Hey Pandas! What was the tipping point for you to go NC with someone? It could be a family member, ex-parter, friend, or just someone you decided you wanted no contact with. Go ahead, tell us. It's not like they can give you a hard time about it!
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So, I created this question and feel I should start with my own story.
I went no contact (NC) with my mother 17 years ago. She'd been verbally and physically abusive throughout my childhood, and when I got too big to smack around the verbal abuse got worse. Eventually she was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder and alcoholism but as far as I'm concerned those are explanations, not excuses. She never apologised for her behaviour or acknowledged the pain she caused.
But to answer my own question, the straw that broke the proverbial camel was her trying to guilt my daughter into doing something she really, really didn't want to do.
My daughter said no, and that should have been the end of it. Instead, my mother told her if she didn't do what my mother wanted that would mean she didn't love her grandmother. My mother told her she'd be sad and it would be all my daughter's fault.
She was 3.
That was the last time I saw my mother and I have no intention of ever seeing her again.
Obligatory not me, but my mom.
So, my mom’s bio dad is basically a trash human being. He’s a Russian immigrant who used my grandma to get his card, and became a completely different person the moment they got off the plane. Lots of stories of s****y childhood stuff, never caused injury himself but was an emotionally and verbally abusive f*ckwad.
He divorced Grandma, is currently married to someone a few years *younger* than his *daughters,* and I have never met him.
So anyways now Mom’s all grown up, he called her once a year, on her birthday, and other than that they’re NC. Two years ago, when he called her, he basically tried to start a fight with my mom about whether my brother and I were vaccinated (he’s anti-vax, even before Covid) and who she voted for. She eventually gave up, hung up on him, and has gone NC since then.
TL/DR: my maternal grandfather is an abusive POS who finally earned himself the big NC by trying to start a fight about vaccines and voting on my mom’s birthday.
F**k you, Dedushka
The big secret finally got out that I had been molested by a family member. Not a single soul believed me. In fact that person is made out like he is the greatest human to ever walk the earth. So I am NC with most of my family. I do act cordial if I have to be around them. That means side hugs for him.
I do suggest my daughter to hug loved ones. I also tell her that if she does not want to then she does not have to. And that is ok.
That is horrific, and I truly hope you've gotten some help in dealing with your trauma. As a survivor, having your experience denied is heartbreaking and just flat out wrong. For your own sake and that of your daughter, please, please DO NOT go to any events your predator attends. No side hugs. No politeness. You should NEVER have to be in a room with this person ever again, for any reason. It's not rude to protect yourself or your child, so when someone asks why you aren't coming to *insert event here* tell them the truth...that you will not subject yourself to spending another moment with the man who molested you. And repeat that sentence as necessary. Sending good thoughts.
I recently moved to college and I was trying to make friends and met this one guy at a club event. Decided that it would be nice to make a new friend, so we decided to do lunch.
He kinda was off-putting to me, but I put up with it. I haven't had to make new friends in years so I was a little lost on how to do it.
Two things turned me off: he would constantly text me and when I didn't respond immediately, he would ask if he offended me, when in reality I wasn't near my phone or didn't want to text at that moment. I would say no, but he would still do it. It just sparked my anxiety.
Another one was that he used his autism as a defense mechanism. I get letting people know, but he would tell me everytime a tiny mistake or misunderstanding that he has autism, and I would get annoyed. I have some other friends with it so I know how they tend to function and I would give him grace to figure things out, but it was a very anxious situation.
I see him sometimes at extracurriculars and I say a polite hi and maybe some simple talk, but I don't actively seek him out.
I have gone NC with my father (and is wife). My mother passed away in 2000 from breast cancer. My father married her 'best friend' just a short year-and-a-half later.
Since then, my father has put his new wife and her family before me, my daughters, my sister, and my niece. He has gone totally far-right conservative, thinks Trump is the guy who can 'save America', and thinks that any firearm short of a nuclear bomb should be totally available to the general public - no questions asked.
The final straw was when his wife shamed my niece in front of her family by brining up a topic that my sister had spoken to her about in confidence. When my niece decided she wanted an apology, the wife tried to gaslight her.
This went on for over a year, until my father finally said to my sister, "Happy wife, happy life. Get over it." We did ..... we all cut the cord.
I dont speak with my mother unless I absolutely have to. For reasons like her car that I made the payments on for like 2 years. One of those years I was unemployed. When she finally got her 'settlement' from her Workman's Comp she said she could handle the payments again. Few months later her car gets reposessed. Turns out she was pissing her money away buying literal junk (like costume jewellery) from some cheap-as-s**t website. She ruined her house with all her animals. But she just had to have them too. Even knowing her living situation was coming to a head, she did nothing about it until the last minute. I told her call Jesus for help cause no human has the power to fix that mess for her.
I’ve gone NC with one of my old friends. They used to be really nice, but a few years ago they almost completely switched personalities. They started gaslighting and guilt tripping me over everything. They got a bad score on a test, they took it out on me by making me feel horrible, their friend stopped being friends with the, my fault. About 2 summers ago I decided I was done with their bull and stood up for myself, called them out in front of a group of their friends, walked out and then blocked them on everything. Surprise surprise, my mental health has been much better since then.
I was at my grandparents one sunday and I asked a question about trans people and gender non-identifying people ( i had just realized im non-binary, but didnt tell them) and they said "I dont care if people want to choose being this, but dont make it anybodys business, go to your real gender bathroom and dont make us call you by different things, its rude and gross" .......I still have to go to their place because my parents dont know that happened and they also dont know know im mad at them because after that I never came out to them and I dont want to talk to them ever again....
they said that when I was nine, i am currently 12
