Parenting is hard, you deserve to vent.

#1

I can open a bag of chips, cookies or candy silently.

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#2

I have uttered the words "Don't lick the cat."

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RandomFrog(He/They️‍️)
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

*My Mom thinking abt the time she has to tell my sister not to eat my pants*. (While I was wearing them btw. She was nine)

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#3

I fear silence when they are not visible

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#4

I once accidentally wrote on my grocery list "Sesame Street" instead of "sesame seeds".

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#5

Over half of the items in my purse belong to other people

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Anna Schrame
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At a red light,singing along to barbie the Dino. Im alone in the car. Cringe.

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#6

I can make up good night stories, varying the length according to the tiredness of the listener.

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#8

There are socks all over my house. Behind the piano? Socks! Under the couch? Socks! In dresser drawers? ...No socks.

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#9

I just stepped on a Lego

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#10

My wife and I boast very impressive collections of rocks, sticks, feathers, shells, pine cones and uniquely stained articles of clothing.

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#11

I recently had a dinner at an exclusive interactive restaurant. It consisted of me drinking bath water out off chip the cup from Beauty and the Beast and my fellow diners were Belle, the Beast, Elsa, Ariel and a troll doll from the 90's. I was charged (verbatim) 1 thousand and 5 million pounds and they kept my card as well because I only pretended to drink the bath water.... I will not be going again... until tomorrow night. Hopefully if I break and drink the bath water with bubbles I may get my card back 😏🤭🤗

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#12

I can define the following terms: Bussin', Sus, Sheesh, My Dude, and Living Rent free . . . how ever I am not allowed to use them in a sentence, nor do I have any desire too.

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Pharrah Jacobs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So true. I've tried talking in their native language, only to be warned not to again.

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#13

I've said "Come here and let me smell your butt." on more than one occasion.

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Margo Mohar-Maxwell
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I literally broke my ankle trying not to step on Hot Wheels strewn about the floor. 😖

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#14

My food is always cold.

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#15

I have a pile of cheerio and goldfish sand at the bottom of my purse

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#16

I give treats for pooping.

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Heather W
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter was hard to train because she went through a health crisis during. I ended up giving her pudding for pooping in the toilet. One day I was using the bathroom and she brought me pudding lol

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#17

I still think Dora the Explorer shouldn't be allowed to leave the house by herself and that she and Boots are-co-dependents.

Whenever she said, "I need your help," I would shout from the kitchen, "Again? Why? To count to five this time? For crying out loud, Dora, pull yourself together!"

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Hannah Cremeans
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a map to America okay we get it the crocodile is border control we know... WE KNOW

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#18

I know what Santa will bring for Christmas!

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#19

Hey you're Kid's Name Mom.... yes 21 years later..😄

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#20

Baby shark do do do..

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#21

I'm taking care of a cat, that isn't mine, for the rest of it's life.

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Danniee Gyrl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

EXACTLY...He is going into the Air Force in a few weeks...so yeah...both of the cats belong to me now....🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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#22

The things you find in the washing machine ;
lego, stones, feathers,.
Also to be found in other surprising places like the fridge.

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#23

I have a 4 bedroom house and yet forget what the other occupants look like thanks to cell phones, gaming systems, work, school and general (teen) "I hate everyone" attitudes. But yet the kitchen sink is constantly full with 734 cups for various liquid nourishment and bowls and plates. And where the hell are all my spoons???

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#24

During the school year, every morning is a crisis that involves lost items, tears, and vows to do better tomorrow. And that's when I'm the only one awake!!

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#25

Before COVID you could find sanitizer and wet wipes in my car or bag at any given time.

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Dee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Legit. I felt so smug when there was none in the shelves, but I'd already stockpiled. Not in preparation for the apocalypse, just in preparation of children. Which isn't much different sometimes I suppose haha

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#26

I can no longer be coaxed, or tricked into, sniffing anyone’s finger.

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*Displayname*=idk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry! But as an older sister with a younger brother I felt this to my heart 🤣🤣🤣

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#27

The only jokes I know are Dad jokes.

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#28

My pantry and fridge are full of empty cartons, containers and packages that I don't see until I'm putting the groceries away.

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*Displayname*=idk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As the cleaning addict of our household I 100 percent understand.

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#29

Peppa Pig haunts my dreams, the little S**t

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Christina Odermatt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I won’t let my kids watch Peppa Pig cuz I’m the 1 who can’t stand it, it’s such a dumbass cartoon an there r a lot of dumbass cartoons but Peppa takes the cake!

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#30

We (both in our 70s) are recovering from Covid. I just asked my husband if he wanted to go nigh-nigh.

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#31

The nicest part of my day is when I'm on my own, can hear myself think, watch something that isn't PG related and without be questioned throughout the whole film. Silence is bliss 😊

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Christina Odermatt
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Silence is bliss, I wouldn’t know, what does that even mean? 🤣🤣

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#32

Repeatedly awakened in the middle of the night.

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#33

I’ve stayed up all night making a hamburger costume

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#34

I cannot remember what 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep feels like nor having room in my bed and it being crumbles. I have vague memories of a waking up naturally!

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Teampandas GF
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still hoping for the return of 4,5 hours of uninterrupted sleep...

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#35

Any question I ask gets answered with 'You Mama'. Anything I do that I think is cool, someone says 'Bruh' in a condescending tone. I drive the same miles as an Uber, but don't get paid for it. And everything reeks of socks.

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#36

I find water bottles in ever crevice and corner of the house, all partially drank. Yet there's 2 offenders, that refuse to claim so it gets wasted.

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#37

Of course a can drink tea and eat cookies without actually drinking tea and eating cookies.

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#38

When my kids come to visit (they’re in their 30s) and we go out for the day, my bag still gets loaded with hankies, wipes, 1st aid, umbrella or sun cream (or both), purse, masks, sanitiser, mints, carrier bag, water — “just in case” 😂

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#39

The very last thing I do before leaving the house in the morning is to get dressed, because the odds are I will get two or three body fluids on my clothes before I make it to the door.

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#40

I have asked someone to remove the glow stick from their nose BEFORE coming to the dinner table.

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or ended up in the ER because of multiple carrot pieces shoved up a small nostril. Got home later and even more were snorted out during the night. I still wonder how anyone can shove that many cooked carrots up one nostril during a single napkin run.

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#41

I have a tiny sock stuck to the Velcro on my jacket hood.

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#42

I receive shopping lists from camp, not letters. 🤣

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#43

I haven't slept in years...

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#44

I buy silverware 🍽 weekly...not plastic wares but silverware

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Keisha Hall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We are definitely missing silverware. Just this morning, I decided to buy more...we have like 3 forks and 50 knives.

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#45

I used to care so much about my appearance I wouldn't leve the house until I was completely made up, coordinated and accessorised. Now you would be lucky if I remember to take the child's knickers (clean) I'm using as a hair bobble out of my hair.

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#46

Found a half eaten chocolate bar in my shoe yesterday... My work shoes. Super fun.

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#47

I am the CEO of a small small cleaning service, which also provides addition services at no extra charge. Additionally I sit on the board of directors for a small bank BofM.

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K-Hey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought about leaving a note in son's dresser stating something along the lines of "we don't have laundry gnomes, please put your damn clothes away" but I trained him to be a smart a*s and he'll start leaving dirty dishes around to "encourage their return"

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#48

A toy car factory has exploded in my house.

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#49

I have way more content knowledge than a person should have about show, sites, and games that have nothing to do with my job or interests.

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#50

Me: "Why are you licking the fridge?"
Nephew: "I'm a chameleon."

He was trying to open the fridge to get food. With his tongue, smh.

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#51

"Because" is a perfectly complete and full answer

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PalmKitty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agrhswidhwu I hate it when parents do this and I can’t wait to do it on my own kids because I’m as good as coming up with reasons as a shark is on a bike

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#52

I have a collection of drinks called "Not Mine"

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#53

These shoulders have been adorned by many a spit-up.

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Madre_Dr4gnZFly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had spit-up spots on the back of my highly spit shined combat boots....years ago.

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#54

My car looks like a dumpster

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#55

I always have a sink full of dirty dishes I didn’t create (alas no dishwasher)

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#56

Shayden...Elias...Aria...whatever your name is! Stop doing that!

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DS Mom
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Grandmother used yell out, when she wanted to talk to my mom or one of her sisters, Jane, Jeanne, Janice, Joyce!!! Dang it!!! One of you J's!!!

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#57

Can I please just p**s in peace!

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My little bro and his wife "we need our privacy". Me knowing what happens to privacy after you have children and trying not to laugh hysterically.

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#58

I've cleaned poop off of walls.

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#59

Where is my ________? As it walks past on someone else's body.

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#60

There's a Hot Wheels car in my box of tampons.

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#61

Just did laundry and already have 6 loads to do again

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#62

I know far too much about Minecraft, a game I've never had any desire to play....

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Rachel Adorno
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son gave me a 2 hour description, trying to convince me to buy it for him.

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#63

All of the pasta in my pantry, and all of the chicken nuggets in my freezer are shaped like animals.

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*Displayname*=idk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother only ate the paw patrol macaroni for the longest time...

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#64

Two of our five Disney + profiles = Princess KK and Dorkasaurus

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Jennifer Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kiddo set Dad's as Lord Prancington III on one and Constable Soggy Bottom on another 🤣🤣🤣

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#65

Maria BeRomero 1 minute ago
I am usually encountered in random places like a grocery store singing twinkle twinkle little star while been alone.

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Margaret Hooper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband was caught rocking a bag of cement and whistling "I'm a Little Teapot" to it at the hardware store by his boss.

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#66

I have witnessed the length and girth of freshly produced poop entirely too many times.

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Brooks Presnell
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hear "Dad, I'm done! Come wipe me!" In the distance every time I sit down to eat. Every. Time.

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#67

I keep a box of Lego in the back seat of my car for boredom emergencies. My kids are in their 30s ... haven't lived with me for years.

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#68

Not a parent, but an older sister.
I hid MANY candies in my old history books. Dante's Inferno, Brown's Da Vinci Code, full of candies. that's the only place my baby brother will never look into.

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You will hade much more than that, and in a greater variety of places as a parent.

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#69

All valuables must be put 3ft or higher out of reach

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#70

Because I said so.

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After the fifteenth to twentieth time of explaining the same question "Because I said so" becomes a much more appealing answer.

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#71

I can name all the pups from paw patrol. The sound of the snorts from Pepa pig's family makes me cringe - "muddy puddles" oh my horror

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#72

I often have to clean up old pizza boxes and pop cans outside that have bb holes through them. Have night crawlers in my fridge and often have to look at and hear about cardboard tinfoil duct tape boats.

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#73

Apparently I can Venmo allowances.

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K-Hey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hmmm... The ap won't allow me to hit send, seems to be a glitch in the full garbage can

#74

I was putting a shed together and was singing "Fruit Salad" by the Wiggles

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#75

I'm pretty sure I could clog a shop-vac with the contents from within our couch cushions.

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#76

I've seen every Episode of "Bluey" so many times I can recite them.

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*Displayname*=idk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my stars of Jesus! I can too! It bothers me when I try to sleep at night. ..

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#77

I installed locks at the top of my bedroom and bathroom doors.

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#78

I co-habitate with a jerk named 'Not Me' that LITERALLY does nothing and everything. Somehow, my other co-habitants knows this person on a deep level, yet none have seen them. I can't wait for this jerk to turn 18 and move the eff out....

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#79

I will forever store toys, graduation gowns and a wedding dress of someone who doesn't live with me anymore.

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#80

Most items in my purse come from mother nature and 'can easily be recycled or re-used'.

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#81

I have had to explain more than once that people don't break out in song and dance anywhere we go. Ever.

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ButterflyMcQueen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm afraid I'm going to have to respectfully have to disagree. This is a regular occurrence on my mother's side of the family, occasionally, embarrassingly in public.

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#83

My wife went to Aldis one morning. Apparently when she opened her shopping bag it was full of teething toys.

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Rachel Adorno
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Allison is a grocery store in the Midwest of the United States. They do not provide grocery bags. You bring them or put your groceries in a box or hand carry them individually.

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#84

I usually eat leftovers from many different plates

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Amberlie Mikelsen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, what's really bad is they'll only eat what's on your plate, so you get stuck with their cold meal...

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#85

My shopping list list consists names next to the items so I know if the item can be substituted or not. The world almost ended last week when I bought gummy bears and no gummy worms.

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Nicky
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know what gummy bears look like when you microwave them.

#86

I have at least 6 completely empty boxes in the pantry and 4 open cabinet doors.

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#87

Speaking to my friends as if they were small children.

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#88

I'm the punching bag for a set of first year hockey twins

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since I'm pregnant my husband is the punching bag for the child outside the belly. I'm the punching bag for the one inside it.

#89

My husband just said “the floor is lava” instead of the “floor is yours” during a presentation

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#90

Bought decorations and food yesterday, cleaned and DIYed a whole pink ocean theme room today. Ready for bday bbq for tomorrow.

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mine wants an otter party. Waiting to see if she changes her mind in the next few months.

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#91

I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or why boogers are one the side of the bathtub, or used tissues hidden under the covers of you bed.

#92

There are tissues in varying states of use in my left cargo shorts pocket at all times.

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#93

"WAAAÀALK!"

Also: I know the name of every crayola crayon color.

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#94

My rearview mirror is adorned with a pacifier hanging from a lanyard

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My bedroom wall by the light switch is adorned with stickers. Whenever I remove them more seem to appear.

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#95

I function as a cook, teacher, nurse, counselor, maid, entertainer, and human pillow- and I do it all for free.

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You forgot chauffer, jungle gym, referee, police officer, judge, spider squisher, teacher, search and rescue for lost items, etc etc.

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#96

I've watched all of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse"

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#97

I have said the words "No that hole is not a poop shoot, put your underwear on right."

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So far have a daughter, but am expecting a son in just a few months, I expect I will become very familiar with that phrase.

#98

(Cat owner)
Every two minutes or so, a “bwurr” is echoed through the house.

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#99

There is one show in the house that you hear way more than any other... Cocomelon. There's also the song... We Don't Talk About Bruno

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Samia Guled
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the daily things In my family, I'd give ANYTHING to not be brainwashed with encanto.

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#100

All cookies, candies, and chips are in a locked cabinet over the fridge. The cleaning products are in an unlocked cabinet under the sink.

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#101

I can tell you... Wait. GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!... I do not care that the dog gave it to you... So I can... Hold on. Uhm. What was the question...?

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#102

I have a basket with several mateless shoes and sneakers.

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#103

I used to hate cold coffee but now it's almost all I'm able to drink.

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Tricia Burcell
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s why I use a leak-proof, insulated travel mug at home!

#104

I’m tired

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#105

I just bought some dork diaries books from the library (my mom 4 years ago POV)

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#106

French fries or goldfish crackers on the floor of the car

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#107

I have learned to "talk" for the stuffed cats. Things start with an "m"

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have had to mount major rescue operations for toys that fell behind the bed.

#108

I call my husband Daddy in a non-sexual way

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#109

I made up names for animals and kids on the street, since I got scolded for not knowing their names by a two year old.

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#110

screaming kids, toilet paper mummies, kids rolled up in "avocado" blankets

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asexualotl (she/her)
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1 year ago

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#111

Is that poop or chocolate?

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A question parents will ask many many times throught thier lives.

#112

I don't remember the last time I was able to stay home alone. Without kids or hubby🥺. I have to leave the house if I want a moment of peace and quiet. Not even bathroom time is sacred.

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Which is why it's so hard not to laugh listening to my little bro and his wife (who want kids) saying how they need thier privacy.

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#113

Wet floors and doors that seem to not close.

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And muddy tracks on the carpet that reappear everything you clean then.

#114

I once found a cheeseburger in my purse that had been there a couple of days.

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Ambry Petersen
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eeewwww. Almost as bad as the half eaten donut in the carseat cup holder that had been there for a week, that my child tried to take a bite out of Incident.

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#115

Going to the supermarket/Target/CVS by myself feels like a vacation on a tropical island.

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Sharon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Emergency stay at the hospital for severe kidney infection...bought souvenirs for the my 2 kids to prove I thought about them all the time I was gone

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#116

Where is my ________? As it walks past on someone else's body.

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#117

Toot toot Chugga chugga big red car on a loop in my head. OH and the snot! Copious amounts of snot. Uggh.

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#118

Several of my most treasured pieces of jewelry are made of rainbow plastic pony beads.

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#120

I have had projectile poop in my eye.
(It burns!)

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ambrypetersen avatar
Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The day I brought my daughter home from the hospital, pooped on peed on and puked on...all on the same day. That was my initiation to motherhood.

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#121

I drive minivan.

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#122

In my purse I always have bandaids, fruit snacks, Tylenol, Advil, lactose intolerance pills (which I am not!), hard candies, safety pins, a pen & paper.

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#123

There were Littlest Pet Shop animals in the manger at Christmas time "because Jesus needed more animals"

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#124

I make up lullabies on the fly...at 3 in the morning

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Elaine Harley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"My Bonnie" is a family lullaby that I used with my kids. If I needed extra verses I would switch out "Bonnie" for a family member's name!

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#125

I grapoed hold of a stranger's hand at the road side and said...."hold my Danny". I also pointed to a horse out of the bus window and said..."look, a poppo"

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#126

I had two extra kids named Ida Know and Ont Know living in my house.

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Ambry Petersen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have Ida Know, and "I didn't do that", and "not me" and "nobody"...none of which I have ever actually seen. Plus the plethora of my child's imaginary friends who seem to be almost permanent residents.

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#127

Every chair I regularly sit in has a roll of paper towel within reach.

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#128

I never feel like I am doing enough.

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Ashley Deane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is all parents but not JUST parents. This is literally every one at most times. The fact that you worry you aren't doing enough, shows you're probably doing fine.

#129

The sound of silence isn't just a great song from Disturbed but is also the sound I fear the most coming from the bedroom

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#130

I have heard every spoiler to every movie that I don't even want to see.

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#131

Not Mine, Wasn't Me, and I didn't do it are all my roommates. Though I don't remember inviting them to stay with me in my home. 🙃🤔🤪

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#132

Know all the words to the Pokemon theme and names of all of Ash's pokemon from every region I used to only know pikachu and jigglypuff

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#133

My hair has been used to wipe a snotty nose clean

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#134

I just had to yell, "Don't poke that spider with your finger!"

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wolflady3277035 avatar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm extremely scared of spiders, but I had this one in a bowl to try to identify it. She wanted to see what it's *defensive mode* looked like.

#135

Every time I open the shower curtain to step in, there are many and various types of toys laying in the tub. Most of them aren't even made for water so I have to scoop them all up and lay them on a towel to dry just to get in the shower. Same thing the next day. It never ends.

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Crazy Mom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have toy bucket by the tub. I realized, just as my son was throwing his favorite battery operated bull dozer into the tub, my horrible mistake.

#136

My son greeted my husband "HI Steve. Oops I mean dad." My husband is named James. Blues clues was important.

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#137

How do you get permanent marker off a cat??!!….asking for a friend😬

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#138

My house has a constant tornado that seems to be as violent as the storm on Jupiter, has forced me to utter "don't stick your finger there" and "that's not where that goes" on thousands of occasions, and seems to have a new and absolutely random question waaay to complicated for me to answer in a moments time every .25 seconds...

Also, I have one friend. Her name is Voda Ka and we speak often. She understands me lmao.

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#139

I've gone to work wearing nail polish on my toes and fingers, because small humans needed to both be nail technicians and I was the only victim... I mean customer available...

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#141

I'm pretty sure I could clog a shop-vac with the contents from within our couch cushions.

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#142

I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.

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Dave Hinckley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I put a fence, with a gate, around my garden to keep out the "deer"

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#143

Petroleum jelly is difficult to remove, even off a water-loving labrador

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#144

"PANTS! Where are your pants?"
😳😳
"Who peed on the carpet?" Didn't always apply to the dogs.
🤨🤨

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#145

(Daycare teacher)

I know that it's a bad idea to give 16 two year olds apple juice immediately after they've woken up from nap, have repeatedly uttered the words "No, Thank You! We don't drink water from off the ground!", Can change diapers like a speed racer, and know that all it takes to stop a crying chain of toddlers is to bring out the fabric tunnel.

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#146

I think it's quite a parent personally.

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#147

I can make pot of coffee with one hand.

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#148

Yelled at my teenager for not packing up his stuff to head out to out of state college tomorrow (i had been telling him to do it for 3 weeks).

Got mad! Yelled! And immediately went to the bathroom and cried because he's going to out if state college tomorrow.

I'm conflicted!

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#149

The dog is covered in raw eggs and chocolate syrup!

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#150

They know everything.

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#151

I can never do anything for longer than 10 minutes unless it's between the times of 2 and 4 pm.

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#152

Where are all my cell phone chargers?

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#153

There is a secret squatter in my home named "Not Me", and they happen to make lots of messes ....

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Nancy Hunter
Community Member
1 year ago

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#154

I'm fluent in English, sigh and eye roll

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#155

Well, one of my three best friends stopped by today; however, I was so tired I decided to take a two-hour nap. She must not have minded a bit because she new better than to wake me.

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#156

We don’t talk about Bruno… except when we do. 3,456,989 times a day.

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Nicky
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds; I like to see you wiggle wiggle for sure.

#157

Their food plates are untouched.
As I fight to protect my food on my plate. Dispite all plates holding the exact same food items.

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#158

There were french fries in the VCR. Apparently, it was hungry. Side note, VCRs do not like french fries,

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#159

I have a hatred and fear of Lego blocks in the living room leaping under my bare feet in the early morning.

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#160

I had no idea I could ruin someone's day by giving them the wrong spoon.

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#161

I have had to tell someone to stop being mean to their cheese...

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#162

I told you to go get your pajamas on and brush your teeth. I get to listen to a hissy fit for the next 30 minutes because obviously I have ruined your life.

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Nicky
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get woken up in the middle of the night with a demand to go to the Lego store. I explain it's closed, it's raining, school's tomorrow, I have to work, and it's in another city. Repeat every 30 min. until morning, when I hear, "I'm sleeping."

#163

There are tissues in varying states of use in my left cargo shorts pocket at all times.

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#164

My rearview mirror is adorned with a pacifier hanging from a lanyard

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#165

I learned to love the burnt fries in an order.

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#166

Constantly saying "I'm not a bank!" My kids are 29 and 21.
Legos NEVER leave. 16 years of them in storage and I still occasionally find a stray!

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#167

I know all the words to the Paw Patrol, PJ Mask, and Team Umizoomi theme songs. As well as all the characters names.

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#168

Most days I end up carrying an extra 20-25 lbs around the house that's not even my own weight...

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#169

I could spend all day cleaning but by bedtime it looks like a tornado went through my house..😮‍💨

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#170

I have a large assortment of papers with what looks to be nothing but scribbles, sloppy random brush strokes. However I've been informed the are boats, the ocean, and any combination of things you could imagine

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#171

My algorithm thinks I'm a gangsta rap listening, Roblox playing, jazz loving, challenge taking, hard working, trend dancing human being.

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#172

I answer the question " why " over 500 times per day.

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#173

My favorite phrases are "it starts with p, ends with an e, and is all manners" and "that doesn't go up your nose or in your mouth"

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#174

I have found petrified chicken nuggets in and under the couch.
I never have to worry about a burglar breaking in, because my floors are minefields, especially in the dark.
Poop talk is a constant.
I hide candy in empty tampon boxes.
I eat candy in the bathroom. With the door locked.
I have called out, 'You! With the face!' and they know who I am talking too.
I yell, 'Stop Running in the House' 2,394,103 times a day.
I once prided myself on my cooking. Now, everything I cook is 'Gross' unless premade and bought from the store. At least my husband and friends still like my cooking. But my confidence has taken a massive hit.
When I go to the store alone, I check the back seat.
Every doctor visit requires a trip to Dollar Tree afterwards.
Laundry is NEVER ENDING.
Never enough socks.
Apparently, one can subsist on popsciles and ice alone.

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#175

Was at a restaurant with a friend, tried something new. When she asked me how it was I said, "Oh, it's nummy num nums."

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#176

Glitter everywhere.
Chicken nuggets for dinner
Why is this sticky?

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Nicky
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was told by airport security that my backpack beeped because glitter sometimes sets off the chemical detection equipment.

#177

I have a formula that gets markers and crayons off walls.

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#178

I crochet but I can't fit my work in the bag due to all the bandages liquid stitch and meds. Instead of hooks it's all colored pencils

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#179

My husband just said “the floor is lava” instead of the “floor is yours” during a presentation

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#180

Uh=truck, wa'a=water, ay=train, mirl=milk, ee=cheese or please, etc.

Also currently looking for a minivan because in a few months there won't be any more room in our car.

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#181

I sway back and forth usually humming a soothing tune when not at home and by myself
I also tend to rock the shopping carriage back and forth humming or lightly singing, also by myself.

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cmlapointe avatar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have an 'under construction' sign in the middle of my living room.

#182

Which one are you again? Out of 7 no one ever remembered my name (middle kid). I was called jack one day. The dogs name.

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ButterflyMcQueen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate to this. I'm only 1 of 4 and the only one who's name doesn't start with M. I'm the 3rd girl so I get called everything including my aunt's name (her name starts with M), my brother's name, and I share a middle name with my mom's favorite female chihuahua ☹

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#183

I am a walking tissue / napkin.

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#184

Sometimes I find myself quietly humming "I love you, you love me..." and have to force myself to stop.

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#185

I have 2 refrigerators and a pantry all completely stocked with food. I am told multiple times a day that we "Never have anything to eat in this house!"

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ck594 avatar
Karen Kaiser
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or they have nothing to wear especially my streaker who once the diapers went or stinky they keep going til it hits the floor then step out of it and keep going. I only know when hubby steps in it and bellows

#186

There is a happy face sticker on every doorknob in the house, and a big one on the inside of the toilet lid…

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#187

Sleep? Ahh, I remember sleep. Many moons ago there was plenty of it to go around.

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Lashonda Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NOW? NOT SO MUCH. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY OPEN YOUR EYE AT 6 IN THE MORNING ON SATURDAY TO SEE IF YOU'RE "AWAKE YET"

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#188

When it's time to put away a toy (or some other object), said item is "sleepy/needs to go to it's home."

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#189

"I have a tattoo!" He stood in the mirror and drew Pokémon on his chest in permanent marker.

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#190

I yell, "get in the car!,". about the same amount as I yell, "get out of the car!" And yet... Still no one listens.

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tamara_10 avatar
Community Member
1 year ago

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#191

wait.. Season 4 of Strangers Things came out?

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#192

I need a break after my holiday.

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#193

I know where to find mommy, daddy, brother and sister finger at any given time

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Nicky
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You mean Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny Whoops Johnny Whoops Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny

#194

Toilet not flushing by finding a whole roll of toilet paper, a doll, and a about 15 wrappers for candy.

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#195

Them on Monday "good weekend"
Me "meh"
Then "what did you get up to?"
Me (desperately tries to thing of the most glamorous way of saying "survived while dreading Monday")

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#196

I know the difference between Master C heif and Nathan Drake

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Amberlie Mikelsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That doesn't mean you're a parent, that just means you have a man-child living in your house; be it brother, significant other, or Dad

#197

I found a chunk of hair on the bathroom floor.

Now to do shades check.

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#198

To say it like Downton Abby: Weekend? What's a weekend?

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#199

What's a weekend?

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#200

On more than one occasion while pulling into the driveway I have said the words I know you have to pee but please do not pee in the backyard the kitchen doors 10 ft away

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#201

i smell like puke or p**s.or puke and p**s

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#202

The school called........

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#203

I was baking a cake around 11 pm. Then I decorated it with a picture of Neymar Jr.

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Nicky
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I buy Happy Meals and use the toys as cake toppings.

#204

I know that I have too many towels for any reasonable place, let just say clumsy can be transferred

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#205

I wake up at ungodly hours of morning to provide transport for younger humans to their activities. (They both can drive now and I still provide this service)

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krista_sal avatar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To clarify. This was a liocation where parking would have been costly (Comic Con) and difficult to find. 99.9% of their stuff they can drive to and from. But the rare case, I am happy to be the mom shuttle at 4am

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#206

I eat the crust only sometimes lol

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#207

That wasn’t candy…

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#208

I know 8 birthdates by heart and often have to repeat them several times a day. Just imagine moving more than once with all the doctors, dentists, schools, insurance companies, emergency rooms...

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ck594 avatar
Karen Kaiser
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know a lady talking to a doctor about her daughter only to realize the doctor she was talking to was the vet calling about the dog and didn't realize til 20 minutes into the call lol

#209

The list of nice things we will buy, and when we will refinish the floors gets longer and further away.

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#210

I had to replace carpeting because it was painted with red fingernail polish.

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#211

I have enough snacks on the back floor of my truck, for a week of camping

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#212

Laundry is eternal...

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#213

I find myself preforming the same household tasks (Picking up cups/plates/bowls/clothes/shoes etc) only to go back a couple of hours later to find "not mine's" cup/plate/bowl/clothes/shoes, etc have appeared.

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#214

It's 1:45am. First shift completed. Clean and fed, down for the count.

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#215

You never have any spoons or forks in the utensils drawer-- EVER!

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#216

Who do it? No body!! Who made you cry? No one!!

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#217

Let me get you a juice box. They're in my purse. Snack? Ok, got those in there too.

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#218

I have no fear of poop, vomit, or pee. Also I can find the halflings.

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#219

"Don't lick your brother's butt"

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#220

I have more Lego men than shower gels and shampoos in my shower

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#221

I give kisses on chubby cheeks despite getting punched before 🤣

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#222

I saw the Emoji movie.

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#223

"Why is the fridge open?"

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#224

I have said "we do not pp in cup holders"

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#225

Each time I see something prefixed with the word "baby" (e.g. baby carrots, baby leaf lettuce) the words/tune "do-do, do-do-do-do" automatically follows in my head.

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#226

I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.

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#227

I can make pot of coffee with one hand.

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#228

Aww the sweet smell of, Oh no it's nail polish!

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#229

To say it like Downton Abby: Weekend? What's a weekend?

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#230

I have 2 refrigerators and a pantry all completely stocked with food. I am told multiple times a day that we "Never have anything to eat in this house!"

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#231

I just did my laundry and am so excited that I have clean nipple pads lol

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#232

Annual mileage in my car - around 8000 miles. Percentage of those miles that are not actually 'Taxi-ing daughter around' - Probably around 10 % :)

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#233

Going to the washroom?--!! Lmao!!!

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#234

Ur quiet!!!!

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#235

In my purse I have baby teeth that aren’t mine. The tooth fairy has to do something with them!

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#236

It's rare when the house is clean.

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#237

Ask your mother.

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#238

Ask your mother.

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#239

While I was folding laundry, my youngest informed me that me put a lego up his bum. Why?! Because it was itchy. Afterwards, he proceeded to get upset when I wouldn’t let him keep said lego. Thank heavens it was a smooth one and not a big brick!

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#240

Them on Monday : c

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#241

I was given a new name at age 27, I share it with millions of other Americans, and whenever someone says it, a group of neurons in my brain lights up.

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#242

I wake up every morning by at least six o'clock although I'd love to sleep at least til 8...

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#243

When I open my handbag to get my purse I have to rummage through diapers, wipes, cookies, bottles, books, etc.

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#244

I haven't been on a romantic holidays for 20 years

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#245

About 19 years after I got married my grocery bill had a dramatic drop.

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#246

1. I’ve been handed a nugget of poop
2. Every morning I have to ask someone if they put on underwear
3. I dine at a restaurant daily and eat pancakes out of a bowl
4. I am a master at silently opening food wrappers
5. I make ‘comfy spots’ nightly, but I never get to enjoy them
6. I own a pair of sound dampening ear plugs and haven’t been to a concert in 4 years
7. I hide in the bathroom
8. I haven’t uttered the words ‘I’m bored’ in 10 years
9. I get jumped on anytime I crouch to grab something from a low cabinet
10. Going to work feels like a break

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#247

In the past year, I've learned how to make a peacock sound when it shows up in a book, and I can produce varying roars for tigers and lions, and different humming styles for bees, wasps, bumblebees and dragon flies. Because, of course, it's vital that they don't sound the same!

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#248

Trying to "sleep in" past 5am means waking up repeatedly with a foot in your mouth.

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#249

Hugging is a non-negotiable, essential part of my day.

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#250

Me telling my cat : Elfo you can't lay there
Elfo: looks at me as he lay down on the baby who is taking a nap.
The baby: waaaaaa
Me: wow real cool bro, now you put him to sleep.
Elfo: falls asleep 😴
😩

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#251

I can make a pot of coffee with one hand.

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#252

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