This Group Is Dedicated To Jokes, And Here Are 45 Of Their Funniest Ones

Jaded Queen 5 years ago

Money is always important. If u have enough only than humor and wit can do the job. But so is not catfishing

0points

M O'Connell 5 years ago

I'm my own boss, I make my own hours, and i've got a $250,000 vehicle I only use two weeks a year!... Said the farmer.

9points

Susan Miller 5 years ago

Baby you can drive my car...

4points

Andrew Gibb 5 years ago

...yes, I'm gonna be a star. Baby, you can drive my car. And maybe I'll love you...

0points

Pepper Pots 5 years ago

that was funny lol

4points

M Kate McCulloch 5 years ago

Well, I'm married and all, but I would have thought that was clever. Keep trying!

2points

SykesDaMan 5 years ago

Be honest: That's what the ad said when you applied for the position! :)

2points

manon M 5 years ago

Choisi mieux tes dates enfin!!

2points

Doggo Georgia 5 years ago

Je suis d'accord, il devrait vraiment!

0points

SykesDaMan 5 years ago

Be honest: That was the job description when you applied!! :)

1point

Dariusz Wiśniewski 4 years ago

i thought tinder gals are out for c**k,not wedding

0points

Claire Storace 5 years ago

This made me giggle!!!

0points

#2

The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

selfunimployed Report

Final score:

355points

POST

Kesam 5 years ago

Upvote upvote upvote!

95points

ADHORTATOR 5 years ago

Done done done!

4points

Fieke Engelen 5 years ago

Why? I don't get it. I am an Aussie

1point

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

Override the veto

0points

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

And, please: Vote! Vote! Vote!

0points

JJ Xu 5 years ago (edited)

This post needs to be #1, and looks like my vote bumped it into the top spot!

0points

ej wey 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

fuggnuggins 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Three Random Words 5 years ago

No, it's just federal police officers with it clearly marked on the chest and badge number on the shoulder. They were sent to protect a federal courthouse in Portland worth at least $500 million. Also what it wrong with mayors who will not protect the property of merchants from so called AntiFa fascists thugs who have been caught beating up elder citizens, rioters, vandals and looters? Actual protestors feel betrayed, some even cooperate with police and turnover the above idiots.

3points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Wish this were a joke. Not funny at all.

3points

backatya 5 years ago

and trumps dictatorship

3points

Sharon Hyatt 5 years ago

Actually that is sad when you think about it. Americans deserve better than that. . . . .

2points

i0ana 5 years ago

"Amen" :)

2points

Miklós Nagy 5 years ago

Upvote it as long as we can!

2points

Nagawa (Cofa) Kishiki 5 years ago

You have to build a Tiananmen Square first.

2points

Bacony 5 years ago

Or, a Tianamen Tetrahedron.

0points

Daniella Strahl 4 years ago

i like trump

1point

Lizzie Robbins 5 years ago

As an American teenager with lots of anxiety this worries me a lot! I didn’t even know what to do anymore 😢

1point

ArhomR 5 years ago

Behave. Research. Vote. You’ll be fine. America is going to be fine, too. There are rough times in every country and things can improve. With a bit more experience, you’ll come to understand this. 🤓

0points

#3

My wife left me because I am insecure No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee

Nintendant42 Report

Final score:

340points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

🤣🤣

74points

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

I feel like my dog feels the same way...

6points

Fancy chicken nugget 5 years ago

Omg this one is hilarious 🤣 😆

3points

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

🤣

1point

ArhomR 5 years ago

Bahahaha!

0points

Dorothy Cloud 5 years ago

That is funny..

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

Plagiarized joke heard that from Over attached GF jokes just flipped the genders to make it look original.

0points

Jun Wan 5 years ago

I don't get it....... \(-_-)/

0points

ebony1k124 touch 5 years ago

This is cute!

0points

Curry on... 5 years ago

???

0points

Dilly Millandry 5 years ago

So insecure if she leaves for 5 minutes they assume the worst.

1point

#4

Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed… 2 minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

albomanthegreat Report

Final score:

317points

POST

SeidWolf 5 years ago

Teehehehe...

64points

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

This girlfriend is guilty of murder by words. At least his self esteem got brutally beaten.

11points

Dilly Millandry 5 years ago

or her self esteem... we don't know their gender.

0points

Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago

Burn baby burn.

5points

Steve Cruz 5 years ago

OUCH!

3points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Cheer up, she could have also shot and killed you because you were resisting arrest and she was in fear of her life.

2points

Miss Cris 5 years ago

Only in US

2points

Courtney Christelle 5 years ago

Awww.

2points

Claire Storace 5 years ago

Hahahahaha

1point

Party Poison 5 years ago

aw man

1point

Vinniegret 4 years ago

Assault with a dead weapon

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

wooooow

0points

#5

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3? In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

Obloinator Report

Final score:

306points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

Hahaha.. brilliant one, this is..

99points

Scagsy 5 years ago

The Force is strong with this one

6points

Raine Soo 5 years ago

Funny wonderfully, this joke was.

5points

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

Hilarious this is. Star Wars nerd I am.

2points

Andrew Smith 5 years ago

Hope that they make 7 8 9 one day, 2020 and still waiting.

1point

Debi Blackshaw 5 years ago

That made my day lol

1point

Casey Dalgo 2 years ago

Lol

0points

Sammy G 4 years ago

When 4 came out in 1977, it was just "Star Wars." Lucas didn't know if any additional movies would get made. It became Episode 4 after Empire Strikes Back was made. I saw Star Wars in the theater in 1977.

0points

backatya 5 years ago

why not

0points

Pepper Pots 5 years ago

LOL, I thought of my cat,

0points

#6

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”. Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

JEANSANCHEZ13 Report

Final score:

293points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

Well, cremation is some peoples last chance of having a smoking hot body..

130points

Doggo Georgia 5 years ago

Lol 🤣

6points

Josh Tall 4 years ago

BOOOOOOOOO!

0points

sammi Shareed 5 years ago

Lol good one

0points

Paul Jordan 5 years ago

For some, the ONLY chance... lqtm

0points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

Omg perfect XD

0points

Ivy Zhang 5 years ago

omg one time in class, the teacher as a joke was like "were any of u smoking last night?" (we were learning about smoking in health class) and this kid was like, "yea i was, smoking hot"

8points

Troux 5 years ago

Don't feel bad, people in that line of work are getting 'fired' all the time.

7points

Lynn Gardenhire 5 years ago

While I laughed so hard I cried, my husband was stunned speechless!

2points

Fanboy 5 years ago

What about sea burial which would be my choice. :p

1point

Henry Carter 5 years ago

Do not worry if your Roku device gets too hot for you to handle, contact our support team @ +1-866-800-1476 or visit https://www.go-roku-com-technical-support.com/how-to-fix-roku-overheating-issue/ to resolve your Roku overheating issues.

1point

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

OMG I would have laughed so hard, cried while I did it, but so very hard. Even dead

1point

Trying so hard thinking 5 years ago

Let the fire get higher....

1point

backatya 5 years ago

preserved or crispy?

0points

backatya 5 years ago

lol

0points

#7

America seems to have successfully prevented a second wave of corona By keeping the first one going

the-koolio Report

Final score:

283points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

Not really a joke now, is it?

88points

Hazel Waring 5 years ago

Disagree - I think the USA's dealing with corona is absolutely a joke! But tbh I'm English and the UK isn't too far behind XD

28points

Bacony 5 years ago

Comedy = Tragedy + Time

16points

Grumble O'Pug 5 years ago

If you can't laugh, you are crying,.

6points

Fred Bigox 5 years ago

Yes it is, but not as funny as the orange buffoon running the country

4points

jevais 5 years ago (edited)

Vic I'm Swiss and it's not better here. Every day there's about a hundred of new cases of Covid 19. At first our federal government said masks were useless, now we must wear them to shops, public transports, movies. Last year the government order to destroy several thousand tons of outdated masks and forgot to order new ones! Hence we have to wear them everywhere! This not a joke, just very stupid politics and politicians.

3points

Parmeisan 5 years ago

We laugh so we don't cry

3points

Vic 5 years ago

Oh come on people, what's with the downvotes.. that was sarcasm..

3points

Carlos Ferreira 5 years ago

No, but our country's response and handling of it is.

3points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

zombie storm....Thanks 2020 I wish it was 2012 then avengers would surprise me

0points

Paul Jordan 5 years ago

black humour?

0points

J Sizz 5 years ago

It's funny cuz it's true.....

5points

Animal lover❤ 5 years ago

Ha ha.... Man we're dead

4points

Martha Higgins 5 years ago

Rather like planning for a second round of stimulus payments when they haven't even managed to get the first round of payments to everyone yet. Me included!

2points

Colleen 5 years ago

I am stealing that.

1point

Jessica Muñoz 5 years ago

Sad but true.

1point

Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago

It really is not the only one though

0points

Hugh Walter 5 years ago

Most humor needs a victim, sadly; this joke took 150,000!

0points

Zander Lyons 5 years ago

This one is very bad. I mean who hasnt heard this one?

0points

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

To true...

0points

#8

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

BrainStorm07 Report

Final score:

283points

POST

Kenny Kulbiski 5 years ago

Still true even if Jobs is dead.

96points

Miss Cris 5 years ago

Still a fruit

0points

Eagle Girl 5 years ago

At least Job's AI is intelligent

-2points

Devyn Nagy 5 years ago

Oh wow, he died? I didn't know that!

-3points

kaci 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Susy Garner 5 years ago

More like apples to Cheetos.

2points

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

You nailed it

0points

Party Poison 5 years ago

that was the worst pun, AND I LOVE IT

2points

Fanboy 5 years ago

Plus Jobs would have been self made billionaire Before he became Potus while Trumper became PoTUS then used it become a billionaire (His life long dream)

1point

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Even dead Jobs would be a better President.

1point

Miklós Nagy 5 years ago

Even thought he was just another psychopath corporate owner who disowned his own daughter and used actual slavery to make his products?

1point

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

The only difference is that Trump wanted to date his own daughter instead of writing her out his will.

2points

Animal lover❤ 5 years ago

Ahahahaha

1point

Doggo Georgia 5 years ago

Hahahahaha 😃

1point

Vic 5 years ago

Well one can blow ones own TRUMPet, never heard of anyone blowing their JOBSets..

1point

Irene Carlyle 5 years ago

YES!! (sigh)

0points

Lydia Shen 5 years ago

Stupiddd b cus trump is orange :P

0points

DisastrousFrenchGuy Report

#9

A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank The rabbit says : I think I might be a type O.

Final score:

281points

POST

Hazel Waring 5 years ago

A+ joke right here

112points

Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago

Let’s get you a round of O+. 👏👏👏

12points

Vic 5 years ago

Oh come, rabbit, B positive..

23points

ML 5 years ago

I had to read it out loud to get it. Fut bunny. Sorry. But funny

10points

Hannah M 5 years ago

That took me way too long

9points

Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago

Took me a while to get this one.

8points

Janine B. 5 years ago

I still don't get it.

2points

Teresa Dougan 5 years ago

took me a minute to get the joke. Hey, can't help it. I am an old lady

4points

Kerri Russ 5 years ago

Me too... but I still don't get it. Damned COVID anxiety, draining my ability to think.

3points

Courtney Christelle 5 years ago

Sounds like a dad joke.

4points

Laura Gastelum 5 years ago

I thought more like a kids joke but still love it

0points

Renee Bravo 5 years ago (edited)

That's an hysterical type O!

3points

Grumble O'Pug 5 years ago

LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!!

2points

JustAWeirdoGirlChild 5 years ago

i dont get it..

3points

Fieke Engelen 5 years ago

clever

1point

#10

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "BOOM" I hope that blew your minds

fifty-fives Report

Final score:

274points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

Well, it did!

64points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

End then then i return the grenade to the stormtroomper using the force so karma happened

0points

Scagsy 5 years ago

More of a word play than a joke but a good one nonetheless

5points

kasa alex 5 years ago

That's great

4points

Cat Nip Gal 5 years ago

🤯

2points

Lorraine R 5 years ago

Then there's that thing you coom your hair with.

1point

S 5 years ago

This is an old Gallagher joke

1point

Bacony 5 years ago

It will be if you don't stop messing around near it.

1point

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Chuckling

1point

Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 5 years ago

Blew it sky high!

1point

Douglas Cummings 4 years ago

isn't this an old Gallager Bit?

0points

#11

‌‌I j‌‌ust d‌‌iscovered t‌‌hat t‌‌he w‌‌ord "‌‌nothing" i‌‌s a‌‌ p‌‌alindrome... Backwards i‌‌t s‌‌pells "‌‌gnihton", w‌‌hich a‌‌lso m‌‌eans n‌‌othing.

vpetrychuk Report

Final score:

272points

POST

A Anne Easter-Sova 5 years ago

Woke my husband up, laughing so much

92points

manon M 5 years ago

@Anne Easter-Sova I hope he laughed too because this one is excellent !! 😆

7points

Thomas Helms 5 years ago

I think "gnihton" needs to be an official word meaning "nothing". Someone call Webster!

4points

Hazel Gray 5 years ago

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I"M DYING

1point

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Gotta love it!

1point

backatya 5 years ago

lol

1point

Rustyn Birch 5 years ago

Well played. :)

1point

Irene Carlyle 5 years ago

this one made my head hurt

0points

Onimaro Efetie 5 years ago

😁😁🤣

0points

#12

What is a Karen called in Europe? An American.

CrazyGeetar Report

Final score:

262points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

Shouldn't it be Amerikaren? Since Karen's are all over the world..

91points

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

It should be this way. I live in Europe and I have met a few local Karens.

11points

fuggnuggins 5 years ago

Karen is US's second largest export, right after mandatory democracy.

8points

Camilla Marthedal Knudsen 4 years ago

I think the amount of suppressed sexuality, white supremacy mixed with religion and entitled nationalism it takes to create a Karen is quite rare in other countries.

1point

Suzanne Smith 4 years ago

F**king mansplaining here too???

0points

Kim Andersen 5 years ago

Want to speak with the manager about it?

0points

Ivana Bogdan 5 years ago

Amerikan or Muricaa :D

0points

Serge Goussaert 5 years ago

If you are American you just made the jokes point lol

-1point

Carlos Ferreira 5 years ago

They're Kareninas in Russia

12points

SoozeeQ 5 years ago

I see what you did there!

3points

Brenda Simba Simnaz 5 years ago

So true......and heard one complaining why no one speaks English.....I was like ˋyou are in Germany ....

5points

Jenny August 5 years ago

Don’t judge us all by what some do. You’re GERMAN right?

-1point

Ratko Glušević 5 years ago

This one is true.

5points

Raine Soo 5 years ago

Ha, ha, ha! Priceless!

5points

Evripidou Maria 5 years ago

as a European I can say this is true

4points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Ouch, we do act like spoiled brats.

3points

Blakkur Sverrir 5 years ago

True

3points

SeidWolf 5 years ago

Yeah, sad but often true...

3points

Rustyn Birch 5 years ago

Ha! True. Sad, but true...

2points

#13

They told me i wouldn’t be good at poetry because i’m dyslexic But so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase and they are lovely.

reddit Report

Final score:

257points

POST

Cat Nip Gal 5 years ago

Haha

36points

Billy Haake 5 years ago

I used to be dyslexic, but I'm KO now.

8points

Miss Cris 5 years ago

🤣🤣🤣

1point

Monika Nagyova 5 years ago

First time round I actually read 'pottery. Oops haha

8points

Anamaria Mazer de Toledo 5 years ago

Harry Pottery

2points

Scagsy 5 years ago

ROFL!!!

6points

Bill 5 years ago

D is for Lysdexia

4points

Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l 5 years ago

Love this joke 🤣

4points

Raine Soo 5 years ago

Thanks! This one really made me laugh out loud - at work!

3points

Grumble O'Pug 5 years ago

LOL!!!

2points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Good one! Not dyslectic but terrible at pottery!

1point

Casey Dalgo 2 years ago

Lol

0points

#14

Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump? Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.

zPureAssassiNz Report

Final score:

248points

POST

Carlos Ferreira 5 years ago

So painfully spot-on

77points

ArhomR 5 years ago

Ouch!

0points

Christina Keenan 5 years ago

I would find this funny if it weren't so true

5points

Lynn Marie 5 years ago

It will be funnier in November, when we start to get rid of him. :-)

1point

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

Even elephants need only 22 month, not 4 years.

5points

Emyo Jennifer Nakayama 5 years ago

Too spot on!

3points

Josh Tall 5 years ago

BURN!

2points

Fanboy 5 years ago

Grand Old Pottie of the GoP kind of difficult to clean so they believe better to ignore the stinker.

1point

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

This had me see the upcoming scenes when this 'baby', carried to full term, will be carried out of the WH redfaced and screaming his lungs out.

1point

Kitty Fenerty 5 years ago

Longest gestation period ever! 🤣

1point

Maria Venieris 5 years ago

Good one 🤣

0points

Irene Carlyle 5 years ago

Carlos said it all!!

0points

#15

Dude 1: Hey, bro?

Dude 2: Yeah bro?

Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?

Dude 2: Brochure

lexflexluthor Report

Final score:

247points

POST

My O My 5 years ago

You made my day

45points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

I made my bed

0points

Raine Soo 5 years ago

Dude!

5points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

Say Ernie, would you like some ice cream? Sherbert!

2points

SykesDaMan 5 years ago

Thanks, but please don't call me Shirly... Oh wait!! Wrong joke! :p

1point

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Cute

1point

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1point

Jip van Neerven 4 years ago

Yessss! Hahaha

0points

Janice Blaufox 4 years ago

Took me a minute.

0points

Nuri Valcarcel Egea 5 years ago

omgoodness thats like so badd

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

haha :>

0points

#16

My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz

2020Chapter Report

Final score:

230points

POST

ADHORTATOR 5 years ago

Congratulations :-)

71points

Giovanni Omanand 5 years ago

woosh

-2points

Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l 5 years ago

Haha, love it 👶

3points

Susan Miller 5 years ago

Mazel Tov!

2points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Sweet!

1point

Anamaria Mazer de Toledo 5 years ago

That's cute !

1point

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

😊❤️

1point

Suzanne Dunne 5 years ago

Cute

0points

Troy Currie 5 years ago

Congrats...Hopefully no forest were harmed during the Gender Reveal. ;-)

0points

Sophie Babbitt 5 years ago

😂

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

>u< congrats!

0points

#17

Today I was invited by a female janitor to smoke some weed at her apartment, but i politley declined. I can’t deal with high maintenance women.

Havtak16 Report

Final score:

228points

POST

Ben Steinberg 5 years ago

OMG -- that was funny...okay, I'm a dad, I admit it...

55points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

I been looking through the comments and your name is benjamen or ben, either way spider- man, ben's your uncle and you saved new york

0points

SoozeeQ 5 years ago

Such a dad joke.

8points

Lillian 5 years ago

thank you for the case of giggles!

2points

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

My dad would love this!

1point

Michelle Line 5 years ago

** facepalm **

1point

eimipet 5 years ago

My dad calls them ‘foreheadpalms’ because you slap your forehead and not your face. My dad thinks he is hilarious.

2points

ArhomR 5 years ago

Poppa?! Is that you?

0points

Isabella Sherman 5 years ago

W H E E Z E

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

WOW!!!! HAHA!!! :]

0points

Laura Gastelum 5 years ago

LOLOL

0points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Love it!

0points

#18

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

GeneReddit123 Report

Final score:

225points

POST

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

Why not earth flattener?

53points

Bathsheba 5 years ago

Because then the pun wouldn't work

11points

ML 5 years ago

Because then it is not a joke anymore

5points

John Datri 5 years ago

Sh, sh, sh...just...just shhhhhh.

2points

Giovanni Omanand 5 years ago

wooosh

0points

Suzanne Smith 4 years ago

Woooosh.....

-1point

Heather Reynolds Atwood 5 years ago

Or Earth-flatterer...

-1point

Janine Hunt-Jackson 5 years ago

"Flat Earthers" are people who actually believe the earth is flat, with a wall of ice around the edges so nothing falls off!

-2points

Pamela Elmore 5 years ago

hahahahahahahaha

2points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

yea, i think it suits him

0points

#19

My roommate says our house is haunted I've been living here for 300 years and i havnt noticed [crap]

maracaboi Report

Final score:

220points

POST

Halestorm 5 years ago (edited)

It's more concerning to me that your roommate is talking to you....

73points

Jacqueline Arana 5 years ago

It doesn't says he's talking to them or to who

5points

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

They're not.

1point

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

Or rather about you

0points

Giovanni Omanand 5 years ago

wooosh

0points

Antionetté Cartledge 5 years ago

😂

1point

Constance A 5 years ago

The movie The Others

1point

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

300 years!!! Also social distance from ur roomie.

1point

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

oh shoot man, wait, your roommate, ohhhh dangg

0points

Jace 5 years ago

Jokes are better when they use proper sentence structure and punctuation.

0points

Kim Bush 5 years ago

That's fighting a losing battle now unfortunately.

0points

Anamaria Mazer de Toledo 5 years ago

Awsome !!!! Lol

0points

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

🤣🤣😂😅😁

0points

#20

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

EEEEAAAATTTT Report

Final score:

214points

POST

sbj 5 years ago

HaHaHa nice one

45points

Jeff Christensen 5 years ago

"Smile, it could be worse" they said. I did, and it was.

4points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Bwaaaaa Haaaaaa such a good one!

1point

ArhomR 5 years ago

I fell for it!

0points

Phil Bowerman 5 years ago

Cheer up, things could be worse. So I cheered up and sure enough, things got worse. This is 2020 you dummy.

0points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Good one!

0points

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

Ahhh, took me a moment, but still hilarious!!!

0points

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

😂🤣😂

0points

Gašper Peklaj 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#21

Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian. It was the least I could do for the guy.

HellsJuggernaut Report

Final score:

201points

POST

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

That's a good one.

45points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Uncle joke that takes a bit to sink in.

3points

Susan Miller 5 years ago

English is a hard, hard language....

2points

Sammy Guy 15 5 years ago

that took me way too long...

4points

JJM 5 years ago

Groan................

1point

Suzanne Dunne 5 years ago

Made me chuckle

0points

Onion rings like to make your breath smelly 5 years ago

I dont get it

0points

Dilly Millandry 5 years ago

An albino dalmatian would be all white, no spots. This person 'spotted' the dog or drew them on in some way. Hope that helps.

10points

Nuri Valcarcel Egea 5 years ago

oh brother

-1point

#22

My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order I probably should've stopped when I got to her name

vpetrychuk Report

Final score:

197points

POST

Ram Lastname 5 years ago

Your ex-girlfriend, you mean.

11points

CharliAnn Olney Premium 5 years ago

And you will get out of the hospital ... When?

9points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

You mean your "ex" girlfriend?

3points

Sharon Hyatt 5 years ago

OOOOPS !

2points

Billy The Kid 5 years ago

love it

1point

Laura Gastelum 5 years ago

I found that list once. I was last but still...

0points

TiaCalenture 5 years ago

😮

0points

Hazel Gray 5 years ago

OMG WHAT

0points

Zaak OConan 5 years ago

That's funny! Still laughing!

0points

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

😲🙄😄

0points

#23

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

ElonMuskIsMyWaifu Report

Final score:

186points

POST

Scagsy 5 years ago

Bit close to the bone

76points

Carlos Ferreira 5 years ago

I'd say it hit the bone and shattered it

7points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

and sick to the head

0points

fuggnuggins 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

No you didn't 5 years ago

Ouch.

5points

ravn 5 years ago

Oof....good one, but oof.

2points

Martha Higgins 5 years ago

Too close to true.

2points

Eagle Girl 5 years ago

Can I get this in a Tshirt? Sick of dirty cops making the good ones suffer

1point

⚞ Katniss Everdeen ⚟ 5 years ago

Not really a joke, more of a societal commentary. This is why we need police reform

1point

Amanda Cole 5 years ago

Too soon?

0points

Brooke Purvis 5 years ago

Oooh......

0points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Ouch!

0points

Wordfloe-Acid-Test 5 years ago

D.A.M.N.

0points

#24

Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law. It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

MohanBhargava Report

Final score:

181points

POST

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Perhaps the Hippies should have won half a century ago so we wouldn't be in this mess today.

97points

Lynn Marie 5 years ago

Yes! Wavy Gravy and the Please Force (from Woodstock).

8points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

half a century ago is when trump should've been president and that's never

0points

Leodavinci 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Miklós Nagy 5 years ago

Yeah, and now they are being called "boomers".

4points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Let’s put one in the White House!

2points

Sue Knerl 5 years ago

Well, us hippies were going to change the world. And look where it got us, . I for one hate tRump.

2points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

About time!

1point

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

So true.

1point

ArhomR 5 years ago

Ya man.

0points

Laura Gastelum 5 years ago

Peace, Love and Weed! Where do I sign up?

0points

mohicansgonnagetya Report

#25

I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months...... Whoever [messed] this up should be stabbed!

Final score:

181points

POST

Bart 5 years ago

This one should be higher up :-)

46points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

I turned a frown upside down

0points

Kesam 5 years ago

Oh, Julius...

11points

Miss Cris 5 years ago

And Augustus Caesar...

4points

Nicole Holt 5 years ago

Clever. Because he did - get stabbed.

4points

Stephen Taylor 5 years ago

In the Roman calendar there were only ten months - the 7th to 10th being September to December as their names suggest. It was only later when July and August (Julius and Augustus Caesar) were added that they became out of sequence.

3points

Bernhard Sonderegger 5 years ago

In fact, in ancient Rome the year began with March, so September was indeed the 7th month (and October the 8th etc.). The 59 days of January and February were not categorized into "months" but kind of a transition time between the old and the new year.

3points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

So romans born in Jan & Feb never got to celebrate their birthday! How sad (yes I’m joking)

2points

Sophie Babbitt 5 years ago

Petition to rearrange the months 😂

1point

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

Blame the Romans! https://theconversation.com/explainer-where-do-the-names-of-our-months-come-from-87246#:~:text=Birthdays%2C%20wedding%20anniversaries%2C%20and%20public,leaders%2C%20festivals%2C%20and%20numbers.

1point

Giette Hulsbosch 4 years ago

Blame Julius Caesar and Caesar Augustus for that

0points

Ashleigh Hassan 4 years ago

Et tu, Brute?

0points

#26

imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. there would be mass confusion.

Mr_nobrody Report

Final score:

180points

POST

Ben Steinberg 5 years ago

Weight...I don't get it...

168points

Stannous Flouride 5 years ago

You can't grasp the gravity of the situation?

28points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

I'm glad I have high metabolism I don't gain or lose weight and if you fought me the outcome would always be the same

0points

Argha Chowdhury 5 years ago

Why what's the matter

0points

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Look at the upside: Yesterday you weighed 360 lbs, today you're only 164 kg.

13points

SeidWolf 5 years ago

😂

6points

Rubeus Hagrid 5 years ago

explanation: there would be mass confusion or to word it differently confusion about the mass (weight) of objects.

4points

Jovita A 5 years ago

I cam here for comments and wasn't disappointed :D

2points

Nagawa (Cofa) Kishiki 5 years ago

Can also be a burden off your shoulder.

2points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

weight a sec...

1point

Adrian Hare 3 years ago

But just think, they'd only be half the weight they were before

0points

Suzanne Dunne 5 years ago

Funny

0points

Heather Reynolds Atwood 5 years ago

But we'd look like we weighed less...

0points

#27

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

evan_lolz Report

Final score:

173points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

And now I want pie..

64points

Mike Rodrick 5 years ago

with ice cream!

2points

fainasKeturatis 5 years ago

I want to be a PieRate

1point

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

Large cups of ice used to be 25 cents

0points

Laura Gastelum 5 years ago

Blackberry with ice cream please

0points

Meyer Weinstock 5 years ago

I saw this in the 70s.. still funny today

4points

Casey Dalgo 2 years ago

Good one

0points

Lydia Shen 5 years ago

hahahaha pie rates pirates :)

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

PIEEEEE

0points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

U SO punny

0points

Khloe Ness 5 years ago

my dad told me that

0points

JJM 5 years ago

Awwww!

0points

backatya 5 years ago

I didn't know they baked pies down there

0points

Jude Devantier 5 years ago

Made me laugh. Thanks.

-1point

#28

Her: What do you do? Me: I race cars. Her: Do you win many races? Me: No, the cars are much faster.

ChrisBaker111 Report

Final score:

171points

POST

SeidWolf 5 years ago

LoL!!

34points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

That's my old life I picked a race knowing I would lose every day at recess now I don't do much but sleep eat repeat cause I knew I was gonna get beat

0points

Aprl Fair 5 years ago

Losing races to cars must be pretty exhausting.

1point

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Uncle joke

1point

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

🤣😁😄

1point

backatya 5 years ago

makes sense

1point

Carolyn McCully 5 years ago

Ha!

0points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Too funny!

0points

#29

We cannot allow this year to end That would be admitting that 2021

Kelly240361 Report

Final score:

166points

POST

Nicola Roberts 5 years ago

Clever!

57points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

I don't care because of technology and the future.Sooner or later you'll be able to control the government with your mind

0points

Bender Bending Rodríguez 5 years ago

I don't get this.

6points

eimipet 5 years ago

If you say it out loud it says ‘Twenty Twenty Won’ or 2020 won

33points

Mark Abenstein 5 years ago

and 2022

1point

Fieke Engelen 5 years ago

good one. must remember

1point

Eagle Girl 5 years ago

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Finally a laugh out loud!

1point

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Oh my I must be dumb, help a lady out

1point

Veronica Tate 5 years ago

Copying from eimipet above, “ If you say it out loud it says ‘Twenty Twenty Won’ or 2020 won”

2points

shado 5 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

1point

Nuri Valcarcel Egea 5 years ago

oh wooooow

0points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

I don't care if 2021, I just want it over with...

0points

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

Simple yet effective, like a lego.

0points

#30

99.9% of people are idiots. Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people

eugenefx Report

Final score:

163points

POST

Miklós Nagy 5 years ago

Every idiot ever.

73points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

99.9% not 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999%.Feel better now 99.9% of people who are idiots? I'm included

0points

Steve Cruz 5 years ago

Forgot the quotation marks -- this is from Trump's latest rally.

3points

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

This young Scandinavian lady told me that she was planning to sit for the Cambridge Certificate of Proficiency in English exam and I asked her if she had taken the Lower Certificate. Verbatim, her answer was "No, I don't need that. I speak much perfect English."

2points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

HHHaaaaaaa u must be 13!

2points

BUMMERS 5 years ago

"I am a very stable genius", A phrase-throughout history-never uttered by anyone who was either.

2points

Laura Gastelum 5 years ago

LOL how true

0points

Tom Di Chiazza 5 years ago

Almost everyone is not getting the joke. If he were intelligent he would belong to .1% of intelligent people.

1point

Hugh Walter 5 years ago

Clever!

0points

FridayFeels 5 years ago

I saw something like this before.

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

yes

0points

Khloe Ness 5 years ago

ooh me too

0points

#31

Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete? She wanted to see the task manager.

thudly Report

Final score:

160points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

🤣🤣🤣

30points

Robert Robi Z 5 years ago

Your name, Vic, is Croatian for 'joke' :D

0points

Martha Higgins 5 years ago

Groan.

2points

Regina Phalange 5 years ago

i feel bad for all the people that are good people and named karen cuz that their name...

0points

Gin 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Jess-a-men 5 years ago

Just tried and it's definitely ctlr+alt+delete for me...

8points

ƒιѕн 5 years ago (edited)

Ctrl+Esc = Start menu, Ctrl+Shift+Esc = Task Manager, Ctrl+Alt+Del = System Level Interrupt with menu.

4points

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

On a Windows PC Ctrl+Esc opens the start menu and Ctrl+Shift+Esc opens the task manager.

1point

#32

If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN you get them VERY ANGRY

Whello578 Report

Final score:

159points

POST

Jean Nielsen 5 years ago

MAIL CARRIERS. thank you.

6points

Parmeisan 5 years ago

And as a bonus, it would have taken me a few seconds longer to see that the anagram didn't work.

2points

Ian Milne 5 years ago

I went to the postcard museum last week. Nothing to write home about...

5points

Vic 5 years ago

This is genius 😂

5points

Michelle Line 5 years ago

lol. Took me a few moments.

3points

Walt White 5 years ago

Just not Postal, right? 😂😁

1point

MRS FLASHMAN 5 years ago

cute

1point

Allie Jones 5 years ago

Letters- as in, the letters they are carrying to deliver...

1point

Suzanne Dunne 5 years ago

Witty

0points

Troy Currie 5 years ago

I hear it doesn't take much to get them mad...they go Postal pretty often.

0points

Nuri Valcarcel Egea 5 years ago

if you rearrange the letters as in envelopes...

0points

#33

This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing

Azkabacon Report

Final score:

155points

POST

Carlos Ferreira 5 years ago

It hurts because it's true.

53points

Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago

Fugnuggins, because it’s statistically accurate?

6points

David Retsler 4 years ago

Except it isn't but go ahead with your misinterpretation of facts.

0points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

The difference is how cheap a leonardo da vinci's salvator mundi should be which is worth 450,000,000$

0points

John Bourne 5 years ago

its been proven false multiple times.

0points

fuggnuggins 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Courtney Christelle 5 years ago

This is so true I didn't even find it funny.

4points

Heather Reynolds Atwood 5 years ago

Payback

0points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

Oof size large :(

0points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Oh man, so glad a dude commented!

0points

backatya 5 years ago

lol

0points

Isabella R.W. 5 years ago

I don't get it, Can someone explain?

0points

fuggnuggins 5 years ago

Some women think that statistics can be done without adjustment and still resulting in an accurate representation, leading to a dogmatic myth that men earn more - collectively - because of a secret conspiracy that "men" benefit from, though most men even seem to be unaware of, culminating in said women being demanding to be paid likewise as the most privileged because "Karen".

-2points

JJM 5 years ago

Shameful, isn't it?

-1point

David Retsler 4 years ago

Would be if it were true.

0points

Steve Cruz 5 years ago

Excellent

-2points

Joseph Smith 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#34

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9? Because he needed 3² meals a day.

coolguydude5 Report

Final score:

147points

POST

kasa alex 5 years ago

Great! One of my fav jokes just got better ;)

50points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

And I finally understand it

0points

Jennifer Hall 5 years ago

6 was afraid of 7 because 7 is a 6 offender.

2points

Regina Phalange 5 years ago

y was yoda afraid of 7? bcz 6 7 8

1point

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

This must be read in the voice of a 1940s private eye movie

1point

SandraG 5 years ago

I don’t get it... 😢

1point

nettie netwitch 5 years ago

Read it loud. 7 ate 9.

1point

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

LOL

0points

#35

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

atomsmasher42 Report

Final score:

137points

POST

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

American democracy. The guy with the least popular votes is made president by his powerful pals.

68points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

But who agrees to 1200$? That's worth nothing but two 600$ weed eaters

0points

Paul Jordan 5 years ago

And... its ironic that he has complained in the past that the college system in the States is anti-democratic. Bet he didn't think so in 2016, coz he LOST the popular vote. But then as so many say, the USA isn't a democracy. /smh

-1point

John Bourne 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Halestorm 5 years ago

There're some definite downsides to the American system.

4points

David Retsler 4 years ago

Still better than any alternatives offered on the planet.

0points

Suzanne Harris 5 years ago

What everybody misses is that it's a democratic REPUBLIC. It isn't actually a democracy.

3points

Carlos Ferreira 5 years ago

'MURICAAAA!

3points

Monday 5 years ago

The amount of people who don't realize America isn't a democracy is too damn high. It's a republic people...it's in your pledge of allegiance.

1point

Dávid Lovas 5 years ago

The amount of people who believe that democracy and republic are contraries is way more problematic :)

0points

Jace 5 years ago

This also teaches about laissez-faire capitalism (consumers have no say and have to take what they’re given).

1point

Eldaras LK 5 years ago

Its not democracy, is business.

0points

Sophie Babbitt 5 years ago

😂

0points

Eagle Girl 5 years ago

Wow. This has to be the most succinct way to explain electoral college.

0points

Joseph Smith 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#36

My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are going to kill me!” “I am sorry, honey,” I replied. “What is wrong?”

2020Chapter Report

Final score:

137points

POST

SeidWolf 5 years ago

Gotta luv grammar humor!

59points

Helen Haley 5 years ago

Better than grandper humor

1point

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

Let the man do all the work and you have recieved Karma

0points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

*love

0points

Vic 5 years ago

🤣🤣 took me a while..

8points

Stille20 5 years ago

...your dad joke is going to get you killed

7points

pusheen buttercup 5 years ago

He can tell dad jokes now because his wife is giving birth :D lol!

1point

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

That's what we call a grammar nazi.

1point

Adrian Ceroni 4 years ago

Needs italics or something.

0points

Jason Versaevel 4 years ago

A women during labour started screaming, can't, don't, wouldn't, couldn't, the doctor said don't worry those are just contractions

0points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Boooo

0points

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

0points

JiminKimLip7 5 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

-3points

#37

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

porichoygupto Report

Final score:

136points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

Now only if you knocked someone's door.. your life would be a complete joke..

63points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

And if you offered a stranger candy your life would be a complete complete joke

0points

Yvonne Blau 5 years ago

Are you a rabbi?

4points

Sarah Fox 5 years ago

I don't get this one???

4points

eimipet 5 years ago (edited)

There are many jokes that begin with “How many [somethings] does it take to change a lightbulb?” Also the joke of “Why did the chicken cross the road?” And the third one is “[number] [somethings] walked into a bar... [punchline].” for instance “two men walk into a bar... the third one ducked.” Edit: What @Vic said is a nod to knock knock jokes.

5points

Khloe Ness 5 years ago

I saw this online. so I was in my car and I turned the wheel and found the bar

1point

SykesDaMan 5 years ago

At least you're not a chicken! :)

1point

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

If you were an Aggie, you wouldn’t be alone! Only Texans know why

0points

#38

50 shades of grey #4e5054, #272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b, #2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232, #343434, #353535, #373737, #393939, #3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040, #424242, #444444, #454545, #474747, #484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d, #4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353, #565656, #575757, #585858, #595959, #5b5b5b, #5c5c5c, #5e5e5e, #616161, #626262, #646464, #656565, #676767, #6a6a6a, #6b6b6b, #6c6c6c, #6d6d6d, #6f6f6f, #727272, #737373, #757575, #767676

AddictedReddit Report

Final score:

134points

POST

ƒιѕн 5 years ago

#808080

4points

K.Kobayashi 5 years ago

Why does the first one have a slightly bluish tint?

2points

Vic 5 years ago

Nice one!

2points

Devyn Nagy 5 years ago

Try to incorporate that into HTML.

1point

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

Honestly more interesting than the movie.

1point

Robert Robi Z 5 years ago

I just wrote randome 6 numbers and it showed my favorite color!

0points

Robert Robi Z 5 years ago

Oh! Oh! Oh! This is a discovery!

0points

Sophie Babbitt 5 years ago

😂😂

0points

Bubbs Art 5 years ago

Thank you!

0points

Catte Lopez 5 years ago

Can someone explain for me? This one is over my head.

0points

Devyn Nagy 5 years ago

Those are HTML (Hypertext Markup Language) HEX color codes for making websites and whatnot.

2points

#39

A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him? The Bartender

Quack__Up Report

Final score:

133points

POST

El muerto 5 years ago

I'll say what we all thinking...after a long time Moe finally got his revenge

89points

Eagle Girl 5 years ago

Best comment on this thread!

1point

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

Wait quick question Where is Thalo

0points

Janine Hunt-Jackson 5 years ago

Slowly I turn.....Niagara Falls!

0points

Sarah Fox 5 years ago

Bart - ENDER

3points

Mya Lugar 5 years ago

Oh, I thought he immediately got a "shot" and Ice.!

1point

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Oh so very bad

1point

Giles McArdell 5 years ago

Moe finally gets his revenge for all those prank calls.

1point

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

OH NUUUUU< WHY MOE!! I THOUGHT MOE MONEY MOE PROBLEM

0points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Took a second or two but very funny!

0points

Party Poison 5 years ago

I can just imagine Bart Simpson doing that

0points

Party Poison 5 years ago

and Moe, the Bartender

0points

#40

I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth today Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent

RestingBitFace Report

Final score:

130points

POST

JOCELYN VITELLO 5 years ago

That's a good dad joke

43points

Nadine Khazaka 5 years ago

And that makes all the women go crazy.

2points

Steve Cruz 5 years ago

...and your breath smells like axe.

1point

#41

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great. But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

shyggar Report

Final score:

128points

POST

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

And very threatening to climate change deniers...

50points

M O'Connell 5 years ago

I will never comprehend why certain people are so furious with a small girl. They have much learning to do.

13points

MammaG 5 years ago

They always seem to be old white men. It kills them that someone younger, and a girl, is smarter than all of them put together. Few of them are secure enough to recognize and support her contributions. I mean, to say bad things about a girl fighting for the future of humanity would make that person an a*****e of unfathomable size.

3points

Conar McKenzie 5 years ago

I always looked up to mother nature for a better chance of life

0points

David Retsler 4 years ago

I think you mean the people pulling her strings and feeding her scripts. She is a puppet who is incapable of explaining what anthropogenic climate change is.

-1point

fuggnuggins 5 years ago

I'm not a denier, am quite concerned, live in sparsity that I guarantee you won't as a direct result, and even I think the girl is a joke and the adults who cheer her on pathetic. She's the hero of the concerned citizen who could, but didn't.

-1point

John Bourne 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Truth Monster 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Oh the PUNS

0points

김희애 5 years ago

Being a Greta is better than being a Karen ...

-1point

Joseph Smith 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

⚞ Katniss Everdeen ⚟ 5 years ago

Advice from ableist and ignorant adults? Let me know how well that works out for you (and the planet).

4points

#42

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the… Minneapolis

madazzahatter Report

Final score:

127points

POST

Meyer Weinstock 5 years ago

No, but I only wanted a Minnesota, not the full-sized one...

55points

Nuri Valcarcel Egea 5 years ago

oh wow these jokes are so bad

0points

Mya Lugar 5 years ago

What did Dela wear? A bright new jersey.

2points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

What did Dela wear when Mrs. Sippy lent Ms. Urry her new jersey? Idaho, Alaska.

0points

TiaCalenture 5 years ago

🙄

1point

Steve Wilson 5 years ago

Manhattan, KS

1point

Cheryl Ruben 5 years ago

Or, as Trump would call it, "Minnie-in-apolis"

1point

Sharon Dean 4 years ago

Boy you guys..............

0points

Nuri Valcarcel Egea 5 years ago

oh wooooow

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

In Adams throat or at the other end.

0points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

Note how NOBODY in this thread wants to know where the Big Microsoft is

0points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Your pants

0points

#43

Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch Ouch

Pexagon05 Report

Final score:

119points

POST

Saffroncat 21 5 years ago

Lol

31points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

ELA teachers are rejoicing

1point

Indian Princess Archi 5 years ago

I dnt get it: (

0points

FridayFeels 5 years ago

This took me a second.

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

C, there's ur 20 %

0points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

Ay, at least you didn't lose 25% of your roof like me...

0points

Ila in Maine 5 years ago

Please go tell this to tRump and Pence. They won't get it but at least they'll stop lying while they try to figure it out, hopefully well until the new year.

0points

Fieke Engelen 5 years ago

haha

0points

JOCELYN VITELLO 5 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

-3points

#44

I used to shave my testicles with a razor blade. But since I got Parkinson's, I don't have the balls to do it anymore.

karmanutte Report

Final score:

118points

POST

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

At least he had the balls to do it once.

33points

Saffroncat 21 5 years ago

That is not funny

3points

Laura Gastelum 5 years ago

Of course it is

2points

SykesDaMan 5 years ago

Ouch!!!

2points

JJM 5 years ago

LOL!

2points

Ram Lastname 5 years ago

This one is at 45?!!

2points

Bob Constans 5 years ago

ROTFL

1point

Sophie Babbitt 5 years ago

😂😂😂

0points

Fieke Engelen 5 years ago

no way!!

0points

#45

I got arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia in its entirety ...before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything

juheelsejpal Report

Final score:

117points

POST

Kendra Miller 5 years ago

Actually they totally let people do that, from select pages to sections to the whole freaking thing.

21points

Suzanne Smith 4 years ago

Woooosh.....

0points

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

I get it, explain “everything “

0points

#46

What’s the difference between North Korea and the US? North Koreans can’t tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can’t tell if their leader is dead serious.

pegasus47 Report

Final score:

113points

POST

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Rule of thumb: The dumber his plans are, the more serious he is. Nuking tornado's, buying Greenland, ingesting disinfectants, having his own Gestapo, Opening schools.

71points

K.Kobayashi 5 years ago

...postponing the election...

11points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Smartest answer I've heard in a while. Bless you.

2points

TiaCalenture 5 years ago

Having his likeness carved in Mt. Rushmore

0points

TiaCalenture 5 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

Covfefe, Corona is a Hoax and of course he wants to do his daughter. And Wants to give all Slavic east european hoes Einstein Visa LOL

-1point

Tanya Kysel'ova 5 years ago

Also, the US bombed North Korea and North Korea did not bomb the US

1point

Steve Cruz 5 years ago

America's leader is brain dead.

1point

FridayFeels 5 years ago

I don't think he's trolling.

0points

#47

As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine. Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.

Makefoodandthings Report

Final score:

106points

POST

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Don't forget to charge them for their stay.

48points

Stannous Flouride 5 years ago

Shhh- Jeff Bezos might hear you and do that.

2points

Marvin HoG 5 years ago

^^boss? Is that you?^^

2points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

don't forget to feed them off-brand food, then charge triple!

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

That is what happens when you work for Trumps

0points

#48

Student: Are “well” and “actually” both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no

Satyam18 Report

Final score:

106points

POST

Nadine Khazaka 5 years ago

Gotta love this language.

27points

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

- "Shall I make a left turn here?" - "Right." - 'No, what are you doing? I told you to turn left!"'

1point

Janine Hunt-Jackson 5 years ago

I had to change my answer to my 2-yr-old when discussing left & right. He got so confused when he'd say, "this is my left hand" and I answered right. I learned pretty quickly to say, "correct!"

0points

Harper Angel 5 years ago

I love that meme from The Pirates! Band of misfits

1point

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

🤣😂😄

1point

booHguy 5 years ago

A little hard for French people, but I got it

1point

FridayFeels 5 years ago (edited)

How do you know that was the correct punctuation?

0points

#49

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal. China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.

Po1sonator Report

Final score:

100points

POST

⚞ Katniss Everdeen ⚟ 5 years ago

(For the record, yes, Taiwan is a country, with it's own government, just in case you were wondering :)

28points

Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago

Not according to China, but yes, it absolutely is.

10points

David Retsler 4 years ago

Careful WinXi the Pooh won't be happy.

0points

Khloe Ness 5 years ago

yep!

0points

eddy edward 5 years ago

Technically, it's still the (mainland) Republic of China from 1912.

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

China also denies having Bet while having Tea with India , so doesn't acknowledge Tea Bet. :) Don't even get me started that China don't acknowledge How Hung King Kong is . :D

1point

Mya Lugar 5 years ago

Good thing it wasen't in Italy.....It'sa Tie in firsta place!

1point

okpkpkp 5 years ago

Thighwan? Oh, no, that was Thighland.

1point

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

So bad

1point

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

bootyful, simply bootyful!

0points

#50

All countries eventually got coronavirus But China got it right off the bat.

CherryBlackEyes Report

Final score:

99points

POST

Kesam 5 years ago

🦇🏏

20points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Ba dum dump

1point

⚞ Katniss Everdeen ⚟ 5 years ago

Technically it could've come from anywhere, the bat just happened to be eaten in China. But good pun nonetheless.

1point

cassiushumanmother 5 years ago

You are right. There are a lot of reports that we just ignored from 2004 to 2017. One in 2008 from the american National Intelligence Council (who was shared with others countries) telling that a virus will arise from a place with close contacts between animals and humans, and others from the scientist community over the world( at least 4 studies/reports in France), years ago telling the same exact thing, predicting this exact pandemic, how it will arise and how it will spread and how it will affect the whole world. The governments just choose to ignore it and focus on terrorist risk. This was clearly not the right choices...

4points

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

There are now so many of us that humans encroach ever more on the habitats of wildlife. The SARS-Cov-2 is neither the first nor the last zoonotic disease transferred to humans. The complacency of the governments in basically all rich countries that made active choices not to be prepared for a future pandemic ought to be a wake up call. Countries should not be run like corporations.

1point

fuggnuggins 5 years ago

The species alleged was not sold at that market, and patient zero was nowhere near it. China did suppress knowledge of the event, and coronavirus taken from the species was actually studied at that lab, and a/the guy who studied it over a long period and who collected the samples documents his numerous accidents in his reports.

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

new fav jokes

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

China is fair country they fcked every country in the world and then denied it.

0points

Eagle Girl 5 years ago

Too soon

0points

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

These people are amazing!!!

0points

#51

I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100. I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.

Yokozuuna Report

Final score:

96points

POST

Valerie G. 5 years ago

spoken like a true banker or accountant.

16points

#52

Today is the last time I will see my 80 year old grandpa Because tomorrow he turns 81!

Chasehasaface Report

Final score:

80points

POST

SoozeeQ 5 years ago

In 2020 , that could have had a dark twist.

2points

FridayFeels 5 years ago

My heart.

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

i just left my body from fear, am having friend ( me) tYpe this

0points

Marilyn Bojanowski 5 years ago

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey

0points

Eagle Girl 5 years ago

As long as he's not a 13 yo dog you drop off & drive away

0points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Is this like the 2021 joke I still don’t get?

0points

Khloe Ness 5 years ago

the first half made me sad.

0points

#53

I really hope coronavirus can't spread through sex It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.

TapiocaTuesday Report

Final score:

78points

POST

chi-wei shen 5 years ago

You'd be surprised how many people would survive.

67points

Fanboy 5 years ago

Nah Chinese most populated country and race in world they wouldn't research weapons that would hurt that process.

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

Who says coronavirus can't spread through sex, didn't China f#ck the world hence the pandemic. :D

1point

Sophie Babbitt 5 years ago

*asexual laughter*

0points

Mya Lugar 5 years ago

I don't get it..there would be millions of men younger than you that would be growing up

0points

Jace 5 years ago

Of course it does

0points

M M 5 years ago

Poor baby

-1point

Mathieu Brouwers 5 years ago

We can stop overcrowding and the world hunger problem by requiring cannibalism. Only the last human will starve.

-1point

#54

Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks? Because with great power comes great response ability.

reddit.com Report

Final score:

78points

POST

Nadine Khazaka 5 years ago

You should check out his social media, he's got a great web presence.

68points

Halestorm 5 years ago

Well done.

3points

#55

The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.” That was some sound advice.

porichoygupto Report

Final score:

75points

POST

Davor Jelacic 5 years ago

Dad?

19points

SoozeeQ 5 years ago

Groan.

2points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Oh I just snorted

1point

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

Ahh, a dad joke, my one true weakness...

1point

Thomas Ewing 5 years ago

And knowledge about seasonings is sage advice...

1point

Casey Dalgo 2 years ago

Lol

0points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

WUUT

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

I prefer a light Advice so I would spend it on Solar lamps. :p

0points

#56

When you say "poop" your mouth moves in the same way your anus does. The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".

timeshaper Report

Final score:

72points

POST

WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago

Donald J. Trump... Yes, it does!!!!

34points

Patrick Shore 5 years ago

cant stop wining, even against, dems, media , mayors, antifa, Soros ,Russia, china, Clinton and poor old Joe /Harris

0points

Patricia Kasprowski 5 years ago

Excellent!

0points

Fanboy 5 years ago

Also when you say DUMP or take a Dump or D. Trump.

-1point

Caleb Crotinger 5 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

I’m still laughing, sugar free gummy bears anyone?

2points

Laura Gastelum 5 years ago

😂🤪🤣😜

0points

Daria Z 5 years ago

Lol I nearly spilled my tea at the screen 😂

2points

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

I spilled coffee, my husband needs this joke!

1point

Mireia Dos 5 years ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1point

Lou Herout 5 years ago

I laughed way way way too hard at this one

1point

Jason Versaevel 4 years ago

This one needs to be in the top ten

0points

#57

Why didn't 4 ask out 5 Because he was 2².

Prussian12 Report

Final score:

57points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

Well that's the root of 4 problem..

47points

Bence Nagy 5 years ago (edited)

He should just take 5.

0points

#58

I saw a girl crying, so I asked her “Where are your parents?” and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.

AkivaE Report

Final score:

36points

POST

Vic 5 years ago

This one's just mean..

77points

Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago

I have a dark sense of humor, I’ll admit I laughed.

24points

Mike Rodrick 5 years ago

I only date homeless girls because you can drop them off anywhere.

5points

Ram Lastname 5 years ago

Sure it's mean... but man it's ROTFL-funny.

2points

Ivy 5 years ago

i lolled. good one

2points

Madison Sherman 5 years ago

NOOOOOOOO!!! THATS SO MEAAN!!

1point

Stephen Taylor 5 years ago

did it just get a little darker in here?

1point

Billy The Kid 5 years ago

hmmm...

1point

Laura Crawley 5 years ago

Smoking or non?

1point

Popcorn Colonel 5 years ago

Don't ever say that you horrible person!

1point

JJM 5 years ago

Harsh!

1point

#59

What did Raichu say when it saw Pikachu Raichu

euan3704u Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Katherine Boag 5 years ago

Not gonna raichu a love song

16points

Rob nolan Premium 5 years ago

#60 I just read that they had to renumber all of Beethovens symphonies. Turns out when they dug him up they discovered he was decomposing.

2points

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

Good one!

1point

averageperson 5 years ago

They both sound like sneezes

1point

Fanboy 5 years ago

Rai chu r (Right you are :p)

0points