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When I was a preschooler, the top 2 questions that various adults asked me were always “What do you want to become when you grow up?” (well, yes, a 3 Y.O. kid makes some Napoleonic plans...) and “Who do you love more, dad or mom?” (great, then why not ask which lung is more comfortable for me to breathe with?)
Decades have passed - and we, adults, still continue to ask children, our own and others', questions of varying degrees of stupidity and inappropriateness, without even realizing that we're unwittingly traumatizing them. So here are almost three dozen similar stories, collected by Bored Panda from this viral thread in the AskReddit community.
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#1
Asking a teenage girl if she's on her period any time she shows any emotion
neytjie 1 year ago
I make mental notes on any male friends/family members who ask me this. And any time they seem pissy I ask if they are on their period
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago
Fun fact: men’s hormones fluctuate throughout a day to how women’s fluctuate over a month. So if they’re being pissy, you can ask if it’s that time of day :>
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
No, I'm just an irritable b!tch because I'm surrounded by idiots who expect me to behave in some male-imposed way.
Elio 1 year ago
Asking any woman that too is messed up. Let's be real, people (mostly dudes) making those comments are doing it to belittle a woman or girl and dismiss her.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
Or any female of any age. It's VERY cruel, actually, because you don't know what health related matter she's dealing with that could be effecting her menses. She may not getting a period ever. What's going on in our bodies is none of anyone's damn f*****g business. People need to stop looking at women as one big reproductive organ.
Tyranamar 1 year ago
OK but this was actually a helpful question for me. My grandmother would ask me this. I would start to get mad. Then realize she was right! Helped me become aware of some of my mood swings.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
Feeling upset, angry, sad, stressed doesn't always have to do with our hormones. It's usually the situations we're in. You don't need a period to experience mood swings and emotional states. I have prolactinoma, so I don't get my period. But I do experience times when I'm feeling really chill and times I'm feeling hot-headed or depressed. It's very invalidating when people assume a female can only feel those emotions when she's on her period. Now, I do notice when my daughter starts getting agitated and snappy more than usual. She doesn't realize it in those moments but when I point it out to her she knows she needs to make sure she's stocked up for the following week. So, yeah, there's a correlation. But it still doesn't equal the sole causation.
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RELATED:
#2
“Why are you playing with [gender specific toy]? That’s for boys/girls.”
neytjie 1 year ago
Dumbest thing ever. Toys do not have an assigned gender. My daughter and son play together, whether it's with dolls or cars, I don't see a problem if they enjoy what they are playing with.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
My daughter plays with whatever fascinates her, or whatever she chooses. If she's happy and having fun then I'm happy. That little giggle with glee is music to my ears.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
Not just toys, reading books. The religious fanatic breeders tried to kill my curiosity into anything they didn't approve of (i.e. science and mathematics).
Dawn Harris 1 year ago
I'm sorry 😞...I was in a somewhat similar situation for a summer of punishment...sent to an overly religious foster home, thank God it was only a few months I hope you're doing well now 😊❤️ 🤗
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Philip Rutter 1 year ago
Perfect example - many/most of these obnoxious questions are not AIMED at the children - they are aimed at the PARENT - and are intentionally aimed at ENFORCING the questioner's "tribal" dogmas. "Parent- you are HARMING your child!" is the message intended. So, the kid gets run over in the process? Serves you right! CONFORM - or I will be back...
Katherine Grimard 1 year ago
I'm a boomer and there was a veery toxic dad at my sons second birthday. His little boy spent the party playing with the doll and stroller my son got as a gift. I still giggle when I remember that a*s hat's face and him trying to get his son to play with the trucks my son got. My son played with and slept with that baby doll for years and he is so good with children as an adult.
ILoveMySon 1 year ago
Good for you. My son liked caring for his doll and is also good with children now.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Took relatives a bit to figure out that I preferred Tonka trucks over dolls. I think they finally figured it out when they found the dolls mutilated (think Weird Barbie).
LauraDragonWench 1 year ago
I grew up in the 80s and my mom let me play with whatever toy I was interested in. Which meant that I played with TONKA trucks and Matchbox cars as well as My Little Pony and Barbie. Radical thinking back then but something I'm super grateful to her for doing.
Ashley Miller 1 year ago
I don't understand why people do that "if you're a boy you play with trucks" c**p. I'm a female and I love me some racing vehicles and monster trucks!
#3
Asking if another child of the opposite sex is their boyfriend/girlfriend.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
THIS WAS ALWAYS SO CRINGE. No we do not kiss! We kicked a damn ball around together wth??
Hey! 1 year ago
My dentist asked me that when I was 11. I told him no, and I was really confused by the question. No one at my age went out with a boy in those times, except maybe my sister.
Tamra 1 year ago
Not an appropriate question for a dentist to ask a kid, anyway.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 1 year ago
It makes kids incredibly uncomfortable with their friend suddenly. This stupid idea then gets into kids heads and they start asking it to their classmates. My daughter had a really good friend of the opposite sex. Other kids started assuming they were dating, which they were not. They both became distant and then eventually not really talking to each other. It's so sad.
Kameasha Taylor 1 year ago (edited)
My 9th grade daughter and her female best friend are both also best friends with a boy, and kids at school started talking about them saying they are having a threesome smh, and what's worst is the girl's mother called me because she has no faith in her daughter and actually believed it because that's what the other kids said!!! Sad thing is my daughter had no clue what that meant and said ohh kids asked me that at school and I told them yea we talk 3-way on the phone all the time!!
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3 Trash Pandas (She/They) 1 year ago
Never was friends with boys throughout all of elementary school. First time I had a guy friend I was actually close with my mom INSISTED I had a crush on him (I did not). Guess who knows nothing about my love life now.
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
But as humans, we must couple up. Can't go through life as a solo because that's just insane. Must couple. Can't be alone. Oh, the horror.
Lemon_squeezy 1 year ago
Not really the point here, more so why are adults asking literal children this question. It is incredibly creepy and slight premature sexualization.
Load More Replies...In fact, the tradition of asking children stupid questions goes back as far as the tradition of lisping and deliberately imitating toddlers' babbling. Well, then somehow it wasn't customary to pay as much attention to mental health as it is today, so a whole set of meaningless and allegedly 'cute' questions was formed that, like myths and legends, are passed down from generation to generation. Up until today, for sure.
#4
Asking a question and rejecting any answer the kid gives unless it's the adults own opinion.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
My mom still does this to me. I'm pretty sure she told herself long ago to disagree with anything I say. I could tell her water is wet and she'll find a way to explain it in a way that makes me wrong and her right.
Catharina Geerts 1 year ago
My father did even worse: when we siblings quarreled, he used to ask why we did that. But to every answer he said that it was no reason and asked the same question over and over again until we finally had to say "we don't know". Well, we did know, but our reasons were just not valid to him. And none would be. To him, there existed no reason for quarrelling. Hey, we were kids!
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Of course. Kids are stupid. Why listen to them? They just babble on about foolishness. There's never been an intelligent, inquisitive child in all of history. It's a miracle they make it to adulthood where intelligence is always present.
kelliewhyte_85 1 year ago
You shouldn't reject what your kids say. You should always listen to your kids.
Ashley Miller 1 year ago
Yeah but I'm a nurse so it's infection related. Like, "Do we share our make up or other people's?" NO! Skin infections are a thing! My oldest is allergic to some eye shadows too.
#5
“why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”
Hey! 1 year ago
My father thought I was a lesbian because I wasn't going out with guys while I was a teenager. When I told him I wasn't he asked why I wasn't fooling around like my older sister. Told him I would go out with someone when I was ready to marry. After that, my brothers always protected me if someone wanted to be close to me but they wouldn't my sister. LOL.
Stormblessed 1 year ago
Or cousin. Or friend. Or a kid who graduated high school at eight. Or parents. Or grandparents. Or aunts. This list goes on and on...
Pickle (they/she) 1 year ago
My mum kept asking me 'Why can't you be like your friend X? She's responsible and independent!' Maybe because you didn't let me have that independence?
Chez2202 1 year ago
In my case the answer would have been ‘because if you add their IQ’s together then double it mine is still going to be higher.’ I wouldn’t have been exaggerating by much either but I love them and even though they were never really academically inclined as I was I’m still keeping them. They are 2 of the funniest people I know. They are razor sharp and they don’t even realise how important that is.
Riche White 1 year ago
By several teachers at catholic school. Was 10 years younger than the last brother who went there. One would call me by one of their names and get mad when I wouldn't respond.
Shawna Burt 1 year ago
"Because I'm not [Name]!" Why would I want to be more like them, anyway?
#6
i’m a young teenage girl, and both my step dad and his dad tell me all the time “can I marry you?” “If you don’t find a man soon I guess I’ll have to be the man!” “Have you found a boy yet?” followed up by “If not i’m single!” the worse one was my step dad: “If your mom ever divorces me then can you marry me?”
I don’t know why they say that all the time but God is it annoying.
CascadedFalls 1 year ago
@Bear Hall, yeah, I'm sorry, but this isn't fear for the daughter, I believe this is grooming. Grooming is a definite no-no. I agree with Alex and Sunny Day.
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BarkingSpider 1 year ago
This is gross. Ask them to stop. Tell your mother to ask them to stop because it makes you uncomfortable.
SaneMinotaur 1 year ago
If my husband EVER said this to our daughter, I would divorce him. Excuse me while I vomit.
Philip Rutter 1 year ago
Maybe come up with some good response- like - "So have the cops taken your ankle bracelet off yet?" And just let it float out there...
Neb Skram 1 year ago
there is a good chance that a step dad that would say that to a child is or will be a sex offender
StrangeOne 1 year ago
One of my mom's now ex bfs admitted to me just before he moved out after they broke up "I wasn't interested in your mom. I wanted you."
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pineapple87 1 year ago
This! I really wish people talked about this more. Making comments like this or "oh, she's going to be a heartbreaker" etc is sexualising a child. It might seem like a harmless joke to an adult, but I was genuinely terrified of being forced to marry some creepy old guy when I was a kid, because I've had to listen to comments like this since I was probably three years old.
screaming chicken 1 year ago
Nah that's pedophilia. idgaf what they explain it away with- thats creepy af
Charm Hockaday 1 year ago
If it has to be explained, it's in the wrong. I second the creepy af.
Load More Replies...On the other hand, it seems that we adults sometimes simply don’t have the slightest idea what to talk about with children - especially if we are not their parents, and this is a kind of small talk. True, unlike any small talk between adults, our questions do sometimes look at least strange. To understand this, it’s enough to do one simple thing - just put yourself in the kid’s place and imagine exactly how you will answer this or that question. If you find it difficult to answer, it’s better to avoid asking.
#7
"Why wont you give me a hug?" At a family event where everyone is staring.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
In my experience "Because I don't really know you." "You smell funny." "I just want to go play with my cousins.."
Bonesko 1 year ago
All perfectly acceptable reasons. Not that you should have to state them. "No" is a complete sentence.
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Mela (qu33nwh0) 1 year ago
I had a weird uncle I didn't like. I found out later he touched my sister. My rule for my kids has always been, you don't have to hug or kiss but you do have to be respectful and say hello/goodbye/acknowledge that a person is speaking with you 😅
MotherofGuineaPigs 1 year ago
No one. and I mean none has the right to touch you without your permission. Not friends, not family, no one.
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Why don't I want you to violate my physical boundaries? Gee, maybe it's because I'm an autonomous being who should be respected.
Ashley Miller 1 year ago
It doesn't matter what age someone is, it's their body and they don't have to. Period. I'm a nurse but I'm Autistic. I have sensory issues but I will suck it up for a pediatric patient or my own kiddos.
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
"Aww she's just shy." Why do kids have to be treated as circus performers, but as the animals? "Oh, you should see what my kid can do now. It's hilarious. Go on. Show your Auntie and Uncle what you showed me."
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
Emotional abuse and manipulation, a clear lack of respect for someone's boundaries. I read someone once say when he meets new nieces, nephews, cousins, etc., he avoids hugs. He high fives the kids, and they appreciate it.
Mysteria 1 year ago
Ugh I hate my mom for this (among other reasons). Recently I’ve brought up that I think I may be autistic (which she supported luckily). I explained I don’t like being touched unless I give permission and want to be so. Literally at the end of our conversation she asked if I wanted a hug. I said no. But she had a look in her eye that made me ask if she wanted one and she said yes, so I had to hug her out of obligation…
#8
"Do you want to burn in/go to Hell?"
Philip Rutter 1 year ago
LOL. ah, the classics! "How to teach your children that your religion is all a lie..."
Steve Hall 1 year ago
If anyone had ever asked one of my children that, they wouldn't have made it to the door.
Chez2202 1 year ago
No decent human being would ever ask a child this question. Just one of the reasons that organised religion should really be classed as a crime. Any other activity based on threats, fear and misinformation is.
Happy to be a wallflower 1 year ago
There are plenty of activities that are based on what you said that aren't illegal. Also making religion illegal really sounds like trying to control public opinion and taking away people's freedom of speech. I really don't wanna be one of those people that always says stuff like that but all the anti-religion stuff on here is so gross. Yes, trying to convince a kid to go into religion without letting them choose is bad. That doesn't mean all religion is bad and it doesn't mean all religious people are bad.
Load More Replies... Guess Undheit 1 year ago
My breeders were religious fanatics. Their cult told them, "if your kids don't belong to the cult, YOU go to hell". You can imagine how manipulative and abusive they were - ESPECIALLY after finding out I had been an atheist since age 5.
MygrandsonscallmeNia 1 year ago
I'm a Christian, and I would NEVER say that to a child! Anyone that says that to a child should burn in hell! That's mental abuse!
Magenta McDonald 1 year ago
Oh they did this to me from the day I could talk. Never had a song hit so hard until i heard Charlie's inferno. Legit my biggest fear
Karen Philpott 1 year ago
I'll guide you down. Push you through the gates. Then come back knowing that one less entitled ignorant, religious nutter isn't going to Heaven. And children and others, are free of that oppression.
#9
When I got my period and they would ask “Don’t you feel like a woman?” or some c**p like that. I was 11 and not amused
UnknownFrost 1 year ago
No, ma. I don't feel like a woman. This is a period, not Shania Twain.
Bonesko 1 year ago
🎶Man, I feel like... 🎶 I'M DYING! This period stuff sucks!
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Trillian 1 year ago (edited)
Let me see: I feel grumpy, various body parts are aching, I am hugely inconvenienced and people ask me inappropriate questions. Yup, feel like a woman.
Sunny Day 1 year ago
My first period. We went to visit grandparents. My mom walks into the house and f*****g ANNOUNCES it to everybody. I understand it's a milestone, and I could see quietly telling them when I wasn't around, but to announce it to the room so they could all stare? B***h
screaming chicken 1 year ago
When I told my mom I got my first- rather than give me some bs like that, she bought me a heated blanket and some ice cream. W mom move. +5 respect.
Shawna Burt 1 year ago
Ah, yes, Baby's First Gender Dysphoria. I did NOT feel like a woman, I felt like a freak.
BarkingSpider 1 year ago
My parent said, "now we can marry you off!" She was 'kidding', but all I really wanted to know was where the pads were.
Nadine Debard 1 year ago
My mom said something like "can you imagine that in some places you could be married? Sick!"
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Upstaged75 1 year ago
I was 11 as well and my dad mortified me by saying "you're getting so grown up!". I didn't want to grow up if it meant menstruating before every other girl I knew. It was my dreaded secret for while. :)
Bryoney Blakley 1 year ago
When I was on the Depo shot, I had an older lady ask me if I felt like less of a woman because I no longer had my period. Word for word. I told her, I feel like more of a woman because I'm free to do whatever I want whenever I want without worrying about bleeding everywhere! I feel liberated.
WayoftheStarPrincess 1 year ago
I was also 11 and my mum tried to make it a positive thing and worthy of celebration. All I could think of was that I was still a child. I was an early bloomer overall and it had been hard for me to have old men commenting on my child-breasts since I was 9, getting my period on top of that freaked me out so bad. I haven't had gender dysphoria, but my child mind and "adult" body did give me a lot of trouble mental health wise well into my later teen years.
Jp@nda 1 year ago
I just want to give you a hug. All we can do is protect future girls from this and know that it wasn't our fault
Load More Replies... Philip Rutter 1 year ago
Hint: to all guys: women's and girls' periods are subjects utterly covered in land mines for ANY male, at any time. Best idea? Keep your mouth shut. :-) I know whereof I speak.
Brent Echols 1 year ago
Nah, same rules as always: if you can't say something nice/supportive, stfu. Easy.
Load More Replies...A separate category of questions comes from adults who are only superficially familiar with, for example, teens, about their emotions, physical health, or imposing their own opinions. Yes, you are an adult, you most likely have more life experience behind you - but this in no way gives you (and me too of course) any right to make value judgments and put it in the form of these 'innocent' questions. Just think back to your teenage years - and I’m almost sure that a couple of similar stories will pop up in your mind.
#10
I had pretty severe eczema as a child. Refused to wear anything but long sleeves and pants even during hot, humid New England summers because every single time I left the house, at least one grown a*s person would ask, “what’s wrong with your skin?”
My mother spent a lot of time correcting grown ups on their behavior. When she got tired of it, she let me do it myself.
Chez2202 1 year ago
I had a facial birthmark as a child and had surgeries to remove it, 6 in total, the last one at aged 15. The day after the last surgery someone asked why I had dressings on my face. Told them that I cut myself shaving. I’m a smooth skinned female.
Bettye McKee 1 year ago
Perfect answer. I've used that one myself, even if it was a band-aid on my forehead.
Load More Replies... Philip Rutter 1 year ago
I assure you, I would develop a repertoire of answers, like; with a totally straight face: "Oh, I have leprosy, you know. Particularly bad at the moment." and don't explain otherwise
PHOTOBOB 1 year ago
Highly contageous. You can get it just by staring at me.
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"Disembodied voice" 1 year ago
One of my friends as a kid was told not to play with me anymore because they'd catch my eczema :(
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
I've had eczema since I was a child, psoriasis since I was a teenager. The kids were cruel. They didn't want to play with crusty me. But the adults? Much, much worse.
Adira Bennett 1 year ago
I have very noticeable scar tissue on large portions of my body, related in part to a genetic disease that affects my skin. I've occasionally gotten unwanted questions or attempts at sympathy from women, but the men... it's just absurd. I have had men I don't even know ask me what's wrong with me, what's that scar on your chest, what happened to your arm, did it hurt, I think it's sexy, why can't you have all that fixed, are you stuck like that forever, you could've been so pretty... the audacity; the sense of entitlement, as if it's their right to stare at me and ask intrusive questions and a couple extra creepy guys have even reached out to TOUCH my skin without ANY kind of permission. Like, strangers passing me on the street. Zero context. More than once, when I've shut down some weirdo asking how I got my scars in the grocery checkout line or what have you, the weirdo in question has responded, "Sorry. I figured if you didn't like talking about your skin thing, you'd cover it up. But you're wearing a tank. I figured you knew people are gonna have questions." They're even genuinely confused sometimes, like they do not actually comprehend that I, a woman, put on a tank top shirt because it's 90 degrees outside and this shirt doesnt have any holes in it and smells fine, and I couldn't care less what random men are going to think about my body. I'm a lesbian and this is a grocery store, Ryan. Let me pay for my absurdly overpriced milk and bananas without a fuss. Damn
Jp@nda 1 year ago
Like why would they walk around with their stupid faces out if they didn't expect to get punched in them??! People can be so stupid I'm sorry you had to do go through that
Load More Replies... WA2DK 1 year ago
When I was 19, my voice was damaged after intubation. I'm 46 now, and if I had a penny for every person commenting "someone's been partying too hard", ""been to a concert?", "oh, are you sick?" and "you're voice is messed up"'s, I'd be a billionaire and could quit nurses like last month. It's frustrating how grown people can't just mind their own business.
- 1 year ago
For a shy child, it could have helped. On the other hand "she let me do it myself" implies that she set the example and gave the child the confidence to do it on their own.
Load More Replies... Ashley Miller 1 year ago
I would just give those people a nasty look while staring at them. It's rude to pull that c**p and it's none of their business.
Grace Knowlton 1 year ago
I have a port wine stain on my leg/thigh and this exact reason is why I refused to wear shorts for many years also people thought it was a rash or burn 🔥 and I got sick of explaining
#11
“Why don’t you smile more?”
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
And instead focus on being kind and helpful to others, which makes them smile voluntarily.
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StrangeOne 1 year ago
What's wrong with being just content. It's not even enough to smile. I'm expected to show my teeth or it's not considered genuine. F**k off
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Last man, a stranger mind you, that told me - told me! - to smile didn't get a smile. Instead he got a question: I asked him why his father didn't pull out.
#12
Asked by "family" most of the time: Do you really want to eat that (much)? Do you want to make me sad?
Alex Kennedy 1 year ago
Someone’s ALWAYS got a comment about kids’ body shape. Disclaimer: I grew up in the ‘70s, when kids’ bodies were certainly fair game.
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Chez2202 1 year ago
Anyone who says that you eating makes them sad is a manipulative POS and doesn’t deserve to have you call them family. They are just people you can’t ignore yet.
Hey! 1 year ago
I agree, too much or not enough - neither are acceptable.
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dan martyr 1 year ago
And everyone was surprised when they developed anorexia in their teenage years
Parriah 1 year ago
I developed pretty severe food anxiety because my parents would say “if you eat all that you’ll be sick.” Or “put some back, that’s too much.” I wasn’t even 100lbs as a teenager and they never said that to my older brother. I developed a fear of food and did throw up from anxiety, not the amount of food, which was very little because 1. I thought it could hurt me/make me sick and 2. I thought I didn’t deserve to eat like my brother and sister and parents. Side note, my dad ate 10 times more than anyone and was overweight and ate like a pig. Took me years to eat properly again.
Catharina Geerts 1 year ago (edited)
my mother sometimes asked me if I had a tapeworm (intestinal worm) when I asked for seconds (and I'm talking about the main dish, not an eventual desert)
MygrandsonscallmeNia 1 year ago
My mom was fat, and she would hardly ever let me eat what I wanted to, because she was afraid I would get fat too. No cereal like Captain crunch, no candy, etc... To this day, I don't eat much, like when I get up in the morning, I can't eat for hours, I go to work without eating. It takes almost a week to eat a box of cakes.
Shaquille Oatmeal 1 year ago
Parents to little girls: “you’re not leaving this table until you clean your plate!” Parents to teen girls: “stop eating so much piggy!”
Karen Philpott 1 year ago
You make you sad. I can't make you do anything. And why sad, for eating?
Be that as it may, I'm also absolutely sure that the tradition of asking children weird inappropriate questions will outlive us, and for a long time, and the only thing we can do to make kids more comfortable communicating with us is to simply think about whether it’s worth asking this or that question at all? And, of course, re-read the stories listed here again - perhaps this list will really benefit us.
#13
What are you going to be when you grow up? I’m 67, and I still don’t know 🤷♀️
Xandra 1 year ago
Why is this traumatizing or disrespectful? It's a conversation starter for kids, I haven't met one who didn't want to talk about that. What can be bad is the way you react when the kid gives you their answer.
BrownTabby 1 year ago (edited)
Caveat: you have to a) be fine with “I don’t know” and b) not say judgmental things about particular professions. Yes, even if the answer is “influencer”, because at the end of the day the only real harm most influencers are doing is annoying people, and it’s messed up that people are angrier about that than they are about companies exploiting workers and harming the environment.
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
This is as paralyzing as "you've got so much potential". Okay, then, where do I find a mentor to unleash this potential? Hello, anyone?
Michael Largey 1 year ago
When adults asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I learned to answer "a philanthropist".
Chez2202 1 year ago
My daughter had a careers day in nursery school. She was 3 years old. She had spent the previous day with my sister who took care of her whilst I worked and they had fish and chips for lunch. The lady who served them gave her a lollipop. So instead of wanting to be a princess like most of the other girls she said she wanted to work in the chippy.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
Alive and well, hopefully, I wish was my answer. This question sneakily implies that you're not anybody unless you can be defined as a career in some high-skilled profession. But I think some adults ask just to hear what clever, funny things kids come up with. It depends on the age of the child when asked. When it's asked to teenagers it becomes a daunting, pressurized question that you're expected to have figured out. "Where do you think you'll be in the next 5 years? How about 10 years? You should be able to buy a house by then."
#14
"Are you a boy or a girl?" leave them the f**k alone
Leigh 1 year ago
I hate when I get asked that. I had two people argue about my gender identity right in front of me!
Bonesko 1 year ago
I can't think of any social interaction more awkward than that! That sucks Leigh
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walkabout 1 year ago
Halloween '23. A early teen boy comes to the porch with 3 slightly youngers. I said something about nobody seems to like the Almond Joys, which I buy because they're my son's favs. The teen, in boy's clothing says, "I like AJs" I say, "Give the man a handful." A smile spreads across his face as I begin to note the feminine characteristics. He was born a she. And I made his day.
george lilly 1 year ago
Maybe that genuinely can't tell and want to use your perferd pronouns. Not everything is malicious
Load More Replies... Stormblessed 1 year ago
I looked and acted like a boy when I was 2-3. I had short hair (my parents never cut it, it was just short) and played with trains and cars. Had many people go up to me and my parents/grandparents saying, "Aww, are they a girl or boy?" and when they get the answer, "...but she looks like a boy. You shouldn't cut her hair that much. LeT hEr EMbrAcE heR GenDeR." (only like 3 people said that, but still)
Charlotte 1 year ago
Liked blue and had short hair because it was very fine and looked awful long. People assumed 6 year old me was a boy. I didn’t care but my mom would get bent right out of shape
Load More Replies... Guess Undheit 1 year ago
My first statement to a kid/student I don't know (usually this will be in front of their parents) is, "Hello, good person." Try saying that next time, let the kid tell you who they are.
screaming chicken 1 year ago
I once had two grown-a*s adults argue about if I was a boy or a girl because I was wearing overalls. These people were like 25 and not talking to me but talking within earshot. I was a girl, very fem presenting. Long hair, I was starting to develop in the chest area, fvckin pink shirt, but Oh nO OveraLLs WhAt iS thAT cHIlD I guEss wE mUsT ArgUe LouDlY AbOuT It iN pUbLic
Pickle (they/she) 1 year ago
My mum asks me this whenever I do anything 'unladylike' (I'm AFAB) What the héll does sitting have to do with gender? Jeez.
Christine Rios 1 year ago
if they don't ask, they assume based on their often incorrect preconceived notions.
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#15
"Do you still believe in Santa?"
All you're doing is making them question Santa.
LooneyMoons 1 year ago
This Christmas, while waiting for the presents to arrive, my little one (almost 3) all of a sudden told me she's scared of Santa. Earlier that day my mom&aunt had been telling us all that when they were children it was baby Jesus who brought presents, so I told my little one that if she doesn't like Santa, we would have baby Jesus bring the presents (we're not religious, it was simply the first thing that came to mind.) She somehow misheard it, so now it's baby Jeany (or Geney? Not sure) who delivers presents.
Susan 1 year ago
When my kids got old enough not to believe anymore I explained that "Santa Claus" is the spirit of Christmas and is what makes us feel the special type of happiness at that time of year and makes us want to do more and give more to others. I said that "Santa's spirit" works through us parents to give them gifts. Now that my kids are older they have told me how much they love that concept and they want to be the Santa for others. I think if you try to trick them or make it out like your were lying then it will be a negative perception as the get older. It's all about how you present it.
Lene 1 year ago
In this house I insist on making nisser and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy as real to my kids as possible. Our nisser are active all year and are friends with the Easter bunny and tooth fairy and we get little notes and letters from all of them. It's easy and not time consuming at all, actually. It's a really nice thing and I hope it helps my kids to hang on to the daily fantasies they have.
Panzer Wolf Studios 1 year ago
As a father of six little girls, I don't ask if they believe in Santa, I just a ask every year what they are asking Santa for. This past Christmas, one of my 10 year olds told me she didn't believe in him anymore, while she still allowed her 13 year old sister to continue believing.
shuebox shuebox 1 year ago
We never did Santa. Not out of any malicious intent, but my girls have autism. They found the very idea of someone creeping into our house at night and eating our food terrifying. LOL. The fact that Santa had "claws (Claus) didn't help.
Nick (He/Him) 1 year ago
I like to present them with occams razor. Is it more likely that santa is real, or that millions of adults are lying?
#16
When I had my second baby, heaps of people asked my eldest (2) "Do you like your new baby brother?"
Apart from everything else, it's irrelevant. Like, we're definitely keeping this baby either way..
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
Yeah let me just go get a refund on this child if the eldest doesn't like them.
Mela (qu33nwh0) 1 year ago
I think my family asked my son "How do you feel about your new little brother?" So open ended, gave him the ability to share what his little mind could at that moment, that he loved him with all his heart!
Upstaged75 1 year ago
Mine asked when his little brother was going to be done visiting and leave. LOL, I have bad news for you pal...
Brandon Walker 1 year ago
How is this a bad question? Is it wrong to be interested in peoples feelings now? Even if you aren't going to be able to fix the situation, talking about it isn't inherently bad, some of these are incredibly stupid
#17
"Can I go to the bathroom please?"
"I don't know, can you?"
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago (edited)
I could hike my leg anywhere I guess, but I'm being polite. The choice is yours, can I go to the bathroom or not?
Bina Wei 1 year ago
The fact you have this user makes your comment hilarious
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Philip Rutter 1 year ago
It USED to be a universally recognized bit of strict "grammar". The correct word is "May I?", and there are paragraphs of specific adjectives that apply to "may", that do NOT apply to "can", which is a different metal container of worms altogether. You all KNOW this- except that today; probably this isn't event taught anymore- the language has moved on. Fossil bits will remain for a while.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Our English teacher explained this when someone would ask "Can I open the window?" She always used to reply "Well, only you know if you can, but I am saying you may". It was a useful lesson when I started learning about modal verbs in German a few years later!
Load More Replies... BrownTabby 1 year ago (edited)
Y’all bïtch nonstop about minor annoyances; you can handle a kid expressing their annoyance about something.
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Sina 1 year ago
It's a bit of an annoying way to teach kids proper grammar, and if the conversation stopped there, then nothing was learned tbh. "Can" implies capability, while "May" implies permission. But this nuance has long been lost in casual conversation. Personally, I don't remember being taught that when learning english when I was a kid. I might have, but I don't remember ever being corrected when I asked permission with "can I". The epiphany hit me at age 30 or so, when I started learning swedish. The two languages are very closely related both in grammar and vocabulary (to an extend), and our teacher made sure to hammer in the distinction between "kan" and "får" which is literally the same thing. Kan implies capability, that you can indeed do something, while får is asking permission. And when I was learning that I had a "mind blown" moment where I realized that it's the same in english, but I never really noticed before XD
Mystery Egg 1 year ago
This one is just pointing out bad English though. “May I go to the bathroom” not “can I”
BrownTabby 1 year ago
Because it’s annoying, and kids have as much right to be annoyed as anyone else.
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Populus tremuloides(they/them) 1 year ago
I used to hold it for 9 hours because of this cràp. One time I was training for a 150 mile bicycle race in middle school and I was supposed to drink a gallon of water a day and I was still too afraid to ask to use the bathroom.
Tiffany R 1 year ago
It's because no one actually teaches anymore. Just like you displaying "they" as part of your username. The only pronouns you should hear are 2nd person ones(you, one, we) when present, only name and noun to reference you when not talking to you. When not present, then a person can be addressed by pronouns "one" or differentiated to "he" or "she". "They" is plural, or for the vulgar illiterates.
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John Smith (he/him/xy/️) 1 year ago
I can also p**s in your shoes if that makes you happy, now can you stop pretending to be funny?
StrangeOne 1 year ago
That's such a terrible reply when the teacher has mentioned no leaving the classroom. So condescending.
#18
Do you have a boyfriend?
EmBree 1 year ago
This was the first thing the pedo who groomed me as a kid asked. Today I turn into a raging demon when I hear someone ask a kid that.
Bina Wei 1 year ago
As you should. Although if innocent I hope you just inform them how inappropriate it is.
Load More Replies... FaceTime Audio 1 year ago
The only person I allow this from is a very old family member who has dementia.
Cyber 1 year ago
I get asked this routinely by my extended family.... I GO TO AN ALL-GIRLS SCHOOL
Bina Wei 1 year ago
?? Where do they think you're gonna meet the boys, at an non existent internship?
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Philip Rutter 1 year ago
You are NEVER going to make progress on this one; or some others here. Obnoxious? Sure! Going away? When the House of Representatives freezes-
#19
I saw a reporter ask a 13 year old if he wanted to go to the olympics. He straight up told her that the junior nationals and junior worlds were more realistic goals right now. What a solid head that kid has.
Justin Smith 1 year ago
Right? Its asking if they want to be good enough to compete there one day.
Load More Replies... Happy to be a wallflower 1 year ago
The only way I can see this as being an inappropriate question is if the kid got stressed thinking about it or if he already said he wasn't interested
Sammy Kittyboi 1 year ago
This isn't really inappropriate but as a teen athlete it is annoying!
Sammy Kittyboi 1 year ago
This isn't really inappropriate but as a teen athlete this gets really annoying!
#20
anything that relates to the kid having a child when they grow up.
had this from my family growing up and it’s probably not a huge thing but asking a young girl if she’s going to have babies when she grows up is so (for lack of a better word) jarring. has made me want to practice abstinence 😐
MotherRobinson 1 year ago
Told my daughters it was their choice if they wanted to have kids or not.
DeathBeforeDecaf 1 year ago
I have four kids. I make it very clear to my children that they don't have to get married or have kids if they don't want to. Just because I am happily married and love being a mom doesn't mean they have to do what I did.
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KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
My family at a bbq bringing the inappropriate questions about why I am child free and pushing issue until they learnt that I had ectopic miscarriage that ended the chances. Yeah, stop asking questions you might not want answers to. It's nobody's business why someone has not had/want children.
What even is this 1 year ago
My sister and I were never asked *if* we were always asked *when* We were 12 years old and getting asked by family when we were going to have kids... neither of us want children lol
Pursuing Peonies 1 year ago
Asking them if they want to is like asking them what they want to do when they grow up. You have to be prepared for an answer "you don't like" (for those adults who think they need to plan out their child's life, which is really weird to me) AND for that answer to change. Give them to opportunities to do well, but don't push. Also, make sure they know all their options (not just the ones "you" want them to make, again, why do people plan their kids lives for them?)
Catharina Geerts 1 year ago (edited)
When I was about 11, I told my mom I didn't want to have kids, and she said: but your husband will want them. I said, ok, then I will never get married. Her reaction: those who say that, are going to get married the soonest. Well... I'm 71 now, no kids, happy single. Anyone thinks that will change yet? :D
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
Let them feed/change diapers on their dolls if they want to. Save that for at least their 20s
Sara Anderson 1 year ago
My 8 year old seriously asked if she had to have a kid when she grows up. I said no, but I would love it if you did someday. She said she doesn't want to have kids. I guess we'll see if her opinion changes or stays the same as she grows up.
Pandroid Rebellion 1 year ago (edited)
Ugh. Then it became "Do you want kids? Do you have kids? Are going to? Why didn't you?" It is more the judgement attached than the question itself. Speaking as a child free 50 year old adult, not a young girl. The follow up of "Must be nice to do whatever you want" is infinitely more irritating though. My mother became severely disabled and caring for her is one of the reasons I didn't have kids. "Doing whatever I want" is definitely not what is happening here, but thanks for playing, dumbass.
Philip Rutter 1 year ago
Realize - this did not used to be the case. Standard childhood was for a girl to have "doll BABIES", and "play Mommy" with them. Deeply embedded in the culture; automatic all around. Not so today; to be sure- but - fossils are out there.
Ashleigh Alfred 1 year ago
I never wanted kids, and still don't. I'm 40 and have had a hysterectomy so it's literally impossible. But growing up I got asked that a lot, and when I said no it was always "you'll change your mind when you get older", "don't you want to give your mom grandchildren?" or "why not? Kids are a blessing." Yeah, Karen, maybe to you, but to me it would be a life changing burden I don't want. Now, I don't think asking someone if they want/have kids is rude initially because when we first meet some, we're looking to get to know them and find common ground. The part that is rude is all the follow up questions, instead of just accepting their answer. That being said, if the person is not an adult, we shouldn't be putting the worries of parenthood in their minds anyway. Let them be kids. Guide them in how to be safe but don't put pressure on them.
#21
Parents that have broken up and use the child as a middleman to pass messages and get sneak peek into what’s going on in their ex life.
I define children as those who are under 12 years old.
Justin Smith 1 year ago
Dislike this one because anyone using their child (no matter the age) as a middle man for their squabble is an a*****e.
Irish Lassie 1 year ago
I’ve never said a bad word about my ex husband to my daughter (Lord knows I could have ie. drug dealer, user, bully) until after she turned 18. I grew up with an alcoholic father and knew that he was the only father I’d ever have and none of us is perfect. She just watched & listened and drew her own conclusions. Blocked him from her life for a while but they’re on decent terms now.
MotherofGuineaPigs 1 year ago
Along with bad mouthing the other parent in front of the kids. I had this written into our divorce decree. Mainly to stop my mother from doing so in front of them.
pineapple87 1 year ago
Doesn't matter how old the child is. Also asking the child to hide things or keep secrets from the other parent is no better. I'm currently in therapy trying to figure out how to let other people in because all I learned at home was to lie and hide things from those closest to me.
Populus tremuloides(they/them) 1 year ago
My parents only do this now that my brother and I are older teenagers. When they split up they got me a book about divorce and I shut that down exactly how the book said to. My dad was not happy.
Bloobee bloobee bloo bloo bloo 1 year ago
She shouldn’t matter when it comes to this. At any age it’s inappropriate to have their kid do the dirty work with the other parent. I used to have a friend who had a dead beat “baby daddy”. She always had the kid call her dad to try to guilt him into paying his child support or whatever else they wanted money for. You could see the heartbreak on her face every time she ended the phone call
#22
Will you take care of us when we get old
Mela (qu33nwh0) 1 year ago
My parents never asked me this, I never felt pressure, but you bet your a*s if they get sick I'd be there!
WindySwede 1 year ago
If you are a good parent and live in a country that has decent health care, then you would your kids *not* to take care of you. Come visit and help with things, sure, but not the taking care of. That is a burden on the kids,mentally, physically, economically.
MotherRobinson 1 year ago
I always tell me kids I didn't raise them to take care of us when we get old, we are raising them to be capable, responsible, independent adults. My children are not our retirement plan. I wouldnt dream of burdening them like that, it would just be thier choice to care for us.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Nope! Not my responsibility. You chose to bring me into the world, which means I owe you nothing. I strongly recommend starting a retirement account.
#23
“Can you keep a secret?” Doesn’t matter what the secret is, that’s so confusing and puts a ton of pressure on the kid
Hey! 1 year ago
My husband and I told our children that if anyone would say that to them we wanted to know the secret and they could tell that person that they would, in fact, tell us.
Shawna Burt 1 year ago
Depends on the secret. But kids, if it gives you an icky feeling in your tummy and makes you feel wrong, it's a bad secret, and you need to tell a trusted adult.
Trillian 1 year ago
This. There are a lot of sweet little "secrets". My grandma would always call us over and then slip some money into our hands, that was our "secret".
Load More Replies... Mela (qu33nwh0) 1 year ago
My kids learn through school that there are "safe secrets" like the password to the computer, and "unsafe secrets" like the ones we don't want our kids keeping from us but with much simpler examples. Love it! At home we don't have secrets, when it's time to keep a gift "secret" from the other sibling it's always been described as a "surprise"
Pandroid Rebellion 1 year ago
The only secrets that should be kept with a child are secrets that are going to be revealed. Like Daddy having kiddo help pick out a present for Mommy and keeping the secret of what it is until she gets it. Or a 12 yr old getting Dad out of the house so Mom can set up a surprise party....anyone keeping a REAL secret with a kid is a fricking weirdo. What are you doing? That is a child. Get a friend and stop being creepy.
screaming chicken 1 year ago
ONLY OKAY WHEN TALKING ABOUT BIRTHDAYS, MOTHERS/FATHERS DAYS, OR GIFT-GIVING HOLIDAYS. OR SOME OTHER SHORT-TERM HARMLESS SURPRISE.
Dani 1 year ago
I tell my kids that secrets are bad, but surprises can be good, it's OK to keep a surprise from someone but not a secret and that if any grown up asks them to keep a secret they should tell an adult they trust straight away, and give examples of other adults in their lives they might talk to if they'd rather not talk to me.
Jacob Bissey 1 year ago
I never got that from adults, but my answer when other kids asked (and is still my response to anyone now that I'm an adult) is a long the lines of "depends what the secret is, if I think it is dangerous, I'm getting help, if it's something innocuous then I won't volunteer the information, but I won't lie for you if someone directly asks me about it" and then if they press about the whole "won't lie for you" thing I remind them phrases like "that's none of your/my business" and "you should really ask X about that" aren't lies. I'm also a big fan of confirming I know the answer to the question but won't betray my friend's confidence if pressed "that's not my secret to tell".
Helen Taylor 1 year ago
Unfortunately, the question can be associated with sexual abuse. But, do you want to see what I got mommy for her birthday? It's probably OK
Wondering Alice 1 year ago
I tell children its wrong for adults to ask them to keep secrets. If an adult in thier family asks, run it by a teacher. If a teacher asks you, definitely tell your parents. I also talk to them about me keeping thier secrets. I won't. But i will agree with them who I will share information with (like its ok if they dont want me to tell a certain teacher something, but for safeguarding i will tell somebody)
#24
If there's family dysfunction & a kid is going through a rough emotional period with moments of lashing out: "Do you really want to be like your mom/dad when you're older?"
MADELINE JONES 1 year ago
This is absolutely ridiculous. My friends divorced because they were no longer in love but they are still best friends to this day.
randall brown 1 year ago
So there is one, most don't get there fore years.
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#25
Do you love your mother or father?
Ace 1 year ago
The answer, of course, should be Yes. But in my day it wasn't something that would ever be said.
Hey! 1 year ago
I've never heard anyone ask that question. Dangerous territory.
Load More Replies... Stormblessed 1 year ago
Or, who do you love more; your mother or father? Stupidest question ever, especially as a kid who doesn't like to offend others but feels compelled to answer a question directly.
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
The question is, do you like them. Love blinds us, but if you like your family, then you are very fortunate.
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
The breeders were physical abusers. Asking that "question" was emotional abuse too.
Paul Pienkowski 1 year ago
I feel this is innocent. Obviously I love my mom very much and will happily tell anyone who asks or listens. Mom is the greatest person ever. My dad was abusive. Hitting and CSA.
#26
Hi kids, do you like violence?
Julia Sugarbaker 1 year ago
Who is asking children this ridiculous question? I've never heard an adult ask a child this question.
#27
On the rocks or neat?
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
It's always a struggle to put ice in anything at my establishment. That crunch noise of getting ice out of the ice maker makes GoodBoi and the toddler teleport to the kitchen lol
Charlee C. 1 year ago
Ya this is a legit question. I get that it's typical in the alcohol realm but doesn't have to be.
#28
Do you like movies about gladiators?
Cindy Lohr 1 year ago
It's from a very memorable scene from the comedy movie Airplane. A sketchy pilot keeps asking a series of inappropriate (when put together) questions to a little boy.
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Sara Burnett 1 year ago
"do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
Shi 1 year ago
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... Alias Fakename 1 year ago
I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
WonderWoman 1 year ago
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
Sara Burnett 1 year ago
"do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
Shi 1 year ago
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... Alias Fakename 1 year ago
I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
WonderWoman 1 year ago
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
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