Hey Pandas, What Are Serious Red Flags And What Are Green Flags When It Comes To Friends? (Closed)
A lot of us have been backstabbed in the worst way possible. I lost almost all of my best friends in a month. Only 2 remained. So sudden, and I didn’t have any warnings for a few. I would like that not to happen to another person.
So to our amazing survivors of backstabbing - what are the warning signs of a toxic friend? And what traits to look for in a friend? You can answer one or both it’s up to you.
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One thing is, watch how they treat people who aren't their friends. If they are respectful of everyone, they will respect you. If they are rude, they will eventually turn on you.
I met some kids lately who I had very little in common with...I never thought we'd be friends...but as I watched them I realized they are different than me but they are solid, loving people. They're the type I actually want as friends, not just who I connect with fastest.
I went to a school that was kindergarten through eighth. I started there in my kindergarten year and always had deep respect for the 8th graders who wore the special shirts. I wanted to wear them and they became my goal for life. Wasn’t Popular or anything and started noting that in 4th grade. It hurt but I had friends and that’s all that mattered. 7th grade rolls around and I’m PUMPED. Have an amazing friend group of about 5 friends (not many but the literal world in my eyes) that I would give my life for. By the 3rd month I was down to only one friend remaining. She let me cry in her shoulder, she led me through it all. I’m openly gay and my classmates found out that year. All of a sudden I was a ghost. I simply did not exist (this is literal trauma to anyone who understands). I cried and my girlfriend (we had just started dating) held me together. Those two people helped me through it all. Eventually my parents found out and were INFURIATED. They said if I wanted to I could transfer. I said no. I wanted to carry out my year I wanted to become the 8th grader that I had always looked up to. My parents convinced me to tour a new school that I fell in love with. I left my old school knowing that I would never get the honor of wearing those special shirts and enjoy the retreats and honor it gave. Now I’m enjoying my 8th grade year with accepting kids and teachers and the best friend group I could ever imagine. It was hard leaving a lot of people I know but I realized if I had stayed I wouldnt have made it to high school.
Red flag: they only call you when they want something. Eg. a ride or help moving etc.
Not a friend, but a user. :( I had a friend like that fairly recently, only I didn't realize it, I was a sucker. I mistakenly thought we were closer than she did, and when we had a disagreement, she couldn't be bothered to have a discussion with me about it, but chose to ignore me. It still hurts like hell, I loved her. Now I just don't talk to anyone, except for my husband.
When they tell you 'it's not crack', but you just watched them cooking it up, is a pretty big red flag!
Red- if they talk about how 'unique'they are
When they treat you like sht, but are nice to u sometimes. I’m still friends with them, cuz I kinda have to be cuz their a part of my friend group, but I didn’t really want to be nowadays. Hopefully things will change next year and we won’t have the same lunch period.
first of all, so sorry that happened :( i can relate to losing best friends. this time 6 months ago i had a completely different friend group who i had known since elementary school (i'm in 8th grade) and they basically ditched me. i have new friends now tho dw. idk about red flags since it was pretty sudden, but green flags: number one is THEY ARE THERE FOR YOU. if they are always there when you need someone to talk to, and they stick with you no matter what, keep them. number two, they don't get mad at you for having other friends. god, that was suchhh a problem with my old friends (one in particular). also if they're homophobic or racist or transphobic etc. then that's a no. so yeah.
Red flags :
1You’re always doing them favors but they barely even want to talk to you.
2whenever you do talk it’s all about them
3they manipulate you by making you worried about them so you keep doing them favors
I have yet to drop this freind.
Red Flag: Boundary breakers. Boundaries are part of every single relationship between humans, and they help both parties to feel comfortable around each other. Those who dismiss requests for healthy boundaries, especially those who call you "too sensitive" for having boundaries in the first place, don't deserve your time and trust.
Green Flag: Helpful people. Anyone who listens to you and tries to help in a way you will understand. Those that give you a shoulder to cry on. Patient people who give you all the time you need to learn and grow. People that let you speak and don't interrupt. Generally, just people that know who you are and love who you are.
Distance yourself from 'friends' who talk s**t about others, but are friendly to their faces, because you just KNOW they're doing the same to you. Same for those who always try to 'one up' you. Or run hot and cold with you. Or who only talk to you when they need something.
I get apologizing and all that. But that’s one thing. Another thing is when they hurt you and then make you feel guilty (especially when they do it repeatedly). I speak from experience :/
Red flag-“personal” pronouns, claiming they are something they aren’t, using labels for attention.
Green flag-unindoctrinated, able to think for themself, able to identify someone with their vision, brain, and common sense.
Red flag- refusing to make a small change while speaking and to open their mind to different people Green flag- respects people for who they are
