30 Behaviors That People In This Online Group Find Hard To Tolerate So They Judge Others For It
Humans evolved to be compassionate and understand other people’s pain, unfortunate circumstances or irrational behavior. It might be because they have gone through it themselves, they can imagine how it might feel or just believe the person when they share how hard it is for them.
Even though we are compassionate, we can’t help but be judgemental as well. There are things that annoy us and we can’t find an excuse or meaning behind certain behaviors, although we often keep it to ourselves.
People were given the opportunity to vent about it on Reddit when nosovietspyhere asked, “What is something you silently judge people for?” In a week, more than 15k people joined the thread and over 19k people upvoted it confessing what behaviors they simply don’t understand and make them dislike the people conducting them.
More info: Reddit
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According to Emma Seppälä, a Yale lecturer and a best-selling author, “Science shows that we are actually wired for compassion, not self-interest.” Dacher Keltner at the University of California, Berkeley also suggests that we don’t learn compassion, but it’s an innate instinct.
But that doesn’t stop us from judging other people. Bored Panda reached out to motivational speaker, mindset expert and co-founder of Super Connector Media Jen Gottlieb and she revealed that even the most compassionate people can be quick to judge.
Jen Gottlieb explained the reasons behind such feelings: “It’s usually because [people] feel threatened, insecure or competitive towards the person they are judging. People also tend to make negative judgments towards others when someone does something that reflects an aspect about themselves that they don't like.”
Turns out, it’s a form of projecting which allows judgemental people to feel like they are above others: “Instead of looking inward, they use judgment to deflect those insecurities. Judging someone gives people a false sense of hierarchy or superiority so insecure people often skip over compassion and move straight into judgment to make themselves feel better.”
Watching videos at full volume in public. I don’t understand this.
Being obliviously in the way. Like getting to the end of an escalator and just standing there. Or standing with a group of people in a doorway or aisle. Or stopping to stare at your phone in the middle of the sidewalk.
Just move out of the way like 2 steps and everyones life is easier.
I hate when ppl leave their paper coffee cup on a random shelf in Walmart when they're done with it. That's so gross and entitled. Throw away your own garbage.
That drives me insane. Especially when I worked retail...I'd find dirty diapers in the fitting rooms too.
Even though the person who is judging others might feel like they are superior, Jen Gottlieb believes that such behavior reveals that they might not be very happy with themselves and their lives.
The mindset expert goes into more detail about how a happy and unhappy person thinks, which influences their different views: “I would say that unhappy people are quicker to judge others and happy people are quicker to have an open mind and give people the benefit of the doubt. Unhappy people often use judgment as a tool to attempt to feel more secure within themselves. Happy people don’t need to do that because they tend to come from an abundant/collaborative mindset instead of a competitive one. Happy people also tend to look at people with a more positive lens and see the good. My fiance Chris always says ‘hurt people hurt people.’”
Fat people who I see running. I judge them in a good way. I always root for them.
PEOPLE WHO DONT THROW AWAY THEIR TRASH AT FAST FOOD PLACES! Nothing screams disgusting to me more than someone who leaves all their c**p at their table and leaves
I get annoyed when people do this in movie theaters. There's bins at every exit. Pick up your trash!! And no, it's not you "giving them job security".
Not being able to accept other viewpoints and not ever admitting that their wrong on any point.
The action of judging is always seen as negative and as it turns out, is a personality trait that is more common for unhappy people. Truth to be told, Jen Gottlieb doesn’t see any benefits coming from it. “Being judgemental can definitely hold you back from becoming successful because you are subconsciously (or sometimes consciously) blocking opportunities and relationships before you know what they can do for you!”
The motivational speaker reveals that in her own experience, she may not have formed some of the most powerful relationships with her friends if she had been too judgemental and wouldn’t have given them a chance.
If you are decked out in American Flag attire, I am concluding some things about you. Just the way it is.
Hyping themselves up too much. Saying s**t like “that wouldn’t fly with me, everyone knows not to mess with me” or “people look up to me” or “I’ll have your back until you cross me” like bro this isn’t a movie, relax. I don’t think these people understand that the more you have to hype yourself up, the less people actually think that of you.
But critical thinking and evaluation of your actions are still very important. “There is a difference between being judgmental and thoughtful. It is important to be thoughtful and intentional with your interactions and choices, but the second you find yourself making negative preconceived notions about something or someone, you should pause and ask yourself why you are making the judgment. Did that person activate something in you that made you feel less than? It always starts and ends with the hidden ‘why’ behind the judgment.”
Do you feel like you tend to judge others more when you are feeling unhappy? Do you think there are things you would judge others for even if you are in a good mood? Do you think a little bit of judging might be beneficial? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
loud a*s (tweaked) motor cycles in an urban area. am not alone there though, as apparent by everybody angrily turning in the same direction when those idiots drive by.
Dude have no idea of how many Times i wished i had an RPG7, not even kidding every single f*****g night there was a massive c...t with a quad that would wake up everyone with his s**t fart machine.
Having multiple children they clearly weren't ready for lol
Yes, one of my sisters had four kids and she bitched all the time about them. You would've thought the government allocated the kids to her. You had choices, suck it up!
The only time I feel I judge people like this is when I'm driving. Speed up, pay attention to the road, use your signals, and don't be an idiot. It's not that hard.
Put your gd phone down. Don't tailgate. Get out of the fast lane, slowpoke. Let other people get in during a merge.
People who act victimized when in reality they’ve never been a victim of anything in their lives.
May or may not have some family members that do this and it drives me f*****g insane
When a parent gives a child a "unique" name that's obviously not specific to their culture, but a mispelled or made up name like "Spenser" or "Alivia" or "Mayson".
littering, chewing with their mouth open, drunkenly touching people.
I understand being in a toxic or s**tty relationship and that some people can't leave. I understand that. But I've met some girls who are balls deep obsessed with their s***ty a*s boyfriends and think that they can change them or think they're in love when the guys an a*****e and a bum. My neighbor for example cares more about her druggy boyfriend than her own child. Stuff like that I will judge you for.
I think there are some cases, but a co-worker in a very abusive relationship had been brainwashed to think it was her fault. She refused to hear any criticism of her spouse. I ended up giving her a book on self-esteem, nothing derogatory about abusive SOs'. Ran into her months later in another job, free of that POS. She told me she'd read the book in the bathroom (hiding) and slowly realized she was worth more than him. I was thrilled for her. I'll never forget that.
When I hear people s**t talking someone due to their appearance/ clothes. So f*****g shallow but its not worth calling people like that out.
Kinda niche but...
I silently judge people who do extremely hard hikes/dangerous hikes woefully unprepared or wearing sandals/sneakers/inappropriate footwear.
I live in Colorado and too often we get headlines related to these kinds of people. There is no excuse with all the resources available to research the hike you're doing. Ultimately, S&R is going to have to use THEIR resources to save your a*s from something that was of your own doing. But I judge silently because I believe that sometimes, you do need to learn the hard way.
Last spring, a mother & daughter went hiking on a local trail at 5 PM. Guess what? They ended up stranded at the top of a mountain in pitch darkness and below-freezing temperatures. Research the trail before you hike it, people!
Being s**t parents.
I feel like some parents have bad days, slip up, make mistakes or perhaps got some bad/skewed advice. It's the ones that aren't even trying that I smdh at.
Gossiping, like people who only gossip. Because you know that if they gossip to you about everyone else theyre gossiping about you to other people too.
In-laws gossiped about my dying mother speculating whether it was cancer or AIDS. All over Facebook. And they wonder why I don’t talk to them
If they're disagreeable and never grateful for anything or anyone.
When people type “loose” instead of “lose”
I know exactly how you feel and I felt exactly the same. Until one particularly wise panda suggested that there may be an alternative reason than pure ignorance. Perhaps the person writes English as a second language, or maybe they have trouble with words, maybe even dyslexia. I thought that was a good point and these days I just let those mistakes pass and give the author the benefit of the doubt. After all, they are contributing to the discussion and I would hate to scare someone off because of less than perfect English.
Lack of self awareness.
Parents who's kids have pacifiers while being 4 years and older
I used to feel this 100% but have come to realise, a lot of children with developmental issues or on autism spectrum, need these as soothing aids and a lot of them take a lot longer to give up these items
Thank you for your comment. My daughter is autistic and was very hard to get off of the pacifier, and for a child that has a lot of pent up frustration due to things like rigidity or lack of being able to communicate their needs I think if it gives them a way to self soothe then by all means. We ended up going through a ton of binkies those first few years because so many of them got "lost" and when we finally decided it was time to rip off the bandaid and do away with them I threw out the last of the ones we had..... or so I thought. Turns out she had stashed all of her old binkies all over the house. I would throw one away and she would come back into the room all of a sudden with another one in her mouth. Then I would take it and throw that one away and then boop there she is again with another lol. I was like " where the heck are they coming from?!?" It took almost a full month before she finally ran out of reinforcements.
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They could have a developmental disability. If they're a functional, normal teenager with soothers then I think they're ravers and do ecstasy, or like the style. I remember they were a big trend in the mid 90s.
I may take a lot of heat for this, bit I honestly sucked my fingers (middle two) until I think around 30-something. Late thirties, anyway. It did not hurt my teeth or anything like everyone always claimed it would and the only thing that happened was I had a callous on my knuckle. That went away after I quit (breathing problems due to chronic bronchitis, needed my mouth to breathe for awhile). Now I can't go back and let me tell you, as someone with a LOT of mental trauma, I've cried because it gave me such a sense of peace that I simply cannot find at all anymore. Now, I didn't do it all the time, just to fall asleep. But it helped and it hurt no one.
My kids never had one - all 4 of them hated them - I tried giving them one and watched in awe as they spat it across the room - the distance they reached was impressive. My kids are somewhat odd
I get if the kid is autistic or has a disability, but most of the kids I see with pacifiers, who are WAY too old to use them (have teeth, are verbal, basically 2 years or older), are not autistic. They are verbal, outgoing, and have no business using a pacifier. If the kid take’s the pacifier out of their mouth to talk to you…. Lazy parenting.
Our daughter (youngest of 3) gave up her pacifier when she found her thumb, around 6 months old. By the time she was 4 years old, her dentist had put an appliance in her mouth to keep her from sucking her thumb. She had it for a year, and has never sucked her thumb or a pacifier since (about 10 years and counting).
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What a crass judgement my 5yo son is autistic and uses a pacifier, spend one day in our shoes and see if you would deny it to him. That and me holding him in my arms are the only thing that allow him drift off to sleep. But I won't judge you as you are clearly uneducated as to the struggles those outside your perfect world face.
Why do you think people who judge parents for doing this are including parents of autistic or neurodivergent kids? I don't. They aren't referring to the exceptions to the rule.
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Cheap a*5 ones do damage teeth, orthodontic ones don't. I judge people who are cheap when it comes to the needs of their children
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Ppl pressured my 4 year old to get rid of hers (only for sleeping) she bowed to their pressure and now I have a finger sucker (way more gross, worse for teeth, and harder to control). She won't taker the soother back because ppl told her its gross. Thank you ppl who couldn't mind your business.
On one hand, I was encouraged to use a pacifier or special sippy cups when I was little, to help my ears/eustachian tubes to work correctly. I'm 43 now and we have discovered it was a birth defect that caused my ears/eustachian tubes to not work correctly. On the other hand, my granny verbally bashed me constantly about it.
when im at work, on register and someone handing me crumpled up bills, like really you couldnt straighten this out?
As long as they're not pulling them out of body crevices and don't stink, then who cares if they're straightened or crumpled.
Parents who can't be arsed what their children do, the ones that let them run riot in restaurants or in stores and the children are pulling items off shelves, playing with toys and leaving them on the floor, allowing them to drop trash/litter all over the place, going in other peoples gardens and causing havoc but then think the whole world should love and adore their children and say "They are only playing".
I judge people who treat employees like trash and who speak to others like they're waste of time. Life wouldn't be so daunting, tedious and stressful if you're not thinking about how you're spending time every second of every day and how much money you're making/spending every second of every day. Sounds exhausting.
When I was dating, I left more than one guy sitting alone in a restaurant because he was rude or condescending to the wait staff. I won't put up with it.
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If I see someone put soda in a baby bottle or sippy cup, I will instantly judge them as bad parents.
I've seen this a lot with other young parents. One daycare worker would always toss out the soda she found in the sippy cup this 9mth old's mom would give her. The mom was always spoken to about it.
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If you treat your server, bartender, customer service rep, or retail worker poorly, I totally judge you.
People who have a phone conversation in public with the phone on speaker. Like seriously I don't want to hear your conversation, get earphones or hold the phone up to your ear like a normal person.
Being an adult picky eater. Unless you have food allergies, you're on the autism spectrum and have a hypersensitivity around food textures, or have childhood abuse issues around food, I will judge you as having been a spoiled child if you're an adult picky eater.
I don't care if someone is a picky eater. It's a preference thing, like music or clothing, it's fine. It's when a picky eater asks me to choose where to eat that I get frustrated.
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Stop being so judgy and hating on threads that are judgy and hating. You're being all judgy and hating. /jk
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I'll add people who constantly complain/vent to you. You may feel better afterwards but that s**t brings me down. The constant negativity just makes it unbearable for me and it's not even me being mad. I've learned to make my co-worker who does laugh to defuse things for both of us.
This was a pretty terrible article. Idk why I thought it would be fine, but I was wrong. What especiadissapointes me is all the downvotes people received just by disagreeing. People are now banned just for dissenting from popular opinion. It’s a dangerous path, silencing people just because you disagree with them. Those who choose to are no better than those they judge.
I judge people who use swear words on public transport, if there are children.
People who use actual mental illnesses as though they are adjectives. OCD, Bi-Polar and Narcissism, example, are actual illnesses not the same as saying "orange" cat, "red" car. No one goes around declaring rheumatoid arthritis or cancer to describe the behaviors of others. It's gross and offensive to those actually struggling with such illnesses or for those whom love someone who is struggling. It's ignorant and gross.
people may have gastic problems or need to pee. I have this problem, can't sit still for more than an hour.
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Parents who can't be arsed what their children do, the ones that let them run riot in restaurants or in stores and the children are pulling items off shelves, playing with toys and leaving them on the floor, allowing them to drop trash/litter all over the place, going in other peoples gardens and causing havoc but then think the whole world should love and adore their children and say "They are only playing".
I judge people who treat employees like trash and who speak to others like they're waste of time. Life wouldn't be so daunting, tedious and stressful if you're not thinking about how you're spending time every second of every day and how much money you're making/spending every second of every day. Sounds exhausting.
When I was dating, I left more than one guy sitting alone in a restaurant because he was rude or condescending to the wait staff. I won't put up with it.
Load More Replies... If I see someone put soda in a baby bottle or sippy cup, I will instantly judge them as bad parents.
I've seen this a lot with other young parents. One daycare worker would always toss out the soda she found in the sippy cup this 9mth old's mom would give her. The mom was always spoken to about it.
Load More Replies... If you treat your server, bartender, customer service rep, or retail worker poorly, I totally judge you.
People who have a phone conversation in public with the phone on speaker. Like seriously I don't want to hear your conversation, get earphones or hold the phone up to your ear like a normal person.
Being an adult picky eater. Unless you have food allergies, you're on the autism spectrum and have a hypersensitivity around food textures, or have childhood abuse issues around food, I will judge you as having been a spoiled child if you're an adult picky eater.
I don't care if someone is a picky eater. It's a preference thing, like music or clothing, it's fine. It's when a picky eater asks me to choose where to eat that I get frustrated.
Load More Replies... Stop being so judgy and hating on threads that are judgy and hating. You're being all judgy and hating. /jk
Load More Replies... I'll add people who constantly complain/vent to you. You may feel better afterwards but that s**t brings me down. The constant negativity just makes it unbearable for me and it's not even me being mad. I've learned to make my co-worker who does laugh to defuse things for both of us.
This was a pretty terrible article. Idk why I thought it would be fine, but I was wrong. What especiadissapointes me is all the downvotes people received just by disagreeing. People are now banned just for dissenting from popular opinion. It’s a dangerous path, silencing people just because you disagree with them. Those who choose to are no better than those they judge.
I judge people who use swear words on public transport, if there are children.
People who use actual mental illnesses as though they are adjectives. OCD, Bi-Polar and Narcissism, example, are actual illnesses not the same as saying "orange" cat, "red" car. No one goes around declaring rheumatoid arthritis or cancer to describe the behaviors of others. It's gross and offensive to those actually struggling with such illnesses or for those whom love someone who is struggling. It's ignorant and gross.
people may have gastic problems or need to pee. I have this problem, can't sit still for more than an hour.
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