Man Snaps After His Exhausted Stay-At-Home Wife Tries To “Police” His Showering Schedule
Being a stay-at-home parent of small children is certainly a full-time job. But when your partner also works full-time outside of the home, it can be challenging to agree on how those hours after work should be spent.
Below, you’ll find a story that one exhausted mother recently shared on Reddit, wondering if she’s wrong for trying to dictate when her husband is allowed to take showers. Keep reading to also find a conversation with Amy Webb of The Thoughtful Parent, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
It’s easy for parents of small children to feel like there’s simply not enough time in the day
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So this mom is wondering if it’s fair for her to dictate when her husband gets to shower
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Later, after reading some responses, the mom provided additional details on the situation
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“Doing even normal household tasks with young children in tow is challenging”
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to Amy Webb, creator of The Thoughtful Parent, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about the issue between these two parents. Amy shared that this type of situation is common, especially when families have young children at home. “Toddlers demand a lot of attention and are at an age where they have very little ability to manage their emotions, so tantrums and big emotional reactions are not uncommon,” she explained.
“Sometimes doing even normal household tasks with young children in tow is challenging. It can be a strain on a marriage if neither partner wants to compromise or recognize/empathize with the experiences and feelings of the other,” the expert continued. “If one partner does most of the childcare, the other one may not completely understand how challenging it can be to get anything done with toddlers in the house.”
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“Set up an activity for the children while you make dinner”
As for how parents can ensure that chores get done and dinner gets made even with little ones at home, Amy provided some recommendations. “Set up an activity for the children while you make dinner. Maybe a toy they haven’t seen in a while or household objects like big bowls and spoons they can play with near the kitchen so you can keep an eye on them,” she shared.
“Try to prep some portion of dinner earlier in the day when the kids are napping or watching TV (if you allow that). Even some simple chopping or other food prep in advance can help make the ‘witching hour’ less stressful,” Amy added. “Young children are known to get cranky from around 4-7 pm (i.e. the ‘witching hour’), so tasks may be especially difficult then. Doing them earlier might work out better.”
The parenting expert also says that babywearing can be a great solution for very young toddlers. “Strap your baby or young toddler into a carrier, and they are usually happy while you can cook or do chores,” Amy told Bored Panda. “Older toddlers (3+) may be able to help with some simple cooking activities like pouring, mixing, etc. This would give them something to do while you cook, so they aren’t underfoot and cranky.”
It’s also important for parents to compromise with their partner. “Trade off cooking, so the other partner can watch the kids,” Amy recommends.
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“If neither partner really empathizes with the work that the other is doing, cultural stereotypes about ‘who’s working harder’ will likely prevail”
The expert also says it’s very important for working parents and stay-at-home parents to understand the other’s perspective as much as possible. “ALL parents are working parents! Whether you work inside the home caring for kids or outside, both have stresses,” she explained.
“Understanding that is key to making this type of relationship work. If neither partner really empathizes with the work that the other is doing, cultural stereotypes about ‘who’s working harder’ will likely prevail,” Amy warns. “Tune out the stereotypes and tune in and really listen to what each partner does in a day. Both jobs are hard; just in different ways.”
If you’d like to hear more words of wisdom about parenting from Amy, be sure to visit The Thoughtful Parent! And then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing conflicts between parents, look no further than right here.
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Some readers assured the mother that she hadn’t done anything wrong, noting that the situation itself is difficult
However, others thought the mom could try harder to find a compromise with her husband
And some thought that both parents should work on finding a better arrangement
The average US shower is 10 mins, this guy is taking nearly an hour. If he’s on the toilet for 25 minutes, he needs to eat more fibre and/or see a doctor. But really, he’s not doing this to get clean, he’s doing it for some quiet time to himself so his wife will handle all the kid chaos. I think that she should disappear into the bathroom for an hour after he finally joins them and see how he likes dealing with everything. Really he just needs to cut his bathroom time in half and start pulling his weight.
She has the whole day. She can put the kids in a playpen and make the meals to be heated quickly when he arrives. Or feed the kids earlier, letting them both have peace to enjoy dinner. 13 hours work in construction, this man needs to relax, decompress and mentally reset. This is a much needed break. He will be a happier, more present person when he's done. He has plenty of time with the kids when he's finished and fresh. I personally wouldn't want him bringing germs, dust and grime around the children and home. My sister works an incredibly demanding job. Our family allow her the luxury of her 1 hr baths because it's a much needed calm and reset when she returns home.
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If the kids are 1 and 3 they should be eating sooner than 7:30 at night. Since dad works so late, mom could feed the kids earlier and dad could take a quicker shower when he gets home. They could finesse the times and what each of them does every night to find what works best for all of them.They need to work together to accomplish that.
Seems like she is specifically waiting for him to get home so he can't have that time to himself.
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There are things they can both do better. Demanding that he not shower after working a physically demanding job for 12 hours is unreasonable. And taking ~60 minutes total in the bathroom is also unreasonable. Perhaps a good compromise could be that hubby takes 20 minutes in the bathroom and then they both work together to prepare dinner. That way, they're still on schedule to put the kids down on time.
The average US shower is 10 mins, this guy is taking nearly an hour. If he’s on the toilet for 25 minutes, he needs to eat more fibre and/or see a doctor. But really, he’s not doing this to get clean, he’s doing it for some quiet time to himself so his wife will handle all the kid chaos. I think that she should disappear into the bathroom for an hour after he finally joins them and see how he likes dealing with everything. Really he just needs to cut his bathroom time in half and start pulling his weight.
She has the whole day. She can put the kids in a playpen and make the meals to be heated quickly when he arrives. Or feed the kids earlier, letting them both have peace to enjoy dinner. 13 hours work in construction, this man needs to relax, decompress and mentally reset. This is a much needed break. He will be a happier, more present person when he's done. He has plenty of time with the kids when he's finished and fresh. I personally wouldn't want him bringing germs, dust and grime around the children and home. My sister works an incredibly demanding job. Our family allow her the luxury of her 1 hr baths because it's a much needed calm and reset when she returns home.
Load More Replies... If the kids are 1 and 3 they should be eating sooner than 7:30 at night. Since dad works so late, mom could feed the kids earlier and dad could take a quicker shower when he gets home. They could finesse the times and what each of them does every night to find what works best for all of them.They need to work together to accomplish that.
Seems like she is specifically waiting for him to get home so he can't have that time to himself.
Load More Replies... There are things they can both do better. Demanding that he not shower after working a physically demanding job for 12 hours is unreasonable. And taking ~60 minutes total in the bathroom is also unreasonable. Perhaps a good compromise could be that hubby takes 20 minutes in the bathroom and then they both work together to prepare dinner. That way, they're still on schedule to put the kids down on time.
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