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“She Brought It Upon Herself”: Man Considers Divorce After Wife’s Plastic Surgery
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“She Brought It Upon Herself”: Man Considers Divorce After Wife’s Plastic Surgery

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Marriages are full of ups and downs. The key is to communicate openly, support each other through the rough patches, and never lose sight of the love that brought you together in the first place.

However, Redditor Throwaway47292693 believes that the spark between him and his wife is gone. In a post on the subreddit r/AITAH, he admitted that he’s already thinking about divorce.

So he wanted to hear what the members of the online community thought about it because the thing that pushed him to the edge was quite unusual.

This man said that his wife got a breast reduction surgery without involving him

Image credit: Alex Green/Pexels (not the actual photo)

And he feels that their marriage will never be the same again

Image credit: Jack Sparrow/Pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credit: Liza Summer/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credit: Budgeron Bach/Pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credit: Alex Green/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Throwaway47292693

Usually, people get together with someone due to a combination of reasons

Of course, we cannot be certain why the author of the post chose to marry that particular woman. But Julie Beck at The Atlantic reported on a paper, published in Social Science Research, that could give us an idea.

Researchers followed 9,000 young people in middle and high school for 15 years, ending the study when the participants were between 24 and 34. What they discovered was that being a rock star on one trait doesn’t necessarily help you mate, but having a good combo might.

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“The only statistically significant interaction was that men with an above average attractive personality were more likely to get married,” Beck explained. “Taking each of the factors individually, no other significant trends emerged.”

“But … three factors in aggregate [looks, personality, and grooming] were linked to [the] likelihood of marriage. Someone who scored more highly on the index overall was more likely to walk down the aisle.”

So the parts where the author of the post confesses that he has a type but the fact that his wife makes the cut isn’t the only reason why he married her might have some truth to them. But again, how much? We don’t know.

Sadly, when it comes to divorce, a lack of intimacy (31%) is a common element.

As people criticized the man, he started replying to their comments

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Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

Shelly Fourer

Shelly Fourer

Author, BoredPanda staff

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Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. When I'm not working, you'll often find me immersed in creativity, whether it's creating animations, 3D and traditional art, writing, or making music.I've been drawing since I was little, and my passion for visual storytelling really took off after I finished a 2-year Film Academy. It ignited my existing spark for bringing stories to life through visuals. Since then, I've been diving deeper into art and tech, always exploring new ways to tell compelling stories.

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Shelly Fourer

Shelly Fourer

Author, BoredPanda staff

Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. When I'm not working, you'll often find me immersed in creativity, whether it's creating animations, 3D and traditional art, writing, or making music.I've been drawing since I was little, and my passion for visual storytelling really took off after I finished a 2-year Film Academy. It ignited my existing spark for bringing stories to life through visuals. Since then, I've been diving deeper into art and tech, always exploring new ways to tell compelling stories.

Hey pandas, what do you think?
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lorih47 avatar
Lori w
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He insults everyone who disagrees with him. If he knows everything, why is he posting this on the internet? He lies to his wife regularly, he is a piece of s h I t. Hope she gets more than half in the divorce

tobb-1 avatar
WindySwede
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My though was, put 5 kg on his chest for a month as see how he likes that.. 🤦‍♂️

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sparklystuffbyrae avatar
Lyoness
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the kind of post where OP wrote assuming they'd get approval of their ridiculous behaviour and it backfired on them, big time. Reading their replies to the comments they're definitely on defense now because they know they FU'd, big time. She should be removing the extra tissue in other parts of her life (him) too.

tobb-1 avatar
WindySwede
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw the red flag at "I have a type" 😬 Try putting 5 kilos on his chest for a month to se how he likes it in return? The wife prob also have a "type" after this... 😏

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libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He keeps discounting opinions and insulting people. He is all about himself, the things he is calling people idiots for show who he really is. He is just trying to couch his shallowness in pretty language, when that fails, he attacks. Frankly, what if she had breast cancer or was scarred in an accident, lost a limb, had 3rd degree burns over her body? He makes the claim if it was for back pain he would understand but cos it was because of psychological discomfort she is in the wrong and it's her fault he feels as he does. Makes no sense, physical v psychological are the same, people want cures for either if they can get them. Basically, he is a douche canoe and she is better off without him.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Hes discounting opinion because nearly all of them are ignoring him.bending overbackwards to get used to her sudden changes. I agree psychological discomfort is still a valid reason and he needs to see that; but the fact is the same. She's shooting down every single attempt he's made to ease himself into her severe physical change. He does not blame her for his discomfort, but for putting him into a no win scenario. She changed her body knowing he'd have differebt feelings afterwards. She forced the truth out of that he trued to hide to save ger feelings. Shes not letting him take his own time to get used to her sudden change in body, and is getting angry at him for it.

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rhodaguirreparras avatar
Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he divorces her over this, she's also getting a reduction on the assholery in her life. Win win.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

She'll be getting more divorces in the future to. "You cant have opinions i don't like. You cant have time to ease yourself into opinions i dont like. I'm going to chsnge the opinions i like knowing its going to make you uncomfortable and cause all of the above." No realationship is gonna survive that.

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clairebailey avatar
Bored something
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think he gets why she felt the need to have the reduction done. He doesn't understand how damaging comments can be, he doesn't understand that they feel wrong to her, both of which in turn can make her body feel not her own. He is not supporting her although he said he would. He is not wrong by saying he doesn't feel attracted to her if that's the way he feels. To me he doesn't genuinely come across as wanting to fix it he comes across as wanting to be right. No B cup woman looks like a child unless you try to picture her that way, there is more to looking like a woman than b00bs. If he's not attracted to her any more just own it without continually saying how awful she looks and how revolted he is by some relatively new scars which will fade a lot over the next few years. Don't dump it all on her for doing what she needs to be comfortable in her own body.

libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. Whether you have a procedure to fix a physical pain like back pain or a psychological pain you are still having it for reasons that affect your health mental or physical. He can't understand that because he is shallow.

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gfbarros avatar
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His angry, abusive tirades against the YTAs he asked for (theres even more in the thread) reveals the truth. Hes not mad that his wife now has a "childlike" body (barf), hes mad that she did something for herself that he didnt like and overrode him. Hes just a mean little despot.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

His tirared sounds like he wants people to ACTUALLY READ WHAT HE WROTE

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mesmits avatar
Annabelle
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the problems started way before the surgery. She felt insecure and sexualised but he brushed it of. The feeling stayed but she felt she couldn’t speak to him about it. Then she goes to the doctors appointment by herself. This isn’t just about attraction. It’s also about feeling safe and facing problems together. I believe him when he says there is attraction beyond her looks, but a relationship needs so much more to make it work. It’s not a one night stand. The outcome might even have been different if he had listened to her.

dracoaffectus avatar
Rahul Pawa
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly, they're both afraid to communicate with each other. They can't have an intimate relationship if they're not willing to talk to each other honestly and give each other a safe space to share their feelings. These people need therapy.

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clairebrolin avatar
Claire Bear
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This thing is the worst garbage I've ever read. The guy is awful

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FluffyDreg - I've read all of your comments and you are an asshat! She didn't immediately jump in and expect him to be okay with the changes. She had to adjust herself. He claims that a B cup is so small it makes her look like a child. I don't know any child with a B cup. This is an average size for women. Maybe if more men didn't act so badly and make her feel self-conscious, she wouldn't have felt the need to make the changes. He ACTS like she has the right to choose, but once she does, he doesn't provide the support he claimed he would.

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mikefitzpatrick avatar
Mike F
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This reads like it was written by two different people and both of them were fu¢king idiots. He'll come back with his tail between his legs and hopefully she'll have come to terms with everything going on in her life, then she can offer him a blowup doll with the largest jugs available, just so it has no seams to give him "the ick". What a jerk off.

zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Blowup dolls have seamslines, he'll probably be uncomfortable with those too because it's basically plastic scars

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nonawolf avatar
Nona Wolf
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, my friends... take it from an old geezer: Over time, looks will fade, attraction will dim, and the "spark" will fizzle. What are you left with when that happens? You have a best friend - a true companion - a trustworthy confidant - an unshakable ally. That person is more valuable than gold. Hang on. Never let go.

tabbygirl04152020 avatar
Tabitha
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn’t get married until I was 39, so I dated a lot of different kinds of men. The first man I ever truly loved was not good looking, if I’m being honest. But to me, he was irresistibly attractive. Because he was kind, gentle, funny, classy, intelligent, self-confident, and he loved me too, and thought the sun rose and set in me. Now, I also had dated GQ gorgeous men, and though some of them were perfectly nice, I found that most people who are “blessed” with good looks often tend to skate by on that alone, and don’t pay enough attention to their intrinsic qualities. So, early in my dating life, I stopped relying solely on physical attraction as a reason to want to date someone. It might be the initial spark, but if that’s all they had, that spark died quickly. My husband is a nice looking man, but now that we’re both in our sixties, gravity is starting to win. If our relationship was based only on appearance, we would’ve divorce by now. But it’s not just based on our looks. We love each other, inside and out. THAT is the part that lasts. Because we all age, no matter how hard we try to fight it. We will get wrinkles, we will sag, we won’t be able to keep that flat belly and round butt—-those two things will basically swap places, and you’ll end up with a round belly and flat butt. It happens to everyone who lives long enough, even those who desperately seek cosmetic surgery to try to stay young forever. It eventually stops working, and you just have to give in. So, if your relationship is based on nothing but looks, it won’t last. It can’t last. So you have to be emotionally mature enough to realize that, and to love more than just the superficial about your SO, because the superficial is fleeting, believe me.

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anna_meyers_1 avatar
Knitting Panda
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He keeps going on about how awful the scars are. They shouldn't be. If they are the surgeon did something wrong.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He found his own scars to be just as awful. Something about scars make him uncomfortable even if they arent botched

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dkjzone avatar
Kai
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That man doesn't deserve any action...my spouse has scars, but I am just thankful he is well and we can still celebrate life together

artcat742 avatar
DragonflyGreen
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude just can't STFU. He is so set in his selfish "what about me" narcissistic attitude that he blasts against any viewpoint that differs from his own. I hope she leaves him.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

No he's blasting people clearly not reading the whole thing. The person calling him an a*****e about how he's approaching it ahd offering him an idea abkut how better to approach her? "Thank you ill try that!" Reading really helps.

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jacquihowe avatar
Spencer's slave no longer
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm curious to know a couple of things if : 1. His wife tested positive for any of the breast cancer genes, would he feel like she had a mastectomy, for her own well-being, over his preference for "big boobs", would he still be considering divorce because "scars upset me". 2. God forbid his wife tested positive for breast cancer and chose a mastectomy for, again, her own well-being, would her "lack of breast tissue" upset him to the point of divorce because "scars". This "man" is shallow beyond belief. Her body is her body. More disturbing is his "child like" breast size issue, that's beyond wrong.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I mean if she still expected him to turn off the part of his brain that goes "scars bad" like a light swutch with no adjustment period or compromise... probably. Expecting someone to SUDDENLY not have an issue with a physical feature that causes them a negative emotional reaction because you undertook the procedure resulting in it is a problem on YOU

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michaelchock avatar
michael Chock
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get how scars and a change can mess with you, how it would take time to adjust, but there is a healthy way to address that with someone who just got a surgery to help with a negative self image.

jerrytaylor19555 avatar
Jenny T
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You sound so understanding and guess they both needs to come in the middle and address things asap

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aswathimahesh89 avatar
Anxiousguest
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand him. Even though not an AH, I feel he is just a very immature person, who will unfortunately regret his many decisions later in life, when nothing can be done. Afterall actions have consequences

soniahowse avatar
Duvet Woman
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. This is quite shocking. She's a B cup and in the comments he says she looks like a child. He was happy for her to feel uncomfortable about strangers staring at her in order for him to be happy. What would have happened when she got older and they got saggier? What would have happened ( could happen) if she had an accident and ended up with scars. I find it a bit creepy that the only part of her he found sexually attractive was her chest area. Weirdo.

ceecu1985 avatar
CatWoman1014
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is so shallow it’s unbelievable. My thoughts went exactly to what if she had breast cancer and had to get a double mastectomy? Would he wince and heave at the sight of her scars and lack of breasts then? I think we all know the answer and so does he, but he’ll deliver a BS response as it’s clear he is one of those type of people who don’t want to hear anyone’s advice unless it’s agrees wirh him or panders to his ego. He sounds like the kind of man who would leave his wife when she’s older for a much younger woman and then give a bs excuse about attraction being the reason. Honestly a divorce is for the best so she can find someone better, dude is complaining about small breasts make him think of children well he’s acting like a child through all this.

pollock-capetown avatar
Felidae
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had what is called a radical breast reduction, the medical term used is breast reconstruction. Not going into the reasons or logistics, but in all they removed 5.5kg (12 lbs) breast tissue. I knew the scarring would be hectic. My partner stood with me through it all and he knew how much the scarring would upset me and make me feel self-conscious. The surgery also meant I lost my beautiful butterfly tattoo on my breast. After the surgery my partner gave me an envelope with an all-paid for treatment by the best tattoo artist in our city and the words he said was, “This is for you to get your scars turned into badges of honor of your choice. So that every time you see your chest, you see the proof that you can and did overcome everything, and that you are beautiful”. My partner is awesome and every time I see myself in a mirror and see the vine and roses patterns on my body, I smile and feel great.

imamanimal avatar
kenbeattie avatar
Ken Beattie
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the worst part of it. Assuming what he says is true, then he still loves her and is willing to make some concessions to stay together. But she's unwilling to accept them. His point about getting a face tattoo is pretty solid. Sure you can change your body however much you like, but you can't expect other people to like what you've done. Now, is he an AH? Is she an AH? I think considering they had discussions about breast size early on and when she actually decided to have the surgery she tried to hide it from him that makes her at least mildly an AH. On the face of it, his reaction is pretty extreme so yeah he's an AH too. I'd go the ESH route on this one. They should have had a more serious talk before the surgery. They should also have had a more serious talk *after* the surgery. Should they break up? Maybe. If he can't get over the scars/size and she is unwilling to cover up then sounds like they're now fundamentally incompatible.

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beab_ avatar
Ample Aardvark
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a lady with huge boobs, it's absolutely not only the unwanted attention. Boobage gets in the way of everything! It gets very hot and sweaty even in mild heat. You need to buy tops/shirts etc a size bigger just to accommodate the chest or make adjustments. It hurts if you bend forwards for too long (not even like that, I was thinking gardening or cleaning!). Bras cost a fortune. Sport bras that offer proper support are rarer than unicorn's rainbow poop. It's understandable if the significant other PREFERS big boobs or any other body type, but to be a baby about it and the scars, instead of being happy the partner is more comfortable with their body is tremendous assholery. Indeed, do divorce, the hopefully soon-to-be ex-wife deserves a decent human being to be her husband

galaguibaguerrero avatar
Gala Guiba Guerrero
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Unpopular opinion,. Wife has every right to do as she pleases with her body. The opinion of others regarding her appearance pushed her to undergo an elective surgery. Her body, her choice. OP has also a right to his opinions and feelings; post op scarring can be gruesome, if he has a phobia it is unfair to expect him to “just get over it” (it is called trypophobia disease, if you are curious) . “Actions have consequences” seems to be a trigger here, but he is right: “every action has a reaction” wife knew how he felt about it, and exercised her freedom of choice, good for her! What is not fair is IMPOSING her decision and expect OP to agree and be as happy as she is. He is asking her for time to adjust and is not been given that. OP offered alternatives and turned down. If the man is not attracted (at the moment) we shouldn’t blame him for it. We’re super respectful of her rights, and abusing him when he’s exercising his. No wonder he is so defensive! I’m a 40D woman btw.

stacyjones avatar
Stacy Jones
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

[Sorry, this part was needlessly harsh.] I would draw OP's attention to the part where he pouts that she did this to "appease strangers," that she put "other people's" needs in front of his own: "other people" is her, "strangers" is your wife, sir. I hope she finds this post and brings it up in divorce court. Let him tell a judge to "have an adult read it to you."

joann-f avatar
Jo Firth
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since when is a B cup age inappropriate. Have been a B most of my life and no man has said they thought I looked too young... Dude needs to have a good hard look at himself.

keeley_3 avatar
KillerKiwi
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The worst part of this is that her now smaller tits remind him of a child. What the actual f**k

angelajester avatar
Angela Jester
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm in absolute disgusted disbelief. A B cup looks like a child? Having strangers stare at her and harass her and make her uncomfortable isn't a valid reason? Forcing a certain kind of sex on him? He absolutely feels entitled to define how her body looks. He absolutely is shallow and horrible. I hope he does leave and she's free to find someone who doesn't value her tits over her being. I hope she finds true love, and acceptance. I hope she gets counseling to help with the damage this relationship has done to her.

lunashau avatar
Ash
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like it's understandable that you are only turned on by what you're turned on by, and that this should have informed the wife's decision. But honestly, I had problems with this guy right from the beginning, when he goes, "You can't get a breast reduction if the only reason is aesthetics. That's stupid. Also all I care about sexually is aesthetics and you need to respect that. MY opinion of aesthetics matters and YOURS doesn't." This pair needs some serious couples therapy, and the therapist needs to have a talk with OP about misogyny. THEN maybe they can start untangling this.

byzantiume2 avatar
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kind of cosmetic surgeon leaves scars? Generally a breast reduction surgery leaves breasts more symmetrical/classicly beautiful (think statues), so I'm calling BS or you should go after the surgeon for malpractice.

nhaundar avatar
Any
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every surgery leaves scars. You can be good as a surgeon, so the scars are thin or small. But there are always scars. You get you body opened. There is no way to not leave scars.....

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jbsavestheworld avatar
Jenny Barnes
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A good friend of mine at the age of 12 developed large breasts and they only got bigger as she got older. At that time, they didn’t hurt, they were just very large.The looks she would get from grown men, lewd “jokes,” women would accuse her of flaunting them to catch their men. It was horrible. This guy has no clue what his wife was going through.

missal_warrior_0c avatar
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So I’m gonna just skip past all the obvious ick and just address the bra size thing. AFAB here with a large A/small B cup. They are very clearly boobs. They’re small, yeah, but they’re obvious in a baggy T-shirt, and they’re big enough for dysphoria, so…

swastimukti avatar
Cooking Panda
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor lady. I can understand her being self conscious & not wanting extra attention due to her body shape. I imagine men would stare at & harass her. I hope she gets out of this relationship & find someone better

kubikiri-houcho avatar
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What if she had surgery scars from something else, thick burn scars etc? It's a shame she was so self conscious about her chest. But he's definitely ta

marybricklin avatar
Mary Bricklin
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd suggest counseling but OP seems to be so far up his own butt, I don't think it would help.

suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP: "Attraction is so important to me I love big boobs it's the foundation of my attraction for someone". Also OP: "Getting a reduction just for the aesthetics is stupid." Like how do you now see the hypocrisy?

weatherwitch101 avatar
weatherwitch
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find his comments about a small chest reminding him of a child to be utterly disgusting too. You can unfortunately be quite well endowed as a 'child'. I bet he prefers shaved women as he has a type which is clearly huge knockers too, but won't find a bald pundenda off putting. He sounds like a Really nasty piece of work. Claims the wife is forcing him into sexual positions when that's what he is doing so he doesn't have to look at the mantlepiece when he's poking the fire. Trying to get her to cover up! Not understanding that a life time of huge boobs isn't just glances it's stares, comments, gropes and Assumptions too! I hope now she's reduced two breasts that she's going to lose that third tit by divorcing him...

alyssaphillips avatar
Alyssa Phillips
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unpopular, but I would have voted NAH. While he admits he isn't able to have sex with her, he also says he has tried other ways to let her know he still loves her. At this point (at least from his side) it seems like she won't even cuddle because he doesn't want sex. If a woman was posting that she didn't want to have sex and her husband was withholding all physical affection I think there would be a different response. Otoh, I have large breasts and it absolutely is a hindrance and she should be able to make herself comfortable (although going into massive debt for it is a problem for me). Idk. I just think it sucks for everyone there.

emilystevens_2 avatar
𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐦-𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No.... she won't even cuddle because when they DID have sex, he kept turning her around so he wouldn't have to look at her. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be having sex OR cuddling anyone who made it clear they can't stand the sight of me. Why would anyone want to cuddle up to someone who has such clear and obvious disgust for them/their body?

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caroleg_ avatar
Carole G.
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey Shallow Hal...I say kudos to her. She was uncomfortable all the time. Receiving unwanted attention is horrible for a woman. In years to come her back would be hurting as well, did you consider that? So PLEASE move on little boy, you're not man enough to be married...

juliestevens avatar
Giraffy Window
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because they don't cause her pain now doesn't mean she wouldn't have had any pain later. Boobs are great, but your own boobs suck when you get older and you're someone who's up there in the cups.

sarah_a_tate avatar
Upstaged75
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly he's doing her a favor by divorcing her. What an immature douchebag. He's never going to learn either based on his responses. She should be with someone who actually likes her and doesn't just see her as a pair of boobs.

dw_7 avatar
D W
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems a lot of people haven't actually read everything and are judging based on the headlines. The fact she wouldn't discuss it openly with him before she made the appointment shows a lack of trust, so the marriage was probably doomed. When you're a couple, the old 'my body, my decision' rhetoric doesn't wash. Couples are in it together. Of course it's her decision but she gave him no time to think about it, what it might mean for them and then just expected him to be fine from the off, didn't give any time beforehand or afterwards to get used to the idea, especially since it was elective surgery and not health related. she had clearly been thinking of this for years after the initial discussion and didn't bring him along with her thinking or feeling, just dropped a bombshell and then exploded when he didn't react the way she wanted. I'm not surprised he handled it poorly, he was given no time to think about it while she gave herself years to think about from her own perspective and clearly never considered his perspective.

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

D W - Sorry, but she DID try and talk to him about it a couple of times and he shot her down. He told her that her feelings didn't matter and she shouldn't get the surgery. Who is he to decide what she should do with her body? If he was a woman and had to deal with the crappy way men were dealing with her, I bet he'd be thinking way differently. I understand not feeling attracted to her anymore (even though it's very shallow of him), but he should have been honest with her, so she could deal with it and move on.

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verschuurerita avatar
Ge Po
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

to me, she is in the wrong AS WELL. Yes, he should have approached this differently, but she also. She should have given him time to adjust and not demand that he perform as always, even though things have changed. He is in the wrong, because bodies do change and he should want to learn to cope with that. There's sickness and aging and there's accidents that scar. (Yes, and there are fully grown women who look stunningly sexy, who have cupsize A. If he can't cope with that, he should check himself and try to find out why it 'does not do' for him. Is it all only for his pleasure?

mathildesnijders avatar
Sage(formerly Impasta)
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, so please dont downvote me for this. I'm very YTA. The only thing I'm confused about is that he said things might change and his wife was still upset when they did? Obviously he is shallow and the way he acted as if he is "punishing" her is not ok. But what you can't do is force attraction. I do not think it is completely fair that the wife would still expect that even if he warned her. Maybe he just needs some time to adjust. (I am not defending OP's actions, just sharing my thoughts. He is still very much TA.)

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All OP wants is time to adjust. As stated. He's not being given that abd is called shsllow.

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skitenoir avatar
millac
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They should divorce. Her sneakily arranging this surgery they could not afford is a major breach of trust (especially since it seems she purposefully waited until after he was 'locked in' with marriage to go through with it), her putting him in a position where he has to lie to her is terrible, and trying to force the sex stuff is really bad. He hasn't been the most honest and upfront when he should be, but I understand why he would never in a million years want to say "do that and I'll find you hideous" or "you look like a kid and it's gross to have sex with you". The social and relationship consequences of those things leaving your mouth are not things you can recover from. So, they need to break up immediately, and the entire time he needs to stick with it being because she is overly concerned with the opinions of others and put them into massive medical debt for a cosmetic procedure.

c_o_shea avatar
C.O. Shea
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a major breast reduction out of medical necessity... and I could barely look at my own scars for years. I'm sorry your experience has been challenging. Ultimately, you must be comfortable... if there's no way to compromise... suck it up and move on.

shannon_592 avatar
Shannon bell
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read the entire post thoroughly and you are chauvinistic. You seriously want to divorce your wife because she got a boob reduction and you’re trying to make excuses for it rather than admit the truth which is that you’re shallow. You asked for our advice and hear it is. Divorce her, she deserves better. If you truly love someone it shouldn’t matter how big her boobs are. Of course attraction does play a part in love but what you’re saying to everyone is that you based your entire marriage on her boobs. She’s already wasted six years of her life on a man who doesn’t really love her. Let her find someone who loves her for her and not her boobs before you waste another six years of her life and before kids get involved. P.S you’re a twat!

jasmynjay avatar
Jasmyn JAY
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I don't think he's an ahole🤷🏾‍♀️ downvote me idk but my ex cut his beard and I just felt like why tf would you do that (he's not my ex for that reason. Also it grew back) but I mean people can like what they like. He isn't controlling (obviously) what she does with her body. If the roles were to be reversed all the yta would be nta. Get a grip.

hermom504 avatar
WonderWoman
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is superficial and arrogant. He is looking for justification for being a giant AH. I hope they divorce, his wife deserves so much more.

lampreyshack avatar
StretcherBearer
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He has a right to be a d**k, but I hope his wife leaves him. My ex had DDD size and she was on the short side. She had to deal with gross men and back pain. She contemplated breast reduction because she literal grooves in her shoulders from the weight on her bra straps. There's gonna be long term damage. It's a quality of life issue and that trumps my preferences.

samijoross239 avatar
Sami-Jo Ross
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw a couple update posts and while I didn't read through them, TL;DR they divorced and wife realized she screwed up, I think there were complications or something and now she wants him back.

tyranamar avatar
Tyranamar Seuss
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce would really be a kind thing to do here. She obviously didn't feel safe enough with him to really discuss why she wanted this operation and how she was for sure going to do it. And he doesn't know how to talk to her about what he needs to adjust. He should go get a nice thick woman. And she should go get a kind accepting man.

karenhann avatar
Insomniac
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When one member of a couple undergoes major physical change, it frequently strains the relationship. This guy obviously didn't understand WHY she did it. And if he's into thick women, I can see how B-cup looks childlike to him. He's probably never been with a woman smaller than a DDD. So I understand why it's uncomfortable for him. They should have communicated better before the surgery and gotten some counselling to manage this. There's no coming back. The marriage is over.

russaird avatar
Stinky
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG the OP is a complete AH and I agree with Lori w - disagree and he goes off like a 3 year old...what a worthless piece of c**p.....she's better off without him.....

st-simon12 avatar
Sim
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh please with all the dumping on OP. She probably does look gross now and she hacked off her boobs without giving AF about what he may have to say. He should get divorced. The marriage is over. She’ll find some dude who loves hacked boobs with scars. It’s not like she had health issues. Just f* cked up in her head.

perstephone29 avatar
Persephone
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dear lord.... you need therapy. She deserves better. She is not property, and has every right to feel comfortable in her own body. God forbid you have some sort of emergency surgery ever, and your partner wants to vomit at the sight of your scar, rather than be supportive! 🙄😠 Dude, you are disgusting and a narcissistic crybaby.

lorireese avatar
Wheeskers
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find it intriguing that everyone is against the man. Everyone thought he was an ah and she was perfect. He's allowed to have his own feelings about this. She's not who he married, and she's punishing him for HIS feelings. He wants to still be with his wife, allowing him to come to terms with the scars and the smaller boobs. And, the cost! He is the husband and all big purchases should be talked through before hand when there are plans for the future. She decided alone to under go the surgery and he's just supposed to say okay! She, to me, has not been a good partner.

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weeskers - And he HAS been a good partner? He definitely has a right to his own feelings, but so does she. He's not who she married either. Your statement that "he's the husband" means what? That because he's her husband he gets to decide for her? Yes, big purchases should be talked about, but it seems like she's not looking for him to pay for the surgery, but is paying for it herself. She tried to discuss this with him beforehand, but he dismissed her feelings as if they didn't matter. He has no right to decide how she should feel.

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Sweet Fanny Adams
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I vote Not the asphole. People like what they like. Can't force someone to like something when they don't. That'll push them to like it even less. Resentment in a relationship. Life is not simple. Everyone is different. But I do think if the writer worded it a bit better or different, they wouldn't recieve such negative feedback from the respondents.

lisamai-wood avatar
Lee
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow if this is real this guy is a massive piece of s**t. She should be the one filing for divorce. I feel bad for her and I hope he dies alone

jerrytaylor19555 avatar
Jenny T
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guess feelings most be put in to consideration and thoughts/options share before taken action in a relationship and much more than in marriage.

mralt avatar
MR
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Meh, I think a lot of people are making assumptions here. The biggest issue was him flat out lying to her rather than having an adult conversations with her. Pretending like attraction doesn't matter and that you should be able to automatically handle a drastic change in appearance without batting an eyelash is pretty ridiculous. Yes, there is a level of shallowness built into that, but we all suffer from that in some capacity about different things. He's not handling this well. Period. But I don't think his reaction makes him an AH. Only the lying and not being honest with his partner does. Everything else is just reactionary nonsense from people who believe others should be able to shut off whatever part of our brains impacts physical attraction just because we love someone. The key difference between a friend and significant other is a physical attraction. Accept that even if you can't understand it yourself.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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Its hilarious bevause that first big issue you mention? People who didn't read it are blasting him for NOT doing that. "You shouldn't have said you werent attracted and adapted in silence." People dont like to read. Siiiigh

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nitka711 avatar
Nitka Tsar
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

…. Lets see if I will get downvoted or not. I am a woman by the way. And keep in mind people who say one can choose being gay or straight! You can‘t force attraction, right? So, my comment is: you can‘t force attraction! He sounds reasonable and mature. You have to read the whole story.

sparklystuffbyrae avatar
Lyoness
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reasonable and mature in that they're clear on what they find attractive, yes. Not so much in reactions. In the initial post he said he'd support her decision, then in a response to a comment he accused her of lying and sneaking around his back to have the procedure. I just want to say "Dude, your wife told you what she was going to do. You said you were behind her. Now you're being judgemental AF. Pick a side."

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marigenbeltran_2 avatar
Windtree
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imho, ESH. OP because of ...just read the above again and the wife because she spent a large amount of money that affected their economy without discussing things with OP. I don't think they should divorce but they need marriage counseling and maybe time to get used to things.

sunnyday0801 avatar
Sunny Day
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is calling him TA, but I have to compare it to all the posts about "my husband gained 150 pounds and I'm not attracted to him anymore, but he refuses to diet" - where wife is told to run for the hills.

saamaas avatar
WoodenLion
Community Member
1 week ago

This comment has been deleted.

gabrielealfredopini avatar
Gabriele Alfredo Pini
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think we miss a lot of details... Why she feel the need to hide the details of the surgery? He was abusive or she really discounted his advice/opinion? For me this is the crux of the question: in a relationship we are together against the world, not one against the other to gain something. The other thing is the insistence on the sex: if a man put on two piercings on the nipples and the woman refuse sex because the thought of a metal piece under the skin make her uncomfortable, he could insist?

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gabriele Alfredo Pini - She felt the need to hide the details because when she tried to discuss it with him, he shot her down. It's her body and she has the right to make decisions on how to deal with it. He seemed to feel that he had a right to make decisions for her, which he didn't.

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st-simon12 avatar
Sim
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She hacked her titties off, was told of the consequences, and now she expects her husband to get excited about her hack job? Yeah, divorcing her is the best solution. Who knows what else she’ll do to herself with no regards of her husband is turned off? Some women are really dumb thinking they can do whatever they want to themselves and their men should 100% accept them even if they’re gross.

shazzamaar avatar
sdotvisionary
Community Member
1 week ago

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Everyone is calling this man shallow, but it's shallowness of his wife that brought them to this. You do not know how your mind is going to respond to human flesh compromised by incisions and sutures. His wife exposed him to this visual which his mind was not comfortable with. Both people should be evolved enough to have the conversation of his comfortability in seeing the scars. She should be able to cover up until she is fully healed, until he is ready to accept the new normalcy. However, this man may be shallow because he never graduated from breastology 101.

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

sdotvisionary - WTF? I'm not sure where you get your information from, but you are definitely an asshat! You don't get to speak for all men, nor do you get to tell women what to do or how to feel. I'm going to assume (and yes I know what that means) that you're single. I just can't imagine any woman putting up with your c**p!

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fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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Oh man we've got a case where the majoroty of people here didnt read the whole thing. And are downvoted everyone saying to go re read it again and providing the information they missed. I wish it wasnt so common.

marco_mattanza avatar
marco_mattanza
Community Member
1 week ago

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NTA. It's not his fault that he's not attracted to her anymore. For sure she's allowed to do with her body whatever she wants, but she must accept the consequences. If she decides to have tatoos in her face or 20 piercings, okay, but noone can force him to like it. Or if she decides to become a man and have a penis, noone can force him to become gay.

zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understood your point until the last argument, who the hell randomly grows a wiener? That's not how trans people work if that's what you think ...

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mehmetkse avatar
Mustafa Kiziroğlu
Community Member
1 week ago

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So, we suppose to figure out it's boobs from the word reduction. Last time it was a specific 1973 court rule from the word decision. Americans are the weirdest.

puffers-lode-0a avatar
Why are Bored Panda editors so fucking retarded?
1 week ago

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FOR F***S SAKE BORED PANDA EDITORS / PUBLISHERS, GET A F*****G CLUE AND STOP INCLUDING “(NOT THE ACTUAL PHOTO)” UNDER THE IMAGES THAT ACCOMPANY YOUR F*****G PATHETIC “ARTICLES”/LISTICLES. THIS IS NOT HOW IMAGES ARE CREDITED - IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, GO AND LOOK AT ANY OTHER WEBSITE. EVEN IF THIS IGNORANCE WAS EXCUSABLE (WHICH IT IS NOT), THIS PHRASE MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO F*****G SENSE.

libstak avatar
lorih47 avatar
Lori w
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He insults everyone who disagrees with him. If he knows everything, why is he posting this on the internet? He lies to his wife regularly, he is a piece of s h I t. Hope she gets more than half in the divorce

tobb-1 avatar
WindySwede
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My though was, put 5 kg on his chest for a month as see how he likes that.. 🤦‍♂️

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sparklystuffbyrae avatar
Lyoness
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the kind of post where OP wrote assuming they'd get approval of their ridiculous behaviour and it backfired on them, big time. Reading their replies to the comments they're definitely on defense now because they know they FU'd, big time. She should be removing the extra tissue in other parts of her life (him) too.

tobb-1 avatar
WindySwede
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw the red flag at "I have a type" 😬 Try putting 5 kilos on his chest for a month to se how he likes it in return? The wife prob also have a "type" after this... 😏

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libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He keeps discounting opinions and insulting people. He is all about himself, the things he is calling people idiots for show who he really is. He is just trying to couch his shallowness in pretty language, when that fails, he attacks. Frankly, what if she had breast cancer or was scarred in an accident, lost a limb, had 3rd degree burns over her body? He makes the claim if it was for back pain he would understand but cos it was because of psychological discomfort she is in the wrong and it's her fault he feels as he does. Makes no sense, physical v psychological are the same, people want cures for either if they can get them. Basically, he is a douche canoe and she is better off without him.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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Hes discounting opinion because nearly all of them are ignoring him.bending overbackwards to get used to her sudden changes. I agree psychological discomfort is still a valid reason and he needs to see that; but the fact is the same. She's shooting down every single attempt he's made to ease himself into her severe physical change. He does not blame her for his discomfort, but for putting him into a no win scenario. She changed her body knowing he'd have differebt feelings afterwards. She forced the truth out of that he trued to hide to save ger feelings. Shes not letting him take his own time to get used to her sudden change in body, and is getting angry at him for it.

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rhodaguirreparras avatar
Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he divorces her over this, she's also getting a reduction on the assholery in her life. Win win.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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She'll be getting more divorces in the future to. "You cant have opinions i don't like. You cant have time to ease yourself into opinions i dont like. I'm going to chsnge the opinions i like knowing its going to make you uncomfortable and cause all of the above." No realationship is gonna survive that.

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clairebailey avatar
Bored something
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think he gets why she felt the need to have the reduction done. He doesn't understand how damaging comments can be, he doesn't understand that they feel wrong to her, both of which in turn can make her body feel not her own. He is not supporting her although he said he would. He is not wrong by saying he doesn't feel attracted to her if that's the way he feels. To me he doesn't genuinely come across as wanting to fix it he comes across as wanting to be right. No B cup woman looks like a child unless you try to picture her that way, there is more to looking like a woman than b00bs. If he's not attracted to her any more just own it without continually saying how awful she looks and how revolted he is by some relatively new scars which will fade a lot over the next few years. Don't dump it all on her for doing what she needs to be comfortable in her own body.

libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. Whether you have a procedure to fix a physical pain like back pain or a psychological pain you are still having it for reasons that affect your health mental or physical. He can't understand that because he is shallow.

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gfbarros avatar
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His angry, abusive tirades against the YTAs he asked for (theres even more in the thread) reveals the truth. Hes not mad that his wife now has a "childlike" body (barf), hes mad that she did something for herself that he didnt like and overrode him. Hes just a mean little despot.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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His tirared sounds like he wants people to ACTUALLY READ WHAT HE WROTE

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mesmits avatar
Annabelle
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the problems started way before the surgery. She felt insecure and sexualised but he brushed it of. The feeling stayed but she felt she couldn’t speak to him about it. Then she goes to the doctors appointment by herself. This isn’t just about attraction. It’s also about feeling safe and facing problems together. I believe him when he says there is attraction beyond her looks, but a relationship needs so much more to make it work. It’s not a one night stand. The outcome might even have been different if he had listened to her.

dracoaffectus avatar
Rahul Pawa
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly, they're both afraid to communicate with each other. They can't have an intimate relationship if they're not willing to talk to each other honestly and give each other a safe space to share their feelings. These people need therapy.

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clairebrolin avatar
Claire Bear
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This thing is the worst garbage I've ever read. The guy is awful

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FluffyDreg - I've read all of your comments and you are an asshat! She didn't immediately jump in and expect him to be okay with the changes. She had to adjust herself. He claims that a B cup is so small it makes her look like a child. I don't know any child with a B cup. This is an average size for women. Maybe if more men didn't act so badly and make her feel self-conscious, she wouldn't have felt the need to make the changes. He ACTS like she has the right to choose, but once she does, he doesn't provide the support he claimed he would.

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mikefitzpatrick avatar
Mike F
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This reads like it was written by two different people and both of them were fu¢king idiots. He'll come back with his tail between his legs and hopefully she'll have come to terms with everything going on in her life, then she can offer him a blowup doll with the largest jugs available, just so it has no seams to give him "the ick". What a jerk off.

zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Blowup dolls have seamslines, he'll probably be uncomfortable with those too because it's basically plastic scars

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nonawolf avatar
Nona Wolf
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, my friends... take it from an old geezer: Over time, looks will fade, attraction will dim, and the "spark" will fizzle. What are you left with when that happens? You have a best friend - a true companion - a trustworthy confidant - an unshakable ally. That person is more valuable than gold. Hang on. Never let go.

tabbygirl04152020 avatar
Tabitha
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn’t get married until I was 39, so I dated a lot of different kinds of men. The first man I ever truly loved was not good looking, if I’m being honest. But to me, he was irresistibly attractive. Because he was kind, gentle, funny, classy, intelligent, self-confident, and he loved me too, and thought the sun rose and set in me. Now, I also had dated GQ gorgeous men, and though some of them were perfectly nice, I found that most people who are “blessed” with good looks often tend to skate by on that alone, and don’t pay enough attention to their intrinsic qualities. So, early in my dating life, I stopped relying solely on physical attraction as a reason to want to date someone. It might be the initial spark, but if that’s all they had, that spark died quickly. My husband is a nice looking man, but now that we’re both in our sixties, gravity is starting to win. If our relationship was based only on appearance, we would’ve divorce by now. But it’s not just based on our looks. We love each other, inside and out. THAT is the part that lasts. Because we all age, no matter how hard we try to fight it. We will get wrinkles, we will sag, we won’t be able to keep that flat belly and round butt—-those two things will basically swap places, and you’ll end up with a round belly and flat butt. It happens to everyone who lives long enough, even those who desperately seek cosmetic surgery to try to stay young forever. It eventually stops working, and you just have to give in. So, if your relationship is based on nothing but looks, it won’t last. It can’t last. So you have to be emotionally mature enough to realize that, and to love more than just the superficial about your SO, because the superficial is fleeting, believe me.

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anna_meyers_1 avatar
Knitting Panda
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He keeps going on about how awful the scars are. They shouldn't be. If they are the surgeon did something wrong.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He found his own scars to be just as awful. Something about scars make him uncomfortable even if they arent botched

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Kai
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That man doesn't deserve any action...my spouse has scars, but I am just thankful he is well and we can still celebrate life together

artcat742 avatar
DragonflyGreen
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude just can't STFU. He is so set in his selfish "what about me" narcissistic attitude that he blasts against any viewpoint that differs from his own. I hope she leaves him.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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No he's blasting people clearly not reading the whole thing. The person calling him an a*****e about how he's approaching it ahd offering him an idea abkut how better to approach her? "Thank you ill try that!" Reading really helps.

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Spencer's slave no longer
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm curious to know a couple of things if : 1. His wife tested positive for any of the breast cancer genes, would he feel like she had a mastectomy, for her own well-being, over his preference for "big boobs", would he still be considering divorce because "scars upset me". 2. God forbid his wife tested positive for breast cancer and chose a mastectomy for, again, her own well-being, would her "lack of breast tissue" upset him to the point of divorce because "scars". This "man" is shallow beyond belief. Her body is her body. More disturbing is his "child like" breast size issue, that's beyond wrong.

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FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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I mean if she still expected him to turn off the part of his brain that goes "scars bad" like a light swutch with no adjustment period or compromise... probably. Expecting someone to SUDDENLY not have an issue with a physical feature that causes them a negative emotional reaction because you undertook the procedure resulting in it is a problem on YOU

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michael Chock
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get how scars and a change can mess with you, how it would take time to adjust, but there is a healthy way to address that with someone who just got a surgery to help with a negative self image.

jerrytaylor19555 avatar
Jenny T
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You sound so understanding and guess they both needs to come in the middle and address things asap

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Anxiousguest
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand him. Even though not an AH, I feel he is just a very immature person, who will unfortunately regret his many decisions later in life, when nothing can be done. Afterall actions have consequences

soniahowse avatar
Duvet Woman
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. This is quite shocking. She's a B cup and in the comments he says she looks like a child. He was happy for her to feel uncomfortable about strangers staring at her in order for him to be happy. What would have happened when she got older and they got saggier? What would have happened ( could happen) if she had an accident and ended up with scars. I find it a bit creepy that the only part of her he found sexually attractive was her chest area. Weirdo.

ceecu1985 avatar
CatWoman1014
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is so shallow it’s unbelievable. My thoughts went exactly to what if she had breast cancer and had to get a double mastectomy? Would he wince and heave at the sight of her scars and lack of breasts then? I think we all know the answer and so does he, but he’ll deliver a BS response as it’s clear he is one of those type of people who don’t want to hear anyone’s advice unless it’s agrees wirh him or panders to his ego. He sounds like the kind of man who would leave his wife when she’s older for a much younger woman and then give a bs excuse about attraction being the reason. Honestly a divorce is for the best so she can find someone better, dude is complaining about small breasts make him think of children well he’s acting like a child through all this.

pollock-capetown avatar
Felidae
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had what is called a radical breast reduction, the medical term used is breast reconstruction. Not going into the reasons or logistics, but in all they removed 5.5kg (12 lbs) breast tissue. I knew the scarring would be hectic. My partner stood with me through it all and he knew how much the scarring would upset me and make me feel self-conscious. The surgery also meant I lost my beautiful butterfly tattoo on my breast. After the surgery my partner gave me an envelope with an all-paid for treatment by the best tattoo artist in our city and the words he said was, “This is for you to get your scars turned into badges of honor of your choice. So that every time you see your chest, you see the proof that you can and did overcome everything, and that you are beautiful”. My partner is awesome and every time I see myself in a mirror and see the vine and roses patterns on my body, I smile and feel great.

imamanimal avatar
kenbeattie avatar
Ken Beattie
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the worst part of it. Assuming what he says is true, then he still loves her and is willing to make some concessions to stay together. But she's unwilling to accept them. His point about getting a face tattoo is pretty solid. Sure you can change your body however much you like, but you can't expect other people to like what you've done. Now, is he an AH? Is she an AH? I think considering they had discussions about breast size early on and when she actually decided to have the surgery she tried to hide it from him that makes her at least mildly an AH. On the face of it, his reaction is pretty extreme so yeah he's an AH too. I'd go the ESH route on this one. They should have had a more serious talk before the surgery. They should also have had a more serious talk *after* the surgery. Should they break up? Maybe. If he can't get over the scars/size and she is unwilling to cover up then sounds like they're now fundamentally incompatible.

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Ample Aardvark
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a lady with huge boobs, it's absolutely not only the unwanted attention. Boobage gets in the way of everything! It gets very hot and sweaty even in mild heat. You need to buy tops/shirts etc a size bigger just to accommodate the chest or make adjustments. It hurts if you bend forwards for too long (not even like that, I was thinking gardening or cleaning!). Bras cost a fortune. Sport bras that offer proper support are rarer than unicorn's rainbow poop. It's understandable if the significant other PREFERS big boobs or any other body type, but to be a baby about it and the scars, instead of being happy the partner is more comfortable with their body is tremendous assholery. Indeed, do divorce, the hopefully soon-to-be ex-wife deserves a decent human being to be her husband

galaguibaguerrero avatar
Gala Guiba Guerrero
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Unpopular opinion,. Wife has every right to do as she pleases with her body. The opinion of others regarding her appearance pushed her to undergo an elective surgery. Her body, her choice. OP has also a right to his opinions and feelings; post op scarring can be gruesome, if he has a phobia it is unfair to expect him to “just get over it” (it is called trypophobia disease, if you are curious) . “Actions have consequences” seems to be a trigger here, but he is right: “every action has a reaction” wife knew how he felt about it, and exercised her freedom of choice, good for her! What is not fair is IMPOSING her decision and expect OP to agree and be as happy as she is. He is asking her for time to adjust and is not been given that. OP offered alternatives and turned down. If the man is not attracted (at the moment) we shouldn’t blame him for it. We’re super respectful of her rights, and abusing him when he’s exercising his. No wonder he is so defensive! I’m a 40D woman btw.

stacyjones avatar
Stacy Jones
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

[Sorry, this part was needlessly harsh.] I would draw OP's attention to the part where he pouts that she did this to "appease strangers," that she put "other people's" needs in front of his own: "other people" is her, "strangers" is your wife, sir. I hope she finds this post and brings it up in divorce court. Let him tell a judge to "have an adult read it to you."

joann-f avatar
Jo Firth
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since when is a B cup age inappropriate. Have been a B most of my life and no man has said they thought I looked too young... Dude needs to have a good hard look at himself.

keeley_3 avatar
KillerKiwi
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The worst part of this is that her now smaller tits remind him of a child. What the actual f**k

angelajester avatar
Angela Jester
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm in absolute disgusted disbelief. A B cup looks like a child? Having strangers stare at her and harass her and make her uncomfortable isn't a valid reason? Forcing a certain kind of sex on him? He absolutely feels entitled to define how her body looks. He absolutely is shallow and horrible. I hope he does leave and she's free to find someone who doesn't value her tits over her being. I hope she finds true love, and acceptance. I hope she gets counseling to help with the damage this relationship has done to her.

lunashau avatar
Ash
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like it's understandable that you are only turned on by what you're turned on by, and that this should have informed the wife's decision. But honestly, I had problems with this guy right from the beginning, when he goes, "You can't get a breast reduction if the only reason is aesthetics. That's stupid. Also all I care about sexually is aesthetics and you need to respect that. MY opinion of aesthetics matters and YOURS doesn't." This pair needs some serious couples therapy, and the therapist needs to have a talk with OP about misogyny. THEN maybe they can start untangling this.

byzantiume2 avatar
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kind of cosmetic surgeon leaves scars? Generally a breast reduction surgery leaves breasts more symmetrical/classicly beautiful (think statues), so I'm calling BS or you should go after the surgeon for malpractice.

nhaundar avatar
Any
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every surgery leaves scars. You can be good as a surgeon, so the scars are thin or small. But there are always scars. You get you body opened. There is no way to not leave scars.....

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Jenny Barnes
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A good friend of mine at the age of 12 developed large breasts and they only got bigger as she got older. At that time, they didn’t hurt, they were just very large.The looks she would get from grown men, lewd “jokes,” women would accuse her of flaunting them to catch their men. It was horrible. This guy has no clue what his wife was going through.

missal_warrior_0c avatar
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So I’m gonna just skip past all the obvious ick and just address the bra size thing. AFAB here with a large A/small B cup. They are very clearly boobs. They’re small, yeah, but they’re obvious in a baggy T-shirt, and they’re big enough for dysphoria, so…

swastimukti avatar
Cooking Panda
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor lady. I can understand her being self conscious & not wanting extra attention due to her body shape. I imagine men would stare at & harass her. I hope she gets out of this relationship & find someone better

kubikiri-houcho avatar
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What if she had surgery scars from something else, thick burn scars etc? It's a shame she was so self conscious about her chest. But he's definitely ta

marybricklin avatar
Mary Bricklin
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd suggest counseling but OP seems to be so far up his own butt, I don't think it would help.

suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP: "Attraction is so important to me I love big boobs it's the foundation of my attraction for someone". Also OP: "Getting a reduction just for the aesthetics is stupid." Like how do you now see the hypocrisy?

weatherwitch101 avatar
weatherwitch
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find his comments about a small chest reminding him of a child to be utterly disgusting too. You can unfortunately be quite well endowed as a 'child'. I bet he prefers shaved women as he has a type which is clearly huge knockers too, but won't find a bald pundenda off putting. He sounds like a Really nasty piece of work. Claims the wife is forcing him into sexual positions when that's what he is doing so he doesn't have to look at the mantlepiece when he's poking the fire. Trying to get her to cover up! Not understanding that a life time of huge boobs isn't just glances it's stares, comments, gropes and Assumptions too! I hope now she's reduced two breasts that she's going to lose that third tit by divorcing him...

alyssaphillips avatar
Alyssa Phillips
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unpopular, but I would have voted NAH. While he admits he isn't able to have sex with her, he also says he has tried other ways to let her know he still loves her. At this point (at least from his side) it seems like she won't even cuddle because he doesn't want sex. If a woman was posting that she didn't want to have sex and her husband was withholding all physical affection I think there would be a different response. Otoh, I have large breasts and it absolutely is a hindrance and she should be able to make herself comfortable (although going into massive debt for it is a problem for me). Idk. I just think it sucks for everyone there.

emilystevens_2 avatar
𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐦-𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No.... she won't even cuddle because when they DID have sex, he kept turning her around so he wouldn't have to look at her. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be having sex OR cuddling anyone who made it clear they can't stand the sight of me. Why would anyone want to cuddle up to someone who has such clear and obvious disgust for them/their body?

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Carole G.
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey Shallow Hal...I say kudos to her. She was uncomfortable all the time. Receiving unwanted attention is horrible for a woman. In years to come her back would be hurting as well, did you consider that? So PLEASE move on little boy, you're not man enough to be married...

juliestevens avatar
Giraffy Window
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because they don't cause her pain now doesn't mean she wouldn't have had any pain later. Boobs are great, but your own boobs suck when you get older and you're someone who's up there in the cups.

sarah_a_tate avatar
Upstaged75
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly he's doing her a favor by divorcing her. What an immature douchebag. He's never going to learn either based on his responses. She should be with someone who actually likes her and doesn't just see her as a pair of boobs.

dw_7 avatar
D W
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems a lot of people haven't actually read everything and are judging based on the headlines. The fact she wouldn't discuss it openly with him before she made the appointment shows a lack of trust, so the marriage was probably doomed. When you're a couple, the old 'my body, my decision' rhetoric doesn't wash. Couples are in it together. Of course it's her decision but she gave him no time to think about it, what it might mean for them and then just expected him to be fine from the off, didn't give any time beforehand or afterwards to get used to the idea, especially since it was elective surgery and not health related. she had clearly been thinking of this for years after the initial discussion and didn't bring him along with her thinking or feeling, just dropped a bombshell and then exploded when he didn't react the way she wanted. I'm not surprised he handled it poorly, he was given no time to think about it while she gave herself years to think about from her own perspective and clearly never considered his perspective.

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

D W - Sorry, but she DID try and talk to him about it a couple of times and he shot her down. He told her that her feelings didn't matter and she shouldn't get the surgery. Who is he to decide what she should do with her body? If he was a woman and had to deal with the crappy way men were dealing with her, I bet he'd be thinking way differently. I understand not feeling attracted to her anymore (even though it's very shallow of him), but he should have been honest with her, so she could deal with it and move on.

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Ge Po
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

to me, she is in the wrong AS WELL. Yes, he should have approached this differently, but she also. She should have given him time to adjust and not demand that he perform as always, even though things have changed. He is in the wrong, because bodies do change and he should want to learn to cope with that. There's sickness and aging and there's accidents that scar. (Yes, and there are fully grown women who look stunningly sexy, who have cupsize A. If he can't cope with that, he should check himself and try to find out why it 'does not do' for him. Is it all only for his pleasure?

mathildesnijders avatar
Sage(formerly Impasta)
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, so please dont downvote me for this. I'm very YTA. The only thing I'm confused about is that he said things might change and his wife was still upset when they did? Obviously he is shallow and the way he acted as if he is "punishing" her is not ok. But what you can't do is force attraction. I do not think it is completely fair that the wife would still expect that even if he warned her. Maybe he just needs some time to adjust. (I am not defending OP's actions, just sharing my thoughts. He is still very much TA.)

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All OP wants is time to adjust. As stated. He's not being given that abd is called shsllow.

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millac
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They should divorce. Her sneakily arranging this surgery they could not afford is a major breach of trust (especially since it seems she purposefully waited until after he was 'locked in' with marriage to go through with it), her putting him in a position where he has to lie to her is terrible, and trying to force the sex stuff is really bad. He hasn't been the most honest and upfront when he should be, but I understand why he would never in a million years want to say "do that and I'll find you hideous" or "you look like a kid and it's gross to have sex with you". The social and relationship consequences of those things leaving your mouth are not things you can recover from. So, they need to break up immediately, and the entire time he needs to stick with it being because she is overly concerned with the opinions of others and put them into massive medical debt for a cosmetic procedure.

c_o_shea avatar
C.O. Shea
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a major breast reduction out of medical necessity... and I could barely look at my own scars for years. I'm sorry your experience has been challenging. Ultimately, you must be comfortable... if there's no way to compromise... suck it up and move on.

shannon_592 avatar
Shannon bell
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read the entire post thoroughly and you are chauvinistic. You seriously want to divorce your wife because she got a boob reduction and you’re trying to make excuses for it rather than admit the truth which is that you’re shallow. You asked for our advice and hear it is. Divorce her, she deserves better. If you truly love someone it shouldn’t matter how big her boobs are. Of course attraction does play a part in love but what you’re saying to everyone is that you based your entire marriage on her boobs. She’s already wasted six years of her life on a man who doesn’t really love her. Let her find someone who loves her for her and not her boobs before you waste another six years of her life and before kids get involved. P.S you’re a twat!

jasmynjay avatar
Jasmyn JAY
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I don't think he's an ahole🤷🏾‍♀️ downvote me idk but my ex cut his beard and I just felt like why tf would you do that (he's not my ex for that reason. Also it grew back) but I mean people can like what they like. He isn't controlling (obviously) what she does with her body. If the roles were to be reversed all the yta would be nta. Get a grip.

hermom504 avatar
WonderWoman
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is superficial and arrogant. He is looking for justification for being a giant AH. I hope they divorce, his wife deserves so much more.

lampreyshack avatar
StretcherBearer
Community Member
1 week ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He has a right to be a d**k, but I hope his wife leaves him. My ex had DDD size and she was on the short side. She had to deal with gross men and back pain. She contemplated breast reduction because she literal grooves in her shoulders from the weight on her bra straps. There's gonna be long term damage. It's a quality of life issue and that trumps my preferences.

samijoross239 avatar
Sami-Jo Ross
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw a couple update posts and while I didn't read through them, TL;DR they divorced and wife realized she screwed up, I think there were complications or something and now she wants him back.

tyranamar avatar
Tyranamar Seuss
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce would really be a kind thing to do here. She obviously didn't feel safe enough with him to really discuss why she wanted this operation and how she was for sure going to do it. And he doesn't know how to talk to her about what he needs to adjust. He should go get a nice thick woman. And she should go get a kind accepting man.

karenhann avatar
Insomniac
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When one member of a couple undergoes major physical change, it frequently strains the relationship. This guy obviously didn't understand WHY she did it. And if he's into thick women, I can see how B-cup looks childlike to him. He's probably never been with a woman smaller than a DDD. So I understand why it's uncomfortable for him. They should have communicated better before the surgery and gotten some counselling to manage this. There's no coming back. The marriage is over.

russaird avatar
Stinky
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG the OP is a complete AH and I agree with Lori w - disagree and he goes off like a 3 year old...what a worthless piece of c**p.....she's better off without him.....

st-simon12 avatar
Sim
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh please with all the dumping on OP. She probably does look gross now and she hacked off her boobs without giving AF about what he may have to say. He should get divorced. The marriage is over. She’ll find some dude who loves hacked boobs with scars. It’s not like she had health issues. Just f* cked up in her head.

perstephone29 avatar
Persephone
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dear lord.... you need therapy. She deserves better. She is not property, and has every right to feel comfortable in her own body. God forbid you have some sort of emergency surgery ever, and your partner wants to vomit at the sight of your scar, rather than be supportive! 🙄😠 Dude, you are disgusting and a narcissistic crybaby.

lorireese avatar
Wheeskers
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find it intriguing that everyone is against the man. Everyone thought he was an ah and she was perfect. He's allowed to have his own feelings about this. She's not who he married, and she's punishing him for HIS feelings. He wants to still be with his wife, allowing him to come to terms with the scars and the smaller boobs. And, the cost! He is the husband and all big purchases should be talked through before hand when there are plans for the future. She decided alone to under go the surgery and he's just supposed to say okay! She, to me, has not been a good partner.

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weeskers - And he HAS been a good partner? He definitely has a right to his own feelings, but so does she. He's not who she married either. Your statement that "he's the husband" means what? That because he's her husband he gets to decide for her? Yes, big purchases should be talked about, but it seems like she's not looking for him to pay for the surgery, but is paying for it herself. She tried to discuss this with him beforehand, but he dismissed her feelings as if they didn't matter. He has no right to decide how she should feel.

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Sweet Fanny Adams
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I vote Not the asphole. People like what they like. Can't force someone to like something when they don't. That'll push them to like it even less. Resentment in a relationship. Life is not simple. Everyone is different. But I do think if the writer worded it a bit better or different, they wouldn't recieve such negative feedback from the respondents.

lisamai-wood avatar
Lee
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow if this is real this guy is a massive piece of s**t. She should be the one filing for divorce. I feel bad for her and I hope he dies alone

jerrytaylor19555 avatar
Jenny T
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guess feelings most be put in to consideration and thoughts/options share before taken action in a relationship and much more than in marriage.

mralt avatar
MR
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Meh, I think a lot of people are making assumptions here. The biggest issue was him flat out lying to her rather than having an adult conversations with her. Pretending like attraction doesn't matter and that you should be able to automatically handle a drastic change in appearance without batting an eyelash is pretty ridiculous. Yes, there is a level of shallowness built into that, but we all suffer from that in some capacity about different things. He's not handling this well. Period. But I don't think his reaction makes him an AH. Only the lying and not being honest with his partner does. Everything else is just reactionary nonsense from people who believe others should be able to shut off whatever part of our brains impacts physical attraction just because we love someone. The key difference between a friend and significant other is a physical attraction. Accept that even if you can't understand it yourself.

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FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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Its hilarious bevause that first big issue you mention? People who didn't read it are blasting him for NOT doing that. "You shouldn't have said you werent attracted and adapted in silence." People dont like to read. Siiiigh

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Nitka Tsar
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

…. Lets see if I will get downvoted or not. I am a woman by the way. And keep in mind people who say one can choose being gay or straight! You can‘t force attraction, right? So, my comment is: you can‘t force attraction! He sounds reasonable and mature. You have to read the whole story.

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Lyoness
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reasonable and mature in that they're clear on what they find attractive, yes. Not so much in reactions. In the initial post he said he'd support her decision, then in a response to a comment he accused her of lying and sneaking around his back to have the procedure. I just want to say "Dude, your wife told you what she was going to do. You said you were behind her. Now you're being judgemental AF. Pick a side."

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Windtree
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imho, ESH. OP because of ...just read the above again and the wife because she spent a large amount of money that affected their economy without discussing things with OP. I don't think they should divorce but they need marriage counseling and maybe time to get used to things.

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Sunny Day
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is calling him TA, but I have to compare it to all the posts about "my husband gained 150 pounds and I'm not attracted to him anymore, but he refuses to diet" - where wife is told to run for the hills.

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WoodenLion
Community Member
1 week ago

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Gabriele Alfredo Pini
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think we miss a lot of details... Why she feel the need to hide the details of the surgery? He was abusive or she really discounted his advice/opinion? For me this is the crux of the question: in a relationship we are together against the world, not one against the other to gain something. The other thing is the insistence on the sex: if a man put on two piercings on the nipples and the woman refuse sex because the thought of a metal piece under the skin make her uncomfortable, he could insist?

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gabriele Alfredo Pini - She felt the need to hide the details because when she tried to discuss it with him, he shot her down. It's her body and she has the right to make decisions on how to deal with it. He seemed to feel that he had a right to make decisions for her, which he didn't.

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Sim
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She hacked her titties off, was told of the consequences, and now she expects her husband to get excited about her hack job? Yeah, divorcing her is the best solution. Who knows what else she’ll do to herself with no regards of her husband is turned off? Some women are really dumb thinking they can do whatever they want to themselves and their men should 100% accept them even if they’re gross.

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sdotvisionary
Community Member
1 week ago

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Everyone is calling this man shallow, but it's shallowness of his wife that brought them to this. You do not know how your mind is going to respond to human flesh compromised by incisions and sutures. His wife exposed him to this visual which his mind was not comfortable with. Both people should be evolved enough to have the conversation of his comfortability in seeing the scars. She should be able to cover up until she is fully healed, until he is ready to accept the new normalcy. However, this man may be shallow because he never graduated from breastology 101.

marylg222 avatar
Mary Guerinot
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

sdotvisionary - WTF? I'm not sure where you get your information from, but you are definitely an asshat! You don't get to speak for all men, nor do you get to tell women what to do or how to feel. I'm going to assume (and yes I know what that means) that you're single. I just can't imagine any woman putting up with your c**p!

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FluffyDreg
Community Member
1 week ago

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Oh man we've got a case where the majoroty of people here didnt read the whole thing. And are downvoted everyone saying to go re read it again and providing the information they missed. I wish it wasnt so common.

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marco_mattanza
Community Member
1 week ago

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NTA. It's not his fault that he's not attracted to her anymore. For sure she's allowed to do with her body whatever she wants, but she must accept the consequences. If she decides to have tatoos in her face or 20 piercings, okay, but noone can force him to like it. Or if she decides to become a man and have a penis, noone can force him to become gay.

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Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understood your point until the last argument, who the hell randomly grows a wiener? That's not how trans people work if that's what you think ...

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Mustafa Kiziroğlu
Community Member
1 week ago

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So, we suppose to figure out it's boobs from the word reduction. Last time it was a specific 1973 court rule from the word decision. Americans are the weirdest.

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Why are Bored Panda editors so fucking retarded?
1 week ago

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FOR F***S SAKE BORED PANDA EDITORS / PUBLISHERS, GET A F*****G CLUE AND STOP INCLUDING “(NOT THE ACTUAL PHOTO)” UNDER THE IMAGES THAT ACCOMPANY YOUR F*****G PATHETIC “ARTICLES”/LISTICLES. THIS IS NOT HOW IMAGES ARE CREDITED - IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, GO AND LOOK AT ANY OTHER WEBSITE. EVEN IF THIS IGNORANCE WAS EXCUSABLE (WHICH IT IS NOT), THIS PHRASE MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO F*****G SENSE.

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