Hey Pandas, In Today’s Age And Society, What’s Your Secret To Keeping Your Marriage Life Blissful And Exciting? (Closed)
I want to know the best things people in today's society and age are doing to keep the honeymoon phase going throughout your life. Whether it be camping, hiking, skinny dipping, or other wild and exciting things you and the love of your life do to stay happy as can be. Arguing is something we all do, it's wired into us, so saying "We argue, so we're not happy" that doesn't count. If you verbally berate your spouse 2-3 times a week and they contemplate leaving, that's not happy. If that's you, we'll talk later. For now, I wanna know what everyone from Canada to New Zealand, Hawaii to Newfoundland does to keep the spark alive and thrive in a happy, blissful story like marriage.
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I'm afraid you won't like the answer, but "wild and exciting" isn't exactly what you're going for longterm. Obviously if you share an "exciting" hobby, that makes for fun days, but I think the basis of a happy marriage is mutual respect, understanding and accepting the other one as he/she is. My husband and I used to rockclimb and freeski a lot, with kids it's now baby hills and stroller paths - and we still have tons of fun with that! The basis of marriage was never the "exciting" stuff, it's the "boring" things, taking care of each other, listening, giving each other some space, all that. Skydiving or skinny diping won't fix a relationship where you can't be quiet together, tough if you want an exciting hobby, there's also nothing speaking against it. Sorry to disappoint.
These answers are right on. After 50 years, it isn't the excitement that keeps us together. It's the mutual love and respect. It's giving each the time and space to be individuals. We love going for drives to nowhere together, but we have our own interests, too. No room for jealousy about anything.
Do little things for each other every day. Tell each other the ways in which you appreciate each other. When arguments arise, try to understand each others perspective and resist just turning it into a shouting match.
Disagreeing is normal, arguing doesn't have to be OP.
My husband and I don't really argue. We both were raised on argumentative homes so we never raise our voices because we know first hand how unproductive that is.
When we disagree or fight, and we get frustrated, instead of yelling over the other, we stop talking, breathe and, in a level voice, explain our perspective. We don't say "you're wrong" or "you always" instead we say things like "when you did x, I felt like y"
Such as, "when you didn't tell me you'd be home late, I felt like I am not a priority in your life"
Or
"When I can hear you playing Elden Ring while we are having a serious phone conversation, it makes me feel like you are not fully listening and that my problem is less important than whatever you are currently doing. "
We don't not fight, but we talk through them. When I recall my parents fighting, it always reminds me of that family guy pictionary skit where the guy just keeps yelling Jackal. When you get angry and you yell, you frequently add nothing new to the conversation, you just kind of restate the same thing louder and louder. It isn't constructive, it isn't moving anything along and if your partner doesn't already get it, saying the same thing over and over doesn't mean they will suddenly understand it. By stopping, breathing and trying to frame it differently it helps explain your perspective-- perhaps your partner didn't realise you aren't upset at them for letting off steam with friends, you're just upset because they forgot to tell you and that, in turn made you feel less important.
For some conversations, that are sometimes ignored because they are difficult to broach (depending on the person this could be anywherefor childcare to in laws to bedroom), I will sometimes text my husband, so that I can get a full thought out and describe my thinking and logic without interruption and then we talk about it after he's read the whole thing. I think a good few problems only become blow-out fights because they weren't discussed earlier.
Of course that's only one half the second half is follow through with agreed upon changes. Making empty promises doesn't make for a particularly strong relationship foundation. It is important to pinpoint and let your partner know when you notice improvements in something that has been a struggle before. I tell my husband at least once a day that I appreciate him and several times when he does something, I want to make sure he knows I'm not taking it for granted. He does the same with me and it works so far for us.
Together for 5, married for 3 (yes, twas a covid wedding, and we lived separately before the wedding.
J umping right into living together as newlyweds during lockdown was a real test lol)
It's simple, i married my best friend. There was no “partnership” nonsense, just two best friends with (passionate) benefits who never fall out of love
