When I was a preschooler, the top 2 questions that various adults asked me were always “What do you want to become when you grow up?” (well, yes, a 3 Y.O. kid makes some Napoleonic plans...) and “Who do you love more, dad or mom?” (great, then why not ask which lung is more comfortable for me to breathe with?)
Decades have passed - and we, adults, still continue to ask children, our own and others', questions of varying degrees of stupidity and inappropriateness, without even realizing that we're unwittingly traumatizing them. So here are almost three dozen similar stories, collected by Bored Panda from this viral thread in the AskReddit community.
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Asking a teenage girl if she's on her period any time she shows any emotion
“Why are you playing with [gender specific toy]? That’s for boys/girls.”
Asking if another child of the opposite sex is their boyfriend/girlfriend.
THIS WAS ALWAYS SO CRINGE. No we do not kiss! We kicked a damn ball around together wth??
My dentist asked me that when I was 11. I told him no, and I was really confused by the question. No one at my age went out with a boy in those times, except maybe my sister.
Not an appropriate question for a dentist to ask a kid, anyway.
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It makes kids incredibly uncomfortable with their friend suddenly. This stupid idea then gets into kids heads and they start asking it to their classmates. My daughter had a really good friend of the opposite sex. Other kids started assuming they were dating, which they were not. They both became distant and then eventually not really talking to each other. It's so sad.
My 9th grade daughter and her female best friend are both also best friends with a boy, and kids at school started talking about them saying they are having a threesome smh, and what's worst is the girl's mother called me because she has no faith in her daughter and actually believed it because that's what the other kids said!!! Sad thing is my daughter had no clue what that meant and said ohh kids asked me that at school and I told them yea we talk 3-way on the phone all the time!!
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Never was friends with boys throughout all of elementary school. First time I had a guy friend I was actually close with my mom INSISTED I had a crush on him (I did not). Guess who knows nothing about my love life now.
But as humans, we must couple up. Can't go through life as a solo because that's just insane. Must couple. Can't be alone. Oh, the horror.
Not really the point here, more so why are adults asking literal children this question. It is incredibly creepy and slight premature sexualization.
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Oh I hate this. Not just for children but they still do it for adults. I'm Ace/Aro spectrum and I remember not knowing why I hated it as a kid. Now I do know (for more than just sexuality reasons) but people still think it's fun to ask because people still think the opposite sex can't be friends.
Never assume a child's sexuality. If they haven't told you, then you're the problem.
I feel like this question is creepy to ask a child, regardless of their sexuality. The point is that you have no business asking literal children this, as it is quite legitimately premature sexualization.
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Yeah when my mom did this I would do it back. Took until 5th grade for that to get old quick.
Ugh, my husband has done this with our son a few times and I always I say that he can have friends who are girls that aren't "girlfriends." My husband is wonderful so don't get the wrong idea about him!
I do that to my daughter. But I do it if they're a boy, girl, cat, dog, horse, pig...
Sure, sexualize infants. What can go wrong... And women are worse than men in doing this
So the parents can start grooming early and have a wonderful tranny party!
Idk where you got this, the only people in my life who I ever observed doing s**t like this were Christians I get you wanna be transphobic but at least be logical (an oxymoron, I know) Even in popular media the trope of this action is always applied to cis het parents talking to their kids. It is grooming, but what you fail to realize is that straight, cis people, are capable of grooming
Load More Replies...In fact, the tradition of asking children stupid questions goes back as far as the tradition of lisping and deliberately imitating toddlers' babbling. Well, then somehow it wasn't customary to pay as much attention to mental health as it is today, so a whole set of meaningless and allegedly 'cute' questions was formed that, like myths and legends, are passed down from generation to generation. Up until today, for sure.
Asking a question and rejecting any answer the kid gives unless it's the adults own opinion.
“why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”
i’m a young teenage girl, and both my step dad and his dad tell me all the time “can I marry you?” “If you don’t find a man soon I guess I’ll have to be the man!” “Have you found a boy yet?” followed up by “If not i’m single!” the worse one was my step dad: “If your mom ever divorces me then can you marry me?”
I don’t know why they say that all the time but God is it annoying.
On the other hand, it seems that we adults sometimes simply don’t have the slightest idea what to talk about with children - especially if we are not their parents, and this is a kind of small talk. True, unlike any small talk between adults, our questions do sometimes look at least strange. To understand this, it’s enough to do one simple thing - just put yourself in the kid’s place and imagine exactly how you will answer this or that question. If you find it difficult to answer, it’s better to avoid asking.
"Why wont you give me a hug?" At a family event where everyone is staring.
In my experience "Because I don't really know you." "You smell funny." "I just want to go play with my cousins.."
When I got my period and they would ask “Don’t you feel like a woman?” or some c**p like that. I was 11 and not amused
No, ma. I don't feel like a woman. This is a period, not Shania Twain.
A separate category of questions comes from adults who are only superficially familiar with, for example, teens, about their emotions, physical health, or imposing their own opinions. Yes, you are an adult, you most likely have more life experience behind you - but this in no way gives you (and me too of course) any right to make value judgments and put it in the form of these 'innocent' questions. Just think back to your teenage years - and I’m almost sure that a couple of similar stories will pop up in your mind.
I had pretty severe eczema as a child. Refused to wear anything but long sleeves and pants even during hot, humid New England summers because every single time I left the house, at least one grown a*s person would ask, “what’s wrong with your skin?”
My mother spent a lot of time correcting grown ups on their behavior. When she got tired of it, she let me do it myself.
Asked by "family" most of the time: Do you really want to eat that (much)? Do you want to make me sad?
Be that as it may, I'm also absolutely sure that the tradition of asking children weird inappropriate questions will outlive us, and for a long time, and the only thing we can do to make kids more comfortable communicating with us is to simply think about whether it’s worth asking this or that question at all? And, of course, re-read the stories listed here again - perhaps this list will really benefit us.
What are you going to be when you grow up? I’m 67, and I still don’t know 🤷♀️
"Do you still believe in Santa?"
All you're doing is making them question Santa.
When I had my second baby, heaps of people asked my eldest (2) "Do you like your new baby brother?"
Apart from everything else, it's irrelevant. Like, we're definitely keeping this baby either way..
Yeah let me just go get a refund on this child if the eldest doesn't like them.
"Can I go to the bathroom please?"
"I don't know, can you?"
I could hike my leg anywhere I guess, but I'm being polite. The choice is yours, can I go to the bathroom or not?
I saw a reporter ask a 13 year old if he wanted to go to the olympics. He straight up told her that the junior nationals and junior worlds were more realistic goals right now. What a solid head that kid has.
anything that relates to the kid having a child when they grow up.
had this from my family growing up and it’s probably not a huge thing but asking a young girl if she’s going to have babies when she grows up is so (for lack of a better word) jarring. has made me want to practice abstinence 😐
Told my daughters it was their choice if they wanted to have kids or not.
Parents that have broken up and use the child as a middleman to pass messages and get sneak peek into what’s going on in their ex life.
I define children as those who are under 12 years old.
Dislike this one because anyone using their child (no matter the age) as a middle man for their squabble is an a*****e.
Will you take care of us when we get old
“Can you keep a secret?” Doesn’t matter what the secret is, that’s so confusing and puts a ton of pressure on the kid
If there's family dysfunction & a kid is going through a rough emotional period with moments of lashing out: "Do you really want to be like your mom/dad when you're older?"
This is absolutely ridiculous. My friends divorced because they were no longer in love but they are still best friends to this day.
Hi kids, do you like violence?
Wanna see me stick nine-inch nails through each one of my eyelids?
On the rocks or neat?
It's always a struggle to put ice in anything at my establishment. That crunch noise of getting ice out of the ice maker makes GoodBoi and the toddler teleport to the kitchen lol
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"do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
I think it's helpful, so that adults can recognize the things that aren't appropriate to ask kids.
Load More Replies... "do you like movies about gladiators?" Nobody has ever asked that question.
It's a refrence from the movie Airplane. Super inappropriate in the movie, but, I don't understand why it made this list because in terms in real life you're totally right that no one asked that question and if they have it was likely not inappropriate.
Load More Replies... I was homeschooled, I always got asked (or my parents got asked) how "socialization" works. 🤨
Asking little boys if they are the "man of the house" when the father is out/gone.
I think it's helpful, so that adults can recognize the things that aren't appropriate to ask kids.
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