Son Faces Dad’s “Ultimatum” After Refusing To Attend College And Wanting To Use His $400K Tuition Money For Starting A Business
What most often becomes the subject of conflicts within the family? To whomever knows the top five most frequent reasons for family quarrels, we are almost sure that conflicts over money, as well as disputes between parents and children, will be in this top five. And very often a combination happens – disputes between parents and children over money, and this is precisely what most often leads to a serious deterioration in family relations.
On the one hand, the older generation, of course, has life and financial experience that allowed them to at least raise these children. On the other hand, it often happens that the everyday experience that parents developed many years ago is rather inapplicable to the present in which their children live. It turns out that both sides are both right and wrong at the same time.
A classic example is this very story by user u/Night_Owl63, posted to the AITA Reddit community a few months ago, which has since gained around 22.1K upvotes and nearly 2K different comments. An excellent opportunity to study this story in detail.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a son who refused to go to college after graduating high school
Image credits: 401(K) 2012 (not the actual photo)
So, the author of the original post will soon be fifty, and he and his wife have a son who recently graduated from high school. The Original Poster admits that he and his spouse make good money, so they took the liberty of raising a fairly decent amount for a college fund for their son.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
The couple managed to gather nearly $400K for their son’s college fund as they started saving since the woman got pregnant
Starting to save money when the woman was pregnant, the couple managed to gather almost $400K. The money is in their own bank account, but the son knew about its existence. As the OP himself admits, he and his wife never gave their child strict instructions on how to live and what to do. No, of course, they tried to guide him, as probably all parents do, but nothing more.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
The parents never demanded academic excellence from their son or forced him into sports or some artistic activities. One might think that the child grew up spoiled, the OP notes, but he himself began to work before the age of majority, worked a lot, and didn’t even get his GED and go to college until he had his kid. “So I spoiled my kid like I wish I was spoiled,” the man himself admits.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
The young guy claimed he wanted to start his own business with that $400K as the start-up capital
So, when the son had finished his graduation party, the father asked what college he was going to go to. What came to the parents’ surprise was when the young guy simply stated that he was not going to continue his studies, did not want to work with his dad and mom in the family business, but wanted to set up his own. Moreover, according to the newly minted businessman, he also had start-up capital – that very $400K from his college fund.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
Parents refused to spend this money on the son’s business – at least till he comes up with a well-founded business plan
However, the novice businessman faced a serious problem with this. His parents flatly refused to give him any money unless he at least presented a well-founded business plan. Moreover, the father was ready to separately cover business management, accounting and law classes for his son – and only then allow him to use this money.
Image credits: Night_Owl63
The son just argued that his parents are holding his college fund hostage to make him do what they want
The mother agreed with her husband one hundred percent, but the son was indignant and claimed that he was under mental pressure for holding his college fund hostage to make him do what his parents want. In turn, the OP thinks, he and his wife are just doing their best to make sure their son’s business succeeds.
Image credits: David McElwee (not the actual photo)
People in the comments sided with the author of the post and his wife, saying that management classes are definitely a good idea
Most of the people in the comments agreed with the Original Poster – after all, it was the parents who saved this money, and it is quite logical that they determine what exactly the funds will be eventually spent on. As for the idea of taking management and accounting classes, the commenters liked it, and they suppose that classes would be more than helpful for the young guy.
According to some of the commenters, the first business lesson for a novice merchant should be: “If you refuse a good offer because ‘you don’t want to’ do something, you don’t have a business building mindset”. By the way, people in the comments just recommend that the parents let their son get a job and learn some responsibility before giving him $400K.
As you can see, even in seemingly happy and prosperous families, there are difficult everyday situations like this one. If you are interested in the topic, we can offer you this exciting selection of skeletons in family closets, and in addition, please feel free to leave your comments on this tale below.
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I think if he got the money in hand with no strings, you'd come home to find an exotic car in the driveway (which he'd drive for a week until it was totaled it he lost his license).
Very possible scenario for a fella his age. The young man doesn't have the experience to handle that amount of money. If he had a serious idea to begin with, he would have presented it immediately upon being denied his request and their suggestions to take the classes and submit a business plan. The poor guy doesn't really have a jumping off point that we know of. I would have had a potential plan in place before I suggested to my parents that I started my own business, to let them know that I was serious about the topic and had done some research on the subject. The parents are being very generous and helpful towards him.
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There was a guy a while back that became a lawyer. His father told him that if he passed the Bar, he'd give him 10 million dollars to start his own practice. The man took the 10 million and bought a building in New York. He then turned it into a halfway house for homeless men to get them off the street. The rules were, no drugs, no alcohol. If you did not know how to read and write, you would be taught. If you did not graduate high school, you would be given the opportunity to get a GED. When Haagen-Dazs met him at a charity function, they wanted to donate to his charity. He convinced them to open a store nearby where the men could work and earn a paycheck and work experience. They did so. Having a solid foundation of education can take you a long way, even if other peoples expectations of where you are headed in your life don't match up. I think the father in this post is very smart to make those conditions.
Great story, although he did not start his own firm, he did something Noble and established a facility to help others get their lives back on track, at least those who wanted to make something of their lives.
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Should have never told him about the fund in the first place, and certainly should have never told him how much was in there. All he needed to know is if he went to college, that they would pay for it.
That's very smart. My 14y/o son doesn't know this yet, but he has an inheritance coming, from his paternal gma. It's nowhere NEAR $400k. But it's in the 5 figures. He'll get it when he turns 18. But it will be controlled by us adults. Mom stipulated in her will that this money (she left the same to each of her grandkids) was to be used to help give him/them a good start in life, i.e. to help pay for college, or put a down payment on a house, etc. So it's not like we were just going to simply hand our freshly 18yo son $XX,XXX and say good luck. But I've definitely thought about how to best ensure that he uses it properly. Readng your comment, I think we may not tell him exactly how much he's getting, either. I think maybe we'll just tell him what his options are for how he may use it, & see which direction he wants to go. Or if he has any other ideas that we think are suitable. I think not being specific is a really smart idea, JL. Kid that young will just get dollar signs in their eyes. Good thinking.
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I was a bit on the fence first, seeing that Dad isn't exactly a self-made man himself as he and his wife pretty much got a paid off house and a flourishing business handed to them on a silver plate. But it isn't unreasonable to expect his son to gain some education in business management and laws and accounting first, before forking over 400,000 dollars (?). I would suggest to hear the son out, and if he has already good ideas and a sound business plan (some people really are born level-headed business people), then give him some money to get him started - if it tanks not all is lost, if it takes off, he can have more/the rest. I'd probably do the same in case of a college education, as in not handing over the entire college fund in one go, but give it in installments for each year or semester.
But the parents are only asking him to take some classes on finances, business management and laws so the son can know the styles of management, how money works in business and understand the caveat of the laws businesses have to follow if he is not willing to go work for a business that will allow him to understand these in action. Even if he has a really good idea, he still need to learn some stuff to properly put it in plan that'll help him flourish than struggle right off the bat. Also, college are known for making connections too so this do help with possible investors and future employees if he does hire them. All in all, if he does these and do provide a proper, valid plan; I can't see anything wrong with him getting 400k slowly over time. Reason why I said slowly is just because you have a really good idea and plan doesn't mean it'll just pan out the way you want it to. Taking it slow and carefully is good way at the time. Tbh, this isn't a bad request and he is only 18...
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I'm seventy-six, retired, and am doing well enough and have found I'm not too old to learn something new so why can't junior get with the program, (!?). NTA dad .
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To me this is simple. If the kid doesn't have the gumption to meet with those modest requirements, he definitely doesn't have what it takes to run a business. It wouldn't even be unreasonable for the parents to require him to get the money to pay the classes on his own. It would show his commitment to the business idea and he would have some skin in the game, so to speak. His plan puts all the risk on the parents and if things get tough (which it will), he is less likely to walk away if he has had to work for it.
No, no, no! Entitled kid and almost half a million $$ don't go well together.
NTA at all. While I agree with doing your thing and living how you want, you ought to at least have a blueprint in place to do so aka education. Not saying college is the only way but some classes should at least be mandatory before plunging into the unknown and uncertain. The kid here sounds like he's just living on wishful thinking with his whole business plan (or lack thereof). No one should go into the world unprepared, kid there had better learn that now or he might just have to learn it the hard way later.
You have to have some papers to start a business. My cousin couldn't learn, did the lowest practical school. His dad was a farmer, who had to sell his land, because they built a highway there and he started a business in the barn. They made doors, houses. He built his own house next to his dad. He's now a millionair who has cattle for fun in his huge backyard. His dad lived very sober and gave all his extra money to some good cause, but he gave him money too to start his business. Cousin doesn't live sober. Huge car, huge house. I don't think this son has to study, but he can't just demand 400.000 and disrespect his parents. Then you can better spend it on yourself or a bunch of dogs or a village in Africa.
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An ethics class might not be a bad idea either. If he wants a successful business, he needs to know how to treat people right, not just what he can do legally.
"Since he was still young, we let him make his own decisions." - Mistake #1. Youth and inexperience by definition means kids need help making smart decisions. They have no idea what a smart decision even looks like. Making kids defend their plans, pushing them out of their comfort zone, and demonstrating accountability can all be achieved while still letting them set the course of their life. Starting this process as a high school graduate is far too late. But kudos to them for at least being better late than never. Just don't give an inch at this point if you care about him. "We never expected academic excellence" - Big Mistake #2. Not everyone is an honors student. But, you don't have to have STEM aspirations to benefit from taking assignments seriously, doing the work and study needed, and turning in work on time with decent quality. Not expecting that is a wasted opportunity to teach work ethic and basic responsibility at best, and reinforcing irresponsibility at worst. I'd say, just from what they wrote, they created this monster. It's more than possible, given the trends of this generation, that the kid just wants to fund his life while he goes about attempting to make himself into an "influencer" or something equally vapid or ridiculous.
Because knowledge is power, he should take classes as well as get business experience- from your business. He should do some work in your office as well as on site construction. He would only be bettering himself! :-)
I wish I'd had capitol to start my own business but I wouldn't have known how to be successful with it at the age of 18. I am now trying to start my own business while juggling 100k in student loans for education that I'll never use.
NTA. They're not being unreasonable at all. Their son is spoiled and figured if he threw a big enough stink he'd suddenly be half a million richer. I hope they don't give in. It's not like their kid started dating someone they didn't approve of so they bought an overpriced kitchen renovation and sold him off down the river for defying them...
I did not read whether or not your son had ever worked, whether he needed too or not, for his 'own' spending money which gives one a sense of value for both themselves as well as how to better manage their money when given the proper parameters by their parents. NTA ! Your son does not come across as being mature or having enough of a 'backbone' to work, but more the type to put his hand out for a monthly allowance. Your plan is ideal so stick to it , otherwise he will burn through that $400K like a wildfire on the prairie.
An 18 year old boy has the frontal lobe brainpower of an orangutan. Their critical thinking skills aren't fully developed until he is around 25 (fact - look it up). That's why they come up with such daft ideas and take such risks. They think they're infallible! Also, with that attitude I wouldn't give him a dime until he's proved to you that he's capable of coming up with a business plan. If he can't, he's just blowing smoke and has no flipping idea what he's about. Believe me, I know. LOL!
Hang on to the fund until he’s 30 at least. He may find as he matures that actually college would be really beneficial.
This is a good lesson on the growing permissive/hand's off approach to parenting. It may seem loving and as though it teaches autonomy, but it needs to be age appropriate, gradually weaning children off of their parents' authority. Kids need boundaries throughout their growing years, with parents adjusting as they demonstrate their maturity.
Definitely NTA. Many people think because they have the means and know a few things they can start their own business and many do only to find out the hard way, they don't know diddly and know even less about running a business. Yes, I've run my own before and did quite well. I also learned enough to know I'd never do it again. First, unless you're in an area where there's no competition within 50 miles, you've already got no more than a 50% chance of surviving. Next it has to be something people won't just order online for less. So that pretty much narrows it down to a trade. If you're still in the game, you have to be very good at it and reasonably priced. You're also going to need workers and they can drag you down so fast you won't know what hit you. Good work and workers are hard to find. Simple question, if the applicant is so good at what he does, why isn't he working for a company making good money with benefits?
My first thought though was, $400K!? Is he stupid? If I'd had $400K after graduation I would've left it invested and lived very comfortably off the dividends. Seriously, I've had an investment account since I was a baby that has given at least a 10% return every year until last year (thank you Biden) when it took a loss for the second time in over 50 years. $400K means $40k/yr in dividends. I didn't make $40k/yr until I was in my 50's. When I graduated you could buy a dang nice house for $125k
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Sounds like this kid is used to having everything handed to him and doesn't want to work for it. No way would I give him that money!😒
I haven't scrolled down to see all comments, but depending on what kind of business the kid wants, $400,000 isn't going to go NEARLY as far as he appears to think. He's got possibly rent (or his back bedroom), machines, supplies, etc. Parents offer is great! I'd add in getting a job for X years in the field of his desired business, so he can see up close and personal the pitfalls possible. At 18, his naïveté makes him blind to how fast that money could vanish.
I agree that the courses should be necessary, but don't hold the money "ransom". I'm a parent myself, so I'm not parent shaming when I say this. But if you don't set expectations and teach them knowledge that they can use early on. Don't expect a bowl of cherries, expect a bowl of pits and stress. If you teach them knowledge and lessons early on in life. Then that adds on a consistency in life and prepares them for what they will do when graduated from high school. Don't just drop it on them at the end, get them ready. Use your knowledge to ready them and they will learn and thrive forward. Then after graduation, they will have a better advancement for money, procedures for solving problems and so on so forth. It is on the kid for acting rash, yes, but also on the parents for waiting this long to ferment capabilities in to the thought process of their child.
NTA, Dad. If son wants to start his own business, that's great. But in WHAT? Does he have any business in mind? Does he have any talents in anything? You've got to have some kind of game plan. You can't just go out and say "I want to start a business" with absolutely no skills. It doesn't sound like the son has any skills at all. No bank would give him a loan based on the black hole in space that he is.. Neither should the parents. Make him get some business education first. You can't buy a bar just because you like to drink. You've got to know how to run it and make it profitable. Doesn't sound like son knows anything about business. And if he doesn't, that's just pouring money down the drain.
Yeah, he(the son)is clearly still far too immature and out of touch with the reality of everything it would actually entail to start and maintain his own business if he can't see the extreme value in what he is being offered...guidance included. It's not like you see on TV. You don't just say, "I'm starting a business" and a fully functioning business suddenly appears. You literally need a business plan, some idea of how said business operates, basic accounting/sales/marketing/management skills and lots of hard work and self discipline and direction and sacrifice. I could go on...It would behoove him to take his father up on his offer. I don't think a taste of the real world would hurt either bc at that age you think you know it all, but you literally know nothing bc you have no real life experience. His father would be wise to stick with his decision bc that money was intended to be used to help him start his life with a strong foundation. Blowing $400k on wishful thinking isn't that.
These are the most reasonable and clearly nta parents I've ever seen on an aita post. Taking those classes is the bare minimum someone should do before using thousands of dollars to start a business. I never knew how much work and legal matters went into owning a business until I took 2 funeral home management classes and a funeral law class. If he isn't willing to put in even the smallest amount of effort, then he really isn't that committed to starting one. But it might just be a passing idea, since he doesn't know what he wants pursue. I spitballed a lot of nonsense ideas about my career plans (and I still do!) Also, I'm curious as to what type of business he wants to start lol
This is one of the times where I understand spoiling your kid. But from experience I can tell you that not even working in retail or managing a business will prepare you for owning your own! Especially when you are a teenager & have zero experience with any industry or any sort of business management. I thought I knew how to run my own business since I had managed multiple retail stores & restaurants over the years but I was in over my head once I started my online retail business (handmade cat trees & custom dog crates & dog beds, ready to assemble catios & custom small pet enclosures. As well as a side business where I design, build & decorate indoor & sometimes outdoor enclosures for turtles & tortoises. But that's all local so it's not as much work on the business end) it was SOO much different than running a business for someone else. I immediately enrolled in some business classes at the local college & it saved me from losing my dream! This kid needs proper training first!100%
"so you're telling me you'll allow me to use your money to start a business, but only if I go to school and get knowledge on RUNNING said business instead of going in completely blind? Ugh you're just the worst parent ever! How dare you not let me flounder and drown when the business I start crumbles down around me! School is stuuupid! Wah wah wah!" Come on now. Kids a moron who doesn't want to go to school anymore and thinks starting a business was a way to get out of doing and hard work.
The father is right he the son wants to start a business and that’s great however, having some business, law and accounting classes will benefit him his business and his life in the end. 400,000 is a lot and the classes will not cost much to complete and he will still have a lot left over. My child graduated college 60,000 total 4 years so him taking classes at a local community college or online will not cost nearly thay much.
The title of the op had me thinking something different. Holding funds hostage? Eh, I find it tough to justify the terminology (I could see how one might consider the money being held hostage), but yeah, the father seems quite happy to let the son have the money - whether it was for college or starting a job, and I think it's reasonable to want the son to at least get some basic education on business. Now, if the son actually was able to get connections and a proper business plan, effectively skipping a need to get schooling? ...yeah I think he should get schooling to avoid being screwed over but that's the ONLY way I could imagine the father being the AH. But the son hasn't appeared to do anything but whine about not getting the money.
As a dad, about the same age as yourself, I sympathize. We want the best for our children; and we are used to being able to just say: "here's how it's going to be..." Because they weren't adults. I also agree your wishes that he e take so my e business classes are not unreasonable. The problem Im seeing though, is you have raised him, telling him the money was his (albeit for college). He has grown up knowing he had money in the bank. You did NOT seperate it into a separate college account, etc. As parents we need to remember that once our children hit age eighteen, we lose ALL authority, except that of a landlord; and in many states we don't even have landlord rights if they are still in high school. We do not have the legal ability to tell him that hat he can or can not do. Now, if you had set the money into a college trust, the trust would have it's legal authorities to govern how and if the money is used.
Now that he is eighteen he has all legal right to ownership of what's his; and as mentioned, you made clear he had money for college after high school. Sadly, he has the right to use it how he wants. You can refuse to give it to him, but:. You might cause even more problems in the relationship... He COULD decide to sue you for the money, and tbh it would be a crapshoot on who the judge sided with. And you would definitely have more relationship problems. I do NOT think you're the AH. I don't think he is either; he is simply young and headstrong (weren't we all?). In the end you're gonna have to do what you think is the best, and hopefully things will work out.
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He clearly has no intention to actually run a business. He just wants the money so he can mess around without having to work.
Soft nta. He said himself that he wanted to spoil his kid like he wished he was, so is it really any surprise that they ended up with a spoiled kid?
He wants to "start a business of his own?" Is that his whole business plan? Stick to your guns!
"We spoiled our son to an extreme degree and now he's acting spoiled! How did this happen?!?" Parents who raise their kids like that only have themselves to blame when the apple has worms. I wouldn't have given him a dime of that 400k. A college fund is just that - for college. Yet these parents were ready to shell out more money and pay separately for college so they could give this ingrate the full 400k. jfc. Rich people are clueless sometimes.
Giving kids money for college is a really bad idea. First, they should probably not even mess with college unless they are going into STEM. Most other degrees seem to lead to "Would you like a hot apple pie with your order?" Second, they should have skin in the game. If they are not getting a scholarship, then they need to be paying much of the cost. You can LOAN them some money, but they should be working too. They can attend school locally and remain at home to save money. Most of the first 2 years of your degree work can be done at community college.
I’m Calling this a full on fake story. BPnhas many but at least most try and make them seem plausible. What school charges 400k and what parent saves that for school? Nope.
Atlasheld, have you checked on college tuition rates? Yes, community colleges and your "lesser" universities aren't that high, but the Ivy League universities, and places like Stanford, UC Berkeley, and the like? You can buy a house for less than what they charge...it's ridiculous! I am a bit curious as to how they saved that much, but it can be done...with good investing.
Load More Replies... BP, *please* don't do these AITA stories! I want to see creative, interesting, unique, or funny content. These stories are just a huge downer and useless. None of us know enough of the details to make a judgement, and why should we anyway? About people we don't know and never will?
You could stop reading these y'know? And there are some artsy and unique content in the other categories on this site.
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Why do you think that? You need to provide your reasoning.
Load More Replies... I think if he got the money in hand with no strings, you'd come home to find an exotic car in the driveway (which he'd drive for a week until it was totaled it he lost his license).
Very possible scenario for a fella his age. The young man doesn't have the experience to handle that amount of money. If he had a serious idea to begin with, he would have presented it immediately upon being denied his request and their suggestions to take the classes and submit a business plan. The poor guy doesn't really have a jumping off point that we know of. I would have had a potential plan in place before I suggested to my parents that I started my own business, to let them know that I was serious about the topic and had done some research on the subject. The parents are being very generous and helpful towards him.
Load More Replies... There was a guy a while back that became a lawyer. His father told him that if he passed the Bar, he'd give him 10 million dollars to start his own practice. The man took the 10 million and bought a building in New York. He then turned it into a halfway house for homeless men to get them off the street. The rules were, no drugs, no alcohol. If you did not know how to read and write, you would be taught. If you did not graduate high school, you would be given the opportunity to get a GED. When Haagen-Dazs met him at a charity function, they wanted to donate to his charity. He convinced them to open a store nearby where the men could work and earn a paycheck and work experience. They did so. Having a solid foundation of education can take you a long way, even if other peoples expectations of where you are headed in your life don't match up. I think the father in this post is very smart to make those conditions.
Great story, although he did not start his own firm, he did something Noble and established a facility to help others get their lives back on track, at least those who wanted to make something of their lives.
Load More Replies... Should have never told him about the fund in the first place, and certainly should have never told him how much was in there. All he needed to know is if he went to college, that they would pay for it.
That's very smart. My 14y/o son doesn't know this yet, but he has an inheritance coming, from his paternal gma. It's nowhere NEAR $400k. But it's in the 5 figures. He'll get it when he turns 18. But it will be controlled by us adults. Mom stipulated in her will that this money (she left the same to each of her grandkids) was to be used to help give him/them a good start in life, i.e. to help pay for college, or put a down payment on a house, etc. So it's not like we were just going to simply hand our freshly 18yo son $XX,XXX and say good luck. But I've definitely thought about how to best ensure that he uses it properly. Readng your comment, I think we may not tell him exactly how much he's getting, either. I think maybe we'll just tell him what his options are for how he may use it, & see which direction he wants to go. Or if he has any other ideas that we think are suitable. I think not being specific is a really smart idea, JL. Kid that young will just get dollar signs in their eyes. Good thinking.
Load More Replies... I was a bit on the fence first, seeing that Dad isn't exactly a self-made man himself as he and his wife pretty much got a paid off house and a flourishing business handed to them on a silver plate. But it isn't unreasonable to expect his son to gain some education in business management and laws and accounting first, before forking over 400,000 dollars (?). I would suggest to hear the son out, and if he has already good ideas and a sound business plan (some people really are born level-headed business people), then give him some money to get him started - if it tanks not all is lost, if it takes off, he can have more/the rest. I'd probably do the same in case of a college education, as in not handing over the entire college fund in one go, but give it in installments for each year or semester.
But the parents are only asking him to take some classes on finances, business management and laws so the son can know the styles of management, how money works in business and understand the caveat of the laws businesses have to follow if he is not willing to go work for a business that will allow him to understand these in action. Even if he has a really good idea, he still need to learn some stuff to properly put it in plan that'll help him flourish than struggle right off the bat. Also, college are known for making connections too so this do help with possible investors and future employees if he does hire them. All in all, if he does these and do provide a proper, valid plan; I can't see anything wrong with him getting 400k slowly over time. Reason why I said slowly is just because you have a really good idea and plan doesn't mean it'll just pan out the way you want it to. Taking it slow and carefully is good way at the time. Tbh, this isn't a bad request and he is only 18...
Load More Replies... I'm seventy-six, retired, and am doing well enough and have found I'm not too old to learn something new so why can't junior get with the program, (!?). NTA dad .
Load More Replies... To me this is simple. If the kid doesn't have the gumption to meet with those modest requirements, he definitely doesn't have what it takes to run a business. It wouldn't even be unreasonable for the parents to require him to get the money to pay the classes on his own. It would show his commitment to the business idea and he would have some skin in the game, so to speak. His plan puts all the risk on the parents and if things get tough (which it will), he is less likely to walk away if he has had to work for it.
No, no, no! Entitled kid and almost half a million $$ don't go well together.
NTA at all. While I agree with doing your thing and living how you want, you ought to at least have a blueprint in place to do so aka education. Not saying college is the only way but some classes should at least be mandatory before plunging into the unknown and uncertain. The kid here sounds like he's just living on wishful thinking with his whole business plan (or lack thereof). No one should go into the world unprepared, kid there had better learn that now or he might just have to learn it the hard way later.
You have to have some papers to start a business. My cousin couldn't learn, did the lowest practical school. His dad was a farmer, who had to sell his land, because they built a highway there and he started a business in the barn. They made doors, houses. He built his own house next to his dad. He's now a millionair who has cattle for fun in his huge backyard. His dad lived very sober and gave all his extra money to some good cause, but he gave him money too to start his business. Cousin doesn't live sober. Huge car, huge house. I don't think this son has to study, but he can't just demand 400.000 and disrespect his parents. Then you can better spend it on yourself or a bunch of dogs or a village in Africa.
Load More Replies... An ethics class might not be a bad idea either. If he wants a successful business, he needs to know how to treat people right, not just what he can do legally.
"Since he was still young, we let him make his own decisions." - Mistake #1. Youth and inexperience by definition means kids need help making smart decisions. They have no idea what a smart decision even looks like. Making kids defend their plans, pushing them out of their comfort zone, and demonstrating accountability can all be achieved while still letting them set the course of their life. Starting this process as a high school graduate is far too late. But kudos to them for at least being better late than never. Just don't give an inch at this point if you care about him. "We never expected academic excellence" - Big Mistake #2. Not everyone is an honors student. But, you don't have to have STEM aspirations to benefit from taking assignments seriously, doing the work and study needed, and turning in work on time with decent quality. Not expecting that is a wasted opportunity to teach work ethic and basic responsibility at best, and reinforcing irresponsibility at worst. I'd say, just from what they wrote, they created this monster. It's more than possible, given the trends of this generation, that the kid just wants to fund his life while he goes about attempting to make himself into an "influencer" or something equally vapid or ridiculous.
Because knowledge is power, he should take classes as well as get business experience- from your business. He should do some work in your office as well as on site construction. He would only be bettering himself! :-)
I wish I'd had capitol to start my own business but I wouldn't have known how to be successful with it at the age of 18. I am now trying to start my own business while juggling 100k in student loans for education that I'll never use.
NTA. They're not being unreasonable at all. Their son is spoiled and figured if he threw a big enough stink he'd suddenly be half a million richer. I hope they don't give in. It's not like their kid started dating someone they didn't approve of so they bought an overpriced kitchen renovation and sold him off down the river for defying them...
I did not read whether or not your son had ever worked, whether he needed too or not, for his 'own' spending money which gives one a sense of value for both themselves as well as how to better manage their money when given the proper parameters by their parents. NTA ! Your son does not come across as being mature or having enough of a 'backbone' to work, but more the type to put his hand out for a monthly allowance. Your plan is ideal so stick to it , otherwise he will burn through that $400K like a wildfire on the prairie.
An 18 year old boy has the frontal lobe brainpower of an orangutan. Their critical thinking skills aren't fully developed until he is around 25 (fact - look it up). That's why they come up with such daft ideas and take such risks. They think they're infallible! Also, with that attitude I wouldn't give him a dime until he's proved to you that he's capable of coming up with a business plan. If he can't, he's just blowing smoke and has no flipping idea what he's about. Believe me, I know. LOL!
Hang on to the fund until he’s 30 at least. He may find as he matures that actually college would be really beneficial.
This is a good lesson on the growing permissive/hand's off approach to parenting. It may seem loving and as though it teaches autonomy, but it needs to be age appropriate, gradually weaning children off of their parents' authority. Kids need boundaries throughout their growing years, with parents adjusting as they demonstrate their maturity.
Definitely NTA. Many people think because they have the means and know a few things they can start their own business and many do only to find out the hard way, they don't know diddly and know even less about running a business. Yes, I've run my own before and did quite well. I also learned enough to know I'd never do it again. First, unless you're in an area where there's no competition within 50 miles, you've already got no more than a 50% chance of surviving. Next it has to be something people won't just order online for less. So that pretty much narrows it down to a trade. If you're still in the game, you have to be very good at it and reasonably priced. You're also going to need workers and they can drag you down so fast you won't know what hit you. Good work and workers are hard to find. Simple question, if the applicant is so good at what he does, why isn't he working for a company making good money with benefits?
My first thought though was, $400K!? Is he stupid? If I'd had $400K after graduation I would've left it invested and lived very comfortably off the dividends. Seriously, I've had an investment account since I was a baby that has given at least a 10% return every year until last year (thank you Biden) when it took a loss for the second time in over 50 years. $400K means $40k/yr in dividends. I didn't make $40k/yr until I was in my 50's. When I graduated you could buy a dang nice house for $125k
Load More Replies... Sounds like this kid is used to having everything handed to him and doesn't want to work for it. No way would I give him that money!😒
I haven't scrolled down to see all comments, but depending on what kind of business the kid wants, $400,000 isn't going to go NEARLY as far as he appears to think. He's got possibly rent (or his back bedroom), machines, supplies, etc. Parents offer is great! I'd add in getting a job for X years in the field of his desired business, so he can see up close and personal the pitfalls possible. At 18, his naïveté makes him blind to how fast that money could vanish.
I agree that the courses should be necessary, but don't hold the money "ransom". I'm a parent myself, so I'm not parent shaming when I say this. But if you don't set expectations and teach them knowledge that they can use early on. Don't expect a bowl of cherries, expect a bowl of pits and stress. If you teach them knowledge and lessons early on in life. Then that adds on a consistency in life and prepares them for what they will do when graduated from high school. Don't just drop it on them at the end, get them ready. Use your knowledge to ready them and they will learn and thrive forward. Then after graduation, they will have a better advancement for money, procedures for solving problems and so on so forth. It is on the kid for acting rash, yes, but also on the parents for waiting this long to ferment capabilities in to the thought process of their child.
NTA, Dad. If son wants to start his own business, that's great. But in WHAT? Does he have any business in mind? Does he have any talents in anything? You've got to have some kind of game plan. You can't just go out and say "I want to start a business" with absolutely no skills. It doesn't sound like the son has any skills at all. No bank would give him a loan based on the black hole in space that he is.. Neither should the parents. Make him get some business education first. You can't buy a bar just because you like to drink. You've got to know how to run it and make it profitable. Doesn't sound like son knows anything about business. And if he doesn't, that's just pouring money down the drain.
Yeah, he(the son)is clearly still far too immature and out of touch with the reality of everything it would actually entail to start and maintain his own business if he can't see the extreme value in what he is being offered...guidance included. It's not like you see on TV. You don't just say, "I'm starting a business" and a fully functioning business suddenly appears. You literally need a business plan, some idea of how said business operates, basic accounting/sales/marketing/management skills and lots of hard work and self discipline and direction and sacrifice. I could go on...It would behoove him to take his father up on his offer. I don't think a taste of the real world would hurt either bc at that age you think you know it all, but you literally know nothing bc you have no real life experience. His father would be wise to stick with his decision bc that money was intended to be used to help him start his life with a strong foundation. Blowing $400k on wishful thinking isn't that.
These are the most reasonable and clearly nta parents I've ever seen on an aita post. Taking those classes is the bare minimum someone should do before using thousands of dollars to start a business. I never knew how much work and legal matters went into owning a business until I took 2 funeral home management classes and a funeral law class. If he isn't willing to put in even the smallest amount of effort, then he really isn't that committed to starting one. But it might just be a passing idea, since he doesn't know what he wants pursue. I spitballed a lot of nonsense ideas about my career plans (and I still do!) Also, I'm curious as to what type of business he wants to start lol
This is one of the times where I understand spoiling your kid. But from experience I can tell you that not even working in retail or managing a business will prepare you for owning your own! Especially when you are a teenager & have zero experience with any industry or any sort of business management. I thought I knew how to run my own business since I had managed multiple retail stores & restaurants over the years but I was in over my head once I started my online retail business (handmade cat trees & custom dog crates & dog beds, ready to assemble catios & custom small pet enclosures. As well as a side business where I design, build & decorate indoor & sometimes outdoor enclosures for turtles & tortoises. But that's all local so it's not as much work on the business end) it was SOO much different than running a business for someone else. I immediately enrolled in some business classes at the local college & it saved me from losing my dream! This kid needs proper training first!100%
"so you're telling me you'll allow me to use your money to start a business, but only if I go to school and get knowledge on RUNNING said business instead of going in completely blind? Ugh you're just the worst parent ever! How dare you not let me flounder and drown when the business I start crumbles down around me! School is stuuupid! Wah wah wah!" Come on now. Kids a moron who doesn't want to go to school anymore and thinks starting a business was a way to get out of doing and hard work.
The father is right he the son wants to start a business and that’s great however, having some business, law and accounting classes will benefit him his business and his life in the end. 400,000 is a lot and the classes will not cost much to complete and he will still have a lot left over. My child graduated college 60,000 total 4 years so him taking classes at a local community college or online will not cost nearly thay much.
The title of the op had me thinking something different. Holding funds hostage? Eh, I find it tough to justify the terminology (I could see how one might consider the money being held hostage), but yeah, the father seems quite happy to let the son have the money - whether it was for college or starting a job, and I think it's reasonable to want the son to at least get some basic education on business. Now, if the son actually was able to get connections and a proper business plan, effectively skipping a need to get schooling? ...yeah I think he should get schooling to avoid being screwed over but that's the ONLY way I could imagine the father being the AH. But the son hasn't appeared to do anything but whine about not getting the money.
As a dad, about the same age as yourself, I sympathize. We want the best for our children; and we are used to being able to just say: "here's how it's going to be..." Because they weren't adults. I also agree your wishes that he e take so my e business classes are not unreasonable. The problem Im seeing though, is you have raised him, telling him the money was his (albeit for college). He has grown up knowing he had money in the bank. You did NOT seperate it into a separate college account, etc. As parents we need to remember that once our children hit age eighteen, we lose ALL authority, except that of a landlord; and in many states we don't even have landlord rights if they are still in high school. We do not have the legal ability to tell him that hat he can or can not do. Now, if you had set the money into a college trust, the trust would have it's legal authorities to govern how and if the money is used.
Now that he is eighteen he has all legal right to ownership of what's his; and as mentioned, you made clear he had money for college after high school. Sadly, he has the right to use it how he wants. You can refuse to give it to him, but:. You might cause even more problems in the relationship... He COULD decide to sue you for the money, and tbh it would be a crapshoot on who the judge sided with. And you would definitely have more relationship problems. I do NOT think you're the AH. I don't think he is either; he is simply young and headstrong (weren't we all?). In the end you're gonna have to do what you think is the best, and hopefully things will work out.
Load More Replies... He clearly has no intention to actually run a business. He just wants the money so he can mess around without having to work.
Soft nta. He said himself that he wanted to spoil his kid like he wished he was, so is it really any surprise that they ended up with a spoiled kid?
He wants to "start a business of his own?" Is that his whole business plan? Stick to your guns!
"We spoiled our son to an extreme degree and now he's acting spoiled! How did this happen?!?" Parents who raise their kids like that only have themselves to blame when the apple has worms. I wouldn't have given him a dime of that 400k. A college fund is just that - for college. Yet these parents were ready to shell out more money and pay separately for college so they could give this ingrate the full 400k. jfc. Rich people are clueless sometimes.
Giving kids money for college is a really bad idea. First, they should probably not even mess with college unless they are going into STEM. Most other degrees seem to lead to "Would you like a hot apple pie with your order?" Second, they should have skin in the game. If they are not getting a scholarship, then they need to be paying much of the cost. You can LOAN them some money, but they should be working too. They can attend school locally and remain at home to save money. Most of the first 2 years of your degree work can be done at community college.
I’m Calling this a full on fake story. BPnhas many but at least most try and make them seem plausible. What school charges 400k and what parent saves that for school? Nope.
Atlasheld, have you checked on college tuition rates? Yes, community colleges and your "lesser" universities aren't that high, but the Ivy League universities, and places like Stanford, UC Berkeley, and the like? You can buy a house for less than what they charge...it's ridiculous! I am a bit curious as to how they saved that much, but it can be done...with good investing.
Load More Replies... BP, *please* don't do these AITA stories! I want to see creative, interesting, unique, or funny content. These stories are just a huge downer and useless. None of us know enough of the details to make a judgement, and why should we anyway? About people we don't know and never will?
You could stop reading these y'know? And there are some artsy and unique content in the other categories on this site.
Load More Replies... Why do you think that? You need to provide your reasoning.
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