“I Was Blamed For Ruining Dad”: Mom Done Catering To Ex’s Happiness, Gives Kids An Ultimatum
Your wedding is a big deal, so naturally, you want to celebrate with the people whom you love. However, putting together a guest list isn’t as simple as it sounds. For one, you need to limit the number of people attending. And on top of that, you might realize that not everyone you invite wants to come… even if they’re your own kids.
Redditor u/CalligrapherGrand439 turned to the AITA online community regarding a very delicate situation. She plans to remarry, however, her children plan to skip the event. The OP, in turn, gave them an ultimatum. Scroll down for the full story and the advice the internet gave the mom. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Everyone deserves happiness and romance. However, some family members have issues with people remarrying
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how she gave her children an ultimatum after she realized they might not show up to her second wedding
Image credits: Porapak Apichodilok (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/CalligrapherGrand439
It’s unfair to guilt-trip someone who has found happiness after getting divorced
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The author of the viral post shared how the situation soon escalated. She revealed to her children what her ex-husband, their father, had previously done. On top of that, she also sent them the post she’d made on Reddit.
“If they do go, I have hope to fix this relationship. If not, I’m just done. I can’t keep playing this game,” Reddit user u/CalligrapherGrand439 explained how exhausting it is to constantly have to put her own happiness second because she might make her ex feel bad.
Divorce can be tough on everyone, including the kids. However, it would be incredibly unfair that they demand that their parents don’t date anyone new. A big part of breaking up is about starting a new chapter of your life, moving on, and finding new love. Everyone else involved should try to be as mature as possible and embrace these changes, instead of guilt-tripping the person for finally being happy with someone else.
Ultimatums often backfire, so it’s best to go for a different approach
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew (not the actual photo)
The ultimatum that the OP had initially given her children might not have been the best approach. And the mom soon realized this, later letting her kids know that it’s up to them whether or not they come to her wedding. As ‘Paired Magazine’ points out, ultimatums are often given out of desperation, but they rarely ever work.
Better, healthier alternatives include proper communication about these issues, as well as setting some boundaries. The latter, especially, are essential parts of any good relationship, whether it’s romantic, familial, or otherwise. They put everyone on the same page and make it clear what you as a person need and want in life.
However, if the people in your life constantly ignore your needs, you may need to create some distance from them. Everyone deserves to be respected. And wanting some happiness and romance in your life isn’t a sin: these are natural, human desires. Nobody should be forced to feel guilty because they’re remarrying.
You might not be able to control who shows up at your wedding, but you can control how you react
Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual photo)
According to a recent study conducted by The Knot, the average American wedding in 2022 had a whopping 117 guests. Of course, what really matters isn’t the number of people who show up, it’s that the right people show up.
At the end of the day, weddings are meant to be celebrated with those whom you love the most. And it can be devastating if someone you want to see smiling at you as you walk down the aisle decides not to show up. Though easier said than done, it’s best to try to come to terms with this fact.
This means embracing the feelings that bubble up when you think about the entire situation. A big part of being resilient in life is about acknowledging how you feel, but not letting those emotions dictate what you do. You can choose how you react.
For example, you might choose to focus on the positives instead of just the negatives, like the idea that you’re marrying the person you love. Gratitude also goes a long way toward improving life satisfaction.
You could, for instance, think about how grateful you are for some of the other guests who are showing up, even if the people who matter to you the most might not be there. It’s all about seeing the silver lining when times are tough.
The mom answered a few burning questions in the comments of her post
Most readers thought that the author acted completely within her rights
Not everyone was as supportive of the mom. Here are some other opinions they shared
He is not a good dad. It sounds like he used and manipulated the kids over the years to blame their mom for the breakup.
No it's not just the dad. It's the kids too. Emotionally they remained kids and don't see their mother as a human, they see their mother as tool, as a supporting character whose only purpose in life should be holding together her family. They're in their twenties now, they're not 5. They should know better.
He is not a good dad. It sounds like he used and manipulated the kids over the years to blame their mom for the breakup.
No it's not just the dad. It's the kids too. Emotionally they remained kids and don't see their mother as a human, they see their mother as tool, as a supporting character whose only purpose in life should be holding together her family. They're in their twenties now, they're not 5. They should know better.
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