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When a man hesitates to hug male friends in public or sweats at the mere thought of carrying a female friend’s purse for her, it makes you wonder how come this is such a big deal. But while we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, some of these unexplainable behaviors can reveal a way bigger picture.

People say it has to do with some men being insecure about their masculinity. How come? Well, it’s the fear of losing one's status as a “real man” in other people’s eyes, which makes the guy think he would be looked at as tenuous. There’s an old-fashioned belief that a man has to earn his status through proof of action, or a test of some sort, that makes him the man he really is. And although many men are aware of the fact that this is not how gender works, some still follow this ancient notion of manhood.

So when a TikToker @richtiktoxic asked people “What is something that men do that lets you know their insecure about their masculinity?” his video went viral with 1.1M views. “I’ll go first. As soon as a man refers to himself as an alpha, you know he’s insecure,” said Rich and passed the baton onto other people on social media who had a lot to say on the topic.

@richtiktoxic

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#1

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

basicminiwheats Report

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    #2

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    richtiktoxic Report

    Bored Panda reached out to the author of the video named Richard, better known by his TikTok handle @rich.tik.toxic. Rich is a successful online content creator and journalist with 333.7k TikTok followers who was happy to answer some questions for us. When asked how Rich got the idea to ask people about the signs of insecure masculinity, the author said that “the video that sparked this entire debate was one created by my good friend Brittany Guzman (@_brittguz on TikTok).”

    “It was a reference to a study done in the UK regarding the prevalence of sexual harassment. She encountered an incredible amount of hate comments simply for referencing a study. Men made it known they were unhappy with her bringing this data to light; so much so that at one point I think her video had 100 likes and 1000 comments,” Rich explained.

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    #3

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    toxicatok Report

    Brendan
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love that my wife earns more; it means we have more money. Who cares you which of you has the higher paycheck?

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    “In comparison,” he continued: “most videos have five to ten times more likes than comments. If you are not a man who sexually harasses women, why would you be triggered by this study? I realized it's because 'being a man' has become the defining characteristic of men’s self-identity.”

    Rich also said that “Pointing out how problematic typical male behavior has become is perceived by men as a personal attack.” According to him, “until men can realize that their biological sex is no more than a scientific category, they’ll be unable to truly define their self-identity.”

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    #5

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    basicminiwheats Report

    Dana Dara
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like this question does matter. There is a lifestyle/personality difference between a woman who’s slept with a couple of men and one that’s slept with like 100. If you answer and the guy shames you, that’s one thing. If you ask him and he says his number being high is different than yours being high, that’s bs. But asking in itself isn’t toxic.

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    #6

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Jo Choto
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, that's been the story of my life.

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    Speaking of the answers he received, Rich said a few of them caught him by surprise, “more so because of how accurate and detailed many of the responses were. Just about all of these behaviors are the manifestation of outdated societal norms that men are told to abide by.”

    “Things like driving a lifted truck, unnecessary assertions of dominance, and disliking anything feminine were common responses. Those behaviors seem so ridiculous when looked at from an objective standpoint.”

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    #7

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    xaviertainment Report

    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me and my wife blame each other for everything as a... sort-of-joke (I don't really want to use 'Joke' but can't think of another word that fits). She farts, then says 'Babe that's disgusting!' and I say 'sorry'. I'll forget to put something away, then say, 'Oh Darling, you've left this stuff everywhere!' and She'll say 'Sorry. Can you deal with it for me now?'

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    “The beauty of the time we live in is that you get to be whoever you want,” Rich said and added: “Don't do yourself the injustice of using outdated gender stereotypes and norms to create your identity. Stop putting value in the contemporary ideals of what is masculine and what is feminine.”

    “Masculinity is defined,” he concluded, “as having the traits of someone who identifies as a man. If you identify as a man, you are already masculine. You get to decide what masculinity means for you.”

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    #9

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    nazcanukagirl Report

    JXXXF
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone who has ever played team sports and had to have a communal shower knows the foot/p*nis size thing is a myth... in fact, its more of an insecurity from those who have big feet but are ashamed of the size of their manhood...

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    #10

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    reggieherold Report

    Queen Jackson.
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, if you tell a friend you’re bisexual and the first thing they wonder is if you like them or have a crush on them, think about that. Not telling you what to do, but just think about it.

    Luna
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They’re not worth it if they think you like them. I just say that “I don’t like trash like you that thinks me coming out means I like you”.

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    CP
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always took a gay man hitting on me as a compliment. It is not like they are hurting you in any way.

    Bobert Robertson
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a straight man, asking other straight men: why do you care if a gay man hits on you? Take it as a compliment, and politely decline. If they're a decent human being they'll move on, no harm no foul.

    Bender Bending Rodríguez
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly what I say. Best compliment I can get at this point in my life.

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    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend of mine came out when we were both in our early 20's, I went with him on his first visit to a gay club to look after him. I'm not much of a dancer so I just stayed at the bar and kept an eye on him. It was the most flattering night of my life! I'm not the most attractive of men, but every guy that approached me made me feel good about myself. It doesn't matter what gender someone is, if they do hit on you, it's probably taken them a lot to work up the courage, just be polite when giving your response and take it a MASSIVE compliment.

    AroAcePanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    being gay is not a "life choice".

    Kathryn Baylis
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s part of the way they artificially boost their fragile egos. They’ve convinced themselves that both women and men are going to be just besotted with them and second after being introduced. Most of them are only that magically attractive to themselves.

    Seabeast
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Relax. You're too ugly to hit on. Credit me with having some taste, okay?"

    Mojones
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's like they are scared that it could transfer over to them... Just take it as a compliment like you would if a woman hits on you.

    real._.izuku
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i would feel good about myself if anyone hit on me. like, you actually like my insecure, overly obsessive, and protective a$$?

    Lutz Herting
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The funny thing is that they THEN get angry or sad when you laugh and say that they DEFINITELY aren't your type... ;)

    Nevits Yibble
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dunno... I'm kind of flattered when gay dudes hit on me. Doesn't offend me at all. I think it's funny - we usually have a good laugh

    Helmut Kok
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because obvious all gay men hit on all other men!

    Dillon Hughes
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's wrong with that!? If a woman told me not to hit on her, that's fine....

    BoredRaccoon
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, but what if you told her that you're straight and she was like "Ok don't hit on me though". Wouldn't you be like, "Don't flatter yourself"?

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    Lena Flising
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does he hit on all women he meets? That statement says more about him than he might want to divulge. The gay man ought probably to refrain from leaving the guy alone with his women friends...

    Felype Rennan
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When people tell me someone is gay i'm like: "Oh yeah? cool" Like, its really no big deal, its as simple, mundane, common and natural as breathing, just people being themselves.

    Jackie Nettleton
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s so annoying, I once went to a friends house who was in a new relationship and they were both near 5 foot and I am 6foot so I was hugging her from behind and the look he. Gave me was like what the f*ck are you doing and other pointed out that I’m gay and he had nothing to worry about. The fact they had to say anything to him showed me how fragile his masculinity is

    Danjal Jannik TIndholm
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also always said by dudes who have no chance in hell of being hit on by me.

    dev mehta
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Straight men sometimes call each other 'gay', they think it's funny.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because they're just so incredibly irresistible, right?

    M Kate McCulloch
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been hit on weirdly often by lesbian women. I always say, Thank you! It's very flattering to be attractive to both sexes! But... I'm straight.

    StrawberryParfait
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would a gay man hit on a straight man? Gay men smell good, dress really nicely, appreciate culture, love to dance, and have fit bodies. Most straight men do not have all of these qualities at once.

    Dariusz M. D.
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a progress dude. Thirty years ago, there would be no respect for 'your life choices'.

    Mickie Shea
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm thinking a dude who would say "just don't . . . and on is either a secret gay or wanna be.

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Why would I hit on you? You think you're that irresistible? Knock it off, man."

    Bret Sander
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bahahaha! I just tell them, " don't worry honey, you're definitely not my type"

    Casey McAlister
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    what, you're afraid you won't be able to resist, sweetie?

    Leslie Burleson
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one ! You can just be accepting and nice to everyone , and not think they're going to hit on you for it

    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because...hey...any man is fair game as far as they're concerned and why would a gay guy have a type? Gimme a break.

    Viviane
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And watch them sputter when I tell them "I'm sure most gay men wouldn't be interested in you, anyways."

    backatya
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that's not insecure. Who the hell like some flamer acting like a woman and hitting you? Again if they want to be gay fine just don't bring that foolishness here it's annoying

    John Dough
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can come out of the closet you know. No reason for all the self hate.

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You should wait till they hit on you, because honestly, you probrably not that hot. Then you say, "Flattered, mate, but straight."

    elStiJneriNO
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    that's only valid if they don't say it to every straight female either

    Roxy Eastland
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's only valid if they treat women with the same respect. Just because she's straight doesn't mean she fancies you any more than you fancy the gay man.

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    #11

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    vikingwerewolf Report

    Sue User
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sadly, this article is proving this statement.

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    Rich’s TikTok audience is expanding rapidly, but he assured us that he never wanted to be an influencer. “Even calling myself an influencer feels so ridiculous. I was always the person behind the camera. I worked with a few social media celebrities when I was starting as a photographer and videographer creating viral content on platforms like Snapchat and Instagram,” the author confessed.

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    #12

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    ravina nimje
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe they are and too scared to come out.

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    #13

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    reggieherold Report

    Mojones
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn't this when they don't want to date trans girls, only born girls? Makes sense for me to give it a name.

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    #14

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    basicminiwheats Report

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Speaking as someone currently on her period, I can confirm that periods are gross. And man, woman, or other, any one is entitled to be grossed out by used sanitary products or menstrual blood left on the loo seat. That said, unused sanitary supplies are not gross, and a man secure in his masculinity should not hesitate to buy them for the women in his life if requested to do so.

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    “However, my life's goal has always been to do everything possible to save the planet. As I got older, I started to realize that without copious amounts of money, the only way I could have a substantial impact would be to put myself both behind and in front of the camera. That's when I started utilizing everything I had learned in the years creating content for influencers for my own content.”

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    #15

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Viviane
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need one of those insecure men as a referee this morning. Hubby and I are fighting over who gets to wear the forest green sweater in the Zoom meeting.

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    #16

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    cwelz_ Report

    Viviane
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I'd share with you, but I know tough guys don't eat chocolate." Yum, I get the whole box to myself.

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    #17

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    fullstripe Report

    Brendan
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to admit that, in my teenage years, I denied liking anything feminine (such as rom coms and soppy love songs). I now look back and laugh at the old me.

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    Rich believes that as much as virality hinges on luck, “the only people that get lucky creating viral videos are the ones actively trying to create them. Fight to get to the front of the line so you have the highest chance of actually getting what you want,” he concluded.

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    #19

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm on the fence. I understand who this is targeting (the same people that say 'all lives matter'), but the phrase doesn't belong to one group and one subject matter alone. A girl at work has just split up from her boyfriend, she says 'All men are arseholes' I say, 'most of them, yeah', But when she asks me why all men cheat, I will say, 'Not all men, just the ones you've dated so far.'

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    #20

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    four_eyed_yeti Report

    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a former heavy drinker, I can quite happily say that the best alcoholic drinks are the one that don't taste like your drinking alcohol. If you like the taste, drink it! But please drink responsibly.

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    #21

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    mmdvg40 Report

    Adam Belaire
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To quote an joke from a comedian I forget the name of; "You'll notice I talk about women a lot, because let's face it. If I was hungry, I'd talk about food."

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    #22

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    four_eyed_yeti Report

    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had that tried on me, but I have a killer grip strength so they only try it once :) still hurts tho! (Edit: my legs are ok-ish for walking and not much else, So I do most chores purely on arm strength where possible, hence crazy grip. One of my only physical strengths ^-^)

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    #23

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Jaekry
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Men can wear whatever they want; nice clothes, nice shoes, nice haistyles, nice rings, nice jewelry, nice nails. You know,... like ALL ppl... ;)

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    #25

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    JXXXF
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    European here, unpopular opinion here... I just don't get the US obsession with trucks full stop... they are ugly, slow, poorly made, a massive waste of space, drive awfully and almost everyone who has one just uses it for their commute or to pop down to Walmart...

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    #26

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    guncledann Report

    Bobert Robertson
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait what? People don't like when a woman compliments them on their appearance? It's nice to hear from anyone, male or female, that you look good today

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    #27

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    guncledann Report

    Anthony
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That has to do with individuals! We're all different

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    #28

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    multistan79 Report

    JXXXF
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am sorry but stating their opinion is fine, taking it further by trying to belittle them or make fun of them is where the line is crossed...

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    #29

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jxdahparker Report

    J. F.
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a small line between pride and arrogance

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