Man Battles With Wife’s Ultimatum: Give Her More Than 2 Showers Per Week Or See Her Move Out
It’s important to be aware of our impact on the environment, but some people are more eager to take action to minimize it than others; maybe even too eager at times.
This redditor’s husband, for instance, took action by limiting the number of showers his family members were allowed to take. Such a decision led to conflict between the spouses and his wife wondering if she was overreacting for threatening him to move out.
Taking regular showers is crucial for personal hygiene and overall well-being
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)
This woman could not take daily showers because her husband would turn off the hot water
Image credits: amenic181 / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: dirtywife_
An average family reportedly uses roughly 300 gallons of water per day
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s no secret that our behaviors are closely linked to the environment, be it because of the resources we use or the waste we produce, among other things. According to National Geographic, some of the main ways humans affect the environment are overpopulation, pollution, burning fossil fuels, and deforestation, all of which can result in climate change, soil erosion, poor air quality, and undrinkable water.
The latter, water, is what the OP’s husband was worried about the most. Bearing the environment in mind, he believed that his family was using too much water, hence the two-shower-a-week rule. According to the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the average American family uses over 300 gallons (just over 1100 liters) of water per day in their homes, 70% of which is used indoors.
Out of the 70% of indoor use water, the majority seems to be flushed down the toilet; quite literally, as the toilet is what people use water for the most. Showering is reportedly second on the list, followed by using faucets and washing clothes respectively. EPA emphasized that using water more efficiently helps maintain water supplies at safe levels, protecting human health and the environment.
One-in-two people take showers on a daily basis
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
While being mindful of water usage should be a rule of thumb, taking it to the extreme at the expense of the well-being of members of one’s household might not be the smartest idea. Take showering, for instance, which was something the OP’s husband was willing to minimize for the sake of the environment; while experts point out that whether or not it’s necessary to shower daily depends on each person, the limit to two times per week was clearly not something the redditor was content with, consequently negatively affecting her quality of life.
The redditor shared that she was someone who prefers showering before bed, meaning that she likely takes showers daily; and based on data from 2021, she’s far from the only one. A survey from a few years ago found that roughly half of Americans wash themselves every day and one-in-five of them do it at least once every two days. Taking a shower two times a week—once every three or four days—is a routine followed by only 6% and 2% of respondents respectively.
While personal hygiene habits clearly differ with each individual, they’re usually based on the choices they make rather than on what’s imposed on them by others. That’s why fellow redditors in the comments took the OP’s side and pointed out that the husband limiting the showers family members can take is likely to do more harm than good.
Fellow netizens shared their views in the comments, the OP replied to some of them
"But I love him and he's good to me!". Honey, please! He's treating you like a child. He's not good to you. He's got an obsessive disorder and he's harming you with it. You don't love him. You have Stockholm syndrome.
I've said this before and it's still true: so many of these AITAs are "we have a great relationship but he doesn't view or respect me as a person".
Load More Replies...I like the comment of if he is forcing his conspiracy/environmental beliefs on the family, then you need to kick HIM out. It’s a boundary you need to set for your family. He’s had great boundaries up until now, not forcing his beliefs on you. But since that’s now changed, you need to stand up against it. This definitely doesn’t need to head to divorce yet, but be stronger in your boundaries.
Same. He's the problem, not her. Do not tolerate paranoid bs.
Load More Replies...She says divorce is not an option, but he gives ultimatums and there's no room for discussion, compromise or input from the person who is supposed to be his partner. This example of controlling behavior could be right out of coercive control for dummies. Don't brush this off, get out. Violence is the next stage.
I'm all for protecting the environment, but this is pushing it too far. We have a proverb in my country - "The excessive saint is not loved even by God." Besides, it truly is unfair that mega-corps waste tons of resources, but it is us, the small people, who have to take cold showers.
Let's not forget the teen boys she has as well. During the teen years, kids can stink, even when doing nothing. It's part of life. Those boys might need showers every day.
I'm autistic. I shower daily. I feel disgusting if I don't. I like being clean. From what I know of neurological disorders, this doesn't sound so much like autism as possibly OCD, if it's a disorder at all. He might just be a controlling abuser.
Load More Replies...Conspiracy freaks are insane and are intent on frightening and controlling others.
If someone complains about their spouse hugely disrespecting them but at the same time says 'divorce is not an option' and an option is not a certainty, I wonder what they really want. Do you just want us to commiserate with you so you feel validated and you are good to go until the next time your spouse disrespects you? If so, don't count on me. I generally emphatize with people, but if you just complain and do nothing about the situation you're complaining about, you're on your own.
She should insist he use an abacus for his work since the electric usage, e-waste and manufacturing methods of a computer are just as bad. He should also seek to limit his breathing since CO2 is skyrocketing.
He's being a bully. If she doesn't have an outside the home job, she should go without a shower fit as long as she can stand. With that, eat lots of garlic, onions asparagus etc, and work up a good sweat right befit he comes home. I mean, get really foul and rancid smelling. Then be all over him - lots of hugs with and up an pits wafting stink at him. Pile up your reeking underwear in his pillow /pillow case. Trym9n all his shirts while he's out of the house, then hang them back up after marinating g in BO.. If those methods can't be done, tell him flat out tell him he is not allowed to dictate when to shower or. How long. Tell him if he turns the water off on you while your showering again, you will be leaving him. He has no right to decide on what an adult who's supposed be hid partner, his equal. He mist stop completely and immediately. If he still does it, force. Him to seek professional counseling or you're leaving. Being a controlling bully isnt a sweet man, he's an abuser
Lol, you're like the guy suggesting leaving the dumps unflushed in the toilet. I don't know about OP, but I could NEVER make myself stink to teach anyone a lesson. Hygiene plays an important role in mental health.
Load More Replies...Just so I have this straight. Your husband is telling you how often he will allow you to wash your a*s? And you're deliberating on it?
If I turned the hot water off on my wife while she was in the shower, I'm pretty sure she would murder me the first time. OP's mistake is allowing him to live long enough to do it a second time.
My dad flushed when mum was showering, and she actually started to pack a bag for him.
Load More Replies...OP if your husband is vegan he might not be getting all the protein and B vitamins to keep his brain healthy. If this is happening, there's a good change that he might get even worse. Move out and take the kids with you for everyone's health and safety. Tell him to see a doctor and get a checkup.
As all programmers do, he thinks he's sooo smart and he clearly isn't. And he's not very informed either. He works in one of the most earth (and human) exploitative fields ever, computers. Why doesn't he research what we are doing to Asian and African countries in order to have computers and smartphones? And why doesn't he concentrate, for example, on clothing? Is he aware of the amount of water we consume to produce fast fashion t-shirts? And, he's a vegan. I'd like to know what he consumes. I've seen vegans use substitues for ingredients shipped from the other side of the world. Hello carbon footprint. This man has a mental crisis and I don't know why she should be the one paying for it.
Is he on the autism scale? Computers, vegan, CONTROL? He needs a medical review. I don't doubt he's doing this with good intentions but from the outset, he maybe needs help. I'm not jumping on the divorce train, as she loves him. He seems like he's going through something. You know your husband better than us. Please get advice from professionals, rather than the Internet
If he has autism or not, that doesn't change how to proceed. In a marriage, you can't just dictate your spouse behavior. the discussion process and even the level of frustration may be affected by autism, but it has nothing to do with being disrespectful and controlling of your family. Someone who struggles with social cues, for example, may not be able to gasligh, like a neurotypical person, but the underlying goal to assert your will over your partner, isn't rooted in autism, autism just makes true intent harder to hide.
Load More Replies...This is a form of abuse. He’s doing this because it gives him control over OP and the rest of the family. I had a cousin whose husband controlled the thermostat and wouldn’t let her turn it up above 16 Celsius in the winter, despite being well off. It was about him being in charge. She divorced him and was able to be warm.
He sounds like a good dude who has lost perspective on this one issue. How to get reason back into him? One could compromise, or be like I didn't choose this so we need to come up a water saving plan together. But sounds like u already tried those approaches for reasonable humans. Out-research him and offer up other water saving strategies (ex this water catcher will offset my shower use) But if it's not possible to outsmart him or get thru to him, time for a therapist!!!
I'm with the poster who said to have a good s**t and leave it in the bowl. Tell the loony that you used the water allowance to shower instead of flush and that you'll be doing that for the foreseeable future. Turn the water off when he's in the shower a few times and see how he likes it. Do NOT treat this as something 'normal', it's not.
People who give orders and ultimatums don't always benefit from therapy. There no way to talk someone into respecting their spouse.
Load More Replies...Might want to limit the amount of computer time by shutting the power off abrubtly when he is working. Tell him it's bad for the environment to use that much electricity. And demand he only buy used parts for his computer, as new parts are wasteful. Pretty sure he will shut up after that. XD
Well, he is right about needing to conserve water, but totally wrong with the way he's going about it. OP needs to leave him and his controlling behaviour. OP also needs to acknowledge that water is a resource this world cannot create, and it has to be used sensibly. By that I mean 2-min showers whenever possible (realise that washing long hair takes more water), not washing dishes under running water, etc. I'll sit back now and wait for all the nay sayers - give me a minute to make some popcorn.
Jo, you're right. I have long hair. But I turn off the water when I shampoo and wash down my body. Then turn it back on to rinse. I've timed it out, and doing it this way saves me about 10 minutes of shower time daily. I still need at least 7 minutes of water flow to rinse my hair properly between shampoo and conditioner and to take the shower wand and make sure that the downstairs and my loose skin folds are clean, but that's better than 17 minutes.
Load More Replies...I grew up in the UK and Sunday was bath night. We didn't have showers. Everyone would arrive at work on Monday smelling nice but not so good on Friday. Probably due the wars, things were rationed and energy was at a premium because of labor disputes. That's not the case today in America. Definitely need some therapy if you want to stay with this man.
I'm a little confused. OP says that divorce is not an option, yet her husband limits her to one shower a week to conserve water, and even goes as far as to shut off the hot water in the middle of her shower. Ho-kaaaaaaaaaaaay. It sounds like he has some kind of compulsion that needs to be addressed by a professional. Op should give him this option. "This 'one shower a week' nonsense comes to an end NOW. Either you get professional help, or I move to my parents' home and serve you with divorce papers. Which is it? 5...4...3..." Either decision WILL put a stop to this ridiculous thing. Oh, and if Hubby decides to hold fast to his obsession, when OP leaves, she should take the boys with her. No sense in allowing his hangup to wreck their lives.
This is an obvious case of bullying and being a control freak. What happened to marriage being give & take, and discussing things. Showering every day is a basic human right. Some unfortunate people can't do it because of remote situation, droughts, war, etc. But in a civilised 1st world country, there's no excuse.
Maybe a red flag as to mental health issues that have the potential to become worse with time?
I HAVE to shower every other day, approximately, or my body odor and hair greasiness get unmanageable. For the health of your hair and skin, it's not recommended to shower every single day, but that said, adults can do whatever they want.
He sounds autistic to me; this is not the first time he has become "obsessed" over an issue. Medication or therapy may help. Also if for her divorce is not an option, then it's not; we don't live in her world
Why not have an artesian well dug on your property, you can then use all the water you want.
Yall's butt gotta "stink" only bathing twice a week, how can you be intimate (or why would you want to) with each other, especially him knowing he sits on his butt all day, farting and sweating the way everyone does; take your showers or take off to your moms, he will beg you to come back home after a day or so, good luck!!
He's nuts and you're not his slave. Hygiene is important. There is no mention here of how often he showers and for how long. No way would I feel romantic with someone who stinks. I've had surgeries and have been unable to shower for three days, and I stood at the bathroom sink scrubbing myself as best I could, but I never felt clean.
Personally I only shower 2-3 times a week, but on the days I don't shower, I still wash in the sink with soap and water. I don't understand the people saying it's bad hygiene not to shower every day. When I was younger, showers simply didn't exist in the average home. Just a bathtub that only got used 2-3 times a week with ordinary washing in between. You have 4 choices here. 1- follow his rule and shower twice a week, 2-get used to either really fast showers or cold showers, 3- insist on therapy either for him and his weirdness or couples therapy, 4- leave the silly bugger to his water obsession and find a place where you can shower to your heart's content. You're gonna have to pick your poison here, I'm afraid.
Someone go to Reddit and tell her she can take the handle that he uses to shut off the hot water into the shower with her.
Three minutes will get you clean (most of the time) ... the rest is therapy.
I get the idea behind wanting to save water- years ago, there was the mantra "If it's yellow, let it mellow- if it's brown, flush it down"- meaning, you don't need to flush after every pee! Also, keep a big bucket to collect the cold water in the shower as you wait for the water to warm up- then go ahead and enjoy your daily showers- you have more than made up for it in saving water by even reducing toilet flushing a few times a day!
So after 20 years of his manipulation and control issues you are finally waking up. Sorry but he is an a*s and he will not change after you leave because he knows he has you trained and you will be back. Teens need showers dailey and sometimes a couple a day. A shower is your relaxation and if he is keeping you from it, he is saying don't relax, stay on edge and I don't care about what you want. Do you really want to live that way? Wait until you tell him you are leaving and he yells sit! stay! and you sit and stay.
I have diagnosed OCD and depression and i fixate on things. The longer it goes on the worse i get. I'm lucky that i am medicated, in therapy and has a husband who will talk to me about what it is i fixate on to help me through it. It's not easy but it sounds like maybe this is what this man has.
Something is seriously wrong with hubby. That sort of controlling behaviour is so abnormal. And over showers! She might think he's sweet and loving, but he's either mentally ill or abusively controlling. Two showers a week is not enough to stay clean and healthy. You can get skin infections and all sorts of issues, especially if you're overweight. I do "European showers"... Turn the water on, soak down, turn the water off, shampoo and scrub, turn it back on to rinse, off to put the conditioner in, and on again for final rinse. But that's in part because I have very long, thick hair and it takes forever to get the shampoo worked through. Doing it this way saves on the electric bill because it cuts down the hot water time by at least 10 minutes a day. There are many ways to be more efficient with water use, but denying someone hygiene is abusive.
He either has some obsessive disorder or is a bully. They need to talk and he needs to compromise. She can suggest to take shorter showers every other day, lowering pressure in pipes, investing to that device which adds air to water in your shower etc. But he cant dictate how often she showers that is nuts. When she is on her period she should be showering even more than once per day. And the teenagers probably sweat a lot plus their hair is probably greasier. They need a daily shower probably.
He sound autistic/asperger-like... like he doesn't get the social norm...
Wow. This is so wrong and stupid in so many ways. What exactly do you find to love about him? He is nasty and controlling. This is ego, him thinking he is so great to save water. It is maybe a mental illness.
I had my epiphany on the realities of climate change a few years ago and it struck hard. I can empathise with this person and why he is doing what he is doing. It took a while for me to rationalise things and I hope this man will do the same.
I stop reading as soon as I see something in the lines of "He's perfect. He's so good to me (and the kids) but.... or except... If there's a but or an except, nothing's perfect.
I had a classmate in 5th grade whose family all bathed once a week. It was the late 80s in Southern California, and water conservation was The Thing, but... honestly, the smell. I'm sorry, but she stank. And OP's sons do, too. If her husband keeps this up, their teachers will notice the neglect and CPS will pay a visit. Maybe hubs will shape up once his sons are in foster care? Maybe OP will consider leaving him then? She could just save them all the trouble and surrender the boys right now. Then she can "use" the extra four showers per week.
"at first I just ignored his rule..." Both of them need to grow up, have adult conversations and learn how to compromise to be better together and not against each other.
There are lots of things going on. He is showing very controlling behavior, but what she doesn't say is how long she's in the shower. A bedtime wash should only need about 3 minutes, washing hair, especially long hair would take longer. From what I gathered from the way she worded thing I think she may be one of those people who soak in the shower. An idea to help conserve water is put a bucket in the shower, collect that water and use it on the garden or washing machine... even one person making a small change can help, comments about your not making a difference because your only one person is the type of thinking that goes towards creating these sort of problems. They need to sit down and talk this through and come up with a workable system they are both happy with. As for teenagers, they need a shower everyday - some smell like they need a shower every 5 minutes... its all those hormones, teenagers smell
I think its not a bad thing worrying about the environment and climate change, but also his behaviour is controlling and not okay. Maybe you need some couples counselling so he can begin to understand why his behaviour is problematic? Could he look into other methods of water conservation, like setting up a system using graywater (=used shower water!) for flushing the toilet?
My dad is a huge water saver. If it were up to him, he’d use the same basin of cold, dirty water to wash dishes for days. It’s pretty gross! He also saves every bit of aluminum foil and reuses it until it’s falling apart. He does the same with clothes; wears them until they fall apart. I swear he still wears shirts he had during my childhood (which was 30 years ago). In a lot of other ways, though, I admire his commitment to conservationism. He has a big heart and cares deeply about the environment.
Take a washcloth and wash the best you can. Every time you have to go.
If you live in a house you could put the plug in the tub and use the water, once it's cooled to water the garden.
With all the shpwer gels and shampoo in it? Isnt it harmful for the plants? I would say it is better for the toilet flushing
Load More Replies...I feel like I need to know if OP is taking ridiculously long showers or not, but either way, no one should limit someones freedom to shower.
I am worried that so many of the reddit commenters seem to believe that using water does not cause any wastage.
How much of a concern this is, depends on the specific situation. In a place that hasn't experienced drought recently, where you have a well and a leechfield, environmental impact is minimal from showering. Water table is unaffected, depending on how you source the energy to heat the water thats usually the biggest impact. In terms of private use its people in suburbia who water lawns and flowers who are a much bigger problem in other locales. And in nearly every case of water stress it's industrial uses that overshadow personal impact. I'm not saying don't conserve, but the impact of long showers or dripping faucets isn't the same in every environment.
Load More Replies..."But I love him and he's good to me!". Honey, please! He's treating you like a child. He's not good to you. He's got an obsessive disorder and he's harming you with it. You don't love him. You have Stockholm syndrome.
I've said this before and it's still true: so many of these AITAs are "we have a great relationship but he doesn't view or respect me as a person".
Load More Replies...I like the comment of if he is forcing his conspiracy/environmental beliefs on the family, then you need to kick HIM out. It’s a boundary you need to set for your family. He’s had great boundaries up until now, not forcing his beliefs on you. But since that’s now changed, you need to stand up against it. This definitely doesn’t need to head to divorce yet, but be stronger in your boundaries.
Same. He's the problem, not her. Do not tolerate paranoid bs.
Load More Replies...She says divorce is not an option, but he gives ultimatums and there's no room for discussion, compromise or input from the person who is supposed to be his partner. This example of controlling behavior could be right out of coercive control for dummies. Don't brush this off, get out. Violence is the next stage.
I'm all for protecting the environment, but this is pushing it too far. We have a proverb in my country - "The excessive saint is not loved even by God." Besides, it truly is unfair that mega-corps waste tons of resources, but it is us, the small people, who have to take cold showers.
Let's not forget the teen boys she has as well. During the teen years, kids can stink, even when doing nothing. It's part of life. Those boys might need showers every day.
I'm autistic. I shower daily. I feel disgusting if I don't. I like being clean. From what I know of neurological disorders, this doesn't sound so much like autism as possibly OCD, if it's a disorder at all. He might just be a controlling abuser.
Load More Replies...Conspiracy freaks are insane and are intent on frightening and controlling others.
If someone complains about their spouse hugely disrespecting them but at the same time says 'divorce is not an option' and an option is not a certainty, I wonder what they really want. Do you just want us to commiserate with you so you feel validated and you are good to go until the next time your spouse disrespects you? If so, don't count on me. I generally emphatize with people, but if you just complain and do nothing about the situation you're complaining about, you're on your own.
She should insist he use an abacus for his work since the electric usage, e-waste and manufacturing methods of a computer are just as bad. He should also seek to limit his breathing since CO2 is skyrocketing.
He's being a bully. If she doesn't have an outside the home job, she should go without a shower fit as long as she can stand. With that, eat lots of garlic, onions asparagus etc, and work up a good sweat right befit he comes home. I mean, get really foul and rancid smelling. Then be all over him - lots of hugs with and up an pits wafting stink at him. Pile up your reeking underwear in his pillow /pillow case. Trym9n all his shirts while he's out of the house, then hang them back up after marinating g in BO.. If those methods can't be done, tell him flat out tell him he is not allowed to dictate when to shower or. How long. Tell him if he turns the water off on you while your showering again, you will be leaving him. He has no right to decide on what an adult who's supposed be hid partner, his equal. He mist stop completely and immediately. If he still does it, force. Him to seek professional counseling or you're leaving. Being a controlling bully isnt a sweet man, he's an abuser
Lol, you're like the guy suggesting leaving the dumps unflushed in the toilet. I don't know about OP, but I could NEVER make myself stink to teach anyone a lesson. Hygiene plays an important role in mental health.
Load More Replies...Just so I have this straight. Your husband is telling you how often he will allow you to wash your a*s? And you're deliberating on it?
If I turned the hot water off on my wife while she was in the shower, I'm pretty sure she would murder me the first time. OP's mistake is allowing him to live long enough to do it a second time.
My dad flushed when mum was showering, and she actually started to pack a bag for him.
Load More Replies...OP if your husband is vegan he might not be getting all the protein and B vitamins to keep his brain healthy. If this is happening, there's a good change that he might get even worse. Move out and take the kids with you for everyone's health and safety. Tell him to see a doctor and get a checkup.
As all programmers do, he thinks he's sooo smart and he clearly isn't. And he's not very informed either. He works in one of the most earth (and human) exploitative fields ever, computers. Why doesn't he research what we are doing to Asian and African countries in order to have computers and smartphones? And why doesn't he concentrate, for example, on clothing? Is he aware of the amount of water we consume to produce fast fashion t-shirts? And, he's a vegan. I'd like to know what he consumes. I've seen vegans use substitues for ingredients shipped from the other side of the world. Hello carbon footprint. This man has a mental crisis and I don't know why she should be the one paying for it.
Is he on the autism scale? Computers, vegan, CONTROL? He needs a medical review. I don't doubt he's doing this with good intentions but from the outset, he maybe needs help. I'm not jumping on the divorce train, as she loves him. He seems like he's going through something. You know your husband better than us. Please get advice from professionals, rather than the Internet
If he has autism or not, that doesn't change how to proceed. In a marriage, you can't just dictate your spouse behavior. the discussion process and even the level of frustration may be affected by autism, but it has nothing to do with being disrespectful and controlling of your family. Someone who struggles with social cues, for example, may not be able to gasligh, like a neurotypical person, but the underlying goal to assert your will over your partner, isn't rooted in autism, autism just makes true intent harder to hide.
Load More Replies...This is a form of abuse. He’s doing this because it gives him control over OP and the rest of the family. I had a cousin whose husband controlled the thermostat and wouldn’t let her turn it up above 16 Celsius in the winter, despite being well off. It was about him being in charge. She divorced him and was able to be warm.
He sounds like a good dude who has lost perspective on this one issue. How to get reason back into him? One could compromise, or be like I didn't choose this so we need to come up a water saving plan together. But sounds like u already tried those approaches for reasonable humans. Out-research him and offer up other water saving strategies (ex this water catcher will offset my shower use) But if it's not possible to outsmart him or get thru to him, time for a therapist!!!
I'm with the poster who said to have a good s**t and leave it in the bowl. Tell the loony that you used the water allowance to shower instead of flush and that you'll be doing that for the foreseeable future. Turn the water off when he's in the shower a few times and see how he likes it. Do NOT treat this as something 'normal', it's not.
People who give orders and ultimatums don't always benefit from therapy. There no way to talk someone into respecting their spouse.
Load More Replies...Might want to limit the amount of computer time by shutting the power off abrubtly when he is working. Tell him it's bad for the environment to use that much electricity. And demand he only buy used parts for his computer, as new parts are wasteful. Pretty sure he will shut up after that. XD
Well, he is right about needing to conserve water, but totally wrong with the way he's going about it. OP needs to leave him and his controlling behaviour. OP also needs to acknowledge that water is a resource this world cannot create, and it has to be used sensibly. By that I mean 2-min showers whenever possible (realise that washing long hair takes more water), not washing dishes under running water, etc. I'll sit back now and wait for all the nay sayers - give me a minute to make some popcorn.
Jo, you're right. I have long hair. But I turn off the water when I shampoo and wash down my body. Then turn it back on to rinse. I've timed it out, and doing it this way saves me about 10 minutes of shower time daily. I still need at least 7 minutes of water flow to rinse my hair properly between shampoo and conditioner and to take the shower wand and make sure that the downstairs and my loose skin folds are clean, but that's better than 17 minutes.
Load More Replies...I grew up in the UK and Sunday was bath night. We didn't have showers. Everyone would arrive at work on Monday smelling nice but not so good on Friday. Probably due the wars, things were rationed and energy was at a premium because of labor disputes. That's not the case today in America. Definitely need some therapy if you want to stay with this man.
I'm a little confused. OP says that divorce is not an option, yet her husband limits her to one shower a week to conserve water, and even goes as far as to shut off the hot water in the middle of her shower. Ho-kaaaaaaaaaaaay. It sounds like he has some kind of compulsion that needs to be addressed by a professional. Op should give him this option. "This 'one shower a week' nonsense comes to an end NOW. Either you get professional help, or I move to my parents' home and serve you with divorce papers. Which is it? 5...4...3..." Either decision WILL put a stop to this ridiculous thing. Oh, and if Hubby decides to hold fast to his obsession, when OP leaves, she should take the boys with her. No sense in allowing his hangup to wreck their lives.
This is an obvious case of bullying and being a control freak. What happened to marriage being give & take, and discussing things. Showering every day is a basic human right. Some unfortunate people can't do it because of remote situation, droughts, war, etc. But in a civilised 1st world country, there's no excuse.
Maybe a red flag as to mental health issues that have the potential to become worse with time?
I HAVE to shower every other day, approximately, or my body odor and hair greasiness get unmanageable. For the health of your hair and skin, it's not recommended to shower every single day, but that said, adults can do whatever they want.
He sounds autistic to me; this is not the first time he has become "obsessed" over an issue. Medication or therapy may help. Also if for her divorce is not an option, then it's not; we don't live in her world
Why not have an artesian well dug on your property, you can then use all the water you want.
Yall's butt gotta "stink" only bathing twice a week, how can you be intimate (or why would you want to) with each other, especially him knowing he sits on his butt all day, farting and sweating the way everyone does; take your showers or take off to your moms, he will beg you to come back home after a day or so, good luck!!
He's nuts and you're not his slave. Hygiene is important. There is no mention here of how often he showers and for how long. No way would I feel romantic with someone who stinks. I've had surgeries and have been unable to shower for three days, and I stood at the bathroom sink scrubbing myself as best I could, but I never felt clean.
Personally I only shower 2-3 times a week, but on the days I don't shower, I still wash in the sink with soap and water. I don't understand the people saying it's bad hygiene not to shower every day. When I was younger, showers simply didn't exist in the average home. Just a bathtub that only got used 2-3 times a week with ordinary washing in between. You have 4 choices here. 1- follow his rule and shower twice a week, 2-get used to either really fast showers or cold showers, 3- insist on therapy either for him and his weirdness or couples therapy, 4- leave the silly bugger to his water obsession and find a place where you can shower to your heart's content. You're gonna have to pick your poison here, I'm afraid.
Someone go to Reddit and tell her she can take the handle that he uses to shut off the hot water into the shower with her.
Three minutes will get you clean (most of the time) ... the rest is therapy.
I get the idea behind wanting to save water- years ago, there was the mantra "If it's yellow, let it mellow- if it's brown, flush it down"- meaning, you don't need to flush after every pee! Also, keep a big bucket to collect the cold water in the shower as you wait for the water to warm up- then go ahead and enjoy your daily showers- you have more than made up for it in saving water by even reducing toilet flushing a few times a day!
So after 20 years of his manipulation and control issues you are finally waking up. Sorry but he is an a*s and he will not change after you leave because he knows he has you trained and you will be back. Teens need showers dailey and sometimes a couple a day. A shower is your relaxation and if he is keeping you from it, he is saying don't relax, stay on edge and I don't care about what you want. Do you really want to live that way? Wait until you tell him you are leaving and he yells sit! stay! and you sit and stay.
I have diagnosed OCD and depression and i fixate on things. The longer it goes on the worse i get. I'm lucky that i am medicated, in therapy and has a husband who will talk to me about what it is i fixate on to help me through it. It's not easy but it sounds like maybe this is what this man has.
Something is seriously wrong with hubby. That sort of controlling behaviour is so abnormal. And over showers! She might think he's sweet and loving, but he's either mentally ill or abusively controlling. Two showers a week is not enough to stay clean and healthy. You can get skin infections and all sorts of issues, especially if you're overweight. I do "European showers"... Turn the water on, soak down, turn the water off, shampoo and scrub, turn it back on to rinse, off to put the conditioner in, and on again for final rinse. But that's in part because I have very long, thick hair and it takes forever to get the shampoo worked through. Doing it this way saves on the electric bill because it cuts down the hot water time by at least 10 minutes a day. There are many ways to be more efficient with water use, but denying someone hygiene is abusive.
He either has some obsessive disorder or is a bully. They need to talk and he needs to compromise. She can suggest to take shorter showers every other day, lowering pressure in pipes, investing to that device which adds air to water in your shower etc. But he cant dictate how often she showers that is nuts. When she is on her period she should be showering even more than once per day. And the teenagers probably sweat a lot plus their hair is probably greasier. They need a daily shower probably.
He sound autistic/asperger-like... like he doesn't get the social norm...
Wow. This is so wrong and stupid in so many ways. What exactly do you find to love about him? He is nasty and controlling. This is ego, him thinking he is so great to save water. It is maybe a mental illness.
I had my epiphany on the realities of climate change a few years ago and it struck hard. I can empathise with this person and why he is doing what he is doing. It took a while for me to rationalise things and I hope this man will do the same.
I stop reading as soon as I see something in the lines of "He's perfect. He's so good to me (and the kids) but.... or except... If there's a but or an except, nothing's perfect.
I had a classmate in 5th grade whose family all bathed once a week. It was the late 80s in Southern California, and water conservation was The Thing, but... honestly, the smell. I'm sorry, but she stank. And OP's sons do, too. If her husband keeps this up, their teachers will notice the neglect and CPS will pay a visit. Maybe hubs will shape up once his sons are in foster care? Maybe OP will consider leaving him then? She could just save them all the trouble and surrender the boys right now. Then she can "use" the extra four showers per week.
"at first I just ignored his rule..." Both of them need to grow up, have adult conversations and learn how to compromise to be better together and not against each other.
There are lots of things going on. He is showing very controlling behavior, but what she doesn't say is how long she's in the shower. A bedtime wash should only need about 3 minutes, washing hair, especially long hair would take longer. From what I gathered from the way she worded thing I think she may be one of those people who soak in the shower. An idea to help conserve water is put a bucket in the shower, collect that water and use it on the garden or washing machine... even one person making a small change can help, comments about your not making a difference because your only one person is the type of thinking that goes towards creating these sort of problems. They need to sit down and talk this through and come up with a workable system they are both happy with. As for teenagers, they need a shower everyday - some smell like they need a shower every 5 minutes... its all those hormones, teenagers smell
I think its not a bad thing worrying about the environment and climate change, but also his behaviour is controlling and not okay. Maybe you need some couples counselling so he can begin to understand why his behaviour is problematic? Could he look into other methods of water conservation, like setting up a system using graywater (=used shower water!) for flushing the toilet?
My dad is a huge water saver. If it were up to him, he’d use the same basin of cold, dirty water to wash dishes for days. It’s pretty gross! He also saves every bit of aluminum foil and reuses it until it’s falling apart. He does the same with clothes; wears them until they fall apart. I swear he still wears shirts he had during my childhood (which was 30 years ago). In a lot of other ways, though, I admire his commitment to conservationism. He has a big heart and cares deeply about the environment.
Take a washcloth and wash the best you can. Every time you have to go.
If you live in a house you could put the plug in the tub and use the water, once it's cooled to water the garden.
With all the shpwer gels and shampoo in it? Isnt it harmful for the plants? I would say it is better for the toilet flushing
Load More Replies...I feel like I need to know if OP is taking ridiculously long showers or not, but either way, no one should limit someones freedom to shower.
I am worried that so many of the reddit commenters seem to believe that using water does not cause any wastage.
How much of a concern this is, depends on the specific situation. In a place that hasn't experienced drought recently, where you have a well and a leechfield, environmental impact is minimal from showering. Water table is unaffected, depending on how you source the energy to heat the water thats usually the biggest impact. In terms of private use its people in suburbia who water lawns and flowers who are a much bigger problem in other locales. And in nearly every case of water stress it's industrial uses that overshadow personal impact. I'm not saying don't conserve, but the impact of long showers or dripping faucets isn't the same in every environment.
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