Man Demands Wife Stop Breastfeeding Their Baby In Front Of His Mates, Is Told To ‘Shut Up’
Depending on where you are, breastfeeding is a sensitive subject, but the one place a young mother should feel safe and comfortable is her own home. So being told to not do it even in one’s own house by their partner might be cause for concern.
A woman asked the internet for advice after she had an argument with her husband over breastfeeding in front of his friends. Readers debated his demands and gave OP some suggestions. Bored Panda reached out to OP via Reddit and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Some folks might be uncomfortable with seeing a woman breastfeed
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)
But regardless of opinions, she should be able to do it in her own home
Image credits: Yan Krukau / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Illustrator_4734
The husband seems very controlling
As extreme as it might sound, the husband’s behavior here veers into controlling territory very quickly. After all, the child needs to be fed and OP is literally in her own home. Where else would she breastfeed the baby? The husband’s concern, interestingly, doesn’t seem to be based on anything but some externalized insecurities.
Controlling behavior, after all, is a pretty big red flag, something that should be avoided. Unfortunately, manipulators are often good at hiding or masking this behavior until the other person has “locked into” the relationship.
After all, based on OP’s statements, the friends did not seem bothered and she didn’t feel uncomfortable. The only person who took offense was the husband. While we will never know exactly why, it’s not too hard to work out some possibilities. First and foremost, he might believe that his wife breastfeeding will somehow “tempt” his friends.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)
There aren’t good explanations for why the wife breastfeeding would be an issue
This is a very weird thing to think about your wife who is currently feeding your baby, particularly if he is literally the only one with an issue. The fact that he would look at his breastfeeding wife and immediately sexualize her is very strange. Even worse, the idea that his friends would suddenly be attracted to her and this putting their relationship at risk has to come from a place of deep insecurity.
Having an attractive partner is, generally, seen as a good thing, but if a person is overcome with insecurity, they might spend a good part of the relationship worried that the person they married is about to replace them. This is ugly and pretty toxic, and we can see exactly how it plays out when the husband starts making unnecessary demands.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)
Fortunately, netizens sided with OP
All in all, this does seem like an entirely pointless conflict, as breastfeeding in private should be entirely normalized. The husband, by acting controlling, is just revealing that he looks at this situation and immediately sexualizes it. Even if this is just how he feels, which is already something he should work through, there is no need for him to start controlling his wife’s body. After all, every relationship will have disagreements, but there are healthy ways to resolve them and there are deeply unhealthy ways to do it.
The fact that OP had to get a second opinion online is quite telling of just how persistent the husband’s attempts at control are. Unfortunately, through persistence, rhetorical tricks and plain old hostility, manipulators can and do batter people down until they think they are themselves to blame. This is not behavior anyone should put up with, but he has pressured her into thinking he might be right. Fortunately, netizens set the record straight and called out the husband’s behavior.
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / pexels (not the actual photo)
Many readers quickly sided with OP
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The main reason men are uncomfortable with breastfeeding is because they have been taught all their lives that breasts exist for their sexual gratification. Seeing them perform another function entirely is very dissonate and uncomfortable for them and, as a character in Superstore said, "a boner killer". If breastfeeding was commonly seen this wouldn't be an issue.
They are then faced with the choice of discussing it like an adult with their partner or realising it's their issue and working on it on their own so as not to add to post partum body insecurities.
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It is so funny reading the very obviously American replies, telling your partner to "f4ck off" is not rude at ALL if they're being a d1ck. Yours sincerely everyone in the UK, Australia, Ireland...
I'm American and I'm absolutely laughing my a$$ off at some of the puritanical replies at the bottom. If my husband ever did to me what this man did, you can bet the first words out of my mouth would be "f**k off". 🤣
Load More Replies...
Your husband has the problem. My teenage sons coped with me breastfeeding their younger siblings, even when they had friends over. I used to host international students and had a lot of male Arabic Muslims stay. I did wonder how breastfeeding you go with the students, but they didn't care a bit. They all seemed to see it as normal, their mothers, aunt and sisters did the same. They were happy to look me in the eye and chat without any awkwardness.
Only small minds make it a problem I've found. Others just are ok a baby is eating and carry on about their day. They wouldn't have a problem and stare if the baby had a bottle so why bother if it's a boob.
Load More Replies...
It's actually funny that some people seem to think that OP's language seem to be a problem.... Breastfeeding = HUNGER = HANGRY... I would verbally made him naked and hairless with my words if it was me...
That last sentence is so descriptive, and I am here for it. 😂
Load More Replies... Needs a serious talk with the husband as this is just possessiveness over a part of her body that to him is heavily sexualised. As most women know, when you have a baby the body becomes a functional thing first and foremost, at least for a while.
There's no hygiene issue with breast feeding, so why should a mother be banished from the room as if there's something shameful about feeding a baby? This seems like a big red flag for controlling behaviour. Does he restrict her choice of bathing suit in the summer? Seems like it's headed that way, using shame and shouting to police her body.
If the husband won't let the baby eat, 1) he gets to deal with the hungry baby that he's torturing for no reason, and 2) he's not allowed to eat, either.
Oh, guys. This hassle is old... 40 years ago... we had our first child and Wife decided at 6 months that she wanted to go back to work. Ok... So the 3 of us are at her job interview, with the Boss... the baby is hungry- she pops out her equipment and feeds the baby. Boss... blinked a few times. I didn't. She got the job. ....... All she wrote.
So your wife took her spouse and her baby to a job interview?
Load More Replies...
Immature man lashes out over his wife feeding baby. What does he think will happen, his friends will think she is coming on to them? SMDH. Stop sexualizing breasts.
What's the deal with the kid in the picture? How old is that child? The top half looks like a baby, but the bottom half looks like a much older kid. I am tripping O_o
sounds like the friends were all normal about it. they noticed, then politely looked away and carried on as if everything was normal, because it IS exactly that. sounds like the boyfriend was angry because he views her breasts as HIS and was being pathetic and possessive and trying to assert ownership of her body.
Honestly?? The situation wasn’t “weird” until he MADE it weird!! The friends didn’t care, but they felt awkward the moment he started making a big deal out of it. She’s in her own home, feeding her own baby & she’s entitled to walk into her own kitchen & prepare some food for herself, as she needs that for her milk production. If her partner wanted her to stay in another room, he should’ve provided “room service”! 🤨🤷♀️
What's he doing inviting people over with a 5 month old baby? He's a worthless a$$ who needs to learn he's (gasp) a grown up and needs to act like a father, not a frat boy.
Worst part of nursing was people who thought I was trying to be "sexy". Even if I had a blanket covering myself and the baby.
I think your child comes first. Why are YOU allowing your "mates" to be around your wife at such an intimate moment for them both. YATA my dude......
This is normal. When I was a baby my mom breast fed me all the time around my dad’s friends and they didn’t think it was weird at all. And neither did he.
Personally, as a man, most men are disgusting, it really depends on his friends but i could see why maybe he just doesn't want his friends to see you like that as they might start fantasizing or even say something about it. Stuff like that has happened to me with my girlfriend, and the way a lot of guys will tell you your partner is attractive is horrifying and scary... i'd still say it's his issue if this is the case, he should choose better friends.
Nope she's in the wrong here. She knows enough to cover up in public. She can cover up for a few minutes while guests are in her home. What happened to respecting our partners feelings about our behavior? If a girl can feel uncomfortable with a guy being extra friendly to her friends when it's completely innocent a guy can be uncomfortable with his girl walk around with her boobs out around his friends. Even if it's completely innocent. She is being extremely dusty to him. They should probably have a conversation about it. But as a woman I don't want to randomly see other people's body either. And as a guest in their home I hope they have enough decorum to keep it to themselves.
Shut up, husband. And learn that her breasts are for feeding a child, keep your f*****g pervert thoughts to yourself. A**e.
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Seriously? There is nothing sexualising in it. The other woman is not breastfeeding to entice your husband away from you I promise you. It is literally not crossing her mind. If he is looking that is a him issue, not her. Do you have insecurities about your marriage?
Load More Replies...
It's rude to stare, but also, it's normal to see a woman breastfeed in public (US and UK anyway) it's normal to notice, then you either look elsewhere or you look at their face when you're talking as normal. People who find breasts attractive still aren't supposed to stare at them and ignore the person sporting them. Same rules apply no matter what the person with breasts are doing. Someone who would be weird and stare at a friend's wife's breasts will be doing it with a baby or without. Have a word with your mates.
Load More Replies...
Feeding your baby is not 'main character' syndrome. Women have been feeding their babies in company for a hundred thousand years. Did they really all leave the camp fire and go and sit somewhere else to breast feed? Of course not. I've even heard old men talk about getting the bus into town on market day as a little children and mums breastfeeding on the bus, it was unremarkable in the 20s.
Load More Replies...
I breastfed too. She is not doing anything of concern. She is in her own home, feeding her own baby, in the most natural, ordinary way. It's the father who has the problem. Not the baby, not the mother, not the friends. The problem solely exists in the father's head.
Load More Replies...
The main reason men are uncomfortable with breastfeeding is because they have been taught all their lives that breasts exist for their sexual gratification. Seeing them perform another function entirely is very dissonate and uncomfortable for them and, as a character in Superstore said, "a boner killer". If breastfeeding was commonly seen this wouldn't be an issue.
They are then faced with the choice of discussing it like an adult with their partner or realising it's their issue and working on it on their own so as not to add to post partum body insecurities.
Load More Replies... It is so funny reading the very obviously American replies, telling your partner to "f4ck off" is not rude at ALL if they're being a d1ck. Yours sincerely everyone in the UK, Australia, Ireland...
I'm American and I'm absolutely laughing my a$$ off at some of the puritanical replies at the bottom. If my husband ever did to me what this man did, you can bet the first words out of my mouth would be "f**k off". 🤣
Load More Replies... Your husband has the problem. My teenage sons coped with me breastfeeding their younger siblings, even when they had friends over. I used to host international students and had a lot of male Arabic Muslims stay. I did wonder how breastfeeding you go with the students, but they didn't care a bit. They all seemed to see it as normal, their mothers, aunt and sisters did the same. They were happy to look me in the eye and chat without any awkwardness.
Only small minds make it a problem I've found. Others just are ok a baby is eating and carry on about their day. They wouldn't have a problem and stare if the baby had a bottle so why bother if it's a boob.
Load More Replies... It's actually funny that some people seem to think that OP's language seem to be a problem.... Breastfeeding = HUNGER = HANGRY... I would verbally made him naked and hairless with my words if it was me...
That last sentence is so descriptive, and I am here for it. 😂
Load More Replies... Needs a serious talk with the husband as this is just possessiveness over a part of her body that to him is heavily sexualised. As most women know, when you have a baby the body becomes a functional thing first and foremost, at least for a while.
There's no hygiene issue with breast feeding, so why should a mother be banished from the room as if there's something shameful about feeding a baby? This seems like a big red flag for controlling behaviour. Does he restrict her choice of bathing suit in the summer? Seems like it's headed that way, using shame and shouting to police her body.
If the husband won't let the baby eat, 1) he gets to deal with the hungry baby that he's torturing for no reason, and 2) he's not allowed to eat, either.
Oh, guys. This hassle is old... 40 years ago... we had our first child and Wife decided at 6 months that she wanted to go back to work. Ok... So the 3 of us are at her job interview, with the Boss... the baby is hungry- she pops out her equipment and feeds the baby. Boss... blinked a few times. I didn't. She got the job. ....... All she wrote.
So your wife took her spouse and her baby to a job interview?
Load More Replies... Immature man lashes out over his wife feeding baby. What does he think will happen, his friends will think she is coming on to them? SMDH. Stop sexualizing breasts.
What's the deal with the kid in the picture? How old is that child? The top half looks like a baby, but the bottom half looks like a much older kid. I am tripping O_o
sounds like the friends were all normal about it. they noticed, then politely looked away and carried on as if everything was normal, because it IS exactly that. sounds like the boyfriend was angry because he views her breasts as HIS and was being pathetic and possessive and trying to assert ownership of her body.
Honestly?? The situation wasn’t “weird” until he MADE it weird!! The friends didn’t care, but they felt awkward the moment he started making a big deal out of it. She’s in her own home, feeding her own baby & she’s entitled to walk into her own kitchen & prepare some food for herself, as she needs that for her milk production. If her partner wanted her to stay in another room, he should’ve provided “room service”! 🤨🤷♀️
What's he doing inviting people over with a 5 month old baby? He's a worthless a$$ who needs to learn he's (gasp) a grown up and needs to act like a father, not a frat boy.
Worst part of nursing was people who thought I was trying to be "sexy". Even if I had a blanket covering myself and the baby.
I think your child comes first. Why are YOU allowing your "mates" to be around your wife at such an intimate moment for them both. YATA my dude......
This is normal. When I was a baby my mom breast fed me all the time around my dad’s friends and they didn’t think it was weird at all. And neither did he.
Personally, as a man, most men are disgusting, it really depends on his friends but i could see why maybe he just doesn't want his friends to see you like that as they might start fantasizing or even say something about it. Stuff like that has happened to me with my girlfriend, and the way a lot of guys will tell you your partner is attractive is horrifying and scary... i'd still say it's his issue if this is the case, he should choose better friends.
Nope she's in the wrong here. She knows enough to cover up in public. She can cover up for a few minutes while guests are in her home. What happened to respecting our partners feelings about our behavior? If a girl can feel uncomfortable with a guy being extra friendly to her friends when it's completely innocent a guy can be uncomfortable with his girl walk around with her boobs out around his friends. Even if it's completely innocent. She is being extremely dusty to him. They should probably have a conversation about it. But as a woman I don't want to randomly see other people's body either. And as a guest in their home I hope they have enough decorum to keep it to themselves.
Shut up, husband. And learn that her breasts are for feeding a child, keep your f*****g pervert thoughts to yourself. A**e.
Load More Replies... Seriously? There is nothing sexualising in it. The other woman is not breastfeeding to entice your husband away from you I promise you. It is literally not crossing her mind. If he is looking that is a him issue, not her. Do you have insecurities about your marriage?
Load More Replies... It's rude to stare, but also, it's normal to see a woman breastfeed in public (US and UK anyway) it's normal to notice, then you either look elsewhere or you look at their face when you're talking as normal. People who find breasts attractive still aren't supposed to stare at them and ignore the person sporting them. Same rules apply no matter what the person with breasts are doing. Someone who would be weird and stare at a friend's wife's breasts will be doing it with a baby or without. Have a word with your mates.
Load More Replies... Feeding your baby is not 'main character' syndrome. Women have been feeding their babies in company for a hundred thousand years. Did they really all leave the camp fire and go and sit somewhere else to breast feed? Of course not. I've even heard old men talk about getting the bus into town on market day as a little children and mums breastfeeding on the bus, it was unremarkable in the 20s.
Load More Replies... I breastfed too. She is not doing anything of concern. She is in her own home, feeding her own baby, in the most natural, ordinary way. It's the father who has the problem. Not the baby, not the mother, not the friends. The problem solely exists in the father's head.
Load More Replies...
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