When I was a preschooler, the top 2 questions that various adults asked me were always “What do you want to become when you grow up?” (well, yes, a 3 Y.O. kid makes some Napoleonic plans...) and “Who do you love more, dad or mom?” (great, then why not ask which lung is more comfortable for me to breathe with?)
Decades have passed - and we, adults, still continue to ask children, our own and others', questions of varying degrees of stupidity and inappropriateness, without even realizing that we're unwittingly traumatizing them. So here are almost three dozen similar stories, collected by Bored Panda from this viral thread in the AskReddit community.
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Asking a teenage girl if she's on her period any time she shows any emotion
“Why are you playing with [gender specific toy]? That’s for boys/girls.”
Asking if another child of the opposite sex is their boyfriend/girlfriend.
In fact, the tradition of asking children stupid questions goes back as far as the tradition of lisping and deliberately imitating toddlers' babbling. Well, then somehow it wasn't customary to pay as much attention to mental health as it is today, so a whole set of meaningless and allegedly 'cute' questions was formed that, like myths and legends, are passed down from generation to generation. Up until today, for sure.
Asking a question and rejecting any answer the kid gives unless it's the adults own opinion.
“why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”
i’m a young teenage girl, and both my step dad and his dad tell me all the time “can I marry you?” “If you don’t find a man soon I guess I’ll have to be the man!” “Have you found a boy yet?” followed up by “If not i’m single!” the worse one was my step dad: “If your mom ever divorces me then can you marry me?”
I don’t know why they say that all the time but God is it annoying.
On the other hand, it seems that we adults sometimes simply don’t have the slightest idea what to talk about with children - especially if we are not their parents, and this is a kind of small talk. True, unlike any small talk between adults, our questions do sometimes look at least strange. To understand this, it’s enough to do one simple thing - just put yourself in the kid’s place and imagine exactly how you will answer this or that question. If you find it difficult to answer, it’s better to avoid asking.
"Why wont you give me a hug?" At a family event where everyone is staring.
In my experience "Because I don't really know you." "You smell funny." "I just want to go play with my cousins.."
When I got my period and they would ask “Don’t you feel like a woman?” or some c**p like that. I was 11 and not amused
No, ma. I don't feel like a woman. This is a period, not Shania Twain.
A separate category of questions comes from adults who are only superficially familiar with, for example, teens, about their emotions, physical health, or imposing their own opinions. Yes, you are an adult, you most likely have more life experience behind you - but this in no way gives you (and me too of course) any right to make value judgments and put it in the form of these 'innocent' questions. Just think back to your teenage years - and I’m almost sure that a couple of similar stories will pop up in your mind.
I had pretty severe eczema as a child. Refused to wear anything but long sleeves and pants even during hot, humid New England summers because every single time I left the house, at least one grown a*s person would ask, “what’s wrong with your skin?”
My mother spent a lot of time correcting grown ups on their behavior. When she got tired of it, she let me do it myself.
Asked by "family" most of the time: Do you really want to eat that (much)? Do you want to make me sad?
Be that as it may, I'm also absolutely sure that the tradition of asking children weird inappropriate questions will outlive us, and for a long time, and the only thing we can do to make kids more comfortable communicating with us is to simply think about whether it’s worth asking this or that question at all? And, of course, re-read the stories listed here again - perhaps this list will really benefit us.
What are you going to be when you grow up? I’m 67, and I still don’t know 🤷♀️
"Do you still believe in Santa?"
All you're doing is making them question Santa.
What do you mean 'believe'? Magic Giraffe is real! Isn't it? 🥺
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This Christmas, while waiting for the presents to arrive, my little one (almost 3) all of a sudden told me she's scared of Santa. Earlier that day my mom&aunt had been telling us all that when they were children it was baby Jesus who brought presents, so I told my little one that if she doesn't like Santa, we would have baby Jesus bring the presents (we're not religious, it was simply the first thing that came to mind.) She somehow misheard it, so now it's baby Jeany (or Geney? Not sure) who delivers presents.
When my kids got old enough not to believe anymore I explained that "Santa Claus" is the spirit of Christmas and is what makes us feel the special type of happiness at that time of year and makes us want to do more and give more to others. I said that "Santa's spirit" works through us parents to give them gifts. Now that my kids are older they have told me how much they love that concept and they want to be the Santa for others. I think if you try to trick them or make it out like your were lying then it will be a negative perception as the get older. It's all about how you present it.
In this house I insist on making nisser and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy as real to my kids as possible. Our nisser are active all year and are friends with the Easter bunny and tooth fairy and we get little notes and letters from all of them. It's easy and not time consuming at all, actually. It's a really nice thing and I hope it helps my kids to hang on to the daily fantasies they have.
My parents told me there was a tooth fairy when I was a kid. Once I found out that they had lied to me, I was less likely to trust them afterwards. Why do parents think it's cute to make a kid believe in something they don't believe themselves?
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As a father of six little girls, I don't ask if they believe in Santa, I just a ask every year what they are asking Santa for. This past Christmas, one of my 10 year olds told me she didn't believe in him anymore, while she still allowed her 13 year old sister to continue believing.
We never did Santa. Not out of any malicious intent, but my girls have autism. They found the very idea of someone creeping into our house at night and eating our food terrifying. LOL. The fact that Santa had "claws (Claus) didn't help.
"Do you still believe Uncle Fred is faithful to you, Aunt Millie?"
I like to present them with occams razor. Is it more likely that santa is real, or that millions of adults are lying?
Yes. He never visits though, I eat the cookies that are set out for him before he can get there...
You little bastard, no wonder he lets the reindeer poop on the roof!!! And you thought it was the sound of snow falling?? 😠😠😠
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They should be questioning Santa. Why have we collectively decided not only is it acceptable necessary to gaslight every child in the nation. The Santa tradition is both recent and really messed up
Santa may be recent but believing in unseen entities that can bring gifts is as old as humanity
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My daughter had figured out early on the mall Santas are just "strangers in a suit" (how she said it was so darn cute, too.) We still kept the magic of Santa alive until she figured out the rest on her own. Like, we live in an apartment without a chimney. How is he able to get in our home? The more I think about it, the more I ask why this Santa thing is so important for kids to believe in until they're older kids. Why lie to them?
As the oldest sibling, I learned the truth real young since I was roped into being one of the elves helping my parents choose gifts for my younger siblings.
Never understood why parents would not claim to be the giver of the gifts.
Yeah no one should trick a kid into believing something that's a complete fabrication. It bugged me when I was a kid, and it bugs me if I see people doing it now. Questioning falsehoods like that is a valuable critical thinking skill that even kids can benefit from having.
When I had my second baby, heaps of people asked my eldest (2) "Do you like your new baby brother?"
Apart from everything else, it's irrelevant. Like, we're definitely keeping this baby either way..
Yeah let me just go get a refund on this child if the eldest doesn't like them.
"Can I go to the bathroom please?"
"I don't know, can you?"
I could hike my leg anywhere I guess, but I'm being polite. The choice is yours, can I go to the bathroom or not?
I saw a reporter ask a 13 year old if he wanted to go to the olympics. He straight up told her that the junior nationals and junior worlds were more realistic goals right now. What a solid head that kid has.
anything that relates to the kid having a child when they grow up.
had this from my family growing up and it’s probably not a huge thing but asking a young girl if she’s going to have babies when she grows up is so (for lack of a better word) jarring. has made me want to practice abstinence 😐
Told my daughters it was their choice if they wanted to have kids or not.
Parents that have broken up and use the child as a middleman to pass messages and get sneak peek into what’s going on in their ex life.
I define children as those who are under 12 years old.
Dislike this one because anyone using their child (no matter the age) as a middle man for their squabble is an a*****e.
Will you take care of us when we get old
“Can you keep a secret?” Doesn’t matter what the secret is, that’s so confusing and puts a ton of pressure on the kid
If there's family dysfunction & a kid is going through a rough emotional period with moments of lashing out: "Do you really want to be like your mom/dad when you're older?"
This is absolutely ridiculous. My friends divorced because they were no longer in love but they are still best friends to this day.
Hi kids, do you like violence?
Wanna see me stick nine-inch nails through each one of my eyelids?
On the rocks or neat?
It's always a struggle to put ice in anything at my establishment. That crunch noise of getting ice out of the ice maker makes GoodBoi and the toddler teleport to the kitchen lol
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"do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
I think it's helpful, so that adults can recognize the things that aren't appropriate to ask kids.
Load More Replies... "do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
I think it's helpful, so that adults can recognize the things that aren't appropriate to ask kids.
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