya Bus 3 years ago
I've never understood this complete and utter falsehood people tell themselves. We all know some the most piously dressed and acting people can be VERY different away from the "crowd" and some who dress "wild" and are actually very mild mannered and conservative (non religiously mostly). I fool everyone all the time. You meet me and I look and act like a school marm. Why because I'm an accountant and sadly its what I turned out to best at and this career path demands sedate conservative clothing. Meanwhile I'd rather wear jeans, my docs, dye my hair pink and my favorite band of all time is NIN. But I don't get the jobs that way sadly.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
When you retire, please post a picture of yourself with pink hair
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The Cute Cat 3 years ago
In islam, male is being told to lower their gaze, not to whine of girls clothing..
Janet C 3 years ago
And men with that mindset don't even realize how they make their own gender sound. They are clearly implying that an "immodest woman" (her hair shows OMG!) is asking to be attacked because apparently men cannot control themselves unless women are hidden. Do they not realize how weak that makes men sound?
#8
I dont know if it falls under correcting misogyny, but the whole interaction felt misogynistic (gatekeeping). Early on in the MCU days, I had bought a Captain America shirt with just the shield logo on the front. I wore it to work on a Friday. A guy at work asked me if I like Marvel and I was like "yeah! I really like the new movies coming out!". In response he started quizzing me on the comics. Before I could even get a word out, two other guys heard and shut him down immediately. Telling him gate keeping was lame and to just let women enjoy comics/superhero movies.
It was minor, but this was like 8 years ago and the interaction still sticks with me. Also, the two other guys weren't really my friends or people I had a relationship to. They just heard him being rude to me and jumped in.
Andy Acceber 3 years ago
I appreciate this so much. No one "owns" fiction or art. 'Not the fans. 'Not the creators. 'Not the critics. If you make art and put it out into the world, everyone is welcome to consume it and interpret it however they want. There is no one "right" way.
Nena Rosebud 3 years ago
Music gatekeepers are just as bad. If I'm wearing a Hendrix t-shirt, I'm not required to rattle off his discography to show that I have the right to wear a t-shirt with his face on it.
Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
That the guys actually noticed and understood what was happening speaks volumes. Someone got their upbringing right.
Sofia Gonzalez 3 years ago
I'm a girl and I LOVE Marvel!! My favorite hero is Yelana Bolivia!!
#9
Yes, I had a professor (I majored in IT) who said on the first day of class that if anyone said “any BS sexist remarks” about the women in class, they were gone. He then proceeded to talk about how some of the best, most hard working people he knew in the field were women and that he was glad to see the number of girls in class increasing each year. It was amazingly refreshing.
Iggnacious 3 years ago
AND once in program, seeing males buzzing the females in the lab while working on assignments is also issue. Males think it’s another opportunity to test pickup lines on females. Yeah, I’m male, I stepped in countless times. This was over 30 years ago. If it still occurs now,,, Grow up guys!!!
Marnie 3 years ago
I didn't know you could major in "IT" nowadays. I'm a software developer in my 50s. At my work, our VP of technology is a woman. We have three female software architects and a lot of female developers. All of them are over 35. I have interviewed exactly one American in the past 13 years. I have not interviewed a single female developer in the past 13 years. The US needs to do WAY BETTER in education department. And also, let's stop pretending that women in software development is something new.
Pheebs 3 years ago
I had a prof for my basic computer repair class check in with me regularly on class breaks. He wanted my opinion on how I was doing with retaining the content. His reasoning was a lot of women are not as heavily exposed to STEM growing up, so don’t always have the same foundation to build on as the guys in the class. I really appreciated it. I had switched to IT for an arts-based degree, and had really only been using a computer for about 4 years at that point, so IT was a new world for me. This was in the early aughts, when it was less uncommon to not have grown up with a home computer, and certainly did not have a smart phone.
Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
Bigotry needs to be tackled head on. It isn't enough to 'not be misogynistic' or to handle it when it arises. The change from stating from day one that it isn't going to be tolerated must be huge.
Donna Leske 3 years ago
(would have been awesome if 'girls' in your last line had been 'women'. Thank you)
The Cute Cat 3 years ago
In deed many pioneer in IT field is women. Of course because they good at it. May be because some lady try to use their attraction on their purpose (like those Kardashian), but not all women are that stupid.
Katherine Boag 3 years ago
Imagine if the engineering dept lecture to welcome students had said that instead of making a joke that assumed all engineers are attracted to women.
#10
When I was in college I was at a club dancing with friends, and one certain dude (total stranger) would NOT stop grinding all over me. I spent literally 30 minutes moving around the club to new spots, hiding, and straight up telling him to leave me alone. Finally the biggest, bro-iest, douchiest, looking frat dude came over and honestly my first thought was "oh no". But he just calmly took the guy by the arm and said "This is not ok" and led the guy away.
To this day I still feel bad for judging the frat dude based off his appearance because he was an absolute gentleman.
Devil's Advocate 3 years ago
People judge bikers all the time too, tarring the decent ones with the same brush as the sons-of-anarchy-wannabees and the dirt-bike-hooligans, but have you seen how awesome some of the biker gangs are, especially helping out vulnerable women and children?
K Miller 3 years ago
I love this type of contrast in people. Bikers can be a great example. Big scary looking dudes but with the sweetest hearts.
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Evil Little Thing 3 years ago
I usually found saying "Eww, gross!" and sticking an outstretched arm between me and a leg humper discouraged them from following me.
Marnie 3 years ago
The second time that guy came over to touch me without my permission, I would have attacked him physically. I am not kidding. You have a right to defend yourself.
Groundcontroltomajortom 3 years ago
This used to happen to me and friends EVERY TIME we would go out clubbing, but it's obviously our fault for wearing inappropriate clothing HA!
Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
I think that considering the stress you were under right at that moment you should be kind on yourself for that moment's judgement. The important thing is that you've learnt from it.
Paulina 3 years ago (edited)
My coworker did the same for me and it was so refreshing. We were celebrating something work-related in a club, I was walking away from a bar when I felt hand on my back, kind of rubbing then pulling by the hem of my shirt... I was wearing some kind of tank top with low cut back (it was summer) and I have tattoos all over my back, usually covered under the clothes - I assume this AH tried to help himself to see the rest of my tattoos 😡. Before I unfroze my male colleague grabbed this dude by the arm and pushed away saying something along the lines of "NO, dude. You don't touch women without asking!". I think it was the first time someone stood up for me like that and I was shocked - both by the audacity of some random clubgoer and by instant reaction of a man that barely knew me from work.
#11
In high school, some kid in my class said some variation of “women belong in the kitchen” and my male history teacher fake gagged and told him to shut up, and said something like “look at all the girls that will now absolutely never date you” while gesturing to the class.
Other then that I can’t think of any though
*Fixed a very strange and silly typo
Vera1 3 years ago
I get that the teacher was trying to be supportive, but why relate it to dating? Women have value and should be treated properly because their people, not because you might someday want more of them
Queen Boudicca 3 years ago
I agree...but perhaps the point the teacher was trying to make to a very immature person was in terms he could understand...words have consequences and people remember HOW you make them feel. It is a start.
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Israel Martinez 3 years ago
Women do belong in the kitchen ... so do men ... so do children ... I mean, that's where the food is ...
juice 3 years ago
"never date you" was accidentally typed as "n be rafters you"
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Kate Jones 3 years ago
I was watching Ink Masters last night...it's an old competition show in the US for tattoo artists... and a black contestant walked into the house saying hi to all the men in the room. Then his voiceover interview started saying he couldn't wait to get rid of all the girls because they 'obviously' aren't going to be able to tattoo as good as the guys. He's walking by the kitchen area and he yells out 'all you women can just stay here in the kitchen and make me some food since that's where you belong.' And I was just like, I expect that from some old white guy (even though I shouldn't have to expect it), but you'd think a black man, who has probably had some disenfranchisement in his life or at least his family and ancestors have, would be a little more sensitive to that kind of thing. If someone had been like "I'm a white guy and black people shouldn't tattoo and stick to [insert horrible racist thing here]"-- he'd be fuming. Then when a girl called him out he was like 'what a b***h.'
Question everything 3 years ago
From what I've learned the black community is holding on to a traditional male / female roles more than the white folks at the moment. This is not my experience just an observation from BP posts. I hope I'm wrong though and things are rapidly improving everywhere equally.
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face be drawn lmao 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
nah fam, the ice would melt, that was a very hot take.
Load More Replies... Caroline Sinclair 3 years ago
Of course Vera1, but to a teenager that probably made a very strong impression. Always a good idea to hit people in their interests!
Victoria 3 years ago
Men who say women belong in the kitchen don't know what to correctly do with them in the bedroom
Zophra 3 years ago
I don't think they care as long as their needs are met.
Load More Replies... #12
A random dude saw me in a booth with my date who kept trying to feel me up even though I was saying no. The guy came right over and said to my date “she said no, get out of the f*cking booth.” My date started saying how it was a joke and we were just playing around, but the guy could tell I wanted out, so he just hauled my date out of the booth and I got out and went to the bar to tell the bartender what was going on. My date was banned from the bar and the guy got free drinks for the night.
I’ve also seen my brothers both tell their friends it’s not cool to creep/say misogynistic sh*t to girls. Both when the guys are directing that at me and to other girls. I was picking my brother up from work one day and walked in to wait in the AC and his coworker was saying to a girl that “females shouldn’t play online games because they’re distracting to the men playing” and the girl looked like she was about to say something, but my brother real quick said “dude, Don’t blame your sh*t skills on the girls. When we play you lose just as hard.” His coworker was red in the face and the girl started laughing And I’ve never been more proud of my brother haha
Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
He's not wrong. If the guy is playing badly because he's distracted by girls then that's 100% his own responsibility
Fried Mermaid 3 years ago
Ikr?! This is the time and age that I still don't understand why they use that word
Load More Replies... #13
I saw it once. It had a huge impact on me. I was on a public transportation bus, and a woman was sitting near the window, staring very pointedly out of it. A guy had come and sat next to her in the aisle seat and he was just... taunting her. Saying things like 'Heeyyyyy .... Hiiiiiiii .... are you deaf? Are you deaf, b*tch? You think you're better than me? Don't act all stuck up, b*tch, I just wanna be your friend....' etc. Eventually he escalated to throwing stuff at her, like picking up sunflower seed shells off the floor of the bus and throwing them on her lap and laughing in a really cruel way. She was completely frozen the whole time, just staring out the window.
I should mention here that there was a huge size discrepancy between them, she was very petite, and he had like a linebacker's build.
I was sitting directly behind her and I'd already made up my mind that if he tried to follow her off the bus that I would get up and follow too to make sure she wasn't alone. Before I had to, this man who was standing in the aisle of the bus next to them looked down at that guy and just went 'Hey,' and when the guy looked up at him, he just shook his head. It was so quiet, and so subtle, like a parent correcting a child quietly at a fancy dinner party or something. I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't been watching the exchange so intently myself.
Very shortly after this man distracted the guy, the woman jumped out of her seat/over his legs and bolted for the exit. The guy got up to follow her and the man just very slightly got in his path and shook his head again.
The scary guy just shook his head and made a hand gesture like 'f*ck it it's not worth it' but it was pretty clear that this guy was absolutely going to follow this woman off the bus if that man hadn't said anything.
After she got off, I made eye contact with the man and mouthed 'thank you' and he looked so taken aback that someone had noticed, he just shook his head at me too and moved away from my eye sight.
Andy Acceber 3 years ago
I'm definitely projecting here, but I don't think the guy shook his head at you because he was surprised you noticed. I think he was disappointed to find out you noticed, cared, and did nothing. I'm not trying to blame you here. We all make mistakes, and hopefully, you'll speak up sooner next time. I think that head shake was probably disappointment. I was in a similar scenario where I recorded a police brutality incident. Afterwards, bystanders thanked me, but really, I was just disappointed that they didn't also do something.
K Witmer 3 years ago
This always escalates w men like that if another woman steps in and tries to stop him. She's risking getting punched or worse. The only thing women can do when men are like this is pretend to know the woman they're harassing. I was head butted by a man bc I stopped him from grabbing a woman's boobs.
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Gitte Scheipers 3 years ago
If I was the bus driver I am female I will stop my bus and make sure that man would step out. And leave the woman alone. I will pay attention to things in my bus. And I will stop any harassments even call police if necessary
- 3 years ago
I know of bus drivers who have helped women being harassed, such as letting them out first, then blocking the door so that the harasser can't follow them.
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varwenea 3 years ago
This reply will likely be too buried to be noticed, but hopefully, someone will see it. If you find yourself in a situation observing a potentially dangerous harassment in progress, instead of confronting the harasser and risk escalation, address the victim instead. "Oh my gosh, Jennifer, is that you? I almost didn't recognize you and didn't say hi. So sorry! How are you? How are your parents? What about your grandma? Is her cancer still in emission? Oh, tell me about your brother, too. Is he recovering well from the injuries? Hey, you want to come sit with me?" Just go on and on and on, until the victim picks up your verbal signal and converse with you. Humanize the victim, distract the situation, and create separation opportunities.
Deborah B 3 years ago
Whether the OP should/could have intervened themself depends on the degree of personal risk - I don't see their gender noted. If they're another petite woman, then intervening in any way is very risky to them. The best thing to do as a woman is often to totally "not notice" the harasser, and instead pretend to know the woman "Mandy! OMG! I totally didn't recognise you without your glasses! Hey, come sit over here I have got to tell you what happened yesterday at work..."
Momma Panda 3 years ago
So you just sat there watching him throw things off the floor at her, yelling, and you did nothing, said nothing?
Joe Reaves 3 years ago
So you're fine with the victim not doing anything because she's scared but not with the OP, who sounds like another woman, not doing anything for the same reason?
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Charlotte Combs 3 years ago
The good guy in this situation was standing right next to the problem guy, Good Guy had the best opportunity and proximity to assist the female being harassed.
#14
My husband works for a bank. At the beginning of the #MeToo movement, male colleagues mentioned they were nervous to mentor women now. My husband shot this down and said, 'If there's anything you are doing that can be mistaken for harassment, that's on you, not them
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 3 years ago
Mistaken for harassment? Nah, if you make someone feel victimised in any way that's not them mistaking your behaviour- it's shitty behaviour
K Witmer 3 years ago
Yes there's no mistaking harassment at all. This whole stupid narrative they are going to be accused or lied about is so gross. It's like they're setting up their defense so no one believes women which is the case most of time anyway.
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Barbara Kayton 3 years ago
Sorry, I have to interject here. As a female, I've seen instances where the man was doing absolutely nothing to harass a woman or act in any way disrespectful, and the woman tried to claim he was. There are women out there who are jerks, just like there are men out there who are jerks. Case in point - I guy I know was walking in NYC. A woman came around the corner, on her phone, full force, and plowed straight into him so hard that she fell backwards. Instead of apologizing or asking if he was okay, she immediately started yelling "rape!". Thankfully there was a police officer right there (female, mind you), who saw the whole thing, told her to shut her up and watch where she was going next time. And other male friends have suffered similar things. We need to stop teaching society that it is always the men's behavior that is wrong. There are times when a person's behavior or resopnse is wrong - male or female.
Naesil 3 years ago
I was contemplating commenting something in same regard, but as a man I feel like I cant even comment things like this in this kind of topic and forum. But here we go.. While metoo as a movement is a good thing, the amount of fake accusations also started to fly, and lots of old stuff where while obviously bad that some producer or the like had sexual relations with female actors, there is also a high chance that some of the women did purposefully use sex as a get ahead of the rest -tool and after they have gained the success felt like scoring even more points by burning the men. (And yes majority of the cases I feel were valid and good that they became public, hollywood seems like the worst kind of cesspool)
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Janet C 3 years ago
Rule #1 for these kinds of guys: If you are saying things to a female coworker you would not say to a gay male coworker you are saying the wrong things.
Naesil 3 years ago
Personally I feel like I could say "hey you look fabulous, those pants make your butt look nice" to a gay guy but not to a female coworker.. I probably never would say that to any coworker especially in work environment but you know
Load More Replies... Marnie 3 years ago
"'If there's anything you are doing that can be mistaken for harassment, that's on you, not them" Unfortunately, this is not true. I know a young woman who talks about her "abuser". Her "abuser" was a friend of a friend she played D&D with once. He acted out his character flirting with her character. She went along with it because she didn't want to be "murdered". And she talks about the trauma of this abuse. Gag.
#15
I was the only female interviewer in a group of male colleagues and we were doing a wrap up session at the end of the day. We were discussing a candidate and one of the guys said “maybe the candidate didn’t respond well because HR is a woman.” Cue all eyes on me as the only woman for my response. Bloke to my left went straight in - “what ARE you talking about?! I doubt that’s the case but if it was I certainly wouldn’t want to hire such a misogynist.” I didn’t have to say a word. So refreshing. I thanked him in the lift later. THATS an ally.
Yurie 3 years ago
Arrrgh can't wait for the day we, women, don't feel the need to thank someone for a common sense remark.
Al Jameson 3 years ago
What?? When somebody sticks up for me (a white man), I thank them. Not thanking people for supporting you doesn't make you empowered. It just makes you an a**hole.
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Lydia Languish 3 years ago
Once I was conducting an interview with a older male candidate for a call centre role and and the end of the interview he said “ Just so you know I could never take orders from a woman” - interestingly my female manager didn’t hire him.
K Witmer 3 years ago
How do they get through life then? How will they ever get a job?
Load More Replies... #16
I was a first year apprentice, working for a guy who runs his own business. He drives us to work every day, and an all around chill dude. One day, I was walking around site carrying a very big light I was going to install, and the site super saw me and turned to my boss who was working on something in the vicinity and said “you sure hired a pretty strong girl there dave” And without a beat, dave (my boss at the time) said “she’s not just a girl, she’s an electrician”
Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
I love this. All the best technicians at my work including the foreman are women :) (forewoman?)
JASH80 3 years ago
I can't see anything wrong with the original statement. THe super just stated that this there was a strong girl, which is actually nice and I'd love for someone to acknowledge my strength as a woman (I can carry heavier than most men I know). He wanted to put emphasis on the fact that she was a strong FEMALE, nothing wrong with that. I am sure he knew she is an electrician, this was not the point here.
Izz R.! 3 years ago
Yes, call her out for what she can do! don't call her out solely because of her gender! some women do more and better things than men and people automatically assume that men are better, i am a man and i have to say that i hate this way of thinking. I know that there are better more intelligent women than me and i wouldn't give it a second thought to work with one, i would hire a woman over any man if she was better qualified!
#17
I was conducting the technical portion of an interview for a software developer position and the interviewee interrupted me to question my credentials. Thankfully, the man from HR picked up on this and gave the candidate a very confident NO THANKS.
Pheebs 3 years ago
Loool. Had an intern my team was interviewing interrupt me to “correct” me on something I said about email marketing. This dude was a student, and had zero experience in the field. While none of my male coworkers needed to jump as I corrected the guy myself, it was nice afterward for one to point out the guy might be trouble. He was right. Guy worked on our team for a few months, and the rest of the team defended me more than once when it was clear he really didn’t like taking instructions from me. The argument in his interview turned out to be fairly common.
#18
When I was around 19 I was taking the bus home late at night, a dude with aa weird vibe was trying to get my attention and this older man on the bus was watching out of the corner of his eye. I dinged to get off at my stop, which was deserted and the creepy guy stood up too.
The older guy, for right in between us and made him sit down, literally wasn't gonna let him off the bus to follow me.
Me and the old guy had never said a word to each other but he was totally looking out for me.
Katherine Boag 3 years ago
Had a guy at the bus station 'just wanting to be my friend' and would not listen to my soft no's. Luckily my mum was picking me up and i didnt have to walk anywhere or get on a different bus.
Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
If there are other people around it is 100% okay to state *very loudly* "I told you that I want to be left alone!!" or even to swear loudly at him. People will look round at him, and even if they do nothing else he will now know he's being observed. I've had to do this once or twice in my life and it's always worked.
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Virginie Michaud 3 years ago
In Montreal, we have a special service called "Entre deux arrêts", which means between two stops. It was designed by my aunt who was a women safety expert so that after sunset, a women could ask the driver to be dropped off anywhere safe along the route, allowing for a shorter walk, and making it much less likely someone would follow you out. It's existed since the 90s at least. Buses have stickers by the doors and on the windows with the logo my aunt designed. It's now an inclusive measure, and anyone can ask for it.
Edward Willis 3 years ago
It's unlikely that the next stop is so far he can't walk back if he's innocent, and if he's guilty the woman will have time to be elsewhere by the time he walks back. I think the thing here is, if he has bad intentions, that could go horribly badly for the woman, and if the worst thing is he missed his stop then that's a small price to pay, and it'll let him know that his behaviour, even if innocent, is sufficient to scare people and needs to stop.
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#19
I used to work in a machine shop in my college. My desk was right next to the door. One day a kid walks in and I ask him if he needs help. He looks at me and goes "no he can help me" while walking toward my boss. After listening to his question my boss replies "well shes the one you need to ask but I don't think she'll want to help you now"
Devil's Advocate 3 years ago
I've had this before, when I was younger working in a "old man" industry where I would be ignored and walked past to get to the older staff, who would then ask me because I worked there full time and I knew the stock like the back of my hand
MotherofGuineaPigs 3 years ago
Same here. Worked in a big box store. Mornings were contractors/sub-contractors. Guy comes in to the paint department - 'Can I help you?" No thanks honey, I'll ask him. Goes over to my coworker who then loudly says "If you are refinishing wood, you really need to talk to her, she knows more about that than anyone in this department.' Look on the guys face is priceless.
Load More Replies... Nicole 3 years ago
I worked at Home Depot in college. People did this all the time. Once I witnessed a customer literally push another woman I worked with out of the way to ask a male associate a question. To his credit, even though he could have answered the guy’s question, my coworker told him “that’s her department” (pointing at the person this guy had just shoved) and walked away. Also, men would walk right by me when I asked if they needed help to go to one of the male cashiers to ask them. As I was their direct supervisor at the time, I always made sure to be within eyesight when my phone rang for them to ask me to answer the customer’s question.
#20
My fiancé is a (senior) software engineer and on at least 3 different occasions I have overheard him stop a man who has cut off or started talking over a women, and say something like, “Can you please stop talking, I was trying to listen to what x was saying. X, could you continue or “ummmmm x was talking…….. x, would you mind repeating yourself”. And each time it makes me simultaneously tear up a little with happiness and also get super turned on! I haven’t told him yet that I’ve overheard him
Grumble O'Pug 3 years ago
Just saying how great this is, covering up a really tone deaf, insipid, weak post below.
Insert Generic Username 3 years ago
I know y'all do this out of kindness but it does not help. Your comment doesn't cover up the other comment. Bored Panda hides the comment after it gets enough down votes. What you and many other people do does the opposite: it draws attention to said comment. That said, I appreciate what you're trying to do because it tells me you care about other people, even in an online setting.
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Petra Moon 3 years ago
Being a real man is sexy and real men are not sexist.
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#21
this random creepy guy at night called my legs sexy when I wear wearing heels a and dress that went down to my mid thigh. i called him out for being weird/creepy and he said it was a compliment and i was asking for it by wearing that.
two teenagers or young adults (both young men) were there and one yelled at him saying i could wear whatever i wanted.. i felt so thankful for that, wish i could have thanked him after but we all scattered from the creep.
Reading-under-Sequoias🫶🇺🇦 3 years ago
Okay, guys listen up. Never call a girl sexy if you don't know her. Even if you do, still don't. You can call your significant other sexy, that's fine. You can compliment a girl without telling her she looks sexy. It just makes it awkward and uncomfortable. And yes, I know that not every man is like this and that there are some girls that do this too. But please keep this in mind. Thank you and have a good day!
Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
I don't think men realise how quickly girls/women have to learn that the moment a man is interested in us sexually we're in danger. Maybe from verbal abuse, maybe from ending up in dustbin bags along the motorway, maybe somewhere in between. You have to earn the right to tell a girl she looks sexy by having already established a trusting relationship (SO or friend). So bad luck, you can't just say whatever you want and demand that women feel okay with it. Enjoy what you see, without making it obvious you're staring or expecting anything in return. If you are interested in getting to know her then talk to her like a human being.
Load More Replies... Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
I can imagine how that one comment changed the situation right around for the woman, from uncomfortable and intimidating to no longer feeling alone and feeling safer.
#22
A few times. Three guys from my local rugby club were drinking in the bar I was working in. I was there, but not on shift, I was waiting for my friend to finish her shift. One of the blokes knew me vaguely via my brother but the other two didn't. A customer kept spouting misogynist stuff to my friend, getting gradually louder, until one of the blokes heard, and shouted "Oi, muppet, keep your village idiot ideas to yourself!" Another one chimed in "That's my sister you knobhead, " All three of them stood up, and turned to face this customer, and he slunk out. Was lovely to see.
Cat Palmer 3 years ago
The great all-purpose British insult. (Apparently Irish as well, I see from another comment.)
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Id row 3 years ago
I was bartending one time and my dad stopped in for a drink. Another guy at the bar said, "When is that b*tch going to cut her hair?" and my father said, "That b*tch is my daughter." The guy had an 'oh, sh*t' moment, finished his beer in one gulp and walked out.
face be drawn lmao 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
"it was at that momemt, he (the guy) knew, he f****d up."
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#23
One of my first bosses was ridiculously supportive of women. A lot of us got hired out of high school, so he got to watch us grow up. I can't count the number of times he would step in and stop comments from either customers or other male workers. He supported any interest you had, made sure you got the experience to know if you liked it or not. He was known for expecting strict professionalism, anything off color was dealt with right then. I am still ridiculously fond of him.
That said, my husband is the epitome of a man's man to look at him and has never failed to correct someone when they veer into that territory regardless of how he knows them. Gives me a lot of faith in men tbh.
#24
I had a friend who I wasn't super close with in high school stand up for me when I was being bullied by quite a few other guys who had spread a rumour about me that involved a sexual incident that never happened.
One of them started saying sh*t to me and calling me slurs (sl*t, etc.) and my friend who was also his good friend told him to shut the f*ck up, get his facts straight (he knew the rumour was false) and never talk to women like that again whether or not anything sexual had happened. We're not in contact anymore but I remember that day so vividly and I remember hugging him so tightly and thanking him for being a good person.
Tinder of the SkyWings 3 years ago (edited)
they said they weren't great friends with them then, not that they aren't now
Load More Replies... Insert Generic Username 3 years ago
I had a Facebook friend whom I'd never even interacted with stand up for me. Some guy left an extremely graphic comment on one of my selfies about what he would do to me if he was ever alone with me. My Facebook friend laid into him to the point that I got an apology from the nasty guy.
John C 3 years ago (edited)
Wow. Makes me wish some women that knew better would have stood up for me when I was falsely accused of rape. They were all too happy to go along with it and even perpetuate the lie.
Teresa Spanics 3 years ago
I hope that you were cleared of that horrible accusation and that Karma got your accuser and those horrible women!
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#25
It was a random man unrelated to me. Some guy decided to catcall another customer at Starbucks, a college aged woman, and say 2 disgusting sentences to her. I felt terrified and couldn’t muster up the courage to say something and neither could she. A young man who was also at Starbucks, unrelated to the both of us, told him off and said he needed to leave and “we don’t do that here”. Lovely.
gellert grindlewald 3 years ago
could you please explain what you mean? I would like to know!
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Martin Forbes 3 years ago
Reading these comments makes me wonder what these men were taught in their family homes and which family member did they learn from.
Insert Generic Username 3 years ago
They likely learned it from observing their father (or father figure) engaging in that kind of behavior.
Load More Replies... Magoomba 3 years ago
I was in a local bar years ago when one of my enemies was harassing a new bartender who was nervous enough about working her first shift. When she brought me a beer I told her “don’t worry about a thing. I’ve been looking for an excuse to kick that dude’s ass for a long time”. I got free beers the rest of the night and I think one of dudes friends heard what I said because he changed his behavior after that.
#26
I was walking home from work (I live in an American city) and while waiting for the walk sign, a man came up to me asking me if wanted to model. I politely declined but the man wouldn’t leave me alone. Another man just simply stepped in front of me. Said no words but just put himself between me and this other guy that wouldn’t leave me alone. It was a small, but welcome gesture.
Jelo Alconaba 3 years ago
That creep should be reported to the cops. He might victimize others.
#27
I do but I recall one particular time. I was playing video games with my friends like most of the evenings (all boys most of the times and this time I was the only woman). A boy who I didn't knew join the group for this game night and suddently he tell something REALLY sexist at me. I didn't say anything at first because I like the calm before the storm and to prepare a really good answer but most of the boys defend me and lash at him so I didn't have the opportunity to even respond and then, in game they were all bashing him and killing him. I was really surprised in a good way.
ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕣_𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕕 3 years ago
"The calm before the storm." A good way to remember to think before speaking. I can't tell you how many times I'd later on think of something really clever that I'd wished I'd said at the time.
Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 3 years ago
Practice, practice, practice. Start by saying something, with the time, clever answers will come themselves. Saying nothing at all is exactly the opposite. So, talk and say what you have to say.
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#28
Happened one of the first times ever today. My new boss asked if there was anything others on the team were doing that bothered me or anything I want to make sure to avoid in the future ; it reminded me that while it wasn’t an issue yet, I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be my male coworkers’ “manager” He said that he noticed my male coworkers trying to give me little tasks that weren’t my responsibility; and specifically said it was perfectly fine to say hell no, he had my back, and I wasn’t their secretary. Felt amazing after working for 3 years at a company where all the women were expected to do the admin tasks.
Andy Acceber 3 years ago
Women were constantly expected to do the admin tasks at my job. In meetings, whenever the leader would ask for a notetaker, all the rest of the men would fall silent like they didn't know how pencils work, until some woman would volunteer or just be told to do it. I finally pointed this out to my male boss. I don't think he believed me -- until it happened again the very next meeting. Now, he consciously mixes up gender when choosing notetakers and frequently volunteers to take on the job himself while letting someone else lead the meetings.
ChickyChicky 3 years ago
This is such a great example of unconscious bias. The men in the room have never been expected to do this, they just don't even think about it. If asked point-blank, they would probably say "but Linda always volunteers, I thought she liked to do it." And they would deny that it's sexist because they "don't have a sexist bone in their body." But it's real, it happens, the women see it every day. Are they intentionally being rude? Probably not. It just doesn't occur to them because they've been conditioned to not look for it. Once you got your boss to see it and look for it, he made a change.
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Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago (edited)
THIS!!! I took on some admin roles by myself just to help my coworkers out when our admin lady quit - some jobs just need to get done but there’s no one else to do it so I was trying to be a team player. Now I’m constantly asked to do secretary stuff (I’m the marketing director, why are you asking me to go buy you a new stapler ffs) One manager needs a new printer so I called our IT company and asked for one to be sent, and now this manager is daily harassing me “where’s my printer? Can you call and get an update? It’s been 2 weeks and I still don’t have a printer?” So I went to my boss and asked him if I could stop doing those admin duties, I’m too busy with my own work. His response was “LOL why tf is it your responsibility to order her a printer? I appreciate the help but it sounds like the employees taking advantage of you, tell her to figure out her own damn printer and they can get their own office supplies. I pay you too much for that.” 😂 thanks boss
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah, I hear you. My former boss at an IT company asked me to vacuum the office and clean out the refrigerator. I was in the office exactly 5 hours a week and worked from home the rest while the other 2 staffers were full time in office. Without batting an eye, one of my male co-workers pipes up and says, "You seriously want her to clean up after us like she's our Mommy or something? She's only here on Mondays and doesn't even USE the refrigerator". My boss turned beet red and started to sputter something, but I jumped in with "Yeah, that's a no. I was hired as your bookkeeper, not a cleaner". He ended up hiring someone to come in once a week. Heaven forbid he pick up a broom himself.
#29
A male customer stood up for me and told another male customer who was calling me names and screaming at me inside of a restaurant to f*ck off. He also asked the other guy if this is how he normally treats women or anyone else for that matter. The assh*le never did answer him and he just walked out of the restaurant angry. I thanked the guy who had my back profusely.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
There's nothing better if you work in customer service than when the other customer's stand up for you in a way you can't without losing your job. A woman was calling me all kinds of names once and I was about to lose it...I can only take so much, you know? But 2 other customer's actually stepped in and told the lady to leave and they literally walked her out shaming her the whole way. They said everything I wanted to say. It was glorious, lol!
Piper L 3 years ago
I'm currently a retail manager, and don't let customers talk down to my staff, but on another hand I take great joy in being that speak up customer on behalf of other retail/service workers. I'm literally like 'I don't work here, it's not like they can fire me!!'.
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#30
absolutely! a young man stepped up and stopped a guy who was harassing me in a pharmacy, i've watched groups of students shut down sexism in class and walk female students to classes or cars. i spend time with a lot of anarchists and have seen so many guys do the right thing inside that community.
Groundcontroltomajortom 3 years ago
Unpopular opinion but that word always conjures up images of the Soviet Union, Nazis and 1984 for me. Sorry 🙈🙈
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#31
I once walked into work with my hair and makeup done up. A man who worked in the building (who I did not know) said - lookin good today! Who you looking good for?” Etc etc. I said “myself…” but brushed it off, because women are so used to these things that they forget they’re even annoyed sometimes. Later that day my boss pulled me aside and said that he overheard the interaction, that he was really sorry and took it seriously. He’d had a conversation with my coworker about why it was inappropriate and to let him know if there were issues in the future. Reader, this boss was not trying to put moves on me or anything. He just noticed a microaggression and used his power to step in without me having to do anything. He also made a special trip one time to get me a red bull when we ran out at work. I didn’t ask or anything, he just overheard me saying I was exhausted and wanted one and did it. Weirdly enough, the b12 in Red Bull sometimes wakes me up when nothing else can…anyway, I was blown away by how thoughtful this man was. I’ll remember him always because it’s certainly not something I’ve experienced since! Sometimes I think about how much I’d like to be able to leave an impact on employees and coworkers through that level of thoughtfulness, but then I remember that as women, we do this so often that the little things don’t really leave an impact. Oh well.
#32
I had a guy at work report another guy who was sexually harassing the hell out of me. Against my wishes at the time, I didn't want to make waves. They suspended the guy, and his first day back he cornered and threatened me. Dude was so f*cking nuts that they fired him on the spot, had security walk me to my car, and allowed me to take a week off. I was seriously in fear of my life for a bit there, but I'm glad dude reported and made a deal out of it. The guy wouldn't take no for an answer, and was sure creepy/stalky.
ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕣_𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕕 3 years ago (edited)
Sounds like this SOB needs to be taken off the streets. Glad she's okay inspite of it all.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Seriously, the company should've called the cops on him and maybe it would've held a little more weight than just if a woman had tried to call it in on her own.
Load More Replies... Kate Jones 3 years ago
I often read these nightmare stories and I don't know why but I still get surprised by them. In this day and age to still see people in a modern workplace trying to get away with this behavior is almost astounding. I know it makes me sounds naïve but...it's just so blatant!
#33
I had a roommate who would do this. He'd always help out girls being harassed on the metro and stuff like that.
Also I had a few random guys help me out one night when some dude was trying to grab at me in the street once.
#34
Leaving the club, a group of guys were catcalling me/calling me a racial slur/barking at me . A complete random man walked in and said “HEY YOU DONT TALK TO HER LIKE THAT” and then asked if I was okay. Unbelievable men can do that but I’m so grateful other men can step in
#35
I was on the bus and there was a drunk guy sitting next to a woman (who ultimately turned out to be his girlfriend/wife). He was being really loud and volatile, talking to other passengers (myself included), and he kept pestering the woman sitting besides him.
At one point he leaned in really close to her and demanded she kiss him; she turned away and told him no, but he kept pestering her and attempting to kiss her.
Another passenger, a twenty something year old man, then approached them and asked the woman whether this guy was bothering her and if she wanted to get off on the next stop with him.
She laughed and told him "no it's fine I know him" and the drunk guy got really upset at the other guy for assuming he was a creep. He yelled at him, claiming he was just having fun, etc, and I felt terrible that the man got berated for offering help. The woman genuinely seemed uncomfortable with the kissing, and though this situation turned out fine, it could have been very different.
To the man who offered help - thank you. I really appreciated that you stood up for her.
Beth S 3 years ago
This frustrates me for several reasons - the biggest reason being this scenario could potentially cause the young man not to standup for a woman next time he encounters this behavior. It also irritates me that a woman seems to believe that it is ok for this behavior to take place because she knows him. It further irks me that she didn't standup for the young man when the douche started berating him... so frustrating the whole scenario.
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
When my ex-husband would get drunk (he had a beard and I would smell like beer - so gross), he'd grab me and say, "kiss me. And kiss me like you mean it." Disgusting.
#36
I got catcalled/harassed while walking to work and a man who I didn't know intervened and told the harasser off. Wish I could've thanked that guy.
#37
Yeah, the software manager at my last job was always very quick to call out sexist comments. I think he liked picking fights generally, haha, but he was always picking the good fight.
#38
Coworker told a customer I’m a minor when they said I needed a d*ck in me. My manager found out and he was pissed and said if I see the guy again he’d call the cops. Btw I needed the d because I couldn’t legally sell the customer alchohol. Customers are asses, coworkers are great.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
Of course, that's what we all need when we don't perform to their liking or do as they think in all cases 🙄 /s
#39
I was on a public transportation tram with my sleeping newborn in a pram. Some middle aged dude approached me and started criticizing my parenting, saying things like "you should not bring a newborn to public transportation", "you should not be out with the baby this late" (it was like 7 pm), etc. He kept insisting I have to let him peek in the pram (it was covered to not disturb the sleeping baby) to make sure the baby was OK since I was apparently very incapable parent. Normally, I would just tell him to f off, but I was worried would he would do to the pram and baby if I anger him, so I just tried my best to stay between him and the pram. It went on for about 10 minutes (we were in the back of the tram and it wasn't very full) before a group of teenage boys noticed. They stood between us and told the man to let me alone. He would still try to get to the pram (to "check on the baby") couple times, but the boys stopped him. I asked them where they were getting off so I could get off with them and just wait for another tram. They said: "Well, apparently we are going wherever you are going." They helped me to get off on my stop and when the dude tried to get off too claiming it was his stop too, they blocked the door so he could not get out.
Final score:
20points
tuzdayschild 3 years ago
I started to to read these but then skipped straight here. I don't feel like being pissed this morning.
#40
Couple of times. I had a guy friend who had a mentor-like relationship with a younger coworker, and he'd lecture him about how his internet-based beliefs about women were wrong. Another male friend corrected a female friend when she suggested he make out with a drunk girl, stating "drunk flirting is not consent".
#41
Yes. I have a group of friends, we all meet regularly to play video games. For a long time I was the only woman in the group, and only one of the men treated me differently than he treated everyone else. Eventually they started noticing and would gently call him out with questions like, “Do you really feel that’s appropriate?” When he wouldn’t stop, eventually he must have grown to resent me and he started harassing me by text, they told him he has to try to learn or he can’t come back.
#42
Never.
There was this one time years ago when I was working as a fast food worker, though. I was mopping or sweeping the lobby, and a regular customer (maybe 60M?) came up to me and said "You'll make a good wife one day." And I was a little confused, shocked, and embarrassed that someone would say something like that to me. I didn't want to react angrily because he probably meant well, so I just said back "Well, I'd make HIM do the mopping." And he kinda laughed or maybe realized his mistake and then said, "Then you'll make a good boss one day." And then he walked away.
Zozo🤟 3 years ago
I’m glad that the situation was taken care of, but I’m still very sad that it happened in the first place. Hugs for the writer
Cold Contagious 3 years ago (edited)
OP stated that it happened years ago and the guy was probably in his 60's. While I'm not giving excuses for anyone to behave in a inappropriate manner, a man that old was raised and began raising their families in a era where the gender roles were very different from today. Depending on the areas that they lived in, those ways of thinking persisted much longer than in other major cities and places like that. My mother's nearly 80 year old husband, grew up in rural Indiana and he still has slivers of this thinking that shines through, though you can tell that he's not meaning to be offensive. It's just the only life he knew. Edited to add the word not.
Load More Replies... face be drawn lmao 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
i mean, at least he realized his mistake, or he just wanted "to keep his man pride"
#43
I work in an industry that’s predominantly male. I often have male customers joke that I don’t know what I’m doing or tell me they’ll wait for a man to help them. My colleagues always correct the person treating me like that and inform them that even though I’m female, I am in fact the most experienced.
#44
God I've been trying so hard to think of an example. I have a couple of male friends (a trans man and gay man) that I think would stand up and correct misogyny but haven't seen it because we don't hang out in any situation that would have someone misogynistic around. My gay latin teacher has stopped many misogynistic things from happening, including chasing away men that harassed me on our school trip. I can't think of a single cis straight man that's stepped in. I remember once on that same school trip, I was buried in sand on a beach and my female friends were getting water and a male friend of mine just stood by and watched as another guy felt me up (I couldn't move bc of the weight of the sand, only my chest and face were still unexposed). I remember I cried for my male friend to make the other guy stop and he just was like "bro stop it" and then the other guy stopped for a second and then got back to it, male friend didn't make any other effort, just shrugged. My female friends came back and pulled me out of the sand and dragged the other guy away and helped me approach him later to tell him that if he ever tried to touch me, even just my shoulder, that I would break his nose. Later the girls and I ignored him the rest of the trip, the boys knew what happened and were still friendly with him despite claiming to be my friends. My friends mom was a parent chaperone and told us we were being cruel and to stop excluding him. The teacher chaperone had seen the original situation happened and didn't step in. (These chaperones were not from my school, but from a different school also on the trip). I regret not telling my teacher that I mentioned before. But I was 16 and embarrassed.
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
The teacher who watched and didn't stop or report the sexual assault needs to be reported and fired. Period.
#45
We were at subway and the worker was snickering at me because I couldn’t hear him because I’m deaf. I’m also small so I couldn’t read his lips easily. This was apparently funny to him. My buddy sonned him out.
#46
Literally never. It's so ingrained in society that you're the weird one for not letting it get brushed under the rug. Most, if not all men I know would rather fit in and laugh at all of the misogynistic comments than to challenge and correct it
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 3 years ago
Yeah, after reading the question my initial answer was just a simple "no".
Kate Jones 3 years ago
The problem is guys will often defend you in private but publicly not help for fear of not being 'one of the guys'. I don't need someone to do some over-the-top defending of me. Don't get me wrong I'm sure the women on the list who told their stories appreciated it but mostly I just wish the subtle stuff wouldn't get overlooked. The times I've been at a table with all guys and I start talking and then they interrupt me like what I'm saying isn't important or interesting. I wish someone would say 'oh hey you got interrupted, what were you saying?" Just to bring it to people's attention. It doesn't need to be a speech or yelling...just recognize it. Don't act like it didn't happen. I also wish guys would stop using the word p***sy whenever they are talking about men being weak. Stop making a part of a woman the worst thing a man can be.
Dolly_of TheCowboy 3 years ago
Older co-worker of mine many years back was watching some guy make an idiot of himself in a meeting and whispered to me "what an enlarged prostate he is". I nearly herniated trying not to laugh out loud but have used that insult at appropriate times ever since
Load More Replies... #47
My friends and I were walking in a downtown city and some guys were cat calling (like the VERY inappropriate stuff) at a friend and one of the dudes in my group stepped in and told them off. So glad he was there because I'm really tiny and I was ready to go off at the person, but it would not have been a good ending without the guys in that group.
#48
Yes. I've worked with some great colleagues who were having none of that, and shut it down. They were the people I learned from that many men feel uncomfortable with sexism in the workplace-- in the same way that someone might be uncomfortable with racism in the workplace, even if it's not directly affecting them. (If only I could set up a filter to always work with guys like this!) I'd also like to give a shout out to the men who aren't comfortable with confrontation, but will email about it after the fact, and the ones who didn't do the shutting down but approach the person who did later to thank them.
Caroline Sinclair 3 years ago
Great shout out! All of these actions help to reinforce the message that this is not okay.
#49
My mother's colleague once interrupted two guys that were harassing a girl on the street. He got beaten up for it and needed to be stitched together afterwards, but the girl got away (and he is fine now). I don't remember other occasions. My ex always stressed how important it is to support women, but after a couple that he was friends with broke up because the guy turned out to be a sexist assh*le (the "women belong into the kitchen"-kind) he completely ignored it and even tried to defend him
#50
During the Pokémon Go Summer of 2016, I was out in the park with my brother and there was a lot of people with their phones out because a Vaporeon had shown up in the park and everyone wanted to catch it. I joined this random group of people who were also looking for Vaporeon and I started talking to my brother about how excited I am to catch it because I've been trying to evolve my Eevee into Vaporeon for ages. One guy in the group started getting all uppity and accused me of only being interested in Pokémon because it was a "fad" and he bet I wouldn't be able to name any Pokémon outside of the original 151. I started listing some of my favourite Pokémon (Snivy, Piplup, Emolga, Sylveon, Latias, Espurr etc) all of which weren't in Pokémon Go at the time. I then said I've played pretty much every game from Gen 1-6 and I was looking forward to playing Pokémon Moon when it comes out later that year. He got strangely quiet after that.
Final score:
11points
Rijkærd 3 years ago
It like an unwritten rule with BP ...there must be one completely unrelated irrelevant but somehow harmless entry that doesn't fit with the original article title...seen it more than once
Load More Replies... #51
Yes, I work in an industry that’s predominantly men. I often have male customers joke (or not) that I don’t know what I’m doing, tell me they’ll wait for a man to help them, or will completely ignore me and go directly to one of my male coworkers. My colleagues always correct the person treating me like that and inform them that even though I’m female, I am in fact the most experienced and actually know more than they do so they should treat me with more respect.
What do you think ?
ToGo 3 years ago
I often wonder if, aside from the guys who get aggressive/potentially dangerous, guys don't always speak up right away because it's also misogynistic to assume we women can't defend ourselves. Many of us can defend ourselves, it's true, but misogynists generally need to be shamed by another man in order to see that their behaviour is dead wrong. My point, please do speak up.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
it's definitely a concern. the times that i have called people out for assholery, i definitely wondered if i was crossing a line myself by being patronizing. I've been yelled at for holding a door open and it stuck with me. like i know that woman was overreacting, but the idea never left my head.
Load More Replies...
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I had a mechanic try to tell me that the reason my Carburetor was flooding on my Honda was because I had bent metal in it. I grew up with a Diesel Mechanic for a Dad, so I knew he was giving me a load of BS. I took it to another mechanic and he looked at me strange when I told him what the other mechanic said. Turned out they were friends and he called him on the spot in front of me and chewed him out for trying to pull a crappy thing on me just because I'm a woman. When he told him I was a mechanics daughter, the other guy was shocked. I ran into him later and he apologized. Guess the honest mechanic told his buddies what he tried to do and he was chastised for weeks after. It was a small town too, so word got around and women stopped taking their cars to him.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
Makes me grind my teeth when I walk into a auto parts store knowing exactly what I need and i get ignored or told are you sure.... yeah I'm fking sure. My Hobbie is my cars, my husband helps with the wrenching cause I got carpletunnel in my wrists and hands. Grrrrr....
Load More Replies...
Yurie 3 years ago
I was watching Shang-Chi in the theater, I am Northeast Asian and actually into drifting and auto-racing. In the part where Awkwafina tries to save the bus with no brakes, a Caucasian male teen said that female Asian drivers are terrible drivers. The Caucasian male teen sitting next to him told him his remark was racist then apologized to me on the behalf of his friend.
elSti 3 years ago
So the guy was apologizing for the asian part in his friends remark?
Load More Replies...
BorPand8 3 years ago
These were good to read! Personally I think that men don't get to be all #NOTALLMEN if they've never stepped in to prove that, indeed, some men care about women they're not related or don't want to f**k. Otherwise it just seems like they're silently supporting and encouraging the douchebags.
Eppe 3 years ago
What about men that respect women though their own words and actions, but are too shy, insecure, socially awkward, depressed or whatever to actively step in and stop bullies? You are perpetuating a stereotype of a man as a heroic being required to actively protect others.
Load More Replies...
Imogene Cargeaux 3 years ago
YAY!!! I LOVE when we pay men on the backs n throw them parties for doing the BARE FUCKEN MINIMUM!!! It's so much fun!! Like... yeah, it's dope that there's some dudes who stand up the assholes... but like... that should just be the norm. We shouldn't have to celebrate men to get them to do the right thing. They should just be decent fucken ppl n stick up for fellow human beings. Regardless of their gender. N Vice versa. I understand we have to highlight these instances in order to show ppl how they should behave in these situations... but like.. it's wild how we literally write whole ass articles about this s**t n ppl act like this is incredible... but it's like... the bars really that low for men huh?
A Strike 3 years ago
Also, I completely agree with this post! The bar for men IS disappointingly low :/
Load More Replies...
Trees 3 years ago
My brother and his wife are both doctors. He is a doctor of physics, his wife a doctor doctor. They were on a cruise and a doctor doctor was needed in the middle of the night. A crew member knocked on their cabin door, she answered the door - they say "we need doctor *****" - she says "that's me" - crew member checks his notepad, and says no, a male doctor...
Kat 3 years ago
Maybe there was an issue with their improbability drive and not a medical emergency...
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 3 years ago
A friend of mine was once complaining about how a woman he'd offered a drink to in a bar would just take the drink and after chatting would then leave (instead of it becoming an opening for him to flirt with them and possibly more) and another friend of mine asked him what his problem was, as he offered her a drink and she accepted, which is the end of the transaction and she owed him nothing more just because friend #1 decided to offer her a drink.
ChickyChicky 3 years ago
Three of my friends and I (all female) were in Vegas, and we went out to a club. Gross guys kept trying to grind up on us. Another guy, about our age, by himself, just started dancing closer to us. He didn't touch us, he just joined our group. If gross guys came over, our new friend would dance closer. For like an hour, he just danced with us. He was there to dance (he may have even been gay, not sure) and we were fun, and he wound up being our unintentional bouncer. We gave him hugs and thanked him when we left. 1) What he did was kind and helpful. 2) The fact that it took another man to keep gross guys off us is really sad, why did the gross guys think it was okay to begin with? We weren't making eyes or signaling them closer.
Bill Allen 3 years ago
A couple of years ago, I was at a Wal-Mart and heading for the checkout. I got behind a man who looked to be in his 80’s and he was leaning heavily on his shopping cart and moving very slow. I wanted to change lanes and go around him but I had to wait for a young Latina and a girl that looked to be in her early teens to go by. As they passed the old man, he looked over and said something to them that I couldn’t hear. They moved on without paying much attention to him. When we were passing him, he looked over at me and said, “if they can’t speak English, they should go back where they came from.” It shocked me for a second and then I stopped and told him he should stop being an a*****e. Then I repeated it louder to make it sink in. By that time the ladies were gone so I checked out and left. I can’t say that I’ve been perfect all my life but some of us eventually grow up and some never do.
ToGo 3 years ago
I often wonder if, aside from the guys who get aggressive/potentially dangerous, guys don't always speak up right away because it's also misogynistic to assume we women can't defend ourselves. Many of us can defend ourselves, it's true, but misogynists generally need to be shamed by another man in order to see that their behaviour is dead wrong. My point, please do speak up.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
it's definitely a concern. the times that i have called people out for assholery, i definitely wondered if i was crossing a line myself by being patronizing. I've been yelled at for holding a door open and it stuck with me. like i know that woman was overreacting, but the idea never left my head.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
I had a mechanic try to tell me that the reason my Carburetor was flooding on my Honda was because I had bent metal in it. I grew up with a Diesel Mechanic for a Dad, so I knew he was giving me a load of BS. I took it to another mechanic and he looked at me strange when I told him what the other mechanic said. Turned out they were friends and he called him on the spot in front of me and chewed him out for trying to pull a crappy thing on me just because I'm a woman. When he told him I was a mechanics daughter, the other guy was shocked. I ran into him later and he apologized. Guess the honest mechanic told his buddies what he tried to do and he was chastised for weeks after. It was a small town too, so word got around and women stopped taking their cars to him.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
Makes me grind my teeth when I walk into a auto parts store knowing exactly what I need and i get ignored or told are you sure.... yeah I'm fking sure. My Hobbie is my cars, my husband helps with the wrenching cause I got carpletunnel in my wrists and hands. Grrrrr....
Load More Replies... Yurie 3 years ago
I was watching Shang-Chi in the theater, I am Northeast Asian and actually into drifting and auto-racing. In the part where Awkwafina tries to save the bus with no brakes, a Caucasian male teen said that female Asian drivers are terrible drivers. The Caucasian male teen sitting next to him told him his remark was racist then apologized to me on the behalf of his friend.
elSti 3 years ago
So the guy was apologizing for the asian part in his friends remark?
Load More Replies... BorPand8 3 years ago
These were good to read! Personally I think that men don't get to be all #NOTALLMEN if they've never stepped in to prove that, indeed, some men care about women they're not related or don't want to f**k. Otherwise it just seems like they're silently supporting and encouraging the douchebags.
Eppe 3 years ago
What about men that respect women though their own words and actions, but are too shy, insecure, socially awkward, depressed or whatever to actively step in and stop bullies? You are perpetuating a stereotype of a man as a heroic being required to actively protect others.
Load More Replies... Imogene Cargeaux 3 years ago
YAY!!! I LOVE when we pay men on the backs n throw them parties for doing the BARE FUCKEN MINIMUM!!! It's so much fun!! Like... yeah, it's dope that there's some dudes who stand up the assholes... but like... that should just be the norm. We shouldn't have to celebrate men to get them to do the right thing. They should just be decent fucken ppl n stick up for fellow human beings. Regardless of their gender. N Vice versa. I understand we have to highlight these instances in order to show ppl how they should behave in these situations... but like.. it's wild how we literally write whole ass articles about this s**t n ppl act like this is incredible... but it's like... the bars really that low for men huh?
A Strike 3 years ago
Also, I completely agree with this post! The bar for men IS disappointingly low :/
Load More Replies... Trees 3 years ago
My brother and his wife are both doctors. He is a doctor of physics, his wife a doctor doctor. They were on a cruise and a doctor doctor was needed in the middle of the night. A crew member knocked on their cabin door, she answered the door - they say "we need doctor *****" - she says "that's me" - crew member checks his notepad, and says no, a male doctor...
Kat 3 years ago
Maybe there was an issue with their improbability drive and not a medical emergency...
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 3 years ago
A friend of mine was once complaining about how a woman he'd offered a drink to in a bar would just take the drink and after chatting would then leave (instead of it becoming an opening for him to flirt with them and possibly more) and another friend of mine asked him what his problem was, as he offered her a drink and she accepted, which is the end of the transaction and she owed him nothing more just because friend #1 decided to offer her a drink.
ChickyChicky 3 years ago
Three of my friends and I (all female) were in Vegas, and we went out to a club. Gross guys kept trying to grind up on us. Another guy, about our age, by himself, just started dancing closer to us. He didn't touch us, he just joined our group. If gross guys came over, our new friend would dance closer. For like an hour, he just danced with us. He was there to dance (he may have even been gay, not sure) and we were fun, and he wound up being our unintentional bouncer. We gave him hugs and thanked him when we left. 1) What he did was kind and helpful. 2) The fact that it took another man to keep gross guys off us is really sad, why did the gross guys think it was okay to begin with? We weren't making eyes or signaling them closer.
Bill Allen 3 years ago
A couple of years ago, I was at a Wal-Mart and heading for the checkout. I got behind a man who looked to be in his 80’s and he was leaning heavily on his shopping cart and moving very slow. I wanted to change lanes and go around him but I had to wait for a young Latina and a girl that looked to be in her early teens to go by. As they passed the old man, he looked over and said something to them that I couldn’t hear. They moved on without paying much attention to him. When we were passing him, he looked over at me and said, “if they can’t speak English, they should go back where they came from.” It shocked me for a second and then I stopped and told him he should stop being an a*****e. Then I repeated it louder to make it sink in. By that time the ladies were gone so I checked out and left. I can’t say that I’ve been perfect all my life but some of us eventually grow up and some never do.
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